


Almost Dying

by AkuChibi



Series: Almost Living [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Anal Sex, Blood and Torture, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Minor Character Death, Past Abuse, Romance, Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-03-02 22:51:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 57
Words: 203,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2828888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkuChibi/pseuds/AkuChibi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Almost Living. Being human is hard. It doesn't help when you're caught between two wars, with one side wanting you dead and another side wanting you alive but your boyfriend dead. Oh, and then there's the Lake. But you won't let that happen, right, human? M/M slash. Explicit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mission - Failure

**Author's Note:**

> This is the sequel to Almost Living. It's not really necessary to read Almost Living in its entirety (especially since the writing in that one is terrible since I started writing it 2 years ago and completed it a year ago) but I do recommend at least reading the last few chapters. Or not, it doesn't really matter. This one is much better written than its prequel, I assure you. It, too, is complete.
> 
> Anything written in italics and bold is bond communication with Kieron's thoughts. Just italics is Terry's bond talk, and also his normal thoughts.
> 
> A few notes:  
> -This is complete at 57 chapters, over 200k.  
> -There are snippets of torture involved.  
> -Explicit for the torture, and the sex scenes involving two guys. Don't like, don't read, very simple.  
> -Putting it on this site because I like this site's formatting better than the other one.  
> -Mentions past child abuse (mostly emotional/psychological).
> 
> I think that's it for now. I would really enjoy any comments you might have! :D

**Almost Dying**

_Sequel to Almost Living_

 

Chapter One: Mission – Failure

 

            Such a simple word. Honestly, I never thought much of it. I knew the United States was at war with the Middle East, but knowing about it and experiencing it were two entirely different things. I had no military background, and neither did anyone in my family. I wasn’t familiar with anything military related, and yet I was now part of a war I didn’t entirely understand.

            I gripped the blade tightly, my arm throbbing painfully, a dull ache which I knew was not my own. Kieron was hurt but I didn’t know where he was. The light brushes against my mind assured me he was fine – irritated, but fine. This caused my skin to burn a little less and allowed me to focus more on the task at hand.

            The clearing before me housed at least three men. They looked normal enough but they were not, in a way, human. They were Etherians, and while they looked human to me, I knew they weren’t. I’d been deceived too many times by their appearances. Before, that was okay, but since this war came into play nearly five months ago, I knew more about deception than I had right to, really. And I wasn’t always the one being deceived.

            These men were hunting me. That wasn’t unusual, though. Before them, it was the screamers hunting me. I was always being hunted because according to some kind of prophecy, my coming was long ago foretold and everything was predetermined. My bond with Kieron was predetermined, as was my ability to see them for what they were.

            Now, though, I was being hunted for two different reasons.

            The screamers wanted me to take me to the Master, who felt he should have been the one to become my bond-mate. He tried to kill Kieron and very nearly succeeded. According to everyone around me, he _should have_ succeeded but he didn’t, which we were still trying to understand. I knew I wasn’t complaining.

            Sharpness nudged my mind, a mild, sudden pain and I sighed, nodding even though I knew no one could see. That was my cue to stand still. We’d practiced ways to alert one another to moves and whatnot, and this seemed the most effective. Kieron could nudge my mind in either a dull ache – irritation – or varying degrees of sharpness. In this instance I knew it meant for me to stay put. It almost always meant that because I was lucky I even got to come out of hiding to help him with any of this. If he had his way, I’d never leave the safe house.

            I couldn’t just let him do everything alone, though. We were bond-mates, after all. Boyfriends, even, if this classified as a relationship, which I was pretty sure it did.

            Across the clearing, Kieron noisily made his way through the bushes. Through the darkness I could just make out the sharpness of his blue eyes as they looked at the trio in the center of the clearing. The moonlight shone down on his head, creating a blue halo, though he was anything but angelic. One of the men lifted a sword while the other two donned crossbows, taking aim at the blue-haired immortal.

            I tried to keep the growl from rising in my throat but it was rather hard. I swallowed it down and took in a slow breath, Kieron’s quick thoughts nudging against my mind, too quick for me to have a hope of deciphering, but they calmed me in a way. I shouldn’t worry because none of these men had anything gold on them, so it was unlikely they had the type of weapon which seriously posed a threat to Kieron, but somehow that didn’t stop me from worrying.

            He could still be hurt.

            Which meant I would feel the pain.

            As it was, I knew his arm was hurt but due to the dark long-sleeved shirt he wore, I couldn’t see the wound.

            “Whoa, take it easy, guys,” Kieron said, stepping toward the trio, raising his hands to show he was harmless. Mentally I snorted and something stabbed through my mind, leaving me scowling.

            _Sorry,_ I thought.

            The pain ebbed away and I sighed, clutching the knife tightly, keeping my feet somewhat parted so I could run forward if necessary. I shouldn’t need to as this was a fairly simple mission, hence why I was actually allowed to come with Kieron. Generally Ashere kept me on a rather tight leash, much to my dismay, and rarely let me leave and go with Kieron anywhere.

            Kieron, on the other hand, was rarely allowed to stay with me. Due to being ‘low on the food chain’, so to speak, he was forced to go on all kinds of missions, all of them potentially dangerous. Most of them I didn’t get to go on, but this was one of the few Kieron begrudgingly accepted my company with.

            The moment chaos struck happened slowly. Kieron eased forward, and it looked like the three men didn’t know who he was. If they did, I was sure they would have attacked by now. As it was, they let him come forward, clearly un-armed, and when Kieron got a few feet away from them, he moved with the speed and gracefulness of a cheetah on steroids, there one second and gone the next, dodging the swing of the sword and an arrow fired from a crossbow.

            In one fluid movement he whacked his open palm against the side of one guy’s head. The guy crumpled to the ground in a motionless heap. In the next second, Kieron spun and backhanded the second guy in the chest. The guy went flying sideways, smacking into the third, who loosed his arrow just as he was being hit.

            I felt the pain before I saw it happen. Felt the phantom ache in my side and then heard Kieron growl. With my own growl I came out of hiding, shoving through the bushes until I was in the clearing. Kieron tore the arrow out of his side and snapped it in half, stomping toward the two sitting on the ground, clearly disorientated from his last blow. Their eyes widened when they saw him coming, awareness dawning on them that he was, indeed, a perpetual and could kill them quite easily.

            Kieron grabbed one of the guy’s by the front of his shirt and hauled him up, feet dangling in the air. Then he glared down at the one on the ground.

            “I’m a perpetual. If you don’t want me to kill your buddy here, I suggest you stay perfectly still and don’t piss me off,” he said, voice eerily calm despite the growl located deep within. The phantom ache was growing and as I approached him, I could see the blood staining his shirt.

            Blue eyes snapped toward me, and I waved slightly, unable to stop myself. Kieron nodded his head toward the guy sitting on the ground, staring up at him while the guy in his grasp tried to tear his grip away.

            Kieron shook the guy somewhat. “Stop that,” he chided. “That’s just gonna irritate me.” His gaze flickered back toward me. “Do it.”

            I nodded and knelt next to the guy sitting on the ground. The man flinched when I grabbed his hands, and spun toward me as though to hit me, but the cry of pain of the guy held in the air left him freezing.

            “I said don’t piss me off,” Kieron said, shaking the guy again. The guy groaned and the one sitting on the ground nodded, allowing me to grab his wrists and yank them behind his back. From my belt I pulled a length of rope, firmly tying it around his wrists in the way it had been tied around mine far too many times. I looked up and nodded at Kieron once I was done, satisfied with my work.

            Kieron dropped the other guy to the ground. He landed with a soft thud and stared up at him.

            “You can go,” Kieron said, gesturing toward the side.

            The guy looked at the one sitting on the ground. Well, at least he was loyal enough.

            “Nope, he stays here,” Kieron said. “Now go, before I change my mind. And take your friend over there with you.” He gestured at the motionless guy who still lay in a heap on the ground, breathing slowly.

            It took a moment, but the guy finally did as he was told and got to his feet, moving toward the unconscious man. From there he hauled him gracelessly to his feet and staggered away, into the trees. A few minutes later, Kieron knelt next to the guy sitting on the ground at my feet.

            “We’re not going to hurt you,” Kieron said slowly, “unless you make us. I’m still pissed about that arrow so don’t think I won’t hit you. This here?” He gestured at me. “That’s who you are going to talk to. And if I find you said anything out of line, I’m gonna be pissed even more. Do you understand?”

            The guy nodded quickly.

            “Good.” Kieron grinned and looked at me, looking a little too happy with what had taken place. Of course, this was his job. This was his job long before I came into the picture. He was the little ‘foot soldier’, according to him, low on the food chain so to speak. He probably did stuff like this all the time.

            “Up,” I said, looking down at the guy. I grabbed his arm and helped him stand, and together we left the clearing. Kieron followed behind us, crossbow casually slung over his shoulder, looking as calm as could be.

            It didn’t surprise me. This was his element, after all.

            Battle. War.

            It was what he was made for – literally. He was of the type of perpetual who was created for the simple purpose of battle. He was at his element in a fight.

            That didn’t mean I had to like it, though. I personally didn’t like fighting, which was why I was only put on missions where we _didn’t_ kill anyone. That didn’t mean people didn’t die, but it meant we went into it with the goal of not killing anyone.

            “What do you want with me?” the guy asked quietly, speaking for the first time.

            “What’s your name?” I asked.

            He hesitated, clearing not expecting that. “Jorro,” he said quietly.

            I nodded. “Well, Jorro, we’re not going to hurt you. We just need some answers.”

            His gaze flickered toward Kieron, who now walked on his other side.

            “Don’t worry about him,” I said. “He’s a big softie.”

            Kieron looked at me, brow quirked, but I only smiled back at him.

            “He’s a perpetual!” Now the guy paled. “You’re one too… aren’t you?”

            I scowled. “If I was a perpetual, I would work out a hell of a lot more,” I muttered, shaking my head. “Nope, not a perpetual.”

            “Then why are you working with them!”

            “Why are you working against them?” I countered.

            “Because people are dying because of them!”

            That knot formed in my stomach again – that same, familiar knot of guilt. People weren’t dying because of perpetuals. They were dying because of _me_.

            Sudden pain in my head. I fought the urge to groan and tossed a glare at Kieron, who rolled his eyes at me. _Get over it,_ his look said.

            If only it were that simple. Five months later and I still felt horrible about everything. The only bright side was that Kieron wasn’t among the death toll.

            _Yet_ , a part of my mind said.

            I took in a slow breath and tried to shove that thought away. Kieron nearly died because of me once, and I wouldn’t let it happen again.

            That phantom pain throbbed in my side again. I tossed a glare at Kieron. “How hurt are you?”

            He scowled. “I’m fine.”

            “Liar.”

            “I’m _fine_.”

            “Uh huh. How close are you to passing out?”

            That was how he healed, after all. Sleep. It wore him out.

            The scowl deepened. “I’ve got time. I’m fine.”

            I sighed and shook my head, but left it at that. I didn’t want to argue with him and I knew he would be okay. That didn’t mean I couldn’t worry, though. I’d seen him far too close to death to _not_ worry. I’d also seen him shot with arrows before, and rammed through with a _sword_. I knew he wasn’t always fine, even if he would be okay.

            “How can you be so friendly toward him?” Jorro asked with this disgusted lilt to his voice.

            A growl rose in my throat and I glared at him. “That’s my boyfriend you’re talking about, so be careful what you say,” I snapped.

            His eyes widened even as Kieron tossed me a quick glare, irritation flooding through the bond, this odd yet comfortable link in my head. It was like a light at the end of the tunnel, hidden just out of sight, something I couldn’t see but knew was there. A bridge between my mind and his, forever connecting us in a way I couldn’t understand.

            Despite the irritation flooding through me from his end – I was never very good at reinforcing my ‘wall’ – I felt warmth as well, because despite what he thought, I knew somewhere, he was pleased with the statement. He wasn’t used to people caring about him, having been raised under the guise of perpetuals not being able to care about anything or anyone other than a strong sense of duty, especially those of Kieron’s rank. He could argue all he wanted, but I knew he liked it when I said something about our relationship.

            Nothing more was said as we continued walking. All we had to do was give this guy to Ashere and go on our merry way.

            Simple, right?

 

_Fuck my life._

            Why was nothing _ever_ simple?

            Not five minutes after we arrived at the designated cabin, people came out of the woodwork and the guy seated at the table grinned, flashing teeth up at me as Kieron pulled back the edge of his shirt to reveal some kind of goo. A snarl rose in Kieron’s throat as he grabbed my arm and threw me-

            Just as the guy _exploded_.

            He fucking _exploded_.

            So did half the room.

            I was lucky because Kieron threw me over the table and toward the doorway. When the guy exploded, the table was thrown toward me and acted as a sort of shield from the direct hit of the blast. A loud ringing in my ears left me deafened for a moment, smoke burning my eyes as dust flew through the air. My skin itched and burned but that might have just been because of the heat of the blast and the smoke being inhaled into my lungs.

            “K-“ I coughed, managing to clear my throat. “Kieron?”

            I shoved the table off me, broken bits of debris and wood sliding to the ground. The entire room was covered in blood and scorch marks. The ringing in my ears slowly died down as I glanced around at the carnage before me, mind blanking somewhat. How had this happened? What kind of goo was that?

            Where the hell was Kieron?

            I scratched my hands up and down my arms, a growl catching in my throat as I looked around through blurred vision due to the smoke and heat.

            “Kieron? Hey!”

            “What?” he groaned from somewhere to my left, and I glanced over to find him shoving bits of the ceiling off him. Only the ceiling around where the guy had been sitting had caved in. Blood coated Kieron’s face and I hurried toward him even as he got to his feet, running his hands down his clothes, grimacing as blood smeared on his hands.

            “Kie, geez, are you okay?” I asked, frowning at the blood.

            “I’m fine,” he said, scowling. “Not my blood.”

            “His?”

            He nodded grimly, mouth a thin, hard line.

            It was then the people from outside clambered in. Ashere had gone to see what the fuss was about, leaving Kieron and I with the guy. I had no idea where Ashere was but Kieron hadn’t cried out in pain, so I knew he wasn’t dead. For some reason, due to the odd mental bonds, perpetuals felt it when a fellow perpetual was killed. It left most crying out in pain, but usually just left those like Kieron grimacing and in pain but they usually didn’t cry out that much. Something about being _used_ to pain, which I hated.

            As it was, though, I knew he was okay but didn’t know where he was. People entered the broken down cabin and instantly crossbows were aimed at the two of us. Two people approached Kieron and grabbed his arms, a sword held firmly to his throat. Kieron growled but didn’t move, tossing a look toward me.

            The remaining two had crossbows aimed at my face. I took a careful step back only to have my back press against a hard body, and I grimaced when the point of an arrow pressed against my spine.

            “Gotcha,” a voice hissed in my ear.

            I froze, not even daring to breathe, glancing toward Kieron. Kieron growled again, that blade pressing a little more firmly against his throat.

            “As perpetuals, you are both sentenced to death,” said the guy behind me, a deep baritone voice I’d never heard before, sentencing an end to my life. “Any last words?”

            “Whoa,” Kieron said, “wait a minute here. I’m the perpetual here, he’s not. He’s actually a prisoner we were interrogating, but… well. Kill him if you want but you’re just killing one of your own people.” He shrugged like it was no big deal, even as a growl lodged in my throat.

            _The fuck are you doing?_ I threw at him, urging him to hear it.

            He blinked. **_Saving your life, shut up._**

**** _You idiot!_

_**Be nice. Or do you want to die?**_

**** _I don’t want you to die!_

_**Relax, they don’t have the type of weapon.**_

_How the hell do you know?_ It could have just been hidden, after all. They knew Kieron was a perpetual and were sentencing him – and me – to death, so they had to know about the weapon which would kill him.

            **_Trust me, human._**

I scowled because I hated it when he used that against me. He knew I trusted him – would always trust him. Had no reason _not_ to trust him. He didn’t seem very worried, and that left me relaxing somewhat.

            “How do we know you’re not lying about him not being a perpetual?” the guy behind me asked, that arrowhead pressing more into my spine, leaving me grimacing.

            Kieron shrugged. “You don’t, but are you willing to take that chance? Put your necklace on him if you think I’m lying.”

            The guy behind me stiffened. The tip of the arrow shifted somewhat, even as I frowned at Kieron.

            _What the hell?_

            The guy removed the arrow from my back and stepped around me, now standing in front of me, crossbow held lightly at his side. He brought a hand up and carefully pulled the gold chain off his neck, moving it toward me. I stared at it, feeling a growl catch in my throat because Kieron said there wasn’t any gold here.

            The necklace slid easily over my head and rested around my neck. Absolutely nothing happened because I wasn’t a perpetual and thus gold did not affect me. I wasn’t sure if it was just gold, or if there was something else added to it to make it so lethal to perpetuals, but either way, it didn’t affect me.

            The necklace was removed and the guy took it toward Kieron.

            **_Don’t._**

The word shot through my head with a resounding loudness, echoing through my mind, leaving me wincing. I’d been about to snap at the guy to stop, but now I closed my mouth and glared.

            The necklace was placed around Kieron’s neck. Kieron stiffened and closed his eyes as steam rose up into the air. The guy who put the necklace on him laughed, gesturing at the guy holding the sword to his throat. He kept the necklace there, steam continuously rising into the air, leaving little red burn marks around Kieron’s neck. Pain echoed in my own neck but I bit down on my lip to keep from growling or commenting on it. Kieron didn’t want me to say anything, even though this was ridiculous.

            “Alright, perpetual,” the guy said as he finally removed the necklace. “Any last words?”

            Kieron tilted his head to the side, opening his eyes. “I don’t suppose ‘go to hell’ would suffice?”

            The guy laughed and shook his head. “Alright then. Goodbye.” He nodded at the guy with the sword to Kieron’s throat.

            I growled and took a step forward.

            A second later, Ashere broke through one of the remaining windows, a snarl emerging as he easily knocked away the two guys around me. Their crossbows clattered to the ground and slid away. I hurried toward Kieron.

            The guy with the necklace turned to look at me, eyes wide as I barreled into him, slamming him harshly against the wall. In the next instant, Kieron ducked under the edge of the sword, the Etherian startled at Ashere’s presence, and backhanded the guy hard across the face. The guy staggered into the wall and in the next second, Kieron had the guy’s arm twisted behind his back, the tip of the sword held firm in his grasp, now pressed against the guy’s spine.

            I watched as he paused and glanced at me, in the middle of the chaos. I looked at the scowling, sneering Etherian, and knew what Kieron was asking me.

            _If we don’t kill him he’ll talk and there will be more,_ I sent to him, despite the fact I felt sick to my stomach at what I was doing.

            He blinked once, acknowledgement of my consent.

            Then he rammed the sword through the guy’s back and spine.


	2. New Life

Chapter Two: New Life

 

The guy screamed as the blade ripped through his back and dropped to the ground, dead, spinal cord severed.

            When we turned back toward the chaos around us, not only Ashere stood there, over motionless bodies, but so did Blaine and some perpetual I didn’t know. I’d heard the name in passing but couldn’t remember.

            Kieron tossed the sword to the ground with a dull clatter, and released a breath of air as he looked at me.

            “You okay, human?”

            I scowled. “I’m fine.”

            I knew Kieron knew that. Despite how much he protested certain aspects of the bond, I did know he felt phantom pains too. I’d seen it on more than one occasion the past few months, despite how he tried to keep me away from the battle, and away from Ethereal, even.

            Kieron nodded and looked toward Ashere and the new perpetual. “Good timing.”

            Ashere nodded. “What do we do with them?”

            Kieron shrugged. “Casualties of war, Ashere. Not our problem.”

            I frowned. “We should bury them. We’re not animals. They’re people and they should be put to rest.”

            “They were trying to kill us,” the new perpetual said, and I narrowed my eyes at him.

            “They were trying to kill me and Kieron,” I corrected him. “They didn’t know you were here, and I didn’t either. So it’s up to me and Kieron. Right, Kie?” I glanced at the perpetual, _my_ perpetual, and Kieron looked at me and shrugged.

            “What’s the harm in burying them?” he asked, and I smiled at him, glad we were on the same page.

            Ashere blinked at him. “You are seriously considering this? We need to be leaving – now, before more come.”

            “Let ‘em come,” the new guy said. “We’ll take care of them too.”

            I wasn’t sure if I liked this guy. Sure, I gave Kieron the ‘okay’ to kill the guy, and everyone who attacked us was now dead, but that did not mean I was okay with all the killing. I hated it. Especially because I knew, on some level, I was to blame for all of this, despite what everyone else said. The original battle between screamers and perpetuals started because the screamers were looking for _me_ , and now the general population of Etherians were fighting against perpetuals as well, blaming them for the rising death toll due to the screamers and their hatred of perpetuals. I gave Kieron the okay to kill the man – I did not give this guy the okay to slaughter more of them.

            They were fighting a war just like we were. All these people here had families waiting for them somewhere, people who didn’t know their loved ones were dead yet, were waiting for them to come home, but they never would.

            War was a horrible thing to witness and be a part of, but it was happening. I was trying to adjust to it, and I knew death had to happen because history had shown that nothing could be resolved quietly – World Wars, anyone? – but that did not mean I liked it, at all.

            “You saying you can’t dig fast?” Kieron asked, quirking a brow at the guy, and the new perpetual shrugged.

            “Fine,” he sighed, “whatever. We’ll do what the _human_ wants.”

            There was a note of disgust in his voice. It sounded nothing like it did when Kieron said it and I opened my mouth to complain – I had a name, after all – but Kieron beat me to it, surprisingly.

            One second the guy was standing next to Ashere. The next Kieron had him pinned against the wall, arm to his throat, a growl in his voice.

            “I don’t think I like your attitude,” he said.

            The guy coughed, air cut off.

            “Apologize and I’ll let you go.”

            “Fuck… you,” the guy spat.

            Kieron shook his head. “You know I’m stronger than you. You’re higher on the food chain, asshole.”

            I wasn’t entirely sure what to think about this ‘food chain’. Kieron was low on the food chain, which meant he was a fighter, used to pain and all its aspects. Ashere was pretty high on the food chain, according to Kieron, and thus wasn’t very great at fighting and wasn’t used to pain, and thus reacted to it differently. I wasn’t sure if that necessarily made one stronger than the other, but the perpetual seemed to think so as he growled and gave into a slow nod. Kieron removed his arm and let the guy step away from the wall.

            “Apologize,” Kieron said.

            “Sorry, human.”

            Kieron scowled but that disgusted tone wasn’t present in his voice this time, so the blue-haired perpetual let it drop.

            “Go get some shovels,” he said to Ashere, who sighed and nodded.

 

After burying the men, Ashere and the other perpetual – whose name I still couldn’t remember, but I suddenly didn’t want to – left and Kieron and I returned to Earth. Ethereal, as Atlantis, was once a part of Earth but apparently managed to sever itself from there and became an entire world instead of just a city, somehow. Kieron was never very clear about all of this but then again, I never really asked him to go very in-depth since after he first started talking to me about it, back when we first met. There wasn’t much time to discuss such matters these days.

            He insisted on walking me home. I grinned the whole way there even though he insisted it was only because he wasn’t sure how well secured the area was, since I was still technically being hunted. The Master, the one in charge of the screamers, had some sort of fascination with me or something, and thought he should be bonded to me. Instead, Kieron was bonded to me, which led the Master, or Exrie, to become obsessed with killing him in order to then bond with me. Why that was so important I still didn’t really know. If I never saw that guy again it would be far too soon.

            We finally reached my new apartment. After the whereabouts of my old apartment became too well known, it become unsafe for me to stay there. Not only that, but where I was gone so long in Ethereal, I lost my job, some of my friends, and also my apartment. I moved in with my brother for about a month until I managed to get a job and another small apartment nearby, in his town.

            It was a lot smaller than the old one. As the door opened and we entered and closed it behind us, we stood in the small living room. Just forward was the dining area of the kitchen, which was basically only the size of the little kitchen table. To the right of that was the little kitchen area, only big enough for a sink, stove, and a small refrigerator with the little freezer on top. Behind the dining area and the kitchen was the entryway to the bedroom. There were no doors in the apartment save for a tiny closet off to the side of my queen size bed (which took up a large chunk of the bedroom, leaving only a tiny area to walk around both sides) and the door to the bathroom, which was located in my bedroom.

            It was small but surprisingly homey. It was also fairly cheap, based on my monthly income. My job consisted of working online, filling out surveys day after day, and doing experiments, such as for psychology. I opened the links, did the little quizzes and surveys asked of me, submitted them for their information log, and got a fairly decent check each time I did this. I was very lucky to have gotten this job, as I only got it because my brother, Tommy, had a friend who worked at one of these sites, and he called in a favor. And viola, I was hired pretty much on the spot.

            This allowed me to not be home all the time, as long as I got them all done within the allotted time, the month. I could go to Ethereal and not have to worry about missing work. I also didn’t have to leave my apartment and go somewhere to work, which meant I could not be ambushed to or from work, if the screamers found me. In an apartment down the road (the apartments were only in a first story building, rather long instead of tall, with one long road as the parking area) were two perpetuals at any given time. Sometimes they were Blaine and Ashere, sometimes they were others, and sometimes Kieron stayed there when he didn’t stay with me.

            He usually stayed with me, but if he got in town late and I didn’t know he was here, he would stay the night there and then see me the next morning. I was actually surprised the bothered to keep track of my sleep schedule and not disturb it.

            Currently, though, I entered the small kitchen area and grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator, scowling as I looked down at my clothes. “I need a shower,” I grumbled, taking a swallow of water before I capped it and tossed it Kieron’s way. He caught it deftly and popped it open, taking a long chug, Adam’s apple bobbing, before he capped it and put it down on the counter next to the sink.

            I eyed him.

            “You need one too.”

            He scowled but we were both dotted with blood, him more so than me. Not only that but I felt dirty after what happened – those men dying, and then digging their graves and burying them.

            I grabbed his wrist and began tugging him in the direction of the bedroom, and thus the restroom. He blinked at me but followed, allowing me to lead him.

            “Come shower with me,” I said, watching him. “I’ll be good.”

            And I would. I was too tired to try anything right now, despite how much I liked how he looked with no clothes.

            He shook his head and gave a tired smile. “Sorry, human, but I think I’m going to just go to sleep. I’ll shower in the morning. You go ahead, though.” He gestured toward the bed, quirking a brow at me, and I sighed and nodded.

            “Yeah, go ahead,” I said, before I stepped forward, wrapped my arms around his neck, and pulled him into a warm kiss.

            We didn’t kiss very often, and I was usually the one who initiated it, but they never got old. I never got tired of them. They never lost their spark. Every time we kissed or had physical contact it was like this electric current in my mind, a spark of _right_ , and I got lost in the warmth as that bond twitched further into life, his thoughts brushing against my own as he kissed back, a hand awkwardly tangling in my hair.

            It wasn’t always like this. I never knew we had that kind of a mental bond where we could send thoughts to one another. Kieron said he was shocked it could happen, but it worked out in our favor in the end. Of course, this portion of the bond – the closeness, the mental bridge, the link connecting my mind to his – didn’t really exists (or at least I didn’t notice it) until after Kieron died on me.

            I still shuddered at the thought, him lying still on the ground, motionless and pale, not pulse, no breath, no _nothing_ …

            And then I almost died. Apparently I entered this weird hazy stage called limbo, and somehow I dragged Kieron too it as well. I was still unclear about this but Kieron was just as confused as I was, and never bothered really mentioning it to anyone except Ashere. Ashere only knew because I mentioned it when I woke up after the limbo and thought Kieron was still gone, despite the fact he somehow healed and wasn’t completely gone, just wouldn’t wake up. After he woke up, though… things got better, and things got worse.

            The bad part was the war.

            The good part was the bond.

            And the sex.

            The sex was pretty fantastic too.

            We’d only had sex a couple of times so far. Kieron rarely ever got to leave Ethereal for an extended amount of time and when he was here, he was usually tired after having been fighting while there, so we usually just relaxed and watched movies or something. I had yet to actually introduce him to my brother, though Tommy knew about Kieron’s existence as my boyfriend. Tommy was eager to meet him once he found out I was pretty serious about Kieron. I would introduce them but Kieron was rarely here, and when he was here, I liked spending time with _just_ _him_ , no offence to Tommy or anything.

            It was weird how, not too long ago, I didn’t know Kieron existed. And then when we did meet, I hated him and he hated me, but we were stuck together nonetheless.

            We broke the kiss and I entered the bathroom for my shower, and Kieron crawled into my bed.

            By the time I got out of the shower, he was sound asleep. I dressed, turned on the fan, and flipped off the lights and climbed into bed next to him.

            Within seconds I was out.

 

I always slept better with Kieron there. I wasn’t sure if it was because I liked having someone there with me (I did feel safer that way, after all) or because of our mental bond, but either way, I enjoyed it. Usually my sleep was disturbed – I woke up several times during the night, tossing and turning, startling at the smallest sound, but when he was there, I slept like the dead and woke more refreshed than I had before.

            I woke up this morning to the smell of pancakes.

            I didn’t even know he knew how to make pancakes.

            With a grin I crawled out of bed and entered the kitchen, finding him setting the table with plates of pancakes, the syrup and butter already out. He was dressed in only a pair of my sweatpants, which were slightly baggy but I liked my comfortable clothes to be kind of big anyway. I liked seeing him shirtless just as much as I hated it, because of that mark.

            Two of them, actually.

            A larger one on his back, a smaller one on his front. Right side of his back and the right side of his chest.

            Where the gold blade stabbed through and steam rose in the air and he died on me. Or almost died. That part was still kind of unclear.

            The wounds healed nicely, except for the scars.

            Faint, but they stood out compared to the rest of his unmarked, untarnished skin. I knew he suffered a lot of damage to his body, as he was used to pain, but he didn’t look like it. He healed fast and thoroughly. The only scars were from that gold blade on that day.

            He caught me watching him and scowled at me. “Sit,” he said, gesturing at the chair on the other side of the table, as he sat down in the chair he stood next to. There were only two chairs to this table, as it was small, so I sat across from him.

            “This is awesome,” I said with a grin. “You didn’t tell me you knew how to make pancakes.”

            “It’s not that hard, human.”

            I scowled. “I know, but still.”

            “And yes, before you ask, we have pancakes in Ethereal.”

            I burst out laughing. He knew me too well.

            Breakfast that morning was eaten in a comfortable silence.

 

All too soon my good mood ended, though.

            It was a little after noon. We’d been watching movies and shows, sitting on my couch, when there was a knock at the door.

            I sighed and got up to answer, sure it was my brother or something. The perpetuals, while there for my protection, rarely knocked. They just barged in like they owned the place. I didn’t bother asking how they did it when it was locked. Damn sneaky perpetuals.

            I opened the door, Kieron suddenly right behind me. Ashere stood in the doorway, casting his gaze toward Kieron.

            “Hey, Kie,” he said amiably.

            “Ashere,” Kieron said in greeting. “Time?”

            Ashere nodded.

            I frowned. “Now?”

            “Sorry,” Ashere said, but he didn’t sound very sorry.

            I sighed and nodded, knowing there was little I could do about it. I turned toward Kieron, who was shrugging on his shoes, which were some kind of boots but yet not exactly boots. Like half boot and half sneaker. Earlier he’d changed into his clothes so he was ready except for the shoes, which he now laced up before he moved toward the door.

            “I can go with you,” I offered even though I already knew the answer to that.

            “No, that’s okay,” he said, shaking his head.

            I sighed. He rarely let me go with him. That didn’t mean I liked it. I got to see him seldom enough as it was, and he was _my_ boyfriend, _my_ perpetual.

            He followed Ashere out the door, but stopped before closing it, turning back toward me. He smiled. “I’ll be back soon,” he said.

            I nodded and smiled back. “Be careful.”

            He snorted and closed the door.


	3. Down Time

Chapter Three: Down Time

 

My brother was two years older than me and ever since our mom died when we were little, he tried his best to look out for me. He never blinked an eye when I said I was gay. Instead he accepted it but asked that I not tell him about my sex life, to which I agreed. Then he went to college, met a girl and moved away. Now that girl was his wife and he had a newborn daughter, Amanda. I was happy that I now lived closer to him, just across town, and could be part of my family’s life again.

            So the day after Kieron left, Tommy and I went to the park with Amanda while his wife, Lacy, took a well-deserved nap at home. Amanda was born early and thus had colic, and kept crying all the time. She wouldn’t sleep more than a few minutes at a time, every few hours. Since Tommy worked long hours, Lacy was usually left with her.

            I would offer to babysit but didn’t want to drag this little girl into my life. Not when I could be attacked at any given moment, although that was pretty unlikely due to the perpetuals monitoring practically my every move. I never saw them but I knew they were around, waiting, watching…

            We sat on the bench at the park, Amanda cooing happily in her light green stroller. She didn’t have any hair yet, except for a few strands which could be felt but not seen, but I figured she’d have her mom’s black hair. She had Tommy’s face, all cheekbones and dimples when she grinned, and she had his brown eyes.

            Tommy got Mom’s curly blonde hair while I got Dad’s brunette hair. We both got Dad’s eyes so that was something we shared out of the many things we did not share. He got Dad’s height while I was caught somewhere between Mom and Dad’s, around 5’8” or so, last I checked. I wondered how tall Amanda would be since Lacy was only about 5’5”.

            As it was, though, she was a sweet little girl and I was happy I lived closer to them now so I could see her more often.

            “How are things with you and… what’s his name?” Tommy asked. He never seemed to remember Kieron’s name. Either that or he couldn’t pronounce it right (he kept pronouncing it like ‘Keyeron’) and just kept asking me over and over.

            “Kieron,” I told him. “And things are fine. He left yesterday.”

            “Where’d he go?”

            “I told you – his job has him going everywhere.”

            “You still haven’t told me what he does,” Tommy said with a scowl.

            I frowned because that was true, but what could I tell him? ‘Oh, Kieron’s an immortal fighting a war in Atlantis, no big deal.’

            Yeah, no.

            “He’s a soldier,” I finally said, because that seemed like it was the closest to the truth.

            Tommy blinked. “Soldier?” he echoed.

            “Yeah – in the Marines,” I said. “He’s a Marine.”

            He could be in the Marines. He was certainly strong enough.

            “He’s always helping with training exercises and has to go where they need him,” I said, nodding to myself. “So he doesn’t get to stay here very often.”

            “Oh,” Tommy said, before giving into a slow pause. “When can I meet him?”

            “I don’t know.”

            That was the truth. What little time I had with him I liked to spend with just the two of us, no outsiders.

            “You don’t talk about him very much,” Tommy said, and I frowned, glancing at him.

            “I don’t?”

            He shook his head. “No, you don’t. I think the most that you’ve said is that his name is Kieron and he’s not on good speaking terms with his parents, and he has a sister named Kleo.”

            All of that was true. Kieron wasn’t technically on good terms with his parents, but then again I didn’t think any perpetuals were. According to the book I read, perpetuals couldn’t ‘care’ about anything or anyone other than a strong sense of duty, which left the parents bonding only to give birth to more perpetuals. There was no love between parent and child, apparently. Kieron would never come out and say it but I knew he felt a certain bitterness toward his parents, and Ashere, and probably Kleo. He probably felt like he got the short end of the stick, since he was the only lower-rank perpetual in his family, at least that I knew of.

            Kleo and Kieron’s relationship was strange. Sometimes they bickered like human siblings, the next, one of them was pulling rank on the other. Kleo became this sophisticated rule-follower, and Kieron became this guarded, self-sacrificing warrior.

            Not like I could tell Tommy any of that, though.

            “He’s pretty private,” I finally said.

            Tommy blinked at me, Amanda held lightly in his arms, her big eyes looking up at me as she cooed, small fingers sticking into her mouth. “Do you know anything about him?”

            My eyes narrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

            “Do you know anything about this guy?”

            “Of course I do.”

            “Like?”

            “I can’t tell you.”

            “Why – because you don’t know?”

            I glared, feeling a growl catch in my throat. “I know a lot about him – that doesn’t mean I have to tell you!” I snapped, voice harsher than I meant to. The volume of it had tears filling Amanda’s eyes immediately, and instantly I caved and sank back somewhat, the anger dispersing as quickly as it came. Tommy sighed and rocked her gently in his arms until she finally calmed down.

            Tommy didn’t bring up Kieron again.

 

 

I returned home that night in a glum mood. Fighting with Tommy always upset met, because we used to be so close when we were little. I missed that closeness even though I knew it would never be the same because we were different people now – we had two separate lives and misunderstandings were going to happen. It was life. That didn’t mean I liked it, though.

            With a sigh I keyed the lock to my apartment, entered and flipped the lights on as I kicked the door shut behind me. As a last minute though I locked the door simply because I never knew when the perpetuals were going to ‘check in’ on me, and I didn’t need another lecture about ‘always locking doors, that’s a primary rule, human, even kids do it’. Nope, not having that again.

            After locking it, I entered the kitchen area and pulled out a bottle of water, eying the empty plate on the counter. For a minute I couldn’t figure out why I was staring at it, because it was only an empty plate, nothing odd. Then I realized that I had done the dishes before I left to meet up with Tommy today, and thus there shouldn’t have been a plate sitting there, with little crumbs on it as well.

            This could have meant one of two things.

            One – a crazy person broke in, ate some food, and left… or they were still hanging around. Creepy.

            Two – Kieron was here, he ate, and he left, or he was still here.

            I stepped out of the kitchen area and toward the opening to my bedroom, and there was Kieron, sprawled out on the bed, sound asleep despite the fact he was literally all over the bed. Kieron could sleep like the dead and never move, but leave him to his own devices – i.e. sleeping because he was tired and not because he needed to heal – and he became this cover-infested octopus.

            Despite the fact he lay atop the covers, shoes lazy kicked off his feet and resting on the floor at the foot of the bed, his hands clenched into the sheets and his face was buried into my cooling pillow. My brother got it for me as a ‘welcome to your new home’ gift but Kieron snatched it every chance he got, even though he would never admit to liking it.

            Smiling, I stepped toward the bed and sat down next to him. His nose twitched somewhat and then his eyes blinked open, tiredly staring at me.

            “Hey,” I said.

            “Human,” he said in return.

            I shook my head. I used to hate it when he called me human – I had a name, after all – but it eventually grew on me. It was his way of acknowledging me sometimes, or talking to me, like the name meant ‘friend’ or something. I didn’t like it when anyone else called me that though – they had no right to do so. I had a name and therefore they should use it, and Kieron only got to call me ‘human’ because, well… that was Kieron.

            The funny thing was, Kieron got pissed of someone else called me human. I wasn’t sure if I should laugh at that fact or hug him.

            As it was, though, I kicked my shoes off and smiled at him. “How was your day?” I asked, like I always did when he returned from Ethereal.

            “Fine,” he replied, like he always did when I asked.

            I knew he wouldn’t tell me about the death, or the pain, or anything. It was part of the reason I liked him so much, because even though I did want to know (I started this, after all) I did not like to hear about death and he knew that and agreed to my wishes.

            I liked him a lot, for a lot of different reasons.

            I wasn’t sure if I loved him…

            The concept of ‘love’ was just so odd to me. There was no such thing as unconditional love, after all. One could say that of a mother and her child but the condition there is that the child is hers and is therefore _family_ and family love each other… but the condition is that one is related.

            Being in love with someone outside of one’s family… that was tough too.

            I thought I was in love once, after high school.

            Big mistake but at the time I wanted something more. I wanted it to mean something.

            It meant something – it just meant love wasn’t my kind of thing and that I should never trust people named Hank.

            So, thus far, I hadn’t said ‘I love you’ to Kieron. He hadn’t said it to me either, but in his case, I was pretty sure actions spoke far louder than words. He’d saved me so many times already, and kept trying to keep my safe despite the fact I was to blame for all of this and the fact that I wanted to help…

            _“Ow!_ ” I growled, throwing a glare Kieron’s way to see narrowed blue eyes watching me through a thin veil of dark blue hair.

            “Think happy shit,” he muttered, scowling at me, and I took in a deep breath, trying to keep myself from those thoughts.

            This connection between my mind and Kieron’s was odd. Kieron told me he was shocked we could actually speak telepathically, and he was also shocked to learn that I felt his pain in phantom aches. That was the only bit of the bond that made sense, though, because there as something to compare it to. Other perpetuals bonded and had similar things happen, but they were usually not perpetuals, and certainly not Kieron’s type of perpetual.

            Kieron was on the lower third of the pyramid, after all. Bred for strength and brutality and not for companionship or humanity…. Did Etherians care about humanity?

            I didn’t want to think about it.

            As it was, though, what Kieron and I had went into overdrive when I apparently shoved Kieron into my limbo, wherein we both somehow made it out and lived. There is no happily ever after tacked onto the end of that, and quite frankly, I have no idea what to do next.

            I woke up and managed to get Kieron to wake up due to our odd mental link, learned about this war I unintentionally caused, and then found out we were smack dab in the middle of it. If that wasn’t bad enough, I was apparently too ‘special’ to stay here in this mess so I was to be sent back home and be watched carefully, while Kieron was forced to stay _there_ , where it was dangerous and he was specifically wanted _dead_ …

            “Ow,” I growled, glaring at Kieron.

            He snorted and rolled over, now on his back. “Happy shit.”

            I sighed and nodded. I wasn’t sure what happened when I thought negatively to Kieron, but he always sent this stab of pain through my head in response. I wasn’t sure if my negative thoughts hurt him and that was why he always responded as such or something else. I knew there was no way he would just come out and tell me though.

            I let my thoughts drift more toward the fact I was happy he was here, and he scowled again but didn’t send me a stab of pain so it must have been better. He didn’t like being center of attention – let alone center of my thought process at the moment – but he wouldn’t complain. Secretly I thought he might like it but again, he would never come out and tell me one way or the other.

            “How was Thomas?” Kieron asked, eyes sliding closed, head resting comfortably on the pillow.

            “He’s fine,” I said. “How did you know…?”

            At this my perpetual blinked one eye open to peer at me with this ‘really, human?’ look before it slid closed again, and I sighed, shaking my head.

            “Right, of course. What’s he smell like?”

            “Kind of like you,” Kieron admitted, much to my surprise. “But a lot like a female. His wife’s perfume is strong. His baby’s formula is also strong.”

            “Formula?” I asked. “And you can smell his wife? What?”

            This was the first I was hearing about this. It was true he seemed to always know when I spent time with Tommy but he never really answered me when I asked, until now of course.

            “Yes,” he said in response, and didn’t bother elaborating.

            I scowled at him and poked him in the ribs, to which he responded with a growl, one tired blue eye popping open to peer at me again. “Can you always smell him on me? Smell his wife and kid?”

            “Not always the kid,” he said. “But always the wife, yes. And I can’t always smell him on you – only if I see you right after you’ve seen him.”

            “Oh,” I said, nodding. “But I smell better than them, right?”

            I couldn’t help it, I had to ask.

            Irritation furrowed his brow and his eye slid closed again, effectively shutting me out. I shook my head and stood. “I’m going to take a shower,” I announced. “And you’re perfectly welcome to join me… quite frankly, you reek of dirt and blood.”

            I wasn’t sure if that was true as my sense of smell wasn’t nearly as strong as Kieron’s, but I could see dirt dotting his left cheek and knew there was probably blood somewhere on him. It was probably why he stayed in his clothes, which appeared clean despite the fact he himself probably wasn’t. He must have changed before coming here, then, and didn’t get my bed dirty.

            I waited for a response but of course he didn’t reply, so I shook my head, shoved lightly at his leg, and entered the bathroom where I quietly closed the door behind me. I didn’t bother locking it because I doubted Kieron would actually take me up on my offer, and if he did, I certainly would not be complaining.

            Once the water was the temperature that I wanted it, I slipped out of my clothes and stepped under the spray, sighing contentedly as I slid the shower curtain closed. After adjusting the temperature again, I reached for the shampoo and stood beneath the water, droplets rolling down my neck and shoulders as I scrubbed the shampoo into my hair. After I rinsed it and scrubbed down my body with soap, I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, scowling when I realized I forgot to grab spare clothes to bring with me.

            In my defense, though, I usually didn’t always have company when I showered so I didn’t have to worry about it.

            Kieron was here, though, but it wasn’t like it was anything he hadn’t already seen.

            I wrapped a towel around my waist and padded toward the door, which I opened a crack to peer into the bedroom. Kieron looked perfectly peaceful atop the covers, chest rising and falling in a gentle rhythm, and for a moment I simply smiled at him. He looked comfortable, and his thoughts – at least what I could pick up through our link – were mild and calm. Perhaps he felt safe here. I hoped so. I liked it a lot better when he was here too.

            I slipped out of the bathroom and moved around my side of the bed, since Kieron seemed to always hog the right side. My side now consisted of the left, near the very small closet area mostly covered with a dresser. From my dresser I pulled out some boxers and slipped them on, dropping the towel on the floor next to the bed before I sat down and wormed my way under the soft covers.

            I debated waking him up. I debated tackling him because he made these hilarious huffs when he was surprised. He would growl at me and shove me but there would be this look in his eyes that said he wasn’t as pissed as he seemed.

            I didn’t do anything, though.

            I let him sleep, because he probably needed it.

            And I was just happy to not have an empty bed tonight.


	4. Waiting Days

Chapter Four: Waiting Days

 

Kieron was gone the next morning.

            This wasn’t entirely unusual. If Ashere or someone came to get him before I woke up, he would never wake me. He’d simply slip out and I woke later to find myself alone. I hated that he did this but I knew this was something I was going to have to get used to, because I knew he wouldn’t stop. I’d asked him once to at least wake me or leave a note or something, but nope, he was always just gone.

            I wished he could stay more but I knew the war was more important than time with me. That didn’t mean I liked it, but it was the way things were.

            I was to blame for this war, too. And yet I was never allowed to participate in it. I was responsible for a lot of deaths and-

            “Owww,” I groaned, rubbing my hand against my head even as I scowled. Somehow Kieron could do this to me even though we technically weren’t in the same world. He was on Ethereal, me here on Earth, and yet this still worked. I knew that if I tried hard enough – and if he let it happen – that I could connect with him right now and talk to him, via our mind link.

            I wasn’t sure how to work it, exactly, but I knew that if I willed it to happen enough, if Kieron’s walls were down, he could hear me. He could also tell when I was lamenting the war and whatnot, and blaming myself for it, even though I never really got to tell what he was feeling or thinking. I guess it was because he’d been trained to not be an open book, literally raised under the notion that perpetuals couldn’t feel anything except duty and simple, bland emotions. This, I was sure, was false, at least for the perpetuals I knew. Okay, maybe not Blaine – I wasn’t sure if she had emotions, and I was a little afraid of what she might be like if she _did_.

            She hated me as it was – what would it be like if she was _pissed_?

            Scary thought.

            Moving on.

            Ashere obviously liked Kieron – despite how Kieron said it was in the past – and I was pretty sure he was _jealous_ at some points. For not being able to feel anything other than duty, he sure followed Kieron a lot, and growled at me a lot despite the fact he was the one who made us bond in the first place, a point Kieron wasn’t afraid to remind him of.

            Kieron could claim not to care all he wanted, but he was bound to me, we shared a link and he couldn’t lie to me. Well, he _could_ , but not about this. If he only saved me and bonded himself to me out of a sense of duty, I could understand if he only saved me a few times and then said ‘well, lost cause, I tried’. He wouldn’t have technically failed because he did try, and he did succeed a lot. However, that was not what happened. He saved me on various occasions, at great risk to his own health. Hell, the first time he saved me – totally not counting the time he kidnapped me from my apartment for my own safety – he got rammed through with a freaking _sword_ and passed out. I thought he _died_ for a while despite the fact he said he was immortal and thus wasn’t _allowed_ to die. If it stopped there, that was one thing, but no, it kept happened. After that he saved me again, and again. He kept coming back for me, kept tracking me down, kept _saving me_ , and it wasn’t just because of a sense of _duty_.

            He admitted to caring about me, in a way, after we both woke up after our last run in with the Master, Exrie. After he entered my _limbo_ , whatever that meant. I still wasn’t sure and I couldn’t get him to talk about it again. He’d find some excuse to leave because there were a million reasons for him to go, but surprisingly few for him to stay. I could argue that he should stay with me, in this apartment, to rest and whatnot but he could just as easily do that in Ethereal, surrounded by other perpetuals who could properly watch his back so he could get a decent night’s sleep. I could offer food to him, and hot showers, but he could get that there, too. I could offer sex but again, he could just as easily get that in Ethereal. I was pretty sure Ashere would have no problem giving it to him should Kieron ask.

            Anger stirred within me, little pinpricks of red against my mind, but I managed to shove it away. Ever since I found out I was the aggressor of this relationship, I had to learn to control myself. It was hard when Ashere was around, even though I always knew there was a good reason for him to be with Kieron – they were both perpetuals, fighting the same war; they were friends and had been for centuries; Ashere was Kieron’s superior and thus had to give him orders and directions – but that didn’t mean my aggressive mind (was that what it was called?) knew that. Instead it allowed anger to surge through me, sharp and consuming, this burning breaking out through my skin not unlike it would when Kieron was in danger.

            My control had gotten better, but that was mostly because of Kieron, shooting warnings into my mind via headache. I managed to think about something else after that, to calm myself in a way, and ignore whatever it was that was pissing me off so much.

            I still wasn’t entirely sure what an aggressor was, but apparently it meant I was very protective of Kieron, and this was true. I was protective of him, despite the fact he’d saved me a lot more than I’d saved him, a lot more than I ever could. He thought it was because I was a human, emotional and whatnot, and he was a perpetual and thus ‘couldn’t care’, and all that nonsense. It was rare for there to be an aggressor in the relationship when a perpetual was involved.

            Sighing, I fixed myself some breakfast and popped in a movie to pass the time, wondering when Kieron would come back. It could be tonight or a week from now – I honestly never knew.

 

 

I woke that night to burning.

            All over my skin, up and down my arms. It started as a fire in my dreams, igniting sudden and consuming everything in its path. As it inched ever closer to me, I woke with a gasp and realized the burning was _me_ , not a fire.

            I rubbed and scratched at my arms, grinding my teeth together as I scowled up at the ceiling before I sat up, looking around. I wasn’t in any danger and the sensation wasn’t physical, so I wasn’t sure why I still bothered. Kieron was in trouble, according to our bond, but there was nothing I could do about it.

            I had no idea where he was. Somewhere in Ethereal, but I wasn’t even sure how to get there. We usually traveled through different gateways when going there and coming back, and it was usually dark outside. A majority of the time it was also foggy, either because that was just how the early morning hours seemed to be or because there was a gateway nearby, I wasn’t sure. I only knew where one gateway was and that was back in my old town, in the woods I never should have traveled through in the first place, but even if I found the gateway on my own and stumbled through it, I wouldn’t know where I was in Ethereal, nor would I know how to get to Kieron.

            There was nothing I could do for him.

            These were the worst nights during his absence. Knowing he was fighting was one thing – feeling the danger was something else entirely.

            Especially since I was supposed to be the aggressor in this relationship. All I wanted to do was tear something apart.

            I glanced at the digital alarm clock on my dresser, which stated that it wasn’t really night anymore, but rather early morning.

            _4:22am_.

            I sighed and looked up at the ceiling, feeling too much like a worried wife while her husband was away at war. This was ridiculous – I had just as much right to fight as he did! So what if he was stronger? I had a role in this too! And yet I was kept safe.

            I rolled over and buried my face in my pillow, struggling to ignore the urge to rip something apart and scratch my arms until that burning itch _stopped_.

            I did okay for a few minutes before I growled and sat up, throwing my feet over the side of my bed. It was times like this I wished I knew how this telepathic link worked so I could at least talk to him and easy my worrying and that burning sensation, but if Kieron had himself blocked there was little I could do. Apparently, as a perpetual, he had a natural defense against telepathic beings, and I was human. As a human, I didn’t possess any telepathic abilities, and thus couldn’t control them. At least he had a defense and an advantage in using this nifty ability, but that left me at a disadvantage when needing to contact him. Perhaps our training should focus more on the telepathic aspect of our bond instead of the physical training…

            Though I rarely actually went into battle, I did continue training. Both Kieron and I insisted upon it. I insisted because I needed to know how to better defend myself in case I got separated from Kieron or he got hurt enough to actually knock him out or something. Kieron insisted because he thought it might make me feel better.

            Yes, Kieron, my cold bastard of a perpetual, was looking out for my _feelings_. I wasn’t sure whether I should be shocked, touched or horrified at this revelation.

            He insisted that if I felt better about my abilities in defending myself, I wouldn’t be so… pathetically human, or something like that.

            Well, _sorry_ for being human.

            It wasn’t like I could help it!

            I scratched at my arms as I stomped into the bathroom. The only thing that really helped to soothe the burn (other than Kieron being out of danger, of course) was a freezing cold shower. I never looked forward to these. I didn’t particularly like being cold.

            With a growl I turned the knob to cold, stripped and stepped under the spray.

 

 

I woke to someone knocking on my door.

            That in and of itself was strange. The only time someone usually knocked was when Ashere showed up to take Kieron away, and half the time he just barged in despite how much I argued. Tommy usually called before he showed up and I never really got any other visitors here.

            I rolled out of bed and moved through the kitchenette toward the door, which I pulled open somewhat slowly, forever aware I was still being hunted. While not being hunted in the hopes of being killed, I was still under the threat of capture.

            Dark brown eyes blinked at me from a pale face, a veil of dark red hair half covering one eye. A smile slowly spread across my face.

            “Bekkah,” I greeted, and she smiled.

            “Hey, Terry,” she said amiably.

            Bekkah was a perpetual, but much more like Kieron than Ashere was. She was of Kieron’s rank, so of the lower third of the pyramid, built for battle more than anything else. It was strange because she certainly didn’t look it. Kieron didn’t look particularly strong or anything, but he had this way about him which screamed of intimidation. One look at him and his eyes and you knew he could rip you to shreds. Bekkah, on the other hand, looked more like a friendly face there to offer one a helping hand. That, I think, is perhaps the scariest…

            She smiles, then she bites.

            Literally.

            Ouch.

            “Come in,” I said, stepping aside to allow her entrance.

            I hadn’t seen that much of her recently, but she was there in the beginning. In fact she was the one who first told us about this war, both of them, and how Etherians were unhappy with perpetuals because of the screamers and whatnot. At first I was kind of iffy on her, but she grew on me.

            In the beginning, I’d been pretty protective of Kieron. This was understandable considering he’d basically _died_ because of me, and was only alive due to our bond despite the fact it was apparently unheard of for such a thing to happen to a perpetual. Then again, perpetuals were named as such for a reason, and weren’t used to fearing death (or in Kieron’s case, welcoming it…) so maybe it wasn’t unheard of, just… it hadn’t happened before simply because it was pretty damn hard to kill an immortal.

            “How are you?” Bekkah asked as she sat on the couch and propped her feet up on the table, crossing her ankles as she leaned back into the cushions. I grinned and plopped down next to her.

            “I’m okay,” I said. “You? Why are you here?”

            She pouted. “You don’t want me here?”

            “I didn’t say that,” I said, rolling my eyes. “But you never just stop by.” I paused and swallowed. “Is Kieron okay?”

            She rolled her eyes and dramatically flung herself backward, more into the cushions, arms now resting atop the back of the couch on either side of her. “Pretty sure you know the answer to that, kid.”

            I scowled. “I’m not a kid.”

            I looked older than her even though I knew she was probably centuries older than me. Sometimes it was hard to look at Kieron and realize he was an old ass man.

            “Kieron’s okay,” she said, shaking her head as she smiled again, peering at me through that veil of wavy red hair. “We were in a bit of a jam last night but we came out fine, as usual. Did you doubt us, Terry?”

            I shook my head. “Nope,” I said.

            She chuckled and leaned forward, arms dropping from the couch to instead rest on her knees as her feet dropped from the table. “Kieron should be here later.”

            I blinked. “Oh?”

            She nodded, grinning. “Yep. He had to do something first.”

            “What?”

            She shrugged. “I’m not his mom,” she said. “Got any food?”

            I sighed and shook my head, waving my hand in the direction of the refrigerator. She giggled and jumped to her feet, rushing past me in a blur of red. Normally I would be shocked at this speed, but I was dating Kieron. Kieron could be very fast when he wanted to be, and made Bekkah’s speed look like an angry little kitten trying to tackle someone’s toes.

            Then again…

            Smile, then bite.

            Ouch.

           

 

In preparation for Kieron’s arrival, Bekkah helped me make dinner. I doubted Kieron would care what he was eating as long as there was enough of it, so we decided to fix up some homemade spaghetti.

I did the noodles while Bekkah… did the dishes.

I cooked the noodles while Bekkah… opened the spaghetti sauce.

In the end it did come out okay, but I didn’t really know when Kieron would be coming. Bekkah said it would be soon.

I wasn’t sure why I was cooking him a meal, or why I was so excited about it.

Then it hit me.

_This is the first time I’ve done something like this…_

It was true – I’d never cooked for him. We never sat down and had an actual meal. We had pancakes a few times, sure, and pizza, but never a home-cooked meal, and rarely ever at the table, unless it was pancakes.

I missed having home-cooked meals. Mom used to always fix them. John used to invite me to his place for dinner and whatnot too, before…

Well, before shit went down, things happened, and I moved.

End of that story.

The point was, it would be the first home-cooked meal shared with Kieron, and it was something I was cooking. I wasn’t a chef by any standards and I hoped I didn’t mess it up. I couldn’t ask Bekkah for help – she was too busy eying the Parmesan cheese (AKA stinky cheese).

A few minutes after the food was done, the doorknob twisted and the door opened. I grinned as it swung open to reveal blue hair and blue eyes, a familiar face I knew none of my human friends or family would ever see, as they were not able to do so. Only I could see the blue hair, the animal-like features he gained when angered.

However, my smile died away as soon as I saw the look in those blue eyes.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, stepping out of the kitchenette, toward him as he stood in the doorway. Behind me, I could hear Bekkah doing the same.

It wasn’t that he looked panicked, or even tired or wounded. There was just something in his gaze which screamed _wrong_ , though I wasn’t sure why.

“You need to come with me,” he said through gritted teeth, leaving me frowning at him as I stopped in front of him.

“Why?”

“What’s wrong, Kieron?” Bekkah asked, coming up behind me.

“One of our strongholds was overrun,” he said, voice a low, somewhat angry rumble. I swallowed as the clarity of what that meant sunk in, and closed my eyes because I knew a lot of people had died today. A lot of people would not be returning home to see their families. Loved ones waited for someone who would never come home again.

It was horrible.

And I was to blame…

It wasn’t a pain in my head this time so much as it was a palm swatting the side of my face. I blinked and scowled at the narrowed blue eyes.

“Bigger fish, human, bigger fish,” he said, voice a growl as his eyes flashed somewhat, hinting at his animalistic features.

I swallowed and nodded. “Where are we going? What happened?”

Kieron opened his mouth to answer but instead, he grunted, dropped to his knees and cradled his head in his hands, nails growing out to sharp points, stabbing into his skull, leaving red blood in their wake. Next to me, Bekkah dropped to her knees as well, releasing a grunt and then a wail of anguish. Kieron grunted and gasped for breath, face suddenly so pale, and I hurried and shut the door (which had still been open because until now, Kieron had technically been standing in the open doorway) and knelt next to him, grasping his shoulder.

I didn’t ask what was happening. I didn’t ask if they were okay.

I knew the answer to both of those questions.

Instead I just held his shoulder and tried to be as comforting as possible.

It was harder than it should have been.

When this happened, it meant a mental link, however faint, had been shattered, so to speak. A fellow perpetual had just been killed, and Bekkah and Kieron were experiencing the ramifications of such a thing, killing the immortals. It wasn’t physical pain but more mental, and while it seemed to hurt like hell, I knew they would both be okay after it ended. They would most likely be tired, but generally okay.

It didn’t look like we would be heading to Ethereal at the moment.

It took a good twenty minutes but finally the grunts and whimpers seemed to stop, and Kieron stopped trying to dig his brains out. Face still pale, he blinked glazed blue eyes open and peered at me.

“How are you?” I asked, watching him carefully.

He took in a breath and nodded but didn’t say anything.

I nodded and glanced at Bekkah, who was just as pale. “You okay?”

She gave into a shaky nod and leaned heavily against a wall, taking in slow, deep breaths.

After that none of us said anything.

Someone just lost their life – someone previously _immortal_ – and it wouldn’t be appropriate to speak of it.

I did, however, managed to have dinner with the two of them. Despite Kieron’s exhaustion from fighting and then traveling and then the perpetual death thing, he was starving, apparently. Bekkah just wanted to eat the food because she had a hand in making it and it was human food, according to her. Apparently she didn’t come to the human world very often, only when assigned to do so, which, for her, was pretty rare.

It wasn’t the meal I was planning, but at least I was surrounded by people I cared about and who also seemed to genuinely care about me as well.

            That night, we slept.

            The next day, it was back to Ethereal.


	5. Back in Ethereal

Chapter Five: Back in Ethereal

 

Ethereal, as always, was unique in its own way. A lot of it looked like it did back home – the trees, though leviathan they were; the colors, save for the color of the fire; some of the people – but there was always this _feeling_ of being somewhere else, this atmosphere I could never place but recognized instantly whenever I passed through a gateway.

            Kieron and Bekkah were at my sides. Before us was a small hut with smoke willowing from the chimney, so someone was there. I glanced at Kieron but he didn’t seem worried, so perhaps this was where we were meant to be. From what Kieron told me about certain gateways, they were pretty unpredictable and you never knew where you were going to end up once you passed through one. Sometimes the gateway I knew, the one in the woods, spat us out in different places, sometimes in an abandoned building in Ethereal, and sometimes in the woods, surrounded by leviathan trees.

            Kieron led the way toward the small hut which couldn’t have held more than one room, and knocked twice on the door. It swung open to reveal Ashere, who seemed to scowl as he took notice of me, but he nodded in greeting at the blue-haired immortal. I sighed and fought the urge to glare at him as he stepped aside and allowed the three of us entrance.

            No one spoke as we gathered in the smaller of the two rooms. I was surprised there were two rooms but one seemed to be a gathering area while the other was some kind of sleeping area. We gathered in the former, Kieron leaning casually against a wall, arms folded across his chest as Bekkah and I took the only two chairs in the room. Ashere stood before us, looking somewhat agitated.

            “So what’s going on?” I asked, glancing from face to face.

            Ashere blinked and looked at Kieron. “You didn’t tell them?”

            Kieron scowled. “I was going to, but then someone died.” He shrugged, like it meant nothing, even as a knot formed in my stomach as I remembered Kieron and Bekkah bowing their heads in pain. I knew it must have been worse for Ashere, but I could muster little sympathy for the guy. It wasn’t even because I sort of disliked him because he seemed to have a thing for Kieron. It was because of his role in the food chain, so to speak.

            Ashere was of a higher rank than Kieron, which meant he knew a lot of information but seldom joined in on fights. Because of this, he wasn’t bred for brutality and strength, and thus never had to undergo training which consisted of pain management. From what I read in that book I found (though where it was now was beyond me) the lower ranking perpetuals were often injured so that they could grow used to the healing process and not let pain stand in their way.

            As Kieron explained it to me, he was ‘used’ to pain and Ashere wasn’t, and thus while they felt the same amount of pain, Ashere did not quite know how to handle it. While Kieron went to his knees and groaned and made grunts of pain, Ashere would literally scream.

            I would have felt bad for him if I didn’t know about this hierarchy. I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t have to fight too, and be used to pain, since he obviously knew how to handle himself. Though not as strong as Kieron, he could hold his own against him. I saw this when they trained together after this war started, because Kieron insisted Ashere needed to have some physical training just like I did. Our trainings varied, of course. Ashere’s consisted of a bit of pain management (which I watched with this odd bit of satisfaction, how horrible am I?) and fine tuning his combat skills, while mine mainly consisted of defensive combat as opposed to offensive. I was not to engage the enemy in a fight unless absolutely necessary, and only fight them off enough to get away until Kieron showed up or someone else.

            I felt like a coward because of that plan, but I knew I wouldn’t stand a chance against a screamer on my own, or a perpetual. I simply couldn’t compete with their raw strength and healing abilities, not to mention the screamers’ thick skin. Even Kieron had trouble with them sometimes.

            I was snapped out of my thoughts as Kieron pushed away from the wall and sighed, scrubbing a hand across his face. “One of our bases were overrun,” he said finally.

            I blinked, because he said something similar to that before, at my apartment. “How many dead?”

            He shrugged. “I don’t know.”

            “How do you not know?” I echoed, before looking at Bekkah. “Don’t you guys feel it?”

            Bekkah swallowed. “Yes, but on that scale, so many at once…”

            I took in a slow breath as I let that sink in. More than one at once? I could only imagine what kind of pain they must have been in!

            “We kind of blacked out,” Bekkah admitted, a little sheepishly. “Except Kieron.”

            Kieron rolled his eyes. “You guys just can’t handle pain.”

            Bekkah rolled her eyes in response and lightly shoved at his shoulder, as he stood next to her now, between the two of us. “Well, _sorry_ , Mr. Macho Man, but I seem to recall you swaying like a distressed damsel.”

            Kieron glowered at her. “I did no such thing.”

            “You totally did.”

            “I don’t _sway_.”

            “Uh huh, sure.”

            Kieron glared at her but she just smiled back, and I couldn’t but grin myself. I liked Bekkah – she was amusing and never seemed to be phased by Kieron’s attitude. I also didn’t feel threatened to her, or at least not according to the bond, so that was a few hundred points in her favor over Ashere.

            “Get on with it, Kieron,” Ashere said.

            Kieron nodded. “Right, well, people died. So, I’ve been ‘summoned’ to meet with the Elders.”

            I frowned even as Bekkah and Ashere remained oddly quiet for a few long moments. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. “Summoned?” I asked, frowning at the perpetual.

            Kieron nodded slowly. “Yes, summoned. And no, I don’t know why, so don’t ask. All I know is that they want you to come too.”

            I blinked because that was unexpected. Ever since they realized I could actually ‘see’ them and was apparently this guy foretold in this prophecy or something, they pretty much kept me away from everything, and I mean _everything_. Only small missions could I go on, and only if I wasn’t alone and had Kieron there with me. So, for them to want me there meant something was definitely off.

            Even so, I got to be with Kieron and finally got to stop sitting on my ass while he did all the hard work in the war _I_ started.

            “Ow!” I hissed, bringing a hand up to rub at the back of my head where Kieron thumped it. Narrowed blue eyes locked onto me.

            “Enough,” he said.

            I sighed and shrugged, even as Bekkah and Ashere shared a glance. Ashere cleared his throat and grabbed Kieron’s arm. “Kie, come with me for a minute, please.” He held tight to Kieron’s arm and started to lead him out of the small hut while I watched, frowning. Before they got to the door, Kieron yanked his arm away and scowled at Ashere.

            “What’s with the pulling?”

            “Come with me.”

            Kieron sighed and nodded, and the two disappeared out the doorway.

            “How are you holding up?” Bekkah asked, catching me off guard. I tore my gaze away from the doorway and focused on her.

            “Hmm?”

            “How are you holding up?” she repeated.

            “Fine, I guess? Why?”

            Nothing happened to me, so why would anything be wrong? You know, besides the obvious.

            She shrugged and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. “Just checking. Oh, and dinner was good, by the way. Sorry I didn’t say it sooner.”

            I smiled at her. That was why I liked her – she could ruthless like Kieron, but she could also be friendly and compassionate though she liked to say it was only because she felt ‘honor-bound’ to make sure I was ‘okay’ and ‘safe.’

            Bullshit. Kieron had a much better poker face than she did, and I could see right through him. He cared, in his own perpetual kind of way. He would just never admit it.

            My thoughts traveled back to when he got stabbed with that golden blade. I hated remember it, remembering the hot blood, the redness stealing all the rest of the color from the perpetual, red gloves I never wanted…

            But after that, when we both woke up, he said that if he could love, he would love me. Love was always an odd concept for me, though. I loved my family but if I wasn’t bound to them by blood I’d probably have absolutely nothing to do with them, so what kind of love is that? I thought I maybe sort of a _little_ loved Kieron but, again, how could I not? We were bound together in a different way than blood but we shared a bond all the same. Would we be together if we met under entirely different circumstances?

            Probably not. He was an ass in the beginning. Still kind of is…

            But he did have his moments.

            I was forced out of my thoughts by Kieron and Ashere returning to the room, Kieron scowling and Ashere looking somewhat smug… if perpetuals (who supposedly couldn’t feel anything) could be smug.

            I narrowed my eyes. “What?”

            Kieron shrugged. “Nothing. We’ll be leaving in a few hours, if that’s okay with you.”

            I blinked, surprised he asked for my opinion. “Yeah, that’s fine.”

            I didn’t have any plans at home, after all. So why not? Besides, I was getting more and more curious, and I got to spend some time with Kieron.

            That was always a plus, even when he was being an ass. I blamed the bond.

            “Get some sleep, then,” Kieron said. “And eat.”

            I frowned. “What about you?”

            He shrugged. “Got something I have to do.”

            “Like?”

            He narrowed his eyes at me. “Human,” he said in that tone of voice which meant not to question him further.

            I sighed. “Fine, whatever, sure, leaving me here like I’m some unwanted luggage.” I scowled and folded my arms across my chest.

            He rolled his eyes and turned, heading toward the door. I shook my head and glanced at Bekkah at the same time as Ashere did. Bekkah sighed and got to her feet.

            “ _Fine_ ,” she muttered. “Kie, wait up!”

            I watched as she hurried after him, wondering what was going on, before I glanced at Ashere.

            “Perpetual stuff,” he said as though that explained everything. At my frown he sighed. “ _Lower_ rank perpetual stuff.”

            I narrowed my eyes because I knew I didn’t like that. That meant something dangerous – it always did when it concerned those on the lower third of the perpetual pyramid. _Foot soldiers_.

            “And what are they doing?”

            “Nothing that concerns you.”

            My eyes narrowed further. “It concerns my _boyfriend_ , so, _yeah_ , it concerns me.”

            A scowl crept over his face but he just shook his head and didn’t say anything further. Instead, he walked toward the other small room in the hut and left me sitting there, alone.

            _Asshole_.

 

 

We left a few hours later, Kieron and I. I liked Bekkah but I was a little happy she wasn’t with us, and I was certainly happy we left Ashere behind. I knew he was Kieron’s friend and everything, but he rubbed me the wrong way. Every time I saw him now, I just wanted to punch him in the face…

            Though that might have something to do with me being the aggressor in this relationship, I’m not sure. Either way, I didn’t like him. I wouldn’t say I _hated_ him, but if someone hit him in the face with a brick, I would probably laugh. And cry. And laugh. And roll around on the floor.

            Achem, anyway.

            It was late by the time we finally left. This would have bothered me at one point in time, but now it was almost like second nature, traveling at night. In the beginning we always traveled at night, though I wasn’t sure why. Gradually we started traveling during the day, or whenever we could or had to do so. Thus far we still stayed clear of hotels and cities, now more so than ever since perpetuals were now being hunted in an odd sort of way. Before, people in the cities didn’t much care for perpetuals, and after I found out what Kieron had to do for his _payment_ so we could stay there in the first place… well, no. If I ever saw who made him do that, I would personally carve into the guy. Perhaps that sounded harsh, and maybe it was the aggressor in me talking, but I wouldn’t mind if that guy died. Just thinking about it made a hot ball in my stomach, like I ate nothing but hot peppers the past few days.

            Kieron tossed me a look and I sighed, shrugging. “Sorry.”

            “You’re not sorry.”

            “I feel no guilt,” I agreed with a small smile. He rolled his eyes and looked ahead again.

            “So what’s going to happen once we get there?”

            Kieron shrugged. “I don’t know.”

            I sighed and nodded because he was never told very much. Therefore he couldn’t tell what was happening because he himself had no idea. This system was horribly flawed but there was little I could do about it.

            “My brother wants to meet you,” I said after a few long moments of traveling in silence. Kieron tossed me a glance and quirked a brow at me, and I shrugged. “Well, he does. He keeps asking about you and there’s only so much I can actually tell him, so now he thinks I don’t know you at all. Which, I do know you… right?” At this, I frowned and looked at him.

            He shrugged. “Well enough,” he said, and I nodded. There was no way he was going to be completely open with me and tell me all his secrets. The very idea was ludicrous.

            “Right, well, so he wants to meet you.”

            “I don’t know about that.”

            “Kieron. He’s my brother. You know I want you two to…”

            “Get along?” he finished, narrowing his eyes at me, and I swallowed and nodded because he knew the answer to that. He saw it in my limbo or whatever the hell it was. He knew I wanted them to get along and everything.

            “Yeah…”

            “I don’t know about that either.”

            “Kieron… please? Just… meet him and see how it goes? He’s a great guy.”

            A scowl cross my perpetual’s face. “I don’t know.”

            “It doesn’t have to be right now.”

            “Well, obviously.”

            I rolled my eyes. “Just… some time, when you have down time and are with me for a few days…? Okay?”

            He sighed. “Do I have a choice?”

            I grinned. “Nope. You’re the best.”

            He smirked. “I am pretty awesome.”

            I snorted and followed after him as he veered left somewhat. I had no idea how long it would take to get there. They had transportation here but only really in cities and whatnot, and that was too dangerous at the moment. So, traveling by foot it was, but that was okay because that was how we usually traveling anyway. I’d gotten used to it and my feet no longer ached like they did before.

            “So what did you have to do with Bekkah?” I asked after a few moments of silence.

            “Nothing.”

            “Ashere said it was _lower_ rank perpetual stuff.”

            A scowl crossed Kieron’s face. “Oh, he did?”

            “Uh huh. So, what’d you do? He wouldn’t tell me.”

            Kieron shrugged. “We just scouted the area, that’s all.”

            I frowned. “And he couldn’t tell me that?” It wasn’t like it was something new – Kieron always scouted the area. At first I thought it was because he was paranoid or something, but it turned out it was because of his ranking in the messed up system, and it was his job to look for potential threats.

            “Ash is kind of weird that way.”

            I scoffed. “You’re telling me.” I couldn’t keep the sourness out of my voice.

            Kieron cast me a glance. “You’re not a fan.”

            “Of Ashere? No. Absolutely not.”

            This wasn’t a secret, really. I never came out and said it to Ashere’s face or anything, but I was pretty sure he got the hint. After all, I couldn’t stop growling at him when Kieron first woke up after having _died_ on me. From what they told me then, it was a miracle he was even alive, that he healed and woke up. Unprecedented, they said.

            But I wasn’t going to question it, because I was just thankful I wasn’t alone in this. I was thankful he was still here despite the fact he _wanted to die_ …

            I chewed on my lower lip, trying to push those thoughts away, but it was hard. Kieron previously wanted to die. Hated that he _couldn’t_ die. Said he always healed, always lived. After very nearly dying forever, and waking up, he admitted he wasn’t sure how to feel about still being alive. He didn’t want to die anymore, though, so that was something at least.

            “Human.”

            I glanced at Kieron, who scowled at me. “Sorry. Can’t help it. Can’t just force myself to not think about things.”

            Kieron snorted. “Think happy shit, then, dammit.”

            “Why? What does it feel like to you? Why can’t I get a read on your thoughts if you can on mine?”

            “Because I was trained to not be an open book,” Kieron said. “I wasn’t, however, trained to block other people’s thoughts because, you know, never expected to be _tied_ to anyone.”

            “Sorry to be such an inconvenience,” I muttered.

            He was quiet for a moment. Finally he sighed and kept his gaze focused straight ahead. “It’s not that you’re an inconvenience – it’s that you were unexpected.”

            I nodded slowly. “You didn’t answer my question.”

            “You have so many.”

            I snorted. “What does it feel like to you? My less-than-happy thoughts?”

            He shrugged. “Hard to explain.”

            “Well, try.”

            “I don’t know, human. Like a nail digging into my skull. Not really painful but really fucking annoying. This dull ache that won’t go away. So, think happy shit. It’s really hard to focus when you’re being annoying.”

            I frowned but nodded. I could see how that would bother him, especially in the middle of a fight. I would seriously have to work on that and make sure not to distract him while we were separated. I didn’t want him getting hurt because of me.

            “What’s it feel like when I ‘think happy shit’?” I couldn’t help but ask.

            He tossed me a look. “Really, human?”

            I shrugged. “Why not?”

            He rolled his eyes, shook his head, and ignored me.

 

 

Hours later, in the early morning before the sun rose, we arrived at our destination. Before, the Elders were in this odd cave of sorts, where it was very hard to see and Kieron had to lead the way due to his freaky night vision. Now, though, it was this very normal looking house on the outskirts of a small town. I was shocked they were staying so close to the people who wanted to kill them, but the best way to stay out of sight was to hide under their noses, apparently.

            Kieron knocked twice on the door and then twisted the knob, pushing it open. Someone stepped out from around a corner, and I recognized it as one of the people present at my Reading. They were also present when Kieron got stabbed by that golden blade but I wasn’t going to think about that.

            I never learned their name, but the brown eyes staring back at me were familiar, at least.

            “Kieron,” the guy said in greeting, tilting his head toward the blue-haired perpetual.

            “Dettere,” Kieron replied, and I blinked at the odd name. “What’s this all about?”

            The guy, Dettere, sighed. “It is complicated. How is your human?” His gaze traveled to me, and I scowled.

            “His _human_ is fine,” I muttered. I had this odd distaste of the word whenever it wasn’t being used by Kieron, which was odd but I couldn’t help it.

            “Good,” he said, unaware of the emphasis on the word. “It must remain that way. However, there are a few things which need addressed.”

            “Such as?” I prompted. What was with perpetuals and dragging things out? Seriously, first Kieron, now this.

            “For starters,” Dettere said, “your bond with Kieron.”

            I blinked. “Why does that need addressed?” They knew all about my bond with Kieron. They did a Reading before and everything, though I still wasn’t entirely sure what that was about. Something mental, instinctual, something like that, I didn’t know. All I knew was that it verified my bond with the blue-haired perpetual and made them realize I was this ‘foretold’ human or whatever.

            Confusing stuff. Blech.

            Why could nothing ever be simple?

            “We know how typical Etherian bonds work,” Dettere said slowly, as though speaking to a small child because obviously my ‘tiny human brain’ wouldn’t be able to understand what he was saying. I was liking this guy less by the second. “We know how typical bonds concerning perpetuals work. We don’t, however, understand your bond.”

            “What do you mean?” Kieron asked, appearing just as confused as I was.

            “You feel each other’s pain.”

            Kieron and I shared a look. Kieron didn’t wish it to be known that I felt phantom aches of his pain. I didn’t question his wishes, especially after he nearly died on me, and so we didn’t tell anyone. To my knowledge only Kleo knew, and maybe Ashere if Kieron told him, I wasn’t sure. I knew there was a reason Kieron didn’t want anyone to know, though, and now Dettere knew and it caused us both to be summoned here.

            A knot formed in my stomach.

            Hot, tight, and uncomfortable.

            “This must be tested,” Dettere said simply.

            “Tested?” I echoed, that knot getting bigger, tighter.

            The perpetual nodded.

            “No,” Kieron said, and I glanced at him. “We’re not doing your stupid tests. A lot of people feel the pain of those they are bound to.”

            “This is true, yet not when a perpetual is concerned, and especially not… well, _you_ , Kieron.”

            I didn’t like his tone. At all.

            Anger roared through my mind. A growl escaped my throat before I could suppress it and Kieron shot me a quick glare, but I couldn’t stop it.

            Dettere frowned at me. “Something wrong?”

            I opened my mouth to tell him what I thought of his ‘ _you_ , Kieron’ speech when Kieron’s hand landed on my shoulder, firm, tight and somewhat painful. “No, he’s just hungry and tired. We’ve been walking for a while.”

            I shot him a glance but he refused to meet my eye.

            Dettere watched the both of us for a moment before his gaze settled on me. “Tell me, Terry, was it?”

            I nodded.

            “Terry, what is your bond with Kieron like?”

            “Huh?”

            “You feel his pain, yes? Or, rather, when he is hurt?”

            I swallowed, glancing at Kieron but he still refused to meet my gaze, so I finally just gave into a small nod. Somehow this guy already knew this anyway, so why lie? “Yes. I do.”

            “Fascinating. And do you share a physical connection?”

            “Excuse me?”

            “He’s asking if we had sex,” Kieron muttered, gaze focused on the ground, expression contorted in a perpetual scowl.

            I bit my lower lip. “Does… how is that your business?”

            Dettere’s eyes narrowed somewhat. “It is a simple question. Yes or no.”

            “Okay, um, yes.”

            Again, why lie? Thus far these guys hadn’t steered us wrong. They helped us when Kieron was hurt and was still healing, gave us safe passage out of Ethereal, and helped me get my new apartment. They weren’t the bad guys, so why lie to them?

            Dettere’s brows rose somewhat. “More than once?”

            “I…” Again, Kieron wouldn’t look at me, so I sighed and gave into a brief nod, not bothering to say more.

            “I see. Do the two of you share an emotional connection?”

            “We share a bond, does that count?”

            Dettere shook his head. “A bond is more profound, more primitive than emotional needs. It is pure instinct and can cause a more emotional dependence. Has this occurred?”

            I frowned, confused. “What?”

            “There is no aggressor,” Kieron said, finally looking up from the ground, steely gaze locked onto me, daring me to contradict him. I swallowed and nodded, agreeing with what he was saying, even though I was beyond confused.

            I was the aggressor. So why was he saying there wasn’t one?

            “Are you certain?” Dettere asked.

            “I think I would know. And there’s not.”

            The perpetual nodded. “I see. I will confer with the others. In the meantime, there is a room ready for the two of you if you wish to relax. There is also food in the kitchen if you are hungry.” With that, he gave each of us a brisk nod and left the room, leaving the two of us alone.

            I turned to Kieron but he put a finger to his lips and shook his head. A moment later, warmth flooded through me in soft, soothing waves crashing against my mind in little, gentle ripples. I almost couldn’t keep the goofy grin off my face. A scowl crossed Kieron’s face in response.

            **Really, human?**

_What? This feels good._

            And it did. Having the bond open like this… yes, it felt good. Made me feel complete, whole, warm… _right_.

            _Why can’t we talk? And why did you tell him there’s not an aggressor? Aren’t I the aggressor?_

**It’s complicated. It’s better if they don’t know there is an aggressor.**

_Oh? Why’s that?_

**Because then they’ll try to test it. They’re already going to test the aspects you agreed with which is going to suck enough as it is, I don’t need that on top of it.**

I frowned. _Test it?_

            I didn’t like the sound of that. What did I agree with, again?

            _They’re not going to… hurt you, are they? I mean… to test that I feel your pain? Are they going to hurt me?_

            **Not you, no. They’re not familiar enough with the human makeup to not accidentally kill you, so you’re off the hook.** That scowl was back on his face, and this time I understood why.

            I shook my head. _Well, we’re not going to let them test it. You’re not getting hurt just so they can see if I feel it! That’s ridiculous!_

            **It’s how it is. Anyway, I’ll keep my side a little open, so if you have questions, ask them this way. Never know who is listening.**

_But… aren’t these the good guys? Don’t we trust them?_

            What if I was wrong? What if they weren’t the good guys?

            That knot in my stomach returned full force.

            **They are on our side, and we can trust them, but this… they don’t need to know about this. Or about us communicating like we are right now. That will only cause problems later, so… just deny it if they ask.**

            I nodded. _Okay, sure, I’ll do that._

            **And stop growling when they say something about me. It’s kind of telling.**

**** _Sorry. I can’t help it._

**Well, try.**

            He made it sound so easy. I nodded nevertheless, and the scowl finally disappeared from his face and he got to his feet.

            “Hungry, human?” he asked as he led the way out of the room.

            I smiled and followed after him, catching up quickly.


	6. Much Ado about a Lake

Chapter Six: Much Ado about a Lake

 

We were woken the next day by someone knocking on the door of the room we shared. Kieron buried his head under his pillow with this irritated grunt and I almost smiled as I rolled out of bed and moved to open the door. It opened to reveal Dettere, who nodded in greeting, and I did the same.

            “I hope this morning finds you well,” he said.

            I nodded. “Yeah. How about you?”

            He nodded and glanced over my shoulder. I hadn’t even noticed Kieron approaching until he shoved a clean shirt into my hands, causing me to look back at him. We hadn’t exactly brought clothes here – I wasn’t sure how long this would take, and I usually just wore whatever Kieron gave me anyway. Where he got this shirt I would never know, but I nodded at him in thanks and slipped my other shirt off to replace it with this new one.

            “They will see you now,” Dettere said as he turned on his heel and walked away. We were expected to follow, but I frowned at Kieron and shook my head.

            “They?”

            He sighed and scrubbed a hand across his face as he tugged on his shoes. “Just go with it, human. And remember what I said.”

            I nodded. “Right. Got it.”

            Don’t let them know there’s an aggressor.

            Don’t let them know _I’m_ the aggressor.

            Don’t let them see us doing our mental talks.

            Don’t get irritated and growl if they say something to or about Kieron.

            Right. Got it.

            Easier said than done, but I’d try because it was what Kieron wanted, and he didn’t ask for much.

            Walked in silence down a narrow, dimly lit hallway until we stopped outside a door. Dettere pushed open the door and waved us inside. We entered and the door closed behind us with a quiet snap. The sound was quiet but even so I felt my spine stiffen as we walked forward, toward three people standing there.

            I didn’t want to say all Etherians looked the same, or even perpetuals, but I couldn’t remember if I’d seen them before or not. Probably, at some point, but so much was happening with the war and everything. I lost track of people.

            “We’re glad you could join us,” one of the perpetuals said, gesturing at a small table. “If the human could sit…”

            I sighed and didn’t bother correcting him because honestly, what was the point? Right now I just wanted to know what was going on, and why we’d been ‘summoned’ here. A knot formed in my stomach because I knew it couldn’t be good if they actually requested my presence.

            I sat and watched as they waved Kieron off to the side. He dutifully did as instructed and was led from the room through a back door, leading outside. I watched until the door closed behind him, and fidgeted somewhat in my seat as I looked at the one remaining perpetual who stayed behind with me while the other two went with Kieron.

            That knot tightened and grew.

            The perpetual looked at me with dark brown eyes, stepping toward me. He didn’t say or do anything except watch me with this intense, calculating gaze like he could see right through me, and it was more than a little unnerving.

            And then the burning started, and pain laced across my midsection, a thin line of fire.

            I jumped to my feet, eyes widening, a growl forming in the back of my throat as I glared at the perpetual. “Where is he?” I snapped. “What are you doing to him?”

            These were supposed to be the good guys, right? They were supposed to be helping us, not attacking Kieron!

            The perpetual didn’t quite smile but he might as well have. “So you _do_ feel each other’s pain.”

            “We already said we did,” I snapped. “Where’s Kieron?” I moved toward the door only to be cut off by the perpetual who easily slid between me and it.

            _Get out of my way, dammit!_

            I needed to get to Kieron. Stop this burning, this pain, this-

            **_Human._**

_Kieron! Are you okay?_

_**I’m fine. They’re just testing to see if you feel my pain. Did I let enough leak through to satisfy them?**_

            I swallowed, realizing that if he didn’t wish to share his pain with me, he could probably easily hide it, as long as it wasn’t too severe or done with that golden blade…

            _I… I don’t know._

            **_I think it worked. On my way back. Stay calm._**

            I nodded and then realized the perpetual was watching me, and I bobbed my head again as if to show I was thinking to myself. I hoped he didn’t suspect our mental link. I wasn’t sure how they’d test _that_ but I was sure they’d try. I couldn’t help but agree with Kieron that this was none of their business and it didn’t need to be tested.

            Kieron pushed through the door and the other perpetual and I stepped away from it. I scanned him over and saw blood darkening his clothes in a few places but he caught my eye and I relaxed somewhat. He was okay, but it was terrible that they did that to him in the first place.

            “Why did you hurt him?” I asked, rounding back toward the other perpetual. “We told you we felt each other’s pain.”

            Did they think we were lying before? Why would we lie about that?

            “We just needed to be sure,” the perpetual said calmly.

            “Be sure?” I spluttered, glaring at them. “You hurt him just to see if I felt it! That’s…!”

            _Wrong. On so many levels._

            “We did not mean any harm,” the perpetual said, watching me. “We only wished to test it. Kieron was in no real danger.”

            “That’s not the point,” I said, even as Kieron lightly grabbed my shoulder, irritated thoughts brushing against my own, and I realized I was probably acting a little too much like an aggressor at the moment, but it was hard to control when they were _hurting him_ to simply test something.

            “Was there something else you needed?” Kieron asked.

            The perpetual nodded. “As a matter of fact, yes. Normally I would not have the human here due to safety issues, but it was brought to my attention that, if he shares your pain as he does, he should be made aware of recent changes in plans.”

            Kieron and I shared looks, both of us clearly confused. That knot in my stomach doubled because I just _knew_ it would somehow involve Kieron getting hurt. Why did everyone want to hurt him? Sure, he healed, but that didn’t mean he didn’t feel pain.

            “Kieron, you have been reassigned,” the guy said.

            Kieron frowned. “Reassigned?” he echoed, confused. “To where?”

            Now the perpetual sighed and looked him in the eye. “To the Lake.”

            I watched as Kieron’s Adam’s apple bobbed. “Am I being punished?”

            “No,” the guy said, shaking his head. “Not at all, but we need someone of your… variety out there. It’s been rumored the screamers plan to hit the Lake soon.”

            “That’s not good,” Kieron said.

            I frowned, utterly confused. “What’s the Lake?”

            Kieron’s spine stiffened marginally and he wouldn’t look me in the eye when he looked at me. “You don’t want to know.”

            “Actually, I think I need to know,” I said. “If they’re going to be putting you there, then I should know what’s going on.”

            If it was anything too dangerous… if he was putting right in the line of fire… Then no, I wouldn’t be okay with this. I wouldn’t let it happen.

            “It’s just a lake, human,” Kieron said. “And it’s harder than hell to attack without getting hurt or worse, so I’d think it’d be too much of a hassle for the screamers. Plus they can’t hold their breath that long.”

            I frowned. “Hold their breath…?”

            His spine stiffened further as he looked at the other perpetual. “Why me? There are others like me who could go.”

            “Because you are an animalistic perpetual,” the guy said, watching him, and both Kieron and I froze somewhat because technically animalistic perpetuals weren’t supposed to exist anymore. Then my mind went back to what Kieron once said about how that, just because perpetuals couldn’t die, they still had a way to deal with them and get rid of them.

            I wondered what it was.

            “As an animalistic perpetual,” the guy continued, “if push comes to shove, you’re who we need there.”

            Kieron scowled, clearly not liking this idea, either because he hated being used like a tool, or because he hated this Lake, whatever it was. Either way I found myself shaking my head.

            “If he’s going, I’m going,” I said.

            “You’re not,” Kieron said before the other perpetual had a chance to say anything. I looked at him, frowning at the determined expression.

            “Kie?”

            “You’re not going anywhere near there,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s too dangerous.”

            “Then you can’t expect me to just let you-” I started, taking a step toward him, but he cut me off.

            “Yes,” he said calmly, “I do.”

            I swallowed at the firm touch in his voice. “But… But that’s crazy,” I said. “What _is_ this Lake?”

            “It’s just a lake,” Kieron said again, and I glared at him.

            “Bullshit,” I said. “If it was just a lake then no one would have told me to come here, and you wouldn’t be so reluctant to go.”

            Despite his semi-rebellious nature, Kieron did do as he was told. He’d question it later, and complain, but he’d always do it. Do gatekeeping here? Sure. Go to battle here? Why not. Leave the human behind? Definitely. Go to the Lake? Um… why me?

            It just wasn’t like him and it put me more than a little on edge. I just had a bad feeling about all of this.

            “I felt like you should be informed about where Kieron is being reassigned,” the perpetual said, and I glanced over at him after having momentarily forgotten about him. “If he gets hurt, I did not wish for you to be caught unaware.”

            So they wanted to tell me where Kieron was going so I would know not to worry if he got hurt. They expected him to be hurt, hurt enough he couldn’t hide it from me, and didn’t want me to be _surprised_ or _upset_ about it.

            _Fuck that._

            **_Human._**

            I nearly startled at Kieron’s firm voice echoing through my head but managed to keep my expression blank. _No. I’m not letting you go there alone. This is crazy._

_**There’s no choice in the matter. They told you to be polite but you have no say over it. I’m going, you’re not. Deal with it.**_

_Deal with it? This is ridiculous. I’m going with you._

            And that was final. I looked at the other perpetual.

            “If you’re sending Kieron, then I’m going with him,” I said. “I don’t want my skin itching and burning the whole time he’s there, and I don’t want to unexpectedly get woken in the middle of the night to phantom pain.”

            Good enough reasons, I figured. It was all I could tell them if Kieron didn’t want them to know I was the aggressor, or that there even _was_ one. Given what they did just because we felt each other’s pain, I didn’t want to know how they would go about testing for an aggressor.

            “I assure you Kieron should be perfectly safe,” the guy said. “It’s a long shot that the Lake will be attacked and this is merely a precaution.”

            “But you expect him to get hurt,” I said, “or you wouldn’t tell me about it.”

            “I am sending others with him,” he said. “Kieron will not be alone.”

            “Who?” I snapped. “Who’s going with him?”

            “Bekkah,” he said, and I relaxed somewhat because I knew her, trusted her. “Ashere and a few others.”

            My spine stiffened at the mention of Ashere. Didn’t he say he had no idea why Kieron and I would be summoned like this? Had he been lying, or had they not told him he was going yet? I glanced at Kieron and saw the same thoughts reflected in his gaze before he blinked and his face went blank.

            “I’m going,” I said again.

            “You’re not,” Kieron replied once more.

            “I don’t think that’s for you to decide,” I snapped.

            “Kieron is right, you’re not going,” the perpetual said. “It is too dangerous for a human such as yourself.”

            “I’m going,” I repeated firmly.

            “I trust you can reason with your human?” the perpetual said, looking at Kieron.

            “His _human_ is right here. And I’m going.”

            “I thought you would be calmed, knowing Ashere and Bekkah are going with him,” the guy said, frowning at me. “I know you three know each other.”

            I scowled. “Ashere isn’t someone I trust, no offense.”

            “And why not?”

            The open curiosity in the guy’s voice and gaze left me pausing momentarily. “I… I just don’t.”

            I didn’t necessarily have a reason not to trust him. He always came through in the end and helped Kieron and me several times, but I just didn’t like him. I blamed this on being the aggressor but this guy couldn’t know about that, so I had no reason to offer.

            The guy watched me for a long moment before he looked at Kieron. “Is there any reason why the human might dislike Ashere, but not Bekkah?”

            Kieron stiffly shook his head. “Not really. The two argue occasionally, though. Just personal preference, I guess.”

            “I see,” the guy said. “Nevertheless, Ashere will be accompanying you.”

            “I’m going too.”

            The perpetual sighed. “I trust you can talk to him?”

            Kieron nodded. “I’ll do my best.”

            I glared at the two of them because there was no way I was letting Kieron go there alone, especially if it might be attacked, and especially when I didn’t know what it was. A lake, sure, but there must have been some reason it seemed so important and actually left Kieron hesitating. My perpetual didn’t miss a beat, usually.

            The guy nodded, tossed me a quick glance, and then left the room, leaving me alone with Kieron. Kieron opened his mouth but I shook my head.

            “No,” I said. “I’m coming with you, end of story.”

            “Human.”

            “I’m going.”

            “You’re being ridiculous,” Kieron said. “It’s too dangerous for a human. It’s only logical.”

            “No, it’s not. It’s crazy!”

            Kieron’s eyes narrowed and his expression darkened somewhat. “I’ll tie your ass to your bed if I have to, human. You’re not coming with me.”

            I swallowed because I knew he’d follow through with that threat. “Kieron, I don’t want you going without me,” I said quietly, hoping my sincerity would get through to him. “I’m tired of being left behind. I can at least be there to keep an eye on you. We… we’re together, so-”

            “Shh!” Kieron hissed. “ _Together_ and _bonded_ have very different meanings.”

            “But… But we…”

            **_If you keep this up, they’re going to know there’s an aggressor,_** Kieron said through my head, the bond opening somewhat.

            The warm feeling didn’t quite comfort me.

            _But there_ is _an aggressor!_

_**Human. Drop it.**_

_No. I’m going with you. Unless you tell me what this Lake really is._

            Even then I wasn’t sure it would convince me. I didn’t want him going alone, with _Ashere_. I paused, then, because maybe my unease was connected to the fact I disliked Ashere, for several reasons, some of them being connected to me being the aggressor. And we couldn’t tell them there was an aggressor. But maybe if they knew I was the aggressor, they’d let me go with him. I wasn’t sure if that would make any difference in the matter, but what if it did?

            **_Human, you don’t want to know what the Lake is._**

**** _I think I’ll be the judge of that, thanks. Tell me. Or maybe I’ll tell them I’m the aggressor._

            His eyes narrowed into these harsh slits but I didn’t back down.

            **_Do you know how they’ll test that, human?_**

            That wasn’t what I was expecting. _Um… no? How?_

            It had to be bad if Kieron let them hurt him to test if I really felt his pain, but he drew the line at this.

            He was quiet for a long moment, leaving me standing there uncertainly as his gaze slowly lowered to the ground, expression growing somewhat slack, shoulders slumping.

            **_They’ll put me in the Lake._**

            That left me reeling for a moment. It sounded bad, especially since he hated the Lake, whatever it was.

            _What’s that even mean, Kie?_

            I took a small step toward him. Touched his shoulder. He let me.

            **_The Lake is where perpetuals go when they need to be ‘dealt with’. I told you we had ways of dealing with them. This is the way._**

**** _Okay, but… what is it? How does it help deal with them?_

_**The worst punishment for a perpetual is to be sent into the Lake. You’re chained up, no way out. Special bindings. Tied to something heavy, nothing that any one perpetual can lift when bound. And then they throw you in and watch you sink.**_

The dull tone of his voice in my mind mixed with those words left me freezing, that knot doubling in my stomach yet again. For a moment I was completely speechless, opening and closing my mouth, trying to find something to say but in the end I just looked like a fish.

            _That’s terrible,_ I finally managed to send through the link.

            **_It gets worse,_ ** Kieron told me.

            _How could it get worse?_

            **_The longer you’re down there, the more you drown. You die, and wake up, and drown, and die, and wake up and the process keeps repeating. There’s no break. There’s no relief. There’s no second chance._**

            I felt sick to my stomach at this news, at the thought of how terrible it was for someone when they drowned, about how terrified I was when that ‘surprise sex’ incident with Rufus happened in the bathroom, and tried to imagine having to wake up after finally passing out and dying, only to continuously repeat the process.

            And they wanted to do that to Kieron.

            “No,” I breathed, shaking my head. “Fuck that. That’s not happening. No way.”

            “You wanted to know what it was.”

            I was glad I now knew what it was, but I was anything but happy about this situation. “Why would they even want to put you there?”

            His eyes flashed. **_Be careful what you say out loud, human. And they’d put me there to test your aggressor status. I’m not entirely sure how it works but I know they’d put me there. I’m not sure for how long, and I know it wouldn’t be forever, but they’d still throw me in._**

**** _So we’ll just tell them not to! There’s no reason to put you there._

_**It’s not that simple, human. It’s our rules. And I’m sorry, but that’s where I draw the line. I’m not going in there. Call me a coward, but if you try to let that happen, if you tell them there’s an aggressor… I will**_ **never _talk to you again._**

            The honesty in his words left me swallowing thickly. I knew he was serious. The thought of him hating me again, so much he wouldn’t talk to me (because even when he didn’t like me before, he still _talked_ to me) left me standing on uncertain ground. I staggered toward a chair and sat down.

            _I won’t tell them. I won’t let it happen._

            I wouldn’t _ever_ let it happen.

            “But I’m still going with you,” I said quietly.

            **_If you go, there’s more of a chance of them finding out there’s an aggressor._**

            I swallowed because he had a point. If I did go, and they saw me behaving oddly due to Ashere, or other circumstances, it’d be hard to control myself enough for them to not become suspicious. It would be safer for Kieron if I wasn’t there to worry about, and wasn’t there to be spotted as the aggressor. As much as I disliked Ashere, I didn’t think he’d tell them I was the aggressor. I believed he cared about Kieron too much to let that happen, and that was something at least. I knew Kieron would at least be safe with him, and with Bekkah, and that eased a bit of my worries despite the fact I didn’t really like Ashere.

            My reasons for hating him had little to do with Kieron’s safety, despite how much Ashere seemed to order him around with his higher status and withhold information from him, but they were friends. I had to trust he’d keep an eye on my perpetual, and not let him get put in the Lake.

            “Okay,” I breathed quietly, nodding slowly as I dragged my gaze toward those blue eyes. “Okay, Kie, you win. I’ll… I’ll stay behind. I’ll stay home. Just… be careful.”

            Kieron’s lips twitched upward into a faint smile. “I’ll be fine, Terry.”


	7. Emotional Emphasis

Chapter Seven: Emotional Emphasis

 

Kieron got to come back home with me for the time being, thankfully. He wasn’t supposed to go to the Lake for a few days, while they gathered some more intel to better guard the place. Kieron was only going as a precaution, or so they said. He was an animalistic perpetual, and those types weren’t supposed to exist anymore. He once said they were all exterminated… and now I wondered if they were, in fact, at the bottom of the Lake in their own personal hell.

            I didn’t like thinking about it, though. Instead I wanted to focus on Kieron, and the fact he was back in my apartment. We ordered pizza and ate, and watched some things on TV. We didn’t talk for a long time. Instead we watched in silence, me slightly leaning into him. He allowed it, surprisingly.

            After about two hours of watching TV, I got to my feet. “I’m gonna shower,” I said quietly, looking him over. “Come with me.”

            He watched me for a moment, before he sighed and got to his feet. Smiling faintly, I turned and led the way through the small apartment into the bathroom. Small victories were to be cherished and it wasn’t often he showered with me, or followed me into the bathroom. However, in light of recent events, I couldn’t bring myself to really think of this as a victory.

            I didn’t want him going to the Lake. He didn’t want to go, either. And yet he was being forced to do so.

            I felt more than saw his glare. “Sorry,” I breathed, scrubbing a hand across my face.

            _Happy thoughts. Right._

            I pushed those worrisome thoughts away and instead looked at Kieron, watching as the perpetual easily slipped out of his clothes, turning the showerhead on, releasing a gentle spray, along with some steam from the warmth. Hot showers were the best, especially with Kieron.

            We’d only showered together maybe twice. Once it was out of necessity – we were both dirty and tired and we had to be up again in three hours, so there was no time for someone to shower while the other waited to shower after, so we showered together and then went to sleep for a bit. The second time, I think he joined me because I was having too many ‘negative thoughts’ and it just seemed easier to stand next to me in the shower and swat at me than to keep giving me a headache via our bond.

            So this was the first time we were showering together _just because_.

            But even then, was it really ‘just because’? Or was it because we were both more than a little worried about the Lake and his reassignment to it?

            “Human,” Kieron sighed, tossing me a quick glare before he stepped into the shower. I sighed and pushed those thoughts away yet again before stripping and following him in.

            I wanted to enjoy our closeness but honestly I was too worried about the Lake to really do so, despite how I tried not to think about it. Kieron wouldn’t get put in there as long as no one found out I was the aggressor. And if they _did_ find out… Fuck it. I would do something. I would make sure he didn’t go there. _For any reason_.

            “Human.”

            “Sorry,” I murmured, scrubbing a hand over my face as water rushed over me. “I’m trying not to think about it.”

            “It’ll be fine.”

            “What if something goes wrong?” I dragged my gaze up toward his face.

            He scowled. “Why do you always assume the worst?”

            “Because this is _stupid_! You shouldn’t have to go.”

            He shrugged. “Nothing we can do about it.” Then he turned around, his back to me, and shifted the showerhead somewhat so that it was now spraying him as well. I watched the water trickle over his body, smoothing out and darkening his blue hair, his tense muscles relaxing beneath the hot spray.

            He was probably worried about this enough as it was, without me adding onto it. Despite relaxing somewhat he still looked pretty tense, and I tried to ignore the scar on his back from where that golden blade pierced through him as I stepped a little closer, reaching for his shoulders. He went rigid beneath my sudden grip but relaxed somewhat when I started digging into those tense muscles with my fingers, attempting to work out some of those knots. He was more tense than I realized.

            “Human…” he said slowly. “What are you doing…?”

            “Trying to help,” I said. “I’m not very good at massages, but… You’re tense.” Now I paused uncertainly. “I can stop…”

            To my surprise he sighed and leaned forward, resting his forehead and palms against the wall, slipping out of the water spray, and relaxed a little more.

            “Kie?”

            “Middle of shoulder blades,” he said quietly.

            I shifted my fingers to knead at those sore, tense muscles. He stiffened and groaned somewhat before he relaxed again. I stepped forward a little more, now right behind him. I spread out my kneading, massaging other muscles until he suddenly stiffened and growled, causing me to freeze.

            “What’s wrong?”

            “Right hand,” he said tersely.

            I blinked and lifted my right hand a little, freezing when I realized where I was kneading. “It… still hurts?” I asked quietly, staring at the scar from the golden blade.

            He didn’t answer. Swallowing, I reached my hand up, grabbing his shoulder and lightly pulled him backward, away from the wall, and pulled until he turned and faced me. He didn’t fight me, but his gaze was focused on the ground, head bowed, and I didn’t like that expression at all.

            “Kie? Answer me. Does it still hurt?”

            He never mentioned it hurting. Never acted like it hurt. Then again he was good at hiding pain from me, unless it was too severe. But I didn’t feel anything when I accidentally pressed against that spot, but it left him stiffening and growling and telling me to stop. That meant it had to hurt pretty badly, or it wouldn’t bother him.

            “Kieron.”

            He muttered something. The sound of the shower drowned out his words.

            “Louder,” I said.

            “It should have healed,” he said, somewhat dejectedly, which wasn’t like him at all.

            “The wound?”

            He nodded.

            “It was gold,” I said. That was poison to them. Even after as long as it had been since he’d been stabbed with that blade, the scar still remained. Ashere doubted it would ever heal completely.

            “Others healed.”

            I blinked until I realized he meant the other knife wounds he had that were from a golden blade. He’d been cut a few times, after all, and stabbed, but that last one…

            I closed my eyes, attempting to erase the image of Kieron’s dying form from my mind even as a mild headache throbbed behind my eyes.

            “So it hurts?” I asked.

            “Not always,” he replied, and I opened my eyes, watching him. His gaze was still focused on the ground, water spraying over us.

            “When does it hurt?”

            “I don’t know.”

            “You don’t know?”

            He shrugged. “It comes at random.”

            “Define random.”

            A sigh escaped him. “Human.”

            “Tell me,” I said quietly. “When does it hurt?”

“Sometimes when I’m sleeping. Or fighting. Or… just random. Out of nowhere.”

            _That doesn’t sound good._

            “Why didn’t you tell me?”

            “It’s not like you can do anything about it.”

            “You could ask one of the Elders or… or Ashere or something,” I suggested, struggling to think of some way to help him.

            “I did.”

            “You…” I frowned as his words and their meaning sank in.

            He told Ashere before me.

            Jealousy wasn’t green. It was red. Anger.

            _Mine_.

            His gaze snapped up toward my face, eyes narrowing. “I didn’t tell Ashere,” he said. “I told Bekkah. And one of the Elders. And my sister.”

            And as suddenly as that anger appeared it dispersed and I looked away, ashamed. “I really need to work on… controlling this aggressor thing.”

            “You do,” Kieron agreed. “But not right now.”

            “Why didn’t you tell Ashere?” I asked, because it was easier to think about that than attempting to control my aggressor status.

            He went quiet for a moment. I looked back at him to find him watching me.

            “I’m not sure,” he said finally. “I went to him first. He’s older than me, and I’ve known him for a long time. He’s higher on the food chain. It made sense.” He shrugged, a hesitant look on his face. “But when I got to him… I couldn’t talk about it.”

            “What do you mean?”

            “I don’t know. I went there, I saw him, and then I just couldn’t mention it. Not to him. It was easy with Bekkah, and everyone else.”

            “Why?” I asked, frowning at him. I wasn’t sure if I should be worried he couldn’t tell Ashere, or relieved because I didn’t particularly like the guy.

            He sighed. “Human.”

            I knew he wanted me to drop it, walk away from this conversation, but I needed to know.

            “Just tell me,” I said quietly. “It can’t be that hard. Why can’t you tell Ashere?”

            “I think…” He trailed off, chewing on his lower lip. “I think it’s because of you.”

            “What? Me?”

            He shrugged and then turned around, facing the spray. “We’re going to run out of hot water, human. Let’s actually shower now.”

            “Kie, what do you mean you think it’s because of me?”

            He couldn’t just say something like that and then attempt to ignore the conversation! I reached for him.

            His response was to squirt shampoo at my head.

 

“I want to go with you.”

            Kieron tossed me a quick glare as he stuffed some more clothes into a bag. He had a duffel stashed here, and a few pairs of clothes, and I secretly went out and bought him some more not that long ago. “You’re not coming with me, human.”

            “If I don’t go I’m gonna drive myself crazy,” I said honestly. If I had to stay here and worry about him I’d distract both of us. Distracting him with my worries and negative thoughts wasn’t a good idea. Being with him made more sense. I would worry a little less because I was with him and I could keep an eye on him, and in return I wouldn’t distract him with my thoughts.

            “I’ll visit you in the asylum.”

            I glared. “I’m serious. I need to go.”

            “No.”

            “Why? Because I’m the aggressor? How am I supposed to learn to control it if you never give me a chance?”

            “That’s part of the reason,” he admitted. “If they found out…” He shook his head. “It’s too dangerous for a human.”

            “So… you’re leaving me behind to keep me safe?”

            He scowled. “If that’s how you want to look at it.”

            “I’m tired of being left behind! I’m tired of being kept safe! We’re in this together, Kieron. I won’t let them find out I’m the aggressor. I won’t get in the way. I’ll even stay inside if you want but let me go with you.”

            I needed to go with him. It was this burning need and the more I thought about staying behind, the more I felt breathless.

            “Human. No.”

            He turned and closed his duffel, slinging it over his shoulder. Then he walked out of the bedroom, leaving me standing there. Growling, I hurried after him and caught his shoulder, spinning him around.

            “I need to go with you,” I said, like he didn’t understand what I was saying.

            “You’re not coming.”

            “Please,” I said quietly, watching him. I couldn’t go unless he let me. I knew he’d find a way to keep me here, be it via following through with his threat of tying me to the bed or something else.

            He sighed. “Human. Drop it.”

            “ _Please_.”

            He got this faraway look in his eyes, as if he was seeing through me. I swallowed and tightened my grip on his shoulder, heart seizing in my chest because I didn’t like that look _at all_. It was too reminiscent of-

            _“ ‘s… g-oin’… d-ark…”_

_“No, hey, open your eyes.”_

            “Kie-?” If my voice trembled and cracked and I couldn’t say the rest of his name, I wouldn’t doubt it.

            He blinked a few times, clearing that look away before he sighed and shrugged off my grip, turning away from me, even as I stared at him, dragging in a semi-shaky breath.

            “What was that?” I asked. “What was that look? What happened?”

            I didn’t like that look. It was glazed and glossy and dark and not bright and lively, not… _alive_. It made me think of…

            “Are you okay?” I breathed, feeling dizzy with the thought. He still felt pain and he was acting oddly, and I didn’t know what to think of it. What if he was still seriously injured but neither of us really knew?

            What if he was dy-

            “Kieron,” I all but pleaded, “tell me you’re okay.”

            “I’m fine,” he said.

            _I don’t believe you._

            “What was that look? What happened?”

            I moved to stand in front of him, causing him to sigh and look at me. “Human, I’m fine.”

            “What was that?”

            “Drop it.”

            “ _Tell me_.”

            And again that faraway, glassy look darkened his gaze. Swallowing, I reached toward him, snagging his shoulders, shaking him.

            “Kieron!”

            _Snap out of it, c’mon, Kie, don’t_ -

            He blinked, the look dispersing, before he scowled and attempted to shake me off but I only tightened my grip, worry ebbing through me.

            “What’s wrong? Can you breathe okay? Does it… Are you hurt? Kie?” My right hand released his shoulder and skimmed downward, across his chest, sides and stomach but I felt nothing through the shirt. I moved my hand to slip it under his shirt but he caught my wrist, holding my gaze as I snapped my eyes back toward his face.

            “Terry,” he said quietly, “I’m _okay_.”

            “Bullshit,” I breathed, watching him, invisible steel bands surrounding my lungs in this tight, breathless grip because something was _wrong_ , it _had_ to be. “What was that? That look?”

            “It’s you,” he said bluntly.

            “M-Me?” I asked, shocked and confused, but I could sense no deception from him. I wasn’t sure when I started to be able to tell when he was lying to me, but it gradually became easier after we both woke up after the ‘limbo’ fiasco. Besides, lying really wasn’t Kieron’s style. I struggled to think of a time when he actually _lied_ to me.

            I kept coming up blank.

            He evaded the truth sometimes, via avoiding questions and not answering me, but he never outright _lied_ to me. So if he said it was _me_ …

            Was I hurting him? Was I doing this to him?

            _No. I can’t be hurting him._

            “Tell me I’m not hurting you,” I whispered, watching him, my gaze searching his.

            “I’m not hurt,” he told me, before he nodded his head off to the side, toward the couch.

He twisted free of my grip but kept his fingers tight around my wrist, leading me into the living room area, where he lightly pushed me onto the couch before sitting next to me.

_Oh, God. He’s making me sit down for this._

That couldn’t be good.

“What’s going on?” I asked. “What… How am I doing it? What am I doing?”

“I don’t think it’s something bad,” Kieron told me, and I relaxed minutely. “It’s just… something we probably need to talk about.”

“What is it? You’re okay, right?”

_Be okay._

All too clearly those images of him _not okay_ flashed through my mind, of my hands sticky with blood, of his eyes glazed and his blinks becoming longer… reminiscent of that glazed look earlier… and _fuck_ , he had to be _okay_ , and-

“ _Terry_ ,” Kieron all but growled, causing me to blink and focus on him again. “I’m okay. I’m _fine_. Think happy shit.”

“Sorry,” I breathed, swallowing. “But what’s wrong?”

“I’m not sure how to explain it.”

“Well, how did you tell the others?” He told Bekkah and his sister what was wrong, right?

He looked away. “I couldn’t tell them.”

“Why not?”

He shrugged. “Same reason I can’t tell Ashere about the random pain.”

“Because of… me?” I frowned, shaking my head, because that didn’t make any _sense_. “That doesn’t make any sense! I didn’t even know about that until two days ago! And you told Bekkah, remember?”

“Not about this,” he said, voice even and calm despite how I could feel myself losing control.

So far he hadn’t exactly told me _what was wrong_ , and the more he avoided it, the more I felt breathless and uneasy because he _had to be okay_ …

“Why not?” I asked, attempting to re-focus on the conversation.

_It’s bad, isn’t it?_

It had to be if he wouldn’t tell Bekkah, or anyone, about it, considering he told Bekkah about the random pain which was worrisome enough as it was, but now _this_ …

“Because no one would understand, for one thing,” he said, and then scowled, gaze focused away from me. “And because you won’t let me talk about it with anyone but you.”

“What? What does that even _mean_ …?” I wasn’t telling him he couldn’t talk to someone about something. I didn’t even know about any of this, and I still had no idea what he was talking about, so how could I be blamed for it?

“You don’t know you’re doing it,” he said, finally dragging his gaze back toward me, catching my eye. “I didn’t even know you were doing it until about a month ago.”

“A month… You’ve known for… Okay,” I breathed, attempting to calm myself. “Okay, fine. What am I doing?”

My head throbbed but it wasn’t Kieron’s doing this time. Instead I was just so confused and couldn’t make sense of anything that it was just a genuine headache. I almost forgot what those felt like.

Kieron sighed and released my wrist. I was fairly certain we both forgot he was even holding onto it. I suddenly missed the contact, though, but I knew if I reached for him again he’d most likely shrug me off. If he didn’t shrug me off… then that meant something was wrong because he wanted comfort on some level… was willing to deal with it… “Tell me to do something.”

“What?” I asked, his words sudden and confusing to me.

“What’s something you want me to do?”

“Answer my questions,” I replied, because I didn’t like this conversation. I wanted it to be over, I wanted to know he was okay.

“Alright. Tell me what to do.”

“But I…”

He pushed to his feet. “Unless you don’t want to know if I’m okay.”

My eyes widened. “W-What?”

_He’s not okay. He’s not okay._

He lifted his duffel. I hadn’t even noticed he’d brought it to the couch with him. He slung it over his shoulder and turned his back toward me, walking toward the door. “Talk to you later, human.”

“Kie,” I breathed, jumping to my feet, urgency coursing through me, those steel bands tightening around my lungs. “Stop. Wait!”

His hand grabbed the knob and twisted, pulling the door open.

I lunged forward. “ _Stop_!”


	8. Emotional Emphasis, part 2

Chapter Eight: Emotional Emphasis, Part 2

 

He froze where he stood, and upon approaching him I realized that glassy look was back. Swallowing, I slipped between him and the door, lightly pushing it closed, running my gaze across his slack face, attempting to calm myself because I fucking _hated_ that look…

“Kieron?”

He didn’t answer, instead stood staring into a dark void I couldn’t see, and that worry doubled as images of-

“ _Kieron_ ,” I breathed, “ _snap out of it.”_

The glazed look continued and I snagged his shoulders in a rough hold, shaking him until he blinked a few times and focused on me, the look dispersing. Relief ebbed through me, warmth over cold worry and fear, and my fingers curled more into his shirt and shoulders as I kind of leaned into him, but he didn’t say anything or try to stop me, he just let me latch onto him.

“How do I fix this?” I asked quietly, scanning my gaze over his face, searching for a clue, anything to help me fix this. “How can I help you? Tell me what to do, Kie.”

I’d do whatever it took to help him. To fix this. To make him _be okay_.

“See,” he said, watching me. “You did it again.”

“What? What did I _do_?”

He sighed. “If you feel something strongly enough… if you put a lot of… emotional emphasis in it… I have a very hard time concentrating.”

“Emotional emphasis?” I echoed. “What’s that even _mean_ , Kie?”

He nodded toward the couch, gesturing for me to sit down, but… the door…

“You’re not leaving?” I asked quietly.

“I did it to make a point,” he said, nodding toward the couch again. “Sit down, Terry. Before you fall down.”

I hadn’t even realized I’d gotten so shaky, so dizzy and tired, until I all but collapsed onto the couch cushions, unaware he’d even been leading me that way until now. I wasn’t entirely sure where the sudden fatigue came from but right now I was in no position to question it, not when what really mattered was whatever was wrong with Kieron.

“I don’t know when it started,” Kieron said, re-capturing my attention, “or why or how, but I’ve noticed that I can’t really… focus, I guess, or concentrate, when you have a lot of emotional emphasis on something. Into something you’re asking of me, or telling me to do.”

“What’s that mean?” I breathed. “How do I stop hurting you?”

He scowled, irritation flooding through the bond, but it calmed me in a way because it was warm and _familiar_ and so distinctly _Kieron_. “You’re not hurting me,” he said. “I told you, I’m fine.”

“But you said…”

“I know what I said. I told you, I did it to make a point. I knew you’d put that emphasis into something if I made a point. But you’re not hurting me. I didn’t say the lack of focus was _bad_. Just inconvenient.”

“What’s that mean…?”

“You asked what your happy thoughts feel like,” he said calmly, watching me as he stood in front of me. I nodded, wondering where he was going with this. “They feel like relief.”

“Relief?” I echoed. “How…?”

“It’s hard to explain, and I don’t think I can really explain it, but I’ll try. Sorry about this.”

Before I could ask what he meant, he’d snagged my hand and cut into my flesh with his suddenly extended and sharp nails, leaving me gasping as blood pooled in the fresh wound, pain ebbing through my arm. I tried to yank my arm away, shocked he would do this, when he wiped the blood away and the bond opened somewhat, warmth flooding through me, calm, somewhat happy emotions leaking through. When I focused on my arm again, the wound had stopped bleeding, and Kieron pressed his mouth to it. I was vaguely reminded of when he licked at my forehead for pain relief that one time, when my head was killing me after a run in with some screamers.

Almost instantly the wound healed and the pain was gone, ice over hot aches.

“What… Why did you do that?” I breathed.

He released me and took a small step back, watching me. “That’s what your happy thoughts feel like.”

I blinked. “What…?”

My happy thoughts felt like… being healed? How did that make sense?

“They’re distracting,” he said. “And kind of inconvenient when I’m trying to fight and suddenly you’re pummeling me with these happy, gooey thoughts, but I’ve found they do let me ignore a lot of painful crap. Got cut with a gold blade about a month ago, didn’t even feel it, didn’t even know it was happening until I saw the steam.”

“How is that possible?” I asked, before I grimaced. “You got cut with that knife and you didn’t tell me?”

“That’s what you took away from that?” The hint of amusement in his voice left me glaring at him.

“This isn’t funny, Kie.”

“My point is,” he said, giving me a hard look, “that your happy thoughts feel like relief. It’s easier to ignore the pain, keep fighting. It doesn’t hurt me, but it is distracting. Inconvenient sometimes, but not bad. Not painful. Okay?”

“So you like my happy thoughts?”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure, if you want to look at it that way, I’d prefer happy thoughts and relief over pins and needles drilling into my brain with your negative thoughts.”

This was all very confusing, but apparently, if I understand correctly, my happy thoughts helped him. They soothed pain, gave him relief. It was nice to know I could give him comfort even when we were apart.

“What does this have to do with… emotional emphasis?”

He sighed. “They’re like your happy thoughts,” he said. “It doesn’t hurt. But it’s incredibly hard to concentrate. When you feel strongly enough about something, you do this, I’ve noticed. It becomes really hard to ignore you or your thoughts.”

“So tune me out,” I said. If I didn’t know what I was doing and he was already attempting to tune me out, why couldn’t he just teach himself to ignore that, too? But at least I wasn’t hurting him. That didn’t mean he was _okay_ , but I wasn’t hurting him.

“I can’t,” he said.

“Why not?”

“You’re the aggressor,” he said quietly, like someone might be listening. “And you’re… whatever it is you are. You’re foretold. You’re supposed to do something. I haven’t noticed it working on anyone else, but sometimes you can…”

“I can what?” I prompted when he went silent.

He looked away. “Sometimes you can make me do things.”

“Make you do things?” I echoed with a frown. “Like what?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I told you, I didn’t even realize it was happening until a month ago.” He sat heavily next to me on the couch. I shifted enough to face him properly. “If you feel strongly enough about something, you can sway me. Influence me into going along with what you want, what you’re thinking.”

“Are you saying I’m controlling you?” I asked skeptically, because I knew for a fact that wasn’t the case. But now that he mentioned it… he _did_ seem to give in a lot if I all but begged him to do something…

“You’re not controlling me,” he said. “I have to want to do what you’re saying, in some way. Like right now… I really want to take you with me to the Lake, even though I _know_ it’s a terrible idea. That’s _your_ doing.”

“So I can go with you?”

He scowled. “Again, that’s all you take out of that, human?”

I swallowed and snapped my mouth shut.

“You can influence me, but not necessarily _make_ me do something, I guess. As for why I can’t talk about this with anyone…” He drew in a slow breath, sighing heavily as he shook his head. “You put a block in my mind when it comes to sharing anything remotely important with Ashere. I can barely ever talk to him anymore, and that’s because you don’t like him and you identify him as a threat.”

“You’re friends,” I said, confused. “I’m not… Did you say a block?”

He nodded. “I can’t tell Ashere about the random pain because that’s something a little personal, but it’s okay if I talk to Bekkah or strangers about it because you don’t have a problem with them like you do with Ashere. And I can’t talk to anyone about this… emotional emphasis because on some subconscious level, you don’t want anyone to know.”

“I don’t want anyone to know? But I just found out about it!”

He huffed, irritation flickering through the bond, reflected in his gaze. “You don’t know you’re doing it. I think it’s a defense mechanism.”

“Defense mechanism?” I echoed.

He nodded again. “Ever since I realized you were doing it, it’s been easier to avoid being influenced. Now I just kind of space out for a second. It’s more irritating than anything. So, I figure on some subconscious level you know that if I found out, I’d stop doing what you asked, and the bond didn’t appreciate that.”

“But you did find out,” I said. “So I couldn’t have…”

He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I don’t know how to explain it. You’re still not really letting me talk about it. My head hurts.”

I frowned. “I’m giving you headaches?”

“Only when I try to discuss _this_ ,” he told me, shaking his head as he got to his feet. “I don’t really like it, but if this is a defense mechanism then there has to be a reason for it, so I won’t question it for the time being. Anyway, I’m already late as it is.”

I hurried after him as he moved toward the door. “But I’m so confused! How do I stop doing this?”

“I don’t know. I can’t think about it too much.” He tossed me a faint smile. “You might say I can’t get you out of my head.”

I recognized the attempt at humor but also recognized how he was trying to distract me. Growling, I latched onto his arm, stopping him from opening the door. “I still want to go, Kie,” I said.

“I still want you to,” he replied truthfully. “But it’s not happening.”

“ _Ple_ -“

His eyes narrowed into thin, sharp lines and a headache throbbed sharply behind my eyes, causing me to snap my mouth shut. “See? You’re doing it again.”

“But I…”

“I need to go, Terry,” he said quietly. “We’ll talk more when I get back.”

“I need to go with you,” I said. “I know it’s dangerous but… I just _have to_ , okay? I don’t know why, I just…”

The more I thought about _not_ going with him, the more I felt dizzy with worry.

He watched me for a long moment. After a long silence, he asked, “Are you asking to come because you’re worried about me, or because you feel like you’ll explode if you don’t?”

I frowned, wondering what kind of question that was. Before I could ask, though, my mouth answered on auto pilot, “Explode.”

This, I realized, was true. It felt like something kept building up inside of me, hotter and hotter and the more I thought about not going… the more I just wanted to _scream_ …

“Defense mechanism,” he sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Okay. You can come.”

My eyes widened. “R-Really?”

I could go?

“W-Why?”

Not that I was complaining, of course.

“It’s not that you just want to go,” he said, “you _need_ to go. That’s the bond. Considering you had dreams of me dying before, well… before that knife, then I’m going to assume the bond is demanding you go.”

“Demanding?” I asked, even as I attempted to ignore the mention of that knife and those dreams…

Still, though, the images flickering through my mind, leaving that tight, hot feeling in my stomach igniting all the more, desperation clawing through me.

“And if the bond is demanding you go,” he continued, “it’s a defense mechanism. Either it thinks you won’t be safe here, or it thinks something bad is going to happen at the Lake. Either way, it’s telling you to make us stick together. But I’m just guessing since you won’t really let me think about it and I can’t talk to anyone about it.”

_Something bad is going to happen at the Lake._

Those words echoed through my mind, leaving me swallowing because that was exactly why I wanted to go with him. Kieron was surprisingly calm about everything, about me apparently being able to influence him against his will, and this bond demanding I go with him because I was the aggressor or something… about putting a block in his mind…

_Am I making him be calm about it?_

The thought appeared unbidden but it was all I could think about at the moment. If I could influence him… then could I make him not care about something? Was I making him think this wasn’t a big deal when it was?

“It’s not really a big deal,” he said, like he could hear my thoughts, and maybe he could. “Inconvenient, but not that big of a deal. I was angry at first, until I realized you had no control over it and didn’t know what you were doing. Plus… I think it might go both ways.”

“Both ways?” I echoed, frowning. “You mean you can…?”

“I don’t have a block in your head,” he said, shaking his head, and I relaxed a little. “Not like… I mean, you can think about stuff and talk to people about it. But I think I might have accidentally told your brain to give you a headache every time you think about… well, my death.”

I flinched at the word _death_ because he said it so fucking _calmly_ , like it didn’t _matter_ , and-

The pain stabbed through my mind and I looked at Kieron to find him watching me with this semi-apologetic gleam in his eyes.

“Sorry about that,” he said, and he did sound slightly guilty.

“How did you tell my brain to…?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never had a bond before. This is just what I’m assuming since you won’t let me think about it too much.”

“You certainly seem to have thought about it a lot,” I accused.

He shrugged. “Like I said, once I realized what was happening, it was easier to avoid. Anyway, human, pack up.”

I relaxed a little more, watching him. “You were serious? I’m going with you?”

_Don’t question it, dammit, or he’ll change his mind._

I watched as he gave into a slow nod, and I darted away, toward the bedroom to pack my things. I was more than a little shocked he was letting me go, but very grateful. Now I could watch his back and make sure he was okay, and get some more questions answered about this ‘defense mechanism’ he assumed I was doing unconsciously. This bond seemed very demanding if it actually made me put a _block_ in his mind, if that was what happened. I wasn’t entirely sure I believed it just yet, but Kieron wouldn’t make up this giant lie.

And no matter how great he thought he was at pretending… there was no way he could fake that glazed look in his eyes…

Pain throbbed through my head. I sighed and shoved those thoughts and images away. Instead I tried to think happier thoughts, about how happy I was Kieron was allowing me to go with him because now I would be there with him. I would be able to make sure nothing happened. That fire in my stomach cooled down and I no longer felt ready to explode.

Kieron said that was the bond. I was still new to all of this so I had no idea what to think of it, but he was letting me go with him. That was all that mattered right now. We could talk about everything else later.

I returned to the living room to find-

“ _Kieron_ ,” I hissed as I hurried toward my perpetual, who was on his knees with his head in his hands, pained grunts escaping him. I knew it had to mean another perpetual died, and I knew Kieron would be okay, but it never got easier to see him like this. It never got easier to see him in pain.

What was that he said? About relief?

I closed my eyes, took a breath, and tried to think about how much I enjoyed spending time with him, even though we didn’t get to spend as much time together as I would like. I thought about how grateful I was to go with him in the meantime, about how I wouldn’t let anything happen to him, about how much I cared about him…

To my surprise, his rigid frame relaxed and sank into my hold, his breaths getting deeper and evening out.

_It worked?_

Holy shit! It worked.

I could help him with happy thoughts.

I wasn’t sure if I should laugh or cry at this fact.

“Thanks,” he murmured, pulling away from me, his hands releasing his head. He wouldn’t look me in the eye, but my mind sprang to life with sincere gratitude, and I wondered when I’d gotten so good at reading those quick flashes of his emotions, because he usually had his portion of the bond closed.

“Happy to help,” I told him. “Are you okay?”

He got to his feet, lifting his duffel. Without answering me, he turned and opened the door. Without a word he stepped outside, and I hurried back toward where I dropped my bag to snag it and chase him out of the apartment, barely remembering to lock the door behind me.

We were almost to the gateway when I remembered how the other perpetuals didn’t want me going there with him.

“You’re not… gonna get in trouble if I go with you, are you?” I asked quietly, voice subdued and small because suddenly doubts plagued my mind.

He shrugged, walking a little ahead of me. “Too late to worry about it now,” he said, stopping as he gestured for me to walk ahead of him.

That meant we were at the gateway, then.

I did as instructed but stopped right before I could step through the gateway, turning to face him. “I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me, Kie.”

He scowled. “I’ll be fine, human. Are you gonna go or do you need me to hold your hand?”

I knew he was joking. And not in a nice way, either. He was irritated and he was always a little cranky after feeling the death of a perpetual, but I couldn’t blame him for that. Even so, I found myself swallowing as I reached my hand out toward his, fingers stopping just short of touching his.

He watched me for a long moment, gaze locked onto my outstretched hand, before he took in a slow breath, slipped his hand against mine, and took a step forward.

We went through the gateway together.


	9. The Lake

Chapter Nine: The Lake

 

I wasn’t sure what I was expecting when we got to the Lake, but I definitely hadn’t been expecting it to look so damn _peaceful_. The water was calm and even, the sky was bright and sunny, and there was a gentle breeze filtering through the area even though it was getting colder where I came from. Then again, different worlds. Still, though, the Lake looked peaceful. There was a giant cabin up on a cliff overlooking the Lake, the area otherwise surrounded by a thick layer of trees.

Peaceful. It didn’t look threatening in any way. I was reminded of my limbo, when I’d been sitting on the dock with my feet in the water, watching those little waves and ripples I made. This Lake was too calm to be bad, right? Maybe we were in the wrong place. Or maybe Kieron had been wrong about the Lake was.

Again, though, he never lied to me.

And he was genuinely worried about this place. I wouldn’t say ‘afraid’ because Kieron typically wasn’t afraid of anything. He disliked things, and didn’t particularly like it here at _all_ , but he wasn’t afraid of it. I wasn’t entirely sure how to describe it. I wouldn’t blame him if he was afraid, though. I’d hate to be forced to die over and over and continuously drown and repeat the cycle…

A shiver crawled up my spine just thinking about it, thinking about _Kieron_ being put in it, and-

The swat to the back of my head wasn’t entirely unexpected, but it did break my concentration and left me blinking at Kieron, who scowled at me.

“Happy shit, human,” he said.

I sighed and nodded. “Sorry. Where do we go?”

He nodded toward a dirt path one could barely see through the thick canopy of trees and greenery. “That leads up to the cabin.”

I nodded and followed after him as he began leading the way up the dirt path. The walk was longer than I thought it would be. We had walked all night to even get to this Lake before noon, and that cliff was a lot higher than it looked, apparently, because it took a good hour before we navigated our way up the path and finally onto even ground.

“Wait here,” Kieron said as he walked toward the cabin, walking up the steps before he stopped at the door and knocked.

I shifted my feet anxiously, hoping he wouldn’t get in trouble for bringing me. If anyone asked I’d just say I wouldn’t let him leave me behind and that I should be blamed, not him. After all, they had no idea what I was capable of. I didn’t even know. No one did.

A week ago, if someone told me I’d be putting unintentional blocks in Kieron’s mind and that my happy thoughts were relief to him, I would have called them crazy and steered clear of them. But now…

If I could do _that_ , and sway him unintentionally… because of this bond and whatever I was foretold to do…

Then who knew what I was capable of?

The door finally opened to reveal Bekkah, who smiled at Kieron. Instantly I released a breath I hadn’t been aware I’d been holding, and walked after my perpetual, stopping just behind him. Bekkah’s gaze shifted toward me and confusion marred her brow as she glanced back at Kieron.

“You brought him?” she asked.

Kieron sighed and scrubbed a hand across his face. “It’s complicated. Who all’s here?”

“In the cabin?”

“No, the fucking Lake,” Kieron snapped. “We’ve been walking all night. Is everyone here?”

“Ashere, Blaine and I are here,” she said, and I scowled at the mention of the other two. Ashere I disliked because of the bond; Blaine I disliked because she was just a bitch and I personally didn’t like her. That had nothing to do with being an aggressor. “Esther is here too, and… there’s a lot more here than I thought there’d be.”

“How many?” Kieron asked. I must have been imagining the uneasy tone of his voice.

“A dozen,” she said. “And that’s not counting the perimeter.”

“Perimeter?” I asked.

Bekkah looked at me. “There’s always perpetuals here guarding this place. Right now we’re just the specialists called in. Blaine and Ashere are the only higher ups here while the rest are like me and Kieron.”

So… ten lower level perpetuals built to handle pain, and two higher ups to be in charge. And of course they had to be Ashere and Blaine. Fucking _great_.

“Knock it off,” Kieron snapped.

I sighed. “Sorry.”

“Be careful,” Bekkah said. “If they find out about that…”

“I know,” Kieron sighed, shaking his head. “I didn’t pack any swimming trunks so let’s not talk about it. Can we go in?”

Bekkah stepped aside and Kieron led the way in. She shut the door behind us and I blinked at the large room we found ourselves in. Two long couches lined opposite walls while a cozy fire place lined the wall between them. Through this room was another room, but all I could see through the doorway was the edge of a table. Off to the right was a large staircase.

_Nice place…_

Nice place, it looked peaceful, felt good out… How was this the terrible Lake? I knew looks could be deceiving, but even so… It was hard to imagine this was the place where perpetuals were sent when they broke the rules or something… the place Kieron actually hesitated going to…

I didn’t want to think about it.

Instead I followed Kieron off to the side where we dropped our bags. Kieron stretched, twisting muscles which were probably sore, before he looked back at Bekkah, who was watching him carefully from over by the couch.

“Spit it out,” he said.

She sighed. “Why did you bring Terry?” Then she looked at me. “No offence.”

Kieron opened his mouth, frowned, and closed it, shaking his head before he glanced at me with this irritated expression. I blinked back at him, confused.

**_You won’t let me tell her anything._ **

The words slid through my mind, leaving me momentarily breathless. The sudden opening and igniting of the bond like this always left me feeling warm and at peace and when I wasn’t expecting it, it could be hard to not let it show.

_Tell her what?_

**_About why I brought you. The bond. So if you want her to know, you’ll have to do the talking._ **

I swallowed. _Me? Explain the bond?_

How the hell was I supposed to do that?

He sighed and looked back at Bekkah. The bond closed off, a door closing in my mind with a sharp snap, and I felt momentarily cold from the loss of such warmth and completeness. I wished I knew how to open it, or at least get him to hear my thoughts instead of him always having to initiate it. Occasionally he left it open enough for me to penetrate his mind, connect our thoughts, but usually it was like this, a door closed, blocking off the bridge between our minds like a large, cement wall.

“It’s complicated,” he told her. “So what’s the intel say?”

I blinked, having forgotten about the intel part.

She shrugged, unfortunately. I watched Kieron’s shoulders droop somewhat. “They don’t tell me much of anything. As far as I know, the coast is clear. But I’m just guessing. You’ll have to take it up with Ashere.”

I couldn’t stop the scowl which spread across my face at the mention of the perpetual. Kieron shot me a nasty look and I attempted to at least think happy things, like how I was glad he agreed to let me come with him, and that look softened into more of annoyance than outright irritation.

“I’ll do that,” Kieron said to Bekkah, looking away from me. “Keep an eye on the human.”

Then he turned and walked away, heading toward the stairs, and my legs twitched forward, wanting to lift and follow after him, but I knew that wouldn’t be a good idea. I took in a breath and forced myself to stay put, and looked at Bekkah.

“Ashere’s not gonna be happy about this,” she sighed.

“About what?” I asked, fighting the scowl which wanted to overtake my face. Usually I could at least tolerate the guy, but right now I was having a hard time doing that. Maybe it was because of all this new stuff about the bond Kieron told me, or maybe it was because I just really didn’t want us to be here at the Lake. Either way it left me in a sour mood and mentioning Ashere just made it worse.

Bekkah shrugged. “He wasn’t told you were coming.”

“Why should that matter?”

“I don’t know. I just know he’s not gonna like it.”

“Yeah? Well he can fucking get over it.”

“Watch it,” she warned quietly, lowering her voice to a soft whisper. “You’re going to get Kieron in trouble.”

I took in a breath, attempting to calm myself. I didn’t want to get Kieron in trouble. _Couldn’t_ get him in trouble, because that would mean… the Lake…

I shuddered at the thought. I wouldn’t let that happen. No way.

So I needed to get this under control.

 

Ashere wasn’t happy about it. My skin itched and burned and when he and Kieron stomped down the stairs, he kept tossing me glares. I glared right back at him because he could get over it. I was here, there was nothing he could do about it now. Besides, that was up to me and Kieron, not him.

Almost immediately he sent Kieron out to scout the area, leaving me behind on my own while he took Bekkah aside for a conversation. I wandered around the large living room, watching the green flames flicker in the fire place. I wasn’t sure how much time passed but eventually Kieron returned and I felt myself relaxing as his presence filled the room.

“Everything okay?” I asked, turning away from the flames.

Kieron nodded, closing the door behind him. “Everything’s clear.”

That was good. I relaxed a little further.

“I’m… sorry if you got in trouble because of me,” I said quietly.

He shrugged, waving it away with a hand. “Ashere’s just a whiney bitch.”

“I heard that,” Ashere snapped as he entered the room. I couldn’t stop the scowl from sliding across my face. I really needed to get this under control before someone noticed.

“Kieron,” came a voice which left everyone stiffening. We turned to find a new person standing in the doorway. Dark sapphire eyes snapped toward my perpetual in a suddenly tight gaze. “Why is your human here?”

“I wanted to come,” I said, causing the guy to glance at me.

“That is not for you to decide.”

I scowled. “Then whose choice is it?”

“Kieron. You were given specific instructions to leave your human behind.”

Kieron shifted somewhat under that intense, disapproving gaze, dropping his own gaze to the ground as he sighed heavily.

“I wanted to come,” I said again, taking a step closer to Kieron. “It was my choice. Don’t blame him. He tried to talk me out of it, I’m just stubborn. Okay? So… it’s not his fault.”

“Terry,” Kieron said quietly. “Go with Bekkah outside.”

I tossed him a look. “I’m not leaving you here so he can-”

“ _Go_.”

I swallowed at the tone of his voice, the way those blue eyes snapped up to capture my own hazel ones.

_I don’t wanna go, Kie. He’s pissed._

I attempted to open the bridge between our minds and pass this through, but I only hit a brick wall. Almost literally – my head started aching and everything, and I finally sighed and nodded, glancing at Bekkah. She nodded toward the door and walked past Kieron, Ashere and the new perpetual, and I silently followed after her, casting Kieron a glance.

Bekkah led me away from the cabin, away from Kieron. My feet followed after her only because it was what Kieron wanted me to do, and not because I wanted to go with her.

“Kieron will be fine,” she told me after about ten minutes of walking in silence.

I sighed. “He’s in trouble because of me. It’s not his fault.”

“It’ll be fine,” she said.

And yet somehow that did very little to ease my nerves.

“He said they’d put him in the Lake.”

I frowned, unaware I’d spoken until Bekkah looked at me.

“They might,” she said quietly.

“Might?”

“It depends.”

“On what?”

She sighed and looked around, going silent for a moment, before she relaxed, apparently not eavesdroppers around. “They’d have to test _who_ the aggressor is.”

“But I’m the-”

“I know. But they don’t know that and they won’t believe you if you just tell them. They’d have to test it.”

“And… And how would they do that?”

She sighed heavily. “They might throw _you_ in the Lake.”

I staggered back a step, coming to a halt. “W-What?”

They’d throw _me_ in the Lake? But I was human!

“I’d die,” I said.

And they wanted me alive, right?

“They probably wouldn’t leave you in there for that long,” she said, waving a hand, dismissing the notion. “Not as long as they’d keep Kieron in there. But they’d still put you in there to see how Kieron reacts.”

“How he reacts?” I echoed, frowning.

“Yes. The aggressor would be the one to react the most violently. If they put Kieron in and you go ballistic, then you’re the aggressor. But if it’s the other way around, then Kieron’s the aggressor. It’s a simple way to test it.”

I shook my head. “Yeah? Well, it’s not happening. They’re not putting him in there. No.”

“He wouldn’t have a choice.”

I glared at her. “And why not?”

“Because our laws are very simple, and strict. If you deny the Elders and disobey your orders, the punishment is the Lake. If he refuses to go in for a ‘quick dip’-” I scowled at the term. “-then he’ll go in as a punishment, and never come back out.”

Something stuttered in my chest. “Never?”

“Our laws are strict.”

“That’s ridiculous!” I growled, tugging at my hair, yanking a few strands loose. “I won’t let them. I won’t let them do that.”

“You won’t have a choice, either,” she said, almost apologetically.

I shook my head. “If they want me to keep complying and doing what they want, then they won’t do that to him. Or I’m out of here.”

She sighed and shook her head, but instead of saying anything, she only started walking again. I took in a few quick, deep breaths before I followed after her.

_I won’t let it happen._

 

“Kie,” I breathed when we returned to the cabin and found Kieron waiting outside on the small porch, sitting on a comfortable looking wooden swing. He looked up and caught my eye, getting to his feet.

Bekkah waved and entered the cabin, leaving the two of us alone.

“Are you okay?” I asked, stepping closer to him.

He scowled. “I’m fine, human.”

“Kie.”

He held his hands up, palms open. “All we did was talk.”

I took in a breath and nodded. “Okay. What about?”

“He’s just not happy you’re here.”

“He can get over it,” I said.

Kieron shrugged and looked up at the sky. The sun was setting, darker colors shooting across the sky, the sinking sun casting odd, multi-colored shadows. “You should eat.”

I blinked. “Eat?”

Come to think of it, my stomach was growling. I was hungry.

He nodded his head toward the door. I sighed and followed him into the cabin.

No one was in sight when we entered, thankfully. I didn’t really feel like socializing. He led the way into the kitchen, where food sat ready on the table, and I tossed him a quick grin.

“You cooked for me?”

He scowled and sat down at the table, a plate of his own in front of him. “Eat, human.”

I chuckled and sat next to him, picking up a fork. The food, as always, was good. I wasn’t sure what it was about Etherian food but it was always amazing. I savored every bite, especially because I knew Kieron made this for me, and after about twenty minutes we were done eating. Throughout the meal we were surrounded in an easy, comfortable silence. After the meal, he picked up the empty plates and put them in the sink, quickly cleaning them before he turned away and glanced at me.

“Bed time.”

I scoffed. “I don’t have a bed time.”

“You do now.”

“Since when?”

“Since you decided to come.”

I rolled my eyes. “You let me.”

He shrugged and grabbed my arm, lightly hauling me to my feet. There was nothing rough or harsh about the action, which left me frowning at him, looking over his face.

“How much trouble are you in?”

He sighed. “Human. I’m fine.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

He shrugged, his hand dropping from my arm. “You should sleep, Terry.”

“Kieron. Tell me.”

“I only got scolded,” Kieron said, sighing heavily, rolling his eyes. “I’m fine.”

I watched him for a moment longer but couldn’t detect any deception, so I nodded and stepped a little closer. “You’re coming to bed with me, right?”

Kieron scowled. “I don’t think that would be appropriate, human.”

“But we’re bond-mates.”

“Yes,” he agreed slowly, “but-”

I cut him off by grabbing the front of his shirt, fingers curling into the fabric, and pulled him toward me, smashing our lips together.


	10. The Lake, part 2

Chapter Ten: The Lake, Part 2

 

I wasn’t supposed to be here, so Kieron and I shared a room. I had a feeling that if I hadn’t come along, he wouldn’t have gotten a bed, and would have been forced to sleep wherever.

Kieron slipped out of his shirt and collapsed onto the bed with a heavy sigh. It was so out of character that I stopped, my own shirt halfway off, as I frowned at him.

“Something wrong?”

“No,” he said.

“Liar.”

“I’m just tired. It’s been a long day.”

I shrugged, because that was true. We’d been walking for a while, and then we had to deal with the others when we got here. I wasn’t sure what was said to Kieron after he forced me to leave with Bekkah, but I hoped he wasn’t lying when he said he was okay, and they just talked.

I pulled my shirt the rest of the way off and tossed it on the ground next to Kieron’s before I joined him on the small bed. It was a full size bed but on the small end of things, big enough to fit two if need be but intended for only one occupant. Bekkah offered to take the couch so we could sleep here, which was nice of her.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I couldn’t help but ask, glancing back at him.

He tossed me a quick scowl. “I’m fine, human. Stop worrying so much. You’re giving me a headache.”

“Sorry,” I said. “What’s on the agenda for tomorrow?”

He shrugged, sinking back into his pillow. “More scouting, I guess. Not that exciting.”

“I can go with you.”

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “You can’t.”

“Kieron.”

“Just because some perpetuals tolerate you doesn’t mean they’re all like that,” he said, closing his eyes.

“What do you mean?”

Did he think they would try to hurt me? They needed me, didn’t they? Wasn’t that why I was important enough to hide away, and also be tracked by the screamers?

“Humans aren’t particularly liked around here,” he said. “They wouldn’t let anything happen to you, but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t let you be hurt.”

I swallowed. “So you’re leaving me here for my safety?”

“Kind of,” he sighed. “They also don’t really like me that much, either. And then your… _aggressive_ nature might show.”

“Why don’t they like you?”

“They’re wary of animalistic perpetuals.”

I nodded slowly. I knew there weren’t supposed to be any animalistic perpetuals left, though I wasn’t particularly sure why. I just knew they weren’t supposed to exist anymore, and yet Kieron did.

“They wouldn’t hurt you, right?” I asked, watching him.

I knew I should let him sleep; he was clearly exhausted, breaths already beginning to even out, but I had to know.

“Don’t think so,” he said through a yawn. “Go to sleep, human. And turn off the light.”

I sighed and turned enough to turn off the light on the small bedside table next to me.

Darkness covered us and I lay down, closing my eyes.

 

Days passed without incident. I hoped we’d leave soon, but somehow I doubted it. Optimistic thoughts, though.

Kieron was currently preoccupied, sparring with Ashere. It was a training exercise as much as it was a way to pass the time. I sat on the porch swing with Bekkah, watching the two of them. Their only weapons were long wooden staffs so it was safe enough.

Kieron was going easy on him. I knew this because I’d seen him in real action, and this was relaxed and casual. Ashere got a few hits in but Kieron was good at defending himself with that staff. What hits Ashere did manage to land Kieron returned almost immediately, side-stepping the perpetual’s defensive swing to land his own blow.

It went back and forth for a while, and the day passed quickly enough. By the time they were done it was evening, and I was starving. I joined the group in the kitchen and we ate rhine, before Kieron was called away to scout the area again. He did it twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening.

Ashere offered to join him, which left me and Bekkah alone in the kitchen. We were generally the only ones in the cabin. Occasionally I’d see a few different perpetuals lingering around, but that was pretty much it. They stayed along the outer rim of the perimeter.

“How are you doing?” Bekkah asked, watching me from her chair across from mine.

I shrugged. “Okay, I guess. Ready to leave.”

“It’ll probably be safe to leave soon. At least for you two.”

I was happy she included Kieron when talking about me about me leaving.

“What’s so important about this Lake, anyway? I mean, for the screamers.”

She shrugged. “That’s on a need-to-know basis, and apparently I don’t need to know.”

I sighed. Their system was messed up. “Great. Do you really think they’ll attack here?”

“The Elders seem to think so.”

“Why’d they want Kieron here, specifically?” I asked.

She frowned. “I’m assuming it’s because he’s an animalistic perpetual. I thought it was to fight, but…”

“But what?”

_What other reason could there be?_

She sighed and shook her head, getting to her feet. “I think I’ll join the away team. Talk to you later, Terry.”

“Bekkah,” I called, jumping up after her. “Wait-”

But she was already gone. I heard the door close behind her.

 

My sleep was riddled with bad dreams. I couldn’t remember any of them, but then I rarely remembered my dreams at all. All I knew was I kept waking up in a cold sweat, Kieron would nudge me with his arm, and I’d go back to sleep a few minutes later.

I blinked my eyes open, thoughts of sleep gone. Warm sunlight flowed through the open window to my left, off to the right of the bed. A soft wind blew through the room, peaceful and quiet and everything this place _wasn’t_. Everything here kept throwing me off by how calm it was, when I knew this was a bad place. And even the _bond_ thought something was going to happen here, so yes, I was more than a little on edge.

The dreams weren’t helping.

I was alone when I woke this time. The covers next to be were cold, and I knew I must have been alone for a while now. I sighed, slid out from under the covers, and tossed on a clean shirt (it was a little warm last night, so I slept in my pants only) before I trudged across the room toward my shoes. After slipping them on I walked downstairs, where I found Dettere waiting for me.

My spine stiffened marginally, before I managed to compose myself. I hoped he didn’t notice.

“Hi,” I said weakly. “Good morning.”

He nodded politely. “Good morning, Terry. I assume you are looking for Kieron?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Where is he?”

“He is busy at the moment,” he said dismissively, waving his hand like I shouldn’t worry about it. He inclined his head toward the door. “A moment?”

I sighed and nodded even though all I wanted to do was go find Kieron. I didn’t like this place and I didn’t like him being on his own right now. Especially with Dettere here.

He was probably scouting, but he usually did that early in the morning. It wasn’t early anymore.

I followed Dettere outside. It was a nice day, probably around noon, which meant I really slept in despite the bad dreams last night. All I could remember about them was a bad feeling in my stomach, and the cold sweat in which I woke every time. Thankfully Kieron had been there, a calm yet irritated presence in my mind. I couldn’t detect it right now, but he generally had a wall up which left me locked out. It slipped occasionally in his sleep.

Or he recognized I was uneasy in my sleep and lowered it to give me some reassurance, but somehow I doubted that.

“You wanted to talk?” I asked after we stepped off the porch and walked toward the trees. I kept looking around like I might see Kieron emerge from around a tree any minute, but sadly that wasn’t the case. I was stuck in this conversation, whatever it was. I hoped I didn’t give anything away.

“Yes,” he said. “I understand Kieron brought you here against orders?”

I flinched. “It’s not his fault,” I said quickly. “I chose to come. Don’t blame him.”

He waved his hand and I relaxed a little. “I understand that you can be stubborn. I’m disappointed he could not match your stubbornness, but we can work with your presence, since you are here.”

We walked in silence for a few minutes. With each minute I felt increasingly uneasy, either because I really didn’t like this place or because Dettere was making me a little nervous, I wasn’t sure.

Finally we stopped walking. We stood at the edge of a cliff-like drop, trees at our back, soft grass beneath us, and the water far below. The sound of waves crashing against rough rocks slid around us.

I swallowed. “So, um… why are we here?”

“Look.”

I didn’t want to.

“It’s okay,” he said. “Look.”

I sighed and looked down. The water looked peaceful save for the waves crashing against the Cliffside with rough, white tips. The Lake was huge, more like one of the Great Lakes than anything. I couldn’t see land. Sunlight glistened off the peaceful surface.

“What do you want me to look at?” I asked.

“The Lake is wide,” Dettere said softly, looking out over the water, hands clasped behind his back. “It is even deeper than it is wide.”

My eyes widened. “Deeper?”

“No one knows exactly how deep,” he said. “No one has ever gone to the bottom and resurfaced.”

“I know,” I said quietly. “Kieron told me what… this lake’s for.”

_And how you might throw him in it. No. You won’t._

“There are thousands of perpetuals down there,” he said with a nod back toward the water, and I glanced back at the calm surface. “Thousands of angry, bitter perpetuals. It seems unlikely that a screamer, or anyone, could retrieve them from the depths, but not impossible.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

I didn’t want to think about this crap, dammit. I didn’t like it here.

“If the screamers _were_ able to make it to the bottom and retrieve them, thousands of angry, powerful perpetuals would be at their disposal. Thousands of perpetuals looking for revenge. Do you understand?”

I shrugged. “I’d be pissed too,” I said honestly. “That doesn’t mean they’d join the screamers, right?”

“Unfortunately, we fear that if the screamers managed to do something like this, they just might.”

That was a scary thought. Thousands of angry, revenge-driven perpetuals willingly siding with the screamers.

“But… it’s impossible, right? For them to get down there? Kieron said they can’t hold their breath that long.”

“They can’t,” Dettere agreed, and my shoulders drooped in relief. “However, perpetuals can.”

I frowned. “You lost me. Perpetuals won’t help the screamers. Right?”

Then again, the Master was a perpetual. A well-known one, too, it seemed like. And he was leading the screamers. It wouldn’t be so far out there for other perpetuals to join him and retrieve thousands of forgotten perpetuals at the bottom of a lake. Hell, they might even consider it _saving_ those perpetuals at the bottom.

“Let’s hope they don’t,” Dettere said, but it was anything but reassuring. “You understand how terrible this would be.”

I nodded slowly. A lot of people would die if those perpetuals got taken out of that lake to work with the screamers. I understood that.

“That’s where Kieron comes in.”

“How so?” I asked, looking down at the water, wondering how deep it was, how many perpetuals were actually trapped down there, forever dying and waking up…

“Kieron is a special type of perpetual,” he said. “I’m sure you are aware.” At my nod he continued. “His type are the only ones who could ever get to the bottom.”

I turned to face him, then. “What?”

“Animalistic perpetuals are the only ones who can make it anywhere near the bottom without dying. They have higher endurance, better lung capacity, and better healing, strength and speed. This is why they were to be terminated. It was an unfair advantage for even the perpetuals, and most animalistic perpetuals had a tendency to… lose themselves.”

“Lose themselves?” I echoed, frowning at him.

_Why are you telling me this? What do you mean?_

_Where’s Kieron?_

“They lacked self-control. This made them more violent, and the general Etherian public was uneasy around them. After several warnings to control themselves, we unfortunately had to subdue them.”

“And you threw them in the Lake,” I breathed.

He nodded. “Yes. Unfortunate, but necessary.”

“But… But Kieron… He’s not…”

_He’s in control. He’s okay. He’s not in the Lake._

“Kieron is a special case,” he said. “He wasn’t made to be an animalistic perpetual. He was born this way, a rare genetic defect which is how we got the idea to manufacture it in the first place. He wasn’t the first to be born like this, but he was the first to be born like this after it was announced that all animalistic perpetuals were to be terminated.”

My head was spinning. This was too much right now, right here, in this place when I didn’t know what was going on, why he was telling me this, or where Kieron was.

“It sometimes happens,” he continued, oblivious to my uneasiness. “These perpetuals are to be terminated as soon as the tendencies present themselves, which happen around adulthood or during endurance training.”

_Endurance training?_

I’d heard about the kind of training Kieron’s class of perpetual got, but could only imagine what ‘endurance’ training had in it. Pain management had them intentionally being hurt so they got used to the feeling of being in pain, the feeling of healing. That was bad enough.

“Kieron’s tendencies presented themselves when he was a kid,” Dettere said, and my eyes widened. Would they have killed – or ‘subdued’ – a kid? “An anomaly. As a rule we don’t terminate children, so we were going to wait until he reached adulthood before subduing him.”

_Oh, God. They planned on killing him._

Well, perhaps not killing, but the next best thing.

Bile rose in my throat.

“He wound up proving quite useful, though. He does have violent tendencies as I’m sure you have discovered, but he can control them if need be. He can prioritize, which is something most other animalistic perpetuals lacked. So we didn’t terminate him.”

I swallowed. “You let him live… because he was _useful_ to you?” I breathed, disgusted at the thought. Kieron was only alive – or above water, whatever – because he was _useful to them_. A tool to be used. Used to pain. Anger burned through me but I had to maintain focus, had to not let it show because then he might realize I was the aggressor and I didn’t need that right now.

 _Kieron_ didn’t need that right now.

But the anger still burned and the bile still rose, and I clasped my hands behind my back to keep from lunging at the guy.

“All perpetuals serve a purpose,” he said as though it were no big deal. “That is the way of things. Anyway, I think I might have gotten off topic. As I was saying, animalistic perpetuals might be able to make it to the bottom of the Lake. They are the only ones who have a chance at doing so. Drowning is actually an easy way to take care of screamers; it is why many of them usually avoid water, especially in times of battle.”

“So they won’t come here,” I said. “They’d hate it. It’s dangerous for them.”

“Yes, but if they manage to get an animalistic perpetual to begin the freeing process…”

I closed my eyes, it suddenly making sense. “Then they might chance it.” I took in a breath. “And you think they want Kieron.”

It made sense now. Why he was telling me. Why Kieron was really here.

Yes, they wanted him to defend the Lake; but they also wanted to keep him safe, in an odd sort of way. Being near this Lake, a large body of water, and surrounded by other perpetuals who were also here to guard this place, was probably the best protection he could get at the moment. On some level I understood that.

“Why didn’t you tell us.”

We could have prepared more. We wouldn’t have worried so much. I might not have accidentally used ‘emotional emphasis’ to come here. Then again… if I hadn’t been here I would have been stuck at home worrying because now the screamers wanted Kieron for an entirely different reason.

They wanted to kill him, but they wanted to use him first.

“We did not see it fit to tell you then,” Dettere said, dismissing it with a wave of his hand. “Kieron is not the only animalistic perpetual still around. Several others proved useful as well. Kieron, however, is the oldest of them and the most well trained, most disciplined.”

I took in a slow breath, attempting to quench that fire burning through me. “What about them, then? Where are they?”

“Around,” he said. “We are attempting to locate them and bring them here.”

“Why here? Wouldn’t it make more sense to scatter them?”

Why put everyone in one place, when the screamers would be looking for them specifically, if they wanted this Lake? Why put everything and everyone here? It made no sense.

“If we did scatter them, the screamers would pick them off one at a time,” Dettere said patiently, like my human mind couldn’t understand. I fought the urge to scowl.

“Pick them off? Don’t they need them?”

“Yes, but they can’t force them to help. If they were to refuse, they would be killed by those weapons.”

I shuddered at the thought. I hated those weapons. “How’d the screamers get those weapons?”

Dettere sighed. “We have a working theory, but nothing definitive. I will let you know once we know something.”

“Thanks,” I said, a little shocked he offered to tell me. “But, wait… why would any animalistic perpetual help the screamers? Wouldn’t the screamers just have to kill them all?”

“Unfortunately we do not know if they would help the screamers or not,” he said. “Animalistic perpetuals haven’t always been… very well received.”

“Received?”

I remembered Kieron’s words, about how other perpetuals were wary of animalistic perpetuals.

“You think that would make them switch sides?”

“We aren’t sure, but we aren’t taking chances.”

I sighed and scrubbed a hand across my face. This was too much right now. My head hurt. “Where’s Kieron?”

“I assume he is still scouting.”

I frowned. “But he does that at the crack of dawn and he’s always back before noon.”

Usually a few hours before noon.

A knot settled in my stomach. I sought out the connection we shared but unfortunately couldn’t access it. The knot grew.

“Something’s wrong,” I murmured, but I wasn’t sure what. My skin wasn’t itching or burning. But I knew something was wrong.

_Kieron? Let me in. Something’s wrong. Kie!_

“Terry?”

I blinked, focusing on Dettere who stood watching me closely. “What?”

“We need to get back to the cabin.”


	11. The Lake, part 3

Chapter Eleven: The Lake, Part 3

 

_Kieron, let me in._

No matter how hard I knocked on the wall between us, that bridge remained closed in my mind. My skin burned all the more, my heart raced in my chest, and trying not to let it show was becoming a nightmare, especially with Dettere right on my tail.

I wasn’t sure how long it took before we made it back to the cabin. Dettere ordered me inside while he would then go around to check the immediate area. He appeared a little skeptical anything was wrong, but was at least humoring me. I wasn’t in the mood to be humored, though. I just wanted to find Kieron.

_Kieron, let me in._

My skin kept burning, igniting, _blazing_. Only once I was inside the cabin and Dettere was gone could I scratch at my arms, leaving red marks in the wake of my nails, as I looked around the cabin. No one was here. There was usually at least _someone_ there, but now… Now it was empty, and that wasn’t good.

This was the back line of defense for the lake. If no one was here…

Either something bad happened _here_ , or a fight was taking place elsewhere and everyone went there to join the battle. Either way I didn’t like it.

 _Kieron, let me_ in _._

I couldn’t just sit here and do nothing. I couldn’t. I had to do something, _find him_ , but I had no idea how to do that. I didn’t have heightened senses or speed or strength; I couldn’t do anything for him. I was a pathetic human caught in the middle of two wars, and I didn’t know what to _do_.

_Kieron, let me in!_

“Kieron!” I growled, rubbing at my temples. My head ached. My body felt numb with pins and needles. My arms itched, my skin on too tight.

“Terry.”

The voice was quiet but familiar and I spun without thinking, easily colliding with the warm body, my arms wrapping around him instantly as I buried my face in his shoulder, breathing in the scent of him. All the burning, all the itching, all the anxiety faded away as soon as we collided, and I could breathe again.

“Kieron,” I choked. “You’re okay.”

“I’m fine,” he said quietly, arms coming around me as well.

“Where were you? What happened?”

“Screamers attacked,” he said. “We were fighting.”

“But you’re okay?”

“I’m fine.”

I released a breath I hadn’t known I’d been holding. “Why didn’t you answer me?” I paused. “Did you even hear me?”

“Not really,” he said. “I knew you were trying to talk but I couldn’t understand what you were saying.”

“Then why didn’t you answer me?” I snapped, lifting my head from his shoulder, glaring at him.

“Seemed pointless to do so when I could talk face to face,” he said. “Also we’re technically not supposed to be able to do that, remember? And before, I was in a fight. Not the best time to talk.”

All of those reasons made perfect sense and yet I still felt angry. “Why can you always get in touch with me but I can’t with you?”

He shrugged. “I’ve had more training keeping people out of my head.”

“Yeah, well… next time you _feel_ me trying to talk to you, answer me.”

“Why?”

“For my sanity,” I snapped. “I could have revealed _everything_ because I couldn’t contact you!”

“Shh!” he hissed, releasing me, pushing me away. “Not so fucking loud.”

I took in a breath. “How hurt are you?”

“Cracked ribs,” he said. “Some claw marks. Nothing major.”

I nodded slowly. “Let me see.”

He tossed me a quick look. “I don’t think getting naked in the living room is the answer.”

I cracked a small smile. “Fine. Bedroom, then.”

“Human…”

“I just… I want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine.”

“Just let me _look_ ,” I snapped.

He paused, watching me carefully as I stood there glaring at him. “Why is this so important to you? I’m fine.”

“Because we’re _bonded_ and it’s my _job_ to see the damage!”

We stood there in silence for a long moment, before he sighed and nodded at the stairs. “Lead the way, human.”

I nodded and turned on my heel, leading the way to the stairs. We walked up them and into the bedroom we’d been sharing for the past week, and I gestured for him to sit on the bed. He did so, kicked off his shoes, and I sat next to him, wrapping my fingers around the bottom hem of his shirt. At his sigh I lifted.

_Oh, God._

It must have shown on my face. “Just bruises,” he said. “It’ll heal.”

I barely heard him, staring at those dark black, blue and purple patches across his torso. Definitely cracked ribs, or broken ones. Either way, painful. Running into him and hugging him probably didn’t help matters, either.

His fingers caught my own, which were unconsciously probing the darkened flesh of his side. “Terry,” he said quietly, “I’m fine.”

“Yeah,” I breathed, swallowing. “Okay. Um. Where are the claw marks?”

“Back,” he said.

I moved to scoot around him but he wouldn’t release my fingers.

“Human, I’m _fine_.”

I knew he was fine. My skin wasn’t itching or burning anymore, and he hadn’t passed out yet, so I knew it wasn’t very serious. I knew he’d be okay. He was fine. I _knew_ that.

I just…

“Let me,” I said.

He sighed and nodded, releasing my hand, allowing me to move around him.

The marks on his back were jagged but not very deep. He must have been dodging, then, but the claws still managed to hit him. They looked like the least of his injuries, though, compared to the ribs.

“Satisfied?”

I took in a breath, nodding as I released his shirt, allowing it to fall back down. “Yeah,” I sighed, “you’re okay.” I knew he was okay. I knew even before I looked. That didn’t stop my hands from shaking, only to stop when I released his shirt.

_Get a grip. He’s been hurt before._

True, but Dettere’s words were still fresh on my mind. How the screamers wanted to use Kieron before they killed him. Perhaps it left me more than a little on edge.

“Thanks, Doctor.”

I smiled as I shifted to sit next to him again. “You’re a terrible patient.”

He shrugged. “I can’t be the best at _everything_.”

It felt good to laugh. “I guess not. But answer me if I call again, okay?”

“Fine,” he sighed. “If it’s important and I’m not in a fight.”

I nodded. “I can live with that.” I paused, then, debating on if I should tell him about the Lake and why he was really here. Keeping secrets didn’t seem like a good idea but he had enough to worry about right now.

“Say it.”

I blinked, glancing at him. “Huh?”

“Whatever’s on the tip of your tongue,” he sighed. “Say it. Or at least stop scowling.”

I rolled my eyes. “Maybe I’m just thinking.”

“Uh huh. Spit it out.”

I sighed, shaking my head as I averted my gaze toward the ground. “Dettere and I spoke today, before… before I realized something was wrong with you.”

“I’ll try to hide it better next time,” he sighed.

I tossed him a glare. “That’s not what I meant and you know it. Don’t hide things from me. Anyway, he said… He said there’s a reason you’re here.”

“Yeah,” he said, watching me carefully, “to guard the place. Remember?”

“No.” I shook my head. “Initially, maybe, but there’s more to it than that. He said… He said the screamers are after you.”

“They want to kill me.”

“Well… yeah, but… but first they want to use you,” I told him quietly.

“Use me?” he echoed, expression flattening.

“They want… They want you to swim to the bottom of the Lake and… and free the perpetuals down there so they can have them for their army.”

He watched me for a long moment. “I’d never help them.”

I nodded. “I know you wouldn’t, but Dettere… he’s not so sure about the… others.”

“Others?”

“Like you,” I said. “Other… animalistic perpetuals. He said they might help the screamers.”

He looked away, chewing on his lower lip thoughtfully, before he sighed and nodded. “Unfortunately, I know some of them would jump at the chance to get back at the ‘normal’ perpetuals.”

“But not you?”

“No me,” he said, looking at me. “But thanks for telling me. I’ll keep an eye out.”

I nodded. “Yeah, um… no problem. Just… keep me in the loop, okay? And…” I took in a breath, easing my fingers around his wrist, his blue eyes latching onto my own hazel ones. “And don’t hide things from me. If you’re in pain, don’t hide it. I don’t… I don’t mind sharing it.”

“If I shared it,” he said slowly, watching me, but thankfully he hadn’t pulled away yet, “then they’d know about…”

_Me being the aggressor. I know._

I sighed and shook my head. “I’ll work on it,” I said. “Just… if you’re in trouble… don’t hide it.”

“Nothing you can do about it anyway,” he said.

I looked away, his words stabbing through me in a way they hadn’t before. He was right. Even if he let me know he was in trouble, even with the bond screaming with it, there was nothing I could do. Even if I was standing right next to him, I couldn’t do anything to stop him from being hurt, or… or _worse_. I closed my eyes, taking in slow, shallow breaths. I wasn’t aware anything had changed until warm lips brushed against mine, and I blinked my eyes open to find Kieron’s face hovering over mine, a tired smile on his face.

“You worry too much,” he said quietly. “But thanks. For… caring.”

“I’m… I’m a liability,” I mumbled, looking away. “I can’t… I can’t help you. Or… Or anyone. Ever. I’m just…”

“Human,” he finished. “You’re human.”

“Yeah,” I sighed, shrugging helplessly. “I’m human. And weak. And… And I’m _sorry_.”

His chuckle was warm and inviting, causing me to stiffen and glance at him, his face mere inches from my own, his eyes easily capturing mine. “You’re apologizing for being born human,” he said. “That’s like me apologizing for being born an animalistic perpetual.”

I smiled faintly. “Yeah,” I sighed, “I guess. Silly, huh?”

I couldn’t control being human any more than he could control being an ‘anomaly’, perpetually speaking. No one was to blame; it was just how things were, and nothing could or would change that.

He got to his feet, slipping away from me. “If it helps,” he said on his way to the door, “you’re fine how you are.”

And then he exited the room, rounding the corner, and I stared after him.

_Did he just…?_

Did he just _compliment_ me?

 

My eyes snapped open. The beginnings of daylight filtered into the room, leaving me frowning because I normally didn’t wake this early. I tried to think about what woke me, and recalled a voice. Kieron’s. I rolled over, my knuckles knocking against cold covers, the space next to me long since empty. Frown deepening, I sat up and looked around the room, but everything appeared fine.

I took in a breath. _Kieron? Where are you?_

**_Outside. Come here._ **

I frowned. He didn’t usually do this if he wanted me to go somewhere. He’d just wake me up or wait until I went there naturally. This was very unusual, and tendrils of _wrong_ crept through my skin as I shoved the covers back and got to my feet.

_Is something wrong?_

**_No, just meet me outside._ **

I took in a breath, toeing on my shoes. _Okay. What’s up?_

 ** _Just_** -

Pain laced through me and I heard a snarl from somewhere nearby. I spun but no one was there, and it wouldn’t explain the pain anyway. _Kieron, what’s going on? What’s happening?_

**_Terry, just get the fuck out of the cabin._ **

_You’re not out there, are you?_

**_Get out of the cabin!_ **

The sudden, raised tone left me swallowing as I exited our room and padded downstairs, keeping an eye out for anything out of the ordinary, since I did hear a growl. Kieron’s growl, I now realized. He was hurt.

_Are you okay?_

**_Get the fuck out!_ **

I jumped, then, at the sudden tone in his voice, the snarl in it. Except, no. That wasn’t in my head, that snarl. That was…

I moved toward the kitchen.

“…help you?”

_He’s okay._

He was talking. He was okay.

I followed the sound of that beautifully agitated voice and found Kieron out the back door, on the small balcony overlooking the Lake. He wasn’t alone.

His eyes widened when he saw me, a snarl twisting his lips, just as the two perpetuals in front of him turned to face me. All I could focus on right now, though, was that goddamn _knife_ against his _throat_. That _golden_ -

“Kie,” I all but choked, taking a quick step forward.

One of the perpetuals, the one not holding the blade to my perpetual’s neck, stepped toward me in response, growling. “Stay _out_ of this.”

“Why are you doing this?” I asked, gaze never leaving Kieron’s eyes. “What’s going on?”

“Terry, get out-” Kieron snapped, before the blade pressed further into his throat. Steam arose from a thin cut due to the pressure of the knife, swallowing his words. My hands clenched into fists at my sides, a low growl erupting from my throat. The perpetual in front of me didn’t seem to notice.

“This doesn’t concern you, human,” the perpetual in front of me said.

“Let him go,” I snapped, skin ablaze.

The perpetual laughed. I finally glanced at him and his dark gray eyes which sparkled as he smiled predatorily. “You can’t order us around. Exrie said he wants you alive; that doesn’t mean you have to go in one piece.”

_Exrie. They’re working for Exrie._

My stomach churned. Was this another attempt to kill Kieron? Well, of course it was – there was a goddamn knife to his throat! A _golden_ one. The kind that could easily _kill_ -

“Just do as we ask, Kieron,” said the second perpetual, the one next to Kieron.

“Do it yourself,” Kieron growled, looking away from me to instead glare at the perpetual holding the knife to his throat.

_Don’t antagonize them!_

**_Told you to fucking leave._ **

_I’m not leaving you, asshole!_

“What’s going on?” I asked again.

“Kieron here is going to help us get into the Lake,” said the second perpetual. “Aren’t you?”

“Fuck you,” Kieron spat. “I’m not helping you.”

_Oh, God. It’s like Dettere said. But why are these perpetuals after it? Unless…_

Maybe these were the animalistic perpetuals Dettere was talking about; the ones who could turn on them and work for the screamers and Exrie. But this was just so _crazy_! Why would anyone _help_ that maniac, or the screamers? But even Kieron said he could think of a few of them who would switch sides…

“You don’t have a choice,” the perpetual in front of me said. “Either you do as we say or your little human is going for a dip.”

I felt the blood rush to my feet, fight-or-flight response immediately activating at those words. “But you need me alive,” I said.

_Exrie wants me alive._

“Oh, we wouldn’t let you _die_ ,” the perpetual laughed. “We’d just make you wish you were dead.”

“Leave him out of this,” Kieron snapped. “Why are you helping the screamers, anyway?”

“Why?” the second asked, incredulously. “I thought you’d understand, Kieron.”

“Well, I don’t, so enlighten me.”

“We’ve been treated badly since the day we were born,” the first said.

“Cry me a river,” Kieron said. “Get the fuck over it. That’s life.”

“It’s time for a little revenge.”

“Starting with the Lake,” the second said. “So be a good perpetual and free your kindred spirits.”

“I’m not doing it,” Kieron said firmly, despite that knife holding steady against his Adam’s apple. My skin was too tight. I could almost feel blood dripping down my hands from the way they were clenched, nails digging into my skin. “If you’re so gung-ho about it, why don’t you?”

“And risk getting stuck down there?” the second asked. “Not likely.”

“Then find someone else.”

“We did. You.”

“Fuck you,” Kieron growled.

“Alright,” the second sighed, shaking his head. “Throw the human over.”

_Wait, what?_

I didn’t have time to react as my wrist was suddenly snagged and I was pulled forward, yanked across the balcony and toward the edge. Hands grasped at my sides and lifted, pushing forward, and I could feel myself falling over despite how I scrambled to backtrack, grab _something_ -

“ _Stop_!” Kieron growled, lunging toward me, but the steam clouded my eyes as pain shot through me, and I went over the edge.

I closed my eyes because I didn’t want to see death approaching. But suddenly I was yanked to an abrupt halt as a hand curled around my own, fingers crushing mine, claws digging into my skin, nearly pulling my arm out of my socket, and I looked up to see Kieron over the side as well, hanging onto the edge, reaching down toward me, his hand a vise around my own.

There was blood on his face and blood on his shirt. His sudden movement made him get sliced by the blade, right across the throat. All I could see was red and steam.

“ _Kieron_ ,” I gasped.

He grunted, hauling me up even as he growled. Looking further up I saw why.

His fingers were being plucked from the edge. Those fingers turned into claws and dug into the wood of the balcony railing, but his grip was slipping. I looked down, which was a mistake. We were up so high… The plummet would kill me. The water would feel like concrete and crush me. Even if I lived through that I would have no way to stop myself from sinking so far with all that momentum, I wouldn’t be able to get back to the surface before drowning.

These idiots obviously knew nothing about human health and limitations. They thought this wouldn’t kill me; it would.

It’d kill Kieron, too. And he’d sink. And heal, and wake up, and _sink_.

“ _Kieron_ ,” I choked, “let go.”

“Shut the fuck up,” he snapped back, hauling me up more. I could almost reach the railing, but his grip was nearly gone and the perpetuals-

Steam rose into the air as he threw his head back and growled, the blade stabbing into his hand. His fingers uncurled automatically at the pain, and for a moment I watched in slow motion as he clutched at air, before we plummeted.

I screamed, but I couldn’t hear it. I didn’t even feel Kieron’s arms slipping around me, holding me to his chest as he turned us. Didn’t even realize the impact I felt was from the suddenly stopping of _his_ body beneath me, not my own against the water.

Cold water rushed up my nose. In the chaos I lost Kieron. Lost him because his arms loosened, because he wasn’t _awake_ , and I couldn’t stop _drowning_.

I pumped my arms and legs but I still just went down. Coughing left bubbles floating to the surface, a surface I couldn’t reach, and the breath I choked for only left me-

 _Darkness_.


	12. Dismissed

Chapter Twelve: Dismissed

 

Falling. Fear. Darkness. _Kieron._

My memory was composed of quick flashes. Brief, barely there, before darkness consumed me again. Everything ached, when consciousness did rear its head, and it was hard to breathe. I woke with a strangled gasp, eyes flying open. Hands pushed me back down, firm on my shoulders.

“Terry,” the person said. “Take it easy. Hey. Hey! Calm down.”

“K-Kie…?”

“Stay calm,” the person said, but the voice was _wrong_. That knot somewhere in my stomach left me gasping all over again, the blurred image above me beginning to turn into Ashere.

“Where’s…” I coughed, groaning, shivering as I lay on the cold ground, wind circling around us. Slowly memories returned, memories of falling, water, unable to breathe, _Kieron_ …

_Oh, God._

This time I shoved free of Ashere’s grip, quickly sitting up. My gaze landed on the water a few yards away, rough waves lapping at the shore. The sky was dark and eerie, or maybe that was just me, _something_ clogging up my throat and-

“ _Kieron_ ,” I choked, “where’s…? Where is he?”

“Terry, you shouldn’t be up yet,” Ashere said. “You almost died-”

I shrugged off his hands and staggered to my feet, coughing and shivering and _aching_ , but even so I moved toward the water’s edge, terrified memories of falling plaguing my mind, of the red leaking across Kieron’s throat, the steam, the way I _lost_ him in the water… how he turned us so that _he_ took the impact…

_For me._

He did that for _me_. I knew this. He was terrified of this place though he would never admit it aloud. I knew, though. He was scared, really hated this place, and yet he jumped over the side of that balcony, latched onto my arm when he could have saved himself, when he could have just _let me fall_ … But he didn’t. Instead he grabbed my arm, and then twisted us as we fell, taking the complete impact along with my own added weight slamming into him as he hit the water.

 _For me_.

“Terry,” Ashere hissed, snagging my shoulder with this iron grip I knew I couldn’t get away from, but I tried nevertheless, because _no_. “Terry, stop. You’re going to hurt yourself!”

“Kieron,” I breathed, struggling to break free. “Let go, dammit-”

“What do you think you’re going to do?” Ashere snapped, roughly hauling me away from the water. “Huh? Enlighten me!”

“Where is he,” I breathed shakily, even though I knew the answer deep down. “Where…”

“We haven’t found him yet,” he said quietly. “He’ll turn up. How’s your bond?”

“Quiet,” I said softly, relaxing somewhat. “He’s… He’s okay.”

Ashere released a soft breath. “Yes. Just unconscious, probably.”

 _Or dead,_ my mind said. _He probably died and he’s healing._

Dead bodies floated, though. Nothing was tying him down. It was a terrible thought but he’d resurface soon enough, right? I mean, _I_ did, and I wasn’t even-

“How did I get out?” I asked.

“Bekkah saw what happened,” Ashere said, slowly releasing his hold on me. “She was on her way back to the cabin, coming up the roundabout on the hill, when she saw you two hanging off the balcony. She diverted her route toward the Lake instead and got there just after you guys went under. She managed to pull you out but had to leave Kieron behind.”

_Leave Kieron behind._

The words echoed through me. I wasn’t aware I was even angry until Ashere caught my fist which had been flying at his face. His brown eyes narrowed, lips twisting into a brief snarl even as my eyes widened somewhat.

“Get this shit under control,” he said. “Or you’re going to get him in trouble.”

“Like this is my fault,” I snapped, glaring at him, wincing somewhat when his grip on my fist tightened. “I didn’t ask to be fucking _bonded_. You _made_ us bond. I didn’t _ask_ to be the goddamn agg-”

“Dettere,” Ashere said suddenly, expression going slack, his grip on my fist further tightening. The grip alone left my mouth snapping shut, let alone Dettere’s name.

Footsteps approached behind me.

“Go on, Terry,” Dettere said. “What were you saying?”

I took in a breath, praying it didn’t sound as shaky as it felt, even as I closed my eyes. “Nothing,” I said. “Just… Just worried. Have you found him?”

“Not at this time,” Dettere said. “In all honesty, it could take days before he turns up, or even longer, I’m afraid.”

“It doesn’t take that long to heal, right?”

“No,” he said. “But that’s assuming his body washes ashore. Otherwise he’s still in the water, and the more ‘alive’ he gets by healing, the more likely it will be for him to sink again, without fully regaining consciousness, and he will have to repeat the process.”

My shoulders slumped. “So you’re saying… he might not even wash up on shore.”

_Wash up._

Like he was just a _body_.

Ashere released my wrist. I’d temporarily forgotten about him.

“The two responsible have been apprehended,” Dettere said.

Well… that was something, at least.

I nodded slowly. “Yeah… okay. Thanks for telling me.”

_Punish them._

“What were you saying upon my arrival?” Dettere asked.

I took in a breath, opened my eyes and turned to face him, offering a smile I hoped he couldn’t tell was so incredibly fake. “Nothing,” I said. “I was just worried, that’s all. But he’ll turn up, right?”

_Turn up…_

Like he was just a body…

I clasped my hands behind me to keep from fisting them. Or, at least, to keep it from Dettere’s watchful eyes.

Dettere watched me for a moment, before he nodded and turned to walk away. “I must check on things at the cabin. Ashere, bring the human along once he is well enough.”

And then he walked away, and I could finally remove my hands from behind my back as I took in a slow, shaky breath, scrubbing a hand across my face.

“How many are looking for him?” I asked, glancing at Ashere.

He shrugged. “I don’t know,” he said. “Not many.”

I didn’t realize I was growling until he shot me a glare and the sound abruptly shut off.

“There are bigger worries at the moment,” he told me.

Red burned through me, an ignition I couldn’t stop, as the growling resumed and I took a step toward Ashere. He glared back at me, not moving.

“Watch it,” he snapped. “Unless you want everyone to know about your perfect little bond.”

I blinked, pausing momentarily. “Odd choice of words,” I finally said, narrowing my eyes. “What makes you think it’s _perfect_?”

_And why do you even care?_

He snorted and shook his head. “Are you feeling better? I should take you to the cabin.”

I dodged his reach to grab my arm. “Answer my question.”

This time _he_ was the one to growl, lips pulling back. “I’m going to assume you’re better.”

I couldn’t dodge his next attempt, and his fingers easily twisted around my arm, digging into skin hard enough to leave bruises. I couldn’t fight him as he began pulling me away from the water.

**_Human?_ **

I blinked, swallowing thickly at the sudden voice in my head. “Kieron,” I breathed, legs trembling as though suddenly made of jelly. Ashere shot me a glance, coming to a stop which let me stop as well, lest I fall over.

_Kieron?_

**_Are you okay?_ **

I closed my eyes. _Yes. I’m fine. Where are you, Kie?_

“Talking to him?” Ashere asked.

I didn’t even bother answering him. _Kie? Where?_

**_Nearby, I think. I can smell you._ **

He smelled me. Those words shouldn’t have left me grinning like they did, but nevertheless my mouth began to ache from the smile I couldn’t stop. Ashere released my arm, but I was barely even aware he was there at the moment.

_Come get me._

He didn’t respond, but I knew he’d be coming. I opened my eyes to find Ashere watching me.

“Kieron, I’m guessing,” he said.

“He’s coming,” I said, unable to stop smiling, a warmth buzzing through me.

Ashere gave a slow nod. “I see. We’ll wait for him.”

“Shouldn’t you, I don’t know, find Dettere and tell him to call off the search because Kieron’s okay?”

He didn’t _quite_ scowl but he might as well have. “It can wait.”

“Isn’t he your boss?” I asked. “I think you should go.”

“Why are you trying to get rid of me?”

“Why are you so eager to stay?” I shot back, smile dispersing as I glared at him. “This has nothing to do with you.”

_Absolutely nothing. You don’t need to be here._

I wasn’t sure why I was so eager to get rid of him, to be honest. All I knew was Kieron was okay, he was coming, and the only company I wanted right now was Kieron. Not Ashere. Not Kieron _and_ Ashere, just Kieron. My perpetual.

 _Mine_.

Primal need, primal instinct.

 _Mine_.

I was about to say something particularly rude to Ashere when Kieron showed up. I didn’t hear him approaching, I didn’t see him because my back was turned, but I _knew_. I just knew. It was this feeling screaming through me, this suddenly racing of my pulse, a brush of _something_ in my mind, and I turned without thinking.

“Kieron,” I breathed as I hurried toward him. I threw my arms around his neck, our bodies knocking together as I embraced him as tightly as I could, my face burrowing into his right shoulder, into the damp fabric of his shirt.

Slowly, his arms came around me in return. “Human,” he said quietly, voice raw and rough.

“How hurt are you?” I asked without moving my head or stepping away, or loosening my hold.

“I’ll live,” he said. “Ashere.”

I stiffened somewhat because I momentarily forgot about him, but now I was suddenly aware of being watched. I slowly loosened my hold and lifted my head enough to toss a look over my shoulder, but I didn’t move away from Kieron.

Ashere stood just a few feet behind me now, watching the two of us with this flat expression on his face. Irritation crept through me but the scent of Kieron – no matter how fishy he smelled right now – wrapped around me, calming in a way nothing could, except the rest of him, his arms still lightly around my waist, one hand carefully resting over the curve of my hip.

“We should get back to the cabin,” Ashere said.

“Yeah,” Kieron agreed. “We should.” His hands slid away from me and I sighed, taking a step away from him despite the fact at the moment, I didn’t mind invading his personal space.

Ashere watched the two of us until we stepped toward him, and he led the way away from the Lake.

 

I wasn’t sure who was more shocked when we were told we could go back to my apartment – me or Kieron. I was happy to be going home and get away from the Lake, but I was also confused because wasn’t Kieron there for his protection? Except that didn’t turn out very well. He was still attacked.

Dettere said it would be best if we ‘laid low’ for a while. It was decided my apartment would be good for now, since no one knew where it was save for a select group of perpetuals. The screamers had yet to locate it and I prayed they never would. Dettere decided it would be best if we went there for a bit until they figured out if there were any more perpetuals working with Exrie at the Lake, and it would give him more time to round up the other animalistic perpetuals.

I wasn’t going to question it, though. I was just happy to leave.

My apartment was just as we’d left it. We entered for the first time in roughly a week and I gathered up the stack of mail outside and put it on the kitchen table as we walked through to the bedroom to put our bags up. Kieron slipped away to take a shower while I collapsed onto my bed, breathing out a heavy sigh of relief, happy to be back home and away from the Lake and everything with it.

Away from Ashere, Dettere, the screamers, the Lake, those crazy perpetuals…

Away from everything.

I must have drifted off at some point because Kieron was suddenly shaking my arm. I opened my eyes to find him standing over me, a plate of food in his hands. A whiff of pizza slid through the room and I sat up, eying the plate.

“How long was I out?”

“Nearly an hour,” he said. “I ordered pizza.”

“Thanks,” I said, accepting the plate which held four generous slices, two stacks. Kieron sat next to me and grabbed one from one side while I grabbed one from the other, smiling at him. “You got food for me.”

He scowled. “I could hear your stomach growling.”

I chuckled and lightly knocked my shoulder into his. “Thanks, Kie. How was your shower?”

He shrugged, swallowing a bite. “Fine.”

“How long do you think we’ll get to stay here?”

“Dunno. Guess we’ll see.”

I nodded, sighing, because I knew he was right. There was no way to know when he’d get called back to Ethereal, and I wasn’t going to let him go alone.

We finished our food in silence. Kieron stood, gesturing at the plate, which I handed to him.

“I’m full,” I told him.

He nodded, disappeared from the room with the plate, and reappeared a moment later, empty-handed. I gestured for him to sit next to me again, and he did so.

“Thanks for, um…”

He sighed. “Don’t thank me.”

“Thanks for saving me,” I said. “I know it… must have hurt.”

He grimaced, shaking his head. “It’s fine.”

I nodded slowly. “Alright,” I said quietly. “But thanks. You didn’t have to.”

Silence slipped around us for a moment, before my fingers trailed toward his own, resting between us on the bed. At the slightest brush of my fingers against his, he shot me a quick glance, blue eyes looking over my face.

“You should shower,” he said. “Water should be warm again.”

I sighed and nodded, pushing to my feet. “Alright, yeah, sounds good.”

Like him, I also previously smelled of fish. I’d also been pulled out of the Lake, after all.

I grabbed some clean clothes and headed into the shower. I tried not to flinch as the water pelted against my back as I stepped into the spray, fighting away memories of falling into water and being unable to breathe. I remembered choking, coughing, gasping for air and choking on the water. Remembered panicking. Remembered darkness.

I could have died. I _should_ have. I _would_ have, if it hadn’t been for Kieron. He saved my life yet again. And how did I repay him? By nearly letting Dettere know there was an aggressor. I was so stupid. A weak, stupid, pathetic human. I could do nothing to help Kieron and I couldn’t even keep him safe because every time he was in danger, that _aggressor_ part of me ignited and there was little I could do to stop it. I really needed to focus on controlling it but had no idea how to go about doing that.

How would I even start controlling it? By letting him go into dangerous situations while I attempted to remain calm and keep a clear head? Let _Ashere_ near him while I-

I wasn’t aware I was growling until warm fingers caught my clenched fist from where it swung toward the wall. Startled, I jerked away as much as I could without that warm hand releasing me, and found Kieron standing just outside the shower curtain, reaching in and holding my fist. Narrowed blue eyes watched me.

“Sorry,” I breathed. “I just, um… It’s hard to control.”

He watched me for a long moment, before he sighed and lightly pulled me toward him. I placed my free palm against his chest to brace myself even as his lips met my own. My shock lasted only a second, because he rarely initiated the contact and kisses, after all, before I slid my hand from his chest and wrapped my arm around his neck, pulling him a little closer. The edge of the bathtub stood between us, against my shins, just below the knees.

Those quick, fleeting thoughts and memories of falling slid away, as did those unwanted images of Ashere getting close to him. My growls turned into careful pants as he released my hand and allowed me to wrap it around him as well, his own hands easily curving around my hips, my skin suddenly very sensitive, naked under the spray of the water while he was fully clothed.

“What… what was that for?” I breathed as we pulled apart only far enough that our mouths were no longer connected.

“Distracting you,” Kieron replied.

I blinked. “Distracting me?”

“Didn’t feel like giving you a headache this time.”

I grinned, chuckling. “I have to admit, I like this much better.”

He offered a tired smile. “I also came to tell you that your brother’s on the phone.”

I coughed, lightly pulling away from him. “He… What? Tommy?”

“Yes. I wasn’t going to answer but he called three times in a row, so I eventually answered. I told him you were in the shower but he seemed upset.”

“Upset?” I repeated, swallowing. “Okay, um… I’ll just…”

He stepped back, offering me a towel. I all but leapt from the shower, snagging it on my way out the door, wrapping it around my waist as I hurried through the small apartment to pick up the phone from where it sat on the kitchen table. Kieron didn’t follow after me, probably to give me some privacy.

Even though he had super hearing and could hear me anyway. But still, it was the thought that counted.

“Tommy?” I asked, holding the phone to my ear. “What’s wrong?”

“Terry,” my brother said shakily, “it’s Lacy, she… She’s in the hospital!”

I used the chair next to me for balance. “O-Okay,” I breathed, swallowing thickly, the towel nearly dropping away from me since I was no longer holding it to my skin. “Okay, what… what happened?”

“Car wreck,” Tommy said. “She…”

“Where’s Amanda? Is she okay?”

_Please let his kid be okay._

“Yeah,” he said, and I could breathe again, “yeah, she’s… She was with me. Lacy went to the store to get more diapers and… and there was a drunk driver, and…”

“What hospital?”

“Jasper Hospital,” he replied breathily.

“Okay,” I said. “I’m on my way, Tommy. Where are you?”

“In the waiting room,” he replied.

“Okay, you stay there,” I said. “I’ll be there soon. Take it easy.”

“O-Okay,” he breathed. “Thanks, Terry.”

“Be there soon,” I promised as I hung up, nearly jumping when warm hands skimmed across my hips, only realizing it was Kieron lifting the towel back up around my waist when he pressed his chest against my back, breathing in my ear.

“Calm down,” he said. “Your clothes are on the bed. I’ll get the car ready.”

I didn’t ask how he knew what happened. Instead I was just so grateful I didn’t have to explain it to him. I took in a shaky breath, nodded, and kissed him quickly on the cheek before I hurried from the kitchen and into the bedroom, holding the towel around me.

By the time I came out, he was waiting by the door for me. I could hear the old engine of my car outside. It was a rusted old thing we got only a few months ago when I wanted to spend more time with Tommy but didn’t want to keep having him come to get me. My previous car never left John’s. I never went to get it because I was rarely home anymore, and then he did the whole… sex thing with me. Ignored me when I practically _begged_ him to let me go because Kieron was in trouble. Instead he put that gag back in my mouth and walked away. Sure, he freed me a little bit later, but after he drove me home I hadn’t spoken to him since. At least, not face to face.

Neither of us spoke as we made it to the car. Kieron got behind the wheel and I didn’t even bother asking about his driving abilities. Instead I quickly buckled up and bit my tongue, praying Lacy was okay because I wasn’t sure what would happen if she wasn’t.

“Calm down,” Kieron said again as we pulled away from the apartment and onto the main road.

I tossed him a quick glare. “I can’t,” I snapped. “She might…”

“I’m sure she will be fine,” he said.

“You don’t know that.”

“Terry,” he said, tossing me a quick glance, except there was nothing harsh about his gaze, “it’ll be okay.”

I took in a breath, averting my gaze out the passenger window. “I hope you’re right, Kie…”


	13. Jasper Hospital

Chapter Thirteen: Jasper Hospital

 

Jasper Hospital wasn’t anything fancy since this was a medium-sized town and nowhere near a city in size and population. It was a nice facility, though, and was where Amanda was born. Since it wasn’t a very large hospital, I hoped that meant Lacy was taken here because her injuries weren’t too severe, and not because she wasn’t stable enough to be taken elsewhere.

My mind kept spinning. How could this happen? Lacy was a careful driver. A drunk driver hit her, apparently. They must have been going fast because the fastest she would have had to go was 35mph from her house to the store to get diapers. The store was less than ten minutes from their house. How could this happen?

I didn’t acknowledge Kieron’s hand on my shoulder as we walked through the hospital, but I greatly appreciated it. I hoped he knew that. By the way he squeezed my shoulder as we rounded a corner, I figured he knew. He could probably feel it through the bond, through my frenzy of emotions. I was probably giving him a headache, not even attempting to keep any of my rampant emotions to myself, but I was grateful he didn’t mention it and was there for me. I wasn’t sure what I’d do if I was alone right now.

“Tommy,” I breathed as we entered the waiting room. Tommy jumped up from his chair, careful not to disturb Amanda too much. She was beautiful in his arms, so peaceful as she slept with her little pacifier in her mouth, oblivious to the fact we were in a hospital.

“Terry,” Tommy said, expression contorted. “Thanks for coming.”

“Have you heard anything?” I asked as Kieron’s hand fell away from my shoulder. I tried not to miss the warmth too much.

“Not yet,” Tommy said, taking in a slow, shaky breath. “I just…” He swallowed, glancing at Kieron for the first time, seemingly only now noticing him. “Oh, um… I just… You must be… Ki…”

He was always horrible at saying Kieron’s name.

“Kieron,” I said. “Kieron, my brother, Tommy and his daughter, Amanda.”

“Hello,” Kieron said politely enough, voice low and gruff just behind me, surprisingly soothing in my ear. I could practically feel my tense muscles slowly relaxing.

“Hi,” Tommy said. “Sorry we had to… meet like this.”

Kieron shrugged. “Can’t be helped.” He paused, then, and sighed, stepping forward a little. “I can take Amanda if you want to talk to Terry privately. I know this is a sensitive matter and you don’t want to risk waking her.”

I stared at my perpetual, at the sincerity in his words. Even Tommy stared at him, mouth sagging open somewhat, even as he gave into a shaky nod.

“O-Okay,” he breathed, tossing me a glance as though asking if he could trust Kieron with his kid.

I never would have expected Kieron to offer this, and I had to admit I loved the idea of him holding baby because it just seemed so _odd_. But he wouldn’t hurt Amanda. He wouldn’t even go far and he’d probably still be able to hear us. So I nodded at Tommy because, yes, he could trust Kieron with his daughter.

It took a second, but finally Tommy held Amanda out to him. Kieron accepted her with a gentleness I’d only seen reserved for me on very, _very_ rare occasions, easily tucking Amanda against his chest, cradling her as he looked down at her. I watched him for a long moment, before he seemed to notice me staring. He tossed me a quick look and then began backing out of the waiting room.

“We’ll go get something to drink,” he said. “Did either of you want something?”

“No thanks,” Tommy said. “Thanks for this.”

Kieron nodded and then disappeared around the corner. I stared after him, shocked.

“He’s… That’s nice of him,” Tommy said, causing me to drag my attention back toward him.

“Yeah,” I said, frowning. “You look like shit.”

He scrubbed a hand across his face. “Feel like it, too. They won’t tell me anything or… or let me see her.”

I grabbed his arm, easily guiding him toward the chairs. He sat heavily and I did the same next to him. “I’m sure everything will be fine,” I told him. “Lacy’s strong.”

He drew in a shaky breath. “Yeah… Yeah, you’re right. I just… _Fuck_. I can’t believe…”

“Me neither,” I said quietly, looking at the ground. “Do you know anything about the wreck?”

“No,” he said. “I just… I got worried when she hadn’t been home in a half hour because the store’s not far away. I tried her cell after forty minutes. By that time a paramedic answered it and told me… told me she’d been in a wreck and they were taking her here. That was… _fuck_. An hour ago. I called you as soon as I got her forms filled out and could… could keep Amanda calm.”

“You’ve had a rough night,” I said. “I’m sure things will work out.”

“I hope so,” he said shakily, right leg bobbing nervously. “I just… I don’t know what I’d do if…”

“Yeah,” I said, swallowing as I closed my eyes. “I know what you mean.”

I had no idea what I’d do if I was in his shoes. If it was _Kieron_ in there somewhere and I had no idea about his condition. Of course things would be slightly different because the only _real_ fear I had was that he was fatally wounded by that golden weapon. Thinking about it left images of his mostly-dead body on the ground, of me covered in his blood, of the steam burning my eyes and then of limbo, of waking and-

The sharp pain behind my eyes wasn’t unexpected. I didn’t even flinch with the pain this time, though. Instead I relished in it, relished in that slight touch of irritated emotions mingling with my own. Kieron was okay. He was here. He offered to look after Amanda so Tommy and I could talk. That was sweet.

 _Sweet_.

Kieron would never let me live it down if I said that out loud.

“I don’t know… What if she _dies_ …”

I took in a breath, still attempting to wipe those images of Kieron’s motionless body from my mind. “Don’t say that,” I told him. “She’ll be okay. You’ll see.”

“I can’t… I can’t lose her, Terry.”

“I know,” I said, clenching my jaw. “I know, Tommy. You won’t.”

We sat there in silence for a long time. I wasn’t sure how long, before someone entered the room. I looked up expecting to see Kieron but instead it was a doctor, with a white jacket and a stethoscope around his neck.

“Who is here for Mrs. Lacy Andrews?” he asked, voice tired but composed.

That knot in my stomach tightened even as Tommy jumped to his feet.

“We are,” he said. “I’m her husband, and this is my brother.”

“Is it okay if I speak freely with him here?”

“Yes,” Tommy said instantly. “How is she? She’s… She’s okay, right?”

I got to my feet and stood next to him. If the answer was _no_ I would probably have to catch him or steady him in some way.

_Please, God, let her be okay._

“I’m Dr. Matthews. I oversaw Mrs. Andrew’s surgery. Mrs. Andrews cracked her skull against the steering wheel,” the doctor said. “The airbag didn’t deploy.”

 _Oh, God_.

“But she’s okay, right?” Tommy all but choked, desperation heavy in his voice.

“I am happy to say she should be fine, barring any complications. We are keeping her sedated for the time being, but will wean her off the anesthesia sometime tomorrow.”

Both Tommy and I exhaled audible sighs of relief. “Thank God,” Tommy said. “When can I see her?”

“She is being moved to a room as we speak,” he said.

“You said surgery,” I said. “Is… What…”

Surgery couldn’t be good, right?

“There was swelling around the brain due to the fracture,” he said. “We had create a small hole to release some of the pressure building in her brain. The procedure went smoothly without any complications.”

Tommy sagged back down into his chair. “Thank God. When can I see her, did you say?”

“As soon as she has been moved to a room, a nurse will be by to escort you to her,” Dr. Matthews said. “However, for the time being, I must ask that you do not stay too long. Visiting hours will be over soon and she needs her rest. She shouldn’t regain consciousness until tomorrow or the next day.”

“Okay,” Tommy said. “Thanks.”

Dr. Matthews nodded and left the room. I turned to face my brother.

“She’ll be fine,” I said, smiling, my body relaxing, those stiff muscles finally unclenching.

**_Good news?_ **

I nearly jumped at his sudden voice in my head, the sudden igniting of the bond, warmth flooding through me like it did every time. It left my smile growing wider. I probably looked ridiculous to Tommy but I didn’t care.

 _She’ll be okay,_ I told Kieron.

**_That’s good. I’m on my way back up._ **

_Okay, Kie._

A few minutes passed in silence, both of us too relieved to say anything. The nurse arrived before Kieron did. I let Tommy go alone to Lacy’s room to give them some privacy while I waited for Kieron.

Kieron appeared a minute later, still cradling the baby in his arms. It was so goddamn _cute_. I never thought I’d see him holding a kid. And I never thought I’d see him be so _gentle_.

He scowled. “Stop that,” he said.

“Stop what?” I asked, grinning.

“You know what. Where’s your brother?”

“He’s seeing Lacy,” I said. “I thought I’d give him a moment. You look cute with that baby, Kie.”

His scowl deepened but it was hard to look threatening when carefully holding a baby who was sleeping soundly in your arms. “Don’t get used to this.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” I said, smirking. “I’m still shocked you offered.”

“You two needed to talk,” he said.

“Thanks,” I told him. “I appreciate it. And thanks for driving.”

He shrugged. “You’re a terrible driver.”

“I don’t think you’ve ever seen me drive,” I said.

“I have,” he said.

“When?”

“When we went to Brian’s,” he told me matter-of-factly.

It took me a minute to remember who Brian was. He was a human whose barn we used to get back to Ethereal when we were being hunted by Reapers, back when Kieron and I were still very new to each other. Back then I didn’t even know about a bond and obviously didn’t know what one was. We used the gateway in Brian’s barn once, and I recalled being _bitter_ about the fact Kieron seemed nice to him while, at the time, he’d been nothing but rude to me.

This caused an argument to break out about how he hated me. _Hated_ me. And I didn’t like him, either. The beginning of our relationship was more than a little rocky. We both said some pretty harsh things then, and I stomped away, intent on never seeing him again, only to get capture by the screamers. I wasn’t expecting Kieron to save me, then, but he did. He hunted me down and saved me, just like always.

“Okay,” I sighed, shrugging the memories away. “But I’m not a bad driver.”

He rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say, human.”

I glanced at the clock. “It’s been a few minutes. I guess we can go to them.”

I frowned, then, because I didn’t actually know where Lacy’s room was. The nurse didn’t give a room number, just said she would take us there. I let Tommy go alone, though.

Kieron must have sensed my confusion because he sighed and led the way out of the room. “C’mon.”

I smirked. He was going to sniff Tommy out.

We walked through the halls until Kieron stopped outside of a room and held the baby out to me. I blinked, easily taking Amanda into my arms. “You’re not coming in?”

He shook his head. “Family stuff,” he said. “I’ll just wait here.”

I sighed. “You’re family, Kie.”

“I’m not.”

“You’re my _boyfriend_ ,” I told him, still feeling a slight thrill up my spine every time I said the word, “so that makes you family.”

He scowled. “Just go see your brother, Terry. I’ll wait here.”

I sighed, shaking my head but I knew I couldn’t change his mind. “We’ll be leaving soon,” I told him. “Just want to make sure everyone’s okay.”

He nodded and I turned, entering the room.

Lacy was asleep, of course. Sedated. She looked so small under the covers. Her black hair was splayed across the white pillow beneath her head, her chest rising and falling rhythmically. The heart monitor was the only sound in the room, with Tommy sitting next to Lacy in a white plastic chair he’d pulled up next to the bed. He looked up as I approached.

“Hey,” he said quietly.

“Hey,” I replied, holding Amanda out to him. He took her from me, sighing. “We’re going to leave soon if that’s okay.”

It was late, after all. It was nearly ten when I got the call. Now it was going on eleven. Visiting hours were almost over.

“Okay,” Tommy said. “Thanks for coming. Tell Kieron I said thanks for looking after Amanda.”

“I will,” I promised, casting a glance back at Lacy. “See you guys soon. Keep me posted.”

“I will,” he promised back. “Go be with your boyfriend.”

I chuckled. “See ya, Tommy,” I said, easing my way out of the room.

Kieron was where I left him in the hallway. He looked up as I exited the room. “That was fast.”

“Yep,” I said. “Visiting hours are almost over. It’s late.”

He nodded. “Are we going back to the apartment, then?”

“Yes, please,” I said as we walked down the hallways. “Oh, and Kie?”

“Hmm?”

“Thanks.”

 

I was exhausted by the time we got back to the apartment. Physically as well as mentally. It had been a long day of walking to get to the gateway to come back here, and then it was emotionally draining going to the hospital, not knowing if Lacy would be okay or not.

I moved toward the bed, ready to collapse for a few days, but Kieron grabbed my shoulder and instead guided me toward the bathroom. “Shower,” he said.

“Kie,” I complained.

“You’ll feel better,” he said.

I sighed. Who was I to argue with that? Besides, I didn’t like smelling like fish. I wondered if Tommy noticed. Hopefully the spray of the shower from earlier had gotten rid of at least some of the smell, even though I hadn’t gotten around to using soap at that time.

Kieron entered the bathroom with me, easing me out of my clothes. It was all so sudden, the sudden gentleness of his fingers brushing against my skin, tugging at my clothes until they were in a pile on the ground. He even turned the shower on for me and got it the right temperature.

As he stood from where he’d been previously bent adjusting the temperature, I came up behind him and wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in the back of his neck. “Thanks,” I said quietly, breathing in the scent of him. The coconut shampoo, the minty soap, that musk that was just _him_ …

“Shower, human,” he said.

“You’re being really sweet.”

I didn’t mean to say that out loud. Both of us froze a little. “You take that back.”

I laughed at the choice of words. “What?”

“I’m not _sweet_.”

“You kind of are,” I said, lifting my head to instead rest my chin against his shoulder, still holding him from the back, my arms around his waist. “But that’s okay. I like it.”

He snorted. “Shower.”

“You tryin’ to tell me I stink?”

“I’m sure other fish find you alluring.”

I laughed, shaking my head as I released him, allowing him to turn and face me. “Gee, thanks, Kie.”

He smirked, watching me. “Shower.”

My hands rose, easily cupping his face, resting against the faint stubble. It took Kieron a long time to grow stubble, a perk of being immortal, apparently. His hair also didn’t grow very fast, save for during his transformations when his more ‘perpetual’ and ‘animalistic’ nature emerged. He didn’t pull away from my touch, which left me grinning as I leaned forward, connecting our mouths.

His own hands slowly rested on my hips. My naked hips. Which were suddenly very sensitive.

I stepped closer to him, tightening my hold on him. “Join me,” I said quietly, my words swallowed by the kiss we shared.

“Already showered,” he said, voice just as quiet.

The vibrations of his mouth against mine left me shivering. “Could always shower again.”

“Human.”

“We could-”

His hands left my hips, then, moving instead to clutch at my wrists, pulling them away from his waist as he took a step back. I swallowed, watching him.

Blue eyes scanned over my face. “You’re tired,” he said. “Shower, then sleep. It’s been a long day.”

“But-”

“Trust me,” he said. “There will be time for that later.”

I took in a breath and nodded. He was right, of course. I was tired, it’d been a long day, and we had time to do things later. We didn’t have to do it right now.

He released my wrists, gave my lips a quick peck, and then walked around me, out of the bathroom.

I stepped into the shower, trying to ignore how much I’d wanted him to stay.


	14. Dinner and Accusations

Chapter Fourteen: Dinner and Accusations

 

A few nights later, Tommy invited us to dinner. Lacy was staying home, resting since she’d been discharged the day before, and Amanda was at our dad’s house for a few days.

My dad and I had a rough relationship, so thinking about him already had me in a sour mood. I was just happy I didn’t have to see him.

I knew I’d have to eventually; he was my father, after all, but we always fought every time we saw each other. He wasn’t happy about the fact I was gay. He said it was just a stage and kept trying to hook me up with random girls. I could only take so much of that before I snapped.

I was surprised when Tommy invited us to dinner. He said it was to thank us, which was unnecessary. He also said he wanted to talk to Kieron again since they barely spoke at the hospital. I was nervous about the two of them meeting like this, at dinner, where there would be plenty of time to talk about various things. I really wanted them to get along, and it seemed like they were good with each other for now, especially after Kieron offered to help with Amanda at the hospital, but still, I couldn’t help but worry it would all fall apart. I wasn’t sure what I’d do if they didn’t get along.

Kieron knew I was worried but thankfully didn’t say anything. The drive to the restaurant was ridden in silence. I parked the car and led the way inside. The restaurant wasn’t anything fancy, of course, but it wasn’t shabby either. It was a nice place with good food, a place I’d only been to a few times.

We got there before Tommy and got the three of us a table.

“I’m glad Lacy’s doing better,” I said as we sat down, the waiter hurrying away to get our drinks.

Kieron grunted in response, plucking a menu off the table.

I watched him for a moment. “Have you ever been to a restaurant?”

“Nope,” he said.

I blinked. “Never?”

“When would I have dined at a restaurant?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I thought we might have…”

But he was right; we never did. I never took him to eat. We never went on dates. He was my boyfriend and yet our lives revolved around the war and the down-time in-between his time away fighting.

“You never… with Brian…?”

Blue eyes slid toward me, scowl present. “We never left his farm,” he said. “We’re not exactly friends.”

“Then… how did you know each other?”

“I knew his father,” Kieron said.

“Oh. Then… did you and him…?”

“We didn’t leave the farm, either.”

I took in a breath. “Did you…?”

“Fuck?”

I nodded even as my hands clenched into fists under the table, in my lap, my gaze averting toward the menu in front of me which I had yet to touch.

“Our relationships was purely physical,” Kieron said, flipping through the menu. “And very short-lived. Stop being jealous of a dead guy.”

I took in a breath, releasing it slowly as I glanced at him. “I really need to work on this, huh?”

“You do,” he said.

“How can I work on it? How do I stop…? How do I stop being the aggressor?”

“You don’t,” he told me, looking at me finally. “You’ll always be the aggressor. It’s an instinct you’ll never be able to control.”

“Then… Then how…”

“You have to trick it,” he told me. “I think. I don’t know much about this.”

I sighed, shaking my head. “How do I trick it?”

Instead of answering, Kieron nodded over my shoulder. I turned to see Tommy hurrying toward us, being flanked by our waiter who carried our drinks and a new menu for Tommy.

I was seated next to Kieron on one side of the booth while Tommy sat on the other side. The waiter got Tommy’s drink order and walked away as I took a sip of my soda.

“Sorry I’m late,” Tommy said. “Dad wanted to talk for a while.”

I scowled. “Bet that was fun.”

He sighed. “I wish you two would get along. He’s our dad.”

“He’s kind of an asshole,” I said, even as Kieron tossed me a quick glance. “What? He is! Every time we see each other, we argue.”

“Dad wants you to come this Thanksgiving, Terry,” Tommy said. “I think you should. It’s been years.”

I scrubbed a hand across my face. “I’ll think about it. If Kieron can come.”

Tommy shifted somewhat uneasily as I watched him. “I think it should just be family,” he said. “No offense, Kieron.”

He finally said his name right.

Kieron shrugged next to me. “I’ll be busy anyway.”

“Busy?” I asked, glancing at him.

“That’s months away,” he said.

I sighed because he was right. By that time he’d probably be stationed somewhere else, fighting or training people like always, and I’d be stuck here. Like always.

“Thanks for holding Amanda for me,” Tommy said.

Kieron shrugged. “No problem.”

“I appreciate it.”

He nodded.

“How’s Lacy?” I asked.

“She’s doing great,” Tommy said, smiling. “She was sleeping when I left.”

“That’s good,” I said. “I’m happy she’s okay.”

“Me too.”

The waiter returned, then. I realized I hadn’t even looked at the menu yet.

“He’ll have the steak,” Kieron said. “Medium-well. Fries. And I’ll have the same except make my steak medium-rare.”

The waiter nodded, scribbling it down before he looked at Tommy. As Tommy ordered I stared at Kieron.

**_What?_ **

_You just… See, this is why you’re sweet._

**_I’m not sweet, human._ **

I nearly laughed aloud at the scowl on his face and hidden in his voice. _You kind of are, but I that’s what I love about you._

Blue eyes slid toward me. **_Love?_**

I swallowed, taking in a slow breath. _Um… You know what I mean._

He didn’t respond, but maybe that was because I attempted to ignore him and focused instead on Tommy, who had finished ordering. The waiter was nowhere to be seen.

Tommy frowned at us. “Are you two okay?”

“We’re fine,” I said.

He watched us for a moment. “So how long have you two been together, again?”

I shrugged. It was hard to remember, exactly. Days and weeks melded together with the war and everything. “About a year,” I said. More than a year since I met Kieron, probably almost two since we met. About a year since we started doing further stages of our bonding such as kissing and sex. About six months since I nearly lost him.

“What happened to Rufus and John?”

I stiffened, a growl catching in my throat. I didn’t like thinking about them very much. Rufus could have killed me with his ‘surprise sex’, and John… John put that gag back in my mouth and ignored me when I practically _begged_ him to let me go, because Kieron was in trouble. He finally came back a little while later to let me go, but he still just walked away when I needed him. And I hadn’t forgiven him yet. I hadn’t spoken to him since I moved to the new apartment. It had been even longer since I spoke to Rufus.

“We fell apart,” I mumbled, looking down at the table.

“Terry,” Tommy sighed, “I’m happy you have a boyfriend, but that’s no reason to ignore your friends.”

I frowned. Tommy thought I was ignoring John and Rufus because of Kieron? “It’s not like that,” I said.

“When was the last time you hung out with them?”

“Before I met Kieron,” I said automatically, because that was a good way to decipher time. Kieron was a huge milestone in my life, after all. Before him I was normal. After him…

Tommy leveled me with a look. “I think you should talk to them. Ignoring them because you have a boyfriend is a little rude.”

“That’s not why we haven’t spoken,” I said. “They don’t even know he’s my boyfriend.”

This was very true. Rufus and John saw Kieron a rare few times and I always denied everything if they asked about us. At the time we weren’t really anything other than two people forced to bond together, and while I’d been growing rather fond of him, that didn’t mean we were in a relationship.

“You haven’t told them?”

I shrugged. “It’s none of their business because we don’t talk anymore.”

“It’s not good to go through life with only one person,” Tommy said. “No offence, Kieron.”

Kieron shrugged. “I agree with you.”

I tossed him a glare. “You what?”

“You should make friends. But you won’t.” Then he looked at Tommy. “Hassling him isn’t going to change anything. He broke things off with them for a reason. I don’t know why, but I can guess. He’s also getting more irritated as this conversation goes on, so I suggest we change the subject.”

I stared at him. How the hell did he know that? Did he knew why John and I stopped talking? Did he know that, while he was being attacked with _that_ blade, John was using me for his own needs, and I hadn’t entirely hated it? Okay, I’d hated that it was _John_ , but sex was always fun. It always felt good. At the time I’d just been beginning to realize I wanted it to be Kieron instead of anyone else.

And… Kieron could probably hear my thoughts or something right now.

I looked down at the table.

“He should have friends,” Tommy said slowly. “Unless… Terry, did he tell you to break it off with them?”

“No,” I said, shaking my head as I looked at my brother. “Of course not. He only met them like once or twice.”

“And have you met his friends?”

“Some of them,” I said. Ashere was Kieron’s friend though I loathed to add him in that group.

“Just so we’re clear,” Kieron said, tone low and guarded, which left me looking at him and his narrowed eyes which were focused on Tommy, “you’re accusing me of attempting to seclude Terry away from everyone he knows.”

Tommy took in a breath. “That sounds terrible, but… I think so. I’m sorry.”

Kieron grunted in response. “I can assure you I don’t think anyone can keep him away from people when he’s made up his mind.”

I blinked, watching him. I knew he was talking about himself. They kept trying to keep me away from Kieron for my _safety_ , but I still went with him a lot. I still saw him a lot.

“That’s good to hear, then,” Tommy said, sitting back in his chair. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to insinuate… I didn’t mean to make this awkward.”

“Well, you did,” I said, glaring at him. “Stop accusing my boyfriend of shit. Kieron’s great.”

I tried to ignore the way my face burned after that. I’d never actually said that out loud before, especially around Kieron. But I was defending him, so hopefully that was okay.

“So you two love each other, right?”

I swallowed, snapping my mouth shut. “You know how I feel about that,” I mumbled, a lump in my throat. He knew how I felt on the matter of loving someone. Loving someone that wasn’t family. He knew I couldn’t say it, at least not yet. Hopefully Kieron knew that too.

Tommy sighed, looking at Kieron. “Well?”

Kieron sighed. “I don’t love anyone.”

I knew that bothered Tommy more than it bothered me, because I knew why he was saying that. Perpetuals weren’t supposed to be _able_ to care, or have these strong emotions, especially his type of perpetual, the kind on the lower end of the pyramid. Especially animalistic ones. So of course he’d say he didn’t love anyone – that was an automatic response to him.

A response I was expecting, so it didn’t really bother me because I still knew he cared, even if he wouldn’t admit it.

Tommy, on the other hand…

“So you’re staying with Terry and you don’t love him,” he said slowly.

“It’s complicated,” I said.

“Don’t stand up for him,” Tommy snapped. “He just said he doesn’t love you, and he’s secluding you from your friends.”

I glared at him. “He’s _not_ secluding me! You don’t even know the story!”

“He doesn’t love you, Terry.”

“I don’t love him either!” I snapped, ignoring that twisting _something_ in my stomach as I pushed to my feet. “We’ll love each other when we feel like it and not when you say we should. Thanks for offering dinner, Tommy, but I think I’m gonna call it a night.”

I tried walking away, but Kieron easily snagged my wrist, yanking me back into my seat. “Sit down,” he snapped.

“Kieron-” I started.

“You two obviously have a lot to talk about,” he said, getting to his feet even as his other hand pressed against my shoulder, keeping me sitting. “And I’ve been accused enough for one night.” His gaze snapped toward Tommy then. My brother had the decency to look a little ashamed, bowing his head. “Terry loves you, Tommy. He talks about you all the time. He’s happy your wife is okay. He clearly respects you, so how about you return the favor once in a while.”

“What do you-” Tommy started, glaring.

“You know what I mean,” Kieron snapped, glaring, a growl in his voice. “Always questioning him, all his life. You never take his side during arguments with your father and he always wishes you would. And what happened when you met Lacy? Hmm? How long was it before you spoke to Terry again, even after he kept calling you? Six months, was it? I think that’s right. Six months. So don’t fucking talk to _me_ about having him _ignore_ people, because I can promise you, it’d be _easier_ if he’d ignore people.”

I stared at my perpetual, a warmth buzzing through me just as much as confusion. I couldn’t even ask how he _knew_ any of that at the moment, too stunned to think straight or form a word. He was standing up for me, _defending_ me, to my brother of all people. This was crazy. How did things get so out of control? We came here for a nice dinner and things started off so nicely, with Tommy and Kieron getting a long, and now…

Blue eyes snapped down toward my face, capturing my hazel ones. “I’m gonna go,” he said. “I’ll leave the car here.”

“What? No-”

“You two need to talk,” Kieron said, voice softening somewhat, that angry glare in his eyes dying down. “I’m in the way. I’ll leave you the car.”

“Kieron, I don’t-”

“You don’t have to go,” Tommy said quietly.

Kieron tossed him a quick glare. “I think I do.” He looked back at me. “I’ll meet you at the apartment, Terry.”

“Promise?” I asked quietly, still not wanting to let him leave but I knew he was right. Tommy and I had things to discuss and I didn’t want my brother unnecessarily accusing Kieron of things again.

His lips twitched upward into the ghost of a smile. “Sure,” he said. “Promise. See you then.”

His lips pressed a chaste kiss against my forehead before he pulled away, and I sighed, watching him go before I glared at Tommy.

“What’s your problem?” I snapped.

 

Dealing with Tommy left me in a sour mood as I entered the apartment about two hours later. I tossed the keys down on the kitchen table next to the to-go box of Kieron’s food, turning just as my perpetual appeared behind me, holding out some more comfortable night clothes. I smiled, my dark mood lifting as soon as our eyes met, my fingers brushing against his own as I accepted the clothes.

“Hey,” I said. “I brought your food home if you’re hungry.”

He nodded in response, reaching for the box of food. I joined him as he sat at the table and started eating. I dropped the clothes next to me on the table as I watched him.

“I’m sorry about Tommy,” I said quietly. “That was… rude of him.”

He shrugged, swallowing a bite of steak even though it was cold now. “He’s just looking out for you.”

“He was still out of line,” I told him. “He just… he doesn’t know much about you and he thinks…” I took in a breath. “He thinks you’re controlling me.”

“I know,” he said.

“I can’t tell him much about you because…”

“I know,” he said again.

I couldn’t tell Tommy a lot about him because of the war and Ethereal and everything. He wouldn’t believe me if I told him about it, and getting him involved was out of the question. So, to Tommy, I was sure it looked like I knew nothing about Kieron, and maybe even that Kieron _was_ controlling me, keeping me from my old friends and everything… but that was wrong. He wasn’t controlling me or keeping me away from anyone. If anything, _I_ was controlling _him_ with my ‘emotional emphasis’ or whatever it was.

I wasn’t aware I was so lost in thought until Kieron lightly kicked my shin from across the table, finished with his food. I blinked and looked at him.

“Hey,” I said slowly, “um… how did you know… all of that… at the restaurant? I didn’t tell you any of that.”

He knew about how alone I felt when Tommy and Lacy first got together, how he wouldn’t return my calls for a while. I could understand his reasoning, though – he just met the woman of his dreams, of course he was going to take some time getting to know her. But I never told Kieron any of that. It never came up _at all_.

And yet he knew it almost as if he’d _been_ there.

He sighed. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Tell me,” I said.

“It’s not important.”

“It might be,” I told him. “How did you know if I never told you?”

He sighed heavily, pushing his empty box away. “It happened when you pulled me into your limbo.”

I blinked. “What? What do you mean?”

“Our minds… I don’t know. Collided, I guess. I shouldn’t have been there but you pulled me there somehow.” He shook his head. “I don’t understand it, either, but it happened.”

“What happened?”

“I saw into your mind,” he said quietly, looking at the table.

“Saw into my…?”

_What’s that even mean?_

“There was a transfer of memories,” he said. “To tether me to your limbo. I’m guessing, of course, because I don’t know for sure and you won’t let me talk about it. I didn’t think it was important. All I did was see your memories.”

“My memories…” I echoed, swallowing. “You saw… You went through my memories?”

“I didn’t go through them,” he said. “Your mind forced them on me. I had no choice. I couldn’t stop it.”

“How many…?”

“Not many, before,” he said. “But lately… You seem to transfer your memories when you’re sleeping.”

“When I’m…? I _transfer_ my…? What does that even _mean_?” I asked, watching him closely, heart racing in my chest.

“It’s complicated,” he sighed. “When you tied me to your limbo… when you tied us together like that… there were consequences.”

“Consequences? And how did I tie us together?”

I had no idea what I was doing at the time, after all. Therefore I couldn’t have tied us together. I was only human.

“I don’t know,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t know any more about this than you do. I just know you keep giving me some of your memories.”

“So when Tommy was first getting with Lacy… You… You saw…”

“Your memories of then,” he finished with a nod. “Yes, I did.”

“How?” I breathed. “I don’t have _any_ of your memories.”

I wasn’t too upset about the fact he saw my memories of then, I realized. Instead I was upset because why couldn’t I see some of his memories? He knew so much more about me than I knew about him and I didn’t like it. I wanted to know more about him.

“I’m good at keeping them to myself,” he said, sighing.

“So you can see my memories… sometimes… but I can’t see yours? Ever?”

“You sound upset.”

“I am!” I snapped, glaring at him. “You know everything about me – all my freaking _memories_ – and I don’t know anything about you!”

“I don’t know everything,” he told me. “Only what your mind slips to me sometimes. It doesn’t happen very often.”

“Why are you only now telling me this?”

“Because I figured you should know,” he sighed. “And because I let it slip. It won’t happen again.”

“What won’t? Seeing my memories or letting it slip?”

“Either. I can work to block it out.”

I sighed, scrubbing a hand across my face. “Why can’t I see your memories? What if I want to?”

“You don’t,” he said. “They aren’t particularly pleasant. Plus, I won’t be able to decide which memories you see; it would be random. Just like yours are when I see them.”

“I still wanna know,” I said quietly, mind still racing with all of this new information. He could see my memories. Not all of them, and not all the time, but at random. He probably knew me better than anyone else. I wanted to know him just as well.

Know him better than Ashere knew him.

He sighed, shaking his head. “I’ll see what I can do,” he said quietly. “It doesn’t happen often, remember. And it’s kind of random, and usually when you’re sleeping.”

“Okay,” I said, just as quietly.

As long as I’d get to see some of his memories. If he was willing to let me.


	15. Re-Meeting

Chapter Fifteen: Re-Meeting

 

I woke encased in warmth. Smiling before I even opened my eyes, I snuggled a little closer to the warm body pressed against my back, an arm wound around my waist. Kieron never snuggled, so I knew I must have done this. I was sometimes like an octopus in my sleep – I gravitated toward the nearest warm body and latched on. He eventually got tired of either attempting to move away and nearly falling off the bed, or trying to push me away, and eventually gave up, slipping an arm around me so we were both more comfortable. I wasn’t sure when this started, but I liked it.

            John and Rufus used to hold me like this sometimes. On those rare occasions I actually woke up next to someone. It used to make me smile, too. Except I knew they were doing it to be polite. I didn’t leave after sex because I was tired, so they offered to let me stay. This happened more often when I went to John’s house than Rufus’. Rufus typically went to my place, and if he did stay the night, he was always gone before I woke up. There was no easy waking next to someone, encased in warmth, which led to breakfast and a comfortable day at home.

            At John’s – John never stayed at my place, I remembered now – I’d wake with an arm around me only very rarely. Otherwise it was usually during the middle of the night. He usually woke before me. Sometimes he fixed bacon and eggs or something for breakfast, and then I always left after. There was no promise of an easy, relaxing day. And after the whole ‘deal’ he made me have with him…

            Waking like this with Kieron was so much better. There was no deal. We didn’t even have sex. We just shared a bed every night we were together. He usually fell asleep first and while drifting off, at some point I’d unconsciously move closer to him. At some point after that, his arm would come around me, whether he was aware of it or not. And then we’d wake the next morning, together. And the day would continue like this, together. Easy, warm, and comfortable.

            The phone was ringing, which snapped me out of my thoughts. I didn’t feel like getting up, but already Kieron was shifting against me, waking up. Sighing, I crawled out from under his arm and out of bed, easing out of the room to snag the phone from its cradle against the kitchen wall, near the kitchen table.

            “Hello?” I asked without looking at the caller ID.

            “Terry,” Tommy said.

            Irritation flowed through me. I was still pissed at those rude comments he made two nights ago, when Kieron and I were supposed to have dinner with him. “What?” I asked.

            “I know you’re mad at me,” he said.

            “You basically said he was using me,” I said, scowling. “It was fucking insulting.”

            “I know, and I’m sorry.”

            “You should be.”

            “It’s just kind of weird, Terry.”

            “What is?” I asked, shoulders tensing. “What’s weird? The fact I’m with a guy? That’s never bothered you before.”

            “What? No, Terry, you know I’m okay with that,” he said, obvious frown in his voice as I walked from the kitchen into the living room, attempting to be as quiet as possible so I wouldn’t wake Kieron further. Hopefully he got back to sleep.

            “Then what’s your deal with him?” I asked. “You were fine with him before dinner.”

            “I just… I don’t know if I trust him.”

            “Trust him,” I echoed, frowning as I stood in the middle of the living room. “You don’t know if you trust him. You let him hold Amanda.”

            “You said it was okay,” he said. “And I trust you.”

            “Then why don’t you trust him if I do?”

            “I just… I feel like you might be a little too close to the situation. You can’t see how he’s treating you.”

            “How he’s treating me,” I repeated, lips pursing into a thin, hard line. “He’s been fucking _sweet_ lately.”

            Very sweet. I still almost wanted to laugh when I used that word to describe him, but it was true. Ever since we came back from the Lake, he’d been so nice and considerate and _sweet_. I liked it. A lot. He still had a rough exterior – it was still there in the scowls and the way he spoke sometimes – but it was like I was finally, _finally_ , breaking through that tough guy act and I _liked_ it.

            He was actually letting me in, I realized. He was getting more comfortable around me. If someone had asked me even a few months ago if Kieron would ever be described as _sweet_ , I would have laughed in their faces. Now, though…

            “He’s keeping you from a life,” Tommy said slowly, like I was a small child who just couldn’t see reason. “Keeping you from making any friends. And you disappear for days and weeks on end, Terry.”

            “So?” I snapped as quietly as I could, still hoping Kieron was asleep. He didn’t need to hear this conversation. Taking it outside wouldn’t help; it was windy and rainy, if the rain pelting against the window said anything about the weather.

            “That’s not good,” he said. “And he said he doesn’t love you. He came right out and _said_ it, Terry. Most people would take that as a hint.”

            “A hint?”

            “He doesn’t love you. He’s using you.”

            “No,” I growled, my free hand clenching into a fist at my side, nails digging into my palm, “he’s not. _John_ was using me. _Rufus_ was using me. Kieron’s _not_.”

            John and Rufus were using me all along. Rufus wanted to have fun and I was, as everyone said, a ‘good bottom’. I knew my place as a bottom. I was never in charge because that was their job. I was just some tool to be used, discarded immediately afterward until I was needed again. I could see that now. Rufus never wanted a relationship. I didn’t either, at the time, but now… looking back on it… It would have been nice if he’d looked at me like Kieron sometimes did. If _anyone_ looked at me like that. Like I _mattered_. Like… Like I was an actual _person_ and not just some tool to be _used_ , and-

            “John’s your best friend,” Tommy said. “You’ve known him for years! And you’re letting your new boyfriend, who doesn’t even _love_ you, come between the two of you.”

            “It’s not like that,” I sighed. “And John’s… not that great of a friend. Not like I thought he was.”

            It was true I knew John for years. I thought we had a good friendship. He cared about me more than Rufus, that was true. Rufus could have killed me just to have a little fun with his ‘surprise sex’. I could have drowned. John never did _that_ to me, but he ignored me when it mattered the most. He didn’t believe me when I told him he needed to let me go, because Kieron was in trouble. He just asked how I knew, and when I couldn’t answer that, he shoved that fucking gag back in my mouth and walked away, leaving me there to stare after him and his betrayal.

            Rufus wanted me for sex. John wanted me for sex.

            Kieron…

            We’d only had sex a few times. A _few_. And he never initiated it. This wasn’t about sex to him. This was different and _better_.

            “You and John were friends for a long time,” Tommy sighed. “I just think you should talk to him, work things out. Don’t let someone new just come between you.”

            “You really have no idea what you’re talking about,” I growled, scrubbing a hand across my face. “And I’m done with this conversation. Kieron’s going to be getting up soon and-”

            “He’s there again?” Tommy asked. “Does he live there or something? Terry, tell me you didn’t let him move in.”

            “As a matter of fact,” I spat, “he _does_ live here. He helped me get this apartment, you asshole! And you don’t have a say in the matter. This is _my_ life and I’ll live it how I damn well want! Leave Kieron out of this!”

            “He’s controlling you,” Tommy said. “You could see that if you got away from him for a while.”

            “I don’t _want_ to get away from him,” I said truthfully.

I disliked being away from him for any length of time, and not just because of the war. Not just because I knew that, when he wasn’t here, he was fighting someone and could potentially be _killed_. Not just because of that, but because I _liked_ being near him. That hum in the back of my mind, the signal of our bond, was louder and warmer the closer he was. When we were touching it was a quiet lullaby to my more angry, rampant emotions, easily calming me. It was a connection we shared that I could never even begin to explain, especially not to Tommy who assumed Kieron was _using_ me. I _knew_ this wasn’t true.

“Why don’t you come stay here for a little while?” Tommy asked. “Lacy would like to see you again, and we can talk.”

“You’re just going to bash Kieron,” I snapped. “No fucking thanks. I can’t believe you’re being such an asshole, Tommy. Kieron’s been nothing but _nice_ to you. I don’t know where you’re coming up with all of these _lies_.”

“What am I _supposed_ to think?” he asked. “You spend all of your time with him, yet when I ask about him, you have nothing to say. You _rarely_ talk about him other than the fact he has a sister, his name, and his relationship with his parents. That’s _all I know about him_. That’s all _you_ know.”

“You don’t know anything,” I growled, anger coursing through my veins, my mind igniting with it. I wasn’t sure if I was angry because of the conversation or the fact my aggressive nature didn’t like anyone bashing Kieron in _any_ way. Either way this was _wrong_ because Tommy was my brother and he should _know_ me better than that.

“Then tell me,” he snapped back, his anger clearly rising as well. This was getting out of control again. “Tell me how he’s _not_ controlling you. Tell me how he’s _not_ using you.”

“I…” I closed my eyes, then. “I can’t.”

I couldn’t, but not because I didn’t have anything to say, but because I _couldn’t_ say anything. It would be too revealing. It would be mentioning the bond, Ethereal, perpetuals… _everything_. And I couldn’t tell him any of this.

“Exactly,” he growled. “Pack a bag, Terry. I’ll be there to get you in an hour.”

“No you won’t,” I said, shoulders drooping, anger dispersing. Now I was just _tired_. Tired because he wouldn’t _listen_. Because my own brother didn’t _believe_ me. “I’m staying here, and so is Kieron. Just because we haven’t said we love each other doesn’t mean he’s using me.”

“He said he _doesn’t_ love you,” he told me. “He didn’t say he couldn’t say it _yet_ , he flat out said he didn’t love _anyone_ , and that includes _you_.”

“Nothing is going to change your mind,” I murmured. “I can’t… I can’t talk to you right now, Tommy. I’m happy Lacy’s okay. Thanks for keeping me updated on her condition. Now I really need to go.”

_Before I punch something, or… or… I don’t even know._

“Terry,” Tommy sighed heavily. “I don’t mean to… I don’t know. I’m not trying to pick a fight. I just… I want what’s best for you.”

“That’s Kieron,” I told him.

“You think it is,” he sighed again, “but you’re wrong. You’ll meet different people. _Better_ people.”

“I won’t,” I said, shaking my head, a sad smile twisting my lips. He would never understand how there would _never_ be a better person. He’d never understand the fact I tied Kieron to my _limbo_ and our minds were _connected_. We could talk telepathically, between two different worlds. I felt his pain as though it were my _own_. My skin itched and burned whenever he was in danger. He’d never understand this bond we shared, how much I _liked_ being around Kieron. He’d never understand how there wouldn’t be _someone else_.

“Terry-”

“Thanks for the concern,” I said quietly. “I appreciate it, Tommy. But I need to go. Please don’t call me again. I’ll… I’ll call you when…” _When I can stand to hear your voice again._

I wasn’t sure how long that’d be. Right now I wanted nothing to do with him. Kieron had been nothing but civil to him and he seemed to _hate_ my perpetual. This was not acceptable.

“Terry, I will be there in an hour,” he promised.

“I’m not going with you,” I said, voice growing louder once more, irritation and _betrayal_ coursing through me. “You better not show up here, or I swear to _God_ , Tommy, I will never talk to you again!”

It was quiet on the other end for a long moment, before he sighed. “You don’t mean that.”

“I do,” I snapped. “Leave me alone for a while.” I took in a breath. “Please.”

“Okay,” he breathed quietly. “Okay, Terry. I’ll… give you some space, but _please_ think about what I said. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

 _You’re the one that’s hurting me!_ I wanted to snap, but I didn’t.

“Bye, Tommy,” I said, ending the call, tossing the phone onto the couch angrily. It bounced harshly off a cushion and slammed into the ground with a loud thud. It didn’t startle me nearly as much as the warm arms which encircled my waist from behind. I took in a breath and leaned into the warm chest, his familiar scent surrounding me. “Hey,” I breathed. “Didn’t, um… mean to wake you.”

“You can go to Tommy’s if you want,” Kieron replied.

I stiffened. “You… How much did you hear?”

“Enough,” he sighed. “He doesn’t like me.”

“I don’t know why,” I told him, shaking my head. “I really don’t. He’s just being such an _ass_.”

“He’s worried about you,” Kieron said. “You have to see it from his perspective. You disappear for days and weeks, months on end. The only thing you say when you come back was that you were with _me_. You stopped talking to your friends, and you told him it was after you met me. I said I don’t love anyone. It makes sense.”

“No,” I said, “it doesn’t.”

“He’s just looking out for you.”

“I don’t care. He should trust me.”

Kieron didn’t reply.

I took in a breath and turned, his arms loosening enough to allow me to do so, until the two of us were facing. I placed my arms around his neck, leaning into him, sighing heavily as I closed my eyes and rested my face against his shoulder.

“Thanks for… everything,” I said quietly.

He grunted in response. “You seemed tense.”

“Yeah,” I breathed somewhat shakily, “you could say that again. He thinks I know nothing about you because… because I can’t tell him anything.”

“I know,” he said.

“But I can’t tell him because he won’t even believe me,” I said. “He’ll just think I’m crazy. Plus, you know, it might put him in danger.”

He hummed in response.

“Sorry he’s such an ass to you,” I told him.

“It’s okay,” he told me. “It’s understandable.”

_It’s not._

“Are you hungry?” he asked me.

I pulled away from his shoulder, opening my eyes, frowning at him. “Are you?”

“I could eat,” he said.

“What’d you have in mind?”

“Get dressed,” he said, releasing me.

“We’re going out?”

“You’re the one who seemed upset by the fact we haven’t gone to eat together,” he said, shrugging. “I just assumed you wanted to remedy it.”

I grinned, warmth ebbing through me, chasing away the irritation remaining from my conversation with Tommy. “I’d like that,” I said. “Be right back.”

I left him standing there as I hurried into the bedroom and pulled on some clean clothes.

 

“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” I said, unable to stop grinning as the waiter hurried away to retrieve our drinks.

The restaurant he took me to was _nice_. No ties required, thankfully, but everyone was still dressed nicely. The atmosphere was dimly lit and quiet, peaceful and comfortable. I liked it. We were seated at a table, sitting across from each other in a dark corner, soft music playing in the background. Occasionally I heard water splashing from the window behind me, cars driving by outside.

“Where did you even find this place?”

He shrugged. “I saw it the other day. The food smelled good.”

I nodded. “I see. Thanks for taking me,” I said, before laughing. “This is a date, Kie.”

He scowled. “I don’t think so. We’re just having lunch.”

It was a little after noon, after all. The food here _did_ smell good. I could see why he’d pick it going by his sense of smell alone.

“It’s a date,” I told him.

“It’s not.”

“It _is_ ,” I said, grinning. “Our first one.”

He rolled his eyes. “Just lunch.”

“Date.”

The waiter chose then to bring us our drinks, effectively making me the winner of this argument. I sat back, satisfied, as Kieron ordered appetizers. Boneless wings with ranch dressing.

While the waiter left to call the appetizer in, we looked through our menus.

The food here was all so _expensive_.

My eyes widened. “I can’t afford this,” I said quietly.

“I got it,” he said.

“ _You_ have money?”

“You forget I used to come here a lot,” he said. “As a gatekeeper. Sometimes I’d be here for a while, so I traded in some favors and got some money. Now I have a fairly large stash which I never use.”

“Favors,” I echoed, frowning at him. “What kind of favors?”

I knew what Ethereal’s _favors_ were like, after all. It was their currency. The bigger the bill, the bigger the favor. We stayed at a hotel in Ethereal, once, and the price was Kieron practically being raped on a daily basis while we were there. This purple mixture was used on him, which left perpetuals automatically aroused and unable to control themselves. While at the hotel, a lady in the gift shop gave me some, and I’d tried some on to see what it did. Kieron nearly jumped me, but stopped before demanding I take it off before he lost control.

When I learned the others were making him pay for our stay by using that on him… making him have sex with them…

“Relax,” Kieron snapped, blue eyes narrowing at me, tearing me from my thoughts. “You’re going to break your glass.”

I looked down to find my hand wrapped so tightly around my glass of soda that my knuckles were sheet white. I hadn’t even realized I’d been tensing so much. “Sorry,” I breathed. “How did… you turn in these favors?”

“If you’re going to be on Earth a lot,” he said, “for gatekeeping, you can trade in some of your favors, or _money_ , for human money. I didn’t really have to do anything. It’s like going to a new country – you can exchange your money for the currency used there.”

I nodded. That made sense. My body relaxed a little. “Oh, okay.” As long as he didn’t do anything like _that_ again.

The waiter approached us, then, with our appetizers. I realized I hadn’t looked over my menu yet, not really, and quickly skimmed through it, searching for something to order.

 

_Guard duty._

_Gatekeeping._

_Either way you put it, it sucked. I hated it. All I did was pace back and forth, between Ethereal and Earth, and then go to another gate where I would then repeat the process. It left little room for anything else. I spent most of my time traveling. If I had any friends, I’d feel like I was neglecting them. Fortunately I wasn’t human, nor was I a normal Etherian. Friends meant little to a perpetual._

_Did I have friends? Perhaps Ashere. I’d known him for centuries. But again, I was not a being who had friends. Even if perpetuals had friends, I was not among those to have them. I was… **different**._

_Which was fine, really. Whatever._

_So, I spent most of my time traveling and guarding the gates. Occasionally I chased away humans and screamers. Screamers liked to rest near the gateways. They were carnivorous, and while rare, it wasn’t unheard of for them to devour humans. Humans’ bodies held certain nutrients which, to the deprived screamers, was something well sought-after. Not to mention they enjoyed the bloodshed and human cries of pain._

_As per usual, I started in Ethereal. Some Etherians got curious about the gateways and tried to travel to Earth, but most were not permitted to do so, and thus the areas were usually guarded by a gatekeeper – in this case, me. This was one of my areas._

_Eventually I traveled to Earth via the gateway, far too used to the pull of the fabric of reality, the entry point between two worlds, once united but now entirely separate. How this was possible I didn’t really know – it had never been my strong suit. Those hadn’t been my areas of study._

_In fact, I never really went to ‘school’, exactly. Not like other Etherians did. Not even like Kleo, or Ashere._

_No, I had personal training, as it was called. And in personal training, I was taught the basics of math, reading, and most importantly, combat. From there I went to more extensive combat training, and pain management as well as pain tolerance. From there I was taught the finer arts of healing, and the aftereffects of such a thing._

_As those were my areas of expertise, I wasn’t sure how Ethereal came to be, or why these gateways had to be guarded as such. But it wasn’t my place to ask questions. Those who did typically went missing. While no one spoke of it, everyone knew what happened. It was the fate every perpetual feared, because while we couldn’t be killed, there were ways of ‘silencing’ us, so to speak._

_A quick shiver crawled down my spine and I scowled, beginning to turn back to head through the gateway when a scent caught my nose. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have been able to smell it. I was downwind and almost through the gateway. I shouldn’t have been able to catch the scent, and yet I did. This caused me to turn my head sharply, and then I heard the faint patter of footsteps._

_A growl forming in my throat, I stepped away from the gateway and moved in the direction of the sound. The closer I got, the stronger the scent became, and I caught the whiff of alcohol. While not entirely a human beverage, the effects of it didn’t work on me, and thus I steered clear of it. I didn’t enjoy the taste and I couldn’t enjoy the sensation, so why bother?_

_But this… this **human** had apparently had a lot, if the stench was anything to go by._

_My foot landed on a twig, crushing it beneath me. The human’s head spun around before he continued walking._

_A second later, I was flying forward, snarling as I came out of the darkness and tackled him to the ground. I pinned him to the ground, knees jamming into his ribs, eyes flashing as I stared down at him._

_What was…?_

_A growl wrenched free of my throat and the human’s dark eyes widened as he stared up at me. His heart raced in fear – the sound was loud to my suddenly sensitive ears. His scent wrapped around me, filling my nose, gliding against my taste buds, and it took all I had not to lash out at him._

_I should have._

_I was **supposed** to. I was supposed to attack – kill – whoever got too close, and this guy was definitely too close._

_This was my job._

_My **job**._

_The thing I’d been doing since I finished training. The thing I’d been raised – born – to do._

_And yet…_

_My hands grabbed his arms, pinning them over his head as he continued to stare at me. I was vaguely aware that I was half-transformed, my more animalistic features showing, but that didn’t matter. He couldn’t see me – none of the humans could. For all he knew, I was a psychotic human just like him._

_A sound danced into my ears and I growled again. The human struggled, and I removed one of my hands from his arms to place it over his mouth, trapping the sound inside._

_**What are you doing? This is your job. Kill him** , my mind said, and it was right._

_I wasn’t sure why this human wasn’t dead yet._

_Even so, I felt my features morph again, back into my more natural, human look, though I was anything but human. “Don’t say a word,” I hissed, glaring at him._

_He nodded, eyes wide as he continued to stare up at me, heart thrumming in fear._

_Finally, the sound passed and I looked back down at him._

_“I’m going to let you up. But if you try to run… If you try to run, I will catch you. And you’ll wish you were dead. Understand?”_

_He nodded quickly._

_I sighed and nodded as well, rolling away from him, releasing him from my hold. I kept my eyes narrowed and locked on him, though, just in case he **did** try to run._

_**Kill him.**_

_My mind was very insistent._

_The very **animalistic** instinct thrumming through me agreed with this._

_**Kill him. Kill him. Kill. Kill. Kill. Now. Do it now. Kill.**_

_I wasn’t aware I was pacing until the human got to his feet and watched me._

_“You shouldn’t have come here,” I said darkly. “You really shouldn’t have. We kill intruders.”_

_He flinched, heart still racing somewhat, but it was calmer than before. “I didn’t mean to,” he said quietly, honestly._

_“You reek of alcohol. All you humans think alcohol gives you an excuse to do anything you want.” I sneered, glaring. “You disgust me.”_

_“I’m sorry, I just – humans? What do you mean? What the hell **are** you?”_

_A part of me wondered if he **had** seen me. But that was ridiculous. He was human and humans knew nothing of my kind, and could not, would not, see us._

_“I would bite your tongue if I were you, human,” I said lowly. “Or I might just go ahead and follow through with the rules and kill you.”_

_My mind instantly imagined the sensation of ripping through flesh, biting into skin, watching blood pour from open wounds…_

_**Kill him. Kill him. Kill, kill, kill.**_

_“I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “I just… I was just taking a short cut! I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to be here! There’s no signs!”_

_“I don’t care about your signs. We own this territory. Outsiders are to be killed on sight.”_

_**Kill. Kill.**_

_The human swallowed and took in a breath. “So… why didn’t you kill me?”_

_I snorted. “Don’t think I won’t. Let’s just say if I kill you, other humans will come here looking for you and then we’d have to leave or kill mass amounts of people.” I shook my head. “Sorry, doesn’t sound like **fun** to me.”_

_**Lies. Kill him. Kill him now!**_

_“We?” he asked, frowning at me._

_“You think I’m the only one out here?” I asked, struggling to ignore that incessant voice in my head, but it was getting louder._

_I’d fought it for years – centuries, even. I could keep fighting it. But it was so loud, so insistent… why so insistent about this human?_

_And why was I **fighting** it? This was protocol. It was okay to kill this human! And obviously that was what my instincts wanted._

_So why was I fighting it?_

_“Well… I don’t know! I didn’t know anyone was even out here in the first place,” the human said, shaking his head. “What are you doing out here? Why? Since when?”_

_I narrowed my eyes. “If I told you, I’d have to kill you.”_

_“Hah hah. Wait… you’re joking right?” the human asked quietly, glancing me over. I simply blinked back at him, holding his gaze. “I won’t tell anyone you’re here.”_

_“You bet you won’t.”_

_A branch snapped in the distance. A scent wrapped around me._

_Before I knew it was I stepping forward._

_The human’s eyes widened. “Murder isn’t the answer,” he said weakly, voice somewhat scratchy._

_“Shut up,” I snapped._

_“I-”_

_“If you want to **live** , then shut the hell **up**.” _

_The human snapped his mouth shut and stood there silently._

_Close. Too close._

_My breath ghosted across his face. I could hear the tremor of his breaths, smell the alcohol so thickly._

_“What are-” the human started again, but I cut him off with a swift jab to the chest, the side of my hand colliding with him. The human hissed in pain even though it wasn’t a hard hit._

_I guess I forgot how weak humans were._

_“Be. Quiet.”_

_The human stared at me but stayed quiet._

_Moments passed. Finally the sound disappeared, the scent vanished, and all that remained was the two of us. I stepped away. “They’re gone,” I said. “For now.”_

_**Kill him. Now.**_

**_No._ **

_Why wasn’t he dead yet?_

_Why wasn’t I ripping through his flesh? For once the law was on my side. I would be in the right if I killed him now. I was in the wrong by not doing so._

_And yet he was still breathing._

_“Gone? Who?” the human asked._

_I looked him up and down, wondering why he was still alive, before I shook my head. “I suggest you leave before they come back.”_

_Then I spun on my heel and started back toward the trees._

_“What? Hey, wait a minute!”_

_I couldn’t believe this human was actually running after me, but he was._

_“What’s going on?” he asked. “What do you mean? Who’s coming back?”_

_“Get out of here,” I threw over my shoulder, moving into the trees._

_The human stopped and I kept going._

_Absently I wondered if he had enough sense to get out of the trees, but then again, this was a human I was talking about._

 

I woke with a gasp, sweat beading my brow as I instantly sat up. Kieron shifted next to me, body brushing against my own as he, too, sat up and turned the bedside lamp on, illuminating the room.

            “What’s wrong?” he asked.

            I shook my head, unable to speak for the time being because _what the hell_. The dream was so _real_ , echoed with such _familiarity_ … Like I was living it, like I _lived_ it, like it was a _memory_ , and yet I knew it couldn’t be. I’d been looking down at _myself_. Telling _myself_ to be quiet if I wanted to live.

            It was familiar because I had a memory almost exactly like it, on the night Kieron and I first met, our brief collision in the woods before my life was thrown into disarray. Except this wasn’t my memory.

            “I just…” I sucked in a deep breath, looking at him. “I just saw one of your memories.”

            “Saw a memory?” he echoed, and then nodded slowly, looking away. “You said you wanted to see them. I… attempted to break down my mental block should our minds choose to share memories again.”

            I took another deep breath, calming down. “That’s awesome,” I said, smiling at him. “It was _weird_ because I was looking at _myself_ and yet those thoughts weren’t my own, but… but it was _awesome_.”

            He eyed me carefully. “What did you see?”

            “The night we first met,” I told him, smile growing. I couldn’t stop it. “You… You wanted to kill me. And yet… you _didn’t_ want to kill me. Is… Why…”

            “Oh,” he sighed, “ _that_ memory.”

            “Yeah,” I said, watching him, frown dispersing somewhat. “Did… Did your mind really… Was there a part of you that was really so focused on _killing_ me?”

            It was a scary thought. That part of his mind had been very determined, almost psychotic, in the way it wanted me dead. Except he didn’t kill me. Even though it was his _job_ , he _didn’t_ kill me.

            “I’m bred for violence,” he said, looking at the covers beneath us. “Kind of comes with the territory. And it was my job to kill you.”

            “But you didn’t,” I breathed.

            “No,” he sighed, shaking his head, “I didn’t.”

            I threw my arms around him, probably surprising both of us at the sudden movement. “Thanks for sharing a memory with me,” I said quietly, warmth trailing through me. “I appreciate it, Kie.”

            “Wasn’t my doing,” he said. “I have no control over it.”

            “I know,” I said, “but thanks. It means a lot.”


	16. With a Bang

Chapter Sixteen: With A Bang

 

I woke up a few days later to silence and a lack of warmth pressed against me. Rolling over, my fingers knocked against cold covers and I frowned, because it wasn’t really computing yet. Kieron should have been there. I sat up and listened, but couldn’t hear him moving anywhere in the apartment. “Kieron?” I called, getting out of bed.

            “In here,” he called back.

            I exited the bedroom and found him in the living room, sitting on the couch with Ashere. I tried to hide my scowl but felt it turn my lips down nevertheless. My good mood of the past few days seemed to vanish the second I saw him, not only because I wasn’t particularly fond of him, but because he wouldn’t show up without a reason.

            I sat heavily next to Kieron on the couch, sighing. “What’s going on?”

            “Dettere wants to see me,” Kieron said.

            I sighed again. “Great. When are we leaving?”

            “Just Kieron,” Ashere said. “Dettere wasn’t too happy with your involvement last time. He specifically requested that you stay behind.”

            I looked across Kieron at him, narrowing my eyes. “He can tell me that himself, then,” I said. “I’m going.”

            I didn’t like Ashere, so I wasn’t sure if I trusted him. I didn’t think he’d put Kieron in danger, exactly, but that didn’t mean I trusted him to tell me when I was ‘specifically requested’ to stay behind.

            “I won’t be long,” Kieron said. “A few days at the most.” He watched me for a moment. “In the meantime, you should try to work things out with your brother.”

            I scowled, shifting uneasily against the cushions. “I don’t want to talk to him right now,” I said. Tommy thankfully hadn’t tried to talk to me since I told him to leave me alone for a while. That was a few days ago. “I’m still going with you.”

            Kieron sighed, shaking his head. “It would be best if you stayed here. It’s time to get back to work anyway.”

            I had a stay-at-home computer job which I could do whenever, but he was right – I had been neglecting it ever since we came back from the Lake, in lieu of spending time with him instead. He also needed to get back to work, I was sure – gatekeeping and training people for the war and everything. It was important. But he was still being hunted, for various reasons now.

            “I’m tired of staying behind,” I told him.

            He scowled, features contorting. “You’re staying,” he said, before looking at Ashere. “I’ll be ready as soon as I pack.”

            Ashere nodded. “Okay, make it quick. Dettere can be quite impatient.”

            Kieron nodded and got to his feet. I jumped up as well and followed him back into the bedroom, where he pulled out his usual duffel and began stuffing clothes into it. “I’m still going,” I said.

            He tossed me a quick glance. “You’re not,” he said. “It’s safer this way.”

            “I don’t care.”

            He sighed, shaking his head. “Stop making things difficult. You’re staying here. Talk to your brother while I’m gone, and I’ll be back in a few days.”

            “Kieron-”

            Blue eyes narrowed, watching me closely. “I’m serious, human. You’re staying here.”

            “Why?”

            “You know why.”

            “I don’t want to be protected all the time,” I said. “I thought you understood that by now.”

            “You’re staying here. You don’t need to come with me every time. I am only going to train some people and talk to Dettere,” he said, zipping his bag closed. “You’re staying here.”

            “But, Kie-”

            He cut me off with a sharp glance. “No buts, human. You’re staying, end of story.”

            He turned, then, and walked out of the room. I took in a slow breath. I knew he was serious, and I knew I couldn’t always go with him, but I hated being left behind all the time. In a way, he was right; it was time to get back to work, and I didn’t need to go with him all the time. But I wanted to. I didn’t like staying here. The apartment felt… less _warm_ without him here, somehow.

            I entered the living room to find him standing near the door with Ashere.

            “I still say I should go,” I said quietly.

            He glanced at me. “Stay,” he said. “I’ll be back in a few days.”

            I sighed, scrubbing a hand across my face. “Fine,” I muttered, “but keep the bond open. I don’t want to have to fight to contact you.”

            He rolled his eyes as Ashere opened the door. “Talk to your brother,” he said before he and Ashere left, the door closing quietly behind them.

            I sighed, alone in the apartment for the first time in a while. I looked around; it felt so empty. So… _different_. So different from how it was even just a moment ago. But that was crazy because Kieron didn’t change the apartment. It was just the bond, enjoying his proximity, that gentle hum in the back of my mind, irritated thoughts carefully brushing against my own. It was closed off now, like it always was when we were apart. He didn’t like to be distracted, after all. Even though I told him to keep it open so we could talk.

            Hopefully he’d still hear me if I tried to contact him.

            My stomach growled.

            Perhaps I’d start off today with breakfast.

            Alone at the table, instead of eating with Kieron like had been doing for a week now. A week of easy relaxation. I missed it already.

 

I didn’t plan on talking to Tommy. I also wasn’t planning on following Kieron’s orders by talking to him. Except that was what happened.

            I shifted nervously as I waited for Tommy’s car to roll to a stop outside of my apartment. We were going to go eat, and _talk_. The food I could use; it was late evening and I hadn’t eaten since breakfast. The conversation… I could really do without that. I couldn’t hide from him forever, though. Even if I _did_ kind of want to punch him when I got in the car, buckling my seatbelt as we pulled away from the curb.

            “Hey,” he said quietly.

            I grunted in response, gaze focused out the passenger window. Amanda was at home with Lacy, so it was just the two of us.

            “Where’s Kieron?” he asked.

            “What do you care?” I shot back, still not looking at him.

            He sighed heavily as we stopped at a red light. “I didn’t mean to offend either of you.”

            “Well, you did. You were an ass and you need to apologize to him.”

            “Terry.”

            I looked at him, glaring. “I’m serious,” I said. “That was beyond rude, Tommy. He’s my boyfriend; show him a little respect. He’s been nothing but nice to you. Return the favor.”

            “I can be civil,” he sighed, shaking his head as we rolled through a green light. “I just don’t think he’s right for you.”

            “If I want your opinion, I’ll ask for it.”

            “I’m just looking out for you.”

            “I’m not a kid anymore,” I said, watching him. “Time to stop.”

            “You’ll always be my little brother.”

            “I know,” I sighed, looking away. “But please be nice to him. Whatever you think he’s doing to me… using me, controlling me… You have to know you’re wrong.”

            “Am I?”

            “Yes,” I said.

            “He doesn’t love you.”

            “I don’t love him,” I said. “You know how I feel about that. He’s the same way.”

            _Kind of. In a way. Maybe._

            “I don’t want to argue,” he said. “I just want to talk and have a good time. Where is he, again?”

            “Work,” I said. “Um… the Marines, remember?”

            “Right. Kieron the Marine.” He paused, then. “What’s his last name?”

            I blinked at him. “Excuse me?”

            _Oh, fuck._

            I didn’t know his last name. It never came up. Did perpetuals even _have_ last names? I couldn’t think of anyone ever using one.

            “His last name,” Tommy said, looking at me briefly. “What is it?”

            “Why?”

            “You _do_ know it, right?”

            I glared. “Of course I do,” I snapped, even though I honestly had _no fucking idea_.

            _Kieron, I could really use your help right now. Are you listening? Kie?_

            “Then what is it?” Tommy asked.

            _Kieron, please!_

            “Why do you want to know?”

            “You don’t know it,” he said, watching me briefly, “do you?”

            “I know it,” I growled.

            _Kieron!_

_**What?**_

            I nearly sagged in relief. _Tommy wants to know your last name and I’m freaking out because I don’t know what it is, and he’s going to just think I don’t know you at all!_

_**Human. Really?**_

**** _Help me! What is it?_

“What is it?” Tommy asked.

            **_Perpetuals don’t have last names. Make something up if you must._**

            “Archer,” I said. “Kieron Archer.”

            _Thanks, Kie._

_**Mm. I’m shutting the bond now; in the middle of training.**_

**** _Okay, Kie. Thanks._

            “Archer,” he said. “And it took you that long to tell me?”

            “Why is it so important?” I shot back, glaring at him.

            He shook his head as we pulled into a parking lot. “We’re here.”

            I looked up as we climbed out of the car, a slow smile spreading across my face despite our previous conversation. Roscoe’s Pizzeria was a small pizza place we used to visit a lot after he and Lacy moved to this town. Whenever I stayed with them for a few days, since I used to live in a different town, we used to eat here every time. I almost forgot about it in the chaos that was my life now, but I was happy to see Tommy still remembered it.

            We sat in a comfortable booth near the back of the dining area, next to a window so we could overlook the parking lot. It wasn’t much of a view but it was still fun to people watch sometimes. It reminded me of when I was little and we used to go places as a _family_ , before Mom died and before I realized I was gay and my dad decided he just couldn’t quite accept that.

            But I didn’t want to think about that right now.

            “So how did you and Kieron meet?” Tommy asked conversationally as the waitress walked away to get our drinks.

            I blinked at him. “What?”

            I had no idea how to answer that. Absolutely _no idea_. I’d have to like. I’d have to lie about _everything_ and make things up, just like with Kieron’s last name. I suddenly felt so dirty and wrong. Why did I have to lie about everything?

            “Remember when I asked about the woods?”

            _Might as well weave in some truth._

            Tommy narrowed his eyes. “Don’t tell me you met him there.”

            I shrugged. “I did, but it’s not what you’re thinking.”

            “How is it not what I’m thinking?” he asked.

            “It’s just not,” I told him, eager to see that Kieron wasn’t the bad guy here. “You think he’s a bad person because we met there. But he saved me.”

            “Saved you,” Tommy echoed, eyes narrowing further. “And how, exactly, did he do that?”

            “I was attacked in the woods,” I said. This was still very fresh on my mind after sharing Kieron’s memory of it. He was supposed to kill me but instead kept me quiet until it was safe for me to move again. Even back then, he was always _saving_ me. Warmth ebbed through me, causing me to smile. “He saved me.”

            “Attacked?” Tommy’s brows furrowed. “Is that why you were asking all those questions about it?”

            “Yeah,” I said. “People there were crazy. Anyway, he saved me by knocking me to the ground and keeping me out of sight while these… crazy people walked by and everything. They would have killed me, I think.”

            I was actually pretty sure they _would_ have killed me, but I left that part out.

            “So he tackled me, and I thought he was crazy, you know?” I shrugged. “But he saved me, and… Well, one thing led to another. We eventually wound up back at my place a few days later, after John’s party and everything.” I shook my head. “Anyway, that’s how we met. Left a very vivid first impression.”

            “I’d imagine,” he said, watching me.

            The waitress reappeared then, putting our drinks down in front of us before pulling out her ticket book to take our orders.

            After we ordered, Tommy looked at me again, chewing on his lower lip before he sighed, shoulders drooping somewhat. “I’ll try to be nicer to Kieron,” he said. “I still don’t… I don’t really like him, I still think he’s wrong for you, but it’s clear you like him. And he did save your life, if you’re telling the truth, so I kind of owe him.”

            “He saved my life,” I said.

            _More than once. Too many times to count._

            He sighed, shaking his head. “Then I’ll be more civil. As an apology, I’d like you and Kieron to join Lacy and I for dinner when he gets back.”

            I watched him for a long moment, his words not really computing. “What?”

            He wanted Kieron to come to his place for dinner, as an _apology_? I was happy he was finally starting to see that Kieron wasn’t the bad guy, and he’d agreed to at least be civil toward him, but having Kieron to go his place for dinner…

            “I’ll see what I can do,” I said. “He’s usually tired when he gets back. Um… training and all that, you know? Drills. It’s very exhausting.”

            This was mostly true. He was usually tired when he came back from Ethereal. He was also in a war, though. A war I couldn’t mention to Tommy.

            And again with all the lies…

            “Let me know,” he said. “I’ll be completely civil.”

            I nodded. “Thanks, Tommy. I really appreciate it.”

            He smiled. “Anything for my little brother.”

            I smiled back until I stiffened, my limbs igniting, skin ablaze. It took all I had not to groan aloud as I rubbed my hands up and down my arms, closing my eyes. I heard Tommy talking, asking me questions, but all I could focus on was-

            _Run._

            The word burned through my mind, neither my own thought or even Kieron’s. Instead it was pure instinct, and in the next second I was jumping to my feet. Tommy raced after me as I quickly moved to leave the pizzeria. The closer I got to the crowd by the front, a group having just arrived, the more cold inside I felt, and yet the more hot outside I felt, a battle of too many conflicting sensations for me to even begin to comprehend. All I knew was I needed to get _out_ of there, _now_.

            **_Human, where are you?_**

            _Kie, what’s going on? Where are you? Are you okay? What’s_ -

            I stepped into a warm, solid body. Arms instantly encircled me, fingers tangling in my clothes as I was hauled forward and then behind that same warm body. The second we connected, this sense of _ease_ slid over me. I knew who it was without looking.

            “Kie, what’s happening?” I whispered.

            Kieron kept me carefully behind him as he took a step back, causing me to do so as well. “When I say run,” he growled beneath his breath, “you run, do you hear me?”

            “Kie, what’s-”

            Tommy stood in front of Kieron now, glaring at him. “What’s going on? I thought you were in training or something? Why do you both look so…?” The anger melted from his face, brows furrowing with worry instead. “What’s wrong?”

            “Terry,” Kieron said slowly, “take your brother and go home. Now.”

            “Kie-”

            “ _Now_ ,” he snapped.

            I reached for Tommy’s wrist only because I knew if I didn’t, something bad would happen. With the way my skin was itching even though Kieron was right in front of me, perfectly _fine_ , told me something was very _wrong_ about this situation. I carefully pulling Tommy toward me until he, too, was behind Kieron.

            The doors to the pizzeria blew open. Literally. They _blew open_ , smoke filtering out of the building due to the small explosion in the doorway. Kieron forced the two of us to move backward a little more as he took another step back himself, arms spread out before him, covering us.

            “Go,” Kieron said. “Run!”

            “Terry,” Tommy said somewhat shakily, “what’s going-”

            Kieron growled and stepped toward the approaching… _something_. It looked human, but Kieron wouldn’t be this worked up over a _human_. He wouldn’t have hurried all the way here, without even letting me know, unless this was _something_. Something bad.

            The guy looked normal enough, with short-cropped brown hair, pale skin and dark eyes. He looked just like everyone else. Instantly I was reminded of the Master, and how _normal_ he looked. He didn’t look like he’d be a major villain in any form of the word, and yet he was now responsible for two wars in Ethereal. This guy looked even _more_ normal.

            He even had a _gun_ , which he raised to aim at… _me_.

            It was carefully aimed over Kieron’s shoulder. I stood a few paces behind him now, since he’d stepped forward to confront the guy. The bullet could easily miss him and hit me, or Tommy, who stood next to me, staring at the guy.

            “Oh my God,” Tommy breathed, “he’s got a fucking gun!”

            “Terry,” Kieron hisses sharply, “ _go_.”

            I grabbed Tommy’s wrist again, easing him backward, toward his car. “Kie, c’mon,” I said.

            “Go,” Kieron snapped.

            “I’m not leaving you here,” I snapped back.

            “He’s got a gun,” Tommy said again.

            I didn’t see the guy’s finger curl around the trigger. Instead all I saw was Kieron snarling as he turned quickly, palm slammed into my chest, shoving me backward so hard I tripped and landed on my ass, but not before I saw his eyes widen, saw his body sway with the impact, and heard Tommy’s cry of shock.

            I sat up just as Kieron was turning stiffly. Tommy stared at him. Anyone else would have been dead, or at least on the ground right now. Kieron just took a bullet to the _back_. _Where_ on the back, I had no idea, but I knew he’d been hit. I felt the pain echo through me before he carefully concealed it so I hoped that meant it wasn’t bad. There wasn’t any steam in the air so I took that as a good sign, too.

            In the next second, though, my perpetual was lunging forward as the gun fired again. I didn’t hear the bullet leave the chamber and knew there was a silencer on the small hand pistol, but I watched again, in slow motion, as his body jerked as the bullet slammed into his chest.

            He staggered into the guy as the gun fired _again_.

            _“Kieron_ ,” I choked, hurrying forward. Or, at least, I tried to, but Tommy held me back.

            “Oh, God,” he said, voice shaky and rough, “Oh, _fuck_ , Terry, you stay put!”

            “Let go!” I snapped. “Kie!”

            “Get out of here,” said a new voice.

I looked over to see Ashere and Blaine approaching us from the side, their gazes narrowed at Kieron and the guy with the gun. Kieron’s hands easily wrapped around the guy’s arm, slamming him backward into the broken door, and a second later Ashere and Blaine were flying forward to help. The guy just _laughed_. Laughed as he was slammed into the door so harshly it left dents in the brick beyond it, laughed as he was hit by a _perpetual_.

_Oh, God._

Blaine didn’t make it to Kieron, though.

Instead she was slammed into from behind. The sudden steam was so thick in the air I almost didn’t realize what happened. Not until-

Ashere went to his knees, and everything was drowned out in his scream. Kieron hit the ground next to him, his hands clawing at his head, face pale and contorted, splotched with blood.

And together they _screamed_.

My legs shook. I would have collapsed too if it weren’t for Tommy’s hands holding me up, dragging me backward, toward the car. All I could do was stare at Kieron, pale and in pain on the ground, the steam thick in the air. All I could hear was Ashere’s pitiful wail, so loud and so overwhelming. All I could feel was this _pain_ , this pain deep inside of my mind, in the _bond_.

I could never feel it when a perpetual lost a life, even though I was bound to Kieron and I felt phantom aches of his pain. This pain never seemed to really transfer between us, and yet right now, it _did_. Because it _hurt_. It hurt him that _much_ and nothing he did could possibly hide it.

Because the closer you were to the perpetual in question… the more it hurt.

“T- _erry_ ,” Kieron gasped, one eye clenched shut in pain, the other barely open to look at me. It was then I noticed the guy approaching me and Tommy, gun still raised.

“Walk,” the guy said with this deep, flat tone. His face was completely devoid of emotion. Behind him stood someone else, holding a golden blade. I was only vaguely aware of it, still listening to Ashere’s pitiful cry, still seeing Kieron attempt to make his way toward me despite the blood he was losing at an alarming rate.

“ _Kie_ ,” I gasped, locking eyes with him.

“I only need you,” the guy said. “Not this one.”

 _Not this…_?

My first instinct was to rush to Kieron. He was going to use the blade on my perpetual just like that other guy did to Blaine. But instead I saw him raising his gun to my left.

My heart stuttered. Kieron snarled but I wasn’t looking at him.

 _“No!_ ”

My plea was drowned out by the sound of the gun firing.


	17. Whirlwind

Chapter Seventeen: Whirlwind

 

That was what surrounded me. Consciousness slid around me slowly, a hesitant snake slithering through me with the slippery touch of cold reality. Something gnawed at my mind – unease, regret, _wrongness_. I didn’t want to wake up. Something bad happened. That was all I knew.

I couldn’t remember why I was reluctant to open my eyes. Something bad happened, but what?

My eyes flew open, my body instantly attempting to sit up. Light flooded my vision, unwanted and unpleasant, and I snapped my eyes closed again, wincing as I shakily attempting to catch my breath, dread flooding through me.

“Kie?” I whispered.

“Good,” came a familiar voice, but not Kieron’s. “You’re awake.”

I opened my eyes to see Bekkah now standing in front of me. I was in my bedroom, I realized slowly, in my bed, sitting up. The room was otherwise empty, and she looked tired. She rarely _ever_ looked tired, which meant something bad really _did_ happen.

“Where’s Kieron?” I asked. “He’s…”

_Kie, are you okay? Kieron!_

He needed to answer me right now. Instead my thoughts knocked around in my own mind, the bridge between us effectively shut down, and panic thrummed through me anew. I threw my legs over the side of the bed and attempted to stand, but suddenly Bekkah was pushing me back down, moving too quickly for me to realize.

“Stay down,” she said. “You did a number on yourself.”

“What happened?” I breathed, looking at her. “Is Kieron okay?”

“You can’t tell?” she asked, quirking a brow.

I swallowed, attempting to reel in my more shaky thoughts in an attempt to connect with my perpetual. He always had to let me in if I wanted to talk to him, since he had better mind control, but there was usually always something there. _Something_. A hum in the back of my mind. It was… unnervingly absent right now.

_Oh, God._

“Tell me he’s okay,” I said, attempting to stand again.

“It messed with your bond,” she said slowly, nodding to herself. “Interesting.”

“What did?” I snapped. “Where’s Kieron?”

“He’s fine,” she said, waving me off, and all those tense muscles suddenly relaxed.

“What’s going on? What happened?”

_What do you mean, it messed with our bond?_

Was that even possible?

_Kieron, where are you? Answer me, okay?_

Bekkah watched me for a long moment, seemingly noticing the anxiety on my face as the second ticked by and I didn’t receive an answer. He said he’d keep a portion of the bond open so he could hear me. If so, why wasn’t he answering?

“What do you remember?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” I told her, “that’s why I’m asking.”

“You were attacked,” she said simply. “At a pizzeria.”

And just like that, the memories flooded back. Me and Tommy in the car, and then at the pizzeria. He agreed to give Kieron a chance and to be civil to him, and invited the two of us to his place for dinner. After that it was kind of a blur. Something about running; I remembered desperately needed to get away from somewhere. Then a gun, at some point. Kieron, on his knees. Screaming. Steam in the air.

“He’s okay, right?” I asked quietly, looking at her again.

She nodded. “He’s, er… healing.”

Then that was why he wouldn’t answer me. His mind, as well as his body, entered this sort of trance when he was healing from serious injuries. The kind that left him basically _dead_ , because if the damage was bad enough, he had to _die_ to _heal_. It was crazy and I always, _always_ , hated seeing it happen.

“How bad?” I asked.

“He got shot a few times,” she said. “And stabbed.”

 _Stabbed_.

Images of a golden blade shot through my mind. The steam in the air. The way he screamed… the way… _Ashere_ screamed…

_Someone died._

But it wasn’t Kieron, because Bekkah said he was healing. I’d also know if he was dead. It would explain my hesitance to wake up, but I knew it would be so much worse than what I was feeling right now. My bond would scream with it, ignite my skin or something. I’d know if he was gone.

 _Gone_.

I closed my eyes, attempting to brush away those lingering images of his still body on the ground, steam in the air and blood on his lips. It would forever haunt me.

“Who died?” I asked quietly.

“We… We lost Blaine,” Bekkah murmured. I opened my eyes to find her looking at the ground, shifting somewhat uneasily.

I remembered Ashere and Blaine showing up outside the pizzeria. They ran to help Kieron after he’d been shot by that… that _thing_ , except Blaine hadn’t made it to him. Instead a second guy – _thing_ – approached from behind and slit her throat so much it nearly beheaded her. At the time, my mind blocked out the image, because it was too much. Sure, I was never fond of Blaine; yes, I hated her. But that didn’t mean I would _ever_ wish that on her. At least, I told myself, it was quick. She probably never even felt it.

But even so, she died so _fast_ for a perpetual. They could be killed so _easily_ … So easily with that blade…

 _Kieron_ could be killed so easily.

He was immortal; I shouldn’t have had to worry about him _dying_ on me. He was supposed to outlive me. And then came the issue of being with him, because he _would_ outlive me. He was over eight-hundred-years-old. I was in my mid-twenties. He would definitely outlive me, watch me grow old and die if I ever lived through _whatever_ it was the Master had planned for me – what this _prophecy_ had planned for me.

But I couldn’t think about that right now.

“I want to see Kie,” I said quietly.

“It’s a little tricky,” she said.

“How so?”

“Your brother…”

My mind froze then. Suddenly I remembered with startling clarity the way that _thing_ aimed that gun at my brother and pulled the trigger. The way my plea was drowned out in the shot that followed.

“He’s okay,” I wheezed, a lump nearly blocking my ability to breathe, lodged so tightly in my throat, my fingers curling tightly into the covers beneath me. “He’s _okay_!”

“He lives,” she said. “Do you not remember?”

“Not really,” I breathed, closing my eyes at the relief which ebbed through me. Tommy was alive. He was okay. I couldn’t remember what happened or _how_ he was okay, but he was okay and that was what mattered. “What happened? Why can’t I remember?”

“You saved him,” she said. “You saved your brother, and you saved Kieron.”

 _Saved…_?

Suddenly the memory was rushing through me, a bullet through my mind I couldn’t stop…

**_No, no, please-_ **

_Not Tommy. Not my brother._

_That **guy** was going to kill my **brother**._

_My plea was drowned out as the gun fired, suddenly loud to my sensitive ears, desperation clawing through me. I threw myself toward Tommy, hoping to take the bullet, tackle him or something, **anything** to keep him safe. Pain slammed into the back of my shoulder as I collided with Tommy and we crumpled to the ground in a heap. A second later, before I could make sense of anything that was happening, Kieron was snarling, this in-human, animalistic sound, and I lifted my head to find Tommy resting under me, eyes closed and blood around his head on the ground._

**_No. No. No!_ **

_“ **Tommy** ,” I choked, sitting up, ignoring the pain echoing through me as I snagged his shoulders, shaking him. “Tommy!” _

_He groaned. I almost collapsed in relief, unable to draw in enough air in that moment, too thankful he was **alive**. Clarity seeped through me, then, my panic dispersing. The blood was from me tackling him; he smacked his head on the ground since he landed under me. The pain in my shoulder was the bullet. I saved him._

**_I saved you._ **

_My relief was short-lived, however, when pain stabbed through me. Literally stabbed through me, and all I could think about was that damn blade, the one that killed Blaine only minutes ago, and-_

_“Kieron,” I gasped, looking up and whipping my head around until my gaze landed on him. He was on his knees in front of the second guy. Steam rose through the air. One of his hands was clutching at his stomach, where that phantom pain stabbed through me, the golden blade dark with fresh blood._

_The blade lifted again._

_“ **No** ,” I hissed, leaping away from Tommy, thoughts and gaze focused solely on Kieron and the steam surrounding him, the pain shooting through me, leaking through our bond, “ **don’t touch him**!”_

_I surprised both Kieron and the guy with the knife when I made it to them before the knife could land another blow, Kieron still gasping over the other stab wound, steam still thick in the air around him, burning my eyes. My fingers curled tightly into the fabric of Kieron’s shirt, yanking him backward, away from that guy and that blade as Ashere came up behind the guy, snarling with this low tone I couldn’t ever remember hearing from him before…_

The memory dispersed, leaving me breathless. Kieron was okay; I saved him. Tommy was okay as well; I saved him, too, somehow. The relief which ebbed through me left exhaustion trailing in its wake, these past few minutes being rather chaotic since I woke up, filled with doubt and dread.

But they were okay. I saved them. _Me_. I did that.

“You also killed them.”

My mind switched back to Bekkah, who stood watching me.

“What?” I asked quietly, frowning at her.

“Your attackers,” she said. “You killed them.”

“I _killed_ …?”

_Oh, God._

Nausea weighed heavy in my stomach. I had _killed_ anyone before. Sure, I’d been the cause of a lot of deaths because of this war and the Master and everything, and I gave Kieron the ‘okay’ to kill a few Etherians because it would be more trouble to let them live, but I’d never personally taken a life before. I’d attacked screamers, but was fairly certain I had never actually _killed_ one of them.

And now I’d killed two people. Human or not, that was still two lives.

I should have felt terrible about this. I should have been appalled at the fact I had that in me, to kill two people without even realizing it, without even _remembering_ it, and yet all I felt was this _relief_. Relief because they were _dead_. Satisfaction because they couldn’t hurt anyone anymore. They killed Blaine, hurt Kieron and tried to kill my brother. This was not acceptable.

“How?” I breathed, closing my eyes again. I wanted to feel guilt over murdering them, and yet I couldn’t. Because they killed Blaine. Because they hurt Kieron.

 _Really_ hurt him. The steam was still clear in my mind, the fresh blood on the blade, the way Kieron cried out at Blaine’s death, the way those bullets made his body stagger. They hurt him, wanted to _kill_ him, and _no_ , that was _wrong_.

“Terry,” Bekkah snapped.

I blinked my eyes open to find her standing near the doorway now, hands raised defensively toward me, a snarl on her face and in her voice as her eyes met with mine. The red haze I had barely noticed in my mind dispersed and my fingers hurt after uncurling from the covers, where they’d been clutching so tightly.

“What?”

“Calm down,” she said.

“Why do you look so…?”

Why did she look like I was going to _attack_ her or something? Even if I _did_ try to do something stupid like that, it wouldn’t work. My hits would be nothing to her.

“You’re out of control,” she said.

“Out of…?”

“You killed those two without _moving_.”

I stared at her, attempting to make sense of her words but they might as well have been spoken in a different language. “What,” I asked flatly, heart doing this odd lurching thing in my chest, momentarily robbing me from my breath.

_What is she saying? How…?_

“I can’t do anything without moving,” I said.

“You did.”

“I don’t… I don’t think so.”

“I know what I saw,” she snapped.

I blinked at her sudden raised tone. “You were there?”

“Of course I was,” she hissed. “I was nearly there when.. when Blaine died. I got there at the end and you nearly took _me_ out with them!”

Whatever sort of pride or _whatever_ I previously felt for being able to save Tommy and Kieron on my own, and take out their would-be killers, dispersed at those words. “What are you saying? How?”

“You thought I was a threat,” she snapped. “You would have killed me and Ashere if Kieron hadn’t intervened.”

“What’s wrong with Ashere?” I asked. “I… I _hurt_ him?”

_That’s not possible._

I was a simple, pathetic human, after all. I couldn’t hurt anyone, especially not someone from _Ethereal_. Especially not a _perpetual_.

She sighed heavily. “I know it’s hard to understand and it’s a lot to take in. Why don’t you go see Kieron? He’s next door.”

_Next door._

The apartment next to mine had been taken by a group of perpetuals so they could be nearby and watch me if need be, but would also give me some privacy. Sometimes Ashere stayed there, but thankfully Kieron never did. He stayed with me, for which I was grateful. Now, though…

“Why’s he there?”

“It was… easier.”

“Easier?” I echoed, frown deepening as I finally got to my feet. She was too far away to stop me this time, and made no move to make me sit back down.

“It’s hard to explain,” she said, shaking her head slowly.

“How did… did I kill them?”

_How? Why? Are you sure?_

I couldn’t have killed them. I couldn’t have been so _out of control_ that Kieron had to _intervene_ to keep me from hurting Ashere and-

My eyes widened. “Fuck, tell me I didn’t hurt him.”

She shook her head and my stiff muscles relaxed a little. “He calmed you down.”

_Calmed me down._

“Tell me what happened,” I said.

“We don’t know,” she said honestly. She’d never lied to me before. “All we know is one minute they’re about to kill Kieron, and-”

“I saved him,” I said. “You told me.”

“No,” she said slowly, eying me carefully, “ _after_ that. You went to get Tommy to the car like Kieron told you, and the second guy broke away from me and Ashere. Attempted to sever Kieron’s spine.”

Bile rose quickly in my throat, having me bending over at the waist, hands on my hips as I took in a deep, calming breathing. They tried once again to kill Kieron, but they failed. Failed because he was _healing_ , he was _okay_ , and I… saved him again?

“How?” I asked. “How did I…?”

“We don’t know, like I said. One minute they were about to kill Kieron, and the next, they just… fell over.”

“Fell over,” I repeated slowly, lifting my gaze back up to meet hers as I attempted to stand straight again.

She nodded. “They fell over. One just went limp, the other… took a second. He screamed, and then that was it. We checked them afterward… they were dead. We had to dispose of the bodies.”

_They just fell over. One of them screamed. Fuck._

“Dispose?” I asked, latching onto the last part of her words.

“They weren’t human,” she said.

“I noticed.”

 _Humans_ didn’t behave like that. _Humans_ didn’t laugh when perpetuals attacked them. _Humans_ didn’t know how lethal the golden blade was.

They must have been working for the screamers and the Master.

“We couldn’t leave them in the open,” she told me, shrugging. “Too many questions. So we got rid of them.”

“People noticed.” They had to have.

She shook her head. “The human authorities are saying it was an explosion due to a gas leak. Everyone died, Terry.”

_Everyone died._

I closed my eyes, that bile back in my throat, momentarily restricting my ability to breathe. Everyone at the pizzeria _died_. Normal, innocent people were now _dead_ because of _me_. Those things were there for me, not those people. Had I not been there… had I been more aware…

**_Knock it off._ **

The voice was sudden in my mind, but instantly calming. I could breathe again, that lump in my throat breaking away as I took in a deep breath.

_Kie, you’re okay._

**_I’m fine. How are you?_ **

_I’m okay, just… fuck. What happened?_

“I’m assuming Kieron is awake.”

I blinked my eyes open, focusing on Bekkah who stood in front of me again, no longer in the doorway. “How did…?”

“Your body language,” she said, shrugging. “You always calm and relax when you’re talking to him.”

“I do?”

She nodded. “You should talk to him. I will leave you two alone but won’t be far until we make sure the area is safe.”

I nodded, grateful for the privacy. She exited the bedroom just as the door to the apartment opened and closed. I peeked around the corner, through the doorway, to find her and Kieron passing each other by as she left and he entered my room, blue eyes instantly scanning over me. He looked pale, rings under his eyes, that glow to his eyes darker than usual, but that was understandable. He just stopped healing – technically just came back to _life_ , and I knew that was exhausting for him.

“You sure you’re okay?” I asked, looking him over as he did the same to me.

He shrugged, his inspection over as he easily moved to sit on the edge of the bed. “We need to talk.”

“Yeah,” I breathed, running a hand through my hair. “I guess we do.”

“Your brother,” he said.

I frowned. “What about him? He’s okay, right? Where is he?”

“He is at the hospital,” Kieron said, instantly nudging my shin with his shoe the second the words were out of his mouth, calming my instant reaction to those words. “He’s okay. He has a concussion from where you tackled him. Last I heard his memory’s a little foggy, so you’ll have to… figure out what to tell him.”

“What to tell him?” I asked, relieved Tommy was okay. It was bad that he had a concussion, and I hated that I did that to him, but it was better than the alternative. Better than him being _dead_.

“You can choose to tell him about Ethereal,” he said quietly, watching me closely, “or leave him in the dark and lie.”

My spine snapped straight, ice hitting my veins at what he was suggesting. “I can tell him?”

I could tell him, and not have to _lie_ about everything? Make him see how Kieron really _wasn’t_ using me? And yet, my relief at this was short-lived, because telling him would be very difficult. He wouldn’t believe me, and proving it would be problematic since I was the only one who could see the perpetuals when they transformed, or how they really were and everything. Kieron already looked different to him, with either dark brown hair or black, I wasn’t sure how Tommy saw him.

So Kieron wouldn’t be able to back me up if I tried to explain everything to him. Tommy would just have to trust me, but considering how well that worked out so far…

“It’s your choice,” Kieron sighed, shaking his head.

“Is that allowed?”

“…Technically? No.”

“Then why…?”

“He’s your brother,” he said simply. “You need him.”

“I can’t…”

“You need to keep your relationship with your family,” he told me. “If telling him is what can help you do that… then you should.”

“But you just said it’s not allowed.”

He shrugged slowly, wincing a little as he did so, his body still healing. A small twinge of pain echoed through me, but only just. Either it wasn’t a _lot_ of pain, or he was getting really good at hiding it from me. I wasn’t sure what to think about that. I was grateful to not feel the phantom aches, but I hated that he didn’t want to share it with me, as crazy as that sounded. I had a million other things to worry about, and yet this bothered me more than it should have.

“You need something to fall back on.”

I blinked at him, frowning. “Fall back on? Odd choice of words, Kie. What do you mean?”

His gaze skittered away. “Nothing.”

Doubt raged through me. “Kie?” I stepped closer to the bed, standing directly in front of him now. He’d showered recently, before coming here. It wasn’t the scent of my shampoo or soap, like usual, but instead something else, something from the apartment next door.

Anger burned through me, though I wasn’t sure why. I had no reason to be even remotely upset about the fact he showered somewhere else and used someone else’s shampoo. This was getting ridiculous.

“What do you mean, Kie?” I asked when he still didn’t answer, keeping his gaze pinned firmly on the ground.

“Are you going to tell him?”

“Depends,” I said slowly. “What do you mean? What do you mean by ‘fall back on’?”

_I don’t like the sound of that…_

I really didn’t.

He shook his head, sighing. “It’s nothing, human.”

“Don’t lie to me,” I snapped, glaring at him. “I don’t want to argue, Kie, but please – just tell me, okay? I… I’m having a bad enough day as it is. Please?”

“After this is over,” he said slowly, “you’ll need somewhere to go.”

_Somewhere to go. After this is over._

What did that even _mean?_

“What do you mean?” I asked, voice trembling a little. “We’ll stay here.”

Blue eyes shifted toward me slowly. The depths were murky and dark. “Just you,” he said.

_Just me…_

“What the fuck are you saying?” I growled, reaching out, fingers curling tightly in the fabric of his shirt, pulling him to his feet, toward me. I was a little shocked he allowed it since he could have easily pulled away.

“Terry,” he said quietly, causing my spine to stiffen further, because he rarely _ever_ used my actual name like this, with that tone, when we were alone in my apartment. _Our_ apartment. “After this is over, we’ll have no reason to stay together.”

_No reason to…_

I swallowed, the taste of bad coffee burning my throat. “What… what do you _mean_? Are you… Are you breaking up with me?”

His eyes narrowed, expression twisting into a scowl. “No,” he said. “I’m only saying… after this is over, you can go back to a normal life.”

_Go back to a normal life…_

He made it sound so simple. And yet it wasn’t.

“So you’ll just… just _leave_ , is that it?” I asked, watching him, fingers still tight in his shirt. “When this is over?”

Whenever everything with the prophecy and the Master was over… he would just _leave_? Leave me here, alone?

“We’re bond-mates,” I said.

He nodded, watching me. “Yes,” he agreed quietly, “we are.”

“So you can’t just… leave.”

“If I stay,” he said slowly, “things will stay tense between you and your brother. You could always be in danger if I’m around.”

“I don’t care,” I said, shaking my head, pulling him closer. “I don’t care, okay? I… we’re bonded, Kieron, and… when this is over, we’re _still_ going to be bond-mates.”

“If I stay, you won’t be normal.”

“I don’t _want_ to be normal!” I snapped, glaring at him.

I wanted to be normal, in a way. I wanted to go back to a normal life without the looming threat of death and a war over my head, but I didn’t want to go back to before, without Kieron. He made me see how things used to be with me and my friends, with John and Rufus. I had something better now, and to hear him talking like this…

“I’ll think about telling Tommy,” I said quietly, watching him, the way his eyes blinked slowly in acknowledgement. “But we’re still… we’re still _together_ , Kie, and nothing will change that.”

_The bond is for life, right?_

That was what I’d been told, what I’d been led to believe. So it would never go away, until one of us died. I didn’t plan on letting him die.

“Unless… you _want_ to leave?” I asked quietly, averting my gaze, unable to see his answering expression just then. What if he wanted to leave? I couldn’t stop him. I was only human. We’d still be bond-mates, but we wouldn’t be _together_. Those didn’t have to mean the same thing, like he once told me.

I happily pulled him closer when his response was to capture my lips with his own. I always enjoyed it when he initiated the contact like this; it seemed to be a little more special than usual, because it was so rare. Lately it was happening more often, for which I was grateful, but it was still pretty rare for him to do something like this. To slide his arms around my waist like he was right now, easily tugging me closer to him. My own hands unclenched around his shirt and instead slid around the back of his neck, clasping tightly, holding the two of us together as the kiss lingered.

“I’ll stay,” he said quietly, lips moving faintly against my own, his voice tickling my mouth, “if you want me to.”

“Stay,” I told him, tangling a hand in his hair. “You… You like this, too, right?”

“I wouldn’t stay if I didn’t.”

Cryptic as always, and yet I couldn’t stop smiling then.

“I… I…” I took in a breath, closing my eyes as his tongue slid into my mouth, taking my lack of words as an opening. “I like this, Kie.”

He hummed in response, the vibrations doing these odd things to me, leaving me clutching at him a little tighter.

“If… you could love…” I murmured against his mouth. “Would you…”

“Terry,” he breathed back, causing me to open my eyes, his own blue orbs easily capturing my own, holding my gaze, “if I could… you’d be the first.”

Warmth slipped through, hot and inviting, and I all but crushed him against me, even though I knew it wouldn’t hurt him. “You too,” I replied quietly. “Thanks for… staying.”

“Well, you _did_ save my life.”

I closed my eyes, smirking somewhat. “I guess I did, huh? Even though… I’m still not sure what happened.”

“We’re not sure either,” he said, “but we’ll work on it.”

“Was I really out of control?”

His hold on me tightened. But I was probably just imagining that. “You killed them without moving. Then you looked at Bekkah and Ashere. When Ashere clutched at his head… well, I stopped you.”

“How?”

“Shook you, talked to you,” he said, shaking his head, causing me to open my eyes. His gaze was focused on the far wall. “You snapped out of it and collapsed.”

“How… long was I out?”

“Two days,” he said.

_Two days._

Two days of being unconscious while Tommy was in the hospital and Kieron was healing.

“How did I do that?”

“We don’t know,” he said. “I think you scared Ashere – he hasn’t been around lately.”

I swallowed. “How… is he? With Blaine, um…” _Dead. With her dead._

She _died_ , and while I didn’t like her, that didn’t mean I wanted her to die, and especially not like that. She and Ashere were bonded like me and Kieron – I could only imagine what he was going through.

Kieron closed his eyes, going quiet for a moment, sighing heavily. My fingers toyed with a few of the longer strands of his hair at the base of his neck. “I haven’t really talked to him,” he said. “I was… healing. Bekkah says he’s coping, though.”

“I’m sorry,” I murmured. “I know Blaine was your friend.”

“Yeah,” he sighed, “well… shit happens. At least it was quick.”

It happened so fast…

We were interrupted when the phone rang. Kieron released me, stepping away, causing my arms to drop back to my sides as I watched him. “Get that,” he said. “It’s probably Tommy. He’s been calling all day, ever since he woke up this morning. He’s kind of freaking out.”

I nodded, taking in a quick breath. I’d have to face Tommy sooner or later anyway. Might as well face the music, and see how much he remembered.

I left the room to grab the phone.


	18. A Good Day

Chapter Eighteen: A Good Day

 

I decided not to tell Tommy, at least not yet. If I was going to tell him about Ethereal and everything, it needed to be at the right time, and not when he was recovering in the hospital with memory issues. He was getting released today, Kieron and I would take him home, and then we’d discuss how we could go about telling him the truth if I decided to do that. I didn’t really want Tommy involved with everything because I knew he’d try to help, and I loved him for that, but it was dangerous for him to become involved in any way.

So I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do, really. Telling him would make things easier, because I wouldn’t have to lie to him or have him worry about me lying to him. Explaining it to him would be difficult because he couldn’t see Kieron for who and what he really was, and taking him to Ethereal seemed out of the question, but I didn’t want to lie to him all the time. Eventually, after everything was over, he’d get curious as to why Kieron didn’t seem to be aging, if we stayed together.

And I planned on staying with my perpetual. On some level I could see where Kieron was coming from; he was a perpetual, hated by the screamers, the Master and other Etherians and perpetuals. He could draw the danger toward me, after this was over. If we stayed together I’d always be a part of Ethereal, and my ‘normalcy’ would never be like it once was. Despite this, I didn’t want to go back to how things were if it meant giving up Kieron. So despite what he thought might be best for me, we weren’t splitting up. If he tried… I’d stop him, somehow.

The thought of being apart like that left little tendrils of wrong seeping through the bond, a growl lodged somewhere in my throat.

“Human.”

I blinked, startled out of my thoughts as I glanced at Kieron. We were currently at the hospital, waiting for Tommy to join us in the downstairs lobby. He was currently getting released. Lacy would have been here but was home with Amanda, still recovering from her accident, so I said I’d pick him up.

Kieron nodded in the direction of the main doorway. I glanced over to find Tommy being pushed through in a wheelchair, a scowl on his face. “I hit my head,” he complained, “why can’t I walk?”

I smirked. It was hospital policy to have you leave in a wheelchair, no matter what. “Hey,” I greeted, walking toward him, “I’m here to spring ya.”

He nodded, looking me over. “I still don’t see how _I_ got hurt but _you_ didn’t.”

Tommy thought he got knocked unconscious in the explosion that killed the rest of the people in the pizzeria. It was the story we were going with, anyway, and what the general public, as well as the authorities, thought happened. He didn’t know about the bullet I took for him, the wound on my shoulder. It wasn’t there anymore, anyway. Kieron used his nifty healing tricks on me. He couldn’t quite just _heal_ me as much as he could _convince my body_ to heal faster. I still wasn’t sure how this happened, but he didn’t have to _lick_ me anymore, though that was… odd. Amusing and odd, especially because at the time, we hadn’t been too _close_. The bond was still very new and strange for both of us.

Now, though…

He didn’t lick me because he didn’t have to do that anymore. He didn’t have to touch me to convince my body, either. Though I’d probably like it more if he _did_ …

“Dad always said I had a hard head,” I said, shrugging in response to Tommy as I took control of his wheelchair, pushing him out of the hospital. Kieron collected his paperwork, spoke to the nurse, and followed me out. We were by the car by the time he joined us. So far Tommy had been nice to Kieron; he remembered our conversation in the pizzeria, but everything after that was fuzzy.

Or, at least, that was what he said. He didn’t need to remember the fight, anyway.

At least not yet. Not until I figured out how to explain everything to him.

Once Tommy was situated in the back, I climbed into the passenger seat while Kieron drove. I was never particularly fond of driving; it was okay, and got me from point A to point B, but I drove a lot for school when I was younger, and now I simply didn’t care for it anymore. Kieron, on the other hand, was a perpetual. They had vehicles in Ethereal though I’d never been in one, but they were mainly used in cities. Perpetuals weren’t very liked in cities. The last time we stayed near one, Kieron had to pay our fee with… less than desirable methods. Since we never went near the cities anymore, we were left trekking through the trees on foot. This was probably the only time he got to drive a vehicle.

“Kieron…” Tommy muttered from the backseat, so quiet I barely heard him, but Kieron’s sensitive ears easily picked up on. His gaze flickered to the rearview mirror while I glanced over my shoulder, toward Tommy.

“Hmm?” my perpetual hummed.

“I’m sorry,” Tommy said, scowling somewhat. “For how I treated you. It was wrong of me. What… What goes on between you and Terry is none of my business.”

Kieron’s gaze slid toward me, then, and I looked at him. “Um… I told him how we met.”

“Oh?” A delicate brow rose in question.

“Yeah, um… you tackled me in the woods and saved me,” I said.

He watched me for a moment, gaze flickering briefly back to the road and then back toward me, before he nodded and focused solely on the road. “Apology accepted, but not necessary.”

“Kieron,” I said.

“He’s not entirely wrong,” Kieron said.

“What do you mean?” Tommy asked.

“I _have_ secluded you from everyone,” Kieron said as he drove through a green light, hands firmly planted on the steering wheel, gaze focused ahead. I didn’t have to turn to look at Tommy to know he had this disapproving look on his face. I got that look a lot.

“No you haven’t,” I told him.

“Not intentionally,” he said. “But I shouldn’t take you with me all the time.”

“Take him with you?” Tommy echoed, even as I stared at my perpetual.

“Um… sometimes I go with him when he goes on training drills,” I said. “I don’t… participate or anything, but… we… we stay somewhere together.”

_And I like going._

This I didn’t say aloud, but wanted to shout at Kieron. Despite what he said yesterday about staying if I wanted him to, I could feel him pulling away. Now he was apologizing for taking me with him when I _wanted_ to go. I didn’t like being left behind.

“Oh,” Tommy said somewhat uncertainly. “Okay. Is that why you disappear randomly?”

“Yes,” I said automatically. Maybe Kieron wasn’t pulling away, he was just giving me an excuse for when I randomly disappeared. Somehow, though, I thought it might be a mixture of both.

“And I don’t love Terry,” Kieron continued, ignoring the way I stiffened, the way Tommy glared at the back of his head. I didn’t have to look to see what he was doing; I knew him too well. He already didn’t like Kieron; statements like _this_ weren’t helping. “But,” he continued, “to be fair, I’ve never loved anyone.”

“Never?” Tommy asked.

“No.”

“Your parents…?”

“We’re not exactly _close_ ,” he said, a scowl entering his voice as we stopped at a red light. “They didn’t have much to do with me after I was ten.”

“Ten?” I asked, frowning. “I didn’t know that. That’s… That’s stupid!”

He was just a _kid_ then. Kids needed their parents, no matter how immortal they were supposed to be. Anger burned through me, but a quick glare from Kieron left me attempting to brush it from my mind. I needed to learn to control this rage, my aggressor status.

That was what they thought happened at the pizzeria – that _thing_ was about to kill Kieron, and my aggressive nature kicked into overdrive. The bond assumed everyone was an enemy, especially Ashere since I didn’t particularly like him on a normal basis. I couldn’t remember anything about this save for a few fuzzy images, but I knew they weren’t lying to me. Perpetual or not, they’d never once lied to me.

“Who raised you, then?” Tommy asked.

“My family is odd,” Kieron said. “Military raised; grew up in military schools and everything. They provided the housing and fighting lessons; the rest fell to me. I took care of myself.”

His lie wove in with the truth so easily. This was probably how it was on Ethereal, for perpetuals and especially his kind, but he was using the military aspect to go with my lie for his background and everything.

“That… That sounds horrible,” Tommy said. “I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault.”

“Still… I have a lot to apologize for,” Tommy told him. “I’d like to make it up to you by having you and Terry over for dinner one night this week, if you’re still around.”

Kieron shrugged. “Terry?”

“Sounds great,” I told him. “Um… when do you think you’ll… have to go?”

Bekkah could come for him at any minute, after all. Or someone else, and take him back to Ethereal. It made it rather difficult to plan things in advance. This wasn’t the only reason we never planned things with Tommy or anyone before, but it was a deciding factor. What little time he _did_ have to spent with me, I liked to have it just be the two of us.

I couldn’t blame Kieron for any of this, though, because he never knew when they were going to come for him, either. It was a waiting game for both of us.

“Is tomorrow okay?” Kieron asked, glancing at Tommy in the rearview mirror.

“That’s… That’s good,” Tommy said.

“This street?” Kieron asked, glancing at me, causing me to frown until I realize what he meant.

“Oh, uh, yeah, take a right here.”

He took the right and we pulled up outside of Tommy’s house. I got out to help Tommy out of the care should he need my assistance, since we left the wheelchair at the hospital, but he just scowled at me until I stepped away and let him get out on his own.

“I’m not an invalid,” he told me. “I hit my head, I can walk just fine.”

I nodded. “Yeah, okay. Um… What time tomorrow?”

“Six?”

“Sure, sounds good,” I said, walking him up to his door. I pushed it open and he stepped inside while I waited on the porch. “I’m happy you’re feeling better. How’s the headache?”

He’d had a bad headache for days now, a side effect of his head injury, which was why they kept him at the hospital so long, just in case something happened. Thankfully everything worked out okay. He was okay, Lacy was okay, Kieron and I were okay…

Everyone was okay.

Except Blaine.

I still hadn’t see Ashere, and hoped he was okay even though I wasn’t very fond of him.

“Head still hurts but it’s feeling better,” Tommy said, smiling at me.

“I’m glad,” I told him.

He nodded. “Well, I’ll let you get back to your boyfriend. Again, though… I’m sorry for being an ass to him.”

I shrugged. “It’s okay.”

_As long as you’re nice to him now._

We spoke for a few minutes before he finally closed the door and I turned and walked back to the car, climbing into the passenger seat again.

“I’m hungry,” I told Kieron. “Let’s go eat.”

He tossed me a quick glance. “We have food at the apartment.”

I rolled my eyes. “We’re going on another date.”

He scowled as he pulled past a stop sign. “Not a date,” he said.

“It’s _so_ a date.”

“Human.”

I grinned. “We’re dating, Kie. Get used to it.”

 

“Dinner’s almost ready,” Tommy said the next evening when we arrived at his house and he let us in.

“Thanks,” I said as we maneuvered into the living room. Tommy’s house was medium sized, with an upstairs but a small yard. He had a decent fire place, though, which I liked.

“Amanda’s at Dad’s for the weekend,” Tommy said.

“That’s cool,” I said.

My dad and I didn’t see eye to eye, really, but he was good with kids. I knew he loved Amanda. I knew he loved _me_ , it was just that we kept arguing over everything ever since I told him I liked guys.

I definitely wouldn’t be introducing Kieron to him any time soon.

We entered the kitchen, with the light tan walls and hard wood floor. The house smelled delicious; Lacy was a good cook. She stood next to the stove but turned to face us upon our arrival, her curly black hair pulled back into a tight ponytail, a few strands hanging loose around her face. Her blue eyes lit up when she saw us, and she hurried over to give me a hug. I happily returned it; I’d always liked Lacy.

“Terry,” Lacy said once we pulled away, “it’s good to see you! And who is this? You must be… Kieron, is it?”

“Yeah,” I said, happy she pronounced it right, “that’s Kie. Kieron, this is my brother’s wife, Lacy. Lacy, my boyfriend, Kieron.”

Her and Kieron shook hands, her smile wide across her face, all warmth and no bite. She was a genuinely friendly person and it was easy to see why Tommy fell for her.

“It’s good to meet you, Kieron,” Lacy said after they stopped shaking hands.

“Likewise,” Kieron said.

“How are you feeling?” I asked her.

She waved a hand dismissively. “I’m fine. Go in for a checkup next week.”

I smiled. “Good to hear.”

She turned back toward the stove, turning off the burner. “Dinner’s ready,” she announced.

We took our seats as she put down plates of food in front of us. Tonight’s meal was chicken, mashed potatoes and noodles. Delicious! I almost forgot how much I loved home cooked meals.

“So, how are you, Terry?” Lacy asked as we started eating.

“I’m good, why?”

“With the pizzeria and everything,” she said with a sigh, shaking her head. “It’s just terrible.”

I looked down at my plate, the food in my mouth suddenly tasteless. I swallowed, sighing. “Yeah,” I murmured, “it is.”

_And it’s my fault._

My fault those people were dead. I didn’t do it; those _things_ did, because I’d asked if _I_ had done it, killed those people, when I lost control, but Bekkah assured me that was not the case. Those _things_ killed those innocent people… because of me…

Sharp pain behind my eyes had me brushing the thoughts away, glancing over just in time to catch Kieron’s fleeting glare.

“It’s a miracle you and Tommy came out okay,” Lacy continued, oblivious to my inner thoughts. “But I’m happy you are both okay!”

“Yeah,” I sighed, “me too.”

We ate in silence for a few minutes.

“So, Kieron,” Lacy said when we were almost done eating, “Tommy tells me you’re a marine?”

Kieron swallowed his food, pushing his plate away. “Yes.”

“He says you grew up on military bases?”

“Yes.”

“How unfortunate,” she sighed. “I bet that was terrible!”

Kieron shrugged. “You get used to it.”

I scowled, because I knew more than them how ‘used’ to it he was. Used to pain and everything.

“Poor thing,” Lacy said. “But it’s good you’re serving your country.”

Kieron shrugged again. “I suppose.”

Except his ‘country’ was a separate ‘world’ and he wasn’t exactly ‘human’. Not that I could tell her any of that.

 

Dinner lasted late into the night, and the evening went well, I had to admit. Tommy was civil though I knew he still didn’t really like Kieron, and Lacy was sweet as always. By the time we got back to the apartment it was nearly eleven at night. It’d been a long day, but a good one.

We didn’t have a lot of ‘good’ days, I realized. The days were usually either chaotic or nerve-wracking, waiting for the phantom aches to start or waiting for someone to swing by and take Kieron back to Ethereal while I was again forced to wait here.

But today was a good day.

“That was fun,” I said, smiling as I looked at Kieron as he toed off his shoes next to the bed. He tossed me a quick glance.

“It was okay,” he said with a small nod.

I grinned at him. “We should do it again sometime.”

“We’ll see.”

“Thanks for going, Kie.”

He shrugged, not answering.

I nodded toward the bathroom. “Shower?”

“I’ll shower in the morning, you go ahead.”

I scowled, reaching out to snag his wrist. “Come with me,” I said.

He sighed and followed me into the bathroom, thankfully not arguing. We stripped and stepped into the shower, under the spray of warm water. My hands somehow found their way on his hips, pulling him closer to me as his own hands landed on my chest, lightly pushing me away.

“Shower,” he said with this smirk.

I chuckled, leaning into him.

His skin was wet and warm against my own. My body responded to his returning touch, the lingering trace of his fingers across my tender skin, his teeth nibbling on the sensitive spots on my neck. Within seconds I was pressed against a wall, his hands firm against my shoulders, fingers curling into the skin leaving white and red marks in their wake.

“Kie…” I murmured, biting down on my lower lip as his teeth nipped at a sensitive patch of skin.

He grunted in response, continuing his work, nimble fingers trailing the length of my body, keeping me pressed against the wall with little room to maneuver. I attempted to pull him closer but he simply scowled and batted my hand away, momentarily biting down a little harder, leaving me wincing and letting my hands drop back down to my sides.

Kieron liked to be in control, after all. Badgering him with my own movements left him either dragging things out as punishment, or pulling away. I found I didn’t really mind it, though.

Eventually he allowed me to slip my arms around him, and we connected again.


	19. Harmless Payback

Chapter Nineteen: Harmless Payback

 

Kieron’s mouth left my dick with an audible ‘pop’, leaving me gasping as my eyes snapped open, my chest heaving in pleasured pants as I looked down the length of my body to find Kieron lifting his head, lips still enclosed around my member, his gaze easily catching my own. Irritation flickered in his blue eyes which left me laughing as much as it left me frowning.

“W-What…?” I gasped, arching my back somewhat, fingers curling in the sheets beneath me. I couldn’t remember taking my clothes off during the night, and yet here I was, naked from the waist down. All I wore was a shirt. “What’s this… Oh, God, why…?”

Not that I was complaining, of course. No, I’d never complain about _this_.

Kieron’s mouth left me as he scowled at me. “You can only force so many of your sex dreams on me before I take action, human.”

My face burned as I looked up at the ceiling, swallowing. “O-Oh,” I breathed shakily. “O-Okay, um… Sorry?”

He snorted. “You’re not sorry,” he said, “but you’re going to be.” Then his mouth returned to doing those awesomely amazing things, and my fingers curled tighter in the sheets.

Kieron and I only did things like this on a rare few occasions, and never like _this_. Never with him waking me up like this. It was completely unexpected and unprecedented and I _loved_ it. What I _didn’t_ love, though, was that I couldn’t see him that well from my position on the bed. I attempted to scoot up and at least sit up or something, or get closer to him, but this growl rumbled through his mouth which in turn vibrated my dick, doing these _things_ to me. Kieron’s hands held my hips firmly down to the bed.

I squirmed. “Kie,” I breathed, “let me-”

“Shh,” he snapped. “I need sleep, human.”

“Sleep?” I asked, the word barely registering.

“You and your stupid dreams,” Kieron muttered. “Keeping me awake all goddamn night.”

I laughed. “So… do my sex dreams turn you on? Is that what you’re saying, Kie?” I looked down the length of my body at him again, smirking at the scowl located on his face, his fingers curling lightly into the skin of my hips.

“Of course not,” he snapped, glaring at me, despite my laugh. “I have self-control, human. But every goddamn night… hearing you say my name in your sleep…” His scowl grew even as I attempted to imagine ice on my ears to stop the burning. “It’s payback time.”

I grinned. “And how are you gonna get back at me?”

“Oh,” he said with this dark little laugh, “you’ll see.”

And then his mouth closed over my dick again. His tongue flicked gently against the head, smoothing over the edges and then down one side of the shaft, leaving me gasping as I arched my back further, squirming beneath his hold, still pinned to the bed due to his hands still present on my hips. Again that tongue swirled over the head and left this little hitch in my breath, my fingers digging further into the bed beneath me as I attempted to scoot closer to Kieron, or at least lift my hips up a little, but he wouldn’t allow it.

“Kie,” I breathed, pleasure rolling through me in waves as he kept doing those amazing things with his mouth and tongue. I had no idea he was so freaking _gifted_ at this. _Fuck_. “Kie, lemme-”

Kieron’s mouth left me, leaving me groaning. I only wanted to move closer, not have him stop! “You will be silent,” Kieron said, glaring at me.

“Kie, what-”

“ _Silent_ ,” he said, narrowing his eyes further. “Are we clear?”

That _tone_ of his voice…

It did things to me. Left my dick twitching hopefully.

I gave a sharp nod and his mouth returned to its previous position, and I threw my head back as the pleasure continued. I felt this warmth growing inside of me, conquering me, leaving me gasping because-

“Kie,” I gasped, “I’m gonna-”

His mouth left, leaving me groaning again, attempting to shift toward him further because I was so _close_ , so close to coming, and he couldn’t just _stop_ like that, and-

He eyed me. “What did I say about silence?”

“Kie, _please-_ ”

He glared at me for a minute, before his expression softened and he laughed, easily sliding away from me. “You don’t get to cum,” he said as he climbed out of bed, moving toward the bathroom.

I sat up, staring after him. “What? What the hell do you _mean_?”

He laughed, pushing the bathroom door open. “You make me suffer every night – payback’s a bitch, human.”

And then he closed the door behind him, leaving me gaping at where he once stood, my cock still twitching hopefully even though I knew he wouldn’t be returning to finish the job.

 

I shot nasty glares at Kieron over the booth table at a restaurant. He pretended not to notice, easily focusing instead on the menu he held open in front of him, partially obscuring my view of the lower half of his face.

“I hate you,” I muttered, sighing.

“You don’t,” Kieron said.

“I should. That was mean, Kie.”

He snorted. “No worse than what you do to me every night.”

“I don’t wake you up by sucking you off and then take off before letting me finish,” I muttered, glaring at him as he finally closed the menu, dropping it on the table between us, his gaze catching mine.

The blue depths were amused. “Nope,” he agreed, “but it was still well deserved.”

“I expect payment when we get back.”

“I’m paying for lunch, that’s all you’re getting.”

I scowled. “Kie.”

He shrugged. “Sorry, human. Payback’s a bitch.”

“I hate you.”

“Broken record, huh?”

I glared. “Hate you so much.”

“You don’t,” Kieron said, smirking at me.

“I could.”

“Nope.”

“Still rude, Kie.”

“Never said it wasn’t,” he said, looking up as our waitress joined us to get our order.

Kieron ordered a cheeseburger and fries, while I got chicken tenders and fries, since it was lunch. Well, two in the afternoon. We really slept in. Or, rather, I slept in only to be woken by Kieron.

My mind kept wandering back to it.

“You’re making it up to me,” I said, sighing as the waitress walked away.

He glanced back at me. “Hmm?”

“You’re making it up to me,” I repeated, a little louder even though I knew he heard it just fine the first time. Stupid perpetual hearing and everything. “When we get home.”

He snorted. “Unlikely.”

“Oh, it’s happening.”

“Don’t think so.”

“It is.”

“You’re delusional.”

I grinned. We didn’t often banter like this, but I always found myself enjoying it. “Leaving me like that was completely unnecessary.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Making it up to me, dammit.”

Kieron snorted again, eying me. “Maybe,” he finally relented, “if you’re good.”

The smile hurt my face. “Best behavior, that’s me.”

He snorted yet again. He was going to dislodge snot if he kept it up.

“This is nice,” I said, unable to stop smiling. I was in a really good mood, better than I’d been in for… well, a long time. Even with the good day we had yesterday at Tommy’s, this was better. I liked it when it was just the two of us, and Kieron was actually lightening up a little. He wasn’t as rough around the edges. I hoped that meant he was letting me in, finally.

It was true I kept dreaming about him, but I didn’t always remember them. But could I be blamed for that? We rarely did anything physical; it took its toll, and left me with the dreams. I didn’t mean to ‘force’ them on him, as he put it, but they seemed to be getting to him. Perhaps if I did it more often…

“It’s lunch,” Kieron said.

I shrugged. “Still nice. A _date_.”

He sat back and groaned, sighing heavily. “Are you going to label every single meal as a date?”

“Maybe,” I said. “Unless, you know, we make a habit out of it. Which, we _are_ going to, right, Kie?”

He scowled. “Don’t we already have a habit of eating every day?”

“You know what I mean.”

He shrugged. “We’ll see.”

I shook my head, taking a sip of my drink. “Have you, um… heard from Ashere?”

I wasn’t sure why I was asking, because I didn’t really like him, but he just lost his bond-mate. Even I could be sympathetic for him.

Kieron averted his gaze. “I haven’t talked to him.”

“Oh,” I said.

“Bekkah has,” he said. “He, um… wants to talk to me. In Ethereal.” His gaze slid toward me then. “Alone.”

I wasn’t aware I was growling until his eyes narrowed at me. “Um… why?” I asked.

“I don’t know. Probably just to talk. We’re friends, after all.”

This was true. Ashere was probably Kieron’s best friend. They’d known each other a long time, and Ashere just lost his bond-mate, so he probably wanted to talk and grieve. Perpetuals could claim not to care about anything all they wanted, but I knew better. I knew Ashere was grieving; I knew Kieron felt torn between staying here with me and going to see Ashere alone even though I didn’t like him; I knew Kieron was worried about him; I knew Ashere liked Kieron, though he kept denying it; I knew Kieron liked _me_ …

Kieron would never betray me. The bond, however, was not willing to risk this as it kept leaving me fighting the urge to growl every time I thought about the two of them alone together. _Ashere_ might try something, even though he just lost his bond-mate. And that, I decided, was why I really didn’t like him.

Simple jealousy. No, that wasn’t right. It was territorial. A primal instinct. Kieron was _mine_ , not Ashere’s, and I had a right to protect what was mine. Therefore, on some level, it made sense that I didn’t like Ashere.

“Are you going to go?” I asked.

If Kieron wanted to go speak with Ashere, I couldn’t stop him. Despite what the bond wanted, they were friends and Ashere was grieving. Friends helped friends in their time of need.

“Thinking about it,” Kieron said, watching me carefully. “You good with staying here?”

“Not really,” I said honestly. “But he’s your friend, so… Yeah.” I sighed, closing my eyes. “Yeah, go ahead. I’m not… I’m not the boss of you. Go see your friend.”

“Alright,” Kieron said, and I opened my eyes. “If you say so.”

“He won’t, um… he won’t try anything, right?”

“Try anything?” Kieron echoed, frowning, confused.

I sighed. He was really going to make me say it. “I mean… Um… He likes you.”

“I should hope so,” Kieron said. “We’re friends.”

“No, uh… not like that. He _likes_ you.”

Kieron scowled. “He doesn’t. It’s in the past.”

They had a fling once before. How long it lasted and what it entailed, I doubted I’d ever know because Kieron rarely spoke about it. He was over it; Ashere was not, despite the fact he’d been bonded to Blaine.

“Okay,” I said, “sure, yeah, in the past, but… he’s grieving. He might… try… for comfort?”

“Are you asking if he’s going to kiss me again?”

I scowled, remembering the first time I saw them kiss. It was in the woods, after Kieron and I had sex for the first time. Ashere tackled him and kissed him because he was _worried_ , thought Kieron might have been the perpetual who died because he couldn’t find him. Being bonded to Blaine hadn’t mattered _then_. “I don’t know,” I said truthfully. “Just… You won’t, right?”

“I don’t like Ashere like that,” he said. “Once upon a time, sure, we had fun. Anyway, human, he’s mourning right now. Losing a bond-mate is… unfortunate.”

I laughed somewhat bitterly. “Nice way of putting it.”

 

Kieron returned to Ethereal the next day. By that time I’d prepared for his departure, but was still displeased nevertheless. I’d grown used to his presence in the apartment; now it was too empty and quiet. I used to like it that way, back when I hung around Rufus and John. I liked my alone time just as much as I liked spending time with them, even though, with them and Rufus especially, it was usually just for sex.

Now, though, being alone was… unwelcome and unwanted. I liked having Kieron around; not just because of the bond, but because he was actually good company. Strange, considering what an asshole he was when we first met, but he’d definitely grown on me. I hoped I’d grown on him as well, and he enjoyed our time together as much as I did.

I spent the day cleaning the apartment. I hadn’t bothered to do so in a while, and there was a layer of dust on pretty much everything. After wiping everything down, I also mopped the kitchen floor, cleaned the bathroom, and vacuumed the living room and bedroom. I was also mostly out of food, since we’d been eating out more lately, so I went to the store and restocked the kitchen.

I was just pulling out some ramen noodles when there was a knock at my door.

Frowning, I maneuvered out of the kitchen and toward the door, prying it open to find Tommy standing there.

“Hey,” I said uncertainly. “Um… did we have plans?”

He shook his head, smiling. “No, sorry, I just wanted to see if you and Kieron wanted to join us for dinner again. We were in the neighborhood.”

I glanced over his shoulder toward his van. Lacy sat in the passenger seat and I knew Amanda would be in the back, in her car seat.

I sighed, feeling my mood darken a little, because I was alone. “Kie’s not here,” I told him. “He, um… he got called back into work.”

“Oh,” Tommy said, smile slipping away. “What’s he do, exactly? For the Marines?”

“Um… he helps train new recruits,” I told him.

“So he’s a drill sergeant?”

“Not exactly,” I said, shaking my head. “He does other things, too, but, um… right now he’s just helping them learn… close combat skills and how to use weapons other than a gun in case they need to do so.”

“Oh,” he said, nodding, “alright, sounds interesting. How long’s he been gone?”

“He left this morning,” I told him.

“I see. Well, you can still eat with us if you want.”

My stomach growled at the thought of food. I didn’t feel like cooking so I was just going to fix ramen, but the thought of a meal sounded nice. I never went to a restaurant by myself; I felt awkward just sitting alone.

“Alright,” I said. “Let me change. I’ve been cleaning all day.”

He nodded. “We’ll be in the car.”

I nodded, closed the door and turned to head back into my bedroom. Quickly, I changed, brushed my hair and joined them in the van, sitting in the back next to Amanda. She was sleeping, a trail of drool hanging out the left corner of her mouth.

We pulled away from my apartment and onto the main road.

“So when is Kieron due back?” Lacy asked.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. He, um… his best friend works with him. Ashere.” I took in a breath. “Ashere’s… _wife_ just died in combat.”

“Oh my God,” Lacy said, “that’s terrible!”

I nodded. “Yeah, it is. Kieron… um… he’s going to console him and talk to him while he’s away, as well as, um… train some people while he’s there.” At least, I was assuming he wasn’t going just because of Ashere. I knew Dettere would have him working if he knew he was in Ethereal, as would the other ‘Elders’ or whoever they were, the ones who called the shots in all things perpetual.

“I see,” Lacy sighed, shaking her head. “He’s a good friend.”

“Yeah,” I said. “But, um… so I don’t know when he’ll be back.”

No later than a week, but I hoped it wasn’t that long. I needed to get this under control, because we couldn’t be together _all the time_ , but I’d gotten used to having him around, right next to me, for so long now. I got used to waking up next to him, going to sleep listening to him breathing next to me, showering with him, eating meals together…

We’d become domestic since our return from the Lake, it seemed. And this, I decided, was not a bad thing, not at all. I liked it. It felt more natural than it had with Rufus or John, but comparing them to Kieron wasn’t right. Kieron wasn’t in this for the sex; it seemed to mean little to a perpetual. The emotional bond, though… that meant a lot, and it was something John, Rufus and I had always been lacking.

We arrived at Denny’s, which was across town. I hadn’t been there in a while, but it sounded good right now. I was salivating even before we entered the restaurant. Amanda slept in Lacy’s arms as we followed a waitress to a table. A moment later she returned with a high chair for Amanda. Lacy held onto her instead, letting her sleep a little longer.

Amanda still had colic, though from what I’d heard, it wasn’t as bad as before. She was sleeping longer now, which meant Lacy and Tommy got to sleep longer, too.

The waitress took our drink orders and hurried off to collect them.

“So,” Tommy said, glancing at me, “what’s wrong?”

“Wrong?” I echoed, frowning at him. “Nothing, why?”

“Don’t give me that,” he sighed, shaking his head. “You’ve been all glum since we left the apartment.”

“Oh,” I murmured, looking away. “Am I that obvious?”

I thought I was hiding it pretty well.

“Yep,” Tommy said. “So what’s wrong?”

I shrugged, focusing on the menu in front of me, reaching to pick it up. I’d been a while since I’d been here, after all; I should probably look for something I wanted. “Kie was back for a while,” I said. “I got used to it. Apartment seems empty now.”

“You can’t be together _all_ the time.”

“I know…”

“You two are cute together,” Lacy said, grin evident in her voice. I glanced over at her. “Aren’t they, Tommy?”

Tommy scowled. “Not the word I’d use, but…”

Irritation crept through me. “You still don’t like him.”

He frowned. “I was just saying I wouldn’t use the word ‘cute’. I’m a man, after all. I call nothing cute.”

I took in a breath. “Sorry, I just… Yeah, okay, maybe I’m a little moody.”

Tommy hadn’t meant anything bad by what he said, and yet that aggressive nature took over again. I really, _really_ needed to get this under control.

“Terry,” Tommy said slowly, watching me, “are you sure he’s not…?”

“What?”

“Uh… never mind.”

“Say it,” I told him.

He sighed. “Are you sure he’s not controlling you? He’s not here; you can speak freely.”

The irritation returned, swiftly turning into a burning ember of anger. “He’s not controlling me,” I snapped, glaring at him. “Why do you think he is? And I thought you were getting along with him?”

I knew Tommy didn’t change his opinions of someone that easily, but he’d been civil about Kieron lately. I’d hoped…

“Tommy,” Lacy said, “that was rude. Apologize.”

He sighed again. “Sorry, Terry. I know you like him.”

“I do,” I snapped, the anger still burning through me, buzzing through my mind. “And it’s none of your business anyway, and he’s not controlling me! He’s not _using_ me.”

“Okay,” Tommy said quietly. “Okay, Terry. I believe you.”

I bit down hard on my tongue to keep from saying how much I didn’t believe that he believed me, because at that moment our waitress returned with our drinks.


	20. Troubled

Chapter Twenty: Troubled

 

_Kie? Are you there?_

It had been a week. A week since he left to visit Ashere, and I hadn’t heard from him since. My skin hadn’t itched or burned, so he wasn’t in danger, but it had been longer than I thought. Longer than I hoped. I’d tried contacting him a few times, but he never answered. I assumed he was busy, but as the days stretched on into the second week, my concern grew.

_Kieron? Please?_

**_Human?_ **

I released a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. _Hey, Kie, um… are… how are you?_

**_I’m okay. I’ll be back soon. A day or two._ **

I sighed, nodding even though I knew he couldn’t see me. _Okay, cool. How… How’s Ashere?_

I didn’t ask if he’d tried anything. That would be rude, and I was sure Kieron would have told me or let me know in some way if anything had happened.

 ** _Coping,_** he answered. **_Trying to keep himself busy. He was bonded to her for four centuries; he’s not used to being alone._**

I winched. Four centuries. Four-hundred-years, bonded to Blaine, and then to suddenly have it _gone_ …

I’d only been bonded to Kieron for a year or so and I couldn’t imagine his presence suddenly disappearing, being _silenced_. I couldn’t even imagine what it would be like if I had even a _century_ with him, let alone four. My sympathy for Ashere grew.

Suddenly I felt like I was intruding. Ashere was hurting, Kieron was helping him like a good friend should, and I felt like such an asshole for feeling resentment for it, for questioning Ashere’s motives. Maybe he wasn’t planning anything; he was just _hurting_ because his bond-mate was _gone_ , and it was all very sudden. One minute she was okay, the next she was just _gone_. At least her death was quick, but it was a small comfort. I didn’t like her, but I still didn’t like that she was dead.

 _I’m sorry for bothering you,_ I told him.

 ** _You’re not bothering me,_** Kieron surprised me by saying, some kind of emotion slipping through the bond as the link between us opened a little further. I couldn’t decipher the emotion, as it slipped by too quickly, brushing against my mind and then dispersing just as suddenly, but it left me smiling.

_I… I’m sorry about Blaine, Kie._

**_Yeah, human… me too._ **

_So… tomorrow, will you be back?_

I hoped so. He’d been gone a long time, and while I knew he was attempting to help Ashere, it still left me feeling… _off_. Different. I was used to him being here. I _liked_ being able to be so close to him for so long. Usually he was in Ethereal, fighting or training, while I was stuck _here_ , where it was _safe_. I was so tired of being left behind for my own well-being.

**_I’ll see what I can do._ **

That was probably the best I was going to get, so again I nodded even though, again, he couldn’t see me. _Alright,_ I told him. _Sounds good. I’ll… I can have dinner ready. If you want._

**_Sounds good, human. I’ll see you then._ **

_Okay, Kie. Um… just… be careful, and, um, yeah… I’ll see you tomorrow._

Humor brushed against my own thoughts, fleeting but there nevertheless.

**_Talk to you then._ **

The bridge between our minds closed off, then, our connection broken, and I sighed as my mind was once again my own. As always after a connection like that, I felt off, cold and somewhat alone. Especially alone in this apartment.

I sighed and entered the living room, sitting on the couch. I had little to do when I was alone. I’d completed my work for this month and cleaned the whole apartment, and caught up on TV shows I was vaguely interested in. There was nothing left to do to keep me occupied.

The phone rang, then, and I answered it, happy for the distraction from the silence and emptiness of the apartment. I really needed to get this under control.

_Except I have no idea how to do that._

“Hello?”

“Terry?”

I froze, the voice familiar. I took in a breath and closed my eyes. “What do you want, John?”

I hadn’t talked to him in months. I found I had no real desire to speak to him, despite the fact we used to be close, used to be best friends. Or, at least, I’d thought we were close at the time. Then he didn’t believe me when it mattered, so we weren’t as close as I’d thought.

“Don’t hang up,” he said.

“What do you want?”

“I just want to talk,” he said, “that’s all.”

“We have nothing to discuss.”

“Terry, c’mon, I just want to talk. Just a few minutes of your time, that’s all.”

I sighed, hesitating. I didn’t really want to talk to him, but I had nothing better to do for the time being and Kieron wouldn’t be back until tomorrow. We also used to be so close… I missed having friends, but found Kieron to be much better company than they’d ever been.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I finally said, sighing heavily as I shook my head even though he couldn’t see me.

“Terry, please?”

“John… leave me alone.”

“Just a few minutes,” he said again.

“No.”

If I was going to stop being his friend, it needed to be a clean break. It had been so far, and I wasn’t sure how he even got my number, and he didn’t know where I lived to my knowledge. Hanging up would be the easiest option.

“Bye, John.”

“Wait,” he hissed. “Terry, just listen to me, okay? Let me explain. Please. Five minutes of your time.”

“Please leave me alone, John.”

_Hang up. Just hang up the phone._

“Please,” he said. “Please, talk to me for a few minutes. We can meet at a public place, okay? How about Roger’s Café?”

I frowned, then. “That’s… How do you know what town I’m in?”

Roger’s Café was a small restaurant not too far away from my apartment. I could walk there, but would probably drive if I decided to meet him. I needed to just hang up.

“I gotta go, John.”

“Terry, _please_.”

The urgency in his voice left me sighing, indecision tightening in my stomach. What if he was in trouble? Stranded in town or something? It would be rude of me to just ignore him. No matter what he did or didn’t do to or for me, I couldn’t just ignore him if he was in trouble. As much as I wanted to hang up, I knew I couldn’t, if he sounded this _desperate_.

And he did sound desperate. Like something was very wrong.

“Okay,” I breathed, scrubbing a hand over my face, already regretting this decision but I couldn’t ignore someone in need, “I’ll… I’ll meet you there tonight, okay?”

I didn’t want to do it right now.

“Now, please?”

“John…”

_Please stop pushing me._

_Just hang up,_ my mind said.

My fingers itched to do just that.

“Okay,” I said, because if I did it later I’d lose my nerve and never go. I knew this. Maybe that was why I suggested later, because I really didn’t want to go.

But he sounded troubled, and despite what he did, I couldn’t in good conscience say no. I was raised to not ignore someone in trouble.

_I’m going to regret this, I just know it._

“Okay,” he breathed, relieved. “Okay, thanks, Terry. Just… Just meet me there in a few minutes, okay?”

“Alright,” I murmured, shaking my head. “I’ll be there.”

We hung up after he said ‘thanks’ again, sounding so relieved, and I shrugged on my jacket. It was getting colder these days, which made the apartment seem all the more empty, somehow. I couldn’t wait until tomorrow. Kieron’s return shouldn’t have made me this happy, but it did and there was little I could do about it.

We were bonded, after all. I was _supposed_ to want to see him.

I decided to take the car only because it looked like it was about to rain and I didn’t want to risk it. The last thing I needed was to be sick upon Kieron’s arrival. Could perpetuals get sick? Like with the flu or common cold? Better not risk it. Neither of us needed to be sick right now.

It took two minutes to get to Roger’s Café. I didn’t see John’s car anywhere, which left me frowning, but maybe he parked around back or something. I parked, got out and entered the café. After looking around, I realized I was the only one there despite the cars in the parking lot. A feeling of _wrongness_ inched up my spine, leaving me back up, toward the door, before the dark red stain on the ground caught my attention.

My gaze followed it as I stepped toward it, swallowing thickly. Behind a side booth lay the body of an old man, eyes staring blankly into a void I’d never see. Death crept over the building, even though the bodies were too fresh to be smelling of anything, I quickly turned to leave. It looked like that body had been dragged away, out of sight. Something terrible happened here. Maybe John really _was_ in trouble. Maybe he was dead now.

I would be too, if I didn’t move _now_.

I reached for the door only to be grabbed from behind and tossed across the room. I slammed into a back booth, my side slamming harshly into the edge of a table, and I slumped to the ground, groaning, vision spinning from the pain. Either a rib was broken or cracked or something; it _hurt_.

**_Human?_ **

_Kie… What…_

**_Where are you? What’s going on?_ **

He knew I was in trouble. Knew I was in pain.

 _Café,_ I told him, mind hazy from the pain still. _Don’t… I don’t know what’s…_

My thoughts tapered off as a hand grabbed the front of my shirt and hauled me to my feet. I blinked against the onslaught of fresh pain the sudden movement brought me, looking at the unfamiliar face before me. By the way the hand shook as I was held up, though, told me this was not a screamer or a perpetual. Perhaps it was just a crazy human, attempting to rob the place? Except John had seemed scared _before_ I agreed to come. Before this happened.

Behind him stood three more guys. One of them very familiar.

“J-John?” I wheezed, still attempting to catch my breath as I stared at my ex-friend.

John looked away from me, at the ground, looking guilty. Guilty because-

“You killed people!” I snapped, pulse racing but not because of the pain this time, but because of raw anger. “You… You murdered these poor people!”

_And me. You’re after me?_

He lured me here. Lured me here because he sounded _troubled_. Because he sounded so worried and _desperate_. Had it been a ruse? Surely I could tell the difference between sincere desperation and a lie, right? But apparently not.

“I’m sorry, Terry,” he said, swallowing thickly, but he still wouldn’t look at me, keeping his gaze firmly focused on the ground. “You don’t understand.”

“Fuck you,” I snarled, rage building inside of me yet again. I wondered if I could take these people, or at least fight them off so I could get away, like I had those people outside of the pizzeria, but nothing seemed to be happening right now.

“Take him,” the guy holding me said, tossing me toward the three. I was snatched by the other two, while John remained in the background, seemingly oblivious to my glares.

“I hate you,” I growled. “Fuck you.”

His shoulders stiffened but I was pulled away without another look at him. I tore my gaze away and focused on my attackers. I thought about fighting back and was about to do that, despite the way my ribs ached so much, but froze when something pressed into the side of my neck. I wasn’t aware of the shot until it was over, the needle being pulled away, and almost instantly my limbs felt so heavy.

My eyelids closed and that was it.

 

“Terry.”

Groaning, I pried heavy eyelids open and found myself in an unfamiliar room. My head throbbed and my body ached, reminding me of my ribs. I curled in on myself, wincing, before I looked toward the direction of the voice, gaze slowly focusing on an open door across the room. A figure stood in it, but I could only make out their silhouette.

“W-What?”

“Terry, I’m _sorry_.”

Recognition ran through me and I found myself growling as I pushed myself to my feet. “ _You_ ,” I snarled, glaring at the figure. “Fuck you! What the… What the hell, John?”

“Terry, I’m so sorry.”

“You killed those people!”

“I didn’t,” he said quickly as I attempted to walk closer, but found myself pulled back, coming to a stop.

I glanced down at the chain around my leg, locked with a padlock I knew I couldn’t break. I followed the chain to find myself tethered to the back wall. Memories of being held captive by the Master with Kieron fled back to me, and I swallowed thickly, glancing back at John.

“What’s going on?”

“I’m _sorry_.”

“So you keep saying,” I snapped. “What’s going on?”

“They have my family, Terry.”

“Your…?”

His family? What?”

“Why?”

“They… They want _you_. You and… and Kieron? Is that his name?”

I took in a breath, attempting to calm my suddenly racing heart but found it increasingly hard to do so. “Who are you working for?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “They didn’t give me a name. But they have my family, Terry. I’m sorry, but… but what was I supposed to do?”

“Fucking _warn_ me,” I growled. “You didn’t have to kill all those people! I don’t care if you say it wasn’t you, you still played a part in their deaths, you murderer!”

“Like you’re any better,” he snapped back, stepping further into the room. He flipped a switch on the wall as he shut the door behind him. It closed with a heavy clang as light flooded the room. He looked haggard and tired, troubled, but he was still a killer. A killer wearing the face of an ex-friend.

“I didn’t kill anyone.”

“And yet you’re the cause for so many deaths, aren’t you, Terry?”

I closed my eyes. “You know nothing.”

He couldn’t possibly know anything about that.

“No? They filled me in, Terry. On how you started a war. Let so many innocent people _die_. In another fucking _world_.”

My eyes flew open as I stared at him, voice lodged somewhere in my throat as I opened and closed my mouth, attempting to say something, anything, but I was just so shocked he knew _any_ of that. How could he possibly know that? That knot in my stomach doubled.

“John… How…?”

“ _I_ told him,” came another voice, and I glanced over to find the door closing again. I hadn’t even noticed it opening, too shocked at John’s words.

It wasn’t until I saw red eyes that I took a step back.

“ _You_ ,” I hissed.

The demon. _Drayden_ , as the Master called him – it? – once. The demon hunting me and Kieron. I hadn’t seen it or heard about it since we escaped that place. I was hoping it was dead or something, or had given up. But apparently not.

“You have caused me a lot of problems, human,” it said in that hissing voice.

I took in a breath. “Yeah, well… you tried to kill me last time, so…”

“I didn’t try to kill _you_ ,” it said. “Only your perpetual.”

“He’s not here, so you’re out of luck,” I said. Kieron was far away.

“Not yet,” the demon agreed with a small nod, “but he soon will be.”

I swallowed. “What do you mean?”

“Your perpetual will come for you, human. And when he does… Well. We have something planned for him this time.”

I closed my eyes, attempting to breathe properly, and not just because of my ribs. The demon was implying that they had a trap set for Kieron. They were ready for him, and dammit, I _knew_ he was coming for me. I knew he wouldn’t leave me, would come looking for me, would _find_ me like he _always_ did, and-

“Leave him alone,” I said quietly. “Please. Do what you want to me, but… but leave him out of this.”

“I knew you were his bitch,” John sighed.

I tossed him a glare, opening my eyes. “Fuck you,” I said. “You don’t even _understand_ what you’re doing right now.”

“Saving people,” John said. “Saving my _family_.”

“They’re gonna kill Kieron,” I snapped.

“I don’t even know the guy,” John told me, shaking his head, shaggy bangs falling into his eyes. He still wouldn’t quite look at me. “I don’t care about some… _perpetual_ , was it? Immortals don’t die.”

“They have a way,” I said. “They’re gonna fucking _kill him_.”

_And they’re right, he’ll come for me. He’s probably on his way right now._

He knew I was in trouble. I had no idea how long I’d been unconscious, or where we were. He could be arriving any minute for all I knew.

“That’s not my problem,” he said, sighing. “I did my part.” He looked at the demon, then. “You’ll let my family go now, right? We can leave?”

_Leave? You’re going to just leave me here?_

But why wouldn’t he? He’d walked away when I’d asked to be released before; why would now be any different? He was right, in a way. He didn’t know Kieron. Why would he pick me and Kieron over his family? But this was _wrong_. He had to know how wrong it was. He had to know this demon was _lying_ to him.

“If you do this,” I said to John, “a lot of people are going to die. I… I can’t stay here. They want me. They want _Kieron_. Please, John, you can’t just-”

“Don’t listen to him,” the demon said, dragging John’s attention away from me. “Your family is in the other room.”

John nodded. “Can I… have a minute to say goodbye?”

“If you must,” the demon said, before looking at me. “There is no escape, human. And once your perpetual is dealt with, the Master will be very pleased to see you.”

“Fuck you,” I hissed as he turned on his heel and left the room.

My gaze then settled on John.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this,” I said. “You… You have to know this is wrong.”

John shook his head. “My _family_ , Terry. Can you understand? What if you had to pick between me and Tommy?”

“I’d pick you both!”

“Not an option.”

I swallowed, desperation clawing at me. I couldn’t let this happen.

_Kieron, this is a trap!_

To my shock, he actually answered.

**_I’m aware, human._ **

_Kie, are you okay?_

**_I’m fine. How are you?_ **

_Ribs,_ I told him. _But don’t worry about that. You need to stay away, okay? They won’t hurt me. They want me alive. Stay away, Kieron._

**_Just because they want you alive doesn’t mean they won’t make you wish you were dead._ **

His words echoed through my mind. On some level I knew he was right.

“I’m sorry, Terry,” John said again, but I ignored him. If he wasn’t going to help me, he wasn’t important.

_Kieron, please. I’ll be fine. Just stay away._

If he stayed away, he’d be fine. If he stayed away, they wouldn’t capture him and kill him, and-

**_I’m not leaving you there. Are you crazy?_ **

_Kieron, **please** , stay away. I’m okay. I’ll be okay. Just – Kieron, don’t come after me. Stay away!_

“Are you ignoring me?”

“Fuck you,” I hissed, glaring at him. “If you’re not going to help me, please leave. I don’t have anything more to say to you.”

He sighed. “You’re making this difficult.”

“And here I thought betraying me was _easy_ for you.”

His eyes narrowed. “You think any of this was _easy_ for me? My _family_ was put in fucking danger because of _you_ , Terry! Because you kept me in the dark and let this happen!”

“I didn’t let it happen! I tried to stay away to keep you out of this!”

Not to mention the fact he was an ass at the time, but still. This was a logical reason to stay away as well. I already hated being around Tommy so much because one day he could get involved, too. He’d already been involved at the pizzeria, which was unacceptable. I was a danger to everyone…

**_No you’re not._ **

I blinked, unaware he’d been listening. _Kieron, stay away._

“I’m involved either way,” John said, dragging my attention back to him. I hoped Kieron was doing as I said. After ordering me around so much, he could listen to one little request, right? For his own safety?

“Just go,” I said. “Please. Just leave me alone.”

_Leave me alone or let me go._

**_I’m here._ **

My eyes widened. _Kieron, I said stay away! They have something planned for you!_

**_I know, human. I’ll stay back for now, let them think I’m not coming. But the minute you’re in trouble…_ **

I closed my eyes, breathing out a sigh of relief. _Thanks, Kieron. I’ll be fine._

He was going to stay away. He was here should he need to come after me, if I needed him, but he hadn’t been spotted yet and he wasn’t barging in to get me like the demon thought he would. He was listening to me. He was safe. For now.

I felt eyes on me and opened my own to find John watching me. “What?”

“I’m _sorry_ , Te-”

“I don’t _care_ ,” I told him. “Please just leave. You’ve done enough.”

He chewed on his lower lip, hesitating, before he sighed and nodded, turning to head toward the door. He flipped the light off, walked out and closed the heavy door behind him, leaving me in darkness.


	21. Fingers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has torture. Be warned.

Chapter Twenty-One: Fingers

 

Time passed. I wasn’t sure how much, but at least a day or two. I occasionally checked in with Kieron but attempted to not disturb him in case he was busy hiding and focusing on not being caught. I didn’t want to distract him.

John never came back, but I didn’t expect him to. He got what he wanted and left, just like always. I couldn’t really blame him, though. It was his family. Would I do the same in his predicament, if I had to choose between him and Tommy? I’d try to save them both because a life was a life, and I wouldn’t wish the screams, demon and Master on anyone, but in the end, if I couldn’t save both… I’d have to pick Tommy. He was my brother and he hadn’t betrayed me.

I felt terrible for thinking like that, but it was true. I’d always have to pick my brother over an ex-friend, so in a way I could see why John betrayed me like that, and left me here. I could understand, on some level, but the rage coursing through me left me unable to forgive him. It wasn’t just me he was putting at risk here, but _Kieron_. And this was not acceptable.

Thankfully Kieron was listening and staying away. I was shocked he was doing as I asked, but grateful nevertheless. I’d never forgive myself if he was hurt again because of _me_. It had happened too many times already, and they were ready for him this time. Ready to _kill_ him. Permanently. There would be no healing, no limbo to tether him to because I was stuck _here_ , unable to do anything to help him should he be caught.

My skin itched, but not because Kieron was in trouble. It itched because I was so _angry_ , and I didn’t even know why. I was pissed at John, yes, but it felt like it was more than that. The aggressor in me raged against the idea that this was a trap for Kieron; _I_ was a trap for Kieron. I was bait. Again. I’d been able to warn him, but what if he hadn’t listened? What if he’d had the bond closed off, focused on finding me, and didn’t respond when I called to him? What if we weren’t able to communicate like this? He would have arrived and been captured, and I didn’t even want to think about what would have happened next.

They’d _tortured_ him last time they caught him. Wanting to kill him was one thing; but making it last, torturing him like that, wearing him down and making me watch… that was horrible. I still had nightmares about it sometimes.

They tortured him then, when they had both of us and wanted things to go quickly. They wanted him to _suffer_. After angering them as we had, I couldn’t see them killing him quickly now, either. They’d make it last. They’d torture him again. And probably make me _watch_ again, except this time they’d make sure I couldn’t help him. They’d underestimated me last time; they wouldn’t do it again. They were _ready_ this time, according to the demon.

But thankfully Kieron was staying away. So I didn’t have to worry about that.

The door hinges creaked as it swung open. I glanced over as the lights flipped on. After being surrounded in darkness for so long, I winched and shielded my eyes with my hand, blinking at the approaching figure.

“This is taking too long,” the demon sighed.

“Sorry,” I said, shrugging, dropping my hand. “Kieron’s not really the ‘prompt’ type.”

“I know you warned him.”

“How could I?”

To my knowledge, no one knew about out telepathic conversations. At least, not the screamers, the Elders, and not the Master. Or, at least, I hoped they didn’t.

Red eyes watched me for a long moment. “I know you warned him. What did you tell him? That you would be _fine_?”

I swallowed. “How would I contact him? I’m stuck in here.”

It stepped toward me, a growl rising from deep within its throat. Unconsciously, my feet drove me backward, away from it until my back was against the wall. It followed after me, clawed fingers curling in the fabric of the front of my shirt, pressing against my chest, ripping fabric with those nails.

“Don’t test me, human,” it growled. “We have ways of drawing him out.”

“Look,” I said, swallowing, its hand pushing further against my chest, a heavy weight which was entirely unwanted, “he’s not here, okay? I don’t know where he is, but he’s not here.”

This was entirely true.

“It’s not my fault he’s not here yet.”

This was a lie. A complete and utter lie.

“You think I am stupid.”

I shook my head. “Of course not,” I said quickly, that weight growing heavier against my chest as I was pressed further against the wall. I winced, finding it mildly hard to breathe, its hand pressing against the bones of my chest cavity.

It smiled. It was all teeth and no mirth, a wolf eying its prey. “I know you’re lying, human. That is a mistake.”

And then it yanked me away from the wall, tossing me across the room as far as I could go. I was tugged back sharply by the chain around my ankle, twisting it and bruising the skin. By the time I rolled over, attempting to get to my feet, a clawed hand smacked against my shoulder, claws raking against skin, tearing through the shirt to leave gashes of blood in its wake. My cry was stifled as I was quickly rolled over, my head being pushed down until my forehead slammed into the ground, leaving me gasping and seeing spots, darkness momentarily flashing across my vision.

I didn’t realize my hands were now bound tightly behind me until my mind cleared somewhat as I was yanked to my feet, the chain now gone from my leg. Clawed hands grabbed my arms, shoving me toward the door as I tried to blink around the blood dripping down my face.

Anger burned through me, but not my own, I realized.

 _Kieron, you stay away,_ I snapped through my mind, hoping he heard me. _You stay the fuck away. I’ll be fine. They need me. Stay away._

If he didn’t stay away…

 ** _They don’t know human limitations,_** he surprised me by saying, irritation and a snarl evident in his voice. **_They could accidentally kill you._**

I hadn’t thought about that, I realized. Those two perpetuals at the Lake hadn’t realized throwing me over the balcony like that would have killed me, not just because I would have drowned but because the impact with the water would have probably killed me by itself, let alone sinking afterward. If Kieron had gone over with me…

So, yes, they could accidentally kill me.

And yet it didn’t change anything.

_Stay away, do you hear me? I swear to God if you come after me…_

**_This isn’t up for debate._ **

Panic clawed at me. _Stay away, dammit! You stay the fuck away! They’re ready for you, you idiot! They’ll kill you, do you understand?_

“Pay attention,” the demon snapped, smacking me on the back of the head.

My head jerked forward, leaving me wincing, pain echoing through me. I blinked, looking around to find myself in an unfamiliar room. Of course it was unfamiliar, I told myself; I’d never been here before. I never _wanted_ to be here, and I didn’t even know where I was, if I was in Ethereal or not. The room wasn’t as dimly lit as the one I previously left, but the things lining the back wall left me attempting to step away and leave. The hand pushing against my back left me staggering forward, toward the equipment.

“No,” I breathed, attempting to get away. “Look, I don’t know anything, okay?”

The demon laughed. “You had your chance, human. You chose to lie.”

“I’m not lying,” I said, eying the table he was leading me toward. There were two tables, one stained metal and the other wood. The wood one held equipment I didn’t want to think about right now; the metal one had straps. It was also stained with various colors. I recognized it as blood; dark red-brown, and the odd discolored blood of the screamers, and some other colors.

The table was stained in blood.

And the stuff on the other table…

_Oh, God, they’re gonna torture me._

 

It was a fight to get me onto the table. I tried to get away, got in a few punches, but they did little against the demon. After a particularly harsh blow to the head, I was left so out of it and winded that I was easily lifted and placed on the table, held down with a heavy hand on my chest as my free hands – the ropes had been cut away seconds before I started fighting – were stretched above my head and to separate sides, spread eagle as my legs were moved much the same way. Thick straps easily held me in place, straps around my hands and ankles, keeping me stretched out and helpless.

The strap around my neck, keeping my head firmly planted on the table, was probably the worst. It left me even more immobile, unable to twist in either direction.

My pulse raced, leaving me dizzy with anxious fear. I knew what was going to happen next. Knew it was going to fucking _hurt_ and it could possibly kill me. I probably already had a concussion or other head damage, but the pain barely registered as I watched the demon reach for something on the table.

“You don’t have to do this,” I said, swallowing, Adam’s apple bobbing against the strap around my neck. I tugged at the straps holding my hands down. “Okay? I don’t know anything. This… There’s nothing to tell!”

I’d never been tortured before. I’d seen it happen to Kieron, but his torture was different. It was stabs and slices because the golden blade really hurt him; the steam and cries of pain were evidence of that. For me… they’d have to do something else because I was human. I died a lot easier. A _lot_.

I also didn’t have a particularly high pain tolerance, although I was working on that. I’d been hurt plenty of times recently; it came with being the ‘chosen one’ or whatever it was I was to Ethereal. But I didn’t like pain; no one did.

I’d never been tortured before.

_Oh, God. This is gonna hurt._

And maybe kill me.

I closed my eyes, attempting to calm my breathing and racing heart, tugging at the restraints again.

My hand was grabbed. I tightened my closed eyelids, attempting to brace myself for whatever was going to happen next, while also trying to wiggle my hand out of its grasp.

Something pressed against my nail.

The cry ripped free of my throat as the nail was forcefully _ripped off_ , yanked right off the skin, fire coursing through my finger and into my wrist as I struggled on the table, biting down _hard_ on my lower lip to attempt to regain control of myself.

_Just a fingernail. It’s okay. It’s okay._

And then it happened _again_. And _again_ , until all the nails on my left hand except my thumb nail were _gone_. By this point my hand was ablaze and I was attempting to control my rapid breathing, the air suddenly too painful as it touched the open skin of the nail beds.

“Stop,” I gasped, attempting to roll away but the strap around my neck held me in place. “Stop! I don’t know anything!”

Fingers grabbed my left index finger. Before I could take a breath or prepare myself for more pain, it rolled over me in quick waves, slamming into me as my finger was twisted and _snapped_ , bent all the way back at an angle. The cry which ripped free of my throat left tears stinging my eyes.

 _“Stop_ ,” I choked. “Please! I don’t know anything, I swear!”

The next finger, my middle finger, was snapped. Then the ring finger. And the pinky.

By this point my breaths were sharp, pained gasps as I twisted and squirmed, struggling to break free, to _get away_ because this really fucking _hurt_ , but there was little I could do about it. I hoped I could do to the demon what I did to those things that attacked us at the pizzeria, but I was being _tortured_ and nothing had happened yet. I doubted it suddenly would now.

 _Oh, God,_ I thought, tears burning my tightly closed eyes. _Please stop, stop, stop, stop…_

Fingers grasped the index finger of my other hand. A strangled sound wrenched free of my mouth, either a sob or a gasp, I wasn’t sure.

 _“Please_ ,” I gasped, _“don’t!_ ”

**_Almost there, human. Hang on._ **

A new fear edged into my mind.

“ _Kieron,_ ” I breathed, “stay away, stay away…” _Stay away, stay away, stay away._

“I knew you warned him.”

I hadn’t realized I’d spoken aloud, but at the moment its hand left my finger. I chanced opening my eyes.

“Where is he?”

“I… I don’t _know_ ,” I breathed, swallowing. “ _Please_ , I don’t know. I don’t know anything.”

“And yet you do, don’t you?”

“I _don’t_.”

The demon laughed. My finger was caught again. I strained my head backward because he stood at the head of the table, where my hands were. I didn’t even want to look at my left hand.

“Please,” I said, watching him, “please don’t. I… I really don’t know anything, okay? I don’t know where he is. This… I don’t… _no, please-_ ”

My words were cut off by the cry that escaped me as that finger was snapped.

“I can do this all day, human,” the demon said.

“ _I don’t know anything_!”

Another finger was snapped.

A sob lodged in my throat as its finger slammed down on the abused digits of my left hand, pressing against blood and broken bones.

And then suddenly, it stopped.

The demon stepped away from me. I attempted to suck in as much air as I could, trying to reign in my rampant emotions, pain shooting through me with every breath. A figure stood in the doorway. I recognized them after a moment of watching them.

“Jorid is looking for you,” John said flatly, expression empty as he looked at the demon. “He says it is important.”

The demon laughed and looked at me. “Looks like your little perpetual decided to show up after all.”

“No,” I said, “he’s not here. He’s not here.”

_I told him to stay away!_

“It is very fortunate he arrived,” the demon said, still watching me. Bile rose in my throat, but not because of the physical pain at the moment. “Your pathetic human body probably couldn’t take much more, hmm? Is that right? And no one can ignore their bond-mate when they are in pain. Not even little animalistic perpetuals like yours.”

“He’s not here,” I said.

_Please don’t be here, you idiot. I told you to stay away! Kieron, you asshole, you better not be here! Kieron? Kie!_

He wasn’t answering. He’d answered quickly before, but now…

_Please, Kie, you gotta stay away, okay? Kieron? Answer me!_

“He’s not here,” I said again, swallowing.

“Oh, but he _is_ ,” the demon said, laughing as it moved toward the door, leaving me there, strapped to the table.

It passed John and left the room. John looked at me.

_Kieron, where are you? Kie!_

“Terry,” John breathed, approaching me, expression no longer so flat, “I’m _sorry_.”

_You let me be tortured, John. You brought me here. You did this._

So I had nothing to say to him.

_Kieron, fucking answer me!_

**_Sorry, human._ **

_Don’t be sorry. Why are you sorry? You’re not here, right?_

_Kie, fuck, tell me you’re not here!_

**_I’m sorry, Terry._ **

I closed my eyes, swallowing thickly. _Told you to fucking stay away, Kieron. Get away right now!_

**_I’m sorry._ **

_Why do you keep saying that?_

**_I’m sorry…_ **

The voice echoed through my head. It was faint, barely there. Getting quieter.

Fire inched up my arms, igniting my skin, leaving me groaning as I tossed my head back as much as I could, the pain in my hands momentarily forgotten.

_Kieron, get away! Right now! I’m fine!_

**_Sorry…_ **

_Don’t be sorry, just go!_

_… **Sorry…**_

I took in a breath. Every time he said that, he sounded exactly the same. It was like the word itself was an echo, shooting through my head, and not really him talking to me and _answering_ me.

_Kieron, please._

“I’m sorry, Terry,” John said, dragging me back to reality.

And the pain. The way my arms itched and burned. Kieron’s odd echo in my head.

“Let me go,” I wheezed, “okay? John, _please_ , let me go!”

“I… I can’t, Terry. My family…”

“They lied to you,” I snapped. “They lied and they’re not going to give you what you want! You were supposed to get them after you brought me in, right? Well, where are they, huh?”

He looked away, jaw taut.

“Exactly,” I hissed. “They’re not going to give them back to you. You have to fight for them, John – fight with me. Okay? Just… Just let me go.”

“I can’t.”

“John, _please_.”

The fire burned more through me. Kieron was in trouble.

_Kie, please. Leave!_

**_Human, shut up._ **

The voice was so irritated and familiar, and not that odd echo, that I could finally breathe again. _Kieron, you gotta leave, okay?_

**_Human, they found me before I started coming for you._ **

I took in a breath. _Okay, um… fuck. Okay. But you’re okay, right? You ran?_

**_I ran until they did that to you._ **

I knew he meant the torture.

 ** _But they were following me anyway,_** he continued. **_I might as well come get your sorry ass._**

_Kieron, you gotta leave, okay?_

**_Shut up._ **

_Kieron, **please** , you can’t come after me! They’re ready for you, okay? They’ll kill you!_

**_They’ll try._ **

_But they might succeed_ , I wanted to tell him, but I didn’t because John’s fingers ghosted over my poor left hand, leaving me gasping as the pain reignited and I glanced at him.

“Don’t,” I hissed. “Don’t fucking touch it.”

“I’m sorry, Terry,” he said quietly. “I’m so fucking sorry, okay? I didn’t… They said they wouldn’t hurt you. They just… want you for something, but they never said they’d fucking _torture_ you…”

He didn’t know about this, then. Somehow that didn’t make it any easier to look at him, or forgive him.

“Let me go, John,” I said softly, voice just as quiet as his. His gaze flickered to my face. “Let me go. We can get out of here and get your family. Okay?”

He watched me for a moment, chewing on his lower lip as he hesitated, thinking over my words. For a moment it looked like he was going to say yes, and undo these stupid straps. For a moment it looked like we could walk out of here and get Kieron and his family. For a moment it looked like everything would be okay.

For a moment…

But then he shook his head, regret clouding his face, as he took a step back, away from the table. “I’m sorry, Terry,” he breathed. “I’m so fucking _sorry_.”

“John,” I breathed, tugging at the restraints because he was going to leave me again. He was going to leave me here, with Kieron in trouble and that demon out there, ready to do something to me again. “John, don’t you leave. Don’t you – John, _please_!”

“I’m _sorry_ ,” he said as he stepped back further, into the doorway. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“Don’t leave me like this! John! They’re gonna kill Kieron! Please! Let me go!”

“ _I’m sorry_ ,” were his last words before he slipped out of the room, not even bothering to shut the door behind him.

Freedom was there. The door wasn’t closed or locked.

But there was no way I could get to it.

Freedom was there, but completely out of reach.

I tugged at the restraints, my hands aching, my skin itching and burning, and frustration and desperation left a sob tearing free of my lips, because these fucking restraints wouldn’t _come off_. They weren’t budging, no matter how much I moved or twisted or tried to get away, they wouldn’t fucking _let go_.

_Let go, let go, let go! Fucking let go!_

“Please,” I hissed, tugging, twisting, struggling. “Please, please, _please_ , let go, _let go_ , let-”

“Easy, human,” came a voice near my ear, and I opened my eyes which were burning for an entirely different reason now.

 _“Kieron_ ,” I choked, looking at him.

He smiled, though it looked rather strained. “I got you, human, you’re okay. Calm down.”

His hands eased over the straps on my legs, easily undoing them. I watched him the whole time, listening as my racing pulse slowed to a normal rate, the panic slowly dispersing.

Kieron was here. He was okay. He was getting me out of this and we’d escape and everything would be _fine_.

His face was covered in discolored blood. I knew he’d been fighting. His movements were a little stiff so I knew he was hurt. I might have felt phantom pains but I couldn’t remember. Everything ached.

My legs freed, he undid the strap on my neck, pausing momentarily to brush bangs out of my face. I stared at him, at the way he scowled.

“Did a number on your head,” he said quietly.

Oh, right. He was just checking the damage. Of course.

His hands moved toward the straps on my wrists. I could almost taste freedom.

Almost. _Almost_.

The door to the room slammed shut.

Kieron’s hands stopped moving against my wrists. I strained my neck, attempting to look at the door.

Red eyes stared back.

The demon smiled. “Hello, Kieron. So glad you could join us.”


	22. Dash for Freedom

Chapter Twenty-Two: Dash for Freedom

 

My perpetual growled in response to the demon’s words, even as the demon stepped forward, toward us. Kieron’s fingers returned to the straps on my wrists, and I sucked in a quick breath, attempting to calm myself. Just because the demon was here didn’t mean anything was going to happen. It didn’t mean Kieron would be hurt, or worse. We could still get away; it was only the demon.

The demon who tortured me. Turned John against me. Had plans for Kieron. Had thrown Kieron around like he was nothing, before. At the time Kieron had been healing from that sword ramming through him, but even so…

_Kie, get me out of these straps._

We needed to get out of here.

“Terry here wishes you could have come sooner, I’m sure,” the demon said, teeth flashing in a wicked, unnatural grin.

_Not true. Told him to stay away._

“I knew you couldn’t ignore him if he was in pain.”

Kieron growled, lips pulling back into a snarl when I looked at him, his fingers unfastening the strap on my poor left hand before focusing on the right. I pulled my left hand down to me, wincing at the movement as heavy fingers didn’t even twitch.

“Where were you when we caught your human, Kieron?”

_With Ashere. Because he’s a good friend and Ashere was hurting. Not his fault I trusted John._

“Sorry to disappoint,” Kieron said, fingers finally freeing my right hand. I pulled it toward me as I sat up, cradling my poor left hand.

“Not disappointed,” the demon said with a quick laugh. “I’ll admit, the distraction was nice, but I am not easily fooled.”

_Distraction?_

What did he mean by that?

“I’m afraid this is the last stop for you, though.”

“Bite me,” Kieron said.

I climbed off the table, standing next to him on somewhat shaky legs, pain still echoing through me. My hands were swollen and red and purple. They _hurt_. I wasn’t even sure _why_ this demon didn’t attack while he was setting me free. Perhaps it was so confident in its ability to capture and kill Kieron that it didn’t worry about me and assumed I would be of little use to my perpetual.

_Fuck you. I won’t let anything bad happen._

The demon stepped closer. Kieron snagged the back of my shirt, pulling me backward, behind him. A golden blade appeared in the demon’s clawed hand, and I attempted to shift forward. If I stood in front of Kieron, the demon would have go through me, and it wouldn’t do that because it needed me. Stabbing me was a lot different than breaking my fingers, after all.

“Kie,” I whispered. “C’mon, we gotta run.”

“Go,” he said.

“Kieron, dammit-”

The demon lunged. Kieron easily pushed me aside and ducked under the oncoming swipe. The claws came as a surprise, easily slashing across his side as he moved away, leaving him growling and me groaning as the phantom pain shot through me. The demon seemed to have gotten faster since the last time we saw it. I wasn’t sure what to think about that but I knew it was bad.

The two collided, then, my perpetual and the murderous demon. Red blood sprayed the air and more phantom pain echoed through me. A snarl caught on my lips as I ran forward. To do _what_ , I had no idea, but I had to do _something._

Kieron got in a few good swipes on the demon, but the demon bled little. No matter how deeply Kieron’s claws swept, very little blood left the creature and thus it didn’t waver in its strength and brutality. When the steam hit the air and Kieron smacked against a wall after having been thrown forcefully across the room, back connecting with a sickening crack, I lunged at the demon, wounded hands and human body be damned. Nobody did that to _my_ perpetual.

Primal instinct, primal need.

 _Mine_.

I didn’t feel the pain when my right hand curled into a fist and connected with the demon’s face. Didn’t feel the pain as my broken bones shifted, partially stabbing through skin, didn’t feel it as I brought my other hand up to do the same with my other hand. It didn’t hurt the demon, but left it staring at me in confusion. I knew it was wondering what I was trying something so trivial; we both knew it wouldn’t do anything.

But it kept him away from Kieron long enough for my perpetual to make it back to his feet, phantom pain the only pain I currently felt, and I ducked as I felt him flying toward the demon, a snarl emitting from his throat. I ducked beneath him as he tackled the demon, smacking it against the wall behind it, leaving an indentation in the concrete.

There was a lot of quick, rapid movement which went by too fast for me to really know what was happening, but in the end the demon wrapped clawed hands around Kieron’s neck, slamming my perpetual against a wall and lifting him off the ground, and then squeezed.

Kieron’s clawed hands came up. One of the demon’s hand batted his away, releasing his throat while the other continued to squeeze and push and lift him off the ground like he was _nothing_ , and there was a flash of gold as the demon waved it in front of Kieron’s face.

“You shouldn’t have come alone,” it laughed.

“What makes you… think I came alone?” Kieron muttered through clenched teeth, still clawing at the demon’s hand and its iron grip.

I rushed forward, hands wrapping around the hilt of that golden blade as it began to slash toward Kieron’s chest. “No!”

The door behind me opened, but I couldn’t look. If it was a screamer or another enemy of some kind, I didn’t care at the moment. The demon turned that blade toward _me_ instead of Kieron, and I found I was kind of okay with that.

_Just leave him alone._

“Drop him,” a low voice snarled from behind me, deep and baritone.

The blade focused on _me_ instead of Kieron, I allowed myself to look at the room’s new occupants.

Two people stood there, partially transformed with animalistic features, sharp teeth and claws, and this inhuman glow in their eyes. It reminded me a little of Kieron and Bekkah; they had to be more perpetuals, perhaps of Kieron’s status. The lower third of the pyramid.

In the distraction, Kieron tore free of the demon’s grip with a low, pained grunt as the demon quickly turned that blade back toward him. Kieron’s legs kicked at the demon’s stomach, shoving deep into skin in a quick burst which left the demon staggering back. The hand released from his throat, my perpetual slid to the ground, steam surrounding him from a new slice down his left shoulder, slipping toward his chest.

I ducked down next to him, snagging his arm, hauling him to his feet. “Kieron, we gotta go,” I said quickly, hoping these two perpetuals were there to help. I dragged my perpetual back toward them, keeping my gaze locked on the demon.

The demon flashed a toothy, feral grin at me. It left tendrils of wrong seeping through my body, and just like that, the pain returned. The way my hands ached like they were being stabbed over and over, the way bones protruded through skin, the fatigue weighing heavy in my bones, and of course the phantom pains seeping through the bond from Kieron’s end, the steam still seeping from his wounds.

It was then I noticed the blade clasped tightly in Kieron’s right hand, having been torn from the demon’s grip as he kicked it away in the distraction created by the arrival of these two perpetuals.

The demon was stronger than Kieron, and always would be, but it was unprepared for the sudden arrival of back-up.

“I have a theory,” Kieron said, his half-transformed voice making it come out more like a growl as he waved the blade in front of him, watching as those red eyes slid toward it.

“And what’s this theory, perpetual?” the demon snarled.

“I saw your hand.”

I blinked, frowning at those words before I looked at the demon’s hand which had previously held the knife. It was very subtle, practically unnoticeable, but there was a tear in the black gloves it wore that I hadn’t noticed before. Clawed hands, to me, were clawed hands; having gloves didn’t change that. But now I looked at the rip in those gloves, at the reddened, almost _burned_ flesh beneath, and the slight string of steam slipping free of it.

_The knife hurt it._

The hilt of the blade hurt the demon’s hand.

Perhaps it was lethal to the demon, just like it was to Kieron.

Kieron shifted his knife to his left hand, holding up his right hand. It, too, was steaming and reddened, and I winced at the sight.

“So my theory is that this hurts you just like me.”

“Deductive,” the demon drawled, rolling its red eyes. “But it won’t help you.”

“Maybe not,” Kieron agreed, “but I have another theory.”

“And what’s that? Enlighten me, perpetual.”

“You demons always have masters,” Kieron said as I glanced at him, unsure as to what he was planning or talking about. “I have a feeling yours is using you. Not blackmailing you, because let’s face it, you _like_ that kind of stuff. But perhaps threatening you. With permanent death?”

Something in the demon’s eyes flashed and darkened. “You know _nothing_ ,” it hissed, taking a step forward.

Kieron lightly pressed his elbow into my arm. “Go, human,” he said quietly.

“What? I’m not leaving you, Kie.”

**_I’m right behind you._ **

I took in a breath. _You better be._

I turned, looked toward the doorway, and ran.

Footsteps followed after me. I was vaguely aware of a battle raging behind us as the other two perpetuals lunged toward the demon, giving us time to leave the room, and glanced over my shoulder at Kieron just to make _sure_ he was behind me.

He grabbed my shoulder, stopping me momentarily as he looked around, sniffing the air, before he nodded down a side hallway. I hadn’t paid attention on my way to the torture room so I didn’t really have any idea where I was, but I knew he could get us out of here.

We were together, and we were both alive and relatively okay.

Relief ebbed through me the further away from that room we got.

It was short-lived, though, as two screamers emerged from around a corner, snarling as they instantly lunged for Kieron. Kieron shoved me aside as he was tackled, and pain burned through me, leaving me growling as I rushed toward them though I wasn’t sure what I was going to do; I had no weapon, and my hands were… pretty useless at the moment. They’d gone thankfully numb, though, too swollen to really feel.

Kieron snarled, smacking one of them off before slashing at the second. I jumped on the first one’s back as it attempted to dart back toward Kieron, wrapping my arms around its neck as I clung to its misshapen back. It seemed startled I was attacking it, almost like it had completely forgotten and neglected my presence, because I was a pathetic _human_ , and I took advantage of this face, attempting to maneuver it into a wall while Kieron shoved the second screamer away from him as well.

“Knife?” I breathed, struggling to hang on.

A clawed hand scraped across my arm as the screamer reached for me, easily plucking me off its back and throwing me aside. I slammed into Kieron, who staggered back but managed to keep his footing, arms coming around me to keep me from crashing to the ground.

“Gave it to Gorren,” Kieron grunted in response. “They’re fighting the demon, so…”

I took in a breath. In a way it made sense; the demon was the larger threat, really, and they were fighting it so they needed the knife more than us, right? Except I really hated being without a weapon.

Then again, I wouldn’t be able to hold it anyway. I was _useless_.

My back was wet. Wet from Kieron’s chest against me.

He was hurt.

Badly, if the blood was anything to go by, and yet he easily pushed me aside as the screamers lunged forward again, becoming the world’s best shield as he took their slashes which were most likely aimed at _me_ , in an effort to apprehend me and put me out of commission. I was still to be captured, after all. And they weren’t too aware of human limitations when it came to how much damage we could take without dying.

“ _Go_ ,” he snapped at me.

“I’m not-”

“I’m right behind you!”

I eyed him for a second, swallowing thickly. Our best bet _was_ to just keep running, and I knew this, but what if he _wasn’t_ going to be right behind me, and-

“Human!”

I took a breath. “C’mon, Kie!”

I turned on my heel and darted in the direction we’d been moving in earlier, before the screamers intercepted us.

_You better be right behind me._

I darted around a corner, hoping this was the right way to go, before I paused and listened. No footsteps echoed after me. Growling, I began going back around the corner when Kieron nearly trampled me. He growled, snagging my arm and tugging me forward as we ran down the hallway.

“Idiot,” he hissed.

I wasn’t sure how long we ran, but eventually Kieron stopped, slammed his shoulder into a door until it burst open, and pushed me through it. Fresh air surrounded us as we finally got out of that damp, dark and cold building. It was dark outside, and we were out in the country somewhere, it seemed, though from the looks of the larger than life trees, I assumed we were in Ethereal.

Warm hands landed on my shoulders, guiding me away from the building, encasing me with a sense of _security_ which left me relaxing. We quickly moved away from the building even as I heard the snarls of screamers exiting the building in our wake.

Kieron staggered behind me.

 _Staggered_.

“Kie?” Alarm shot through me, but his hands were still firm and heavy on my shoulders.

“ ‘m fine,” he said. “Tired. Need to heal. Keep going.”

Short, clipped sentences. Exhaustion evident in his voice, faint pain echoing through me via the bond. I knew he was hurt and needed to sleep and heal, but at the moment it wasn’t safe to do that.

“Keep going,” he said again. “Ashere…”

I frowned. “Ashere?”

We hurried forward a little faster. Ashere emerged from behind some trees, as did Bekkah, and relief rushed over me.

_Thank God._

“We’ll take care of them,” Bekkah promised, looking at my hands. “Take care of him, Kie.”

Kieron grunted in response, dragging me past them even as Bekkah and Ashere moved to intercept the screamers. I hoped they’d be okay, and that the screamers didn’t have a golden blade or anything. Then again, if they _did_ have something like that, they would have used it on Kieron when they attacked us in the hallway, but they hadn’t.

Screamers were still tough.

I hoped they’d be okay. I didn’t need anyone else _dying_.

 

“Give.”

I frowned, blinking at Kieron. We were back at my apartment, surprisingly, having found a gateway nearby. Getting back to my apartment had been surprisingly easy, and I found I had new perpetuals staying around the block to keep an ‘eye’ on me.

“What?” I asked.

Exhausted blue eyes glanced at my face. “Your hands,” he said. “Give them to me.”

“W-Why?”

My hands hurt. True, they were numb-ish at the moment, but having him _touch_ them wasn’t going to help. It was just going to reignite the pain.

“Human,” Kieron sighed tiredly, “just listen to me.”

I took in a breath. He was exhausted; I needed to let him sleep, but he wouldn’t until ‘helped’ me, however he was going to do that. I knew this. So I nodded and allowed his hands to glide over my own. At first, there was a brief touch of pain, but then there was this odd _warmth_. His hands closed over my own, encasing them, pushing down on my fingers until they were like they should be, bones aligned and no longer poking through skin.

His expression slightly contorted – either in pain, exhaustion or concentration, I’d never know – and his eyes slid closed as I watched him, astonished at the way the pain in my hands just _vanished_. The warmth slipped from my fingers, into my hands, my wrist, and up my arms, feeling me with this sense of rising _contentment_ the likes of which I had never felt before.

“Kieron,” I said quietly.

One eye opened. “Bones are… hard to heal.”

“Then don’t,” I murmured. “Just… You can do this later, okay? Rest, Kie. You’re about to fall over.”

This was evident in the way he was partially leaning to one side, his eyes were red and bloodshot with exhaustion, and his hands shook slightly against my own. He was running on reserves, the blood still too bright on his light gray shirt, evidence of the wounds he received. He’d been attacked with that golden blade, and stabbed at _least_ twice with it, maybe more. Nothing fatal, thankfully, but it combined with the other injuries and constant fighting took their toll on him.

“You’ll be in pain all night.”

I took in a breath. “That’s… That’s okay, Kie. I… I’ll deal with it.”

His other eye blinked open as he watched me for a long moment, before he sighed and raised my poor left hand to his mouth.

I watched, semi-transfixed, as he slipped the first digit passed his lips and into his mouth, gently sucking on it, tongue swirling around the wounded areas, but there was no pain. I was vaguely reminded of before he could really heal me, when he could only soothe the pain a little, and he’d licked me to do so. Was this what he was doing now?

He did this to every finger on the left hand, then moved to the right.

_Thank you, Kie._

He didn’t have to do that. But I truly appreciated it. Warmth ebbed through me.

Finally, he was done, and dropped my hands, gaze skittering away from me as he pushed to his feet from where we sat on the couch. He staggered, almost like he was drunk, and caught himself on the kitchen table as he attempted to maneuver into the bedroom. I jumped to my feet and caught his arm with my nearly mended hands, easing him into the bedroom and onto the bed, where I promptly took off his shoes and covered him up. He blinked up at me, a small frown crossing his face, before he sighed and closed his eyes.

“Sleep, Kie,” I said quietly. “Thanks for the hands.”

“No pain tonight,” he murmured quietly. “Tomorrow’s ‘nother story…”

“Okay, Kie,” I said, smiling at him even as I brushed back stubborn blue bangs. He didn’t bat an eye or respond to it, but that was okay because he also didn’t move away. He allowed it. “Thanks for everything. Get some sleep. I…” I closed my eyes, attempting to find the appropriate words for what I was feeling at the moment, but nothing seemed right. “I’m… I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Sure, hu-man,” he slurred, sleeping easily beginning to claim him, his face quickly going slack. “You t-oo…”

I grinned, brushed his bangs back again, and then moved around to climb into my side of the bed, my hands blissfully numb and no longer so swollen. The skin from where the bones had protruded were healed now, but the digits were still broken. I could feel bones shifting, but there was no pain.

_Thanks, Kieron. I… I appreciate it._

A lot.

I closed my eyes, and was asleep in the next minute.


	23. Between Duty and Caring

Chapter Twenty-Three: Between Duty and Caring

 

I woke feeling sticky and tired. I ached all over, and as I moved, my fingers brushed against the covers and my pillow, and the pain which shot through me was quick and stabbing in its intensity. I gasped, sat up and looked at my poor abused hands in the daylight filtering through the closed blinds and curtains of my bedroom window, which was on the far wall behind Kieron.

I glanced at my perpetual, attempting to shove the pain out of my mind. He was still asleep, but it wasn’t peaceful. Healing was _never_ peaceful and easy, which was why I _hated_ it when he got hurt. Healing for him was basically to go through the initial injuries again, but this time in reverse. They had to ‘undo’ the damage which had been done to them.

So his sleep wasn’t peaceful. There was this crease in his brow I was entirely too familiar with. I saw him hurt and healing far too often, and I always hated it. Hated it so much because there was nothing I could do to help. I couldn’t heal him like he could with me; I couldn’t take the pain away like he did with me. I could only sit there and watch and wait for him to wake up, and he’d be tired for a while. And I knew when he woke up he’d attempt to fix my hands, which would make him more tired because his body would focus on fixing _my_ wounds instead of fixing his _own_.

_I’m sorry, Kie._

Sorry I was such a burden.

A danger to everyone. Even people I didn’t talk to anymore. John should have been safe; I hadn’t spoken to him in months. I hadn’t seen him in months, either. He shouldn’t have been on the demon’s radar at _all_ , and yet because of me, his family was taken and he was pulled into everything. Yes, he betrayed me; he lured me into a trap, and nearly got Kieron caught as well. I knew that if Kieron had been captured – and subsequently _killed_ – I wouldn’t have ever had the will to forgive him, but we were both okay right now. Okay and healing. We were alive.

And thus I could _almost_ forgive him. I could understand his point of view. I wasn’t in his life anymore; we left on bad terms. Why would he choose me over his own family? He had a little sister to worry about, and his parents. Three lives for the price of one, in his mind. In a way, he was right to choose his family. I couldn’t blame him for that because I wasn’t entirely sure I wouldn’t have done the same thing.

But he put Kieron at risk, and the aggressor in me didn’t like that. At all.

It also led to me getting _tortured_ , and I shivered as I remembered it. Remembered that room, that table, those straps and the way that demon broke my fingers one at a time, barely giving me a chance to breathe in between its attacks. It hurt like hell, and with the added bonus that Kieron said he was coming for me, and then the demon saying they’d caught him. Caught my perpetual. So I’d had that to worry about on top of the physical pain, and then John walking away again, and Kieron’s new injuries…

_John’s fault._

I could forgive him for betraying me, I realized. I could forgive him for picking his family over an ex-friend. I could even, eventually, forgive him for the torture, because I brought that on myself. But I couldn’t forgive him for putting Kieron at risk, too. That was where I drew the line.

_I almost got you killed again._

_Again_.

I closed my eyes, took in a breath, and released it slowly. I was a danger to everyone, especially Kieron. He was in danger because of _me_. Had we never met, he would have been _fine_.

He wouldn’t have been hunted. He wouldn’t have been nearly killed with that golden blade. He wouldn’t have been in _danger_ at _all_ , if it weren’t for _me_.

_I’m sorry, Kieron._

**_Knock it off._ **

His words, echoing through my head, startled me. I opened my eyes and glanced over at him, swallowing at the half-lidded blue eyes filled with exhaustion.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly. “Did I… Did I wake you?”

“Yes,” he said, scowling at me. “Knock it off. It’s not your fault.”

“But… it kind of is,” I told him. “You’re being hunted because of-”

“If you weren’t with me,” he said, watching me, “you’d be with some other perpetual, or some other Etherian. Someone less equipped and less trained to survive two wars. So, human, you’re kind of stuck with me for the time being.”

I took in a breath, offering a small smile. “I guess… I guess you’re pretty okay to be stuck with.”

He sighed, closing his eyes, brow furrowing somewhat. “How are your hands?”

“They… They’re fine, Kie, don’t worry about it.”

He needed to focus on healing. I could deal with a little pain for the time being. The swelling was down, the cuts from where the bone poked through skin were non-existent now, and while the bones were still broken and the fingernails were still gone, it was so much better than it had been yesterday.

“You’re a terrible liar, human.”

“Really, Kie, they’re _fine_.”

His eyes opened, glancing at me as he pushed himself up on his elbows, wincing as sore muscles ached in protest. He was always stiff when he woke up from healing. “Come here.”

“Kie, _really_ , they’re-”

His eyes narrowed. “I’m asking nicely. I _can_ force you.”

“It’s not a big deal,” I protested. “It’ll heal on its own.”

“In _months_ ,” he said, watching me. “And they won’t heal right because it’s not a clean break. You won’t have any feeling in your left index finger. You won’t be able to hold anything very well in your left hand. Is that what you want?”

I closed my eyes, grimacing at the list he provided. “No,” I said quietly. “I don’t want that.”

“Then come here.”

I sighed, moving to sit against his side. His fingers curled around my own, and that odd warmth from last night returned.

“Might take a while,” he said. “Bones are stubborn. Don’t like to listen.”

“Listen?” I echoed, opening my eyes.

He scowled. “Nothing. Hold still.”

 

Two days later I was feeling a lot better, and so was Kieron, it seemed. Ashere arrived the day before to tell us we were safe for now, but not to get too comfortable in case we had to leave, ‘for our own safety’. I wasn’t looking forward to that; I just wanted to stay here and never leave.

Even so, I tried to make the most of our time at the apartment. We might have to leave, and I might never get to come back. I’d have to move again. Tommy would think I just disappeared for a month or however long we might be gone, and blame Kieron all over again. I wasn’t looking forward to any of this.

Sighing, I glanced at the boiling pot on the stove and added the pasta. Kieron never got to really enjoy spaghetti last time; now I was going to make chili. It was getting colder out; it seemed appropriate, and Kieron said he’d never had it before. A smile slid across my face; this could be something new for him, and I got to introduce him to it.

That odd anger I felt every time I thought about Brian, or Brian’s father, or whoever introduced Kieron to the human world, flared up again. It was unwanted and unwarranted because it didn’t _matter_. And yet the bond was less than pleased.

Kieron was currently taking a hot shower. I’d done so yesterday, scrubbing away the dried blood once my hands were even close to normal. Now, I was shocked to find you couldn’t even tell they’d been broken and abused. My fingernails were mostly scabs, but Kieron said that fix itself within the weak; fingernails just had to grow a little more naturally, and not by his intervention. I was sure he was also exhausted from attending to my wounds instead of his own, so I didn’t question it. I could deal with this. This was perfectly fine; it didn’t hurt unless I bumped them wrong.

I turned the burner down a little, not wanting the pot to overflow, and stepped away from the stove to grab the ground up hamburger I’d fixed earlier. I slipped it into the boiling pot, mixed it with the macaroni and spaghetti noodles, and added some chili powder. It smelled good.

I hoped he liked it.

I didn’t know what his preferences were for food – if he had a favorite food, what it was, what he hated… We never discussed it. He seemed to know what _I_ liked, as he’d ordered for me a few times at restaurants, without me even saying anything, or really looking at the menu. I felt almost ashamed that I didn’t know him enough to order for him if the need arose.

_I hope he likes this…_

When I said I was going to fix chili, he didn’t protest, just said he was going to take a long, hot shower. He slipped into the bathroom a few minutes after I started cooking the meat. He didn’t protest the meal, but said he’d never had it before. I hoped that meant he was okay with trying it.

The phone rang, startling me out of my thoughts. I frowned; last time I’d answered the phone, I’d been lured into a trap. It was silly to let it bother me, though. It was a fluke occurrence; it wouldn’t happen again.

I plucked the phone from the cradle and brought it to my ear. “Hello?”

“Terry?”

“Hey, Tommy,” I said, smiling, feeling my body relax a little. I knew it wouldn’t be John again, but some part of my mind had worried nevertheless. “What’s up?”

“I was wondering if you had plans for dinner? Lacy is making a huge meal.”

I chewed on my lower lip. “Actually, I’m making chili,” I said. “Kieron’s never had it.”

“Never had chili?” he asked incredulously.

I shrugged, though he couldn’t see it. “I know, I know, poor deprived child.”

“Exactly! How tragic.”

I laughed, smirking. “I know, right? But, yeah, we’re going to eat here. Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Tommy said. “I know I… I know I’ve said some bad things about him in the past, and I don’t like him too much, I’ll admit, but I trust you, Terry. He… He seems to make you happy.”

“He does,” I said quietly, realizing this was very, very true. I was always in a better mood when he was around. I’d never tell him this, of course, but I had a feeling he knew anyway. Mental bond, and all. Memory sharing and all that.

_Oh, God._

What if he saw what happened when I was at John’s the last time? With our stupid little ‘deal’? A chill inched up my spine. I struggled to push it away. He hadn’t seen it, I rationalized, or he would have mentioned it, surely. We were together, after all – he was my boyfriend. He wouldn’t just let that memory slip by without asking me about it, without… _caring_ …

I closed my eyes, taking in a breath.

“Terry? You still there?”

“Yeah,” I breathed. “Sorry. What?”

“You went quiet on me,” Tommy said. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” I said. “Everything’s fine, just… um… the chili almost overflowed, that’s all.”

_Lie, lie, lie._

“Oh,” he said uncertainly. “Okay. If you’re sure…”

“Yeah,” I said. “Sorry, Tommy, but it’s almost done. Kie’s gonna be done with his shower any minute.”

“Oh… He’s there again?”

“He lives here,” I said, narrowing my eyes at the stove as though it were to blame. “So, yeah, he’s here.”

“Right. Sorry, Terry. I don’t mean to… be rude.”

I took in a breath, scrubbing a hand across my face, careful of my fingers. “Look, we’ll… we’ll try to have dinner together tomorrow, okay? We can go out to eat or something.”

“Yeah, okay, that sounds good,” Tommy said. “I’ll let you go, then.” He sighed heavily, then. “Have fun with your boyfriend. Your ‘fresh out of the shower’ boyfriend.”

I hadn’t even thought of that.

A grin slid across my face. “Why, Tommy, you devious little thing, you.”

“ _Don’t_ tell me about it. No details.”

“Well, you see, he’s got these _moves_ and-”

“ _No details_ , Terry.”

I laughed. “Talk to you later, Tommy.”

“Later, Terry.”

We hung up, and I turned my attention back toward the chili.

The bathroom door opened and out walked my perpetual. He had a towel, but it wasn’t around his waist. No, he was running that through his hair while he padded through the bedroom completely naked. He had no sense of modesty!

I watched him. “Help you with something, Kie?”

He tossed me a scowl. “We have no clean clothes.”

 _We_.

The word filled me with warmth. It was like he actually _did_ live here; like he was _supposed_ to be here, like this was really our place. I told Tommy he lived here, and he did stay here when he was here, but I didn’t think he actually lived _anywhere_ , to be honest. In Ethereal he was always on the move; he didn’t have a home. Here, he could stay with me, but he was usually going back and forth between here and Ethereal.

Hopefully he found comfort in this apartment with me.

At least a little.

“Sorry,” I said, still watching him. I loved fresh out of the shower Kieron.

_Mmm…_

“Do laundry, human.”

“Hey,” I said, “I’m not the house wife.”

“Well it sure as hell isn’t me.”

I laughed at the thought. “Well, technically, I think you’ve cooked in this kitchen more than I have.”

This was… surprisingly true. He cooked breakfast occasionally, or some sandwiches or pizza. I usually only cooked when he wasn’t here, and it was usually ramen noodles or something simple.

Blue eyes rolled at me. “Laundry, human. Clean clothes are important. You do understand personal hygiene, right?”

I shrugged. “What’s that, again?”

“I will smack you.”

“No you won’t. And anyway, dinner’s almost done. You can totally eat naked.”

Yes, I did just say that out loud. No, I didn’t regret it.

His scowl deepened. “Laundry,” he said again, before snagging a pair of semi-clean clothes and disappearing into the bathroom again, leaving his towel behind on the bed.

I laughed and returned to the kitchen.

 

“Kie,” I asked later that night, as we lay in bed. The bedside light was turned on, on Kieron’s side, and he was sitting up in bed, reading a book. Kieron liked to read; it surprised me at first, but now I tried to keep a book somewhere on the table on his side whenever I could.

“Hmm?” he asked, gaze focused on the pages before him.

“Do you…” I took in a breath, watching him. “What memories of mine have you seen?”

He tossed me a quick glance. “What do you mean?”

“Just… There… There are some things that… I don’t know. Just tell me? What memories?”

“Not many.”

“That’s not what I asked,” I said, scowling as I pushed myself up on my elbows, eying him.

He sighed. “Why do you want to know?”

“Why’s it so hard to tell me? It’s a simple question. What memories have you seen?”

“Why, human? What is it suddenly so important to you?”

I frowned, chewing on my lower lip, uncertain as to how to answer that. I honestly wasn’t sure why it was so important right now, but it was. It felt important. I wanted to know. “Just tell me, please?”

His gaze returned to his book. “Which particular memory are you reluctant for me to see?”

I winced. “Am I that obvious?”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

I sighed, shaking my head as I sat up completely. “There… before… before we got captured by the Master and you…”

“Was tortured,” he said flatly, gaze never leaving the book. “Continue.”

“Before then,” I murmured. “Um… You remember John…”

“Yes. The human who betrayed you, lured you into a trap, and used to be your best friend.”

I blinked. “Uh, yeah. That’s him. Well, before… before you took me to Ethereal that first time, after we met, I made a deal with him.”

“A deal.”

“A deal,” I said with a nod. “That… I would be his sex slave for a week. For his birthday and everything. It… It didn’t mean anything to me at the time. Just… Just sex, you know? Not important.” I took in a breath. He hadn’t looked at me yet, or responded much at all. I had no idea what he was thinking. “Anyway… he came to collect before we were… before you were… Well, you know. Before then. So I went to his place for a few days, and… and…”

“I know,” he said. “You don’t have to say it.”

“You… You know?” I frowned at him but he still wouldn’t look at me.

“You honored a commitment. You had sex, multiple times. Yes, human, I’ve seen that particular memory.”

“You… have?”

“Is that all?”

_Is that all?_

I closed my eyes, swallowing. “So… it doesn’t bother you? At all?”

“Why should it?”

“Because… Because you’re my _boyfriend_ and we share a _bond_ and…”

“What you do with your body in your free time is not my concern.”

My eyes open as I shot him a look, but _still_ his gaze was focused on that stupid book. “You… You don’t care? At all?”

“It’s your choice, human.”

I stared at him. Tried to ignore the _rage_ beginning to burn through me. It was in the past, so it shouldn’t _matter_ , and yet the fact Kieron didn’t even _care_ that I’d kind of, in a way, _cheated_ on him before the bond was fully realized… even if we hadn’t really been together then…

The fact he didn’t _care_ …

“You don’t care that I had sex with someone else.”

“No, human,” he sighed, “I don’t care. You have free will.”

I growled, hand lashing out to slap that goddamn book out of his hands. His gaze flickered toward me, then. “Fuck you,” I hissed. “Don’t you care about me _at all_?”

“I’m a perpetual.”

“Don’t give me that crap!” I snapped, glaring at him. “Do you care about me _at all_? Or is this just a _job_ to you? Something you’re doing out of _duty_? Because I care about _you_ , Kieron. A hell of a lot. I don’t know what I’d _do_ if… But you don’t even care!”

I got out of bed and stomped across the room, then back, pacing, glaring at him all the while. He sat there, expressionless, the bond flat as he watched me.

“I don’t know what you’re wanting from me, human.”

I growled, irritation thrumming through me. “Do you care about me?”

“This is ridiculous.”

“If you’re just doing this out of _duty_ ,” I spat the word, “then no fucking thanks, Kieron.”

He watched me for a long moment. The silence was deafening.

“Did you feel _anything_ when you saw me with someone else? Did it not bother you _at all_?”

Because if I saw _him_ with someone else… even if it was in the past… if I saw it in my dreams… I would be very upset. Angry. Already I burned with anger just thinking about it, and yet he didn’t even _care_. Perhaps I was wrong to ask him about this; I was the aggressor, after all, I was easier to anger. He was also a perpetual. They ‘couldn’t’ care, or so they said.

“Be with whoever you want.”

I took in a breath, swallowing thickly. “You don’t care?” I asked, voice losing its strength, fatigue clawing at me. Tired. So tired of this argument because I didn’t like where this was going. “I’m just… just a job to you?”

He picked his book back up. “Don’t know what you want me to say. Get some sleep, human. You’re tired.”

I was tired. So tired. And _angry_. And _hurt_. Hurt because he didn’t _care_ …

I swallowed, watching him a moment longer. His gaze stayed glued to his book.

“Fuck you,” I breathed.

Then I turned and stomped out of the room.

 

Leaving wasn’t an option, as it was raining outside and I was supposed to stay here and not go out on my own, ‘just in case’. So I planned on sleeping on the couch, away from the bedroom and Kieron and his ‘not caring’, but sleep wouldn’t come to me. I wasn’t sure how long I lay there, staring up at the ceiling, going over our conversation in my mind, before I finally sighed and rolled over, my back to the room, my face toward the back cushions.

_He doesn’t care…_

I wasn’t sure what I’d been expecting from him, at first, but as the conversation went on…

It hurt.

_He doesn’t care…_

“I know you’re awake.”

I stiffened, unaware I was no longer alone in the room. I stayed put, though, keeping quiet. Maybe I could fake sleep. If I stayed quiet he would assume he was wrong, or get fed up and go back in the other room.

“Terry. Look at me.”

“Go away,” I mumbled.

“You’re being childish.”

“What do you care?”

He sighed heavily, stepping closer to the couch. He sat at the end of it, back against my feet. “We should talk.”

“Nothing to say. You already said you don’t care.”

“Stop being difficult.”

“Fuck you,” I said, closing my eyes. “You hide behind the fact you’re a perpetual. You say you don’t care. I thought you did. I mean, you’ve looked after me for so long… came back for me so many times… but you don’t care if I do something intimate with someone else? Not just in the past, but in the future, too? It doesn’t bother you at _all_?” I took in a breath, attempting to push down the anger but it was a struggle.

“You’re being difficult.”

“You say I’m not _nothing_ to you, but you don’t care if I’m with someone else? You don’t care about me at all?”

“Human.”

“I thought… I thought we were getting closer, Kieron. I really thought…” I swallowed. “But… But you’re just an asshole. Just like always. You don’t fucking _care_ at all, do you? Because according to you, you _can’t_. So what are you still doing here, huh? I’m safe. I’m healed. You can leave if you want.”

_No, don’t say that._

He might actually do it.

Anger burned through me, but I didn’t mean what I said. I didn’t want him to leave. No matter what he did or didn’t do, I still cared about him. I still liked being around him; we still shared a bond. We needed to work this out, but I had no idea what to do. Everything just kept escalating.

“Stop being fucking difficult.”

The irritation in his own voice reignited my own anger.

“Leave me alone,” I snapped. “Not that you care anyway.”

His growl was sudden, but not as alarming as the hands which roughly rolled me over onto my back, pinning me there on the couch as he slid over me, expression twisted into a snarl.

“K-Kieron?”

“You want me to be territorial?” he hissed. “Like an animal?”

“K-Kie-”

“Then _fine_ , human. I’m animalistic in nature; how the fuck do you think I felt watching that memory? To know _that’s_ why I got captured? They told me you were in _trouble_ so I went to the _apartment_ and got fucking _stabbed_.”

The anger, the _something_ , in his eyes and words left me gasping, hands coming up to lightly clasp at the shirt over his chest. “Kieron, I’m sorry,” I said quietly.

_I didn’t know. I’m so sorry._

“I’m not fucking _used_ to this,” he snarled, voice this low rumble which vibrated through the air, through his arms and into my shoulders which he kept pinned down even as he settled on top of me, straddling my waist, keeping me pinned. “So forgive me if don’t know what you fucking _want_ from me.”

“Kieron, please-”

“You want anger?” he snapped. “You fucking got it. Fuck you for doing _that_ in the middle of being _hunted_. Fuck you for doing _that_ and becoming easy _bait_ for me. Fuck you for making me so goddamn fucking _pissed_ at a stupid fucking _memory-_ ”

“Pissed?” I repeated, staring at him.

“I’m not fucking finished, am I?”

I snapped my mouth shut.

“Fuck you for that. Fuck you for this. Fuck you for your stupid fucking memories invading my goddamn mind! You want to know how I _feel_? I don’t have _feelings_ like you do. I don’t _get_ to fucking have them. You think I wouldn’t _enjoy_ some emotion? Some _love_? My own parents didn’t fucking _want me_ , and you want me to _care_?”

_Oh, God, I didn’t know._

“Kie, that’s terrible,” I whispered. “I’m so _sorry_.”

“I don’t want your pity! You wanted to fucking know how I felt, so here it is. Are you listening?”

I nodded quickly.

“You’re the closest I’ve ever come to caring.”

I swallowed thickly, throat tightening with emotion. “Kieron…”

He growled, then. “And I don’t fucking _share_.”

And with that, his mouth landed solidly on mine, and my fingers tightened in his clothing, pulling him down on top of me.


	24. For the Love of-

Chapter Twenty-Four: For the Love of-

 

Kieron’s mouth was fire down my bare chest and stomach, leaving me clutching at him even as low growls emanated from his throat. Although he appeared more human through the day, whenever we did something like _this_ he became increasingly more feral and animalistic. I wasn’t entirely sure why this was, but I didn’t really mind it. Especially after his words.

_“You’re the closest I’ve come to caring.”_

Those words warmed my heart.

_“And I don’t **share**.”_

He _did_ care. He thought he couldn’t, but he did. At least, in some way. He did care about me; he didn’t like that I’d slept with someone else. I wasn’t just some job, and he wasn’t the asshole I’d accused him of being. Right now it was a little hard to think, though, with his hands slipping into my sweatpants, freeing my rising member from the confinements of the clothes.

“Oh, God,” I breathed, falling back into the couch cushions, his mouth easily taking hold of my dick, his tongue swirling around the head much like before. I brought a hand up, tangling my fingers in his hair, releasing a breathy sigh as he dipped his head down a little more. “Kieron, _fuck-_ ”

A growl slipped free of his throat, vibrating around my throbbing member, leaving me gasping as I threw my head back, tightening my hold in his hair, tugging at the strands but if he noticed, he didn’t seem to care. Then his mouth left me, and he returned toward my upper body, hands easily pinning me down again, though I had no desire to move anyway. I looked into those intense blue eyes and smiled.

“Kie,” I breathed quietly, watching him, the way his lips pulled back into this slight snarl. It should have bothered me, I knew. He was more animal than human, or whatever, when we did this, but I honestly didn’t mind. Seeing him lose control like this… when we did this… after telling me he _did_ care in his own way…

I thought the grin was going to break my face.

His hands skimmed down from my shoulders, slipping across my sides in a way which was more teasing than ticklish, I think, and his fingers skimmed over my hips and toward my ever-hopeful dick which was still poking up outside of my pants and underwear.

Kieron, however, was still wearing all of his clothes. I needed to remedy this.

My fingers scratched against the fabric of his shirt as I attempted to push myself backward enough I could sit up against the armrest, but his growl stopped me. His gaze snapped toward my face, assessing, before he nodded and allowed me to move, before his mouth was once again pressed against mine in a dominating, somewhat harsh kiss.

I didn’t mind it at all.

“Kie,” I murmured against his pliant mouth, “clothes off.”

My fingers caught on his shirt again, and he allowed me to lift it off and toss it aside. Then I ran my hands across his smooth, flat chest and stomach, skin stretched tight over his faint muscles. He was a lot stronger than he looked; if anything he looked athletic, and I knew he had a high metabolism, especially when he was healing. There was never any fat on him, but he wasn’t completely muscle, either. He was just…

 _Perfect_.

The thought appeared unbidden, but left me swallowing nevertheless, my hands settling over the curve of his hips as he sat between my legs, watching me. My fingers slip across the band of his own sweat pants, lightly tugging at them, asking, waiting. Sometimes he refused to let me take control in any way; if he wanted his clothes off, he did it himself.

He didn’t argue, so I slipped his pants down and helped him kick out of them before I tossed them aside, along with his pesky underwear.

Kieron was naturally endowed. I wasn’t sure if this was the way it was with all perpetuals, or if he was just lucky, but either way I definitely wasn’t complaining. My hands slipped down from his hips, attempting to take hold of him but he swatted my hands away with this low growl.

In the next instant I was being turned. I took in a breath as he stood from the couch. I kept lube in the bedroom, so I knew where he was going. Even so I looked over my shoulder, watching him walk away, his ass moving wonderfully. Oh, God, there I go again.

But we so rarely did anything like this. Why not enjoy it? Especially after he said he cared about me in his own way.

I was a little surprised he was bothering to get the lube at all. The first time we had sex there’d been no prep and no lube. It’d all been very rough, but it wasn’t out of any anger on his part. It was just how he was during acts like this. At the time I’d been worried I’d pissed him off because I _did_ push him into a lake – not _the_ lake but a lake nevertheless – but it was just how he was. More animal than human. Or, whatever.

The lack of control during these acts was breathtaking, because he was usually so composed. Okay, not _composed_ but more standoffish.

I wasn’t aware he’d returned until I felt cold fingers entering my hole. I shivered; every time I felt lube, I usually remembered Rufus and what he did to me in the bathroom, with that lube which made me want it even though I was terrified I was going to die. I still shuddered to think about it. I wondered if Kieron had seen _that_.

The prepping session didn’t last very long, but I didn’t expect it to. Before even a minute had gone by, I felt his dick pressing against the opening of my hole, a familiar feeling but never unpleasant – save for when Rufus did _that_.

His hands gripped my hips in this tight, semi-rough hold, nails biting into my skin as he pushed inside. The pain was brief and pleasure quickly took over, leaving me giving into this little moan. Kieron growled in response, but there was no anger in it. He didn’t mind me making noise, for the most part, as long as we didn’t draw attention to ourselves. He was more modest than I thought he’d be.

“Kie,” I breathed happily, closing my eyes.

 

I woke later sticky and sore, but a grin spread across my face anyway. We were both squeezed together on the couch. It was a tight fit, but we were both naked and I was happy with the arrangement. My back was pressed against the back cushions of the couch while Kieron was on the outside, pressed into my side to keep from falling. His eyes were closed, his expression peaceful, his nose nearly touching my shoulder due to how close we were.

I freed an arm out from under me. The fingernails looked better, I realized; there was some skin growing back over the scabs. I wondered if he’d attempted to heal me after we collapsed last night, but couldn’t remember him doing so. Then again, he didn’t necessarily have to be awake to heal me. After he’d gotten stabbed by that golden blade, he’d barely been conscious for a while, continuously waking for several minutes before always drifting back off to sleep. During that time he’d still healed me, which, I think, had added to his tiredness.

I hoped he wasn’t trying to heal me anymore; they were just scabs. I was happy to note, however, that the stiffness which had been ever-present yesterday was gone now. Yes, he fixed the bones but the fingers had still been stiff, but now I felt nothing out of the ordinary. You couldn’t even tell they’d been broken in the first place, but I still remembered the pain.

I wondered if that was the worst part of the torture – remembering. Remembering the table and the pain, and the way the demon laughed. Remembering each nail being ripped off, each finger being broken…

Shuddering, I shook the thoughts away and instead turned my attention back to Kieron. He got over his torture; I could get over mine. His had been worse. So much worse, because in the end he was supposed to die. They were trying to essentially torture him to death. I’d only had my fingers broken.

Looking at him now, though, you couldn’t even tell he’d been tortured at all. I wondered what that said about his less-than-pleasant memories he warned me about.

But I didn’t really want to think about it.

I wasn’t aware my hand was moving until my fingers were threading through his tussled hair. I always liked him with bed hair, more wild than usual, a sign of a good night’s rest. When he slept when he was healing, he rarely moved so his hair was usually fine except a little flat from where his head had been on a pillow or the ground or whatever, but when he slept on his own, it was tussled from movement.

Blue eyes blinked open. I smiled.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” I said quietly. “Good morning.”

He grunted in response. “Why are we on the couch?”

“Because we didn’t go back to bed.”

“Why not?”

“I was comfy,” I said. “And you stayed with me because you’re awesome.”

He rolled his eyes, which seemed quite the feat since his face was half-buried in a pillow.

“Kie,” I murmured, watching him as his gaze flickered back toward my face. “Thanks for… last night. It meant a lot.”

Not just the sex, but his words. I truly appreciated it.

He sat up, covers falling away from us. Funny, because I couldn’t remember moving under the covers last night, after sex. Which meant Kieron must have done it when I was asleep, which was just _sweet_. Because, you know, he was awesome.

I sat up with him as he swung his legs over the side of the couch.

“I have kinks upon kinks in my neck. Let’s never sleep on the couch again.”

I grinned. “Whatever you say, Kie.”

He pushed to his feet and I watched as he left the room, entering the bedroom. He emerged a second later, tossing a towel at me, which I caught.

“Shower, human,” he said. “You’re all sticky.”

I laughed. “And whose fault is that, hmm?”

He scowled. “It’s entirely your fault.”

“Oh, is it? I seem to recall _you_ being the one pinning me down, and-”

His eyes narrowed into a glare. “Another word and you can sleep on the couch for a week.”

“Couch is comfy,” I said. “And anyway, this is _my_ apartment. If anyone’s sleeping on the couch, it’s you.”

“Says the guy who hightailed it to the couch and pouted.”

I sighed, shaking my head. “Unfair,” I said. “I was upset.”

“And you’re not now?”

I glanced at him, at the way the glare disappeared and he watched me carefully. He was serious. “No,” I said quietly, “I’m not upset anymore. I just… sorry I was being difficult.”

He nodded. “You’re always difficult.”

“You’d get bored if I was nice all the time.”

He snorted. “Is that so?”

“Mm, yes. Gotta keep you on your toes.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, otherwise you might get bored.”

The odd thing was, I was semi-serious. He must have noticed, because he sighed.

“Not bored, human.”

“ ‘cause of the toes,” I said.

“Sure, human,” he sighed, “because of the toes. Now go take a shower.”

I smirked, getting to my feet, towel in hand. “You’re welcome to come with me, grumpy.”

His eyes rolled. “You’re all sticky.”

“That’s completely your fault,” I told him, grinning at the way he scowled. “So you should make it up to me and join me in the shower, Kie-Kie.”

His eyes narrowed. “Ever call me that again and you have a permanent bed on the couch.”

I laughed, shaking my head as my fingers curled around his wrist, tugging him along after me.

 

“So, Kie,” I said as we ate breakfast, “I’m sorry about last night. I was… yeah, I was being difficult. Sorry.”

“You already said that.”

I shrugged. “Felt like I should say it again.”

He shook his head. “You’re not entirely wrong.”

“I… I’m not?”

“I _am_ an asshole. I just don’t know what you want me to say half the time, human. It’s not… easy.”

“What’s not?” I asked quietly, watching him over my plate of bacon and eggs which Kieron had fixed after we got out of the shower. Because, again, he was awesome.

“Being with you,” he said, shrugging, and my spine stiffened, snapping taut.

“Being with me?” I repeated, frowning. “I… Is that bad?”

“Not bad, just something I’ve noticed.”

“Why’s it not easy?”

“I never know where the line is,” he sighed, looking down at his plate.

“Line? What line?”

He shrugged. “I don’t even know. I just know there’s always a line. A limit. I never know what’s going too far, and what it is you want me to do.”

“You can’t go too far,” I told him. “There’s no line. I want… I want whatever you can give me.”

His gaze snapped toward my face, searching. “I don’t have much to give.”

I swallowed, because at that moment I wasn’t sure if he was talking about ‘romantically’, or something else. I knew at one point he’d been bitter about living forever, and wanted to die. He told me he didn’t feel that way anymore, but those words… I didn’t really like them.

“You could never give too little,” I said.

“That’s not what you said last night.”

I took in a breath. “I’m sorry. I was… I was pissed. You said you didn’t care if I cheated.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You kind of did. And it… it _hurt_. Because if you cheated…”

“You’re the aggressor,” he said, watching me. “You’re supposed to feel like that.”

“Yeah,” I murmured, “but you’re my boyfriend. You shouldn’t… You’re supposed to care if I cheat.”

“I’m not happy about it, but it’s in the past. What’s the point of getting angry about it?”

He had a point. I shook my head. “It’s just… I don’t know. But it’s okay, I’m over it.”

He was quiet for a long time. I focused on eating, trying to drown out the silence. Finally he sighed. “This is all still new to me,” he said quietly, causing me to glance at him. His gaze was focused down at his own plate as he pushed his eggs around with his fork. “But… I can try to do better.”

I stared at him for a moment, before I broke out into a wide grin, warmth flooding through me. “Thanks, Kie,” I said quietly. “That’s all I ask.”

He shrugged, still pushing his food around.

I watched him for a moment, before I sighed, chewing on the inside of my cheek. “Kieron, you know I… I lo-…” I sighed, shaking my head as he glanced at me.

Three words. That was all.

_I love you._

_I think I love you._

_I might…_

No, I told myself. I did love him. I knew I did. There was no other way to describe it, despite the fact I didn’t really believe in true love. But who said it was _true_ love? It wasn’t love at first sight. I hated him at first, and he hated me. But now…

If he were to _die_ … If I didn’t have him around anymore…

_Oh, God._

My stomach flipped. I closed my eyes.

_Stop thinking about it._

“You love bacon?” he asked.

I took in a breath, nodding as I opened my eyes. “Yeah, Kieron,” I said quietly. “I love bacon. So thanks for breakfast.”

He shrugged, sitting back in his chair, body relaxing. I hadn’t even realized he’d gone all stiff.

Maybe he wasn’t ready to hear the words any more than I was ready to say them.

But we were getting there, and that was all that really mattered.


	25. Lying

Chapter Twenty-Five: Lying

 

Kieron wasn’t too thrilled about going to Tommy’s for dinner, but I assured him Tommy would be on his best behavior. If he wasn’t, I’d kick his ass. Okay, probably not, but I’d yell at him and we’d leave and I’d be mad at him for a while. He’d have a lot of apologizing to do.

For a change of pace, I drove while Kieron gazed out of the passenger window. It was a nice day out, for it being so rainy lately. The sky wasn’t as gray as it had been lately, and the sun was peeking out of the clouds.

The drive to Tommy’s house was short, and we climbed out of the car and walked up to the door. I knocked while Kieron stood behind me, probably scowling, but I couldn’t tell. Tommy answered with a smile and nodded curtly at Kieron.

“Kieron,” he said in greeting, though it wasn’t very happy. I scowled at him.

“Thomas,” Kieron replied in that same bland tone.

Tommy blinked and rubbed at the back of his neck awkwardly. He never liked being called Thomas. He couldn’t say anything about it, though, because he started it, in a way. I wondered if Kieron knew he hated it, if he’d seen it in a memory or something.

Tommy stepped aside and allowed us entry. He didn’t say anything else to Kieron, only led the way into the kitchen. The house smelled terrific; I loved home-cooked meals though I rarely had them. I didn’t like to cook. Kieron cooked on occasion, which was awesome.

“Hey, Lacy,” I said, smiling at her. She stood next to the stove, and turned to face me, offering a large, warm smile. I always liked her; she was always so welcoming. I turned my attention, then, to Amanda who sat in a high chair at the table, half asleep with drool coming out the side of her mouth. She was nearly six months old now, and growing like a weed. “Hey, little one.”

Amanda’s eyes opened further and she cooed, reaching for me. I picked her up and held her, poking her belly. Her little fingers grasped at mine.

Tommy frowned at me. “What’s wrong with your hands?”

I paused, then, because I hadn’t thought he’d notice. The scabs were barely visible now. Kieron offered to heal them further but I declined, because he’d done enough for me already and this wasn’t painful.

“Uh,” I said. “Nothing. Just kind of… smacked it on something. No big deal.”

He strode toward me, getting a closer look. Then he shot a glare at Kieron. “What happened?”

Kieron shrugged. “He did it while I was in the shower. He’s fine.”

“It looks like it’s almost healed,” he said. “I don’t think it happened recently.”

Oh, if only he knew…

“What happened?” he asked again, glaring further at Kieron. Kieron scowled back from where he stood near the exit of the kitchen, next to the counter.

“He’s fine.”

“That’s not the point.”

“Tommy,” I sighed, “I’m _fine_. Nothing happened. And stop yelling at my boyfriend. You said you’d be good.”

He paused, then, and sighed heavily, glancing at me. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” I said, before glancing at Lacy. “When’s dinner?”

“It’s finished,” she said, turning off the stove.

I nodded and put Amanda back in her high chair before moving across the table to take my seat, letting Lacy and Tommy sit next to their daughter. Kieron moved to join me but was intercepted by Tommy, who grabbed his arm.

“Can we talk?” he asked. “Privately.”

Kieron glanced at me, cocking his head to the side.

“Whatever you want to say can be said here,” I told my brother, narrowing my eyes at him.

“Kieron,” Tommy sighed, “please.”

Kieron sighed, giving into a slow nod before he led the way out of the room.

“If you yell at him, we’re leaving,” I told Tommy.

He shook his head. “Not gonna yell. Just gonna talk.” Then he followed Kieron out of the room. I watched the doorway for a moment before I sighed, slumping back in my seat.

“I wouldn’t worry about them,” Lacy said. “I know Tommy can be a bit of a jerk sometimes, but he means well.”

“That’s not the point,” I muttered, accepting a plate from her as I helped her set the table. “He’s being an ass to Kieron and he has no right.”

“He’s your brother. He worries.”

“No excuse. Kieron hasn’t done anything to me. He’s not using me. He’s not controlling me. His worries are unfounded. Kieron’s been nothing but nice to him.”

And Tommy said he’d behave, and so far he’d been pretty rude. Kieron was a guest in his house; he shouldn’t be rude like that, especially after he promised to play nice. Perhaps Kieron’s worries weren’t entirely unfounded after all. Maybe we should have stayed home.

And today started off so wonderfully…

I sighed, thinking back on it.

Lacy laughed. “You’ve got it bad, huh?”

“Huh?” I glanced at her. “What do you mean?”

“I know that look.”

“What look?”

“The look you just had when you sighed,” she told me, taking a seat next to Amanda, reaching for the kid’s pacifier before lifting it to her daughter’s lips. Amanda greedily accepted it, squealing happily.

“I didn’t have a look.”

“You did, honey,” she said, grinning at me. “You love him.”

I shifted uneasily in my chair, glancing away. “I actually, um… I think I might.”

And this was the first time I’d admitted it out loud. Why could I say this to her, but not to Kieron? What was the difference? It should have been _easier_ to say this to Kieron.

Her expression brightened, her smile growing larger. “Oh, that’s great!” she said happily. “I’m so happy for you. I know you’re not big on the whole ‘love’ concept, but that’s so wonderful! I’m sure you’ll both be happy together.”

I shrugged. “I haven’t, um… told him.”

“Why not, sweetie?”

I shook my head, sighing, gaze fixated on the table. “I don’t know. I tried, this morning, but it just… I couldn’t.”

And Kieron had stiffened, like he knew what I was going to say and didn’t _want_ me to say it.

“I don’t… know if he, uh, feels the same, anyway.”

So perhaps it was best I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t sure I could handle outright rejection.

“I’m sure he does,” Lacy assured me, reaching across the table to place her hand on top of mine. I glanced at her. “What’s not to love?”

“He’s not… He had a rough childhood,” I told her. “He doesn’t… He’s never loved anyone. Not even his family.”

“Oh, that’s so terrible,” she sighed, shaking her head, even as her grip on my hand tightened. “But at least he has you now.”

_Maybe. Or maybe I’m doing more harm than good._

“I wonder what’s taking them so long,” I murmured. “Maybe I should go check on them.”

I pushed to my feet, ready to do exactly that, when Tommy returned to the room. He was alone, which left me scowling at him as I shoved my chair back, out of the way.

“Where’s Kieron?”

“He left.”

I blinked, confused. “Left?” I echoed.

He wouldn’t just leave me here. I was his ride. He’d also at least let me _know_ he was leaving. Anger burned through me, not just at Kieron for supposedly leaving me here, but at Tommy because this was his fault.

“What’d you do, huh?” I snapped, taking a step toward him. “What’d you say to him?”

_Kieron? What’s going on?_

No answer.

_Kie?_

“He was lying to you, Terry.”

“He’s not lying,” I growled. “What the hell did you do?”

“Tommy?” Lacy asked quietly. “What’s going on? And could you please not curse in front of Amanda?”

Guilt pressed into my mind. I nodded, shooting her a quick, apologetic glance before I snagged Tommy’s arm and drug him out of the room, into the living room. Glancing out the window assured me Kieron left me the car, but I still couldn’t believe he just _left me here_ like that. This was Tommy’s doing, though.

“What the fuck did you do?” I snarled, rounding on my brother.

He looked away. “He’s been lying to you, Terry.”

“How do you figure that?”

_Kieron! Fucking answer me!_

“My army buddy got back to me,” he said, shaking his head. “He can’t find any records about a ‘Kieron Archer’ anywhere.”

I stared at him. He seriously had someone look up Kieron’s name? Rage burned through my mind, leaving me physically growling. Tommy’s gaze snapped toward my face, shocked as I took a step toward him, eyes narrowed into thin, harsh lines.

“You. _What_?”

“I was just looking out for you,” he told me.

“That’s why you asked for his last name?”

He planned this all along. He asked for Kieron’s last name so he could look him up, get information on him. He must have gotten a response just before we arrived, which would explain his rude behavior despite his promise to be nicer.

_Kieron, please?_

“He’s been lying to you, Terry,” he told me, like he was revealing the world’s greatest secret. “It’s not his real name. He’s been lying about his identity this whole time. He’s been using you! He’s probably wanted by the Feds or something, and he’s using you as cover!”

He sounded so _certain_ , like he’d just saved me from some great travesty.

My hands curled into fists at my sides.

_Kieron, please answer me. Where are you?_

“I can’t believe you,” I hissed at my brother, clenching my eyes tightly closed. “I can’t believe you’d do something like this! Behind my back!”

“I’m sorry, Terry, but I was _right_.”

“No, you weren’t!”

“He’s lying about his identity, Terry; he’s _using_ you, but you can’t see it because you’re too close to the situation,” he explained calmly, _soothingly_. “Stay here for a few days; he’ll move out and leave, and you’ll see I was right.”

My eyes opened. “What? Why would he…? Why would he _leave_?”

_Kieron! Fucking answer me, you asshole! Where are you!_

“What did you _do_?”

“What’s best,” he said quietly. “You can’t see it, but it’s for the best. I promise.”

“Fuck you,” I growled. “Fuck _you_! I can’t believe you…! Fuck you!” I stomped toward the door, because I was so fucking _done_.

_Kieron, please! Where are you?_

He still wasn’t answering me. Why wasn’t he answering me? Why would he just take off? He could have told me. He could have come to get me and we could have left together. And now Tommy said he was, what? Going to _move out_? What the fuck did he _say_ to him?

_Oh, God, don’t do that. Don’t move out. Don’t… Don’t leave._

He said he was going to leave, once. He said when this was all over… he would leave, to give me a _normal life_. But I didn’t want that. I told him as much, and he hadn’t mentioned it since, but now…

_Kieron, don’t leave. Answer me, please? Tommy’s an ass, don’t listen to him. Kieron?_

And still no answer.

Tommy caught my arm near the door, as I pried it open. “Where are you going?”

“Fuck you,” I snapped. “Leave me the hell alone. You’ve done enough. You better fucking hope I can _fix this_ , or I swear to God…” I took in a breath, swallowing. “If he leaves, I won’t ever forgive you.”

With that, I yanked free of his hold and slammed the door behind me.

 

_Kieron? Kie? It’s been hours, Kie, where are you?_

I’d been home for four hours now, and he hadn’t contacted me or answered me, and I still had no idea where he was or where to even start looking. He could have gone back to Ethereal for all I knew, and I’d never find him because without him to guide me, I didn’t really know where any of the gateways were. I could probably try to stumble across the one in the woods again, or the one in Brian’s barn, but I had no idea where those would spit me out in Ethereal. I couldn’t find him.

I’d been sitting on the couch for a while now, surrounded in silence as I stared down at the floor, listening to every little sound. Every sound I heard outside I thought it might be Kieron, finally coming back, but it never was.

_Kie, please?_

But he still wouldn’t answer. I didn’t know what exactly Tommy said to him, but if it left him completely ignoring me…

I closed my eyes, taking in a breath which was meant to be calming, but it did anything but. What if he never came back? No, he had to, because we shared a bond and I was still being hunted. So was he. He wouldn’t just leave me here, at least not for long. He’d have to answer or show up eventually.

But how long would that be?

_Come home, Kieron._

The phone rang. The sound barely registered, but eventually it left me looking up. By that time the person hung up, but immediately afterward it started ringing again. Maybe it was Kieron. I hadn’t been aware he knew my number since he never used phones, but maybe he was calling.

I pushed to my feet and moved to answer it.

“Kie? Is that you?”

“Terry,” Tommy said.

My first instinct was to hang up, but he sounded _terrified_. Despite my anger, I took in a breath and sat at the kitchen table. “Tommy? What’s wrong?”

“Oh, God, Terry, I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “I’m so sorry-”

There was a loud growling sound in the background. My eyes widened.

“Tommy, what’s going on?” I hissed, jumping to my feet.

“I… I don’t know! Kieron’s here, he… he saved me, Terry, and – oh, God-”

“Tommy! What’s happening?”

Kieron was there. Helping my brother. At least Tommy had a good bodyguard at the moment, but he sounded so terrified, and those growls were familiar. Not my perpetual’s, but more like a screamer.

“I… I don’t know, Terry, they just showed up and if Kieron hadn’t… They have this knife, Terry, and-”

Ice ran down my spine. “I’m on my way,” I breathed, hurrying to find my keys. “I’m on my way, I’ll be there in a few minutes. Fuck, just… just…”

**_Human, you stay away._ **

I froze. It was the voice I’d been wanting to hear for a while now, but this seemed wrong.

**_You hear me? You stay away. Tommy’s coming to you. You stay put, you understand?_ **

_Kieron, what’s going on?_

I hadn’t even realized the dial tone was ringing in my ear until then. The phone line must have been cut or something. Fuck.

**_Screamers. They’re after your family._ **

Memories of John rushed back to me. They’d used his family against him; now they were trying to use mine. I closed my eyes, taking in a quick breath, scrubbing a hand across my face.

_I’m on my way._

**_No, human, stay there. They’re getting in the car now, they’ll be there in a few._ **

_You too, right?_

**_I’ll get there when I can._ **

I shook my head even though I knew he couldn’t see me. _Not good enough, Kie. I’m coming. Tommy and the others can stay here, but I’m not leaving you with them when they have that knife!_

 ** _Human, you will stay the fuck_** -

His words cut off abruptly. A second later there was _pain_ , so intense and severe it left me whimpering as I crashed to my knees. The pain was everywhere all at once, in my head, my arms, my chest and stomach – _everywhere_. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t breathe, but it felt like I was dying.

It was the weakening of _something_ in my mind that left me gasping, staggering to my feet despite the pain and the way I still couldn’t _breathe_.

_Oh, God, no. No._

_Kieron – answer me, Kie, you gotta – Kieron! Answer me!_

Bile. Bile in my throat. Ice in my veins. A blockage in my throat. Tears blurring my vision, my head throbbing.

“ _Kieron,_ ” I choked, stumbling toward the door.

_No, no, no, no, no-_

_Kieron! Please, fucking answer me! What’s happening? Kie! Answer me this instant, you bastard!_

“Answer me, answer me, answer me,” I chanted. “Oh, fuck, _say something_ …”

**_Hurts…_ **

The sudden word left relief surging through me, leaving me plummeting to my knees near the door, swallowing thickly as I could finally fucking _breathe_ again.

_Kieron, fuck, you’re okay. What hurts?_

He’d never admitted to being in pain before. And all the pain I felt…

I close my eyes. _The knife. Kieron, the knife, did…?_

**_Hurts!_ **

Oh, God.

_Kieron, I’m coming. I’m coming. Don’t worry, I’m on my way._

I threw open the door and dashed outside just as Tommy’s car was pulling into the parking area. Lacy, in tears of fear, got out with Amanda in her arms, rushing toward me immediately. Tommy was nowhere in sight.

“Oh, God, Terry!”

“Where’s Tommy?” I managed to ask.

“He… He stayed behind to help Kieron,” she cried, shaking her head. “I… I don’t…”

_He’s not alone._

That was good, but Tommy was no match against screamers.

“Get inside,” I said tersely. “Hide there. I’m going for them.”

“Terry, you can’t-”

“You stay here with Amanda, Lacy, she needs you right now. I’ll… I’ll get them, don’t worry.”

I wanted to offer her a reassuring smile or _something_ , but couldn’t find it in me to do so. I hurried toward my car as she moved inside my apartment. I probably shouldn’t have been driving, but oh well. My head throbbed, my vision blurred, and that _something_ in my mind slipped a little more.

_Kie, I’m coming, hold on._

He wasn’t answering anymore.

_Oh, God, you hold on. I’m coming. I’m coming._

 

The drive took an eternity, but finally I reached Tommy’s house and raced out of the car, barreling through the open door, quickly looking around, my skin on fire. There was blood everywhere. Red and discolored. A screamer lay on the ground, either unconscious or dead. But I didn’t care about that.

“Kieron! Where are you?”

I followed the red smears, that knot in my stomach tripling in size.

And then I found him.

 _Oh God, no, no, no_ -

“Kieron!”

I ran toward him but was intercepted by a screamer. The screamer was bleeding badly from several places, and I noted with grim satisfaction Kieron put up a hell of a fight and got in several good blows. He was a fighter, after all.

But right now he was motionless on the ground, in a pool of blood, and there was steam surrounding him.

He wasn’t fucking _moving_ …

“Out of the way,” I hissed at the screamer.

Its answering growl sounded more like a laugh. “You’re too late, human.”

I growled. “Out of the fucking _way_ or I’m going to fucking _kill_ you.”

I’d done it before, after all. I could do it now, right? I had to. For Kieron.

 _I’m not too late. I’m not too late. I’m not_ -

The screamer laughed again, in that odd hissing way. “Your little perpetual is gonna die very soon. But I can stop it.”

 _Lying, lying, lying_ -

“ _Out of the way_!”

Fire ignited along my skin. This deep burning within, that felt oddly familiar and yet so foreign. My eyes burned and the room seemed to be growing brighter. The screamer stopped laughing then.

“I can save him. If you come with me.”

“ _Liar_ ,” I hissed. “You want him dead!”

“Alright, fine. But I can make it painless. And fast. If you come with me.”

 _“Fuck you_ ,” I snarled, the fire growing, my mind beginning to cloud. “You won’t fucking touch him!”

It took a small step back, then, nearly stepping on Kieron’s limp hand which was splayed a little off to the side. He half lay on his side, having clearly been tossed across the room where he slid to a stop and didn’t move again. And all the goddamn _steam_ …

The _blood_ …

A snarl caught in my throat.

After that I knew no more. I was lost to the burning.


	26. Fading

Chapter Twenty-Six: Fading

 

“Terry. _Terry!_ You’re gonna kill your brother – _Terry_!”

The voice. So familiar. But so goddamn _wrong_. Not what I wanted. Not-

“ _Kieron_ ,” I breathed, clarity beginning to seep through me, along with simple thoughts. The haze in my mind began to disperse, leaving me feeling so goddamn _tired_ , and my legs shook. I landed on my ass, taking in the form hovering over me. “Bekkah?”

Relief slid across her face. Her hands left my shoulders. I noticed the redness to them, the bleeding skin. Her hands were _burned_.

_Oh God, did I do that?_

But I had more pressing matters. Over her should I looked at Kieron’s sprawled form. “ _Kie_ ,” I choked, crawling toward him. Tommy was slumped against the wall behind him, but I hadn’t noticed him before. He was groaning, so he was alive, but not entirely conscious. My fingers caught on Kieron’s clothes, lightly pulling him toward me, swallowing at how _hot_ he felt.

_Don’t tell me I hurt him. Don’t tell me I hurt him. Don’t-_

“Kieron,” I breathed, fingers coming away red. The steam had started to disperse, but it was still hanging around. Seeping from his wounds. “Oh, God, wake up. Wake up. _Wake up_!”

“Terry,” Bekkah said quietly, kneeling next to me. “We need to get out of here.”

I tuned her out. She wasn’t important. “Kieron, wake up! You gotta – Kie – wake up-”

Sirens. Sirens in the distance. Help was coming. Except the help was _human_ and if they saw Kieron… if he died to heal…

Pain in my head at the thought.

_Too hurt._

I wasn’t sure how I knew this, but if he died to heal… so much steam…

The way he said it ‘hurts’ when he never admitted to pain…

The way he was unable to hide it from me…

“Terry,” Bekkah said, tugging at my arm. “I’ll get Kieron. Get your brother, Terry. We need to leave.”

Her words were logical. She could carry Kieron better than I could, and not jostle him as much. But to see Kieron so goddamn _fragile_ – _fucking fragile_ – was just so goddamn _wrong_ and as she moved to pick him up, his head lolling limply to the side, a sound escaped my lips. I wasn’t sure if it was a gasp, a sigh, or some kind of sob. Probably a mixture of all three.

_Focus, Terry. Kieron needs you to focus._

I took in a breath to steady myself, and glanced at my brother. He was bleeding, but not badly. Only from the shoulder, and it looked like a glancing blow. His head had a cut on it though; he’d hit it again. I was worried about that, deep down, but couldn’t find it in me to really _care_ at the moment. I was so goddamn _tired_.

Tired from _whatever_ it was I did. Tired because of all of _this_. Because Kieron…

We left in my car probably a minute before the ambulance and police arrived.

 

Someone was calling my name, through a thick fog. It felt like my mind was trudging through a muddy swamp, unable to catch any good footing to continue forward, but slowly consciousness returned to me. My head ached tremendously, and I felt so sore all over, but finally my eyes blinked open.

“Terry,” came the familiar voice of my brother. “Oh, thank God. They told me you’d wake up, but…”

“Tom-my?” I slurred, confused as to why he was in my bedroom, and why my tongue was so thick and uncooperative in my mouth. “Wha…? Wha ‘appened?”

“Take a minute,” he said quietly. “You’ve been out for days.”

My eyes widened. “Days?” I repeated incredulously, more of the fog dispersing from my mind, allowing me to think again. I struggled to remember what happened, but all I felt was this _soreness_ resonating through me, this headache and everything.

“Terry… I’m _sorry_ ,” he whispered, watching me with this semi-broken expression I definitely wasn’t used to seeing on him.

“Why?”

“Kieron…”

I blinked, swallowing. “What about Kieron?”

“Terry, I’m _sorry_ …”

“Why are you…?”

I stopped, then, as memories returned to me. Pain all over. Screamers. A knife. Kieron, so goddamn _still_ on the ground… the way he said it ‘hurts’…

And now Tommy, _apologizing_.

I swallowed, staring at him. “Oh, God, tell me he’s alive.”

_Kieron, you answer me. Kieron, please!_

I remembered the pain, the agony, the way he wouldn’t goddamn _move_ … I remembered it all, and while I couldn’t remember leaving that place, I had to know. I had to know if he was even fucking _alive_ , because right now everything was aching too much to really be sure. I’d know if he was dead, right? I’d feel it. But… But I _had_ felt it. The pain, way it felt like I was _dying_ , his pained ‘hurts’.

_Oh, God, don’t you be dead. Don’t you do it, Kie. Please, don’t fucking be dead…_

“Tell me he’s alive!” I hissed, attempting to sit up. His hands quickly pushed me back down as he swallowed thickly, Adam’s apple bobbing. “Where is he? Tell me he’s okay!”

_Kieron, please, answer me! I can’t… I need you to answer me, Kie, don’t you be dead. Don’t you fucking do it. Kieron!_

“Terry, please, take it easy,” he said, holding me down. “You’ve been unconscious for days. Don’t move too much.”

“ _Where’s Kieron?_ ” I snapped, glaring at him as I fought away his hands, shoving him away as I quickly sat up.

Oh, God, if he was dead…

Bile rose in my throat. I fled to the bathroom before Tommy could say otherwise, instantly throwing up into the toilet, clutching at its edges. “Don’t be dead,” I whispered, gagging. “Oh, fuck, don’t be dead…”

_Kieron, please, don’t be dead._

If he was dead… If I was alone… If he was _gone_ just like _that_ … If I failed him so goddamn _badly_ …

 _Don’t be dead, don’t be dead, don’t be_ -

“Where is he?” I choked when a hand landed on my shoulder. “Oh, God, he’s alive. He’s alive. Tell me he’s alive!”

I should have been able to tell. He was my boyfriend, _my perpetual_. Except my thoughts only echoed around my own mind. He wasn’t answering me, and I couldn’t goddamn _feel him_. It’d always been like background noise, this constant hum in the back of my mind, always there and warm and solid and-

_Oh, God, I can’t feel it. Kieron, don’t you be dead. Please don’t do that to me._

“Terry, it’s okay,” Tommy said quietly, holding onto my shoulders, pulling me backward into a warm embrace, but it wasn’t what I wanted.

It wasn’t _who_ I wanted. I just wanted Kieron. I needed to know he was okay, dammit. I needed to know he was fucking _alive_ because if he was dead…

 _No._ He was alive. He had to be.

_Be alive, be alive, be alive-_

“Just tell me,” I breathed, attempting to stop gagging, the bile still lodged in my throat whenever I thought about it. “Where is he?”

“He’s in the apartment next door,” he told me quietly. “Terry, you need to listen to-”

I shoved away from him and fled the bathroom, immediately leaving the bedroom to hurry through the apartment. I made it outside and threw open the door to the apartment next to mine, finding Bekkah standing there, ready to catch me as I staggered over the threshold, tripping over it.

“Where is he?” I whispered, swallowing. “He’s okay, right?”

_Please say he’s okay._

“He’s in here,” she told me, leading me into the back bedroom.

I entered the bedroom, noticing the half-covered, pale form on the bed. Sweat dotted his brow as he turned his head this way and that, clearly restless but _alive_. He was fucking _alive_. Relief shot through me as I collapsed next to him on the bed, sitting on the edge as my legs could no longer hold me up.

_He’s alive. He’s alive. He’s alive. Alive, alive, alive._

I could finally breathe again, the bile slipping back down my throat as I was no longer so incredibly nauseous.

My hand reached out of its own accord, my fingers threading with his. His skin was magma to the touch, which left me wincing as I glanced at Bekkah, who stood on Kieron’s other side, watching us.

“Why’s he so hot?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “High fever. Can’t bring it down. Nothing works, and…”

“And what?” I asked, turning my gaze back toward Kieron, at the crease in his brow, the way his jaw was so clenched as though in pain. Except I didn’t feel anything through the bond.

“He should be healing. He’s not.”

“Not healing?” That definitely wasn’t good. It’d been two days; he should have been _better_. He should have been healing and getting better; not being so pale and fevered and in _pain_.

_I’m here, Kie. Can you hear me?_

“Why’s he not healing?”

“I don’t know. I sent for… for an Elder. Someone’s going to come and see what’s going on, but… Terry…”

I didn’t like that tone. I took in a slow breath, tightening my rip on Kieron’s hand. “What is it?” I murmured, closing my eyes as though it could save me from her words.

“He’s fading, Terry.”

“F-Fading?” I echoed, clenching my eyes more tightly closed, grasping Kieron’s fingers all the more as though if I just squeezed tight enough, I could stop this. I could make it all _better_.

“He’s not healing. He’s getting worse.”

“Worse…”

_Don’t get worse. Kieron, answer me? Please? I… I really need to talk to you, okay? Kie?_

I needed to talk to him. I needed him to open his eyes. I needed to hear his voice. I needed… But it wasn’t about what I needed, because Kieron was more important than my own needs. If this fitful and restless sleep was what he needed, then by all means, he could sleep. I would deal with the silence if it meant he would be okay.

_Fuck, be okay._

I just spent the past few minutes terrified he was fucking _dead_ , and now she told me he was _fading_? As in _dying_? Kieron? Dying…

What was it the screamer said? It was too late? That he’d be dead very soon.

_It’s killing him. He’s gonna die._

No, I told myself. He wasn’t going to die because I wasn’t going to let him. I was going to figure this out and save him. I had to. He’d done it so many times for me. I couldn’t fail him now, not again.

“What can I do?” I asked quietly.

Bekkah sighed. “I don’t know, Terry. I wish I did. I don’t know what they did to him, but… the wounds aren’t really fatal. He should be healing. But he’s not, and he’s getting worse.”

I swallowed, feeling the bile rise back into my throat. “Has he been conscious?”

“On and off,” she said. “But not for very long. He’s always very disorientated; doesn’t remember what happened. He just asks about you, then drifts off again.”

_Asks about me…_

“How bad is…”

“It’s pretty bad,” she said quietly, leaving my death grip on Kieron’s hand tightening further. I had to be crushing it, but he didn’t seem to notice. “Getting worse. He… He’s fighting, Terry. He’s trying to… But he can’t keep it up.”

_Can’t keep it up…_

“Will the Elder be able to tell what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” she said somewhat uncertainly. “Hopefully.”

I opened my eyes, looking down at Kieron’s pale, pained face. “Why don’t I feel anything through the bond?”

“He’s closed it off,” she told me. “He said… He doesn’t want you to feel it.”

“Feel it?”

“The pain. Or… Or if he…”

_If he dies. He doesn’t want me to feel it._

Thoughtful, considerate. But not what I wanted. I needed to feel our connection right now, dammit. I needed him to open up. I didn’t care if I felt the pain; I just needed to be as close to him as I could right now, and that included our mental link. I just needed to feel _him_.

“Kie,” I said quietly, shifting a little closer. “Kie, can you hear me?”

Bekkah shifted behind me, padding toward the other room, giving me a bit of privacy, for which I was grateful. Even though she could probably hear everything we said if she wanted to; I knew she’d at least attempt to give us a private moment.

“Kieron, please. I… I want… I need to hear your voice right now, okay? I need you to wake up. Please, Kie. I can’t… I can’t do this alone.”

_I really need you to wake up, Kieron. Please. Or at least open the bond. Please, I don’t care about the pain, okay? I’ll get over it, just… Fuck. Kieron, please._

He groaned, causing me to swallow thickly as tired blue eyes opened, but only just. They were so goddamn _dark_ , like all the light had been stolen from them. It reminded me of before, when he’d almost died on me when he’d been stabbed by that golden blade. The way his eyes had gotten so dark and glazed, the red blood stealing all of his color so selfishly, a red tapestry I never wanted. It seemed to be happening again, history repeating itself, except this time it was a little different. There was still that same, dark and glazed look in his eyes, though, which left a sob catching in my throat.

I swallowed it down, because I couldn’t do this right now. I needed to be strong. He was in pain and maybe scared, though he’d never admit it. I had to be strong for him right now; I could break down later.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” I said weakly, offering a poor excuse of a smile. “Glad to see you’re awake.”

His eyes closed, a grimace overtaking his face as he shivered despite how hot his body was at the moment, sweat still beading his brow. “You okay?”

“Fuck, don’t worry about me,” I told him. “I’m fine. I swear. Just… Kie…” I took in a breath, attempting to reel in the tidal wave which had become my emotions. “You’re gonna be fine.”

“Horrible… liar, human.”

“I’m not lying. You’re gonna be just fine, Kieron. I swear.”

I wasn’t going to let him die. No fucking way.

Those few minutes of thinking the worst, of thinking the bond closed meant he was fucking _dead_ had been bad enough. To have it happen again, this time for real… to never see him wake up again, or touch him or hear him or-

_No. Not gonna happen._

“Kie?”

He’d gone quiet on me, eyes still closed. I felt a lot like we were back in the cells, when he could barely stay awake for even just a few minutes at a time, constantly exhausted and in pain. It was much like now, except this… somehow it was worse, because he wasn’t being injured. He wasn’t being tortured with a gold weapon of any kind. He was _here_ , where he should have been _safe_. He was away from the screamers and everything.

Except he wasn’t getting better.

_“He’s fading, Terry.”_

_Oh, God, don’t fade on me, Kie. I can’t…_

“Kieron? Stay wake, okay?”

I wasn’t ready to lose our connection just yet. Just a few more minutes, I told myself. Just a little longer…

His eyelids twitched but didn’t open. “ ‘m tired…”

“I know,” I said quietly. “I know you are, Kie. I just… Can you stay awake a little longer? Please?”

His eyes opened slowly, but they were finally open, and he was looking at me. Though, by the glazed look, I wondered if he really even saw me.

My free hand moved of its own accord, brushing back those damp bangs before trailing down his right cheek, toward his jawline before slipping away as his gaze focused a little more. That wasn’t what got to me, though – it was the fact he actually leaned _into_ the touch.

“Kieron,” I murmured, swallowing. “I… I lo-… I can’t… I’m gonna fix this, okay?”

“Can’t,” he sighed.

“I _can_ ,” I growled, shaking my head. “I’m gonna fix this, and you’re gonna be fine. Okay?”

“Human…”

“Don’t argue with me, Kie. You’re not… You’re gonna be fine. I promise. You’re gonna be just fucking _fine_.”

 _You’re lying to yourself,_ my mind told me.

_I’m not letting him die. I’m going to save him even if I die trying._

He’d saved me so many times. Besides, if he died… I’d never be the same. I couldn’t even imagine a life where he wasn’t around, when he wasn’t _with_ me, and just thinking about it left me so goddamn sick to my stomach. This wasn’t fucking _fair_. Why did it all have to keep happening to him? He’d never done anything wrong. This was all _my_ fault. Because of _me_ … Always because of me…

“Kieron, I’m _sorry_ ,” I all but choked, clenching my eyes tightly closed, attempting to calm my racing heart and violent onslaught of emotions, but found myself unable to do so, because this was _real_. He was really… He was really _dying_. His skin was too hot to the touch, his expression pained and forever creased, even in sleep, and according to Bekkah it just kept getting _worse_.

“Nothing to be sorry for.”

“I’m _sorry_ , Kie, I’m so fucking _sorry_ …”

“ ‘s okay.”

My eyes burned behind the closed lids. “I can’t… I can’t watch… You’re gonna be fine. I’ll think of something.”

_I won’t let you down again._

Fingers that were not my own brushed across the side of my face, across a cheek leaving hot trails in their wake. My eyes snapped open as I glanced at my perpetual, my free hand catching his hand, lowering it from my face, holding both of his hands between my own now.

“It’s okay, Terry. ‘s okay.”

“Fuck you,” I breathed. “It’s not okay, Kieron. It’s _not_. You… I can’t… Why did you leave me there…”

“Heard screamers,” he murmured, eyelids drooping even as I tightened my hold on his hands, like that could somehow keep him awake. “Went to… investigate once your brother was… done talking. Got sidetracked, keeping them busy… Then they veered off and went for your family…”

I took in a shaky breath. “Why didn’t you tell me, Kieron? I could have… I could have helped.”

_I could have stopped them. Stopped **this**. I could have saved…_

“Thought I could ‘andle it…”

“You… You did your best, Kie. You did fine. An Elder’s coming, okay? They’re gonna… they’re gonna fix this and make you better. So you just… rest up, alright?”

“ ‘m sorry…”

“Don’t be sorry,” I said quietly. “Just… take it easy. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, Kie.”

“ ‘m sorry…”

“Why’s the bond not open, Kie?”

“Closed it…”

“Why?” _How_?

“Const’nt p-ain… drive you… crazy…”

His blinks were becoming longer. I was losing him to the sleep he so desperately needed.

“I don’t care,” I told him, shaking him a little. “Do you hear me, Kie? I don’t care about the pain. Just… let me in, Kie. Let me help.”

He once said my happy thoughts were like relief to him. Perhaps I could offer him some desperately needed relief now.

But his eyes closed, and he sighed. “No, human.”

“Kieron-”

“You don’ need to… f-eel that…”

_But you’re feeling it, Kie. You’re feeling it all on your own._

And there was nothing I could do to help him. Because he wouldn’t let me.

“Kieron,” I said quietly, leaning over him, watching those closed eyelids. “Please. Let me in. Don’t… You don’t have to face this alone. I’m here and I’m not leaving you, okay? Kie?”

If he heard me, he didn’t acknowledge me, and with his portion of the bond effectively sealed off, I couldn’t even feel him very well. Sitting this close to him like I was now, physically touching him, I knew that hum wasn’t entirely gone, just silenced. It was still there, but nearly soundless and hidden.

“Kie,” I sighed, feeling the tears I’d been trying to hold back prick at my eyes finally, “you don’t have to go through this alone… I… I love… Kieron…”

With this sound which was more sob than sigh, I lowered my head and touched my forehead to Kieron’s, not caring about the sweat which met my skin, or the heat beneath me. I could hear his breaths now, how they were somewhat shaky and ragged. So ragged. They shouldn’t have been like that at _all_.

With a shaky, trembling breath I pulled back just enough to press my lips to his. His mouth was hot and chapped, but that was okay. After I felt stable enough I pulled away, watching his restless face.

“I’m gonna fix this, Kie,” I vowed. “I promise you.”


	27. Waiting

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Waiting

 

‘Fixing’ the situation wound up being harder than I thought. Not that I thought it would be easy, but this…

Tommy kept demanding answers. I could only hide away with Kieron so long. Lacy and Amanda were staying a hotel nearby, kept under surveillance by two perpetuals, though I was sure they didn’t know their bodyguards were technically immortal. Tommy, meanwhile, went back and forth between here and the hotel, attempting to talk to me but Bekkah wound up being a good bouncer, keeping him out because I was with Kieron.

That usually left him leaving because he knew Kieron wasn’t okay. He knew he was dying. Except, he thought it was because of the wounds he received, and in a way he was right, except he wasn’t. Because Kieron should have _healed_. This was something else, and I had no idea what to do about it except try to be there for him as we waited for the Elder to come.

It had been two days since I woke up. Two days of sitting here next to Kieron, attempting to keep talking to him, especially when he was awake. He’d yet to eat anything, though I got him to drink something a few hours ago. He wasn’t awake for very long, and it came and went randomly with no way to time it so I could be here when he was awake and slip away to attempt to answer Tommy’s questions. I refused to let him wake up alone.

So I stayed.

My stomach growled, but I didn’t actively feel hunger these days. My body responded to the natural need, but my mind was entirely too focused on other things, like the fact my goddamn boyfriend was dying. It was so surreal, because this couldn’t be happening. It _shouldn’t_ have been happening, and yet it was.

And he still had the bond closed on his end, so I couldn’t help him that way. I couldn’t offer him whatever relief he said my happy thoughts gave him. He once said he got sliced by a golden blade and didn’t even feel it because of those thoughts. I wanted to offer what little comfort I could, but he wouldn’t let me.

Fingers twitched next to me on the bed, causing me to glance away from the book I’d been reading aloud. It was the book Kieron left on the bedside table, and I had no idea if he could hear me or not when he was asleep, but I hoped it brought him even just a little comfort.

Blue eyes flickered open, peering at me.

“Hey,” I said quietly, swallowing back that lump in my throat, barely remembering to shove the bookmark into place before I closed the book and dropped it on the bed next to me.

“Still here?”

“I’m not going anywhere, Kieron.”

He grimaced, shifting a little. He had to be sore as hell from just lying around for days. Not to mention the pain I knew he was in already. “Don’ have to stay…”

“Not leaving you, Kie. Are you hungry? Think you can stomach something?”

He scowled at the thought, lips pursing somewhat.

“You need to eat something,” I told him, watching him. “I can make some soup, does that sound good?”

“Jus’ gonna sleep.”

“You should stay awake for a while.”

He’d been sleeping for _days_. As much as I knew he needed the rest, I found myself selfishly wanting him to stay awake this time. I’d talked myself hoarse reading to him while he was out of it, and I didn’t even know if he heard me.

He took in a breath. “Your brother’s here.”

I sighed. “He can wait.”

“You should… talk to him.”

“I will later,” I told him. _You’re more important right now._

“Go talk.”

“Later,” I promised. “Do you want some soup?”

He sighed, eyes closing momentarily, before opening again. The look he gave me was familiar, irritated and so _Kieron_ I almost laughed. Or cried. I wasn’t sure.

“Don’… have a choice, do I?”

I shook my head, happy he was acquiescing. “Nope,” I told him, pushing to my feet. “Wait here.”

The look intensified. “Where am I gonna go?”

I chuckled. It felt so incredibly good to do so, but he still looked like hell and there were still so many knots in my stomach. I didn’t want to leave him alone, but Bekkah was running interference with Tommy, keeping him out of the apartment. We were still in the adjacent apartment, not my own. Kieron wasn’t quite stable enough, and I didn’t want to move him if he found comfort in the bed he was in.

I eased from the room, feeling guilty when I lost sight of him, and turned my attention to the cabinets above the stove. I pulled free a can of soup and placed it on the counter next to the stove, then stood there for a minute, staring down at the burners. With a semi-shaky breath I attempted to pull my raging emotions together, because everything would be okay. The Elder would arrive hopefully by tomorrow, and they’d help Kieron. There was nothing to worry about, because everything was going to _fine_. Kieron would get help, and he’d heal and get better. He’d be back on his feet in no time.

_Yeah. And maybe he’ll invite you to a dance. Dream on, human._

I swallowed, closing my eyes, leaning forward, palms holding me up via the stove edge. Despite my efforts, bile rose in my throat because I _knew_. I _knew_ it wasn’t okay. Deep down, I knew I wasn’t going to find answers. A part of me knew the Elder might not be able to help, but if they couldn’t… Then we were back at square one, with Kieron dying and no way to stop it because we didn’t know what was _wrong_.

_No. It’s okay. It’ll be okay._

I promised I’d save him, and I would. I’d find a way. I wouldn’t let him die.

_Get it together. Kieron needs you right now. Soup, remember?_

I took in a breath and pushed away, snagging the can of soup in the process before I used the can-opener on it and dumped its contents into a bowl which I then shoved into the microwave. Three minutes later it was ready, the scent filling the small kitchen. I let it cool down a little bit before I grabbed a spoon and headed back into the bedroom.

Kieron was quiet and still, eyes closed. I sighed, placing the bowl on the bedside table before sitting on the edge, lightly grasping his shoulder. “Kie?”

Blue eyes opened, and I smiled down at him, brushing back those stubborn, damp bangs.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” I said quietly. “I have your soup. Can you… Can you sit up a little?”

I hadn’t even thought of that.

His expression darkened at the thought, but he gave a tight nod nevertheless, and pushed his elbows under him. I slipped my hands under his arms, helping him leverage himself up until his back was against the headboard. He sat there for a minute, eyes closed, grimacing, probably dizzy from the sudden change, before he nodded and looked at me.

I took the bowl, lifting the spoon. “Open up.”

“You’re not feeding me.”

“Uh huh. And how shaky is your hand, exactly?”

He lifted his hand slightly, scowling before letting it drop back down. “I think… I can handle a spoon.”

“Uh huh. Open up, tough guy.”

“Fine. But if you say anything… about trains…”

I laughed, grinning. “I would never, Kie-Kie.”

“Don’ call me that.”

I shrugged, moving the spoon toward his mouth. “Open.”

His lips parted and he ate what was on the spoon.

 

Kieron managed to keep the soup down, thankfully. He drifted off after eating, but at least he was awake for longer this time. Awake and lucid, answering me as well as he could. His voice alternated between strong and weak, depending on the pain, I presumed.

Currently I had to face Tommy. I’d been avoiding him since I first woke up, and Bekkah was tired of running interference. I couldn’t ignore him forever, after all. I just didn’t know what to say.

I knew he’d have questions about the attack. About Kieron. About why he wasn’t in a hospital if he was dying. I didn’t know how to answer any of those. I could tell him the truth, but he most likely wouldn’t believe me. He wouldn’t even trust me enough to not look Kieron up in the army and see it as his duty to inform me my boyfriend was lying to me. If he couldn’t trust me with that… then how was he supposed to believe anything about Ethereal, and perpetuals?

I wasn’t looking forward to this conversation.

Nevertheless I entered my apartment just as Bekkah was leaving to keep an eye on Kieron. One of us tried to always be there with him, just in case. I hated to think of just in case of _what_.

Tommy sat on my couch, but jumped to his feet when I entered. “Terry, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I said, scowling. “What do you want?”

“I just wanted to check on you.”

“Well, I’m fine.”

“I…” He took in a breath. “How’s Kieron?”

“What do you care?” The words shocked even me with their harshness.

“Terry… I’m _sorry_.”

“Little late for that.”

The horrible truth was, it _was_ too late for apologies. Because of Tommy, Kieron left the house that day. Maybe not because of Tommy’s words, like I’d originally thought, but it had made him stubborn enough to not tell me what was happening. To not invite me along, to not even tell me there was any danger. I hadn’t sensed anything. Then again, my mind had been a blur of rage at the time, rage at Tommy’s words and the fact Kieron wouldn’t answer me.

Perhaps I couldn’t blame it all on Tommy, but he’d been a part of it, and there was no one else I could blame except myself and Kieron. I could never blame Kieron, especially when he was in such a bad state. I blamed myself enough as it was. If I’d been there… If I’d known…

_Kieron, I’m sorry…_

“Terry, you have to know that I appreciate what Kieron-”

“He saved you,” I muttered. “So now you like him.”

“It’s not like that.”

“Then what’s it like, huh? Enlighten me.”

_And make it fast, please. Kieron might wake up while I’m gone._

Tommy rubbed at the back of his neck, looking at the floor. “I… I don’t…”

“Exactly,” I snapped, anger burning through me. I knew I was unconsciously taking my anger out on him, all those pent-up emotions because I couldn’t let them show when I was with Kieron, but I didn’t really care right now. He was an outlet I desperately needed.

“Terry…”

“You had no right to say anything him,” I growled. “No fucking right. And because of you… My boyfriend’s _dying_ and it’s at least partially _your fault_!”

He winced, my words hitting him hard. I rolled back on my heels, stunned I’d even said that, as he continued to look at the floor. An awkward silence wrapped around us like an unwanted, itchy blanket.

“I’m _sorry_ ,” Tommy whispered. “I’m so sorry, Terry. I… I didn’t mean… I only wanted what was best for you.”

“And did it ever occur to you,” I sighed, “that I wanted Kieron? You… You promised to be on your best behavior, Tommy. And… And… Everything was so _great_ …”

And then I couldn’t breathe, remembering the morning before. The morning before we went to Tommy’s. Everything was so fucking _perfect_. Everything I wanted. Waking on the couch, listening to Kieron say he did care in his own way, attempting to tell him I loved him…

I never said it.

I never said those words to him.

I tried, a few days ago. I tried when I woke up and went to him. But he didn’t hear me, and I didn’t say it very coherently. He still didn’t know. And now he was _dying_ , and-

“Terry, calm down.”

I sniffled, then, realizing Tommy had me caught in a tight embrace, my face buried in his shoulder, my fingers clutching at his shirt. I took in a shaky breath, attempting to reign in the sobs, but I couldn’t. All the anxiety, the worry and fear and despair, of the past few days flooded through me, leaving my breaths catching in my throat, my eyes burning.

“It’s okay, Terry,” Tommy said. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” I murmured, closing my eyes, biting my lower lip. “It’s not okay. It’s not… _It’s not okay_.”

“It’ll be okay.”

“How? How can it be okay? He’s…”

“I know, Terry,” Tommy said quietly, rubbing my back. “I know. I’m sorry. Maybe we should take him to the hospital, if your friend can’t help him.”

 _Friend_?

I wasn’t sure if he meant Bekkah or the Elder who was supposed to be coming.

“No hospital,” I mumbled.

“Why not?”

_Why not._

I didn’t know. I just knew it probably wasn’t a good idea. They’d question how he was still alive, try to give him something which would probably do more harm than good. They couldn’t understand what was wrong with him; they didn’t know anything about perpetuals.

But in Ethereal…

_Surely there are hospitals in Ethereal we could take him to._

As soon as the thought formed, I dismissed it. Even if we could take him to one, it wouldn’t be safe with the wars and everything. The wars I started. The wars I caused. And now Kieron couldn’t be helped because of it.

_I’m sorry, Kie, so sorry…_

“Why don’t you sit down, Terry?”

I wasn’t aware we were moving until Tommy released me, pushing me down onto the couch. Except now all I could think about was the last time I was on this couch. The morning before we went to Tommy’s. When everything had been _perfect_ and _right_ and-

_Oh, God, go back to that._

Go back to then, when everything was okay.

_Please go back._

Except I knew that wouldn’t happen. Time kept going despite the tragedies life brought. Time marched on with no thought to us. With no thought to Kieron’s declining condition. No thought to how desperately I wished I could rewind the past week and refuse to go to Tommy’s and instead stay here with Kieron…

_I’m sorry. Sorry._

“How is he?” Tommy asked quietly.

I took in a breath. “He’s… He ate some soup today.”

“That’s good,” he said, but I knew he was only humoring me. Saying what I wanted to hear. He knew the truth as much as I did.

“He’s not awake for very long.”

“He’s tired.”

“Yeah…”

He was so tired. Like being back at the Master’s place, being held captive, in that terrible room which had become our prison, with me forced to watch him deteriorate and him in pain and getting weaker. Much like now. Except he was away from the screamers and the Master and the danger. He should have been _fine_.

“I don’t… I can’t…” I swallowed. “I can’t watch him die, Tommy.”

The confession was quiet but sincere. Silence wrapped around us again, before Tommy sighed and wrapped an arm around me in an awkward, one-armed hug, pulling me toward him.

“I know you can’t, Terry,” he replied softly. “I know. I’m sorry. It’ll be okay.”

_No matter how many times you say that, it doesn’t make it true._

I knew that because I kept saying it to myself.

“I don’t know what to do…”

“I know. I know. I’m… I’m sure just being there helps him.”

“You don’t believe that,” I muttered, pulling away from him. “You don’t like him. You… You think he’s using me.”

“Terry…”

I shook my head, pushing to my feet. “I know you have questions, Tommy, but I need to get back to Kieron. We can… We can talk later.”

‘Later’ meaning ‘when Kieron’s better’ as opposed to ‘when he’s gone’. Because, _no_. No.

“Terry, wait.”

I opened the door, not looking back at him. “I know you’re worried, but I’m okay. I’m… I’m good. Just… leave me alone for a while. I’ll… I’ll call you at the hotel, okay? Just… _please_.”

“Okay, Terry,” he said quietly. “Whatever you need.”

I gave a tight nod and exited my apartment.

 

_I didn’t know I was different until I was seven and came across someone my age for the first time. By then I’d already been through primary training, knew basic math, and could play one hell of a game of hide and seek. Despite this, none of it was particularly fun. Hide and seek, while a game for other kids my age, was not one for me. Instead it was a survival strategy. Every so often I was the seeker, and if I failed, I was punished. If I succeeded, I was rewarded with zhin. Strategy was a part of life, and I thought this was normal until I met others my age._

_Jawson was the first kid I met who was my age. I disobeyed that day and decided to wander further into town without my parents. There, I met Jawson and he was playing hide and seek with his little sister. Kleo sometimes did that with me, but she had more important things to do than strategize with her little brother. I noticed she never played hide and seek._

_Jawson found his sister, but was not rewarded with zhin. When his sister looked for him and failed, she was not punished. They saw me watching them and gestured for me to join them, and thus I did._

_“Hi!” Jawson said, smiling widely, missing a front tooth which made him look kind of goofy. “I’m Jawson, but call me Jaw. It’s cool. Who are you?”_

_“Kieron,” I replied, frowning somewhat._

_“Hi! That’s my little sister Jana.”_

_Jana shyly hid behind her brother and I inclined my head in acknowledgment of her presence._

_“We’re playing hide and seek, if you want to join,” Jaw said._

_I shrugged. “Sure, I guess that’s okay._

_Even though technically, I wasn’t supposed to be there. I was already here, though, so I might as well do something productive. My parents would like that I was utilizing strategic games whilst not in their presence._

_I joined them in their game, and was ‘it’. After waiting the certain amount of time, I turned and began my search. With my good sense of smell, I managed to find them fairly easily. After a few rounds, they caught onto my ability and began to work around it, hiding in places hard to sniff out. When I had to admit defeat, failing to find them, they came out of hiding and Jaw smiled at me._

_I blinked at him, chewing momentarily on my lower lip. When he only said he would go ahead and be ‘it’ on the next round, I was confused. There was no punishment? I failed. I deserved punishment. It was how this worked._

_“You’re playing it wrong,” I told him._

_He frowned. “Huh?” His dark eyebrows creased in confusion._

_“You’re doing it wrong. I failed – you’re supposed to do something now.”_

_“Like what?” he asked, blinking confused brown eyes at me._

_I shrugged. “It depends on how much I failed.”_

_“I don’t know what you’re talking about…”_

_Irritation crept through me. It was bad enough I failed, now he was behaving oddly? “I failed to find you. Now you punish me. That’s how the game works.”_

_For a long moment, he stared at me, before he glanced at Jana, who shook her head, frowning. A scowl crept to life on my face._

_“I don’t understand,” Jaw said finally. “Why would you be punished? It’s just a game.”_

_“It’s a survival strategy,” I told him. “And I failed.”_

 

I came awake with a gasp, guilt immediately flooding through me when Kieron groaned next to me. I forgot he was partially laying against me after I’d pulled him toward me, attempting to get both of us comfortable for the night.

Another memory of Kieron’s. This one when he was a kid.

Survival strategies in ‘hide and seek’. Being punished if he failed to find someone. Rewarded with zhin if he won. When he was only _seven_. Perpetual or not, he’d just been a little _kid_. An innocent little kid.

Anger burned through me. How could anyone do that to a kid? To a Kieron who had been far more open, far more accepting and far more willing to talk and get along with others? It wasn’t fair. Even back then, he’d seemed to understand it to some degree. But he’d never met another kid his age until then; perhaps he’d just assumed Kleo, who was eight years older than him, had simply ‘passed’ whatever tests had been given to her and thus she got treated better. So he assumed it was normal to be treated like that, until he met those kids. I knew it planted a seed of doubt, and I was beginning to see how his more bitter nature took over.

But he’d just been a little kid. And they’d turned ‘hide and seek’ into something _strategic_ and _painful_ , if he failed.

I scrubbed a hand over my face. “Kie…”

_I’m sorry. I didn’t know._

It was in the past, I knew. Just a memory. He was centuries old; he’d only ben ten then. But everyone was a kid once. Everyone was _innocent_ once. He’d just been a little kid, willing and ready to please his parents just like any kid, and they’d punished him for failures. Given him treats when he did something right. It was what we did with _dogs_. Positive and negative reinforcement.

_Hey, you found me – have some zhin, good boy. Good find._

_Whoops, you lost me – need to be punished now. Bad boy._

Rage blazed through me.

“ ‘s okay,” Kieron murmured in my ear, causing me to stiffen and glance at him. His eyes were still closed, but his expression was mildly contorted.

“Did I wake you?”

“Kinda.”

“I’m sorry, Kie. I… How are you feeling?”

“ ‘m okay.”

“Are you thirsty?”

“No.” He paused, then, sighing. “Maybe a little.”

I crawled away from him. “I’ll get you some water.”

I disappeared into the kitchen, running my hands up and down my arms, attempting to brush away the _rage_. Yes, it happened to him. Yes, it was terrible. But it was in the past and there was nothing I could do about it. So I needed to get over it, because I couldn’t be distracted right now.

_Kieron…_

I took in a breath, grabbing a bottle of water from the refrigerator. I could deal with the rage and everything later; right now I needed to get back to Kieron.

I needed to keep a clear head.

Swallowing, I returned to the bedroom.


	28. A Chance

Chapter Twenty-Eight: A Chance

 

The Elder’s name was Arabeth. I vaguely remembered the name from when Kieron was stabbed with the golden blade. She was going to be called to do a Reading and see if she could help him, but he’d woken before she arrived so she wasn’t needed. Now, though, I hoped she could help.

Arabeth was a small woman who appeared to be in her early thirties, though I knew she was far older than that. She had long red hair pulled back into a tight ponytail and piercing blue eyes which reminded me of Kieron’s, but they weren’t the right shade. She looked small standing in the center of the living room as we invited her in.

“How is he?” she asked with this semi-raspy voice. It almost sounded like she had a cold and needed to clear her throat or something.

“Getting worse,” Bekkah answered for me. “I don’t know what’s wrong with him. He should be healing.”

I swallowed, watching them. Arabeth’s gaze flickered to me.

“You must be the human, Terry.”

I nodded. “Yeah, that’s me. Do you… You can help Kieron, right?”

“I will do my best to see what ails him.”

I nodded, gesturing toward the bedroom. “He’s in there.”

“Terry, why don’t you call your brother?” Bekkah asked. “This might take a while. I’ll call you as soon as we know anything.”

She was trying to get rid of me. Why?

I shook my head. “I think I’ll stay here.”

Bekkah watched as Arabeth disappeared into the bedroom, and grabbed my arm when I moved to follow.

“Reading’s aren’t always pretty,” she said quietly. “You don’t need to be here for this. I promise to let you know if we find out anything, but Kieron… He wouldn’t want you to be here for this.”

“What… I’ve had a reading done, it’s not… It’s not that bad, right?”

“This is different,” she murmured, shaking her head. “Just… got talk to your brother or something. Get away from the apartment for a while. I promise to call.”

“I can’t just… I can’t leave him.”

“Go eat with Tommy or something. You need to take care of yourself. When did you last eat?”

I frowned, attempting to come up with an answer. “Maybe… two days ago?”

She nodded. “Go eat, Terry. I’ll be here with Kieron; you know I won’t let anything happen to him.”

I did know that. But I couldn’t just _leave_.

“Please, Terry.”

“Why are you trying to get rid of me? I… I can handle a reading.”

“Go, Terry. For Kieron.”

“For…?”

“If you watch, he’ll know you’re here. He’ll sense your emotions on it and he’ll try to do something. It’s… It’ll be easier if you’re not here for this. Plus, you might expose yourself as…”

_The aggressor._

I took in a breath. I hadn’t even thought of that. “I… Are you sure… it’ll help him?”

“Yes, Terry. Go somewhere with your brother.”

I hesitated. “I don’t… Call me if…”

“I will,” she promised with a soft smile. “Go, Terry.”

I swallowed, eying the doorway for the bedroom momentarily, before I nodded and grabbed my shoes.

 

Dinner was uncomfortable at best. Tommy and I barely spoke, me too focused on my thoughts and Kieron’s declining health, and him hesitating to ask for answers. I couldn’t offer any right now, I told him. So please don’t ask.

He, thankfully, kept quiet, we had our meal, and Bekkah called Tommy’s cell phone to tell me Arabeth had finished.

I dropped Tommy off at the hotel – barely stopping long enough for him to get out – and then hurried back to the apartment. Quickly I exited the vehicle and darted into the apartment next to mine, finding Bekkah waiting for me in the living room with Arabeth. Both expressions were less-than-comforting.

“Well?” I asked. “You can help him, right?”

Arabeth sighed. “Sadly, I cannot.”

“You… You can’t?”

My legs shook, despair beginning to clog my senses. I shook it away for the time being. “What… What’s wrong with him?”

“He’s been poisoned,” Bekkah said, causing my gaze to shift toward her.

“P-Poisoned? How?”

“I don’t know. His wounds are filled with it. We think it might have been a knife. A golden one, but… slightly altered.”

“Altered?” I echoed.

_How was it altered? Why…?_

“Something’s different about the knife. It’s more… _liquid_. Think of that knife being injected him with an IV.”

I winced at the thought. That’d be like having that gold stuff pushed directly into his veins and would be incredibly painful. It would, however, explain his constant pain, the way he said it ‘hurts’, and the pain I felt with his words.

“He… He had to let it bleed out before,” I said. “He… Will that help?”

_No. They would have done that by now._

Arabeth shook her head. “Unfortunately, the poison’s too far into his system. It’s in his heart, lungs – everywhere. Nowhere is untouched.”

“What… What’s that mean?”

_C’mon, Terry. You know what that means. You just don’t want to think about it._

“I can’t save him,” she told me, leaving me sinking to my knees in the middle of the living room, sucking in shaky breaths. “I’m sorry. Unless we find the poison, the knife, I can’t make an antidote.”

“I… I’ll find the knife,” I told her.

It had been at the house, right? Except I’d killed that screamer, when that burning sensation swept through me, or so Bekkah told me. I still couldn’t remember it very well.

“You can’t,” Bekkah said quietly, lightly touching my shoulder.

“Why not?” I snapped, glaring up at her.

“Because you destroyed it,” she told me, her voice treating me like glass.

“I… No. I didn’t.”

_No, no, no, I didn’t. I couldn’t._

“When you… When you lost control, the screamer disintegrated. So did the knife.”

I clenched my eyes tightly closed, dropping forward a little, now on my hands and knees, palms holding me up as I sucked in deep, heaving breaths, bile lodged in my throat.

I did this.

I did this.

_No!_

This was my fault. I lost control because I had no idea what that even _was_ , and I killed the screamer and destroyed the knife with it. The only thing that… The only thing that could save Kieron, and it was gone because of _me_.

_Oh, God, Kie, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry!_

“There is most likely another one,” Arabeth said, dragging me from my despair and guilt.

“Another knife? Would… that work?”

“It might,” she said. “But I have no idea how to go about finding it. We don’t even know how these weapons are being made. And the only one who knows what this weapon is like, what it looks and smells and feels like, is Kieron.”

I let that sink in. “So… he’s the only one who can identify what can save him.”

“Essentially,” she answered.

I swallowed, looking at her. “So we take him to Ethereal. We find the weapons, bring them back to him.”

“He doesn’t have that kind of time,” Bekkah murmured, hand touching my shoulder again. I shook her off.

“Then what do we do?” I growled. “We can’t just let him die!”

I looked at Arabeth.

“You need me,” I said. “You guys need me. And you won’t get a _thing_ from me if you let him die. Do you hear me? Not a _thing_!”

She watched me with this blank expression I didn’t like. Then she sighed. “There is a way to extend his time.”

“What is it?”

“It’s going to require sacrifice on your part.”

“Anything,” I answered instantly.

“The poison is wearing down his reserves, flooding his system, and not giving him a moment of rest. From what Bekkah has told me, you feel his pain but he has closed the bond off.”

I nodded. “Yeah, he did.”

“Normally I wouldn’t think it possible to extend the time, but Bekkah has told me you are the aggressor.”

I swallowed, shooting a glance at Bekkah. “You _told_?”

“Listen, Terry,” she said quietly. “I had a good reason.”

I knew she must have. She wouldn’t betray us like that without a reason.

“I know you are worried about me knowing, but it does make a difference in his chances,” Arabeth said, dragging my attention back to her and that blank stare. That blank, uncaring stare.

_She doesn’t care if he lives or dies._

I took in a breath. Getting pissed right now wasn’t the best option.

I could keep a clear head for Kieron.

“Have you ever been able to relieve some of his pain?”

I nodded. “He, um… He once said my, er… ‘happy’ thoughts were like relief. Said he got sliced by a golden blade once and didn’t feel it because of it.”

She nodded. “I see. So it’s possible.”

“ _What’s_ possible?” I demanded, pushing to my feet.

“In a bond as strong as yours,” she started, “you do not simply ‘feel’ each other’s pain. Those aren’t phantom aches you’re feeling, Terry. They’re the actual pain that’s been transferred through the bond when his control slips.”

“Transferred? Control?” I echoed, frowning, mind spinning. First hearing her say he couldn’t be helped, now this… I didn’t know what to do or say. But at least he had a chance.

“The pain transfers through the bond to split between the two partners. You are feeling a fraction of his pain, depending on how much he allows to seep through. When you are feeling it, he’s feeling that much less on his end. It really is like relief. Your ‘happy’ thoughts can also mask the pain by pushing other thoughts toward him.”

My thoughts spun through my mind, leaving me scrubbing a hand over my face. “So… how can I extend his time?”

“If he shares the pain with you,” Bekkah said, “it lessens the effect it has on him. Except this way, you’d both be suffering, just… a little less than what he is right now. And it wouldn’t buy us a lot of time, but maybe just enough.”

I took in a breath. “How long… otherwise?”

Even though I didn’t want to know.

“A few days,” Bekkah said quietly. “At most. Maybe three.”

I closed my eyes, swallowing thickly. “How do I get him to share the pain?”

I’d do whatever it took to help him, to extend his time until we could find an answer. Even if that meant being in pain like him. I didn’t care. I’d do it.

“You have to get him to open the bond.”

 

_How do I get him to open the bond?_

He closed it, even though I wasn’t sure how. So I wouldn’t feel the pain, but in order to help him, I _needed_ to feel the pain. How to convince him of this, though, when he could be so stubborn…

I’d find a way to do it, though. Because otherwise…

_“A few days, at the most. Maybe three.”_

_Oh, God. No. It won’t happen._

I watched my mom die. I couldn’t watch Kieron die – again. I’d watched it once before, believed it to be real then, but we were so much closer now. So, so much closer. My mind drifted back once again to the morning before we went to Tommy’s, how _close_ we’d been, how we connected and how it was so perfect. So, so perfect.

I’d give anything to go back to that morning, and make it stretch on forever. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t make it last, and I couldn’t stop it.

Currently I was sitting next to Kieron, as always, reading his book to him. I doubted he heard me, but it gave me a bit of peace of mind. If he did hear me, he’d know I was here and I wasn’t going anywhere. He seemed to think I’d abandon him. Judging from his childhood, I could see where he was coming from, but I wasn’t leaving him.

He didn’t wake yesterday, when Arabeth gave me the news. Mark off one of his three remaining days, and he still wasn’t showing signs of waking. What if he never woke? What if he slept the rest of his life away, and I couldn’t talk him into opening the bond?

_No. He’ll wake up. He has to._

Wishful thinking, a part of my mind told me. I didn’t care. He’d wake up because life couldn’t be so unfair as to make him sleep the whole time and never even give me a _chance_ to help him.

_Why him._

Why did he have to suffer? It was _me_ everyone was after; why _him_? Why my family? Why…?

 _Asking questions in your head won’t get you answers,_ my mind said, sounding a lot like Kieron.

I took in a breath, glancing away from the words I could barely read anymore, at Kieron’s pale face. “Kie, I really need you to wake up. Please.”

I couldn’t focus on the words anymore, my vision a little too blurred, my mind too fatigued and yet too awake, burning with less-than-hopeful thoughts.

“Please, Kie. I… I need to talk to you. Okay? If you can hear me… Kie?”

He didn’t move, his eyelids didn’t twitch. He gave no indication he heard me at all, but I didn’t expect an response. He hadn’t responded the past day, why would he start now? So I didn’t expect him to answer, but I so desperately _needed_ him to do so.

“Kieron, _please_. I need you to wake up, okay? Just… Just for a minute. That’s all. Please?”

But he wasn’t answering, and time kept ticking on with no thought to us. The world kept spinning, the war kept going, and in some dark corner of Ethereal and I knew the Master had to be grinning.

_Fuck him. I’m gonna kill him._

I took in a breath, attempting to steady the raging emotions, but it was so _hard_.

“Kieron? Please. Please wake up. Just… for a minute, that’s it. That’s all I need, Kie. Please? Kieron, you – I need you to wake up for me. Five minutes, Kie, that’s all I ask. Please, Kieron? Can you… Can you even hear me?”

 _Probably not,_ my mind said.

I closed my eyes. _Please, Kieron. Fuck. Hear me, wake up, talk to me…_

“Wake up, you asshole, do you hear me? You don’t get to sleep forever!” Rage shot through me. How dare he do this to me! “I just need five minutes of your time, Kieron, wake up!”

“ ‘ive minutes,” came a tired voice.

I opened my eyes, looking down at his barely parted lids. “Oh, fuck, you’re awake.”

_Thank fucking God._

“Kieron, I need you to listen to me, okay?”

“ ‘m listenin’.”

“Good, Kie. Good. Look, Arabeth did a Reading, okay? She… You’ve been poisoned.”

Slow blinks. “ ‘kay…”

_Okay? Okay?! That’s all you have to say?_

“We… We can help you, we just… need to find the antidote, and we… we need you to help.”

“ ‘m tired…”

“I know, Kie,” I breathed, fingers threading with his own limp ones, “I know you’re tired. I know you’re in pain and exhausted and… But there’s a way to help. There’s a way to share… We can… That is, I-”

“ ‘m not openin’ ‘ond,” he slurred sleepily, eyelids drooping.

I stared at him, swallowing thickly. “You… You know?”

“Not doin’ it.”

“Kieron, you have to,” I told him. “It’s… It’s the only way.”

“Gonn’ die anyway.”

I drew in a shaky breath. “No,” I hissed. “You’re gonna be fine, okay? We just… We just need time to find the antidote, that’s all. And we can find it. We _can_ , don’t argue with me, dammit! You’re not… You’re not fucking _dying_ on me, okay? So just… just… let me help you.”

He watched me for a long moment, blinks getting slower and slower.

His eyes closed. “No.”

_No? No?!_

“Kieron, you have to let me help,” I told him, tightening my hold on his hand. “Okay? If you… If you don’t… Kieron…”

“I know.”

“Fuck you,” I growled, hovering over him. “Fuck _you_. And open your eyes, asshole, I still have three minutes!”

“ ‘uman…”

“You have to let me help. I know it hurts; I know you’re tired. I _know_ , okay? I can help. I can fix it.”

“Can’t be f-ixed.”

“Yes it can,” I snapped, fighting the urge to shake him. No matter how angry I was, how desperate, I couldn’t cause him that pain. “I can fix it, okay? Trust me. I’ll… I’ll fix this. Just… You have to let me, okay?”

“N-o…”

“You’ll _die_ ,” I hissed through clenched teeth, looking into those too-glazed blue eyes. “Do you hear me? You’ll _die_ , Kieron.”

“I… know…”

“Is that what you fucking _want_?” There I stopped, the fight leaving me, my shoulders drooping as I swallowed thickly. “Kie, do you… do you want to die?”

_He said he didn’t want to anymore. He said he didn’t want to anymore He said-_

I knew what he said. But…

_“I don’t have much to give.”_

My grip on his hand slipped into crushing territory. “Kie? Answer me. Do you want to die?”

His eyes closed. “Time’s up.”

“I still have thirty seconds,” I snapped. “Answer me.”

No answer.

“Kieron – Kieron, open the bond. Kieron, do you hear me? Are you listening? Hey! You bastard, I still have – open the bond! Kieron, you fucking – _open the bond_!”

 

_He didn’t open the bond._

The thought kept swirling through my mind, in a vicious circle. He had to open the bond to let me help him, and extend his time. But he didn’t open the bond, even though I asked. I told him to.

_He didn’t open the bond._

Another day passed. And he didn’t open the bond.

He was getting worse. His breaths were short, staccato. They came in sharply then tapered off just as suddenly. They were quick, ragged. His pulse raced beneath hot, pale skin. Behind his eyelids blue eyes darted this way and that in a fitful sleep I couldn’t rouse him from.

Time was slipping away.

And I couldn’t stop it.

_He didn’t open the bond._

Why? Why didn’t he open the bond?

One day. That was it. That was all that was left, and they said that was the _most_. Meaning it might not even have that long. He could…

I swallowed, throat constricting.

_He could die any time._

That was why Bekkah kept hovering nearby, never leaving the living room. That was why she kept giving me those _looks_. That was why she’d stopped offering to sit with Kieron while I got some sleep, even though I never took her up on that offer.

She’d given up.

She didn’t think he was going to live.

I wanted to be angry. So fucking angry.

 _How can you do this?_ I wanted to shout. _How can you give up on him and let him die?_

But it wasn’t her fault. Kieron hadn’t woken since I tried to get him to open the bond, and that was a day ago. His time was rapidly dwindling and there was little either of us could do to stop it. She was just… tired. She didn’t think he’d wake again. She wanted to be close for ‘when it happened’ – _fuck, don’t happen, no, no, no_ – but she didn’t want to drag me away from him, just ‘in case’.

So she sat in the living room, and waited.

We were all waiting. Me for Kieron to wake up, Tommy for answers, and her for Kieron to…

My fingers tangled in Kieron’s hair, brushing through the strands. He could use a shower, even though he was no longer sweating. He’d stopped doing that last night, which I knew was a bad sign. Sweating was a sign of the body fighting the infection; if he’d _stopped_ sweating…

_No longer fighting._

_“Do you want to die?”_

A sob lodged in my throat. “Kieron,” I whispered, “please wake up. Please open the bond. Please, I can’t… I can’t do this, okay?”

_I can’t do this without you. Please. Open the bond._

If he didn’t open the bond, didn’t let me in to help him, he was going to die. Very soon. I knew that, Bekkah knew that, _Kieron_ knew that. He knew but didn’t care.

_“Do you want to die?”_

I closed my eyes, attempting to swallow that lump in my throat. “I don’t want you to die, Kie… Please. I can’t… I _need_ you. Kieron?”

_I need you. I… I want you. Please. Don’t do this._

I knew he couldn’t hear my thoughts. He had his portion of the bond closed; my thoughts only rang through my own mind. But I thought it and sent it out nevertheless, because I was growing increasingly more desperate as time ticked by. As the seconds and minutes and hours passed.

_I don’t want you to die._

“Kieron, _please_ …”

He woke with a cough. It shocked us both. I sat back, scanning him over as his eyes clenched tighter shut, a grimace overtaking his face as he kept coughing. Blood dotted his lips and I sat back further, probably close to breaking his hand with my grip, but he didn’t seem to notice.

“Kieron…?”

“H-urts…”

“I know,” I said quietly, shifting closer as his eyes opened somewhat. “I know it hurts. I know. Open the bond, Kie. I can help. Let me help.”

“H- _urts_ …”

I couldn’t stop the small sob which emerged from my lips at the pitiful whine of his voice. He _never_ should have sounded like this. He wasn’t vulnerable and fragile, something which could be shattered – but right now, that was exactly what it seemed like. He could break at any moment, was shattering before my eyes and I couldn’t help him if he didn’t _let me_.

“Kieron, _please_ ,” I whispered, bringing my free hand to his cheek, softly wiping away a speck of blood with my thumb. “Please let me help. I can’t… I can’t watch you die. Okay? Let me help. Open the bond.”

“N-o…”

“Why not?”

“You don’… n-eed to… f-eel… _hurts_ …”

“I _want_ to feel it,” I told him.

“Cr-azy…”

“I want to help you. Please. If you… If you don’t let me in… if you don’t open the bond…” I fought back another sob. “If you don’t let me do this, you’re gonna die very soon, okay? As in _days_.”

 _If that,_ my mind said.

_Please shut up. He’s not gonna die._

“But if you let me help you… We can find an antidote, Kie. We _can_ , so don’t tell me we _can’t_. Okay? Just… Just let me in.”

He watched me for a moment, in the dim lighting of the dying sunlight, and then threw his head back, grunting as the pain clearly intensified. I brushed back those stubborn bangs for what felt like the millionth time, my fingers lingering longer than necessary, reveling in the touch even though he was entirely too hot.

“Let me in,” I said quietly. “Please, Kieron. I want to help.”

“C-an’t…”

“I _can_ , dammit, I can help! If you let me. Please? I don’t… I don’t want you to die.”

“ ‘s okay…”

“No, it’s _not_ ,” I growled. “Do you hear me? It’s not okay if you die. It’s _not_. I don’t care if you have some death wish – I’m not letting you do this! I’m not letting you die!”

“Why’s it… m-atter s-o much…”

“Why’s it…? You have to ask why it…? Because I love you, you idiot!”

There we both froze, me staring at him in shock and him just watching me, his eyes widening and clearing a little, like he’d shaken off some of the haze of pain I knew had to be in his mind. For a long moment we sat there staring at each other, and I quietly counted the seconds which lapsed into minutes.

Kieron’s hand gave mine a light squeeze before his eyes slid shut.

I squeezed back. “I… I love you, okay? I don’t… I don’t know how it happened, or when, or… I know I said I don’t believe in true love or anything, but… but I believe in _this_ , okay? I believe in _us_.”

He stayed quiet, but I knew he was awake. I knew he was listening. He had took tight a grip on my hand to be out of it again.

“I know… I know you can’t say it back, and that’s perfectly fine, okay? I don’t… I don’t need that. I don’t need the words. I just… I just need…” I swallowed, attempting to find the correct words, but nothing really seemed appropriate. I needed a lot of things, but a majority involved- “You. I just need _you_.”

Kieron was quiet for a long moment. More seconds and minutes ticked by, and I attempted to reign in my terror. Not just at the time passing us by, quietly stealing away his life, but at the fear of his rejection. He could hate me for this, or not believe me, or a multitude of other things. But he deserved to know. No matter what, I finally told him.

“I can’t… I can’t do this without you, okay, Kieron?” I murmured, breaking the silence. “I want… I want to help you. I can’t watch you die. Not… Not again. I can’t… I just _can’t_ , okay? So if you’re keeping the bond closed to help me… you’re not. You’re not helping me at _all_ , Kieron. But if you _do_ want to help me… then please, _please_ let me in.”

His eyes opened somewhat.

“Open the bond, Kie,” I said quietly, watching him all the while for a sign any of this was getting through to him. “Please. I just… Give me this. Give me a chance. Don’t… Don’t give in so _easily_. You’re a fighter, so fight. Let me in, let me help, let me _fix this_. Okay?”

His gaze narrowed somewhat, studying me.

“Open the bond, Kieron,” I whispered. “Please. Just open the bond and _let me in._ ”

“Okay,” he breathed.

I started, uncomprehending for a moment. “O-Okay?”

“Okay,” he repeated just as quietly, his voice merely this soft breath of air. “I’ll l-et you in.”

And then the bond opened. It was this sudden igniting in my mind, but in a good way. Much like when I was in the shower when he first made contact with me via mind link, before he practically died on me the first time, except stronger now. More complete, because I’d had it and then had been missing it for a while now, and now it was _back_ and he finally _let me in_.

I bent over him, touching my forehead to his, closing my eyes, relief ebbing through me. “Oh, thank you. Thank you. _Thank you_.”

“Don’ thank me,” he murmured.

And then came the pain.

It came over me in this solid tidal wave, ramming into me like a physical force, leaving me gasping, groaning, and sobbing at the same time. My blood was gasoline, my heart the lighter continuously burning it and releasing more of the liquid to be ignited. Everything _ached_ and _burned_ and for a moment all I could do was sit there, hovering over him with our foreheads still touching, a solid link to reality. His hand squeezed my own, very tightly which caused more pain, but at least this time it _was_ physical. It became my anchor, grounding me to reality, and I managed to push back some of the pain, blinking my eyes open. Kieron was watching me carefully, his eyes almost crossed to look at me since I was so close to him, but he was awake, alert, and his eyes were the brightest I’d seen them in _days_.

“ _Kieron,_ ” I whispered, “you’re better.”

“For now,” he agreed. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?”

“If you wake up screaming, it’s your own damn fault.”

_I’d rather wake up screaming because of this than of you being gone._

**_Don’t get all sentimental._ **

His voice, echoing through my mind like that, left me laughing and crying all at once, all the pent-up emotion of the past week flooding out yet again, and I all but collapsed into him. His arms came up, embracing me in a surprisingly strong grip, holding me to his chest as I slipped down somewhat, burying my face in his shoulder, breathing in the scent of him. So right, so familiar, and so _wanted_.

“It comes in waves,” he said.

“That’s not why I’m crying, asshole.”

“Then why?”

“Because… Because you’re _dying_ , and… and you finally let me help. I can fix this now.”

“That’s no reason to cry.”

“It’s happy tears.”

“Even less reason to cry.”

I gave this choked, weak laugh. “I love you, Kieron.”

He was quiet for a long, long moment. I wondered if he fell asleep again, except his arms were still solidly around me, a protective, warm blanket if ever there was one.

“Yeah, well,” he sighed finally, “you’re not so bad yourself.”


	29. Like Glass

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Like Glass

 

At first I couldn’t believe Kieron was really better. He was still on borrowed time, sadly, but he could actually sit up now, and walk in short bursts. He was getting stronger. The pain came in waves; when I was in pain, he wasn’t. When he was in pain, I wasn’t. It was a weird trade off, but as long as he was getting better, I didn’t mind the bouts of mind numbing pain. There wasn’t _always_ pain, either. We could both be pain free sometimes. According to Arabeth, this was because the poison was designed to flow through one person; it had difficulty splitting between two. It was still a poison coursing through Kieron’s system, though. We were on a time limit.

I was just happy to see him up and moving around. Happy to see that glazed look gone from his eyes, happy to see his fever was dying down. He’d started sweating again a few hours after he opened the bond, which meant his body was back to fighting the infection. From there his fever went down into a more acceptable range. I didn’t bother trying a thermometer, though; Arabeth advised me not to as I wouldn’t like the readings.

Apparently perpetuals had a higher core body temperature; who knew? So of course the readings on the thermometer would be high, and if we had taken him to a human hospital, they would have attempted to bring it down to normal human range, which could have done some serious damage to his already fragile system. So, at least I hadn’t agreed with Tommy and taken him to the hospital.

I shuddered to think about the outcome if I _had_ agreed.

But as it was, Kieron was looking better.

Currently we were back at our apartment. _Ours_. I smirked at the thought.

Kieron slipped away, grumbling about a shower he desperately needed, and while I knew he wanted to do this himself to show he could still do things on his own, I couldn’t help but follow after him. He was still weak, even though he was feeling better. Plus, he might get a bout of pain while he was in there, and fall and hit his head or something. Neither of us should be alone right now.

“I can do this on my own,” he muttered, stopping inside the bathroom, arm held out over the doorway, stopping me from following after him.

“I need a shower too, and we’re leaving soon,” I said.

“Not ‘til tonight.”

“Kieron, just… Neither of us should be alone right now.”

He watched me for a moment, before he sighed and dropped his arm, turning to face the shower. I entered the bathroom and we both stripped. I watched him, not because I was enjoying the sight, but because I wanted to be ready in case he needed help. His muscles were still sore and weak from laying around so long. He scowled at the scrutiny, turning away from me, and managed to get out of his clothes just fine.

I released a breath I hadn’t known I’d been holding, and stepped into the shower with him. I knew he wouldn’t have appreciated being helped.

The water was warm and welcome against my skin. My own muscles were sore from sitting next to him for so long, talking myself hoarse while reading to him. If he remembered me reading to him, or heard me at all while I was doing so, he gave no indication. That was okay, though; I hoped he just knew I was there for the majority of his time in bed, and that I didn’t plan on leaving him.

I finally told him I loved him; afterward he finally opened the bond. I wasn’t sure of those were connected, but I liked to think it helped him make the decision. Either way I was just grateful he allowed me the chance to help, allowed us to have enough time to find a way to save him.

It was hard to remember and think about the fact that he was still dying. He looked so much better than he had in so long; how could he still be sick? How could he still be dying? On borrowed time?

“Knock it off,” Kieron snapped, breaking me from my thoughts as I glanced at him in the warm shower spray which darkened his hair and yet made it glisten all the same.

“Sorry,” I said. “I just…” My gaze lowered, then, toward the slippery, wet bathroom floor.

“Happy shit, human.”

I swallowed. “I know. It’s just… hard. That’s all. I’ll… I’ll get better.”

_And so will you._

The pain hit me, then. There was no warning; one minute I was fine, the next I wasn’t. It ignited in my mind first, then spread through my body as the blood circulated. I crashed to my knees, releasing a cry as the pain intensified, my kneecaps smacking hard against the bathtub floor. Water sprayed over my back, seemingly acid to my suddenly sensitive skin.

It seemed to last forever, but in reality probably only lasted roughly ten minutes. I became aware of things only when it began to dissipate. The shower was turned off, Kieron kneeling in front of me, a hand heavy on my shoulder. I attempted to focus on that, pushing the rest of the pain from my mind despite how tired I suddenly felt as the adrenaline-infused pain left me.

“I warned you,” Kieron said, eyes narrowing into a glare. “I fucking warned you.”

I swallowed, shaking my head before wincing as the pain reignited there with the movement. I had a killer headache. “I… I’m okay. Don’t worry about it.”

I’d rather deal with the sudden onslaughts of pain than with the fact Kieron would be dead soon, would _already_ be dead if he hadn’t opened the bond.

“I can always close it.”

I shot him a glare. “Don’t you fucking dare,” I hissed. “I’m _fine_. I don’t mind the pain.”

“Human-”

“ _No_. Don’t you dare close the bond, you asshole,” I snapped, glaring at him. “I can handle a little pain.”

“A _little_?” he growled back. “You have blood running down your goddamn chin, human!”

I frowned, bringing a hand up to rub at my nose. It was, in fact, bleeding. A lot. I wiped the blood away, swallowing. “I’m fine. I’m okay.”

“Who are you trying to convince?”

“No one,” I snapped. “I’m fine! I can handle it, okay?”

I could handle it to save him. I could handle anything to do that.

“I can close-”

“ _Don’t you dare_ ,” I growled, glaring at him. “I swear to fucking God, Kieron, if you close the goddamn bond… Don’t you fucking do it.”

He sighed heavily, shaking his head. “Don’t come crying to me when it becomes too much.”

With that he got to his feet and turned the shower back on.

 

Tommy had a lot of questions, but I managed to dodge them for the time being. We were getting ready to leave for Ethereal; I didn’t have time to answer his questions or explain anything to him. I wanted to. I knew he’d worry when I disappeared again, but Kieron needed me to do this. This was for his _life_ , and I wasn’t sure how to explain this to Tommy. I’d given him a vague ‘we have to go somewhere for Kieron; someone has something to help him. Be back whenever.’ But he wasn’t very satisfied with that. Thankfully Bekkah was a great bouncer and kept him out and away from the apartment.

Kieron’s fever had returned. Bekkah assured me it would come in waves, just like the pain, so I didn’t need to worry about it too much. I hadn’t asked how much time the opening of the bond would give him; I didn’t want to hear the answer. Wasn’t sure if I could handle it at the moment, on top of everything else. I knew we were on a time limit, but I didn’t want to know when it all might end.

_Don’t think like that._

There wouldn’t _be_ an end. At least, not an ending which didn’t include Kieron being _alive_.

It was hard to see him like this – broken down, vulnerable, _glass_ under my touch. I was almost afraid to touch him, afraid the moment might shatter, or I would wake up to find he _hadn’t_ opened the bond.

_He opened the bond. He’s safe for now. There’s time._

And I wouldn’t let him die. I’d do whatever it took to find the antidote.

And if anyone got in my way… they’d die. Nothing would stop me.

I didn’t like the thought of killing. I hated to think I had that in me. But so far all I’d killed were bad guys – those guys at the pizzeria and a screamer. And one very vital knife.

I still wasn’t sure how I did that, how I could kill them at all. My memories of it were fuzzy at best. I vaguely remembered Bekkah’s hands, burnt from touching me when I’d lost control or whatever it was I did. I remembered this _burning_ which raged through me when I saw Kieron motionless on the ground. I remembered wanting to _kill_ that screamer. But if I’d had more control, I could have at least saved that knife.

And then maybe by now, Kieron would have been _fine_. But no, I’d destroyed it along with the screamer and now we were on borrowed time.

_But at least there’s still time._

I drew in a breath, glancing at Kieron who slept semi-peacefully in our bed. I was happy to see that crease in his brow was almost gone, happy I could at least give him the peaceful rest he so desperately needed. Bekkah poked her head into the bedroom, causing me to glance at her.

“It’s time to go,” she said quietly.

I nodded. “Okay. Give us a minute.”

She nodded and went back to the living room. I looked back at Kieron, knowing I’d have to wake him despite how much I just wanted to let him sleep. Sighing, I reached out guiltily and touched his shoulder.

“Kie?” I murmured. “It’s time to go. Kieron?”

He sighed, opening his eyes. “Yeah. Okay.”

I chewed on my lower lip as he sat up without my help. He was stronger than he’d been a while, but I knew it wouldn’t last. If this didn’t work…

I closed my eyes.

_No. Don’t think about it._

Everything would be okay. There was no other alternative I was willing to accept.

“Okay,” Kieron said, snapping me out of my thoughts, “I’m ready.”

He lifted a duffel bag over his shoulder. I moved forward and grabbed it from him. The scowl he shot me was so _normal_ I actually smiled.

“No heavy lifting,” I said.

“Clothes aren’t heavy.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.”

He sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I’m not made of glass, Terry,” he said quietly, turning those blue eyes on me.

I swallowed, looking away. “I know,” I murmured.

“I can handle a duffel bag.”

“I know,” I said again, sighing. “I just…”

_It’s hard._

Hard to remember he _wasn’t_ okay. No matter how _okay_ he looked right now, he wasn’t.

“I’m not gonna break.”

“I _know_.”

“So what’s the problem?”

I shrugged. “I… I don’t know.”

He sighed, then, his fingers curling easily around my wrist, pulling me toward him. Then his lips met mine in this gentle kiss. I hadn’t realized he could be so gentle. After a moment he pulled away, nodding toward the doorway.

“Can we go now?”

I nodded. “Sure, Kieron,” I sighed. “We can go.”

We joined Bekkah in the living room. Arabeth stood next to her. She wasn’t going to leave us alone to travel; she was going to come with us to keep an eye on Kieron’s health. I was happy for this, but also worried. If she was going to bother spending all of her time watching Kieron, that meant he might not have very long. They told me it wouldn’t buy him a _lot_ of time, but hopefully just enough. I could fix this. I _would_ fix this.

There was a knock at the door.

Kieron scowled. “Your brother,” he told me.

I swallowed, unsure what to say to him. But I nodded anyway and moved to answer the door, dropping the duffel near my feet as I did so. Tommy stood there, hand raised to knock again. I stepped out of the apartment and closed the door behind me, shivering somewhat because I hadn’t thought to grab my jacket. It was strung over the back of the couch.

“Hey,” I said quietly.

“Hey,” he replied, frowning at me. “What’s going on? Where are you going?”

I shook my head. “Just… somewhere where someone might be able to help him.”

“You need to take him to the hospital,” Tommy said. “And why did you say not to go to the police?”

I frowned, because I’d almost forgotten about that. I’d urged Tommy not to go to the police about Kieron. They went and discussed the attack at their house, stating they fled when the attack started, and lied and said the two ‘people’ – because apparently they couldn’t see screamers for what they were, either – had turned on each other and that was why they were both dead.

At the time it made sense for Tommy to lie. It made sense to keep Kieron out of it.

“It’s complicated,” I finally said. “I can’t explain right now; we’re getting ready to leave.”

“Where?”

“Just somewhere.”

“I can go with you.”

“No, you should stay with Lacy and Amanda,” I told him, shaking my head at the thought. He definitely didn’t need to come with me. “They… They’re gonna need you right now, Tommy. So just… stay here. I’ll be fine.”

“Amanda and Lacy are going to stay with her sister,” he told me. “So I can go with you and keep an eye on you. I don’t think you’re as okay as you think you are.”

I glared at him. “I’m _fine_ , okay? I’m perfectly freaking-”

The pain chose then to hit me. I crumpled to my knees, whimpering as it shot through me, igniting and burning and searing all over. My skin was too sensitive, the air too harsh against the molecules and pores. Sweat dipped down my brow, blood dripped down my nose, and I thought I tasted it in the back of my throat but I was probably mistaken.

“Terry!”

Tommy’s hands were fire. I yelped and pulled away from him, shooting him a quick look. “Don’t touch me!” I hissed.

“Terry.”

Kieron’s arm came around my shoulders, pulling me back into a warm chest as he knelt behind me. His hands were ice, cooling the flames wherever he touched, and I took in a slow, deep breath as the pain began to disperse a little. The bursts were painful but thankfully didn’t last very long, and if I could anchor myself to reality – because the pain was really just in my head, there wasn’t really anything physically wrong with me except for a nose bleed – I could push the remainder of the pain away as though it had never happened. Kieron helped with this. Helped a lot.

I wasn’t sure why. Maybe a ‘perk’ of the bond?

After I could breathe correctly again, Kieron removed his arm. “I fucking _told_ you,” he muttered.

“I’m okay,” I breathed. “I’m okay.”

“What the hell was that?” Tommy snapped.

_Oh, crap. Forgot he was here._

“Uh… nothing,” I said, pushing to my feet. A wave of dizziness slammed into me, leaving me staggering back a step. Kieron easily caught and steadied me while I brought a hand up to wipe the blood from my nose. “I’m fine. I just… migraine. That’s all.”

“No it isn’t,” Tommy snapped, shooting glares at Kieron. “What did you do?”

_Not this again._

Kieron growled. “I’ve had just about enough of your fucking attitude,” he snapped back, taking a step forward. Tommy stepped back, eyes widening somewhat. My perpetual could be very intimidating sometimes, even without his more animalistic looks.

“I…”

“I haven’t hurt your brother. I don’t _plan_ on hurting your brother. He made his bed so he’s going to lie in it.”

“What’s that mean?”

Kieron shook his head. “Punching your brother would be bad, right?” he asked, looking at me.

I swallowed. “Um… yes.”

Knowing him, he’d kill him with a punch or something. Secret, hidden strength, after all.

“Try it, asshole,” Tommy said.

Kieron gave this dark laugh. “Go ahead,” he said, “hit me. I dare you.”

I jumped between them before Tommy could attempt such a stupid thing. “Whoa, hey, knock it off! Tommy, I think you should leave. Leave Kieron alone. Kieron, fighting my brother would be bad.”

“I’d kick your ass,” Tommy said.

I shot him a glare. “More like Kie would put you in the hospital, you idiot.” _Or worse._

“Terry?” Bekkah appeared in the doorway. “It’s time to go.”

_Right. Time limit. Fuck._

“We gotta go,” I told Tommy. “Go back to Amanda and Lacy.”

With that, we moved toward my car. It was quicker to get to the gateway this way. Bekkah slid behind the wheel; I hoped she knew how to drive. Kieron and I couldn’t do it because we might get a bout of pain while driving, and crash.

We all piled in – me, Kieron, Arabeth and Bekkah. Tommy stood watching us, a frown on his face.

I closed my eyes as we pulled onto the street and away from the apartment.

The next time I returned, I would be with Kieron or alone.

_With Kieron. No other option._

 

The gateway we now stood in front of was unfamiliar to me. It wasn’t the one in the woods but rather inside an old, abandoned building two towns away. With the screamers around, Bekkah told me, it was safer to use one of the lesser-known gateways.

It made sense.

Kieron was carrying the duffel bag. I realized then he had been doing so the whole walk around the block and inside, and up a flight of stairs. Guiltily, I grabbed the strap from him, attempting to slip it out of his hold. He shot me a quick glare.

“I can carry it,” he told me.

“I… I know.”

I did know that. He was a perpetual; a duffel bag full of clothes was nothing to him. And yet…

“Just… let me carry it,” I said quietly, while Bekkah and Arabeth moved toward the gateway and disappeared, leaving just the two of us standing there.

“Why?”

“Just let me, okay?”

He sighed and allowed me to take it from him. “Who am I to argue with someone who wants to haul my luggage around.”

I smiled, but even to myself it felt brittle. I hoped he didn’t notice.

“I’m not going to break,” he told me.

“I know,” I murmured, swallowing. “It’s just… I can’t…”

Unable to find the words, I shook my head. I knew it was crazy to worry about him handling a duffel bag, and yet I couldn’t help it.

He sighed and nodded toward the gateway. “Let’s go, human.”

I nodded and followed him through the gateway. The sudden bending of reality around me, circling me, surrounding me, was familiar by now but still somehow amazing. The next step I took I was in Ethereal, with Kieron at my side.

Kieron stiffened, then, sniffing the air.

“What?” I asked. “Screamers?”

He was in no condition to fight!

“No,” he said, shooting me a quick look. “Your brother.”

“What do you-”

“What the hell was that?” Tommy gasped as he came through the gateway, staggering into my back. Kieron caught my arm and pulled me aside, steadying me as I spun to glare at my brother.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I hissed. “Were you following me?”

“What the hell was _that_?” Tommy asked, eyes wide. “Where… Where _are_ we?”

“Ethereal,” Kieron answered simply, shrugging. “You should probably go home.”

Tommy took in a breath, composed himself and shook his head, though his eyes were still too wide, pupils blown. “I’m not leaving my brother here,” he said.

“Terry can go with you.”

“What?” I snapped, glaring at Kieron. “I’m not fucking leaving you, asshole!”

How could he even suggest that?

“Where are we? What’s Ethereal? Where?”

Tommy had a lot of questions. I could see what I must have sounded like when I first arrived in Ethereal myself. Kieron was right; too many questions, and the answers only brought more questions.

“It’s where we are,” Bekkah said, surprising me as she emerged from the leviathan trees surrounding us. “Arabeth’s waiting ahead. The human needs to leave.”

“Human?” Tommy asked. “Didn’t Kieron call you that, Terry? What…?”

“It’s… kind of a long story…”


	30. Craziness

Chapter Thirty: Craziness

 

Explaining things to Tommy was as terrible as I imagined it would be. He had a million questions. Sending Arabeth and Bekkah to scout ahead for a place for us to stay for the night left us time to talk, but it was chilly outside and Kieron wasn’t in the best of health. Tommy needed to leave. He needed to get back to his family.

“Wait, wait, wait,” he said, shaking his head, confusion marring his brow. “What’s a perpetual, again?”

“Immortal,” I said, and then paused, shooting a glance at Kieron. “Kind of.”

“And you’re telling me _he’s_ an immortal?” He jabbed his finger toward Kieron, who sat next to us on the ground, back against a tree, head tilted back and his eyes closed. I knew he was tired. I was, too. So far I had no more bouts of pain, for which I was grateful, because explaining this to Tommy was hard enough without that.

“Yes,” I said.

“But he’s…” He stopped himself, shooting me a guilty glance, and I knew what he’d been about to say.

_He’s dying._

“There’s a… Someone found a way to kill perpetuals. It involves this golden knife, or golden weapons of any kind, I think.”

Tommy paused thoughtfully. “Like at my house?” he asked quietly. “There was this bright golden blade. I thought it was odd, because it looked like it belonged in an antique store or something, not something you’d be breaking into someone’s house with.”

I rubbed at the back of my neck. “Yeah. That’s the… That’s the knife that, um…” I took in a breath. “It was poisoned. It’s…”

“Oh,” he said quietly. “That’s why he’s…”

“Yeah,” I breathed, swallowing, stomach churning yet again at the thought. I was happy I didn’t actively feel hunger; I was sure I wouldn’t be able to keep anything down anyway. “So we’re… There’s an antidote which, um… Arabeth can make for him. We’re looking for it.”

“Oh,” he said. “Okay. I see. But that still doesn’t explain why you’re with him? I mean… What did you say this place was? _Atlantis_?”

“Yeah. At least, that’s what I call it. They get kind of defensive if you call it that, though.”

“Not defensive,” Kieron sighed, startling me because I’d thought he’d fallen asleep. “Just learn to use the correct name.”

“So… let me get this straight,” Tommy muttered, shaking his head. “You’re telling me that your immortal boyfriend, with whom you share some kind of mystical _bond_ , is dying because of some golden knife?”

“Pretty much,” I said quietly.

“That’s _crazy_. He’s lying to you.”

I wasn’t aware I was growling until Kieron’s hand lightly touched my knee from where he sat next to me. I drew in a breath and looked at Tommy. “He’s not lying. I know it sounds crazy, Tommy, but this… this is where I’ve been, um… disappearing to. Kieron’s not in the Marines, but he _is_ trained in combat, and he _is_ a soldier.”

_In a way._

“This is _crazy_ , Terry. We can… we can get you some help.”

I growled again. Kieron’s fingers curled into the fabric of the pants over my kneecap, anchoring me. “If I’m so fucking _crazy_ , then where are we, huh? What did you walk through? Where are you?”

He swallowed, clearly attempting to avoid that little fact. “It’s… I don’t… Drugged?”

“We’re not drugged, Tommy. You don’t have to believe me; I know what’s real. I know what’s happening. And right now I don’t have time to keep dealing with you, okay?”

I had bigger things to worry about other than my brother thinking I was possibly crazy. Like the fact that damn clock kept ticking away Kieron’s time, and we were just sitting here talking to Tommy, attempting to explain things to him when we should have been _looking for the antidote_. That was what mattered.

I pushed to my feet, Kieron’s hand slipping away from my knee. “I’m sorry you had to find out this way, Tommy. I wanted to tell you, but… it just never seemed like the right time.”

“And when were you going to tell me your boyfriend is an _immortal_ from freaking _Atlantis_?”

It sounded so crazy when he said it, but I knew better. I knew the truth. I also knew this was how he’d react once he knew the truth. He wouldn’t be able to accept it. At first _I_ couldn’t accept it, either. I kept thinking I’d wake up, that it was just a bad dream, but it was real.

So very, very real.

“I don’t know,” I said quietly. “I wanted to tell you after… after the pizzeria. Kieron… You saw him get shot a few times.”

Tommy froze, then, swallowing hard. “I thought those were just dreams,” he said quietly, staring at me. “You’re… You’re saying they’re _real_? And that… that girl got freaking _decapitated_?”

I winced at the mention of Blaine.

“She was a friend,” Kieron said quietly, standing behind me. “At least it was quick, but she didn’t deserve that.”

I nodded in agreement. “I didn’t really _lie_ to you, Tommy, I just… left out some things, that’s all.”

“But… in my dream,” Tommy murmured, frown deepening, “you got shot.”

“I did,” I said with a nod. “In the shoulder. Tackling you, where you hit your head and lost consciousness. Kieron healed me.”

 _“Healed_ you?” Tommy gasped incredulously.

I nodded. “A perk of the bond. He can heal me and ease the pain.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“I don’t care if you don’t believe it,” I said, “it’s true.”

“If that’s the case then why the hell did you collapse earlier?”

I sighed at the mention of when I collapsed outside of my apartment, in front of Tommy. “It’s… complicated.”

“If he can _heal_ you and soothe the pain-”

“That’s enough,” I snapped, holding up a hand to silence him. “That wasn’t _my_ pain I was fucking feeling – it’s _his_. He’s in near-constant pain to varying degrees, and the bad ones come in bursts. I’m sharing them with him.”

 _“Sharing_?” Tommy echoed, staring at me. “Are you _crazy_? And what do you _mean_ it’s his pain you’re feeling?”

“Complicated,” I said again. “We don’t have time for it.” I glanced at Kieron, who stood quietly in the background. I wondered if that was to give my brother and I a chance to talk or if he was just too tired or pained to say much. “Are Arabeth and Bekkah close?”

He nodded. “They’re on their way back.”

“How do you know?” Tommy asked.

“I can smell them.”

“ _Smell them_?”

“Yes, Tommy,” I said, growing very irritated with this conversation. He never stopped asking questions! Was this what I was like with Kieron? No wondered he’d hated me! “Kieron has a great sense of smell, and he can hear very well. I don’t know how to prove any of this to you; that’s why I wasn’t going to tell you until later, until Kieron’s… better.”

‘Better’ because there was no other alternative.

Tommy drew in a ragged breath, scrubbing a hand across his face. He looked older than he was, more tired than I’d seen him in years, and yet he kept going. He wanted to know the truth; he wanted to _understand_ , but he was waffling between believing me and calling me completely crazy. I could understand this because I _knew_ what this sounded like. If someone tried to tell me all of this stuff without me experiencing any of it, without being able to see Kieron and the others, I’d call them crazy, too, and suggest they get some help.

But he needed to believe me. I wanted him to believe me because I hated keeping half of my life a secret from him. But if he didn’t believe me, if he chose to instead label me as a lunatic… that was okay. That was his choice, and I’d deal with it later, but right now all I cared about was Kieron’s declining health. He’d only be strong for so long; he’d start fading again soon.

_Fading…_

I closed my eyes and took in a breath, attempting to calm myself. Kieron’s palm, warm in the small of my back, made this easier.

It was like he _knew_ it was something I needed.

“How do you know he’s not lying to you?”

“Because he’s not,” I sighed tiredly. We were going in circles. “I don’t care if you don’t believe me, Tommy. But we need to be going, and you need to get back to Lacy. The gateway’s right over-”

The snarl came out of nowhere. So did the screamer. Claws raked through the air, toward Tommy’s throat, but Kieron quickly tackled him to the ground before I could say or do anything. In the next second a clawed hand grabbed me by the back of my neck, claws digging into skin, dragging me backward into the darkness of the trees. Pain momentarily blinding me, breaths hard to catch for the time being, I glanced at Kieron and Tommy.

Kieron snarled, jumping to his feet. His movements were quick, just like always, but I saw the way fatigue dragged him down, the way he hunkered down just a little too much in his defensive battle stance as he took a step forward, toward me while keeping an eye on the second screamer, which was still eying Tommy.

“Kie,” I breathed. “Don’t you dare!”

_Don’t you dare fight them._

He was no match for them right now. He was too tired and pained and _oh God this is the worst time for a fight_ …

“Terry?” Tommy asked, voice trembling somewhat. “What’s…? What’s going on? You’re bleeding!”

My vision spun. “I’m fine,” I managed to gasp as I was yanked backward further, my back slammed harshly into a tree as the grip left the back of my neck.

Instead that clawed hand grabbed the front and lifted me off the ground, my back sliding against bark as my air cut off. My hands lifted, clawing at that hand around my throat, but my hits did nothing.

Dizziness consumed my mind. My vision began to go dark and I desperately kicked at the screamer. “K-Kieron…”

It was instinct to call to him for help. I couldn’t breathe, was about to lose consciousness, and he could help. He could always make it better. But the second I said it I regretted it, because he sprang into action. He leapt onto the screamer holding me, snagging it from behind, his sharp teeth biting deeply into the flesh of the back of the screamer’s neck. It howled as it dropped me. I hit the ground hard on my tailbone, and wincing, I got to my feet, rubbing at my sore throat, still feeling entirely too dizzy and breathless as I coughed, attempting to regain my breath and slow my racing pulse.

While Kieron rushed to attack that screamer, the second had moved toward Tommy. Tommy attempted to get away, duck under the oncoming attack, but those claws easily sliced across his back in a glancing blow, sending him flying forward with the extra momentum the attack gave him, staggering over his feet and skidding across the ground, palms buried in the dark grass.

“Tommy!” I gasped, moving to go toward my brother, before I glanced back at Kieron.

He rose a clawed hand, slashing at the front of the screamer’s throat as he still bit deeply into the back of it, ripping and pulling at flesh like a dog shaking a favorite toy. Discolored blood flew into the air, but the screamer didn’t seem to be slowing down.

_Oh, God, why is this happening?_

I looked back at Tommy. He’d managed to sit up, wincing, blood beginning to darken the back of his shirt, as his eyes lifted to face the screamer stepping toward him. Growling, I darted toward him and the screamer, but upon running there the screamer spun.

I didn’t know what happened.

Pain. Pain in my goddamn _stomach, everyone, hurts, hurts, hurts!_

Another bout of pain? In the middle of a fight?

Breathless. Couldn’t breathe.

I couldn’t remember falling to my knees. I couldn’t remember Tommy rushing to me, dropping down next to me, shaking my shoulder. Couldn’t remember why my shirt felt soaked.

“ _Terry!_ ”

Kieron’s voice. I focused on it. It felt right, warm…

“Oh, God, Terry,” Tommy breathed. “Oh, fuck, hold on, just hang on-”

I couldn’t remember the world going from vertical to horizontal, but suddenly my head was in Tommy’s lap. Sounds of battle were nearly silenced by the loud beating of my heart in my ears. The racing, unsteady pulse.

_Oh, fuck, what happened? What… So tired…_

My eyelids drooped. I was vaguely aware of Bekkah’s familiar snarl entering the air around me, but couldn’t be sure.

“Human, open your eyes,” Kieron snapped, causing me to blink my eyes open, unaware they’d even closed. His hands pressed down hard on my stomach, leaving me gasping and twisting, pain shooting through me anew.

“S-Stop,” I hissed through clenched teeth. “P-Please!”

“Oh, God,” Tommy said. “What… Oh, fuck…”

“Get back,” Kieron snapped at him. “I’ve got this.”

Clarity slid through me. I’d been injured – badly, if their words and tones were anything to go by – and I knew what he was going to do. “ _No_ ,” I snapped back, attempting to focus my vision enough to actually look at him. “Don’t you… Don’ you _dare_ …”

“Not up for debate,” he said, pushing his hands down further onto me. The familiar warmth started to ebb through me, that mystical, heavenly feeling of _rightness_ and _completeness_ seeping into my mind.

“Kieron, please,” I gasped, attempting to twist away from him. “Please, p-lease, _please_ … _Stop_ …”

_Don’t heal me. Don’t heal me. Don’t heal me. Kieron, please._

He was already weakened; I knew the battle had already taken a lot out of him, and he’d been tired before. His system was so fragile right now… if he tried to heal me… If he put his energy into that instead of…

My fingers clawed at his hand pushing down on the wounds on my stomach, threading my fingers with his, attempting to lift the hand away but he held down firmly. “Kieron, _don’t_ … I c-an’t… _please_ …”

The warmth continued. Kieron’s breaths became shaky, uneven, and through my blurred vision he seemed paler. So much paler.

A sob lodged in my throat, from the pain and the knowledge of what he was doing. “ _Please_ , T-ommy, s… stop him…”

_Stop him, stop him, stop this, Kieron, please stop…_

“Stay with me,” Kieron said, and I must have been hallucinating because he sounded semi- _gentle_. “Okay? It’ll be okay. You’ll be fine.”

_Not worried about that, you idiot!_

“Kieron,” Bekkah hissed, and I mentally cheered her on. She’d stop this. She’d stop him. Stop him from killing himself to save me. Because, _no._ That wasn’t fucking acceptable. “Stop it, that’s enough! The bleeding’s slowing down.”

“H-How…?” Tommy whispered.

“St-op h-im,” I whispered, tears burning my eyes, both from the pain and the desperation which clawed at my mind. “P-Please…”

Everything was getting darker. So tired. My eyelids slid shut even as I fought against the oncoming darkness.

“K-Kieron… _please_ …”

“Shh,” he snapped. “Not up for debate, human.”

_Stop, stop, stop, I can’t-_

 

I woke sometime later, groaning as fingers prodded my stomach. Attempting to curl in on myself did little to help me; instead hands pushed my shoulders back down onto the bed, keeping me there, and I pried heavy eyelids open. The room was too bright; instantly my eyes closed again and I groaned, my head aching. Everything ached.

“You’re okay,” came Tommy’s voice.

“W-What…?”

_What happened?_

“It’s… It’s a miracle,” he said quietly. “You… You were _dying_ …”

Dying?

Memories returned, moving sluggishly through the haze in my mind. The kind of haze that came with being unconscious instead of asleep. Because there was always a definite difference. Memories of Kieron floated through my mind; his time limit, the way he bit into that screamer’s neck… the way he… when I… _no_ …

“Where is he?” I wheezed through the pain.

_Kieron? Please answer me._

“He, um… He’s resting.”

_He’s alive._

I knew that already, though; I could feel him. The bond wasn’t closed off. That hum in the back of my mind was ever-present, calming me in a way nothing else could.

“Is he okay?” I asked, opening my eyes again, this time slower. It was still bright in the room, sunlight filtering in through the window which had the curtains drawn back and the blinds open.

“He, um…” He shook his head, sighing. “I’m not a doctor. I don’t know. He’s sleeping.”

_Sleeping. Or unconscious._

“Where is he?” I asked again, attempting to sit up. When he tried to hold me down this time, I shrugged off his grip and sat up anyway, wincing as I grabbed at my stomach. Thick bandaging wove around my middle. My shirt was off, leaving me free to look down at the white things.

Kieron tried to heal me. He saved me, but at what cost? He didn’t heal me all the way like I knew he intended to, but he’d still healed me enough to save my life. I wasn’t even sure what hit me; the screamer’s claws? But why would it stab me if it wanted to take me to the Master? Had it thought I was Kieron? Kieron flying at it to attack it instead of me? The claws would have hurt Kieron. Under normal circumstances it would have been bloody but he’d heal just fine because claws were just claws. Now, though… If he died to heal… if he got too hurt… if he used too much energy…

“Where is he?” I asked for a third time, narrowing my eyes at Tommy.

He swallowed. “I’ll take you to him.”

He helped me to my feet, hands gripping my arm, and led me through the small room. There wasn’t a bed in this room, but rather this large couch. Thinking back on it, it seemed comfortable enough. We exited that room and entered a room which was a little larger, but not by much. Everything about this place seemed small and oddly homey. Rustic.

Tommy paused outside of a closed door. “He’s in there,” he said quietly, averting his gaze to the ground. “He saved my life. And… And yours.”

“Not such a bad guy, huh?” I asked humorlessly, shaking my head as I reached for the knob.

Tommy took in a breath and released me, allowing me to push the door open and enter the room.

Bekkah stood from where she’d been sitting in a small wooden chair next to the bed in the room. The bed was so out of place in here because the room was a small as mine had been, but the bed seemed so big in it, taking up the majority of it. Kieron looked so small in the bed, too; his face pale, dark rings under his eyes, looking so _sick_ …

_I did this._

He did it for _me_.

“He’s resting,” Bekkah said quietly, moving toward me to lightly touch my shoulder. I flinched away from her touch, staring at Kieron.

“How… is he?”

“Resting,” she replied.

“He… healed me…”

“Yes,” she said, “and you’re lucky to be alive. You would have bled out in minutes otherwise.”

I closed my eyes. “He’s okay, right? It didn’t… He didn’t hurt himself further?”

“His body was weakened from the fight; he collapsed as soon as he was finished doing what he could for you. You both passed out roughly the same time.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

She drew in a breath. “I don’t know, Terry. His time’s shorter now. The poison’s working faster. Tiring himself out like that…”

_I knew it. Stupid idiot. Why would you do that…? For me? Why, why, why…_

“Arabeth is meeting Ashere,” she told me. “He’s going to join us. The more we have, the easier it will be to keep each other safe and find the antidote.”

I agreed with this, but wasn’t very pleased about Ashere joining us. But suddenly my dislike for him seemed so trivial. It didn’t matter. I’d happily let him kiss Kieron whenever he wanted if it saved his life.

“I’m going to fix something to eat,” she said, moving toward the door, always giving me privacy with my perpetual, for which I was immensely grateful. “You should eat something, Terry.”

“Not hungry.”

“Not up for debate,” she told me.

I winced, remembering Kieron’s words when he was healing me.

“We’ll find the antidote,” she told me from the doorway.

“Yeah,” I breathed, looking at Kieron. “We will.”

 _We have to_.

She sighed and left the room, closing the door quietly behind her. I knew she’d bring me food and attempt to make me eat. I also knew she would try the same thing with Kieron if he woke up.

 _When_ , I corrected. When he woke up.

I sat next to him on the bed, wincing as the movement pulled at my stomach. I reached out, threading my fingers with his, drawing his hand toward me as I scooted a little closer, moving up to the headboard so I could lean against it.

“Hey, Kie,” I said quietly. “Can you hear me?”

“You’re loud,” he muttered, surprising me. “Of course I can hear you.”

I swallowed when his eyes blinked open and he looked at me. “Hey,” I murmured. “How… How are you?”

“Tired.”

I nodded. “Um, right… Uh… Why did you… Why did you do it, Kieron?”

“Do what?”

“Heal me,” I said. “Heal me when you’re…”

_When you’re already so weak… Already dying…_

Dying. Still dying. Had to stop it. Couldn’t _not_ stop it.

“Why did you…”

“You were dying,” he sighed, closing his eyes. “People need you.”

“Kieron, you could have…”

“I didn’t.”

“Fuck, Kie, don’t… Don’t ever do that again, okay? You already… You already made the poison work _faster_ , you idiot, and… and I can’t… I’m not losing you, okay?”

His eyes opened, narrowing as he looked at me again. “What if there’s no cure?”

I swallowed. “I… I don’t… I…”

_I don’t wanna think about it. No. No._

There was an antidote; there was a cure. There had to be. Otherwise, what was the point? What was the point of _anything_?

_Life’s not that cruel. It’s not that unfair. There’s a way to fix this._

The screamer at the house said it could fix it, could save him. So therefore there _was_ a way to save him. I just had to find it. I wouldn’t stop until I did just that.

Until I saved him.

And then I was never letting him out of my sight again.

“There’s an antidote,” I said quietly, tightening my grip on his hand. “I swear, Kie, I’m gonna fix this. Just… Just hold on.”

He sighed, closing his eyes again. “Fine. I won’t… heal your sorry ass anymore.”

I released a breathy, weak laugh. “Okay, Kieron,” I murmured. “Whatever you say.”


	31. Standoffish

Chapter Thirty-One: Standoffish

 

We didn’t stay in that tiny cabin very long, only long enough for me to heal a little more, and for Kieron to regain a little strength. He was still too pale for my liking, but at least we were moving again. We’d find the antidote one way or another, even though I had doubts as to _how_ we were going to find it. Short of running into a screamer who had a replica of the blade, I had no way to get to it, right?

_I bet the Master has one._

Getting it from him, though, was out of the question. He wouldn’t give it to me and would use me as bait to draw Kieron out of hiding. Kieron always came for me; he wouldn’t leave me there if things turned badly. Getting to the Master in the first place would be difficult, so that was out of the question.

But short of running into a random screamer who had a knife like it… I had no idea what to do. I hoped Bekkah and Arabeth had a plan in mind.

We were going to meet up with Ashere in the next town, according to Arabeth. On the outskirts of town, anyway. Towns weren’t particularly safe right now, with the wars and everything; getting supplies was rough, last I heard. I wasn’t happy about going near a town with Kieron in no condition to fight, but I knew we’d have to go near one or through one eventually. It was just faster than continuously going around them, and time was of the essence.

He hadn’t said a word since we left the cabin. I wasn’t sure if it was because the mood was dark and somber, no one really talking, or because he was too exhausted to from the words. Perhaps a little of both.

I tried to stay at his side, just in case he staggered or needed me, even though I knew it wouldn’t really be appreciated. He didn’t like to be an invalid; he wouldn’t accept my help unless I forced it on him. But despite what he said, he _wasn’t_ fine. He _wasn’t_ okay. He _wasn’t_ …

Seeing Ashere again wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be. Usually my mood soured when I saw him; right now I was willing to accept any and all help in fixing this problem, keeping Kieron alive. Ashere wouldn’t let Kieron die; he liked him too much, despite how much both of them argued.

The look in his eyes said it all, the moment he saw what sorry state Kieron was in. Those usually bright brown eyes grew darker, duller, and I wasn’t sure if it was the sight of Kieron’s deteriorating form, or the fact he just lost his bond-mate not that long ago. Probably a mixture of both. He’d basically just lost his _wife_ ; now he was losing his best friend.

I swallowed, thinking about it. I never doubted he cared about Kieron; I knew he’d help as much as he could, and that was all that mattered right now. Thinking about what might happen if he couldn’t help Kieron…

_No. Stop it. It’ll be fine._

I’d said it to Kieron so much, it would be hypocritical of me not to believe it myself.

“Kie,” Ashere said quietly, moving toward him quickly.

Kieron released a muffled groan when Ashere pulled him into this tight hug. A growl emanated from my throat, but not because I didn’t like Ashere, but because that simple act caused my perpetual pain. Ashere stiffened and loosened his hold, and the growl cut off, leaving me as though it never happened in the first place. I could feel Tommy’s eyes on me, but couldn’t do much about it right now.

We brought him along simply because it wasn’t safe to go looking for that particular gateway again; too many screamers. More could arrived. We were still being hunted. Just because Kieron was hurt, and _fading_ , didn’t mean they wouldn’t still enjoy slicing into him again.

So, yes, Tommy had to come with us until we found a gateway he could go through. I had to admit, on some level I was glad, because I didn’t want to go through this alone. Sure, I had Kieron, and Bekkah, but Tommy was my brother and I would always, _always_ cherish that connection.

And yet I was also disappointed, because he didn’t need to be involved in any of this. He didn’t need to be away from Lacy and Amanda for who knew how long. His family would worry.

“You look like shit,” Ashere said once he released Kieron.

Kieron shrugged. “You always have the nicest things to say, Ash.”

Ashere’s gaze landed on Tommy, who stood silently next to Bekkah, mostly keeping quiet and to himself since we left the cabin. I wasn’t sure if that was because he was tired – he wasn’t used to walking all the time like this, or encountering screamers and near-certain death – or because he was too aware of the somber mood which had fallen over everyone. I had to admit I was a little grateful for the silence; I didn’t feel up to answering questions or talking right now. At least, not questions that pertained to Ethereal. Not questions that didn’t help Kieron.

“What’s _he_ doing here?” he asked, eyes narrowing at my brother.

“He followed me,” I said.

Tommy scowled at him. “And who the hell are you?”

“That’s Ashere,” I told him. “Kieron’s friend.” _And ex-lover._ “Ashere, my brother, Tommy. Be nice.”

Ashere’s jaw tightened and then relaxed, then tightened again as he attempted to say something, then seemed to think better of it. His gaze slid toward me. “What do we know so far?”

“Poison,” I answered. “Golden knife of some kind. Only Kieron can identify it, we think. And… Well, they’re probably kind of rare. So…”

 _And he doesn’t have a lot of time_ …

Ashere’s expression darkened before it closed off, but I saw it for what it was. “Okay,” he said.

_You can hide all you want, but I know you’re scared._

He didn’t want to lose Kieron any more than I did.

My jealousy, my _territorial_ nature, wasn’t important right now, after all. All that matter was saving Kieron.

“Where should we go first?” I asked, hoping Ashere had some kind of answer.

He looked away, chewing on his lower lip as he hesitated, before shaking his head, long silver bangs swishing in front of his face. “I don’t know. There was a screamer group a few miles away, but… they’re probably gone by now. That was two days ago.”

“Scouting the place out,” Kieron said. “They might still be there.”

_Miles away…_

“How many miles?” I asked.

“Five?” Ashere answered, frowning. “I think. Maybe six or so.”

Of course. Perpetuals didn’t worry about a silly thing like distance and miles because they had great stamina and could walk for hours on end without getting tired. Kieron did it enough when we first met, while my feet got all these blisters. It was fine then, for him; now, though…

“Kieron can’t-” I started.

“Lead the way,” Kieron said, cutting me off, tossing me this sharp look which left me snapping my mouth shut.

Ashere frowned for a moment, as though he hadn’t even realized the distance would be a problem, before he gave into a slow nod and turned, beginning to lead the way.

Five miles. Or six.

 _Kie, what are_ -

**_Not a lot of options, human. Thought you’d be happy._ **

_Happy?!_

Why would I be _happy_ about any of this? There was nothing to be happy about! He was still dying, this group was miles away, and if they were even still there they might not have the knife. They _probably_ didn’t have what we were looking for, because that would be entirely too easy.

_Why the hell would I be happy about any of this?_

**_What other choice do we have? At least I’m willing to go through with this ridiculous search._ **

_It’s not ridiculous!_

He didn’t believe we were going to find anything; he didn’t think he was going to be saved. He was only going through the motions, for _my_ benefit, because if he’d just kept the bond closed… it would have been painful, but it would have been over pretty fast compared to now. Now he never knew when the pain was going to strike. And ultimately, he might go back to how he was before, always in pain and fading, and have to go through it all over again.

Was I doing more harm than good?

 _No,_ I told myself. _Absolutely not, because he’s still alive._

He didn’t think we were going to find anything; I wouldn’t rest until we did.

Letting him die wasn’t an option.

 

Kieron surprised me and managed to keep pace the whole way to this screamer camp, which wound up being _seven_ miles away. By the time we got there, though, his lips were pursed into this thin white line, his face was paler than when we started, and his expression was twisted with exhaustion and pain, those blue eyes darker than I liked.

Doing anything ‘exhausting’ wasn’t good for him. Like healing me. Or walking for miles, I realized.

But what choice did we have? We had to stay together for now, because it wasn’t safe for just one of them to go alone and search for the antidote, attempting to bring a weapon back for Kieron to say was the correct one or not. It also wasn’t safe for more than one of them to go searching, while one of them stayed behind with me and Tommy; if the screamers attacked, Kieron and I couldn’t really flee quickly, especially as the days passed since everyone was traveling on foot, and we’d be easy prey.

So we had to stay together for right now, until we reached somewhere relatively safe. I hoped that’d be soon, for Kieron’s sake.

Ashere looked around, sniffing the air. “I don’t think they’ve been here for a while,” he said quietly.

“Not for five hours,” Kieron grunted through clenched teeth, spine rigid as he attempted to keep to himself, a little away from the group. “They went that way.” He jutted his chin briefly off to the left.

“If we hurry, we can catch them,” Ashere said.

“You go,” I said. “Kieron and I are gonna stay here.”

“I don’t think that’s a good-” Ashere started.

“First good idea you’ve had all day,” Kieron muttered, sliding down a tree, back against it as his eyes slid closed, expression tight and twisted, brows furrowed, sweat dripping around his face.

I swallowed; if he was admitting this was a good idea, thus admitting he wasn’t okay, I knew that wasn’t a good sign. I was almost tempted to ask Bekkah how long he had left, but couldn’t bring myself to do so. I didn’t want to know.

Ashere frowned at Kieron, probably coming to the same conclusion as me about him admitting to needing a rest, and then nodded toward Bekkah. Bekkah stepped toward him and the two disappeared into the trees. Arabeth stayed behind, moving off to the side of the camp to begin making a fire. I vaguely wondered how Tommy would react to the green flames.

Tommy moved to help her, leaving Kieron and I alone.

I moved toward my perpetual, sitting down next to him. His eyelids twitched at my presence.

“How do you feel?” I asked.

I didn’t ask if he was okay. I knew the answer.

“Same,” he said.

I drew in a breath, looking away, toward the dried grass beneath us. The screamers must have stayed here for a while; there were patches of dead and dying grass everywhere.

Arabeth approached, stepping on dry leaves which crinkled beneath her feet. I glanced up at her, frowning.

“There’s a tent over there,” she said, nodding off in a direction. “You two should rest.”

I nodded, reaching for Kieron’s arm. “Kie-”

“I heard her,” he snapped, shoving me away as he opened his eyes. He edged up the tree, standing, before he walked away without sparing me a glance.

I swallowed, watching him go, before I took in a steady breath and followed after him. By the time I caught up to him he was already pushing through the opening of the tent, bringing himself down to the floor. I slipped in as well, watching him, the signs of fatigue and pain evident in his movements. He moved stiffly, like his joints were locked.

“Are… Is… “ I sighed. “Are you okay?”

“What do you think?” he snapped back, laying down. “I’m going to sleep. Shut up.”

He laid on his side facing away from me. I stared at him, at the rigid spine, the slow rise and fall of his breaths as though he were attempting to regulate them, the way he attempted to curl in on himself. I reached out toward his shoulder, frowning when he flinched under my touch, shrugging me off.

“Go away,” he said. “I’m fine.”

“Kieron, what-”

“Leave me _alone_.”

“What’s wrong?”

_What brought this on?_

He hadn’t been angry and snappy before. He hadn’t been like this in a while, I realized. He’d been so nice lately, sweet, even after everything happened. Despite how tired and pained he was, he’d been… well, not like _this_. This was angry and sudden and I didn’t like it.

“Kieron?”

“Shut up.”

“What’s wrong?” I asked again, reaching for his shoulder once more. This time when my fingers connected with his shirt and spun toward me, snarling, eyes narrowed and yet so wide at the same time, however that worked.

“Go _away_ ,” he hissed.

I froze, my hand hovering over where his shoulder had been. “Kieron? What…?”

He rolled back over and said nothing more, posture so tense.

_What’s going on?_

What brought this on?

I sat there for a long moment, before I lay down next to him, being careful to keep to myself. Lately when we slept, I was right next to him, up against him, touching him in some way. He usually didn’t mind, although at one point called me a cold octopus when my bare feet, cold from walking around, prodded against his leg. Now, though…

I’d give him his space for now, and hope Ashere and Bekkah found what we were looking for.

 

They hadn’t returned by nightfall. I wasn’t sure what to think of this, if I should worry or hope they were getting what we needed. Either way, I returned to Kieron’s side with a thing of rhine and a canteen of water. Tommy was staring at the campfire, transfixed by the green flames, and Arabeth was sleeping next to the fire, though I knew she was alert. Perpetuals had this weird knack of sleeping with ‘one eye open,’ so to speak. They dozed, but were aware enough to catch the scent of a screamer and wake up.

Kieron was still on his side, facing away from the opening of the end as the doorway swished closed behind me. I sat next to him, lightly prodding his shoulder.

“What?”

_Well… at least he didn’t bite my head off._

Progress, baby. Gotta love it.

“You should eat,” I said quietly.

“Not hungry,” he muttered.

_Great. Still grumpy._

“You haven’t eaten all day,” I told him.

“I’m aware, thanks.”

“You need to keep your strength up.”

“What’s the point?”

“What the fuck is your problem?” I snapped, glaring at his silhouette in the darkness, the only light that of the green glow coming from outside the tent, on the other side of the camping area.

“Not a fucking thing,” he snapped back.

I drew in a breath. Getting angry at him wasn’t going to fix this, wasn’t going to let me figure out what was wrong with him, why he had this sudden change in behavior. It was like he was back to how he was when we first met; standoffish, cold, angry…

“Eat,” I told him. “I have rhine.”

“I can smell it.”

“Kieron… c’mon, just-”

“Leave me alone,” he muttered.

“I’m a little tired of this attitude,” I told him. “What brought this on, hmm? Why are you…?”

He spun toward me, rolling over quickly, pushing an arm under him to leverage himself up a little. I couldn’t make out his face, but I figured he was glaring at me. “Why? _Why_? Well, let’s see – I’m a goddamn invalid, I’m tired, everything fucking _hurts_ , and the smell of fucking food is making me fucking sick to my stomach!”

“You’re not an…” I swallowed. “I know it hurts, okay? I know! I know you’re tired, and… But you have to eat.”

_Don’t shut me out._

“Just…” He sighed, shoulders drooping. “Leave me alone.”

With that he rolled over again, and I scowled at his outline.

“I’m not leaving until you eat and drink something.”

“Go away.”

“No.”

“Human, leave me the fuck-”

“ _No_ ,” I said again. “I’m not leaving you. You’re stuck with me.”

“Not for much longer,” he muttered.

I froze, ice blocking my veins, staring at him.

_How can you say that?_

I was going to save him. He wasn’t going to die. Did he… really want to that badly?

“I don’t…” He sighed, this shaky, soft sound, his voice losing its strength. “I didn’t mean that.” A pause. “Sorry.”

I drew in a shaky breath, watching his silhouette, the rigidity of his outline. “Do you want to die that badly?”

“No,” he said quickly. “Yes. No. I don’t know.”

“ _Yes_?” I breathed, bile rising in my throat. “W-Why?”

“I don’t… I’m tired. Gonna die anyway… want it to be over.”

“You’re not gonna die,” I snapped, dropping the rhine on the ground of the tent.

“No matter how many times you say that,” he said quietly, “it doesn’t make it true.”

“I’m not letting you die! Get that through your fucking head.”

“Human… there are some things you can’t stop.”

“Well, this isn’t one of them. I won’t… I won’t let you die. I _won’t_.”

_I can’t._

“Why?” he asked quietly, his voice a mere breath of air, unsteady. “Why are you doing this?”

“I love you,” I told him, voice just as quiet. “And… And we share a bond. I can’t… You’ve saved me more than enough; let me return the favor, okay?”

The breath he drew in was more than a little shaky. “I know how much time I have,” he said.

My spine snapped straight. “O-Okay…”

He must have asked Bekkah during one of the few times I was away from him. Probably when I was unconscious after he’d healed me enough to yet again save my life.

“You have until a week before then,” he told me.

“A… A w-week?”

“Or until I can’t do anything on my own.”

“Until…?”

“After that… After that I’m closing the bond.”

Ice. Ice in my veins.

“ _What_?” I choked. “W-Why… You can’t!”

“You have until then,” he sighed tiredly. “After that… I’m done.”

“Kieron, you can’t-”

“I’m going to sleep now. I’ll eat the damn rhine later.”

“Kieron, please-”

“Not up for debate.”

“Stop saying that,” I hissed, grabbing his shoulder again. He tensed beneath my touch but didn’t pull away this time. I took little comfort in that in light of his words, though. “This is… This is your _life_ we’re talking about, Kieron! You can’t just… We’ll find a cure. We will, okay?”

“Sure, human,” he murmured. “But if we don’t…”

“We _will_.”

“And if we don’t?”

By this point my breaths were too shaky and uneven for me to properly answer. Tears pricked at my eyes out of frustration, this rising sense of _oh please no_ , and I clenched my eyes tightly closed against the onslaught of pent-up emotion. These past few days had been hard; of course they had, but this… to hear him talk like this… to give in so easily…

“Hey,” he said quietly, fingers brushing against my cheek. I opened my eyes, unaware he’d even rolled toward me until then. Now he was sitting up in front of me. “No reason to cry.”

“Not crying,” I said unconvincingly. “I just… I don’t… I can’t…”

“Come here,” he said, voice just as quiet as before, his hand reaching behind my neck to lightly pull me toward him. I melted into him, clutching at his shirt as I buried my face into the crook of his neck, his arms slipping around me. “I’m sorry… I don’t mean to always be an ass.”

“You’re not an ass,” I breathed. “You’re just… just… _fuck_ …”

“I know you want me to be optimistic,” he murmured, voice rumbling in the crook of his neck. “Just… give me some time.”

“I won’t let you die,” I replied quietly.

“I know.”

“Do you?”

“Sure, human.”

I swallowed, tightening my grip on him. “Sorry for… for pushing. I don’t… I guess I need to… leave you alone sometimes.”

“Sometimes,” he agreed quietly.

“Will you… Will you really close the bond when…?”

“Yes,” he said firmly. “That’s not up for debate.”

“But… _why_ …?”

_Why would you push me out? Why… Why give in like that?_

Closing the bond would make the poison work faster, again. By that point he’d already been weakened… it would probably happen quickly, but very, very painfully.

_Won’t let it happen._

“Get some sleep, Terry,” he said.

I swallowed, closing my eyes as he pushed me down so I was resting on my side, facing him. He lay next to me.

_I’m gonna save you, Kie._

There would be no giving in. No closing of the bond again.

Everything would be _fine_.


	32. Innocence and Violence

Chapter Thirty-Two: Innocence and Violence

 

_“Kieron?”_

_I sniffled, rubbing a hand over my face as my sister entered my room – without knocking, even though I asked her to every time. I felt the new ears fold back onto my head as I glanced up, half hidden under the thick covers on my bed. Kleo’s long black hair was pulled back into the ever-present ponytail; her green eyes softened when she noticed me, a lump under the covers, the only thing visible my head and the folded blue ears._

_“Oh, Kieron,” she sighed, shaking her head as she further entered the room, closing the door behind her._

_“They hate me,” I said._

_“Who?”_

_“Everyone,” I muttered, looking down at the bed, hunkering down a little further. I wanted to hide more under the covers, but it was stuffy in this room, especially with the new fur coat, and I didn’t know how to get rid of it. So the covers only added to the stuffiness, and it was hard to breathe under there. I could feel her watching the ears._

_At first I was excited. Ears! Yes! Why wouldn’t I be excited? It wasn’t every day a five-year-old discovered they had new animal ears which were blue, pointed and fuzzy, with full movement! It was awesome. At first._

_I tried showing Mom and Dad._

_“Mom, Dad! Look what I can do!”_

_Their expressions soured. Dad had that look like he ate something bad, his nose all wrinkled. They hadn’t looked me in the eye since. They hadn’t even looked at me at **all**. What did I do wrong? I tried making the fur and ears go away, but it wouldn’t leave. A week had passed and I was still as animalistic as ever._

_The neighbors gave me the same sour looks. So did the other perpetuals who came over. None of the kids would train with me. I didn’t have a cold; why were they staying away from me?_

_The ears were fun at first. The fur was warm. Now I just wanted it to go away._

_I’d tried cutting it off. It hurt. I’d bled before, but not by my own doing. I steered clear of the scissors since._

_Kleo sat on the edge of the bed. “Let me see, Kie-Kie.”_

_I sniffled again, attempting to stop the burning in my eyes because I was a perpetual; we didn’t cry._

**_Don’t cry, don’t feel, don’t do. Nothing, nothing, nothing. Statue. No pain, nothing._ **

_But they wouldn’t look at me…_

_What did I do wrong?_

**_I’m sorry. I cried. Won’t do it again._ **

_“Kie-Kie, come out from under there.”_

_“No,” I said, backing up further under the covers when she reached for the edge to lift them off me. “You’ll hate me too.”_

_“I don’t hate you, Kieron,” she said quietly. “Come on out of there. Let Klee see.”_

_“Did… Did you have fur?” I asked. “And… And ears?”_

_She was eight years older than me; if she had it and it went away, there was still hope my parents could look at me again. Still hope everyone would stop hating me._

_“No, Kieron,” she said, shaking her head. “I didn’t. You’re just… special.”_

_“S-Special?”_

_“Come out, Kieron. Be a big boy.”_

_I took in a slow breath and nodded, ears folding back a little more. They responded to my emotions; I couldn’t stop it. Maybe that was why they hated me. I was a perpetual with ears which responded to something we shouldn’t, couldn’t, feel. I didn’t know how to stop it!_

_I crawled out from under the covers. My new, thick blue fur which went down my arms, legs, back, everywhere, didn’t make me feel any less naked under Kleo’s scrutiny._

_Her hand brushed through the fur on my head, over one of the folded back ears._

_“See, Kie-Kie? It’s okay.”_

_“Will it go away?” I asked._

_“In time,” she said. “You’ll control it in time.”_

_There was a knock at the door. Mom and Dad’s scent filled the air, and I ducked back under the covers, pulling them over my ears as I hunkered down again, watching the door, ready for those twin stares of disapproval. Kleo stood and moved toward the door, pulling it open._

_They still wouldn’t look at me._

**_Why won’t you look at me?!_ **

_“Get your things, Kieron,” Mom said._

_“W-What?” I asked, frowning._

_“We’re going on a trip.”_

_“T-Trip?”_

_“You like lakes, right?”_

_Water. Yes. I liked water. Swimming was vital to training; also easy exercise. Did that mean they forgave me for whatever I did? For growing hair like this? Fur? Ears?_

_I slipped out from under the covers._

_“You can’t be serious,” Kleo said._

_There was this tone to her voice I didn’t recognize. Oh well. At least Mom and Dad were talking to me again._

_I moved to grab a bag, but Dad grabbed my arm, stopping me. I glanced at him._

_I had to pack, right?_

_“You don’t need anything, Kieron.”_

_“You **can’t** be serious,” Kleo said again. “He’s a kid!”_

_What did being a kid have to do with going swimming?_

_“The Elders are waiting,” Dad said._

_My spine stiffened. Elders. I didn’t really like them. Combat training was the worst. Okay, not the worst. That was probably healing. Healing training was the worst. Did Kleo have to go through that, too? Maybe this fur wasn’t such a bad thing; it might make the healing easier._

_“Okay, Dad,” I said. “I’m ready.”_

_“Call me Rhett.”_

**_Rhett?_ **

_“Why?” I asked._

_“Are you disobeying?”_

_I shrank back but he had a tight grip on my arm. I felt the ears fold downward and back again. “N-No, sir. Rhett. Sorry. Won’t, um… happen again.”_

_“That’s Jo,” he said, gesturing at Mom._

**_But that’s Mom… and you’re Dad… what…_ **

_“Understood?”_

_“Yes, sir,” I said, looking away, my eyes burning again. That was what starting this in the first place. “Understood.”_

_“Let’s go, Kieron.”_

 

_Oh, God._

I woke with a gasp, tears burning my eyes, my heart racing wildly in my chest. Kieron was warm next to me, sound asleep, but all I could taste right now was the bile lodged in my throat.

_Oh, fuck. They were… They…_

He was just a _kid_. Five-years-old. That was it! Dettere said his animalistic nature became noticeable when he was a kid, but he never said anything about him being _that young_ , never said anything about his parents and everyone behaving like _that_.

_No wonder he calls them Jo and Rhett while Kleo calls them Mom and Dad…_

They _told_ him to call them by their names. Their own son. And why? Because he grew ears and fur, that was it! He wasn’t violent, like they said animalistic perpetuals were. He was just a scared little kid seeking comfort, and finding only a cold wall and a trip to the fucking _Lake_.

Dettere said they didn’t want to do that to kids. Perhaps that was what saved him then. He went to the Elders, they said he was too young, and would let him reach adulthood before doing such a thing. Before throwing him in the Lake for perpetual punishment for the rest of his immortal life. Why? Because of fur and ears.

_He was just a little kid…_

A little, innocent kid. Terrified. Confused. I felt the emotions like they were my own. All the uncertainty, the anger, the confusion, the _fear_ , the despair at being told to call his parents by their names…

Scared little kid.

So innocent. Naïve. Just like a normal kid.

And they wanted to just toss him in the Lake. Tried to distance themselves beforehand by making him call them by their names instead of Mom and Dad.

Kleo protested, at least. She cared.

But his parents…

If I ever saw them again…

“Human?”

I swallowed, unaware my hands were clenched into fists at my sides until then. I glanced over my shoulder at Kieron, who lay on his side, watching me with these half-lidded eyes. It was daylight, brightening the tent, allowing me to see him clearly.

“Something wrong?” Kieron asked.

“No,” I breathed. “Everything’s fine.”

“Human.”

“I just… saw another memory.”

“Oh,” he said, pausing slightly, before he sighed and closed his eyes. “I told you they weren’t very pleasant, human.”

“Y-Yeah, but… _fuck_ , Kie…”

“What did you see?”

_What did I see…_

“When you got your fur and ears,” I said quietly, looking away from him. “You were five.”

It was quiet for a long moment.

“Oh,” he finally sighed. “Yeah. _That_.”

“What… What happened, Kie? It… stopped when you were going to the Lake… Elders…”

“It’s in the past,” he said. “Doesn’t really matter. Are Ashere and Bekkah back?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Probably.”

_And they don’t have anything._

They would have woken me if they did.

My shoulders drooped as I moved to exit the tent, casting one final glance at my perpetual, whose eyes were still closed. I was starting to see how he got to be the bitter, cold perpetual he was when we first met. Why wouldn’t he be that way, when his own parents treated him like that? I imagined it only got worse as he got older. As he realized what he was, and why everyone seemed to hate him…

I closed my eyes, took in a breath, and left the tent.

Bekkah sat around the dying flames of a fire and held out some rhine to me without glancing at me. Ashere was nowhere to be seen, and neither was Arabeth. I assumed they were somewhere talking.

Tommy was asleep off to the side.

“Nothing?” I asked, even though I knew the answer.

“They didn’t have anything golden,” she said, shaking her head. “We left them alone. Best not to give away our location.”

I could agree with that, but…

“What if it was concealed?”

“Terry,” she said quietly, looking at me. “They didn’t have it.”

I drew in a breath, nodding. “Right, yeah, okay.”

“We’ll have to keep going. Find a safe place for you and Kieron to stay while we search for it.”

I’d been thinking the same thing. “Anywhere safe nearby?”

“About a day’s walk,” she said, smiling apologetically. “Think you two are up for it?”

_If it will keep him safe…_

But it would also tire him out further. He couldn’t really regain energy; that was the problem.

“Okay,” I murmured, looking into the green flames. “Whatever it takes.”

We could handle this if it would ultimately lead to his survival. If it saved him.

Anything for that.

Maybe the walk would get those images out of my head, too. Images of an innocent little Kieron who only wanted his parents’ approval. Of confusion marred with despair and fear.

Somehow, I wasn’t sure I could ever forget anything in that particular memory. Kieron hadn’t.

 

It took two days to reach this cabin in the middle of nowhere, which Bekkah said was safe. It was near two rivers, downwind, so it was hard to catch their scent in either direction. It would be easier to hide. It would have only been a one day trip there, but we stopped in the middle of the trip so Kieron could rest. Plus, Tommy had blisters on his feet; he wasn’t used to all the walking. I could remember when I wasn’t used to it, either. Now it seemed normal.

During the entirety of the walk, and the night we stayed somewhere in the woods in between the journey, all I could think about was that memory I saw. Kieron warned me most of his memories weren’t particularly good or pleasant memories, but he never said anything about _this_.

It was all I could think about. I couldn’t shrug it off.

The cabin was nice, at least, and momentarily took my mind off that particular memory. Kieron was leaning heavily to one side but refused to accept my help, but Ashere was hovering next to him while I brought up the rear. This cabin was larger than the last one, but right now all I cared about was finding a warm bed for Kieron to rest in.

We’d be staying here for a while, after all. Ashere and Bekkah would leave to meet up with some other perpetual who could be spared, and were going to look for the blade and poison. They’d bring whatever they found back here for Kieron to determine if it was what stabbed him or not.

Time was still winding down around us.

The room Kieron and I got was the master bedroom, basically. The bed took up most of the room, but that was okay. Off to the side was a comfortable looking chair with soft cushions. Next to the bed was a small table and a lamp. I loved how even in a remote place like this, there was still usually electricity. There was also a candle sitting next to the lamp.

Kieron moved toward the bed without having to be told. He kicked off his shoes and crawled under the covers, his head barely visible. My mind flashed back to that memory, of a little Kieron hunkered down, elbows barely holding him up as he attempted to hide his fur and ears.

“Stop it,” he muttered.

“Huh?”

His head poked out from under the covers briefly. “I know what you saw. It’s in the past. Stop worrying about it.”

“I _can’t_ ,” I said, sitting next to him on the bed. “I just… that… how could they…”

_How could they do that to you?_

“No love, human,” he said, yawning. “I told you this. Parents don’t love their kids. There’s no spark.”

“Don’t give me that,” I snapped. “I _felt_ it, okay? You were fucking _terrified_. Don’t tell me there’s no love! You loved them!”

“I was a kid,” he said, closing his eyes. “I didn’t know any better.”

“Didn’t know any…?” I stared at him, heart stuttering in my chest, shock filtering through me. “Are you telling me you’re born with all these _feelings_ but they, what…? Beat it out of you or something? Until you’re like a robot?”

“Whatever you want to think,” he sighed. “I’m tired. Shut up.”

“Kieron, I-”

“Sleep, human. It’s in the past. Don’t worry about it. Everything’s fine.”

“No, it’s _not_ ,” I growled. “How can you sit there and say that? They tried to take you to the Lake when you were only five!”

“I warned you I didn’t have pleasant memories.”

“You said nothing about _this_ ,” I muttered, glaring at his covered form. “I don’t… I can’t believe… I’m _sorry_ , Kie.”

“Sorry?” His eyes opened, peering at me, confusion marring his brow.

“They shouldn’t have done that. You were their kid; animalistic perpetual or not. Even if you weren’t _their_ kid, you were still just a little kid.”

“Different worlds,” he said, eyes closing again. “Doesn’t matter now.”

_Except it does. It does to me._

 

_I was ten when the… **thoughts** entered my mind. _

_It was slow at first. I didn’t notice. I didn’t realize I was angrier. Or rougher. Or… anything._

_In the back of my mind, this voice echoed. It sounded like me; my own thoughts. Except it wasn’t. It was something else._

**_Kill, kill, kill…_ **

**_I don’t have anything to kill. Why…?_ **

_I was twelve when I realized what was wrong with me, why perpetuals steered clear of me, why I’d been sent away from my family. I hadn’t seen Kleo in years. My parents stopped by sometimes to ask about my ‘progress’, like I was something that needed to be cured._

_I could almost control the fur and the ears by this point. But that voice…_

_Whenever it shot through my head, I transformed into this… **thing**. With the fur, the snarls, the teeth, the claws, and the ears. Usually, I only had the teeth and claws. **Usually**. I was used to that. I could train with that, and fight, and no one looked at me differently because of it._

_But the fur and ears…_

_It was Jo and Rhett looking at me but not seeing me, all over again._

_They hadn’t seen me in years. Not really. How could they, when they wouldn’t look me in the eye?_

_Their visits were always brief. They never even spoke to me._

**_Fuck you, too._ **

**_Don’t worry, we can kill them._ **

**_Perpetuals can’t be killed._ **

**_We’ll find a way…_ **

_I shook the voice away. I didn’t realize I was growling until my ears lowered on my head. It took longer than I liked to have those ears shrink back into my head, no longer there, but at least I could get rid of them now._

_I learned I was an animalistic perpetual when I was twelve. By this point it was hard to hide; people whispered about it behind my back. They said I was a killer. They spoke of how I would murder entire families if they let me loose when I got older. The Elders tried to hide this. They said to ignore those people. I told them about that voice in my head, urging me toward those more violent thoughts those Etherians mentioned, and then those looks began anew._

_They stopped taking me anywhere after that._

_We stayed at the Lake. I wasn’t sure what was so special about it. They never let me swim in it._

_There was this big cabin overlooking the Lake, up on a cliff of sorts. I had a room upstairs. There was a girl staying here, too, but she was only five. She was the daughter of one of the Elders, but I could never remember their names. Names didn’t really matter, though. They were my Elders; I just had to listen to them._

_Bekkah was cool, for a girl who was a lot younger than me._

_“Kieee!” said girl squealed, tackling me from behind. In the shock of the attack, my ears and fur emerged again, ears pulling back in alarm as she wrapped her little arms around my neck, holding onto me. “Hi!”_

_“Don’t do that,” I said._

_“Why not?”_

_“Because I don’t like having ears.”_

_“But they’re awesome!” she said. “I wish I had some! They’re so soft!”_

_“Hey – knock it off!” I said, leaning away from her as she attempted to pet said ears. They were very sensitive. No touching. Just… no._

_“But **Kieeeee** ,” she sniffled. “They’re soft and fuzzy and-”_

_“Aren’t you supposed to be with the Elders?”_

_“No,” she said, releasing me as she dropped down onto what had become my bed. It wasn’t very comfortable, but it was better than the floor. And it was mine._

_Bekkah had curly dark red hair. It was almost brown, but she took offense to anyone saying she didn’t have awesome red hair. Her eyes were this bright brown color which reminded me of the woods. The trees. The bark. The dirt. I loved the woods._

_“Why not?”_

_She shrugged, her legs swinging off the edge of the bed. “Dunno, Farrow said to come get you.”_

_“Oh… okay.”_

_“Not ‘til later, though.”_

_“Later?” I repeated, frowning._

_He never pre-emptively had her come looking for me._

_Bekkah had a good sense of direction and smell, for a non-animalistic perpetual. So she was usually the one who found me when I didn’t really want to be found. Not that I didn’t want to be found right now; I was only in my room._

_“He’s talking to your parents right now.”_

_My eyes narrowed and I moved toward the door._

_“Kie, wait!” she said, hurrying after me._

_“Stay here,” I told her. “I’m just going for a walk.”_

**_Liar. She knows you’re lying. Stop her. Kill, kill, ki-_ **

_I swallowed, looking down at her as she looked up at me, grinning. “I’m just going for a walk,” I said again. “Then I’ll go meet Farrow. Besides, don’t you have some training to memorize?”_

_Her eyes widened. “I forgot!” She scurried away, down the hallway of the upstairs, and I released a breath._

**_Kill, kill, kill._ **

**_Please go away._ **

_Anger burned through me. Adrenaline in my veins._

**_Kill, kill, kill!_ **

_No. I wasn’t a killer._

**_Not a kill, no, no, no, I won’t-_ **

**_KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL-_ **

_The ears were back. Focusing, I managed to hide them as I left the cabin, sniffing out Farrow’s direction. I had the best sense of smell, here. Bekkah said it was because I was a ‘puppy’._

**_Not a freaking puppy._ **

_Farrow was my ‘guardian’, I guess. My teacher. Trainer. The guy who fed me and gave me a room. Whatever you wanted to call it, he was that. He usually let me know when he was talking to my parents, and advised me to stay away. I usually did, because I didn’t really want to see Jo and Rhett any more than they wanted to see me. I did want to see Kleo, though, but she never came with them._

**_She hates you too,_ ** _that voice said. **They’re all the same, Kieron. No one cares about you.**_

_I swallowed, easing through the trees, keeping downwind of Farrow. His sense of smell wasn’t as good as mine, but it was good enough. If he realized I was approaching, I’d never find out what these secret meetings were about, especially when this was a meeting he didn’t even tell me he was having._

_I got within hearing range. I had a good sense of hearing, too. Again, ‘puppy’._

_“…when he turns eighteen,” my dad was saying._

**_Rhett. Not Dad. Rhett._ **

_I didn’t have a dad._

_Or a mom._

_Did I still have a sister?_

**_You don’t need them. They don’t care about you._ **

_“He’s more violent than usual,” Farrow was saying. “But not unreasonably so.”_

_“He’s still young,” Rhett said._

**_Are they talking about me?_ **

_I was the only ‘young’ one here. Well, that was a guy._

_There were only two kids here – me and Bekkah._

_“I hope you aren’t getting too attached, Farrow,” Rhett said._

**_Attached?_ **

_To me? What?_

_“Of course not,” Farrow replied in that deep voice of his. That voice which demanded authority. “When the time is right, we’ll dispose of him.”_

**_Dispose of…?_ **

_Me? Dispose of **me?**_

**_See, Kieron? They don’t care. Kill them. Kill them all. Find a way._ **

_“He’s twelve,” Jo said. “Are you prepared to do this when he’s eighteen?”_

_My heart raced in my chest. I hoped no one could hear it._

**_Dispose…_ **

**_Am I garbage? Dispose?_ **

**_Yes, Kieron. They hate you. Kill them._ **

_The ears were back. I didn’t care. They helped me hear better, even if they did twitch back._

_“I’ll be prepared,” Farrow said. “If he’s not able to be reformed… yes, I will do what’s necessary.”_

**_Not able to be reformed… disposed of…_ **

_I closed my eyes, feeling that burning behind the lids._

**_No. No crying. Stop it. Everyone hates you; that’s okay. That’s perfectly fine. You don’t need them anyway._ **

**_Exactly – all you need is me._ **

_A growl emanated from my throat. I eased away from the tree I’d been standing next to, and walked away. Whatever else they had to say could wait._

_What was it they wanted? Reformed? I was violent now? That was what they thought?_

**_I’ll show them violent._ **

**_Yes, yes! Kill!_ **

**_I’ll show them all._ **


	33. Fine Line

Chapter Thirty-Three: Fine Line

 

Ashere and Bekkah left earlier today. They were going to meet a few more perpetuals in a town not too far away, and begin the search for the antidote in earnest. The Elders decided it was best to keep me complacent and willing to cooperate with them, and I’d told them I would do absolutely no such thing if they let Kieron die. Thus, they relented, and gave out names and locations of perpetuals who might be willing to help.

Kieron was an animalistic perpetual, after all. He didn’t have too many fans. Especially if those memories were anything to go by.

Those fucking memories…

I closed my eyes, attempting to reign in the emotions those memories brought out in me – the rage, sorrow, pity… Everything I knew Kieron wouldn’t appreciate right now. I reigned them all in, grabbed the bowl of soup, and moved toward our shared bedroom.

Kieron was reading a book when I entered. I’d brought it for him, the one from his bedside table at the apartment, just in case he wanted to continue reading it.

His nose wrinkled as he smelled the soup, his gaze lifting from the book toward my face as I approached him. “Not hungry,” he said.

“Not up for debate,” I mocked. “You need to eat something.”

His eyes scanned over me for a moment. “Have you eaten lately?”

I faltered, nearly dropping the bowl. “Um… yes.”

“Liar.”

“Look, you need it more, okay? I can’t… I can’t stomach anything right now.”

“And you think I can?” His eyebrows rose incredulously. “You’re lucky I haven’t thrown up on you in your sleep, human.”

I winced, putting the bowl down on the bedside table. “Okay, how about this? If you eat your soup, I’ll eat something too.”

“I don’t like that plan.”

“Why not?”

He scowled, watching me. “Because you’ll sneak away and say you ate but we’ll both know you didn’t, and then I’ll have to listen to your stomach growl all night.”

I smirked at the attempt at humor, despite that knot in my stomach. Ever-present and ever-growing. Tight knot of despair and desperation and everything I couldn’t show him right now.

_Keep calm. He needs you right now._

He could claim not to care all he wanted, but I know what I felt in those memories. Despite the fact it was – beaten? – beaten out of them when they were little, they were still born with emotions. They still had feelings just like any other Etherian or human. Kids were still kids, scared and alone, looking for guidance and eager to please their parents. The adults, though… they were assholes.

Who could look at a cute little kid, like Kieron, and decide to toss him into perpetual punishment?

“Can you work a spoon?”

I blinked, frowning. “Huh?”

Kieron held a spoonful of soup out to me, smirking. “Do you know how to operate one of these?”

I scowled, snagging it from him. Broth sloshed over and onto my hand.

Kieron snickered. “I don’t think you know how to use them.”

“Shut up,” I said, fighting the urge to chuckle. It would feel good now, but later… Later I’d mourn, because what if this was the last time we…

_Last time we laugh…_

_No. Stop it. I’m saving him._

Everything would be perfectly fucking _fine_ , dammit.

He wasn’t going to die.

“Eat,” I told him, looking away.

“Go get food,” he said. “We’ll eat together.”

I swallowed. “Keeping an eye on me?”

“Someone has to, obviously,” he sighed, holding the bowl in his lap, holding his hand out for the spoon I still held. “You’re not very adept at looking out for yourself.”

“I look after myself just fine.”

I _didn’t_ , but I still needed to protest that statement, because, jeez…

Men were supposed to know how to take care of themselves.

“Sooo,” he drawled, “nearly bleeding out on me several times qualifies as ‘fine’?”

“Aww, was wittle Kie-Ki…” I took in a breath. “Kieron worried about me?”

“Of course not,” he said. “Just, you know, kind of tied to you, sickness and health, blah, blah, blah, death do us part.”

My throat clogged then. I spun away from the bed. “I’ll, uh… j-just get some food.”

I fled the room, not stopping until I was in the kitchen. There I dry heaved a few times, managed to compose myself, and shakily got some water from the sink, splashing it over my face. Everything was too hot right now. Too hot, too cold, too dark and enclosed and I was suffocating and-

“Oh, God,” I breathed, hunching over the sink, clutching at the edge to keep myself standing, my legs too wobbly right now. “Don’t die. Fuck, fuck, fuck…”

_Please, guys, hurry with the antidote._

I couldn’t handle these jokes. I couldn’t handle these words, the carefree attitude when we both _knew_ it could end at any time. He knew how much time he had left, I didn’t. I couldn’t handle this right now, dammit, I just _couldn’t_.

_Pull it together. Kieron needs you._

Yes, I had to be strong. But there was no opportunity to be weak. No chance to… to… do _anything_ other than reign in those emotions. Composing myself was exhausting, especially all the time because I couldn’t reveal this to Kieron, even though I was sure he already knew. We shared a bond, as he said; he knew what I was feeling. He knew how out of control my emotions were right now. He knew I was _trying_.

_He has to know I’m trying._

Trying so damn hard to _save_ him…

“Soup,” I muttered, dragging my head up, glaze moving toward the cabinets above the sink. “Right. Soup. Okay.”

Simple, easy, straightforward. I could do that.

Eating it, on the other hand…

I drew in a shaky breath and opened the cabinets, searching for another can of soup, half hoping I didn’t find one. I really wasn’t hungry; the thought of food made me nauseous. But as much as I didn’t want to eat, I knew it was worse for Kieron. At least he had a _reason_ to feel all nauseous; I didn’t. Other than the fact I was so goddamn _worried_ and… _scared_.

Scared we _wouldn’t_ find-

_No. We’ll fix this._

We had to.

My fingers closed around another can of soup and I pulled it out with a trembling breath, emptying the contents into a pot before putting it on the small gas stove. The burners took a bit to warm up, but I’d just fixed Kieron’s soup, so they were still pretty warm. It shouldn’t take long, but that did little to ease my mind or make that knot in my stomach shrink.

The pain hit me suddenly, like it always did.

There was no warning, no easing into the pain, nothing. One minute I was fine, the next I was on my knees, knocking my chin against the counter on my way down as I wrapped my arms around myself, my skin and blood igniting with the agony I’d grown accustomed to in a weird sort of way. I knew my pain was nothing compared to Kieron’s; I knew this pain I felt was probably the average sitting pain he felt all the time now; I knew he had it so much worse, but to even imagine _this_ much pain for him…

I bit hard into my lip to keep from crying out. I was getting used to it; maybe that was what Kieron meant when he said he was used to pain, so he didn’t cry out like other, normal perpetuals. He was of the lower third, after all, and was also an animalistic perpetual, so of course he felt more pain than the others, as twisted as their system was.

The pain intensified, rolling through me in harsh tidal waves I had no hope of damming up, and Kieron wasn’t around to anchor myself, I realized almost belatedly.

Blood slid down my face from my nose.

I think I cried out, the pain too much in my head.

I was lost to the pain for I didn’t know how long. I only managed to collect even a hint of clarity when familiar, solid hands grabbed me, cupping my face, a thumb wiping up a trail of the blood running down my nose. I was pulled into this warmth which was warm, and yet also cold as it cooled the fire burning through me. I wasn’t sure how this happened, but I knew who it was.

“Kie,” I breathed when I was finally able to find my voice, and draw in enough air to do so.

The pain dissipated slowly, but at least I could think now.

“I warned you,” he growled.

“I… I know,” I said, swallowing, tasting blood in my mouth from where I bit my tongue and lip. “I… I’m okay. I don’t mind.”

“Human, there’s a fine line between duty and sacrifice.”

“Duty and…?” I repeated, eying him now that my vision was finally clearing. His face was pale, but then it always was these days, his eyes a little too dark and a little too glossy, his breaths more shaky than I would have liked. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t have to do this,” he said.

“I’m not letting you die,” I told him again. “So… So just… trust me. I can handle the pain for now, Kieron. You don’t… have to worry about it.”

“You _think_ you can handle it,” he muttered, releasing me. I felt cold where previously I felt warm as his hands left me. “It’s only going to get worse.”

_I know…_

It would get worse because _Kieron_ would get worse. I knew he was letting only the bare minimum leak through the bond each time, but the weaker he got the more leaked through and into me, and the more I felt. I was okay with this, though, if it helped him.

“This is ridiculous.”

“It’s not,” I said, shaking my head, wincing at the movement. “Look, I’m fine, okay? And I’m fixing the damn soup.”

The look he shot me wasn’t angry, wasn’t hard or cold, or… anything, really. It was this blank, flat expression, his lips not twitching up or down to give me a hint as to what he was thinking, before he pushed to his feet and walked away, leaving me kneeling there in the kitchen.

I stared at where he previously was, then at the doorway, and then finally sighed and looked back at the soup on the stove.

 

_“Kieron.”_

_I couldn’t help the way my spine stiffened at that deep voice. Two days ago it had been stating how it would dispose of me if it had to, like I was **nothing**. Because, to him and everyone else, I **was** nothing. _

**_They don’t care, Kieron._ **

_Of course they didn’t. They never did. I could see that now._

_Even so, I had to keep up this façade of innocence. Ignorance was truly bliss, but I no longer had that luxury._

_“Yes, sir?” I replied as I’d been taught, not looking at him._

_I felt him step up behind me, though, resting a hand on my shoulder. I flinched beneath the touch, fighting back the snarl which slid through my mouth, trying to keep those ears and other features hidden. Losing control right now wouldn’t be a good idea._

_But then, it was **never** a good idea. _

**_They all hate me._ **

**_Yes but they can all burn in hell, Kieron. Destroy them!_ **

_“We should talk, Kieron,” Farrow said, voice surprisingly quiet. A lump formed in my throat despite my best efforts. My vision blurred from where I was looking down at the book in my lap. I’d been reading, attempting to take my mind off things and look up potential ways to better control my mind, my thoughts and memories._

_My survival depended on this._

_Well, not **survival** because I was a perpetual; we couldn’t die._

**_That doesn’t mean there aren’t ways to make you wish you were dead._ **

_Very, very true._

_But if I failed at collecting my thoughts, at hiding certain truths, at becoming a model perpetual… I’d be thrown into the Lake before I really had a chance to live. I’d be trapped down there with all the other perpetuals who disobeyed orders. Who were punished for their crimes._

**_But I didn’t do anything…_ **

_I did absolutely nothing wrong. Except grow fur and ears, that was it. Oh, and that homicidal voice, but… That was something that was wrong with me, not something I did wrong._

_I didn’t commit a crime. I didn’t hurt anyone._

_So why throw me in the Lake?_

_When I first arrived here, I had no idea what this Lake was. It was just a normal lake to me, even though they wouldn’t let me swim in it or anything. All the perpetuals were tied down at the bottom, forever drowning, so why did they worry if I swam in it? If they were just going to throw me in there anyway, why prolong the inevitable? Why not let me go into it on my own?_

_“I’m… busy, sir,” I said. “I was just… um… looking up our history.”_

_The history of the perpetuals. It wasn’t a very exciting read since I’d had a lot of this drilled into me since the first time I could talk, but at least it was something to focus on, and a believable lie._

_“Kieron, I know you heard me talking to your parents.”_

_His tone was this hushed whisper, leaving my spine stiffening further. The words left me releasing a quick, shaky breath, attempting to focus on the words on the pages before me, but the burning in my eyes left me unable to do so._

_Emotions. We weren’t allowed to have them._

_I wasn’t sure why; I just knew that at my age, crying and showing other emotions was unacceptable._

_Unbecoming of a perpetual._

_“I didn’t… I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said quietly, holding onto the book with a white-knuckled grip._

**_He knows! He knows too much, Kieron, you have to get rid of him._ **

_“We’ll have to work on your lying,” Farrow sighed._

_He dropped down next to me on my bed, leaving me swallowing as I finally glanced away from the book at him._

_He was a tall guy, with broad shoulders and the grin of a wolf, all bite and no bark. His dark green hair was short-cropped into a million tiny spikes, his equally green eyes watching me carefully, this softened expression creeping onto his features._

**_It’s a trap!_ **

**_A trap…_ **

_I knew it was a trap; it had to be. He didn’t care about me. There was a time when I thought he **might** , because he stood up for me a few times, gave me a home, fed me, could actually **look me in the eye…**_

_But now I knew otherwise._

_No one cared._

_Everyone hated me, and nobody cared._

**_No one will care if I go into the Lake._ **

_The thought appeared unbidden, but suddenly I couldn’t breathe through the rising sense of desperation and **fear** clogging my throat._

**_No one will notice if I’m gone…_ **

_Not a single person would notice if I just disappeared. Not a single person would care._

**_I’ll run._ **

_Yes, that was what I’d do. I’d lie through my teeth, convince them I wasn’t out of control, and then I’d leave. Flee. Go somewhere I’d never been before, and never look back. Find a place to call home, find a life, and never let go._

**_Home…_ **

_This wasn’t home anymore. I didn’t have a home, just this temporary imprisonment._

_Because I was a prisoner – I could see that now._

_“Kieron, look at me.”_

_I couldn’t disobey a direct order, let alone one as simple as that, so I dragged my gaze back up toward his face. Those dark eyes watched me closely, scanning over my face. It was a struggled to keep my expression completely flat and neutral, but I’d been practicing. Practicing looking myself in the eye and lying through my teeth._

_“I know you heard us talking,” he said quietly. “I wanted you to.”_

_“You… w-what?” I echoed, momentarily forgetting the ‘plan’, letting him know I knew about his conversation._

_He meant for me to hear it?_

_“Why else do you think I told Bekkah to get you?”_

_He had a point there. Even as I went looking for him, I remembered thinking it odd how Bekkah would be told to come get me, but then tell me she wasn’t supposed to until ‘later’._

**_Sneaky bastard._ **

**_Does this mean…?_ **

_“Are you… Y-You wanna throw me in…?” I swallowed, averting my gaze, ashamed at the display of emotion. I drew in a few quick breaths until I felt steady enough. “I’m not out of control, sir.”_

_“Not yet,” he agreed, resting a hand on my shoulder. I flinched but didn’t pull away. “But you will be. With special training you can manage it, though.”_

_“Manage?” I repeated, frowning at the thought, staring down at the ground._

_“Yes, Kieron. If you lie well enough, if you practice enough… they’ll let you go, and you can run.”_

_It was like he **knew** my plans, my thought process on a level even **I** didn’t know._

_“W-Why would you help me? You want to… dispose of me,” I muttered, shaking my head._

**_Another trick,_ ** _that voice said. **Kill him!**_

_“I don’t believe you’re evil, Kieron.”_

_“Evil?”_

_Who brought ‘evil’ into any of this?_

_“But other perpetuals… other Etherians… they fear things like you.”_

_“Like me?”_

_“Animalistic perpetuals,” he clarified. “On your eighteenth birthday, you will be evaluated with a series of tasks, questions, and a Reading. If it comes back that you’re a sociopath, or you lose control and kill someone… then you go into the Lake.”_

_My fingers curled into the edges of the book still clasped in my lap, even though I’d pretty much forgotten about it._

_“But if you convince them you’re reformed… that you’re not a danger to anyone… then they will let you go.”_

_“Won’t you… get in trouble?” Because of me…_

_“Not if we do this right,” he told me._

_“There’s a fine line between duty and sacrifice,” I said, looking away. “I don’t want pity.”_

_“It’s not pity, Kieron. I’m trying to help.”_

_“Why are you helping me?” I asked._

_No one ever helped me._

**_They don’t care, Kieron. They don’t._ **

_Because they never did._

_Farrow pushed to his feet, causing me to quickly glance at him._

_His hand lifted from my shoulder to pat me on the head, lightly tussling the thick strands of blue hair, and I attempted to duck away from him._

_“First thing’s first,” he said, watching me._

_“What’s that?”_

_“We need to work on your mind’s shields.”_


	34. A Little Pessimistic

Chapter Thirty-Four: A Little Pessimistic

 

_The Reading._

_It was more daunting than I thought. I managed just fine through the other questions and tasks – yes, I used to have a voice; No, I didn’t anymore; no, I didn’t want to kill anyone; yes, I was an animalistic perpetual; yes, I could prioritize duty before whatever my animalistic half wanted; no, I hadn’t been swayed; no, I had no idea any of this was coming._

_That went okay, to my surprise. Farrow’s advice was very helpful. I knew I couldn’t have made it this far without him. Why he was helping me, I hadn’t the faintest idea, but I found I was rather grateful. Even that voice in my head was pleased. It knew we’d both be in trouble if someone found out we were lying._

_All of the Elders had these more probing minds than other perpetuals. Farrow was no different. He did continuous readings on me, sifting through my thoughts and memories so often I finally developed the beginnings of a wall in my mind, separating my thoughts from his own, keeping them to myself. I wrapped my memories and mind in a clear shield, unnoticeable but there all the same. I’d gotten good at it, he told me. Great, even. But the deciding factor would be today._

_Readings weren’t pleasant. Not when they were looking for something in particular, a run-through of events in my life. That required blood. Farrow’s readings were quick and almost nonintrusive; I barely noticed his mind was even slipping by my own, entering my thoughts and memories, better developing my shield to cloud my own mind from his but not his from mine._

_It was a long, confusing process, but I hoped it all paid off._

_Their fingers dug into my wrists, drawing blood, cutting to the bone. The pain was nothing compared to what I often felt in training, so it didn’t bother me._

_One by one, they did this. One by one, I felt them enter my mind, an unwanted presence if ever there was one. One by one, they went through whatever I couldn’t hide from them, whatever I tried to let them see. One by one, they would decide my fate._

_They’d decide if I could leave and live a life on my own. They’d decide if I went into the Lake._

_I could do nothing to stop this._

_Already I was bound in those heavy chains I couldn’t break. I’d tried. Farrow told me **nothing** about this so I was honestly surprised when it happened, surprised and worried they’d discovered me already, and were just going to throw me in and be done with it without even giving me a chance._

_The weights were heavy around my bound ankles. I could barely stand, the chains so tight around every vital part of my legs, and would have fallen a while ago if it weren’t for the two perpetuals holding me up. One of them was Bekkah._

_I wasn’t expecting that._

_She wouldn’t look at me._

**_Bekkah_ ** _._

_My friend. Who liked my ears, who didn’t hate me…_

_She would look at me. Her hands just stayed wrapped around one of my arms, my hands chained tightly behind my back at this awkward angle. Just above my elbows was also tied, cinched tightly together, pain inching through my muscles as the seconds turned into minutes turned into hours._

_I wanted to argue. I wanted to shout and growl at her to let me go, because **why** …? She was my friend; why was she doing this?_

**_She knows._ **

_My heart stuttered there, and the fear began anew._

_She knew I’d been practicing. I hadn’t thought about it at the time; she was so much younger than me. Seven years younger than me. Why would she be involved in any of this? And she was so nice… She liked me. She didn’t hate me, wasn’t afraid of me… So I let my guard down around her. I didn’t mind if she sat in on my sessions with Farrow. I’d assumed she was reading, like she was supposed to; now, though…_

**_She’s a spy._ **

_She was one of their little spies, and she **knew**. She knew I was lying through my teeth. She knew I’d been warned beforehand. She knew._

_My struggling began anew, this time for real. At first it was because I was shocked to find myself in such a predicament, and then I tried to struggle as much as I thought they would expect me to. Now it was real; now I needed to get free, or-_

_The last Elder pushed his fingers into the base of the back of my head. The pain which shot through me was unexpected; they others had all grabbed my arm or wrist. This was sudden and I knew it was bad._

_I wasn’t sure how long I struggled, or how long the Elder stayed like that, fingers pressed deep into my flesh, blood dripping down the back of my neck, before the fight left me and I sagged downward._

_So tired._

_There was no way out of these chains. I knew that before I started attempting to escape. They were going to make their decision and throw me in the Lake; I might as well accept this._

_But I **couldn’t** , because I didn’t want…_

_Didn’t want **what**?_

_To die?_

_I couldn’t die; I was a perpetual._

**_I don’t want to die over and over and over…_ **

_Forever trapped in an endless cycle of dying, healing, **panicking** , dying…_

_Hotness behind my eyes. Frustration, rage, despair…_

_I pushed it all back, taking in a deep breath._

_Emotions clouded judgment. It was why we weren’t supposed to have them; we were supposed to be trained out of them by the time we turned thirteen. I was eighteen, and I still felt as emotional as ever. My ears still always, **always** gave me away. _

**_Be void, like the darkness. Cold steel, like robots. Heartless, like a demon. No emotion, don’t think about it, stop. Nothing. Be nothing._ **

_I could do this._

_If they wanted me to feel nothing… Well, I could do that. I could give them **nothing**. _

_All I really felt anyway was rage._

_And betrayal._

_And…_

**_Kill, kill, kill!_ **

_The fingers slid out of my skin, leaving me swallowing as I managed to keep a straight face as I looked each and every one of them in the eye._

_“Well?” I asked, keeping my tone flat, dull, neutral. Did I care about my fate? No. Of course not. Why would you ask?_

**_Feel nothing, be nothing._ **

_“Please escort Kieron outside,” the lead Elder said. His name was Miori, maybe, but I couldn’t remember. It didn’t matter anyway. Nothing did._

_Bekkah and the other perpetual holding onto me led me out of the room. Well, **dragged** me out of the room because I couldn’t move my legs. My feet only twitched a little. No escape. No hope. No-_

**_No. Stop. Nothing. You don’t care._ **

_No. I didn’t care about anything._

**_Betray me, hate me, kill me… I don’t care. Fuck you all._ **

**_Yes, yes! Kill them all!_ **

_My ears threatened to emerge. A growl lodged in my throat. It took a great deal of effort to conceal everything and compose myself. Losing control right now would not be in my best interest. It was **never** in my best interest. Farrow warned me that if I wanted to stay out of the Lake, I’d have to fight that voice. Fight that half of me. Hide it, conceal it, ignore it, don’t feel it. _

_We were on the balcony of the cabin. Far below, I could hear waves crashing against the cliffside._

**_They’ve decided. They’re going to throw me in. They’re gonna – I’m gonna – Alpha, no –_ **

**_Stop. Be a good little perpetual and feel nothing. You don’t care. About anything. They throw you in, you’ll get out one day. And you’ll kill them all._ **

_I closed my eyes. The end was coming, and I didn’t want to see it._

 

I woke with a gasp, heart hammering wildly in my chest, the memory of those thoughts and feelings and the Lake still entirely too present in my mind the second I opened my eyes. The room I was in was familiar, but only because we’d been here a few days now, and not under pleasant circumstances.

Bekkah’s betrayal burned sharply through my mind, but I knew everything must have turned out okay because Kieron was here now, and not in the Lake. He didn’t seem to hate her; he was friendly enough with her, like he was with Ashere. So she must not have _completely_ betrayed him. I’d never know unless I asked, though, which I couldn’t quite bring myself to do.

I drew in a shaky breath, ran a hand across my face, and glanced over at Kieron’s sleeping form.

His eyes were open, but he wasn’t watching me. I frowned, leaning over him. “Kie?”

“Shh,” he said, gaze still looking past me, through me, expression twisted into _something_.

“What…?”

“Go get your brother,” he said, finally looking at me.

“My…? Tommy? Why?”

“Just _do_ it,” he said.

Was something wrong with Tommy?

We hadn’t spoken much since we got here. I stayed with Kieron and Tommy stayed to himself. I hoped we could find a gateway to get him home soon, but right now Kieron’s survival was more important. I probably needed to check on him, though.

Easing out of the bed, I cast a guilty glance at my perpetual.

“I’ll be right back,” I said.

“Take your time,” he told me. “Not going anywhere.”

I swallowed and nodded, turning to leave the room.

Tommy was across the cabin, in the spare room. Arabeth was usually out scouting, or in the large living area meditating or something – did perpetuals meditate? Or was it something else, since Elders had certain mind abilities?.

Either way, she wasn’t there when I walked through toward the room which had become Tommy’s while we stayed here. I knocked lightly at the door and then pushed it open.

Tommy looked up from a book he was reading. “This shit’s interesting,” he said.

“What is it?” I asked, entering the room, quietly closing the door behind me.

“Some kind of history book,” he said, and then shook his head, snorting. “History of Atlantis, sure.”

“Yeah… I read something similar once.”

A book about the history of the perpetuals. I found a few answers there, and some things I didn’t want to know. Like the fact parents would intentionally hurt their kids if they were on the bottom third of the pyramid, so they got used to healing and used to the pain faster.

To know they did that to Kieron… on top of everything else he had to go through…

“Did you want something?” Tommy asked.

“I… I don’t… Um…”

Kieron told me to go to Tommy; why?

“How’s Kieron?” Tommy asked, looking at me, frowning.

“He’s okay,” I said, and then swallowed. “Um… I mean… He’s… Yeah. He’s okay.”

 _For now,_ my mind said.

For now, he was okay. Later…

_Why did he tell me to…?_

There was a crash from the other side of the cabin. My eyes widened as I fled the room and rushed back toward the master bedroom, throwing the door open to find a screamer with a knife pressed against my perpetual’s neck.

A golden one.

“Let him go,” I snapped, stepping into the room as Kieron’s gaze latched onto mine.

“Dammit, human,” he snapped, “I told you to-”

“You _knew_?” I hissed.

He knew a screamer was here and made me leave the room so he could… what? Fight it? Keep me _safe_ like _always_?

_Fuck you. Fuck you so much, Kieron, why would you…?_

Tommy ran into my back, making me stagger forward as he entered the room. He gasped as he noticed Kieron pressed against the wall, the screamer holding him there like he was _nothing_.

I growled, stepping toward the two.

“Let him _go_ ,” I snarled. “I’ll fucking _kill_ you, do you hear me? Just like your little friend! Let him go!”

The screamer turned a snarling face toward me, momentarily looking away from Kieron. Kieron used that opportunity to twist a leg up a little, ramming his toes into the screamer’s stomach, shoving it away, a hand coming up to snag the knife and guide it away from his neck as he did so.

The window on the other wall shattered. Arabeth entered, snarling, gripping the screamer from behind, throwing it across the room. Kieron sagged toward the ground, golden knife in hand, looking dazed. I rushed toward him even as Tommy grabbed my arm, trying to hold me back. I twisted free of his grip and crashed to my knees next to Kieron.

“Kie? Fuck, are you okay?”

_Does he look okay?_

No. He didn’t.

His eyes were too dark, too glossy; his skin was too pale and hot beneath my touch; his breaths were too shaky.

The fever was rising. I hadn’t even realized he had one earlier.

He was naturally warm, after all. But now…

I clutched at him even as a shadow appeared behind me. I spun just in time to see claws slashing at my face, the screamer snarling, before Arabeth knocked it away from me at the last second. I slid away from the fight and pulled Kieron with me, across the wall.

The screamer snarled and darted out the window. Arabeth chased after it. If it got away it could tell other screamers, or the Master, where we were located. It was no longer safe here, if it got away.

_Or if there are more of them…_

“Tommy,” I snapped without looking at my brother, knowing he was probably still standing in the doorway, shell-shocked at what happened. “Go fix some soup, okay?”

I didn’t want soup, and by the way Kieron’s brow furrowed, he didn’t want any either, but it gave Tommy something to do and got him out of the way for a little bit. He was still too new to any of this to do much of anything. This gave him something to do and would make him feel a little useful.

“Soup?” Tommy snapped. “We were just attacked and you want me to fix-”

“ _Yes_ ,” I snapped, throwing a glare at him. “Now, dammit.”

He watched me for a moment, before he nodded and left the room, the door closing behind him.

I drew in a shaky breath and looked back at my perpetual.

“Hey, open your eyes,” I said, lightly tapping his cheek.

“ ‘m tired.”

“I know, sleepyhead, but the bed is more comfortable, wouldn’t you agree?”

I knew he was tired. I had no idea how long that fight lasted before that crash sounded and I entered the room. He could have been fighting that screamer the whole time I was gone. He could have hidden injuries.

“Kieron, you’re not… Are you hurt anywhere?”

“ ‘s fine.”

“Kieron-”

“Bed?”

I swallowed, grabbing his arm, lightly hauling him to his feet. “Sure, Kie. Yeah. Let’s get you to bed.”

He was too light when I led him across the room, losing weight too fast. His skin seemed to be getting hotter under my touch, but I had to be imagining that.

“Let me look you over,” I said as he sat on the edge of the bed. The glance he tossed me was tired but familiar. “No arguing, Kie. I need to make sure you’re okay since you won’t tell me.”

“I’m fine,” he sighed, shaking his head. “Didn’t get stabbed.”

My thoughts went back to the knife he still held in his hand. “Is that the…?”

_It might be the knife we need!_

If it was, then _fuck_ , I could forgive him for ordering me out of the room to face that screamer alone. If it was the knife we needed, everything would be _fine_.

“No,” he said.

“No?” I repeated, looking at him. “What do you _mean-_ ”

“It’s not the knife, human.”

“How do you-”

“I _know_ ,” he said, eyes narrowing at me, exhaustion evident in those dull orbs. “I can’t explain how I know, but it’s now what you’re looking for.” He paused, looking away. “Sorry.”

I drew in a shaky breath, nodding slowly. “Right. Okay, then, um… we’ll keep looking.”

He lay down on his back, glancing at me again, watching me for a moment before he sighed. “How long are you going to look for something that’s not there?”

“How can you say that?” I snapped, glaring as he dropped the knife next to him. “We’ll find a way to fix this, dammit!”

“Terry,” he said quietly, his fingers grabbing my own. “I applaud your optimism. But this is getting ridiculous.”

“You’re gonna be fine,” I growled, shaking my head. I wanted to pull away from him but I couldn’t do that. He so rarely initiated contact, and I didn’t have the strength to pull away and lose contact with him right now.

He coughed. One cough turned into two, turned into three, turned into a lot. He shook away his grip on my fingers and rolled over, curling in on himself, still coughing, shoulders shaking as he did so. I watched him, swallowing thickly, before I reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder, feeling the hot skin beneath his shirt.

I wasn’t imagining things.

He _was_ getting hotter.

“How long?” I whispered. “How long have you… had this fever?”

“Dunno,” he all but wheezed, attempting to catch his breath after the coughs. “Felt fine ‘til last night.”

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

“Wha’s the point?” he mumbled.

“What’s the…? What’s the _point_? Why are you so pessimistic?”

“Why are you so optimistic?” he snapped back, his back still facing me.

I drew in a breath, attempting to calm myself. Getting angry right now wouldn’t help anyone. “I don’t want… I don’t want to _lose_ you, Kieron.”

He stilled beneath my touch, body going stiff, spine snapping taut. Silence wrapped around us for a long moment, before Tommy knocked quietly on the door.

“What?” I asked without looking over. Arabeth wouldn’t have knocked so I knew it was him.

“Bekkah and Ashere are back,” he said.

I swallowed, closing my eyes as I nodded slowly. “Okay,” I murmured. “I’ll… be there in a minute.”

Ashere and Bekkah were back. I hoped they had what we needed, but in the back of my mind, I knew they didn’t. They would have hurried into the room by now. They wouldn’t have sent Tommy to get me, they would have just barged in.

Tommy closed the door as he left.

“Kie,” I said quietly, running my tongue across the dry roof of my mouth. “I’m just… I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Go, human,” he said. “Don’ worry ‘bout me.”

_How can I not?_

Releasing him was harder than it should have been, my fingers unwilling to relinquish their hold and lose connection, but I finally managed to do so and pushed to my feet, moving toward the door.

Ashere and Bekkah sat in the living room, along with Arabeth. There was discolored blood on her, so I knew she’d caught the screamer. Hopefully it had been dealt with.

“Anything?” I asked.

Bekkah hesitated, sharing a glance with Ashere. “Well,” she said slowly, “yes and no.”

“Yes and no?” I echoed. “What do you mean?”

Either they had the knife we needed or they didn’t.

_They don’t._

“We didn’t find the knife,” Ashere said quietly, my gaze switching toward him. “But we did find out how to get it.”

“And… And how do we do that?”

“How do you feel about being bait?”

“Ashere,” Bekkah hissed.

I swallowed. “B-Bait?”

“You’re not using my brother as bait,” Tommy snapped, exiting his room to glare at the perpetuals.

“Bait for what?” I asked.

“A group of Etherians has one,” Bekkah said. “We think. We overheard screamers talking about it. If you convince them you’re one of them… they might let you near it. You can take it and get back to us, and we’ll give it to Kieron.”

“I don’t… I don’t know,” I said quietly. “What if I collapse in front of them?”

The pain was getting worse, after all. It would be hard to convince them I was on their side if I kept collapsing like that, and with Kieron not there to help me get through it…

It also meant leaving Kieron.

“We thought about that,” Ashere said.

“And?”

They shared a look again. “You’ll have to have Kieron close the bond.”

“W- _What_?” I hissed, glaring at him. “Are you fucking _serious_? He’ll die!”

Opening the bond was what gave him the extended time!

“Tell him to close it when you’re about to enter their group,” Ashere said quietly. “You’ll get in and out without the threat of pain and collapsing, get the knife, and bring it back here and tell him to open the bond. And then… Arabeth will make an antidote.”

I shook my head. “No. No way. I can’t…”

If I closed the bond, for even a _little bit_ , the poison would spread faster and he’d be back into the sorry state he’d been before he opened the bond. It’d be fast; I wouldn’t have _time_ to get the knife and get back here!

“We’ll take Kieron with us, up to a point,” Bekkah said. “He won’t be far.”

I shook my head. “Too dangerous. What if they find him?”

“We’ll be with him,” Bekkah said. “They’re normal Etherians, Terry.”

“But they have the _knife_ ,” I said. “There’s still a war with you guys. They won’t…”

_They won’t just give me the knife._

I could storm in and take it, if I had their back-up, but that wasn’t a good idea. Angering the Etherians more wouldn’t help anyone, and killing them just to get a knife was… crazy.

And yet I didn’t mind it. I didn’t mind killing them if it got me that knife, if it got me the antidote to save Kieron.

The mind’s a scary place when you back someone into a corner. People will do a lot to save what’s theirs.

And Kieron was mine.

 _Mine_.

“Don’t do it,” came Kieron’s voice, startling me. I spun to find him leaning against the wall behind me, looking entirely too pale, dark rings under his eyes.

“You shouldn’t be out of bed,” I said, moving toward him.

He held up a hand, stopping me. “I’m fine. And this is crazy.”

“We don’t have a lot of options,” Ashere said. “Killing them all would be faster, but…”

“Ripples,” Bekkah murmured.

“Then we… do nothing,” Kieron said tiredly.

“Kieron-” I started.

“Killing them for a knife is wrong.” He took in a breath, gaze settling back on me, tired blue eyes narrowed. “Endangering yourself for a knife is wrong.”

“I’ll do it,” I said, closing my eyes.

“Terry,” Tommy protested.

“Human,” came Kieron’s own protest.

“I’ll do it,” I repeated. “Whatever it takes. Just… tell me what to do.”


	35. Holding On

Chapter Thirty-Five: Holding On

 

“This is ridiculous,” Kieron muttered.

“Doesn’t change anything just because you’ve said it a hundred times,” I told him, sighing heavily as I sat on the new bed. We’d traveled closer to this Etherian group, as close as we could get without drawing attention to ourselves and putting Kieron at risk.

He was already at risk, though, because he’d have to close the bond while I went there. I wasn’t sure how long it would take to get the knife, and the poison worked so much faster with the bond closed, eating through one person like it was supposed to. I knew Kieron was only alive right now because of the opened bond, and because the Master didn’t know we had such a strong mind link. The demon didn’t know, either; it didn’t know how I warned Kieron to stay away, it just knew that I did.

“Human,” Kieron muttered, pacing in front of the bed. I was surprised he was still standing, to be honest. We’d walked most of the day to get here, having only arrived here roughly an hour ago. He’d sat down, ate some soup with me, and then started on about how much this idea was crazy, yet again.

I wasn’t sure why he was so against this idea. Did he really want to die that badly, that he wouldn’t even let me _try_ to get the knife to save him?

“Be reasonable,” he told me.

“Quit pacing,” I said, scowling at him. “And I _am_ being reasonable, Kieron. I’m trying to save your life!”

The look he shout me was full of _something_ I couldn’t quite place. It wasn’t anger, not completely. It was mixed with _something_ , darkening his gaze and yet clearing away some of that glossy look, too. His fever had spiked on the way here, of course; all the walking took its toll on him. He needed to sleep but instead kept pacing and calling me an idiot for wanting to do something to help him.

_He can’t want to die that badly. Right?_

He said he didn’t want to die, when he told me I was the aggressor. He told me he didn’t want to die anymore. And then not very long ago… he said he was tired and since he was dying anyway, he wanted it to be _over_.

_No. It won’t be over._

I didn’t care how badly he wanted to die, I wasn’t going to let him.

“Are you listening to me?”

I shook my head. “No. You keep saying the same thing. Sit down, Kie, before you fall down.”

I snagged his wrist as he was pacing by the bed again, lightly pulling him toward me. He staggered, coughing, and sat heavily next to me, sweat beading his brow.

If it was already getting this bad with the bond _open_ … I feared thinking about what might happen when he closed it.

I wouldn’t be gone long, though. I’d get in, do what I could to get close to that knife, and then take it with me and we’d make a cure. I wouldn’t be gone more than a day, I told myself. He’d only have to have the bond closed for a day, and then he’d open it when I got back, and everything would be _fine_.

We could both last a day, right?

_It’ll only be for a day. It’ll be okay._

“I’m doing this, Kie,” I told him, sighing heavily. “Everything will be okay.”

“Cut the crap, human,” he told me, causing me to glance at him. Narrowed blue eyes watched me. “There’s no ‘miracle cure’. There’s no antidote.”

“Yes there is,” I snapped, pushing to my feet, glaring down at him. He stared back at me with that same anger burning in his own gaze. “I’m not letting you die!”

“There’s no _saving_ me,” he growled, getting to his feet as well, although it looked a little less intimidating with the way he staggered a little, but nevertheless stood glaring at me much like the old Kieron used to. His words got to me more than the look, though.

“How can… How can you say that?” I asked, swallowing, heart lurching in my chest. “I’m not letting you di-”

“You think you can _stop_ it?” he hissed, taking a step toward me. I took an involuntary step back, away from his words and that look in his eyes. “You _can’t_. There’s no miracle cure, there’s no saving me, so just _stop_ , okay?”

“S-Stop?” I whispered, tongue heavy in my suddenly dry mouth.

His expression softened somewhat as he took another step forward. My back against the wall, I couldn’t move away, couldn’t shrink away from those words, or that look of _acceptance_ written all over his face. “Let me go, Terry,” he said quietly, stopping in front of me, his chest nearly touching mine, his words a ghost of air across my face.

“Let you…? No,” I hissed, shaking my head. “No, no, n-”

“Let me go.”

 _Let him go. Let him… No. No! I won’t, I won’t, I won’t let go, I won’t stop_ -

“ _No_ ,” I said, shaking my head, voice clogged in my throat so I wasn’t even sure if he could hear the word, but I mouthed it nevertheless, over and over, tightly closing my eyes, pushing back further into the wall but there was no escape. “No, no, _no_ …”

_I won’t let you die. Stop talking. Stop saying… I’m going to save you, Kieron, please…_

“You tried, Terry,” he said, voice this quiet, _understanding_ tone I didn’t like. “No one can say you didn’t try. But enough’s enough, okay, human? Stop this.”

“ _No, no, no_ …”

The litany continued until warm lips pressed against my own, silencing me as warm hands cupped the sides of my face, lightly pulling me away from the wall, into the warm body in front of me. I collapsed into the warmth willingly, legs too shaky to stand right now, despair shooting through me at his words, the comfort he was willingly providing, and what it all meant.

I wasn’t aware we were no longer standing until he pulled me closer to him, my knees knocking against his own as I all but fell over him, into his lap, his hands slipping from my face to instead wrap around my body, holding me close, our mouths still connected in a deep, desperate kiss.

“Let me go,” he sighed against my lips.

A whimper lodged in my throat. Images of a life alone opening up.

“ _No_ ,” I whispered back. “I can’t. I _can’t_.”

_I can’t let go. I won’t. You’re not dying on me!_

I wouldn’t let him die. I’d stop it. I _had_ to, because if I couldn’t… if he died… if he _died_ …

I couldn’t stop the choked sob from slipping past my lips, into his ever-pliant mouth as his lips connected with mine again. If he died… If I couldn’t save him… if I _let go_ …

_I can’t._

I couldn’t let go, because I loved him. I knew we didn’t start out great, and we hated each other at first, but he grew on me. He was everything I didn’t know I’d been looking for, and while it sucked to be hunted and be trapped between two wars I unintentionally caused, I couldn’t help but be _grateful_ I met him. I was _thankful_ I ran into him in the woods that night, because to imagine my life continuing on the path it’d been on…

_No. I won’t let go. I can’t. I won’t._

It took everything I had to push him away, to stop the kiss, to push our bodies apart. “No,” I breathed, swallowing thickly, bile weighing heavily in my stomach and slipping up my throat. I swallowed it back down. “No, Kieron. I won’t… I can’t… I’m gonna save you.”

_Or die trying._

There was no point without him, right?

Perhaps that sounded a little too codependent. Perhaps it sounded strange. But it was how I felt, because if he died on me… if his presence slipped away, out of my mind and away from me completely…

Kieron swallowed down my other sob. “Listen to me,” he said quietly, blue eyes staring into my hazel ones, expression far too open for me to do anything other than stare and fight back the burning behind my eyes. “Let me go, Terry. You’ve done enough.”

“No,” I choked, shaking my head. “I’m gonna… You’re not…”

“I _am_ ,” he said. “Are you listening?”

I shook my head again, closing my eyes.

_No, no, no. Stop talking, I can’t… I…_

**_I’m dying, human. You can’t stop it._ **

_I’m gonna stop it! I won’t let you die, okay? So just… just…_

**_Look at me, Terry._ **

_Kieron, please, I can’t-_

**_Look at me._ **

Swallowing, I opened my eyes. He sat back, away from me, watching me carefully as he released me. He looked paler than he had been lately. From the walk, I told myself. He was just tired. We all were; it’d been a long day.

“What are you afraid of?” he asked, those rings under his eyes entirely too visible.

I leaned against the wall, shaking my head. “I… I don’t…”

“What do you-” He stopped, then, coughing, turning his head away. The coughing was getting worse. He tried to hide it, usually, but lately he couldn’t stop coughing. It always left him gasping for breath at the end of the episode, arms wrapped around his middle.

It was when blood dotted his lips and the hand he’d brought up to cover his mouth that I moved forward, grasping at him.

“How long?” I asked. “How long has this been happening?”

_How long have you been coughing blood…?_

He’d coughed up blood before he opened the bond, but after he’d opened it, I hadn’t noticed it. Then again, he could be good at hiding things from me.

I prayed I hadn’t missed something vital.

He shrugged me off, the coughing dying down, leaving his breaths heavy and shaky. “ ‘m fine,” he breathed, shaking his head. “Don’ worry ‘bout it.”

“You should…” I took in a slow breath. “You need to lie down.”

I grabbed his arm, hauling him to his feet, beginning to lead him toward the bed. He fought against me, tugging me back toward the wall until my back pressed against it, his hand firm on my chest, holding me there, those blue eyes scanning over me.

“Kieron, you need to-”

“Got a… b-ack-up plan for… you…” he murmured, voice this low breath of air.

“Back-up plan?” I echoed, frowning. “What does… What do you mean?”

“F-or… when I’m gone…”

“Kieron, _no_ ,” I hissed. “You’re not dying! You’re… You’re gonna be _fine_.”

“When I’m g-one,” he repeated as though I hadn’t spoken, “y-ou n-eed to… bond with… Bekkah…”

_Bond with…?_

“Fuck you!” I snapped, shaking my head as I attempted to step back, away from him and those words I couldn’t hear right now, but he held me firmly in place despite how weakened he was. “How can you even…? _No_. Okay? No! I’m not… You’re not dying! This conversation is pointless!”

“ ‘s not pointless,” he sighed. “She c-an… k-eep you… safe…”

“I don’t _care_ ,” I growled. “Do you hear me, Kieron? I’m not bonding with her! You’re going to be fine, and-”

“Dyin’, human. N-othin’ you c-an… do.”

_Oh, God, stop talking like this. Please, please, please, I can’t…_

“M-aster is still… after you, T-erry… Bekkah can… keep you safe…”

“I don’t _want_ safe,” I said, tears burning my eyes. I squeezed them closed, attempting to hold them back. “I want _you_ , Kieron. So just… _no_.”

“Human…”

“If you die… _fuck_ … I can’t… I’m not bonding with her, or… or _anyone_.”

Wouldn’t ever bond with anyone _again_.

_Oh, God…_

I couldn’t imagine _not_ being bonded to Kieron. At first I didn’t like it, but now… if it stopped…

“I’m gonna save you,” I whispered. “I… I’m going to save you, and we’re gonna go home, and… and… You’re gonna be _fine_.”

“Got a week,” he mumbled, sounding pained and exhausted, face too pale, blood too red on his lips.

“W-What?” I whispered, praying he didn’t mean what I thought he did.

“Well…” he muttered, shaking his head, a bitter smile crossing his blood-dotted lips. “Less than… a week by now.”

“W- _What_?”

“ ‘m gonn’ close the bond.”

“ _No_ ,” I hissed, fingers wrapping around the front of his shirt as I pulled him toward me.

“You wan’ me to an’way,” he said, voice getting more slurred by the minute, exhaustion weighing him down.

_He needs to lay down._

He was exhausted from the walk, from arguing with me, and from the coughing fit. He didn’t know what he was saying.

_And he only has a few days left…_

No, I’d stop this, I _had_ to.

I shifted until he let me guide him toward the bed, where he instantly sat down, probably feeling more dizzy than he let on. I pushed him back until he lay down. Half-lidded blue eyes locked onto me.

“Don’t go,” he said.

“W-What?”

“To the group,” he clarified after a pause, fighting back another cough, eyes closing. “Jus’ go home.”

 _Home_.

My mind flashed back to his memories. How he thought he didn’t have a home – that he didn’t belong anywhere.

My fingers slid across his hot cheek, causing him to blink one eye open and look at me. “It’s not just my home,” I said quietly. “It’s _your_ home, too, okay? And we’ll… we’ll both be going back soon.”

_Both of us. I’m not going alone._

It didn’t feel like _home_ if I was alone.

Someone knocked on the door. I flinched at the sudden sound, but knew what it meant. It was time for me to leave. Time for me to enter the Etherian group and find the knife. Time for Kieron to close the bond.

_But not for long._

He’d open it again. It wouldn’t stay closed, and I wouldn’t stay gone long. No more than a day. If I didn’t have it by then… I’d take it by force if I had to. I had to save him; there was no other option.

His eye closed as he sighed. “Go,” he said.

I swallowed, my fingers finding his. “I’ll be back,” I said quietly. “And… And we’ll go home.”

“Okay,” he breathed, the ghost of a smile lighting his face before it disappeared. “Whatever… you say…”

“I love you,” I told him. “So just… hang on, okay? I’ll be back by the end of the day.”

“Shouldn’t go.”

“Can’t stop me,” I murmured, swallowing thickly, running my thumb along his knuckles, watching him, memorizing every detail, even though I _knew_ I’d be back. “You’re gonna be okay, Kieron. I promise.”

“Shouldn’t make promises… you can’t keep.”

“I’m keeping it.”

It was the one promise I wanted to keep. And I _would_.

If I _didn’t_ …

I closed my eyes, taking in a slow breath which was meant to be calming, but instead I still felt entirely too shaky. I wasn’t ready to leave, but I knew I had to. He’d already told me vaguely how much time he had left if I _didn’t_ go; I knew it’d be that much less time when the bond was closed.

“Crazy.”

“Yeah, well,” I managed, “humans are crazy.”

“No point… in going.”

“Don’t say that,” I said, opening my eyes, looking down at his pale face, knowing that when I came back from the Etherian camp, he’d look so much worse. So much worse because the bond would be closed and the poison would work through him faster.

But then he’d get better, I told myself. Because I’d get the knife, get the antidote, and he’d be okay. Then we could go home. _Together_.

“Don’ go,” he sighed, expression contorting as he coughed again, rolling away from me, attempting to curl in on himself. It was a little hard considering how my fingers were still threaded with his, being held over his side, leaving him still half on his back. Tired blue eyes opened, peering at me through a veil of dark, sweaty hair.

I brought my free hand up, brushing those bangs back, away from his fever-glazed eyes. Fought back the sob when he leaned into the touch, grimacing, eyes sliding closed again, brows furrowed. Slowly he relaxed, rolling back into his previous position, on his back, body no longer so stiff, consumed with coughs and the rough pain they brought him.

“I’ll be back,” I said quietly, my fingers still sliding through his hair, across too-hot skin. “I won’t be long, okay?”

“Cr-azy… Why…?”

“If you have to ask…” I swallowed, looking away. “If you have to ask, then obviously I’m not doing it right.”

“Doin’ wh-at?”

There was this tremor in his voice, this shakiness to his breaths. I looked back at him to see his eyes barely parted.

“Showing you how much I care,” I told him, watching as those eyes opened a little more, his expression contorting a little more, fingers tightly clasping mine for a brief moment.

I knew how he felt in those memories. He felt alone in the world, like no one gave a damn about him. He thought no one would notice if he disappeared; he thought no one would _care_ if he was throw in the Lake.

I cared.

Perhaps I hadn’t shown it quite enough, but I was going to remedy this as soon as we got home. _Together_.

“I know you care,” he said, surprising me not only with the words, but the soft tone of his voice. “Just dunno _why_.”

“Why?” I repeated, shaking my head. “I don’t know. Didn’t like you at first… but you… you grew on me, and… and now I can’t…” I swallowed, closing my eyes, fighting down the rising emotions. “I can’t do this without you. I can’t… I don’t want to lose you.”

“ _Why_? There’s not… much to lose.”

I opened my eyes, shooting him a look. “Don’t say that,” I snapped, glaring at him. “I can’t lose you, okay? I love you, and I don’t care if you can’t figure out _why_ , I do and I’m not letting you die!”

He watched me for a long moment. The silence slid around us. There was another knock on the door. I knew they’d left us alone for me to say goodbye and get ready, but now they were back, getting impatient. It was time to go; I knew it was. The sooner I left, the sooner I could get back. The less time Kieron had to have the bond closed and deal with this on his own.

But I couldn’t leave.

 _Not yet_.

I wasn’t ready to…

_I can’t say goodbye yet._

“Go,” he said quietly.

“You… You’re okay with this?” I asked, swallowing.

His eyes closed. “C-an’t stop… you…”

“Nope,” I agreed, squeezing his hand briefly. “I’ll be back, okay? You won’t… You won’t even notice I’m gone. So just… wait here.”

_Wait for me._

“Don’ have any… anywhere to go.”

“Just… stay,” I told him.

“Ash isn’t… very p-atient,” he told me. “Go.”

I nodded, pushing to my feet, but found I couldn’t release his hand just yet. “I… You know I wouldn’t leave you if there was another way, right?”

“Go, T-erry.”

I closed my eyes, nodding again, even though he couldn’t see me since his own eyes were closed as well. I took in a deep breath, counted to three, and then released my hold.

His fingers tightened.

My eyes opened to find him watching me carefully.

“Careful,” he murmured.

“I’ll be fine,” I told him. “Just… I can’t…” I shook my head. “I’ll be back soon, and we’ll go home.”

“Home sounds nice,” he agreed quietly.

Smiling shouldn’t have hurt so much. “I love you,” I said quietly.

He released a slow breath, eyes sliding closed yet again, his fingers releasing mine. “Go, hu-man…”

I swallowed, took a breath, and nodded, easing away from the bed.

A second later, he closed the bond.


	36. Pain-infused

Chapter Thirty-Six: Pain-Infused

 

“New recruit?”

“Yes, sir,” I said, managing to keep voice flat, my expression neutral as I looked at the guy in front of me. He was supposedly in charge here, according to Bekkah, who scouted the area before sending me over. The guy was very tall, probably around seven-feet or so. Etherians came in different shapes, colors… species… whatever. This guy looked human enough, just _really_ tall, with these big broad shoulders and a sharp, angular jaw. He looked like the world’s tallest football player.

“Why do you wish to join us, soldier?” he asked.

I drew in a slow breath, my body still tingling with the lack of that bond in my mind. Kieron closed it. I felt it the second he did, and spun back toward the bed to find him curled in on himself, groaning. By the time I approached the bed he was coughing again, blood flying past his lips as he waved me away.

Ashere dragged me away.

 _Stick to the plan,_ he said.

Stick to the plan and everything would be okay.

“I want to join because… a screamer tried to kill someone very important to me,” I said, which wasn’t really a lie. I just left out a few important details, that was all. “The perpetuals aren’t much better.”

He watched me for a long moment, before he nodded at the guy standing behind me. He was the one who brought me here, led me to this guy in the first place. Now the guy moved, touching something to my skin. I spun, confused, before I realized he’d touched me with-

My gaze latched onto that golden knife. The one I needed.

_Take it. Take it now!_

I raised my hand to do just that, damn the consequences, when the guy put it back on his belt, shaking his head at the lead guy. “He’s good,” he told him. “Not a perpetual.”

“Cool knife,” I said.

_C’mon, bring it back out._

The sooner I grabbed it, the sooner I could return to Kieron. The sooner I could _save him_.

_“Let me go, Terry.”_

_Oh, God, fuck that. No. I won’t._

The guy with the knife flashed me a grin, lightly patting the hilt of the blade I so desperately needed. “Kills perpetuals, it does,” he said with a nod.

“How?”

“Above my paid grade,” he said. “It just works. Lucky to have gotten our hands onto this one!”

The lead guy stepped forward, placing a hand on my shoulder. Hot, heavy, unwanted. I fought the urge to shake off his grip. I needed to do this right or I’d never get that knife and be back to Kieron by nightfall.

“Let’s get our new recruit into training,” the lead guy said.

“Training?” I echoed.

“We need to see how well you fight so we can adjust your training accordingly.”

_Hmm…_

I’d trained with Kieron a few times. I was sure I could do this. Then again Kieron sometimes went easy on me. _Sometimes._ Very, very rarely. He wouldn’t really attack back except to maybe tackle me. These guys, though… who knew what they’d do. But whatever they did was okay, because this was for Kieron.

_I hope he’s okay…_

He hadn’t looked well when I left.

_I won’t be gone long._

If I didn’t have the knife after a day… I’d get Bekkah and Ashere to do something. One way or another we’d get that knife and we’d save Kieron.

I followed the two through the small camp. It wasn’t large, or even very threatening, and I knew Bekkah, Ashere, and Arabeth could easily take them out, but if we could do this without further violence, that would be the best choice. It was better to not tempt fate and make the Etherians hate the perpetuals even more.

There was a back area, it seemed, with targets everywhere. They gave me a wooden staff and pushed me into the middle of the area. Two guys jumped at me at once, without any warning. I wasn’t sure this was even training until I’d already been tackled. With a growl I kicked one of them off me, managed to wrap my fingers around my staff, and rammed it into the second guy’s gut. They both rolled away but got to their feet fairly quickly, coming at me yet again.

I jumped to my feet, backing away from them, casting a quick glance back toward the lead guy, whose name I didn’t know. He stood off to the side, arms folded across his chest as he watched me with this neutral expression. It reminded me of Kieron when we were training.

_Kieron…_

This was nothing compared to how quickly he moved. I could do this, I told myself. Piece of cake, right?

One of the guys thrust his staff at me. I ducked beneath the attack and lashed out with my own staff, swiping his feet out from under him. He crashed to the ground as the second guy swung at me as well, catching me in the shoulder. I spun and lost my balance, but managed to catch myself before I completely fell to the ground, and scurried away as the staff came at me yet again.

I ducked beneath his blow, lashed out with my own, and he easily side-stepped it. The first guy was back in action by this point, of course, and lashed out at me from the side. I barely managed to dodge in time, memories of doing the same thing with Kieron entering my mind. Except Kieron never made me fight two people at once; perhaps we should do that, when he was better.

Pain laced across my back as the end of a staff connected with it, and I staggered forward, catching myself against my staff which I stabbed toward the ground, halting my fall. I pivoted, bringing the staff with me, barely managing to block the incoming strike. Our staffs connected with a loud smack, and I ducked, rolled, and swung all in the same motion, dragging the staff with me through it all, catching the second guy off-guard as he’d been about to attack me from the other side.

“Okay,” the lead guy said, cutting off further attacks, leaving me glaring at the two attackers. “That’s enough. What was your name?”

“Terry,” I said, shooting him a quick glare. “You have a funny entrance exam.”

“Not an exam,” he said. “You’re in either way. Just needed to see your capabilities. You passed, if that helps.”

“Gee, thanks,” I muttered, shaking my head.

“Perhaps we got off on the wrong foot. My name is Bron.”

 

They gave me a tent to share with three other people. We’d be leaving here soon, they told me, to head into a town where they could make their group more official. So these guys were mainly just a bunch of stragglers; how they got their hands on that knife was beyond me, but so far I couldn’t get close to it.

I spent the day attempting to insert myself into their lives, asking questions, weaving tales of my encounters with perpetuals and screamers. Bron was particularly interesting with my encounters with perpetuals; not because he suspected me of anything, but because he seemed to have a particular grudge against them, more than the screamers, it seemed.

He laughed at some of my stories, agreed with me on others, and now we were eating dinner. I’d been here for nearly seven hours, I assumed. There wasn’t a clock or anything so I was going by how long it felt and the position of the sun, which had set nearly a half hour ago.

I’d been gone for seven hours. Seven hours of Kieron having the bond closed, of suffering alone. Seven hours wasted trying to get them to trust me enough to let me near the weapon. But so far, I didn’t even know where they were keeping it.

I was growing more twitchy by the minute. My skin wasn’t really itching or burning; it was this flat sensation I didn’t really like. I knew Kieron was in trouble, but the bond was closed, and I hadn’t realized how much I’d relied on having it open. Ever since we started this bond, I’d felt itchy whenever he was in trouble. I _knew_ he wasn’t okay right now, and yet my skin felt fine.

I hoped that was a good sign, but somehow doubted it. That knot in my stomach was ever-present, and the food looked good but the smell of it left me fighting back the bile rising in my throat. When had I last eaten? I wasn’t sure. I’d tried to with Kieron, but neither of us could really stomach anything at the time – him because of his rapidly declining health, and me because I was just so _anxious_. So anxious and worried this was going to _fail_ and I was going to _lose him_ …

_No. That won’t happen._

We’d both be going home _together_.

We’d go home and forget about this war, forget about the Master. We’d move if we had to. Stay away from everything. When things died down… then maybe we’d come back, see why I was so important… but right now…

 _I just want to go home_ …

‘Home’ meant safety with Kieron. With him being _okay_.

It wasn’t really a location so much as a _feeling_ , I realized.

I wanted it back so badly.

“Terry, is something wrong with your food?”

I blinked, looking over at one of the other guys. I thought his name was Renta, but couldn’t be sure.

“Um… no,” I said, shaking my head. “I just… Sorry. My stomach’s a little upset. Just… thinking about everything. The war…”

The guy nodded, dark brunette bangs falling in front of his eyes. He looked human save for those yellow eyes. The pupils were little slits, like a cat or a snake. It was more than a little unnerving, but Kieron once said that just because some of them, a majority of them, looked human, that didn’t mean they were human. Etherians had many different appearances. Different _species_.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “I know what you mean. Can’t wait until this war’s over.”

“Yeah,” I murmured, looking down at my plate of food. “Can’t wait.”

_Get this over with. Get back to Kieron._

“Hey, Renta,” I said quietly, glancing at him. “I’ve heard there’s a knife that can kill perpetuals. Is that true?”

“Yeah,” he said, smiling. “We actually have one. Came across it randomly, actually. Managed to kill a screamer who had it.”

I nodded. That seemed about right. “That’s great,” I said, feigning enthusiasm. “Can I see it? I want to feel the weight of it. Just for a minute, I promise. I just… need to know there’s a way to kill these things.”

 _Things_.

My stomach churned at my own words, but I managed to keep a straight face. He watched me for a moment, before he shrugged.

“Not supposed to let people near it,” he said, pushing to his feet. I followed him away from the eating area. “But newcomers like to feel it, see for themselves we have a fighting chance.”

“Thanks,” I said, smiling at him.

_Thanks for making this easy._

The knife was being kept in a small tent off to the side of the camping area, away from prying eyes, but if I didn’t know it was in there, I would have sworn this was a random, probably empty tent, not worth looking at.

He led me inside.

The knife was resting under a pile of cloth on a small wooden table which had obviously been crafted recently. Renta reached out for it, tested the weight, smiled and handed it to me.

My fingers clasped the hilt as I scanned the blade over. It didn’t really look any different, to me. Didn’t look any different from the rest of the golden blades I’d come across. I prayed this was the one we were looking for because if it _wasn’t_ …

 _Then I did this for nothing. I shortened his time for **nothing**_.

I closed my eyes, taking in a shaky breath.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” Renta asked, assuming my sigh was of relief and not regret.

“Yeah,” I said, swallowing. “Great.” I opened my eyes, looking at him. “Will you get in trouble for letting me in here?”

He shrugged. “Shouldn’t.”

“Make sure no one’s coming,” I told him. “I don’t need you getting in trouble for helping me.”

He frowned at the odd request but nodded nevertheless, assuming I was just looking out for him as a kindred spirit, and moved toward the tent opening, pushing outside. In the moment it took for him to do so, I grabbed him from behind, wrapping my arm around his throat in a choke hold, dragging him backward, toward the table, momentarily dropping the knife back down onto it. He struggled, and I nearly lost my grip, but managed to kick a foot into the back of his knee, forcing him down, tightening my grip on him.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m so sorry, but I need this knife, okay? Just… don’t fight it.”

He struggled, gasping, grunting, attempting to call for help, but soon enough his eyes rolled into the back of his head and his struggles ceased. I released him, waiting for the rise and fall of his chest before I released a breath and snagged the knife, carefully concealing it inside of my jacket as I poked my head outside of the tent.

I was happy the tent was out of the way. No one was around to see what happened, or question me, or stop me.

I eased out of the tent, careful not to make much noise, and hurried toward the trees.

I had to get back to Kieron.

Ashere and Bekkah were supposed to be waiting nearby, while Tommy and Arabeth stayed with Kieron to keep an eye on his worsening state. Stomach churning, I quickened my pace, hurrying away from the camp, eager to return to my perpetual. I found them before too long, without any hiccups in the plan so far, and sighed in relief when they began leading me back toward our little hidden area in another cabin.

Cabins were common in the woods since not everyone could reside in town, and a lot of people liked being closer to nature. I knew a lot of perpetuals felt that way, like Kieron.

 _Kieron_.

“How is he?” I asked.

Bekkah shook her head. “His fever’s spiked pretty bad; he can’t catch his breath.”

“He’s throwing up a lot,” Ashere muttered.

I drew in a shaky breath.

_Fuck. I didn’t know it was so bad already…_

If he was like this after only seven hours of having the bond closed… how much more time did he have left?

How much could he take before he gave up?

 _No,_ I told myself, _I won’t let him give up._

He might not think I had anything to lose if he died… but I did. I had everything to lose. Keeping him alive was a necessity, vital to my very core, and I’d get him to see that one way or another.

But first we had to get this knife to Arabeth, so she could come up with an antidote.

And we needed Kieron to wake up, open the bond, and confirm that it was, in fact, the blade we were looking for.

_What if it’s not…_

I tripped, legs suddenly too heavy. Bekkah caught my arm, tossed me a look in the pale moonlight, and then hurried me forward again.

_It’s what we’re looking for. It has to be._

Otherwise… what was the point?

_Life’s not that unfair._

It couldn’t be.

We returned to the cabin before too long, thankfully. Immediately I gave Arabeth the knife and hurried toward Kieron’s room, pushing the door open. The room was dark save for the candle near Kieron. I hit the lights and the room brightened, and I wished it hadn’t. I wasn’t I couldn’t see him right now.

He was far too pale. Ghostly white, like death warmed over. Brows furrowed in a fitful sleep, tossing his head this way and that, breaths sharp and quick, staccato pants he couldn’t quite manage. Bekkah said he couldn’t catch his breath; she was right.

He wasn’t sweating, either. From his dry hair, he hadn’t been sweating for a while now.

_So fast._

It was happening _so fast_.

I barely managed to make it to the small wooden chair next to the bed before I collapsed, legs no longer capable of holding me up, my fingers immediately seeking his, clutching for all I was worth.

“I’m sorry,” I choked, “so sorry, Kieron, _sorry_ …”

This was my fault. I left him so he had to close the bond; I did this to him. I was the reason he was in such a bad state.

This was _Kieron_ – he _never_ should have looked like this. He wasn’t weak or fragile or _vulnerable_ , dammit! _Never_. Why…

“Fuck, I’m _sorry_ ,” I whispered, running my free hand through his hair. “But we… we have the knife now, so you’ll be okay.”

_It’s the knife we want. It has to be._

I didn’t realize someone had entered the room until Bekkah cleared her throat. Stiffening, I tore my gaze away from my perpetual to look at her as she stood in the doorway, watching me.

“We need him to wake up to see if it’s the knife,” she told me.

I nodded. I knew this. But how could I wake him? If he was in this much pain already, while being asleep or unconscious… how much worse would it be when he woke up?

But he had to wake up so he could open the bond, share the pain with me again, and get some relief as well as identify the blade for what it was. And I’d pray it was the right knife.

If it wasn’t…

She nodded at me and left the room, quietly closing the door behind her.

I drew in a shaky breath, looking back down at my perpetual, giving his hand a tight squeeze. “Kieron,” I whispered, “I really need you to wake up, okay? We… We have the knife, so just… wake up.”

_Wake up and be okay…_

That was all I wanted.

“Kieron, c’mon – wake up!”

The sooner he woke, the sooner we could start on that antidote.

Which he so desperately needed.

“Kieron!” I hissed, dragging a hand toward his shoulder, shaking him, though not harshly because he was in enough pain already. “Kieron, wake up! C’mon! Kie!”

“S-Stop,” he hissed, eyelids twitching.

I swallowed and stopped shaking him, fingers tightening around his shoulder and his hand. “I’m back,” I said.

“O-Obvi… Obviously,” he muttered, attempting to catch his breath.

“Can you… Can you open your eyes for me?” I asked quietly.

“G-Go… a…away…”

“Kieron?”

He threw his head back, grunting, clenching his teeth as spasms ripped through his body, disturbing his already troubled, ragged breaths. A sob wrenched free of my chest as I held tighter to his hand, dragging it up to rest my forehead against it as I hunched forward, elbows holding me up. He never should have been in that much pain.

He was built for pain, after all – _used_ to it, even. If he was doing _this_ …

He hadn’t even been like _this_ when we’d been held captive by the Master. He hadn’t slurred as much, panted as much, been in _pain_ as much…

“Kie, open the bond,” I told him.

“N-N…”

“Kieron, open the bond!”

“No,” he gasped.

“You have to,” I snapped. “I can help, okay? It won’t… It won’t hurt as much.”

“W-on’t… h-hurt f-or… m…much longer,” he managed to say between short, quick breaths.

_Oh, God._

“ _No_ ,” I hissed, glaring down at him. “Fuck you, Kieron. _Fuck you_. Open the fucking bond!”

_Open the bond, please, Kieron, you have to open the fucking bond!_

If he didn’t…

 _Oh, God, open the bond, please_.

“Please,” I said when he didn’t answer. “ _Please_ , okay? We… I got the knife, okay, Kieron? I got it, and… and we’re making the antidote. Just… Just open the bond and… and… _Fuck_ , open the bond!”

“N-No.”

“Why _not_? You’ll _die_.”

_Oh, no, don’t die. Don’t die. Open the bond!_

“Kie?”

“G-Go a-away.”

“Why? Why do you want me to leave?”

“Le-leave me… a-lone…”

“No,” I said. “You’re stuck with me, remember, asshole? You’re stuck with me and I’m not letting you do this! Open the bond!”

“N-No… p-oint.”

“There is _too_ a point,” I snapped, glaring down at his face, at those closed eyes. “Open your fucking eyes, do you hear me? _Look_ at me.”

“H-Human…”

“ _Look at me_!”

His expression went slack momentarily. His eyes opened, this glazed, distant look in them, before he blinked a few times and narrowed those eyes at me. “D-Don’… do that…”

“Do _what_?”

“Th-That…”

I frowned, wondering what he meant. I thought back on what I said, his expression afterward, and recalled a conversation from so long ago, before we went to the Lake. Emotional emphasis, right? Something about when I wanted something badly enough… I could get him to do it, sometimes.

“Open the bond,” I said.

He closed his eyes.

“Open the _bond_ ,” I hissed.

_Work, dammit!_

Even if I could only get him to open the bond for just a _second_ before he shrugged off the emotional emphasis, it would be okay. It’d be open, I’d share the pain, and we work on that antidote. We just needed _time_.

“L-L… L-et me g-go…”

“ _No_ ,” I choked, tears burning my eyes, frustration mixing with desperation, but I refused to let them fall. Blinked them back quickly. “ _No_ , Kieron. I’m not letting go. So open the fucking bond!”

“L-Lemme _go_ …”

 _Oh, God, stop saying that, **please**_.

“Kieron, _please_ , just… just one more time, okay? Open the bond one more time. _One more time_.”

“L-et g-go…”

“ _No_ , dammit! _No_! We… We talked about this, dammit, Kieron, I’m not letting go!”

 _Couldn’t_ let go, because… _no_. I wasn’t going to lose him.

No, no, no.

“Kieron, _please_ ,” I said, voice losing its strength as the seconds turned into minutes, minutes of just watching him in _pain_. Listening to those _gasps_. “Please let me in. Open the bond. _Please_. One more time, Kie, just one more time and… and… _please_!”

“H- _Hurts_ ,” he gasped.

“I know, I know it hurts, Kie, but I can help. Open the bond.”

His expression contorted, and he _whimpered_.

Another sob wrenched free. “Oh, God, open the bond. _Open the bond, Kieron_!”

“S-Stop,” he hissed. “S- _Stop_!”

“ _Open the fucking bond_ ,” I snapped. “Open it, open it, open it!”

“ _N-No.”_

 _“_ Why? Why won’t you _open it_?”

“L-Lemme _go_!”

_Oh, fuck, stop it. Please, God, make him stop saying it._

“I love you,” I told him shakily. “Please, Kieron, don’t… don’t do this to me!”

“To _you_?” he hissed. “F- _uck_ …”

More spasms, more _whimpers_.

A touched a hand to his too-hot cheek, half-cupping his face. “Please,” I said, “ _please_ open the bond, Kieron. _Open the bond_!”

And it opened.

Opened so suddenly I couldn’t breathe as the pain entered my mind. A whirlwind of it, of confusion and fractured thoughts slipping through from Kieron’s mind when he usually had such great control over what I felt and saw of his mind. Everything was on a ledge which was quickly slipping away, cracking beneath unsteady feet, giving way against the earthquake and tidal wave of _pain pain pain pain make it stop Alpha stop fuck make it **stop** -_

Those weren’t _my_ thoughts, I realized. They were _his_.

 _His_ thoughts.

His fractured, broken, pain-infused thoughts circling around in my head, his desperation mingling with my own, and I screamed.

The pain became my own. The pain of the poison slipping through his mind into my own, the pain of his fractured _pleas_ for the pain to _stop_ , the pain of _oh, God, why him_ -

 ** _Lemme go, lemme go_** -

 _No, no, no, stay_ -

Darkness as the pain became too much.

Even in the darkness it _hurt_.


	37. Decisions

Chapter Thirty-Seven: Decisions

 

_“Kieron.”_

_I looked up from the sword I held in my hands. Its weight was heavy, foreign. I’d been training in extensive hand-to-hand, close combat, and I’d gotten rather adept at knives, but still preferred my claws for the most part. A part of me loved the thrill of the battle; it was the only time that voice in my head stayed quiet, stayed **sated**. The sword, on the other hand, was new. It was just a larger knife, though; so it wasn’t that different, just a little heavier._

_Farrow looked tired. He often did these days, and I knew it was because of me. He’d lied for me. **Lied**. Perpetuals, as a rule, were against lying. It wasn’t in our nature. He was tired for the same reason Bekkah couldn’t look me in the eye anymore – because they **lied** for me. Lied through their teeth. If they hadn’t done so, I’d be drowning right now._

_That was months ago, though._

_I could still feel the weight of those chains heavy around me, restricting even the most basic of movements. It’d even been difficult to breathe._

_“Today,” Farrow said, “we’re going to focus on the… **worse** parts of healing.”_

_“Worse parts of-?” I started, when pain suddenly shot through my chest. I hadn’t even been aware the perpetual next to him was moving until that movement, when his own sword stabbed through my chest, the pain momentarily blinding me. I’d been in pain before; I’d lost consciousness to heal. I knew if the wounds were bad enough, my body would shut down to heal._

_I’d never had to do that, yet. I was used to the pain by now, but this… this felt different._

_The pain was fast, though._

_The next thing I knew was **nothing** , a void opening around me, swallowing me whole._

_My next thoughts were of gasping as I came awake hours later, my body fully healed._

**_I really hate screamers._ **

_The voice in my head was strangely quiet through the pain of waking. The pain of being strapped down to a table with these thick chains I knew I couldn’t break. The pain of little knives digging into my skin, pushing through muscles and **bone**. I closed my eyes, bit down on my lip, and took in a deep, slow breath until my mind’s pain receptors quieted._

_“Where are they?”_

_“Huh?” I asked, swallowing. The metallic taste left me grimacing._

_“Where **are they**?”_

_I kept quiet. Mostly because I didn’t know what they were talking about. At one point it must have made sense, but my memory was more than a little hazy by this point. So I settled for silence._

_“We’ll keep going,” the screamer said._

_“Go for it,” I muttered._

**_I can handle this._ **

_I could handle the pain. Pain was a familiar friend; made me feel alive. Kept that voice quiet. Made me feel like… **me**._

**_Cut away all you want. Not saying a thing._ **

_“You could have saved yourself from this, perpetual,” the screamer spat._

_I’d never been stabbed in the head before._

_Nice to know it hurt._

_Graham’s lips were warm on my neck. I shrugged him off, tossing him a quick glare, which he returned with this smug grin on his face. I pushed him away, attempting to ignore that growl lodged in my throat. He **knew** I didn’t like doing this. He **knew** it was so much easier to lose control of myself when anyone was this close to me. He **knew** this, and yet he kept doing it._

_“Show me,” he said._

_“No,” I muttered._

_He shrugged, stepping toward me again._

_I shoved him away yet again, leaving him staggering back into the wall as that growl finally emerged from my throat. “Go away, Graham.”_

_“Let me see,” he said, “and I will.”_

_“Why’s it matter?”_

_He paused, then, frowning. For a long moment we stood there in silence, watching each other. Finally he shrugged. “I don’t know.”_

_I shook my head. “Then there’s no point. Go away, Graham, I have work to do.”_

_“Farrow said to keep an eye on you.”_

_“I can take care of myself.”_

_“Yeah, well, he’s not worried about **you** getting hurt,” Graham said. “He’s more worried that you’ll go on a rampage.”_

_Once upon a time I would have flinched. I would have grimaced and felt this **betrayal** that Farrow **still** didn’t trust me, a century after he’d lied for me to keep me out of the Lake. Once upon a time it would have bothered me._

_Now I just shrugged._

**_You don’t need them anyway,_ ** _that voice said._

**_I know._ **

_“Yeah, well, I think I’m gonna go by myself, thanks.”_

_He tried to follow me._

_With a snarl I rounded on him, shoving him against the wall, holding him there with an arm pressed against his throat. His eyes widened marginally but he didn’t fight it, only wrapped his fingers around the fabric of the front of my shirt._

_“Let me see,” he said._

_“Why?”_

_“Why not?”_

_I shook my head. “They’re just ears, asshole.”_

_With that, I released him and spun on my heel, leaving the room before he could say otherwise._

_“ **K-Kieron**?”_

_The human’s voice was soft, shaky. My ears twitched, ready to flatten as I met his gaze, those wide hazel eyes, pale skin, his neck reddened from where the screamer had attempted to choke him. I waited for the fear, the hatred, to enter his expression but he just seemed to be staring at me in **awe** , which was completely **wrong**._

**_FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT KILL KIERON KILL KILL KILL_ ** _-_

_The voice was louder than ever. Demanding. My voice was a constant snarl, my heart racing despite my aches, despite how exhausted I’d felt lately, how… **pained**. That knife actually hurt. Hurt more than… Well, more than I was **used to.** _

_“Get up,” I told him again, growling all the while. It rumbled through my throat, fueling that voice further as it picked up on-_

**_HUMAN, KILL THE HUMAN, KILL KILL KILL!_ **

_I wasn’t sure what it was about this human – that voice really didn’t like him. It was hard to keep control around him, hard to quiet that voice, hard to not kill him. And yet he kept insisting on staying close to me, though I had no idea **why**._

**_It’s okay, he won’t want to after this._ **

_I wasn’t sure if I was relieved about this or not. He’d leave me alone after this. Everyone always did._

_But that was fine. I liked being alone._

_“Kieron?” the human asked again, swallowing as he continued staring at me. “W-Wha…? How?”_

_A snarl slid free of my throat. It was an effort to keep myself in one spot, to keep myself from lunging at him. All I could hear right now was his racing heart._

**_KILL!_ **

_“Leave,” I told him._

_“What?”_

_“Run.”_

_“I-”_

_The screamer growled and approached us. With a snarl I slid between it and the human – because part of me wanted a fight, and the screamer was the better opponent. Dark, discolored eyes looked me up and down. “What the hell?” the screamer hissed._

_I laughed, unable to stop the dark sound from rumbling through my throat. “You know nothing about me.”_

**_KILL KILL_ ** _-_

_A snarl slid free. I attempted to reign it back in, get myself back under control, but between the threat and promise of a fight and the human behind me, it was more than a little hard to do. It was always hard where this human was concerned. Why?_

**_KILL HIM, KIERON! KILL THE HUMAN, KILL THEM ALL!_ **

_“You’re just a perpetual,” the screamer snapped._

_“True,” I said, “but I’m an **animalistic** perpetual.”_

_“They don’t exist!”_

_“They do,” I hissed, muscles tensing, ready for the oncoming fight. I took in a breath, the scent of the human filling the air, strong as ever. My ears twitched back, the prelude to a turn. If I turned toward him now I’d lose control. “Human. Do what I said.”_

_“But-” he argued._

_“ **Now** ,” I snarled, ears twitching further, body itching to spin toward him and lash out._

**_KILL_ ** _-_

**_I get it, shut up!_ **

_“I… No, I-”_

_“ **Do it now**!” I snapped, attempting to re-focus my aggression on the screamer rather than the human. It was growing increasingly harder to do, even as the screamer’s shock at my existence wore off and it took a step forward._

_The human went quiet for a moment._

_“Okay,” he finally said, “but… fuck, be careful.” With that he turned and ran away, like he was supposed to._

_The screamer lunged._

_I lost myself to the fight._

 

I woke with a gasp, heart racing in my chest, pain ebbing through me in quick, heavy waves. Groaning, I curled in on myself even as I shifted closer to the warm body next to me. The _very_ warm body next to me. Fevered. Too hot.

“K-Kie,” I whispered, prying heavy eyelids open. Kieron lay next to me, face pale, sweat dotting his brow and dampening his hair, eyes moving rapidly under closed lids, expression contorted. He was in pain, but was sweating again. That was good, I told myself.

My whole body ached, but not because of actual pain right now.

You know how it feels when you run a long time and stop? Your muscles are all sore, feel heavy and it’s harder to use them. Or when your leg or arm goes numb, and there’s pins and needles and this heavy, tired sensation through all your muscles in that area.

Imagine that all over.

Especially in your head.

It didn’t _hurt_ , but was rather the aftermath of severe pain. A deep ache through my body and mind.

Grimacing, I sat up, a wave of dizziness rolling over me.

“You’re awake,” Bekkah said, startling me as I glanced across the room. She stood in the doorway, watching me.

“H-Hey,” I said quietly, swallowing. “What, um… What happened?”

“He opened the bond,” she told me. “You both lost consciousness. You’ve been out for a day.”

_A day?_

A day?!

I took in a breath, nodding slowly. “How is he?”

He’d only had a few days left, after all. More time slipped by without me realizing.

“Holding on,” she said, shaking her head.

“Is it… Is it what we’re looking for?” I asked. “The knife?”

_Please say yes._

“Kieron was never awake to tell us,” she said apologetically, before she shrugged. “We attempted to make an antidote anyway, just in case. He doesn’t have much time left, Terry.”

The sincere remorse in her voice left me closing my eyes, attempting to swallow down that lump in my throat. Kieron was almost out of time; I knew this. I knew it even before I left to get that knife.

Kieron wanted me to let go. Let him go. I couldn’t.

I wasn’t sure when I came to rely on him so much, enjoy his presence so much, but I did nevertheless. I loved him; there was no other way to describe it. It wasn’t love at first sight, and maybe not even true love, but it was love and it was real enough for me.

So, no, I couldn’t let him go.

No matter how much he told me to, in that pained voice of his.

With those _whimpers_.

_Oh, God. Be okay._

After all of this, I wasn’t sure what I’d do if we _couldn’t_ save him. If he died anyway. If I couldn’t let go but he still slipped through my fingers despite how fucking _hard_ I tried to hold on, tried to keep him here with me. How hard I tried to convince him I _cared_ , that I wasn’t going anywhere, and I was going to _save_ him. If I failed…

_I won’t fail._

It wasn’t an option. If I lost him… if I let him die like this… because of _me_ …

If I made him hold on this long only to die anyway… after suffering so much…

“When you’re ready,” Bekkah said from the doorway, causing my spine to stiffen because I’d momentarily forgotten about her, “please join us in the kitchen. We have a lot to talk about.”

I didn’t want to leave Kieron for any reason, but I nodded all the same.

“How’s his fever?” she asked.

“Still bad,” I muttered, and then frowned, glancing at her. “Why won’t you come into the room?”

She shook her head. “You wouldn’t let any of us near you.”

“I… What?”

“Well, near Kieron,” she remedied. “You wouldn’t let us near him. It was… strange. We came in here after you screamed, and you were unconscious. Both of you were. We tried to move you but you just… got up.”

“Got up?” I repeated. “I thought you said I was unconscious.”

“You were,” she said, nodding. “You weren’t really awake. It wasn’t… you. Not really. You were in this… _trance_ or something. Tommy tried to snap you out of it but you nearly…”

“What?” I whispered. “What’d I do? Is he okay?”

Did I hurt my brother when I wasn’t even awake?

“He sank to his knees and developed a fever,” she said, shaking her head. “When he started to cry out, we dragged him from the room. His ears were steaming by then. You almost… You tried to burn him from the inside out.”

I stared at her, horror dawning in my mind, mingling with the aftermath of pain, and the shock of what I was hearing. “W- _What_?” I gasped, shaking my head. “No, I… I didn’t. I couldn’t!”

“You did,” she said. “You saw him as a threat.”

“But he’s not a threat!”

“A part of you knows that,” she said, nodding. “But a part of you identifies everything but Kieron as a threat, especially when… when you were both like that. Both in pain, both suffering. So when he was in trouble… you reacted accordingly. Everything became the enemy. So we haven’t been back into the room since. We’ve checked on you from the doorway.”

I looked down at the sheets beneath me, before glancing at Kieron’s pale face. Silence wrapped around us for a few minutes before I sighed and shook my head, looking back at Bekkah.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly.

“I know,” she said. “We know you didn’t mean it. Even Tommy knows, and he’s okay. A little shaken, but he’s fine.”

I nodded. “Thank God.”

“But come into the kitchen when you’re ready. Having Kieron awake might be helpful, too.”

“I’ll try,” I promised.

She nodded and left the room, closing the door quietly behind her while I looked back at my perpetual.

I sighed and looked back at my perpetual. Blue eyes, barely parted, were watching me carefully. They slid shut when I looked at him as he sighed, grimacing. I slid a little closing, lightly grasping his shoulder.

“Kie?”

He grunted in response.

I sighed, shaking my head, happy he was awake despite everything else. Despite the pain I knew he was in. Despite all I saw in those memories. Despite… a lot of things.

“How do you feel?” I asked.

“Fine,” he muttered.

I released a slow breath. “Look, Kie, I’m gonna go talk to Bekkah, okay? They… They’ve made an antidote.”

“They _think_ they have.”

“It’ll work,” I said, narrowing my eyes at him. “You’ll be fine, okay?”

He didn’t answer, but I didn’t really expect him to. I scrubbed a hand over my face, attempting to convince myself that leaving him to talk to Bekkah and the others was a good idea, not a terrible one. I had no reason to feel guilt about talking to them, especially since it was to save his life.

“Kie… I…”

“I know,” he sighed. “Go.”

I swallowed, giving his shoulder a final squeeze, before I slid away from him and off the bed, padding quietly toward the door. Leaving him when he was like this was almost impossible, but this was to help him.

The kitchen wasn’t anything fancy. It was old, run-down, and had a barely functioning ice box. It wasn’t even a refrigerator. The table sat only two. Currently Ashere and Arabeth sat at the table, with this odd looking concoction resting between them, reddish gold in color. Bekkah stood against the counters near the far wall, and Tommy hurried toward me as I entered the room, looking me over.

“Are you okay?” he asked, reaching toward my shoulder.

I shrugged. “I’m fine,” I told him. “Just tired.” My gaze slid toward Arabeth. “This will help him, right?”

_Please say yes._

Hesitation crossed her face, and my heart sank further into that mess of knots in my stomach. “It’s hard to say,” she said. “This is all very new to me. To perpetuals. We’ve never been poisoned like this before. Kieron’s the first to experience it.”

I grimaced.

_Yeah, lucky him._

“But this will fix it, right? The antidote?”

“In theory,” she said. “I’ve done what I can. But there’s no clear answer, since this is the first time this is happening. It’s going to be trial and error, Terry. You must understand.”

“What are you trying to say?” I asked, because I knew there was a reason she was dragging this out.

Something bad.

“It might kill him,” Ashere said flatly.

“W-What?”

“The antidote,” Bekkah clarified. “It could save him or send his body into shock.”

I scrubbed a hand across my face, dragging in a shaky breath as I let this sink in. The antidote could save him, or kill him. Which was worse? Dying by the poison or dying by the antidote?

“It will be painful,” Arabeth said, like _that_ was going to help me, going to make me feel any less sick to my stomach. “And he has to be awake.”

Meaning he’d feel everything.

_Oh, God, what do I do?_

“So… So what are you going to do?” I asked. “We can’t just… let him die.”

We’d come too far for that to happen. We’d tried so damn _hard_ to get where we were now, and it still all might have been for nothing.

“We thought we’d let you decide,” Arabeth told me, watching me with that blank expression I’d come to associate her with. “He’s your perpetual.”

_Oh, God…_

“What are… What are the odds?” I asked quietly, not really wanting to know the answer, but I had to if I was going to make this decision.

The decision about whether or not to give Kieron the antidote.

_How can I decide?_

Would it be crueler to give it to him, make him suffer through it if it went _wrong_ , or to just let him die from the poison? Either way it was painful. Either way, I _lost_ him.

_No. Save him._

“I want to say 50/50,” Arabeth said. “But, again, we aren’t sure of anything at this point.”

 _50/50_.

Equal odds that I might kill him or save him if I gave him this.

“What do you want to do, Terry?” Tommy asked, standing next to me all the while, hand heavy on my shoulder. I found little comfort in it, though.

“I… I don’t know,” I whispered, shaking my head, swallowing thickly but that lump in my throat never seemed to go away.

_How can I decide?_

How could I make this choice knowing it might just kill him anyway? And even Arabeth said it would be _painful_. More painful than the poison, if it went wrong? I thought back to before he re-opened the bond after I got back with the knife. He’d been in so much _pain_ ; what would happen if the antidote was worse than the poison?

_Oh, God, I can’t._

I couldn’t do that to him.

But I couldn’t just say _no_ , either. I couldn’t just _let him go_. If there was a chance this could save him… if there was still hope…

_What would he want me to do?_

Perhaps I should discuss it with him.

But he’d only tell me to let him go. Tell me to stop looking for something that wasn’t there, and let him go.

_I can’t. I can’t let you go._

_Kieron… what do I do…_

What would he want? What was best?

How was I supposed to make that decision?

Everyone was watching me, waiting for an answer. Ashere was tense in his seat, Bekkah was still leaning against the counter, hands gripping the edge in a white-knuckled hold, and Tommy still stood next to me, his grip on my shoulder tightening in what was meant to be a comforting squeeze. Arabeth just simply watched me; she didn’t care either way. It was no skin off her back if he lived or died. She was just here to do a job, and that was to appease me, most likely. They needed me; they’d do what they could to keep me compliant.

And if that meant pretending to give a damn about Kieron, and helping him, then that was what they’d do.

Anger burned through me, but now wasn’t the time. I couldn’t deal with that right now. I had to think of a way to save him, not kill him.

_What do I **do** …_

“Terry?”

Bekkah’s voice was quiet, but firm.

“Time to decide,” she told me.

“I… I don’t… I don’t _know_ ,” I said. “I don’t… How…”

“Should we give him the antidote and see what happens, or leave him be?” she asked.

“Why… Why are you asking _me_?”

I was biased; I wanted him to live! Of course I wanted to give him the antidote, if only for that hope it _might_ help him. But that might do more harm than good, if it failed.

And I couldn’t make that choice. I couldn’t decide his fate.

“Because he’s your perpetual,” Arabeth said plainly. “When he is out of commission, you speak for him.”

“But… But I don’t…”

_What do I do?_

“Well? Give it to him or not?” Ashere asked.

There was this harshness to his tone, but I let it slide for now. His best friend was about to die, and he’d just lost his mate; I wouldn’t take offense to it right now.

_Give it to him or let him die…_

If it failed… would it be quick? Or prolonged?

No, I told myself. Probably fast, if it was a shock to his system. Painful, but fast. Or he was risking a slow, painful death without the antidote. Letting him go wasn’t an option; I’d come too far to quit now. I told him we had the antidote. There was a chance it could work. 50/50.

“Yes,” I choked, closing my eyes. “Give it to him.”


	38. Laugh, I Nearly Died

Chapter Thirty-Eight: Laugh, I Nearly Died

 

The antidote had to be administered via IV, directly into his veins. It would take a few hours for them to set everything up, so I currently sat at Kieron’s side, reading his book aloud to him as he drifted in and out of consciousness. I hoped my presence helped, but I wasn’t sure if I was just annoying him or comforting him.

His book was almost out of pages. I planned on burning this book when this was all over, though, so that was okay. It reminded me too much of him in such a bad state.

“Human…”

I looked up from the pages, the words having started blurring together. I cleared my throat, swallowing before I answered him. “Yeah, Kie?”

Tired blue eyes opened. A frown crossed his face. “Everythin’s fuzzy.”

“Fuzzy?” I echoed, frowning.

He hummed in response. “Can’t see.”

“Can’t…?”

Was that part of the poison? He’d been able to see just fine so far.

My mind flashed back to when he was dying on me before.

_“ ‘s… g-oin’… d-ark…”_

A chill crept through me. “How do you feel?”

“Tired,” he muttered. “Always tired.”

At least he wasn’t slurring as much as he had been lately. I tried to take that as a good sign, and silently hoped they got that IV set up soon.

“How’s the… How’s the pain?”

“ ‘s fine,” he sighed, eyes closing. “Same as… always.”

So it still hurt, then, he was just trying to hide it from me.

_Why do you think you have to hide it from me?_

“Do you… Do you want me to keep reading?” I asked quietly, attempting to get my voice from wavering but it was a losing battle.

“S-ure,” he said.

“Does it help?”

“S-ure… L-ike the… sound of your… voice…”

My eyes widened, my hanging open momentarily. Did he just…? “You… You _do_?”

His eyes opened as that frown returned. He blinked a few times. “S-orry,” he murmured. “K-inda… out of it. Don’ listen t-o me.”

_He likes the sound of my voice. Oh my God. What’s going on?_

I _never_ thought I’d hear him say anything like that. Warmth ebbed through me, bashing against those tight knots of dread in my stomach, but doing little to comfort me.

“Everything’s gonna be fine, Kie,” I told him.

“S-ure,” he said again.

“I promise.”

He sighed, closing his eyes again. They seemed to always be closed these days. I didn’t like it. It reminded me of…

_“ **Look at me** , you’re okay!”_

“Kie?” I asked quietly. “Can you… Can you stay awake for a little while?”

“ ‘m tired.”

“I know you are, Kie. I know. Just…”

I was anxious, and worried, and a multitude of other things. Right now I didn’t want to be alone, even if I was with him and he was just sleeping. Besides, he had to be awake for the antidote, right? Might as well keep him awake than try to rouse him later. Right?

“Kie?”

His eyes opened. “F-ine.”

I smiled, brushing back those pesky bangs. When he shot me a weak glare, I almost laughed. The first normal expression I’d seen on him in a long time. “I’ll keep reading.”

He blinked in acknowledgement, and I looked back down at the book I held lightly in my hands.

 

Kieron wasn’t happy about having an IV hooked up to his arm. He kept scowling at it though he never outright said anything. I knew he was tired and the IV wasn’t comfortable, but it was for the best, as I kept telling myself. Everything would be okay; this would work. It _had_ to. If it didn’t…

I hadn’t told him about the chance of it not working. I knew I should have; keeping things from him wasn’t the way to do this. he needed to be informed of everything that might happen, but he hadn’t asked, and I hadn’t offered any details. Neither of us really wanted to talk about it. Besides, telling him would create more doubts than he already had about this working. He needed some hope. We all did.

I couldn’t take the hope away.

_Please let this work. Just let this work._

Kieron knew I was upset about something – dreading something. He didn’t ask what it was. I think he knew. That was probably why he was tolerating all the hovering I was doing, the way I wouldn’t let go of his hand or move from his side for any reason. He didn’t say anything about it, only occasionally scowled, and let me continue my worried hovering, like a mother fretting over her child.

And now images of little Kieron were entering my mind. Images of little Kieron, scared, hiding under his covers when he first got his ears. Back when he was innocent, and open, and untarnished by society. Now, though…

A lot had happened to him in his lifetime. I couldn’t make up for it, couldn’t do anything about it, but this… I could help with this. I could be here with him now, and tell him everything was going to be okay, even if I was lying through my teeth. I’d want someone to do the same for me.

_But it **will** be okay._

It had to be, right? Life wouldn’t be this cruel, to give us hope of a way to save him, and then take it away. It wouldn’t be so cruel to have him die like this after he’d already had such a rough life. It wasn’t _fair_.

_Life’s not fair._

I knew this. It was _never_ fair, but this… this was just cruel.

And wrong.

_Please let this work._

“How do you feel?”

Kieron released a puff of air, tossing me a semi-irritated look. “No different than the first… twenty times you asked me.”

“Sorry,” I said. “I just…”

“When… are they gonna… do this thing?”

“Soon,” I said. It had already been a few hours since I decided to give him the antidote. A few hours of sitting here, waiting. Worrying. They’d be administering it any time now, the IV already linked to his veins in his arm. Every so often he’d reach over and adjust it as it irritated him, rubbing against his skin. His too-hot skin.

He needed this. Either way… whatever happened… he needed this. If everything went horribly wrong, at least it’d be over quickly. It was terrible, but it was better to see him go quickly than to suffer like he was, as much as I hated to even think about it. Life wouldn’t be so unfair, I kept telling myself. This would help him, not hurt him.

Heal him, not kill him.

_Please let it work._

There was a soft knock at the door. Despite how quiet it was, I stiffened, closing my eyes because I knew what it meant. It meant it was time to start administering the antidote, and pray it didn’t kill him.

“Kieron, I… You know I…”

_I love you._

I shook my head, swallowing back the words.

“Human,” he said slowly, looking away. “If this doesn’t-”

“ _No_ ,” I snapped, glaring at him. “No goodbye speeches, dammit. This will work. You’re gonna be just fine, Kieron.”

He took in a slow breath and nodded. “Yeah,” he said quietly, “okay.”

Arabeth appeared behind me, strange concoction in hand. “How are you feeling, Kieron?”

“Fuckin’ wonderful,” he muttered. “Just do it.”

She nodded, grabbed the other end of the IV, and slipped in the concoction. I watched as the reddish gold liquid slid through the IV drip, before disappearing into Kieron’s veins. For a long moment, nothing happened. He just lay there, body a little stiff as he looked up at the ceiling, avoiding eye contact with anyone. He probably didn’t like everyone watching him like this, but it needed to be done.

Seconds turned into minutes. Nothing happened, and I released a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. Giving Kieron’s hand a tight squeeze, I leaned back a little, body relaxing, all that anxiety draining out of me.

_It’s working. Thank God._

“Terry?”

I frowned at the shakiness of Kieron’s voice. “Yeah?” I asked, looking at him. A frown had crossed his face as he continued looking up at the ceiling.

“Feel strange.”

“Strange?” I echoed, shooting a glance at Arabeth, but of course she was no help. “Strange how, Kie?”

“Dunno, just… _ngh_ …”

The pained sound was the only warning we got before he arched his back, body going rigid, his hand tightening around mine in a death grip, and I knew bones were beginning to fracture, but I didn’t care. I squeezed right back as I jumped to my feet.

“Kieron!” I looked at Arabeth. “What’s happening?”

She shook her head. “Like I said, this is unprecedented. I do not know.”

“Help him!” I snapped, pain rolling through the bond.

My skin itched and burned. Pain _everywhere_ , darting through my mind, bouncing off my skull to keep continuing the agony. Crashing to my knees, I released this pained sound I couldn’t quite describe or identify, as my skin ignited. I rubbed at my arm with my free hand, but the feel of my hand on so sensitive skin only made it _worse_.

_No. No!_

And then everything just… stopped.

The pain left my mind, the itching and burning of my skin stopped, and Kieron’s death grip on my hand loosened, his fingers slack. I jumped to my feet, all but staggering over the bed.

“Kieron?” I breathed, looking at those closed eyes, pale skin, barely parted lips. “K-Kie? _Kieron!_ ”

 _No, no, no_ -

“Shh,” my perpetual snapped, grimacing, and I could breathe again. “Don’ be so loud. Head’s on fire.”

“Kieron,” I said, legs too shaky to hold me up right now. I sank down next to him on the bed, scanning him over. His body was no longer so tense and rigid. His brow wasn’t creased with pain like it had been lately. I reached a hand out, touching it against his forehead, smiling even as blue eyes opened and glared at me in all their exhausted glory. He wasn’t burning up anymore. The fever had broken. “You’re okay. You’re _okay_.”

“Was there any doubt?” he asked, the ghost of a smile on his lips.

With a strangled sigh which was probably more like a sob, I wrapped my arms around him in a tight hug, reveling in the lack of those shaky breaths, the lack of that ever-present heat I’d grown to hate. All I could hear under my ear was the steady _thud-thud_ of his heart, calming down from all the tension which had been in his body just minutes before.

“I love you,” I said quietly, as one of his arms came around me in an awkward embrace, but I enjoyed every minute of it.

He didn’t reply, but I didn’t expect him to. He didn’t need to say anything.

I was just happy it worked, and he was okay.

_He’s okay._

Arabeth hovered over him, reaching for his forehead with her fingers. As soon as her fingers brushed against his skin he grimaced, eyes narrowing, and I didn’t realize I was growling until those blue eyes snapped toward me.

“Sorry,” I murmured.

_I can’t help it._

“Interesting,” Arabeth said under her breath.

“What’s interesting?” I asked, lifting my head from his chest enough to peer at her.

She had this puzzled expression on her face. I wasn’t sure what to make of that, considering she hadn’t really shown any emotion so far. Just this blank look on her face at all times.

“I will need to do further tests,” she said, shaking her head. “For now, rest.”

“I’ll make sure he does,” I promised.

“Been sleeping forever,” Kieron muttered, his voice a warm rumble beneath me.

That delightfully irritated rumble.

I smirked down at him as Arabeth left the room, leaving the two of us alone. “You look like hell, you know.”

His scowl was familiar. “Gee, thanks, human. Because you certainly look like a ray of sunshine.”

I chuckled. “I look bad, huh?”

He sighed, looking back up at the ceiling. “Go take a shower. And sleep.”

“I will later,” I told him. “Do you… Do you need anything?”

“No.”

“Are you… How do you feel?”

He released a slow breath. “Strange.”

“S… Strange?” I repeated, lifting myself further up, sitting next to him instead of laying on top of him, releasing him from the hug. “What do you mean? You’re… You’re okay, right?”

“Head hurts. Tired. Can’t think straight.” A pause. “But there’s little pain.”

I released a breath I hadn’t known I’d been holding. “That’s good,” I said. “I’m… I’m glad you’re better, Kie. And you’ll probably feel even better once you get a good night’s rest.”

“Been sleeping forever,” he said again.

“Yeah, but it wasn’t peaceful,” I muttered, shaking my head. “Just… take it easy for a while.”

“Not an invalid, human.”

“I know you’re not,” I said quietly, watching that crease in his brow, the crease of irritation instead of pain. “I just… You need… Just take it easy, okay, Kieron?”

He’d almost died on me.

_Oh, God._

He came _this close_ to dying on me. _Dying_. As in _gone forever_. Never seeing him again, never hearing him, watching him, feeling him…

There was this tightness in my chest. It had been there for a while, but now I couldn’t keep it back. Before there was no time to worry about it – all of my efforts needed to be focused on saving him, and now he was okay, and the dam broke.

I didn’t realize I was practically crying until his fingers treaded through my hair, lightly pulling me back down until my head was on his chest. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. I settled back into him, listening to his heart beating wonderfully in his chest, the rise and fall of his breathing, those fingers combing through my hair, soothing me in a way nothing else ever could…

“Calm down,” he finally said.

“You… You almost…” I drew in a shaky breath. “You almost _died_.”

“Better than almost living,” he said.

I paused, and then gave into a short, breathy laugh. It felt good to laugh, to know the worst was over, and it _wouldn’t_ be the last time I’d laugh with him. There would be plenty more times to do that later on, because he was _okay_. Because, yes, he almost died on me, but he was okay now. He was _fine_.

Tired, exhausted, and maybe a little out of it, but _okay_.

Not _dying_ on me anymore.

_Thank fucking God._

“Thanks, human,” he said quietly, voice this low rumble echoing under my ear which was resting atop his chest, and I curled a little more into him, releasing a slow breath.

“For what?” I asked.

“For… caring,” he murmured.

_For caring._

_Why’s he always thanking me for caring?_

“You know I care about you, right?” I asked. “I mean… I don’t… You don’t have to worry about that, right?”

“No, human,” he said. “I know you care.”

I hoped he meant that. Despite everything else which had happened to him so far in his life, he had to know I cared about him, and I wouldn’t leave him. I wasn’t going anywhere, and I wouldn’t let him go anywhere either.

“Good,” I breathed. “I… I don’t… You don’t still want to die, do you?”

It was a question which had been on the back of my mind for a while now. I’d pushed that thought aside because I couldn’t think about it while trying to save him. What if I’d saved him when he didn’t want to be saved? Like before? He said he wanted to die, and then he wasn’t sure what to do after I’d somehow saved him and he was alive. He wasn’t sure how to feel about it then – was now any different? Did he still feel that way? Did he still want to die?

It was quiet for a long moment, before he sighed, fingers stilling in my hair.

“Not yet,” he finally said.

“Not… Not yet?” I echoed. “What’s that mean?”

“I’ll probably want it to end one day. No one wants to live forever.”

 _No one wants to live forever_.

I could agree with those words, honestly. Living forever sounded good in theory, but in reality it wasn’t the best. It was lonely, and there was no way out of it. Having seen some of his memories, I could see where he was coming from in regards to not wanting to live forever. As long as he didn’t want to die right now… I guess I was okay with that.

“Good,” I said. “Because I’m not letting go.”

His laugh was breathy but sounded great to my ears. A sound I wasn’t sure I’d ever hear again. “I know, human,” he said quietly. “I know.”


	39. Getting Better

Chapter Thirty-Nine: Getting Better

 

We returned to the apartment a few days later. Tommy went back to Lacy, who was staying at her sister’s. She’d been worried sick about him, of course. He just suddenly vanished on her. I wished him luck in trying to explain things to her. He probably chose to leave everything about perpetuals, poison, and Ethereal out of his explanation, so I wondered what he was going to tell her.

I didn’t think about it much, though, because Kieron was finally home.

In the shower, as well. I’d tried to join him, but he shut the door in my face, claiming, once again, that he wasn’t an invalid.

A few days ago, the antidote was administered. It worked. Arabeth was still doing tests on the leftover concoction, but told us we could return home if we wanted. Of course I said yes. We had extra security in the area, so the apartment was safe enough, and it was _home_. And I’d promised Kieron we’d both go home soon. I also said I’d save him, and I did.

He was okay.

It was still so hard to comprehend. A few days ago he’d been about to _die_ , but now it was like none of that ever happened. He complained of soreness occasionally, but that was probably from lying around so much. He was usually very active; the downtime probably _did_ leave him feeling sore.

_He’s okay._

I kept telling myself that, and I _knew_ he was okay, but having him out of my sight right now… It left my stomach full of those knots again. What if this wasn’t real? What if my mind was playing tricks on me to convince me everything was okay, when in reality it wasn’t? What if Kieron was de-

**_Knock it off, human._ **

I drew in a shaky breath, hovering near the bed.

_Right. Sorry, Kie, I just…_

**_Eat something, dammit._ **

_Right, we haven’t… really eaten lately. I’ll fix something if you want? Or do you want me to order a pizza?_

**_Pizza’s fine, human._ **

I nodded even though I knew he couldn’t see me, and moved toward the kitchen, casting one last glance at the closed bathroom door. He was okay; he didn’t need me hovering over him anymore. He was _fine_.

I plucked the phone from the cradle, realizing I had several new messages. After ordering the pizza, I sighed and decided to listen to them while I waited for Kieron to get out of the shower.

 _“Terry? Is Tommy there with you? Where are you guys? What… What’s going on? Please call me back.”_ Lacy. Worried out of her mind about her husband.

_Never meant to worry her…_

_“Hello! Would you like to change your internet-”_

_“Terry? Look, fuck, I’m sorry, okay? We really need to talk. I don’t… My family… Terry, please.”_ John.

My spine stiffened, a growl catching in my throat. This was John’s fault. Perhaps that was ridiculous of me, blaming him for that terrible, poisonous knife, but he started the events which led up to it. Had he not tricked me into meeting him, luring me out as bait for Kieron, I never would have been tortured. Had I never been tortured, Tommy never would have questioned me about my hands and then accused Kieron of doing things. Had he never done this, perhaps he wouldn’t have chased Kieron off as he’d intended by confronting him about his ‘false identity’. If he never did _that_ , then Kieron might have let me know there were screamers around, and I would have been able to help _before_ it was too late.

_Too late._

I swallowed, grimacing, a bad taste at the back of my throat at the thought. But it wasn’t too late – he’d still been alive then, and he was still alive now. That was all that mattered.

There were a few other messages, mostly from random ads and everything, asking me if I wanted a new cell phone provider, or internet, and things like that. I hated salesmen like that. If I didn’t contact them, why would they bother to contact me? Do they just type in random numbers and hope it’s a phone number?

Kieron took a while in the shower, but I didn’t blame him. That hot water had to feel good against his sore muscles. I couldn’t blame him for trying to relax while he was in there. He emerged just after the pizza arrived and I’d set the table. I grinned at him as he emerged with damp hair, a black T-shirt which was a little snug on him, and shapeless sweatpants. He looked comfortable.

“Hey,” I said. “Was just about to get you.”

“Smelled it,” he said. “First time I’ve smelled something and haven’t been nauseous.”

I paused, letting that sink in. He’d still been nauseous lately, but not nearly as much as before. Arabeth said it was nothing to worry about, just his body still attempting to adjust to everything. She told me it would wear off in due time.

_Looks like that’s now._

“Well, lucky you,” I said, smirking. “You get to have pizza for your first meal.”

“Joy,” he muttered, shaking his head as he sat at the table.

I eyed him as he reached for a slice of pizza, bringing it to his lips. After he ate a few bites, I relaxed in my seat, unaware I’d been so tense, and reached for my own slice of pizza and began eating.

The meal was eaten in silence, but that was okay.

Afterward, he sat back, eying me carefully. “You should shower,” he said.

“Are you trying to say I stink?”

He shrugged. “If that’s how you wanna look at it.”

“Well, had you let me _join_ you,” I sighed, shaking my head.

He scowled.

I chuckled, pushing to my feet. “Let me digest and I’ll shower.”

“Fair enough,” he said.

“Watch TV with me?”

He shrugged and got to his feet, moving toward the living area with me. We sat on the couch, and my mind flashed back to when we were on the couch before, back before we went to Tommy’s and all of that terrible stuff happened.

_It’s okay._

Everything was okay, as I kept telling myself. Kieron was okay, and there would be more opportunities in the future to have more moments like before, on the couch. Everything would be okay now.

_Except it almost wasn’t okay…_

I wished my mind would stop bringing it up, dragging up those images of Kieron in his deteriorating state. He was with me right now, alive and regaining his strength. He wouldn’t get completely better overnight, Arabeth told me, but he was on his way to the old Kieron. He’d be tired a lot lately, she told me, and maybe grumpy because of it, but otherwise, he’d be fine. Perfectly fine.

_He’s okay. It’s over._

“Human.”

I looked over at him to find him scowling at me. “Sorry,” I said quietly. “I’ll try to stop thinking about it.”

He sighed, shook his head, and reached for the TV remote.

 

I woke the next morning alone in bed. The covers next to me were empty and cold, meaning I’d been alone for a while. Quickly, I sat up and scanned the room, attempting to calm my racing heart because everything was _fine_. “Kieron?” I called, frowning when there was no response.

I threw the covers back, padding out of the bedroom. The rest of the apartment was empty as well, leaving that knot in my stomach growing, my pulse racing even more.

“Kieron?” I called again, louder this time, even though I could see for myself the apartment was empty and I was alone. That knot in my stomach tightened and doubled in size, and images of him sick, pale and _dying_ entered my mind, leaving this lump in my throat which made it a little harder to breathe.

_Kieron? Where are you? Kie?_

No answer.

_Kieron! Where are you?_

What if something happened? No, I told myself; my skin wasn’t itching or burning. He was okay. What if he’d been called back to Ethereal? No, surely he would have told me. Then again, he knew I’d argue with him. So maybe…

_Kieron!_

I told myself I wouldn’t let him out of my sight again. I’d keep an eye on him, make sure nothing like _that_ ever happened again. But now…

 _Kieron, where the fuck_ -

 ** _I’ll be back in a few,_** came his irritated response, sending a wave of calm rushing over me.

I released a breath I hadn’t known I’d been holding, and felt my tense muscles relax. _Where are you, Kie?_

**_I went to the store – we’re out of everything. Almost back to apartment._ **

He went to the store. Grocery shopping. Because we had no food here, except for some canned stuff, and the milk and everything had gone bad while we’d been in Ethereal, and while he’d been sick before that. For weeks, we hadn’t really eaten here. For weeks, this hadn’t really felt like _home_.

But it was home again. It was _home_ , and I hoped Kieron knew it was his home too.

He wasn’t alone anymore.

**_Human. Knock it off._ **

I grinned. _Can’t handle some gooey thoughts, Kie-Kie?_

I could almost _feel_ his scowl.

**_I’ll smack you when I get back._ **

_No you won’t, Kie. You love me._

He stopped the conversation there; he needed to focus on driving, and I should probably clean up the apartment a bit before he got back. Get rid of the old food, whatever was bad, and make room for the new things.

It took about ten minutes, but I had the kitchen straightened up enough by the time he pushed the apartment door open, juggling what looked like multiple heavy bags. I hurried toward him, snagging the majority of them, hauling them toward the kitchen. They were _heavy_.

_What the hell does he have in here? Weights?_

“Human,” he said, scowl evident in his voice as he followed me into the kitchen with the remainder of the bags. “I can handle a few bags.”

“Those are heavy,” I said, like it changed anything, as I put said heavy bags down on the small kitchen table.

“And I’m a perpetual,” he told me, putting down his own bags. The groceries took up the whole table. “I can handle the weight more than you can.”

I shrugged. “Yeah, well, you did all the shopping – I could at least help with the bags.”

He shrugged back, shaking his head. “If you want to feel useful, you can unload everything.” He smirked. “Have fun. I’m gonna take a nap; wake me when there’s food.”

With that, he trudged off into the bedroom even as I frowned after him. I’d just gotten up; how long had he been awake that he felt like he needed a nap now? He rarely napped, unless it was after a hard day’s work, like after he came back from Ethereal or something. All he’d done was go to the store.

_She did say he’d be tired for a while._

It was probably nothing to worry about.

Even so, I eased into the bedroom to find him curled under the covers, breaths already beginning to even out in the beginnings of a deep sleep. At least his brow wasn’t creased anymore, and he wasn’t restless. He was getting a good, peaceful sleep these days. He needed it.

I watched him for a moment, before I sighed and ducked back into the kitchen, beginning to unload the groceries.

He got a lot of things I hadn’t even realized we needed. Like salt and pepper for the shakers; bottled water; Sprite; ramen noodles; hamburger; lunchmeat and cheese; potatoes; cereal; milk… etc.

That should have been my job. He shouldn’t have had to do that on his own. If he’d only woken me up…

_He doesn’t you to think he’s an invalid._

I knew this. He hated being seen as ‘weak’, and that poison took a lot out of him, including a bit of his self-esteem. He wasn’t okay – he hated that. He hated being seen like that, and then with Arabeth saying he might be weak for a while… well, he wasn’t taking it very well.

_And I’m making it worse._

I kept asking how he felt, hovering over him like he was going to break at any given minute…

I needed to try to give him some space, but that was so incredibly hard to do right now. I nearly lost him; he almost _died_ on me. How could I _not_ hover? How could I let him out of my sight for even just a moment?

_He’s okay now, though._

Yes, he was better now. Still weakened, and sore and tired, but _better_. On his way back to his old self. It would just take some time.

Time for both of us to get back to how we used to be.

Time to forget even just a _fraction_ of him almost dying.

I drew in a breath, attempting to shove those thoughts from my mind, but it was difficult.

After unloading all of the groceries, I took to cleaning the rest of the apartment while he slept. I’d wake him in a few hours with some lunch, but he needed his sleep despite how much he complained about it. Despite how much he said he’d done more than enough ‘resting’. He needed this.

We both did, really.

He needed to rest to heal, and I needed to see him resting to heal.

Everything else could wait until after he was better.

 

On the third day of us being home, Ashere knocked on the door. Immediately my mood soured. I still wasn’t very fond of him despite him helping Kieron like I knew he would, and I knew it meant trouble. He never stopped by just to visit.

“Whatever it is,” I said, keeping him from entering the apartment, “the answer’s no. He’s not doing anything right now.”

If I had my way, he’d never fight again, but I knew I couldn’t make that happen, for various reasons. He liked fighting; it was in his blood. He was at home in a battle because that was what he’d been raised to do. And there was a war going on. Two of them, and they needed all the help they could get.

That didn’t mean I liked him returning to danger, though. Especially so soon after I almost lost him.

Ashere scowled at me. “Let me in.”

“No,” I said. “He’s sleeping. Whatever it is can wait.”

“It’s important.”

“It’s always important,” I said, scowling at him. “It can wait.”

His eyes narrowed. “You’re being difficult.”

“He almost _died_ ,” I snapped, glaring at him. “Or did you forget that little detail? He’s resting like he’s _supposed_ to, and if you try to disturb that and send him back to-”

“I’m not here to take him back to Ethereal,” Ashere snapped back, glaring at me in return as he took a step forward, easily pushing past me. I tried to stop him but, you know, human strength and all that.

I sighed and closed the door behind him. “Then why are you here?”

“I need to talk to Kieron.”

“Whatever it is can-”

“I’m here to _warn_ him,” he said. “Will you let me talk to him _now_?”

I paused, then, hesitating. “Warn him?” I repeated, frowning. “What do you mean? What’s going on?”

_Are screamers coming?_

I hoped not. So far my apartment had been _safe_ , and I wanted to keep it that way. I didn’t want to leave home again so soon after getting back and attempting to get back to _normal_. Well, our kind of normal, anyway. The normal with him here at the apartment with me and not fighting for his life.

Ashere hesitated. That knot in my stomach grew. “Arabeth found something.”

“Found what? What’s it have to do with Kieron?”

_And why does that have you trying to warn him about something?_

What could Arabeth have possibly found that left Ashere thinking he had to warn Kieron?

_It can’t be good._

It could _never_ be good, because life hated us.

Why couldn’t it just give us a break? Give _Kieron_ a break?

“She found something with the concoction.”

The breath left my lungs, dread filling my heart and stomach, leaving me dizzy. “Oh, God, it’s fine, right? I mean… h-he’s still okay, right? He’s not going to relapse or anything?”

_Please don’t that happen._

What if the antidote wound up only being a temporary fix?

The desperation and despair from before momentarily clogged my throat. I couldn’t imagine seeing him deteriorate again. I barely made it through it the first time; I couldn’t do it again. Not after he was getting _better_. He couldn’t do it again, either. Last time he’d told me to let him go, and I couldn’t. Neither of us had the fight left in them to go through it a second time.

_Please no._

“I don’t think so,” Ashere said, shaking his head. “I don’t think that’s what she’s going to talk to him about. She’ll be here in two days, with back-up.”

“Back-up?” I echoed. “I don’t like the sound of that.”

“You shouldn’t,” he agreed. “I don’t know what she found with the antidote, but it has something to do with Kieron, and she seemed disturbed by it.”

“D-Disturbed?”

She’d been blank-faced the whole time Kieron was dying. It didn’t faze her. So why, then, was she upset about something she found with the concoction, that somehow involved Kieron?

“Kie’s okay, though, right?”

“He should be fine,” Ashere said. “No ill effects, right?”

“Not yet,” I told him.

So far all Kieron had been was tired and a little sore, but that was to be expected after what he went through. Hell, _I_ was tired and I wasn’t even the one at death’s door.

“I don’t know what she wants to talk about, but I don’t have a good feeling about this,” he told me, sighing heavily. “So I need to talk to Kieron, Terry.”

I nodded slowly. “Okay,” I murmured. “I’ll… I’ll wake him. Wait here.”

I turned on my heel and left the living area, moving into the bedroom. It was quiet save for the fan we always had on. It was cold out this time of year, inching ever closer to the holiday season, which I hadn’t even realized was approaching so rapidly. There would be Christmas to spend together. A part of me felt giddy at the thought. Did they have Christmas in Ethereal? If not, I’d make this the best Christmas ever, for Kieron.

I was never much into the holidays after Mom died. All the holidays seemed to lose all meaning after that, with the family pulling further away from each other. Tommy spent most of his time with his friends, and Dad became a little unbearable. He drank a lot, but was never mean or abusive or anything, just distant. Then when I told him I was gay, he drank a little more and kept telling me it was just a phase, and I’d grow out of it. Everyone liked to experiment, after all. And with Tommy either out with friends or away at college, ultimately finding Lacy and slipping further away, it was just me at the house for the holidays most of the time.

So, I didn’t care much for the holidays. But this year I wasn’t alone.

Christmas came and went last year, with me in Ethereal. I never even thought about it until a month later, but since I was never big on Christmas anyway, I didn’t care very much. We were busy last year; there wasn’t time for holidays or anything.

I doubted Christmas was a favorite of Kieron’s, either, if they had it in Ethereal. With what I had seen of his childhood, I could imagine any holidays were spent alone.

_This year will be different._

Right now, though, I needed to focus on waking him up so we could discern what Arabeth found, and what it had to do with my perpetual.

“Kie,” I said, lightly grabbing his shoulder, giving it a small squeeze. “Time to wake up. Kieron.”

He sighed and opened his eyes.

I smiled. “Hey, sleepyhead,” I said. “Ashere’s here. Says it’s important.”

A scowl crossed his face.

“He’s not here to take you to Ethereal,” I told him quickly.

He nodded and sat up. I moved back a little to give him some room. He scrubbed a hand over his face, yawning, and then tossed his feet over the side of the bed. He’d lost weight; of course he had, being unable to really eat for a while, with his declining health. He’d thrown up a lot, too, and had been bed-ridden for the most part. You couldn’t really tell when he was fully clothed, but currently he was without a shirt. Those knife wounds, from _that_ blade, were still visible, but were finally really beginning to heal. Before they’d still been very noticeable, only barely closed enough to keep from bleeding. I could see his ribs, too, his skin stretched tight over them.

He obscured my view by pulling a shirt on over his head, padding out of the room. I sighed and followed after him.

Ashere sat on the couch, but stood when Kieron approached, looking him up and down. “Hey,” he said, “you look better. How do you feel?”

“Fine,” Kieron said. “What’d you want to tell me?”

“Sit down, Kie.”

I fought back the growl which lodged in my throat at the nickname. Ashere was his friend; he had every right to use the name. He’d known Kieron longer, after all. Kieron always let him call him that while at first, he’d told me not to.

Kieron tossed me a tired glance and I took in a breath to swallow down that growl. I’d been doing better at keeping it under control, but that was because at the time, I had to focus solely on saving Kieron. Now that he was okay, and getting better, it was harder to redirect that aggressive side.

“I’ll stand, thanks,” Kieron said, looking back at Ashere. “What’d you want, Ash?”

“Arabeth found something strange about the concoction she gave you,” he told him. “She was a little disturbed by it. She’s on her way here to confront you about it; she’ll be here in two days.”

“What about the concoction?” Kieron asked. “I’m not gonna, you know, collapse again, am I?”

The wary tone of his voice suggested what I already knew. He’d rather die than go through it all yet again.

“No,” Ashere said, shaking his head. “I don’t know what she found, but it’s not anything like that. You’re fine.”

“Good,” Kieron said, sighing. I hadn’t realized he’d gotten so tense over thinking about himself deteriorating again. I knew it had bothered him, but he hadn’t really let it show or anything. “Is that all you wanted?”

Ashere frowned. “I thought it was important to tell you.”

Kieron watched him for a moment, before he shrugged and nodded. “Thanks for telling me. Join us for breakfast, Ash. We’ll go out to eat.”

I shot a glance at Kieron.

 ** _He’s lonely,_** he told me.

 _Oh,_ I realized.

He wasn’t used to being alone; he’d been with Blaine for four centuries. The sudden loss of his bond-mate was taking its toll, and add to it the fact Kieron nearly died too… Yeah, he probably needed some company, though he’d, of course, never admit it.

“Yeah,” I said, “let’s go eat.”


	40. Arrested

Chapter Forty: Arrested

 

Kieron got stronger over the next two days. Ashere stayed with us and slept on the couch. I allowed it because I knew he was lonely and was probably missing Blaine, though I doubted he’d ever admit it. While I didn’t personally like Blaine, I knew she meant something to Ashere. They shared a bond, after all; I knew how important _that_ was. I knew how I felt when Kieron was dying; I could only imagine what it felt like to have the bond so suddenly severed in the worst way possible.

So I didn’t argue when Kieron told him to sleep on the couch. Kieron still stayed in bed with me all night, and we woke together in the morning. He cooked breakfast while I showered, and I came out to find him and Ashere already sitting at the small kitchen table. The next day was no different.

Arabeth was due to arrive today, though. All of us were at least a little anxious. What would she have to say to Kieron? What did she find that actually managed to disturb her in some way? It made no sense; the concoction worked, so why bother doing more tests? What could she have possibly found?

_We’ll find out today._

All day was spent in this sort of odd haze. We woke up, ate, and stayed around the apartment, uncertain as to when she would arrive. She was also bringing back-up, according to Ashere, though I wasn’t sure _why_. Why would she need back-up? Was she expecting a fight? With the screamers, or Kieron because of whatever it was she had to say? Kieron was in no condition to fight. He was getting stronger, but he still got tired easily, and while he wasn’t complaining about being sore anymore, he still slept a lot and needed the rest. He needed to take it easy for at least a week. After that, he’d hopefully be back to normal.

But right now, he wasn’t in any condition to fight. So why bring in the back-up?

Ashere said he had a bad feeling about this. I was inclined to agree with him. Even Kieron seemed a little on edge, though he tried to hide it. Why did he always think he had to hide everything from me?

It hurt to think he didn’t trust me enough to show me things like that. I’d done all I could to save his life; I’d been there for him the whole time, told him I’d save him and I wasn’t going to leave anytime soon, and yet he still wouldn’t tell me what he was feeling, still tried to hide everything from me.

_Do you trust me at all?_

He had to , on some level, I knew. But with this…

A knock at the door startled me out of my thoughts. Both Kieron and Ashere stiffened, sharing a quick glance, before Kieron got to his feet and moved toward the door. I jumped up and followed behind him. He opened the door to reveal Arabeth standing there, with two perpetuals I didn’t know and had never seen before.

“Arabeth,” Kieron said, “what a surprise. Is there something you-”

Her blank stare landed on him. “Kieron,” she cut him off with this flat tone, “you are hereby under arrest.” She nodded at the two with her. “Take him.”

“What?” I hissed, stepping forward even as one of the perpetuals grabbed Kieron’s wrist. Kieron twisted away, growling under his breath as Ashere approached behind us. “What the hell is going on?”

“Can I ask what I did?” Kieron muttered.

“I am not at liberty to discuss it,” Arabeth said. “Will you come quietly, or by force?”

“You’re not taking him anywhere,” I snapped, shoving between her and Kieron. Three blank stares looked back at me. They didn’t care what was happening here; they didn’t care that they were trying to arrest Kieron, or that he was innocent of _whatever_ it was they were trying to say he did. They were just here to do a job, because that was all we were to them. A _job_.

“Human,” Kieron said quietly. “Back off.”

Ashere’s fingers curled around my wrist, attempting to pull me away, but I shook off his hold and glared at Arabeth.

“What do you think he did?” I asked. “He was sick the whole time you were with us – he didn’t do anything!”

“Will you come quietly, or by force?” she asked Kieron again, ignoring me.

Anger burned through me. “Are you listening to me?”

“Human,” Kieron said, voice firm. “Back off.”

“It would do well to listen to your perpetual, _human_ ,” one of the perpetuals said, their voice still flat save for that final word, that title which was used for me. The title I only let Kieron use.

“I have a fucking name,” I snapped. “Learn it! And until you tell me what’s going on, no one is going anywhere!”

“We need you alive,” Arabeth said, gaze staring through me, “not fully functional.”

“W-What are you saying?” I asked, swallowing.

“They’ll hurt you if you don’t move,” Ashere said.

“H-Hurt me? But… You need me,” I said, narrowing my eyes at her. Why was she doing this? Why try to help Kieron like she had, and now do _this_ to him? To us? “You _need_ me, so if you want Kieron, you better fucking tell me what’s going on. Do you hear me? Because he’s not going anywhere with you until-”

I didn’t see the perpetual move. One minute I was talking, standing my ground, the next I couldn’t breathe, the air ripped forcefully from my lungs. I didn’t know my world wavered until the pain rolled over me, and suddenly I was on my knees, gasping and groaning. Kieron’s arms were warm around me, and he was saying something, though I couldn’t process the words at the moment. I couldn’t catch my breath. I tasted something in the back of my throat, something metallic and-

“Terry? Look at me,” Kieron snapped, fingers warm on my cheek, tilting my head toward him. It took longer than it should have to focus my gaze, but finally I could see him clearly. There was this crease in his brow which was oddly reminiscent of when he was _fading_.

“A-Are you… okay?” I asked, wheezing.

_Why can’t I breathe?_

“Are you fucking _crazy?”_ Kieron snapped, but it wasn’t at me, but instead at the three still standing in the doorway. My gaze slid toward them. Arabeth’s lips were pursed, the only expression she showed. “Human, hey,” my perpetual said, and I looked back at him. “Hey, c’mon, breathe. Breathe with me. In, out, there you go.”

“W-What… hap… happened?”

“This asshole punctured your lung and broke a rib,” Kieron muttered, shooting a glare at one of the perpetuals with Arabeth, before those blue eyes slid back toward me, seemingly softening as they did so, but I was probably hallucinating. “But you’ll be fine, hold on, I’m fixing it.”

Slowly, so slowly, it became easier to breathe. I no longer tasted blood in the back of my throat, but my side still hurt. If I breathed in too deeply or moved even just a little, it hurt. The rib was still broken. Kieron’s hand settled over the aching spot only to be removed when he was suddenly pulled away. I sagged, unbalanced without his presence next to me as he’d been half holding me up, and caught myself and looked up to find him being dragged out of the doorway, those blue eyes focused on me.

“Ashere,” he said, “help him.”

“I will,” Ashere said quietly. “We’ll figure this out, Kieron.”

“Kieron, what-”

“You stay down,” Kieron hissed, glaring at me. “Your rib is still broken; it’ll heal eventually. _Stay down_.” Then he growled, looking at the perpetual holding onto his left arm, the other holding his right. “I’m coming _quietly_ , asshole; don’t fucking rush me.”

“Kieron, what’s going on?” I asked, attempting to get to my feet. Ashere kept me down, hands firm on my shoulders. “What’s happening? Why… Why are they doing this?” I glared at Ashere. “Why are you letting this happen?”

They were friends, and Ashere came here to warn him, right? So why was he just standing by, letting this happen? Why was he letting them take Kieron away?

Anger burned through me again. More intense this time, igniting in my veins and skin, and a growl emerged from my throat. Kieron’s gaze sharpened even as Arabeth watched me with that blank expression of hers.

“Knock him out,” she said. “He’s the aggressor; he’s trouble.”

“That’s not necessary,” Kieron said. “Human, knock it off.”

“Do it,” Arabeth said.

By this point I’d managed to push to my feet, still growling, a red haze over my mind. Their images blurred, their voices disappeared, and while they still spoke I heard nothing, barely even registered their lips moving. All I could see clearly was Kieron, his sharp blue eyes narrowed at me as he growled something, but I couldn’t hear or understand what. It was muffled; his was the only voice which even remotely came through, but it was too distorted to recognize right now. I took a step forward despite Ashere trying to hold me back. Trying and _failing_.

“ _Human_ ,” Kieron snapped, getting through that thickening haze in my mind. “Snap out of it or they’re going to hurt you, do you hear me?”

_Kieron. Hurt. Taking him away._

_No. Stop them._

The burning within me grew. The perpetual behind Kieron, on his left, staggered back a step, clutching at his head. Kieron snarled something else at me, but the fire only grew. The second clutched at their too, as the first dropped to the ground in a motionless heap. By this point Arabeth had taken a step back. Good. She needed to _leave_.

Everything blurred together after that. I was lost in this thick haze I couldn’t understand or control or break away from. Everything was white hot fire through my body, through my veins and skin and mind.

It didn’t stop until soft lips collided with my own, familiar fingers tangling in my hair, and that warm body pressed against my own. I staggered back a little before collapsing into that embrace, my mind slowly clearing, the burning dying down, and I managed to see and hear things again. Kieron pulled back from the kiss when I hissed in pain, my side aching sharply from that still-broken rib.

His eyes were darker and sharper than usual. Something happened.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Fuck you,” he snapped. “I’m fine. And I’m going to _stay_ fine, so knock it off.”

“Knock it…?”

I glanced behind him, then, at the two downed perpetuals and Arabeth, who was rubbing at her head, eyes narrowed as she looked at the two of us. Off to the side stood Ashere, groaning as he, too, rubbed at his head.

“D-Did I… Did I do that?” I asked, looking back at Kieron, who released my hair and moved back a little.

“Yes,” he said. “And you need to stop. I’m _fine_. Okay? I’m fine.”

“Y-Yeah… but they’re… they’re… what’s going on, Kieron?”

They were going to take him somewhere. Why? They said he was under arrest. What did that even _mean_? Could perpetuals get arrested? They didn’t have _jails_.

No, they had…

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “No, no, no, they’re not putting you in the Lake!”

“Human,” he hissed. “Knock it _off_. We’re in enough trouble as it is. And they won’t put in the Lake.”

“You don’t know that!”

“They _won’t_.”

I shook my head. I wasn’t willing to risk it. It was too dangerous. They’d put him in the Lake if he defied even one simple rule or command, really; now he was being _arrested_ , by an _Elder_. The punishment for perpetuals was the _Lake_.

 _No, no, no… I won’t let him go there, I **won’t**_.

He didn’t do anything wrong.

“Let me go,” Kieron said.

_Let… no. No!_

“No,” I whispered, shaking my head, fingers reaching out to clutch at the front of his shirt, everything still too present in the forefront of my mind. “ _No,_ Kieron, I-”

“I’ll be okay,” he said. “You’re making things worse like this, Terry. Let me go. I’ll be fine.”

“N-No, I-”

“Kieron. Now,” Arabeth said in a semi-sharp tone, which was saying a lot for her.

By now the other two perpetuals had gotten back on their feet, and despite their blank expressions from earlier, now they both looked equally pissed as they settled their gazes on me. Kieron rounded as they approached, giving into a low growl.

“Touch him and we’re going to have problems,” he snapped. “You already broke a rib. Learn human limitations before you try something stupid like that again. I’m _coming_.”

Ashere grabbed my shoulder. “He’ll be fine, Terry.”

“You don’t fucking _know_ that,” I said.

Even so, though, Kieron’s arms were grabbed again and he was led back out the doorway. I attempted to get to my feet again and go after him, but the pain in my side left me gasping and falling back into the previous position, Ashere’s hands heavy on my shoulders, keeping me down anyway.

“Stay down,” Kieron said. “I’ll be fine.”

And that was the last I saw of him before he disappeared out of the apartment, the door closing behind him.

 

Three days.

Three days since I last saw Kieron.

Three days since they took him away. Since they _arrested_ him.

Three days since my rib was broken.

The injury was healing, but slowly. Bones took a while to heal, and there was little one could do for broken ribs except attempt to remain still. I tried doing this, but couldn’t stay still for long while Kieron was out there somewhere, having who knew what done to him.

Where was he? Ashere said he didn’t know. He provided no answers about Kieron’s location. He also left me here a day ago, saying he would be back later, but never said when that would be. I didn’t miss his company, but I did hate being alone right now. Alone when Kieron was somewhere being _arrested_ for something he didn’t do. He didn’t do anything wrong; why did Arabeth think otherwise?

 _He said they won’t put him in the Lake_.

Of course he would say that to me, though. I’d been going out of control. I hurt those two perpetuals, and subsequently Arabeth and Ashere as well. Everyone but Kieron. They threatened to knock me out or hurt me further, since they didn’t know human limitations, and Kieron stopped me. Stopped me from hurting them further, from antagonizing them further, and kept me from further injury. Always looking out for me.

And what did I do in return?

I let them walk away with him.

I let him slip through my fingers so soon after getting him back. So soon after he almost _died_ on me. So soon after I almost lost him _forever_. I told myself I wouldn’t let him out of my sight again, and yet I let him walk away. I let him be led away, taken away. And now I had no idea where he was, if he was okay, being taken care of, resting, in pain… I didn’t know.

He had his part of the bond closed. Not _closed_ , like before, but more shielded. I couldn’t talk to him via mind link, but I knew the bond was still open. That quiet hum was ever-present in the back of my mind, the only thing keeping me remotely calm right now. The bond was still open, but he wasn’t answering me and wasn’t letting anything seep through the bond, pain or otherwise.

I’d know if he was put in the Lake, though. The bond would know. So I knew he had to be okay, somewhere, but that didn’t mean much. ‘Okay’ for perpetuals was basically the equivalent of ‘alive’ to humans. They were always okay as long as they weren’t dying to heal, or dying altogether. And even if they died to heal, they’d still be okay. They were _always_ okay.

Except they weren’t.

On the third day, after spending too much time alone and having cleaned the apartment three times already, I called my brother.

“They took him,” I said quietly as soon as he answered. “They took Kieron.”

“Took him?” Tommy repeated. “Where? What do you mean? Who?”

“Arabeth,” I said, swallowing back the betrayal. She helped saved Kieron; why would she do this to him? It made no _sense_. “She… She… I don’t know, but they _took him_ , Tommy, and I don’t… I don’t know where he is, or if… if…”

_He’s okay. He’s fine. He said he’d be fine. Ashere said he would be fine. He’s okay. Your skin isn’t itching or burning. He’s fine._

Maybe, or maybe he’d just gotten better at hiding everything from me.

“Who took him? Arabeth?”

“She… She had others with her,” I muttered. “They… Ashere came, said he had a warning for Kieron, said Arabeth found something she wasn’t happy about, and… and she showed up and said he was under _arrest_ and I don’t-”

“Under arrest?” Tommy echoed. “What the hell does that mean?”

“I don’t know!” I said, feeling that rising sense of dread and panic beginning to clog my throat again. I’d been able to push it back so far, telling myself it was okay, it had only been a few days, and I needed to focus on cleaning the apartment. But now everything was cleaned, Ashere wasn’t here, and I didn’t know what to _do_.

“Did he do something illegal?”

“No!” I said. “He was with me the whole time, Tommy. He was _dying_. You were there! I don’t… I don’t know what… I don’t know where he is.”

That was probably what was bothering me the most. The fact I had absolutely no idea where he was. He was okay, most likely, but he could still be a prisoner somewhere. He could still be chained up somewhere, waiting to be tossed into the Lake. Except he said that wouldn’t happen. He didn’t know, though. He didn’t know what he was being accused of. He didn’t know what was happening any more than _I_ did.

_No, no, no, don’t put him in the Lake._

Put him in the Lake where I’d never _see him again_. He’d be alive, but it would be so much _worse_ because he’d be eternally _suffering_.

With no hope of escape, or reprieve.

Bile rose in my throat. I swallowed down with this short, choked breath. “I don’t know what to do, Tommy,” I said quietly.

“I’ll be there soon,” Tommy said. “I’m leaving now.”

“Thank you,” I murmured.

I really didn’t want to be alone right now.

 

Tommy didn’t help me find any answers, but at least he distracted me for a while. We attempted to brainstorm, but he knew so little about Ethereal, and especially about perpetuals and their hierarchy and odd set of rules and the _Lake_ , so I spent most of my time attempting to explain things to him. It was exhausting, to be honest, but at the end of the day, he seemed to understand the severity of the situation a little better, and suggested I try to get Kieron to answer me with our ‘mystical mind link’. I told him I’d been _trying_ that for days now, with no luck, but he urged me to keep trying until I got an answer. Eventually, he told me, Kieron would get annoyed at my constant badgering and answer to just shut me up. I hoped he was right.

He left later that night to go back to Lacy and Amanda. Lacy hadn’t been able to sleep without him lately, because he went missing for a while. She was scared; someone had broken into her house with her daughter present, and they’d been forced to flee. From there things escalated, and she was confused and worried, and then her husband went missing. He told her it was because he was helping me get Kieron somewhere he could be helped, which wound up being this family doctor out in the country, where Kieron supposedly used to live, and they had bad cell reception. I wasn’t sure if she bought it, but she didn’t question it. Funny how much someone could believe in lies as long as it helped them get over something.

So he left, and I was alone again.

Alone in the apartment I’d tried so hard to convince Kieron it was his home, too.

Alone in the bed we shared, where it felt cold and empty.

Alone in my head, save for that quiet hum in the background.

_Kieron… please answer me. I need to know what’s happening. Are you okay? Kieron?_

And like always, he didn’t answer. I wasn’t sure if he could even hear me, if he knew I was trying to contact him, but I hoped he contacted me soon, either way. This wait was killing me, not knowing where he was, _how_ he was.

He was still healing, after all. And they still just took him away.

Threatened to use _force_ if necessary.

They’d broken my rib because I stood in the way. Because I tried to get them to explain why they wanted Kieron, and where they wanted to take him. Tommy had asked about it, and I told him the truth – I’d gotten smacked, Kieron was interrupted in the middle of healing me, and thus I was left with a very bruised and very sore side.

Thankfully, though, Tommy didn’t ask about it much, soon engrossed in my tale about perpetuals.

_Kieron, please… Answer me. Kieron!_

 

A week passed.

A _week_.

Ashere hadn’t come back yet. I didn’t want his company, but being alone like this was terrible. Wondering, waiting, hoping Kieron was okay, hoping he wasn’t in a cell somewhere, or chained up. He had yet to answer me when I tried to contact him. I tried every day with the same results. As the days dragged on, despair wound through me.

I got him back only to lose him again.

Life was cruel and unfair.

So, so unfair.

_Kieron…_

I’d cleaned the apartment a few more times now. You could eat off the floor if you wanted; it was spotless and shiny. I’d done the laundry so many times I no longer had spare change for the laundry machines across the apartment complex. I’d eaten so much ramen in the past week I couldn’t stomach much else.

I’d tried distracting myself several different ways, but nothing helped. Spending the day with Lacy, Tommy and Amanda didn’t help, either. Lacy asked where Kieron was, and why I was upset about something, and the excuse I gave her was that Kieron was MIA right now. They were looking for him, but weren’t sure how to find him. She gave me this tragic smile, gripped my shoulder and kissed my forehead, all the while telling me they’d find him.

I felt bad about lying to her, but bringing her into the truth didn’t seem like the best idea, either.

I stayed with them for a day, attempting to distract myself, but in the end it ultimately failed because at the end of the day, I was still crawling into a bed meant for two, and the apartment was silent and empty.

_Kieron, where are you? Are you okay?_

I wasn’t sure why I even bothered anymore. He never answered. But a part of me couldn’t _not_ try, not if there was even a bit of hope he might answer. That this time might be different, and he might respond and tell me where he was, what was happening…

I was in the middle of cleaning the bathtub for the third time when footsteps approached behind me. I stiffened at the sudden presence, and pushed to my feet, slowly turning. When my eyes met familiar blue ones, I hurried forward, launching at the warm body waiting for me.

“ _Kie_ ,” I whispered, swallowing thickly. “You’re here.”

“Human,” he responded, voice this familiar, low rumble. “Sorry it took so long.”

“W-What happened, Kieron?” I asked, pulling away enough to look him in the eye, but not far enough I had to let go, because I couldn’t do that just yet. The bond screamed with the need to be closer, and even if I wanted to let go, the bond didn’t. My fingers stayed eight around his wrist, the other hand wound around his neck, holding him to me.

“Got arrested.”

“Are you… You’re okay, right? They didn’t…”

_They didn’t hurt you, right? Say no._

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m okay. They just wanted to talk. A lot.”

“T-Talk?” I echoed, frowning. “So you’ve… been missing for a _week_ and all they wanted was to _talk_?”

“It’s a long story,” he sighed, before nodding out of the bathroom, toward the bed. “You should sit, Terry.”

_Oh, God, he’s making me sit down._

I had no idea what to think of that, but it couldn’t be good. The last time he told me to do that was when he was trying to explain the emotional emphasis to me, and that had been nerve-wracking as well, thinking I was unintentionally hurting him.

We moved into the bedroom. I sat heavily on the bed while he stood in front of me, still allowing my grip on his wrist, the one hold that remained.

“What happened, Kie?” I asked. “Where… Where did they take you?”

“The Lake,” he said, and then immediately held up a hand, shaking his head. “No, it’s not like you’re thinking. I had a room to myself; I slept in a bed. I had three meals a day. There were no chains. I was fine. They just wanted to talk.”

“About what?”

What required them to arrest him and take him to the Lake? For a week?

“The knife.”

“Knife?” I echoed. “What knife?”

“The… poisoned one.”

“O-Oh,” I said, swallowing as I looked him over. He was pale, but he’d been sick recently so that was to be expected. Despite everything, he didn’t look as tired as before, which meant he was feeling better, and healing better as well. “You’re okay, though, right? It’s not… n-not…”

_There’s not going to be a relapse, right?_

Ashere said no, Kieron would be fine, but what did he know? He thought Arabeth was just coming to talk to Kieron, but instead she came to _arrest_ him.

“I’m fine, human,” Kieron said with this quick, familiar scowl which instantly left me relaxing, releasing a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding.

“Then what about… the knife?”

“They thought I helped create it.”

“C-Create it?” I repeated, mostly for clarification that I even heard that correctly. “They… They know how the weapons are made?”

“Not yet,” Kieron said, shaking his head, “but they’re getting close. With the poisoned blade… there was… something odd about it.”

“Odd?”

“A… The poison was mixed with DNA.”

“DNA? W-What? How is that even-?”

“I don’t know,” he said tiredly. “But they found DNA in it. And it… mixed well with my body. My DNA. So Arabeth did some tests, and the DNA in the knife, used to _make_ that poison, is a match for my genetic code.”

“Your g-genetic…?”

So that was why Arabeth had him arrested. DNA was used to help create the poison, though I wasn’t sure how, and Kieron’s DNA was in it somewhere, mixed with it, and his body readily accepted the antidote because it was a reversed form of the poison. Or, at least, that was what I thought. It was never really my strong suit.

“They know I didn’t make it,” Kieron said, “but they think I might have helped whoever did. So they brought me in for questioning.”

“T-Then what happened?”

He was gone for a _week_ …

He was quiet for a moment, before he sighed and shook his head. “They did a Reading.”

“A R-Reading…? Why? What does…? Why?”

“They needed to make sure I didn’t have any memories of how that poison got made. They decided I was telling the truth, that I had no idea what they were talking about or what was going on, and said I could leave while they delved deeper into everything.” He shrugged, this lazy roll of his shoulder, so casual and familiar.

“But they’re… You’re good now, right? You’re not arrested anymore? They won’t take you back?”

“I’m good,” he said. “Once they decide you’re innocent, you’re innocent.”

I released a breath I hadn’t known I’d been holding, and relaxed, looking down at the ground as my shoulders slumped.

_Everything’s okay._

Somehow. Miraculously.

“They still want to talk to both of us at a later date,” he said, breaking the calm silence which had settled over us, causing me to glance back toward him.

“Hmm?”

“They know you’re the aggressor now.”

 _Fuck_.

“And they want to see us.”


	41. Downtime

Chapter Forty-One: Downtime

 

_“Kie-Kie!”_

_My spine snapped rigid at the name as I turned slowly, glancing at the speaker. “Don’t call me that,” I said with a sigh, glancing at that pale blue face, dark green eyes and that bright smile._

_Tika was an Etherian with pale blue, smooth skin despite the fact it looked somewhat scaly on his arms. His hands were naturally clawed with webbing between his fingers, his legs more that of an animal than human, curved like a dog’s hind legs. He wasn’t fond of the comparison any more than I was fond of being called a ‘puppy’ or dog-like in my sense of smell or my ears._

_A half a century later and I still couldn’t quite control it._

_“But it’s adorable, Kie-Kie,” Tika said with a laugh, draping himself over my shoulders, grinning at me from ear to ear. I wasn’t used to all the laughter, the smiling, the… **warmth**. It was… odd. So strange. _

**_He doesn’t know you, Kieron._ **

_This was true. He knew I was a perpetual, but not an animalistic one. I wondered if that would change his opinion of me. A part of me didn’t care; another part quietly hoped it didn’t._

_I’d been alone for a long time. Companionship was hard to come by, especially for me. As soon as someone got wind that I was an **animalistic** perpetual, they changed their attitude toward me. _

_My parents still wouldn’t look me in the eye._

_Kleo did, but I hadn’t seen her in decades._

_And Bekkah…_

_She wasn’t particularly nice anymore. Not because I was animalistic, but because she had to lie. The very thing perpetuals weren’t supposed to do. It went against our very nature; we didn’t lie. What was the point? The truth was important. Withholding information was okay only in certain situations; she outright lied for me, as did Farrow. Without them I would have been drowning._

_But Tika knew none of this._

_I was just some perpetual he stumbled across asleep in the woods some months ago._

_“Hungry, Kie-Kie?”_

_I scowled, lightly shoving him away. “No. I’m fine. I need to be getting back to work, anyway.”_

_Despite the fact I was an animalistic perpetual, they gave me a lot of work to do. So far it consisted of traveling; learning the layout of Ethereal, memorizing scents, fighting screamers… that sort of thing. I didn’t really have a **job** , exactly, but I did have a lot of work._

_Running would have to wait. Just a little longer, I told myself._

_Tika hinted at going somewhere secluded. That would be nice. Away from everything, away from eyes which couldn’t and wouldn’t catch my own._

_“You’re not going anywhere until you eat,” Tika said, snagging my arm, dragging me toward the opening of his cabin. He had a nice little place, but I’d seen a lot of cabins and houses and everything. I was a lot older than I looked, after all. He’d asked about my age but I didn’t tell him. Why bother?_

_He shoved a bowl into my hands. I took a breath and picked up the offered spoon, proceeding to eat the soup._

 

“Who’s Tika?” I asked Kieron over breakfast a few days later. His gaze snapped toward my face, eyes narrowed in this quick, calculating look, before he shrugged and looked back at his food.

“Someone I used to know,” he said. “Centuries ago. Doesn’t matter.”

“You seemed pretty close,” I said, and if it came out bitter like bad coffee, I wouldn’t doubt it. I didn’t mean anything by it, honestly; I just couldn’t help how it came out. Immediately Kieron was scowling at me.

“We had a fling,” he said. “Nothing more, nothing less. He was a friend. He’s dead. Anything else?”

I took in a breath, looking away. “I really need to control this, Kieron. Is there any way…?”

“I don’t know,” he said, sighing. “I think you have to trick it.”

“You said that before,” I said, glancing at him as he pushed his food around on his plate. “What’s that mean?”

“Like… think of something else. Something that leaves you with a different reaction. I think. I don’t know for sure, human.”

I chewed on my lower lip. “Do you think that would work? Just thinking about something else?”

“Never hurts to try.”

He was right. I needed to learn to control this, among other things, and if tricking it might work, I would attempt to do so. In a way it had already worked, I realized. When Kieron had been dying, I’d been so focused on that I didn’t have time to worry about being the aggressor or what it meant. I even let Ashere around him without growling, for the most part. It didn’t really bother me, because I shoved it aside in lieu of worrying about him.

Perhaps tricking it worked like that.

It was worth a shot.

“What do you wanna do today, Kieron?” I asked, pushing my empty plate away as I got to my feet.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, we don’t know when the Elders are, er… going to call us to them, so we might as well relax a little.” I took a breath. “We could both use some downtime.”

This was very true. Kieron rested for a few days before he was arrested, but I had no idea how restful his stay at the Lake had been, or if he was lying about what happened. I doubted it, though; he didn’t lie. It wasn’t in his nature. I saw it in his memories, and heard it for myself. He’d never lied to me. Even so, it must have been stressful, being arrested and staying so close to the Lake, the very thing he hated, wondering if he was going to be tossed in if they found him guilty.

I shuddered at the thought, a growl rising in my throat.

_No. C’mon. You can do this._

I released a slow breath, bringing up images of worrying about him. It drowned out the anger.

Except now it just made me want him to rest even more, and I knew he would argue with me in that regard. He’d rested enough, he said. He didn’t want to sleep anymore.

“So what do you want to do today?” I asked. “And don’t say ‘the same thing we do every day’.”

His head cocked to the side in that adorable manner. “Why the hell would I say that?”

“It’s a quote from…” At his blank expression, I sighed, shaking my head. “Never mind. So what shall we do today, Kieron?”

“I don’t know, human.”

I sighed. “Well, we can’t just sit around here all day.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s what we always do, and…”

_And I want to do something special._

Something to take our minds off anything Elder related. Take our minds off the fact he was _arrested_ , and the Elders now knew I was the aggressor. They’d test it, as Kieron once told me. But if they tried to put him in the Lake…

I wouldn’t let them.

“Look, let’s just… do something different today,” I said.

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. Um…”

I thought about the sights around town. There wasn’t much, since this town was fairly small compared to the other town I used to live in, before this whole mess with Ethereal started. We didn’t have much, just a movie theater, but I didn’t feel like watching anything right now. Plus I had no idea what was even playing.

_What’s something we could do…_

“We could, uh…”

What could we do?

_Fuck. It shouldn’t be this hard to think of something **normal** to do._

But we rarely had real, actual downtime. We were always doing something, or he was in Ethereal, and then when he got back we just stayed home. Home sounded nice, but I didn’t know what to do here, either.

Kieron chuckled, breaking me out of my thoughts to find him watching me. “Human, we don’t have to do anything.”

“I know, but…”

What to do…

The phone rang, then, startling me out of my thoughts. I plucked the phone from the cradle, pressing the green ‘talk’ button before bringing it to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Terry,” Tommy said. “How are you and Kieron?”

I’d told Tommy Kieron was home. I’d called him after Kieron went to sleep last night, still too amped up to sleep myself, after worrying about him for a week straight. Worrying for a week after I’d already been worried before. This was why we needed downtime; something always happened, and we needed a break occasionally.

“We’re good,” I said. “How are you guys?”

“Great,” Tommy said. “We’re taking Amanda to the hotel’s indoor pool, if you want to come with us. Everyone could use a break, right?”

He understood, at least.

I smiled. “Sure,” I told him, “that sounds great! We’ll be there in a few.”

We hung up and I looked at Kieron, grinning.

Apprehension crossed his face. “What?”

“How do you feel about swimming?”

 

Kieron looked good in red swimming trunks. It clashed a little with his blue hair, but I was the only one who could see that, and it didn’t clash that much. It wasn’t the trunks I was really looking at, though.

“Well,” Lacy said, grinning at me, “he certainly has a nice body.”

I laughed, nodding. “Yes, yes he does.”

She and I were in the pool with Amanda, Lacy holding her up. Amanda was wearing her little floaties which went on her arms. Next to Lacy floated a small raft, but I doubted Lacy was going to let go of her any time soon.

Amanda liked the water so far. She kept splashing and giggling in that adorable coo of hers.

Kieron, meanwhile, had yet to get in the water. I tossed him a glance. He sat just outside the pool in one of those plastic chairs. Tommy went to get towels since they accidentally forgot to bring any down.

“You’re gonna get hot,” I told my perpetual.

Kieron shrugged. “I’ll live.”

I tossed him a scowl. “Come in the water.”

“Don’t do water.”

“How…? What does that even…? Get in the water,” I said. “Or are you afraid? Hmm? Does Kie-Kie not know how to swim?”

“I know how to swim,” he said.

“Prove it.”

He sighed, got to his feet, walked over to the deep end, and stepped over the edge, entering with a splash. His head popped up a second later as he scowled at me.

“Better?”

I laughed, moving toward him. “Mm, yes, much better,” I said, stopping in front of him. “You look good, by the way.”

His scowl deepened. “I will smack you.”

“No you won’t,” I told him. “It’s not so bad, right?”

He sighed. “I could think of worse things to do.”

“Exactly, so enjoy yourself, grumpy.”

He needed to enjoy himself every once in a while. If he didn’t take time to relax, he’d burn himself out and collapse anyway. I knew he’d been resting lately, but there was a difference between relaxing and resting, and I knew at the Lake he hadn’t had a chance to relax. It had probably been nerve-wracking, staying so close to the Lake, waiting to be judged yet again after he’d already been judged when he was younger.

Water suddenly splashed into my face, leaving me spluttered as I stared at my perpetual.

“Knock it off,” he said.

“Did you just…? Oh, it’s so _on_ right now,” I said, lunging toward him.

His eyes widened a little as I easily knocked him over, since the pool got to six feet here, and we both went under water. A moment later we surfaced, him glaring at me and me grinning.

“Payback,” I said.

“You’re so dead.”

His hand pushed down on my shoulder, shoving me under. I bobbed back up and scowled at him as I lunged for him again. He easily swam away from me, but my fingers curled around his ankle and tugged. Under he went, swimming toward me, snagging my own ankles and taking me down again.

This continued for several minutes. By the time we stopped we were both panting, unable to really catch our breath when we kept going underwater, and I looked at him, treading water.

“Truce?” I asked.

“Truce.”

 

We were exhausted when we returned home that night. Swimming could be very tiring, especially if it had been a while since I last swam. We both entered the bedroom before proceeding to the shower, each having the same idea in mind. Kieron stopped at the entrance, though, and let me enter. I glanced back at him.

“You’re showering with me,” I told him, snagging his wrist, tugging him into the bathroom.

“Human-”

“Nope,” I said, “not up for debate.”

He sighed and acquiesced, leaving me grinning as we both stripped. He turned the water on, got it the right temperature, and then switched it to the shower spray before stepping in. I stepped in behind him, closing the shower curtain behind us.

“Today wasn’t so bad, right?” I asked.

“It was fine,” Kieron said, reaching for the shampoo as the water slicked back his already damp hair. Once he was done with the shampoo he handed the bottle back to me, before sloshing the shampoo through his hair, scrubbing.

It was nice to shower after swimming, to get the chlorine off.

The shower didn’t last long, but we both felt a little better when we then crawled into bed. Kieron was asleep almost the minute his head hit the pillow, and I smirked down at him, reaching out to run my fingers through his hair, before I reached over and turned off the lamp next to the bed, slipping down next to him.

I fell asleep easily.

 

_Tika’s lips were soft._

_His bed was warm. His skin was colder than I was used to, but I had a naturally warmer core body temperature than most Etherians. He liked to snuggle at night, which was strange to me, especially when his cold foot shoved against my shin, but I eventually got used to it._

_The sex was good, I guess. I never really enjoyed sex, exactly; it was a lot harder to control myself when it was happening. If I messed up in any way, lost my train of thought for a **second** , I’d lose myself, grow those ears and ruin everything. Ruin what semblance of normal I was trying to obtain._

_He just assumed all perpetuals were like this._

_He was wrong, on so many levels._

**_He’ll leave when he finds out. He’ll hate you like everyone else._ **

**_I know._ **

_I knew this._

_And yet…_

_After one particular intimate evening, I lay in bed looking up at the ceiling as he panted next to me, fingers lightly tapping against my chest. Each tap of those fingers left a growl catching in my throat, my mind still too unfocused from the sex. Being that close to another living thing was terrible, in a way. I couldn’t control **it**. It wanted **more** , wanted to **kill** …_

**_I’m not a killer._ **

**_Kill! Kill him! He will hate you!_ **

_“Kieron,” Tika said sleepily, half-draped over me, smile evident in his slurred voice. “I love you.”_

 

“Did you love him?”

Kieron looked at me over breakfast, much as he had yesterday morning. “Hmm?”

“Tika,” I said. “Did you love him back?”

He scowled. “No. Perpetuals can’t-”

“Love, yeah, I know,” I said somewhat bitterly, shaking my head. “I meant do you think you could have? Did you… Did you like him like you do me?”

He watched me for a long moment. “Are you jealous of another dead guy?”

“Just answer me,” I snapped.

He sighed, shaking his head. “No,” he said.

I relaxed a little, but I was still tense. Tika said he loved Kieron. It shouldn’t have bothered me, because like Kieron said, he was dead and it was in the past. But Tika loved him, and Kieron might have loved him back.

It was back when he was more out of control, and showed more emotions.

He might have said it back.

He might have actually _said the words_ , but he wouldn’t with me.

“Human,” Kieron said, “why are you so angry? It’s in the past.”

“Because he loved you! And you…”

“What? I what?”

“Did you… D-Did you say it back?”

He watched me for a moment before shaking his head. “No, human. I didn’t. I didn’t love him. He was… nice. And fun. But short-lived, and I left after that.”

“Left?”

“I couldn’t say it back,” he told me, “so why stay?”

“I…”

There was a knock at the door then, leaving me stiffening at the sudden sound as it shattered the uneasy silence which had rolled over us. Sighing, I moved toward the door, ready to shout at whichever perpetual stood there because Kieron wasn’t going anywhere with them right now, but upon opening it I saw-

“ _You_ ,” I hissed, growling as John looked at me.

“Terry, I’m _sorry-_ ”

I slammed the door in his face, spinning away from it, hands clenching into tight fists at my sides, nails biting into skin. Anger sat hot and heavy in my stomach. Kieron’s hand landed on my shoulder, allowing me to calm somewhat.

Another knock at the door.

“Go away,” I muttered.

Kieron stepped away, opening the door. “Look, he doesn’t want to talk to you. You need to leave.”

“I’m _sorry_ ,” John said. “Please-”

“Go away,” I said, turning back toward the door, peering over Kieron’s shoulder at my ex-friend. “You’re not welcome here. Not after what you did! Leave!”

“Terry, we need to talk,” John said.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” I snapped. “Leave!”

“ _Please_ , Terry.”

“Go,” Kieron said. “Or I _will_ make you.”

John’s gaze shifted back to Kieron, eyes widening somewhat. “I don’t want to cause trouble, okay? I just… _please_.”

“Go away!” I hissed.

Kieron stepped into the doorway. John took a step back, watching him. My perpetual could be very intimidating when he wanted to be.

“Leave,” Kieron said in this deep, authoritative voice.

“I… I…”

Kieron stepped out of the apartment. John took another step back. “ _Leave_ ,” he said again.

John swallowed, looked over his shoulder at me, and then nodded and turned, walking away. A moment later I heard a car engine start and drive away, and I felt my tense muscles relax as Kieron stepped back into the apartment.

“He’s gone,” he told me.

I nodded. “Thanks for, um… Just… thanks.”

I couldn’t deal with John right now. I didn’t want to ever deal with him again, but I had a feeling he wouldn’t just stop.

I’d have to deal with it later.

Right now, though, I just wanted to be alone with Kieron. Our downtime would end soon.


	42. Fun

Chapter Forty-Two: Fun

 

John called a few more times. Usually he left a message because I’d grown wary of answering the phone because of his calls, but sometimes I forgot and answered, and immediately hang up when I realized it was him. Tommy now called, left a message, and I’d call him back. Or, if it was important, he could call, hang up, and then call back immediately. It was an odd system, and he didn’t understand why I was doing it, but I couldn’t explain to him about John. About John’s betrayal, and my subsequent torture.

He had enough to deal with right now, anyway. They’d finally gone back home, and were equipped with a few perpetuals around the block to keep an eye on them. The perpetuals, at first, were against it, but I told them that if they wanted me to remain on their side, they needed to keep my family safe, or I’d take my business elsewhere. Not to the Master, of course, but I’d leave the perpetuals. Maybe join the Etherians or something. I could convince them Kieron wasn’t a threat, right?

I was mostly lying through my teeth, though. I wouldn’t know where to go if I left the perpetuals. But if they wanted me to remain compliant, they’d do what I said. I tried not to abuse this power, but if they got in my way, made it harder to keep everyone I loved safe… then, yes, we were going to have some serious problems.

A week passed without any word from the Elders, for which I was grateful. I knew we’d have to deal with it soon enough, but I was happy we got to relax a little longer. Mostly we just stayed at the apartment, watching TV, or reading in Kieron’s case. I’d gotten him a few new books and disposed of that old one with all the disgust used for murderers.

Currently, we were in the car, driving away from the apartment. I hadn’t told Kieron where we were going, and had advised him not to look because it was a surprise. He scoffed, told me I wasn’t blindfolding him, and then pulled out his book. He’d read the whole way there, and said he wouldn’t peek. I trusted him; he liked reading and lying wasn’t his style, really. At least, not to me.

Even so, every so often I glanced over at him to make sure he wasn’t looking, but he just kept reading. I smirked at him, because he honestly didn’t look the bookish type. And then I frowned, because books were probably his only friends when he was younger, since everyone seemed to steer clear of him, or hated him in some way.

I focused back on the road as we drove out of town, and onto the highway. It would take a while to get to our destination, but it’d be worth it in the end, I hoped. I’d been planning this for days now. Keeping it a secret from Kieron proved rather difficult, especially since my thoughts traveled to him sometimes, but I’d successfully managed to do so. When I told him to get in the car this morning, he tossed me this confused look and asked where we were going, because we’d just eaten breakfast.

“It’s a surprise,” I’d told him, and after giving me a look for a minute, he shrugged and followed me to the car.

I wasn’t sure what he’d think of where we were going. I didn’t even know if he’d like it, but it was something to do, something I hadn’t done since I was a kid, and we needed to continue our downtime. So far we’d been semi-stressing over the Elders getting back to us any time now, about me being the aggressor, and hadn’t really been able to enjoy our week of peace. We’d mostly stayed at the apartment. Now, we were going to do something different. Something fun.

_I hope it’s fun._

Again, I had no idea if he’d like it, but it was worth a shot, right?

About half way there he glanced up from his book, tossing me a quick glance. “Where are we going, human?”

“You’ll see,” I told him, scowling at him. “No peeking, dammit.”

He rolled his eyes and went back to reading.

The drive was long, but worth it, I hoped. I would have invited Tommy, because I knew he’d like to go, but I wanted it to be just the two of us today. I loved my brother, but just because he saw Ethereal and saw Kieron almost die, and my perpetual saved him a few times, that didn’t mean the two liked each other. Tommy was more civil now, of course, but still accused Kieron of dragging me into something dangerous. Kieron, meanwhile, grew more irritated as Tommy’s accusations continued. So it was just easier to have this day for the two of us. Tommy and I could do this some other time.

Kieron kept his gaze on his book as we turned off the highway. I’d never been fond of driving on the interstate, especially when there were more than two lanes, but it was the fastest way to where we were going. Even so, I breathed an internal sigh of relief when we pulled off the exit ramp and onto a more slow-paced street.

Ten minutes later we arrived at our destination. We pulled into the parking lot, I told Kieron to keep his nose in his book, and then exited the car. As I came around to Kieron’s side to open his door – who said chivalry’s dead? – his gaze snapped up and he glanced at the brightly colored, neon sign lighting the way through the dark gray sky. It was supposed to rain on and off today. So far it was just gloomy. Soon it would be snowing; Christmas was only a month away, after all.

I’d have to go Christmas shopping. I hadn’t done that in a long time. I actually had someone to spend the holidays with now. How strange.

“Entertainment Center?” Kieron echoed the sign, tossing me a quick glance. “What is this, human?”

I smirked. “You’ll see,” I said. “I think you’ll like it.”

“Like what?”

I shook my head and grabbed his wrist as he tossed his book into his seat, closing the door behind him. Together we walked inside, dodging the lingering crowd. It was early on a weekday; kids were in school, parents at work. The crowd was minimal, but the part we wanted was usually pretty busy no matter what.

We walked through the large building before we came to a corridor with smoke billowing out of it. Kieron frowned, and I grinned at him.

“We’re playin’ laser tag,” I told him.

Tommy and I used to love to come here when we were little. Mom used to bring us up a few times a year, before she died. Dad never brought us here. For my sixteenth birthday Tommy drove us up here, but I think that was the last time we were here. Or, me, at least. He might have come with his college friends, or Lacy.

Everything was just as I remembered it, except a little upgraded. The dark lights were even more crazy; my socks never seemed so bright, nor did my shoelaces. As we pushed down the corridor, into the smoke, a guy stood there to greet us. I paid him some money and he waved us through the doorway, into a dimly lit room. Another guy stood there and gave us our gear – vests and an attached laser gun.

“Shoot the glowing thingies on their vests,” I told him. “You get points for it. If you let them shoot you there, you go inactive for a minute and they gain points. Easy enough, right?” I paused, then. “Have you, um… ever played before?”

What if he’d played laser tag before, and didn’t like it? Was I making a mistake?

Hesitation flowed through my mind. This seemed like a good idea until we were actually getting ready to do it.

“No,” he said. “I’ve never done this before. So I shoot you?”

“Yes,” I said. “It’s like this… scanner on the vests or something. I don’t know… I’ve never really thought about it. But it’s safe.”

He scowled. “I know that,” he said, rolling his eyes, the whites of them so bright with this lighting. “You wouldn’t suggest it if it wasn’t.”

I shrugged. “It’ll be fun,” I said.

There were other people in this room with us, waiting for their turn. The door behind them opened, and the previous group filed out, handing over their gear before leaving. The guy in charge then had us line up against a wall, where he started numbering us. I received a ‘three’ while Kieron received a ‘one’ because he stood behind me. There were three groups; red, blue, and yellow. Kieron was red. I was yellow.

Separate teams.

I honestly hadn’t thought about that.

Kieron didn’t seem bothered, though, easily wrapping his fingers around his laser gun. I wondered how adept he was with guns; did they even have them in Ethereal? I hadn’t ever seen one.

We didn’t speak as we were waved through the doorway, our vests on. Kieron had no trouble putting his on. A part of me was dismayed. Mom had to put mine on me the first time. It felt intimate; comfortable, reassuring, my mom always there to guide me. Safety. A part of me wanted to offer that to Kieron, in a way, but he was fine on his own. Like always.

We left the room and entered this dark area. Random cutouts stood around the room which was billowing with smoke, making it hard to see through the thick fog, random cover everywhere. I lost sight of Kieron almost immediately, and followed my group off to the left side. Staying together was key to survival, after all.

I heard alarms going off of people getting hit by the guns, and ducked behind a cutout piece of cover. Around the corner I could see a dark figure easily spinning around, firing seemingly at random, catching someone’s vest in the process, before turning on their heel to fire again off to the side, hitting someone else.

And then they moved toward my cover.

“Kie,” I said, smirking at him.

“It’s a little unfair,” he said. “I can smell them, and hear them.”

I hadn’t considered that.

“But it’s fun, right?”

He shrugged, and then pulled me back behind cover as I heard the sound of a laser gun shooting. No alarms went off, but he stepped around the corner and returned fire, easily catching his target. He was right – it was a little unfair.

“I should shoot you,” Kieron said, turning back toward me. We were in a dark, back corner of the room, surrounded with smoke and other pieces of cover, making it hard to see us unless someone knew we were here, or randomly stumbled across us in their own search for distant cover.

“Oh?” I asked, watching him. “Why’s that?”

“You’re the enemy,” he said, poking me in the chest. “Though, yellow’s not really your color.”

“I have a color, huh?”

He scowled. “No. Of course not.”

I laughed quietly, shaking my head. “If that’s the case, I should shoot you.”

“Are you saying red’s not my color?”

“Not sayin’ that at all,” I told him. “But you _are_ the enemy right now.”

“Then do something about it,” he said, taking a step toward me.

I blinked, pulse picking up pace a little. “Like what?”

“I don’t think your team is going to like you fraternizing with the enemy.”

“All’s fair in love and war, Kie-Kie.”

He scowled. “Don’t call me that.”

“It’s cute.”

“No, it’s the name of a little kid,” he said, scowl deepening. “I’m not a kid.”

_You never were a kid, were you?_

He’d never been _allowed_ to be a kid.

He poked me in the chest again. Even through the gear, I felt it. “Knock it off,” he said, waving his gun in front of me. “Or I’ll have to shoot you.”

“You won’t,” I said.

“Don’t try me, human.”

“You won’t shoot me, Kie-Kie. You love-”

My alarm went off. Kieron looked smug as he lowered his gun as I stared at him, spluttering.

“You…! You jerk!” I said, glaring at him, raising my own gun. “It’s so _on_ , Kie-Kie!”

He stepped back and brought his gun up, shooting me again. I growled and fired at him, but missed the vital mark as he easily sidestepped, putting those once-tired muscles to use. There was a smile on his face, faint and barely visible through the smoky air, but there nevertheless, and there was this light to his eyes I found myself enjoying even as I fired at him again.

I wasn’t sure if my aim got better, of it he let me hit him, but either way his alarm sounded and he stepped into me, easily holding me still as his lips caught mine.

And then the game didn’t matter anymore.

 

“Did you have fun?” I asked Kieron as we entered a restaurant later that evening, after a fun day of laser tag, arcade games, and a chilly game of putt-putt which he’d scowled at the whole time.

He shrugged as we got a table. “It was fine,” he said.

“Just fine?” I asked.

He scowled. “What do you want me to say, human?”

“Did you have fun? Yes or no,” I said. “Not that hard.”

He sighed, shaking his head. “Yes, it was… nice.”

“Nice?”

His expression flattened then, his gaze focusing on the table rather than on me as he picked up a menu. “I’m not the best judge of ‘fun’.”

I paused. Let that sink in. “Right,” I murmured, “sorry. I just… You liked it, right? You didn’t hate it?”

“No, human,” he said quietly, scanning over the menu, “I didn’t hate it.”

“Well, that’s good, I guess.”

The waitress approached, then, getting our drink orders while we looked over the menu a little longer. As she scurried away I picked up the second, forgotten menu.

A few minutes later we’d ordered, and sat there in the comfortable booth, near the window. Kieron liked being near windows. I wasn’t sure if he just liked seeing the scenery, or felt like he needed to see everyone around him in case of an attack, but either way, I didn’t mind always getting window seats. I liked the view.

“We can do this again sometime,” I told him. “If you want.”

He shrugged. “Maybe,” he said.

Which was basically a yes.

I grinned, happy he’d enjoyed himself. I’d certainly enjoyed it. Not just the nostalgia laser tag brought up, but the fact he’d enjoyed himself. I could still remember that look in his eyes, that half smile toying with his lips before he kissed me in that back corner.

“You know,” I said, smirking at him, “we should-”

Kieron stiffened, then, shooting a quick glance toward the window. If he were an animal, his hackles would be raised, his ears flat. As it was, though, his lips pulled back into a snarl, and he got to his feet, grabbing my arm, hauling me semi-roughly to my feet.

“Kieron, what-?”

“Screamers,” he said, leading the way out of the restaurant. “We need to leave. Now.”

“S-Screamers?” I echoed, swallowing. “Here? Now? Why?”

“Does it look like I know?”

“Kieron, won’t they just follow us?”

_Follow us back home…_

I wasn’t sure what I’d do if we couldn’t go back home. Being uprooted again didn’t seem fair.

“They’re not locked onto your scent,” he said. “The smoke masked it a little. They just know you’re in the area. You have a very strong scent.”

“Strong scent?” I repeated as we climbed into the car, him in the driver’s seat this time. I carefully put his book down on the floor by my feet. “Does that mean it’s a good scent, or do I smell like… like dirty laundry?”

His gaze snapped toward my face. “You’re going to do this now?”

“Right,” I sighed, shaking my head, “sorry. Where are we going?”

My boyfriend drove like a maniac. I didn’t realize why until I saw the vehicle following us. For a moment I couldn’t comprehend what I was seeing in the passenger mirror.

“Screamers can _drive_?”

“Apparently,” he muttered distastefully.

The car following us narrowly avoided disaster at an intersection, not quite making the turn in time, nearly smashing into the light post.

“They’re not very good at it,” Kieron commented.

“Kieron, where are we going?”

“Away,” he said. “We’ll lose them soon enough. They can’t smell you when you’re in the car; the car locks in your scent.”

_Locks in my scent._

So my whole car smelled like me. Great. And he wouldn’t tell me if that was good or not. What did humans smell like to them?

“We’ll take some back roads, lead them in the wrong direction,” Kieron said. “It’ll take longer to get home, but it’s safer.”

“I like safer,” I said. “Safer is good. Let’s do that.”

 

I wasn’t sure how far we went out of our way, but eventually Kieron said it was safe to turn back and head home. By the time we got home it was nearly four in the morning; we’d been driving for hours. It was already a two hour trip there, after all. And then we’d gone out of our way, had to backtrack that, and then head home.

By the time we pushed into the apartment, I was so tired my feet could barely carry me. Kieron led me into the bedroom and nodded toward the bed. I collapsed into the soft covers, wrapping my arms around my pillow as I buried my head in it. Kieron disappeared into the bathroom for a moment, before he returned and climbed in next to me.

“Sure it’s safe?” I asked him.

“As safe as it can be,” he said. “Besides, there are more perpetuals in the area. We should be fine.”

“Okay,” I said through a yawn. “I trust you. Night, Kieron.”

A pause, and then a tired sigh. “Night, Terry.”

I fell asleep with a smile on my face.


	43. Testing

Chapter Forty-Three: Testing

 

The summons came a few days later.

Bekkah came to get us, offering an apology for telling Arabeth about me being the aggressor, but in the end it had helped save Kieron’s life so I couldn’t be mad at her. She did it to save him, not to hurt him. And I wouldn’t let the Elders hurt him, or throw him in the goddamn Lake. If they tried… Well, I’d incinerated a screamer without realizing I’d done it; I could do it to them, too, if they tried to do something like that.

I hoped they knew that.

They were holding all of their meetings at the Lake at the moment, due to their old haven being overrun. I wasn’t sure if this was out of necessity, or because they wanted to throw Kieron in. Again, though, I wouldn’t let that happen.

It took less than a day to get there, and I told Tommy Kieron and I were going to Ethereal for a few days and we’d be back later. He said he would go with me, but I declined his offer because he didn’t need to be involved. And if things went bad, and they tried to throw Kieron in the Lake… well, he didn’t need to be caught in the crossfire.

We were currently at the cabin at the Lake, in the room we’d occupied previously. After having seen Kieron’s memories of this place, I knew it was his old room when he stayed here, back when he was a little kid, terrified of what was happening to him and wondering why people couldn’t look him in the eye. You wouldn’t know it to look at him, though; he acted as though it were a random room to which he had no connection, but I knew otherwise.

“So,” I said quietly as we sat on the bed. “When are they gonna…?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “They’re probably getting ready.”

“Getting ready?” I echoed. “What… What are they going to do?”

“I don’t know.”

“They won’t… They won’t put you in the Lake, right? You said… You said that was how they’d test it.”

He went quiet for a moment. “I don’t know,” he finally said, voice hushed.

I took in a slow breath, fingers clutching at the covers beneath me. “How else would they test it?”

“I don’t know.”

“Stop saying that,” I snapped.

He shot me a quick glance. “Then what do you want me to say, human? I don’t know what they’re going to do.”

“Then why are we here?” I muttered, shaking my head. “This is crazy! They’re not putting you in there. If they try, we’re leaving.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Like hell it isn’t!”

A throat cleared, then, causing us both to glance at the open door. Bekkah stood there, eying us, before she nodded out of the room. “They’re ready for you, Kieron.”

Kieron pushed to his feet even as I grabbed his wrist, keeping him from walking away.

“Why just Kieron?”

“Human,” Kieron said.

“No,” I said, “this is ridiculous! Why just Kieron?”

“They wish to speak to him alone,” she told me. “They’ll talk to you later.”

“This is how things are,” Kieron said, glancing at me, pulling his wrist free.

I took in a breath and nodded, even though I didn’t want to let him out of my sight. I had no idea what the Elders were planning, or why we were here, or how they’d test how I was the aggressor. It couldn’t be good. And now they wanted to see him alone. Why?

_Be careful._

Kieron disappeared from view and I sighed, watching the doorway where he once stood. A part of me was desperate to go after him; another part told me that wasn’t a good idea. Another part said I was only behaving like this because I almost lost him a few weeks ago. I didn’t like letting him out of my sight these days, even though I knew he needed his space.

He was always a more solitary person, after all. Being stuck in bed with me there all the time was probably troublesome in some ways, but I hoped it helped him a little, too. To know he wasn’t alone like he thought he was.

He was better now, though, but I couldn’t get those images out of my head. Or his words. _Let me go._ No, I couldn’t. He said it again when he was arrested. Same song, different verse. I couldn’t let go.

And now they wanted to see him alone, after he’d been arrested, and after they realized I was the aggressor. They wanted to test everything, according to Kieron. He said they’d test this particular aspect of the bond by throwing him in the Lake. In the beginning, he’d been very adamant about not letting them know, or doing anything which could tip them off, but now he seemed almost… _calm_. Calm about them knowing, about the fact he still might get thrown into the Lake despite everything.

It was like he was _okay_ with that, and I hated it.

He once said he’d never forgive me if I revealed myself to be the aggressor and made him go into the Lake. Now he readily left me alone in a room he once knew so well.

The knot in my stomach rolled. I swallowed back the bile.

_It’s okay. Everything will be okay._

 

Time passed. I wasn’t sure how much.

Hours. Days. I just sat there waiting, wondering, _worrying_. I was so sick of worrying about him. Not because I didn’t think he deserved to be worried about, but because it made me nauseous to be under this constant fear of him slipping away, figuratively or literally.

When he was dying, I worried about him.

When he was receiving the antidote, I worried about him.

When he came home, I worried about him.

When he was arrested, more worry.

And now this. And I still worried.

_I’m gonna have ulcers on top of ulcers from all this worrying._

The door creaked open quietly, barely catching my attention, but it was enough to make me glance over. Kieron entered the room, a small frown on his face as he padded across the floor, shutting the door behind him. I jumped to my feet, meeting him halfway.

“How was it?” I asked. “Did they do anything? What’d they say?”

“They want to talk to both of us tomorrow,” he said. “Together.”

I swallowed, frowning. “Okay,” I said quietly. “Why? Why not now?”

Why have him go in alone, only to have them suddenly request us both to visit them tomorrow? Why not today? Why have him go in alone at all? It made no sense.

He shook his head. “It’s complicated. I don’t know many details. We’ll discuss it tomorrow.” He paused, gaze shifting toward my own. “Are you hungry?”

I wanted to say I wasn’t, because I felt sick to my stomach at the moment from all of this constant worrying, but in the end I only nodded because he needed to eat too, and he wouldn’t unless I did. He was sneaky like that.

“I’ll fix something,” he said, moving back toward the door. “Be back in a few. Stay here.”

It wasn’t a command, but a request, so I nodded and sat back down as he exited the room. A part of me itched to chase after him, but another was content to stay put if that was what he wanted. Sighing, I glanced around at the books hidden off in the corner, in a small pile in the back of a small table, mostly unnoticed.

It looked like they had been there for a while. A thick layer of dust covered them. Knowing this was Kieron’s room made it more interesting. Intrigued, I plucked the first book off the pile, blowing the dust off. After coughing for a moment, the dust cleared and I pried open the cover.

It was written in some letters and characters I didn’t understand. I was vaguely reminded of before, when I found a book about the history of the perpetuals, and how it was one of the only ones written in English. The others were these odd symbols.

Etherians had their own language; I’d heard it once before, at a hotel near a city we stayed at once. Thinking about that hotel brought up other memories, though, and I swallowed down the growl which threatened to break free.

But Etherians had their own unique language of sorts; why use English at all, if they hated humans? It was something I’d wondered about before, but never brought up with Kieron. Perhaps I would soon, but it wasn’t important right now.

Kieron returned a few minutes later, anyway, carrying two plates of food. It smelled good, steam rising from the plates despite the odd greenish blue tint to the vegetable-like substance. I accepted the plate with a nod, poking at it with the offered fork.

“Miadi,” he said.

“Uh huh…”

He shrugged. “It’s a plant. Eat it.”

I stabbed a piece off with the fork and brought it to my lips, biting into it. It wasn’t as good as some of the other foods I’d tried, but it was okay. It wasn’t terrible, and he went through the trouble to cook it, so I smiled at him.

“It’s good,” I said. “Eat, Kie.”

He rolled his eyes, sat next to me on the bed, and popped a forkful past those soft lips.

We spent a few minutes eating in this comfortable silence, before Kieron took our empty plates to the kitchen and returned a moment later, joining me at the bed as he shrugged off his jacket and toed off his shoes.

“Get some sleep,” he said. “Long day tomorrow.”

It had been a long day already. It was late evening, and we’d been walking all day to get here. My legs were tired, my feet hurt a little, and my body did feel weighed down with exhaustion, but something about this place unsettled me enough that the thought of sleep didn’t seem very appealing.

Maybe I’d read for a while, pull a Kieron.

“Hey,” I said, “if Etherians have their own language, why do you usually use English?”

Kieron frowned at me. “What do you mean?”

“The books,” I said, nodding toward them. “They’re in this weird… alphabet or something. And when we… When we were at the hotel, this guy said something in some odd language I didn’t understand.”

He shrugged. “A lot of your languages derive from other languages, like Anglo-Saxon. English is a mixture of a lot of other cultures and languages. It seemed the easiest for a standard language, had words and phrases we didn’t, and just made it easier. We grow up learning English and Etherian.”

“So you speak Etherian?”

“I’m old,” he said. “What do you think?”

“Right, sorry, forgot you’re a wrinkly old man under that hot body.”

And then the tips of my ears reddened as he glanced at me.

“Think I’m hot, hmm?”

“Erm…”

He chuckled, laying down on the bed. I scooted back to give him some room. This bed wasn’t positioned like the one in the apartment, but rather had the long end against a wall, which meant Kieron would sleep on the outside and I’d sleep on the inside, even though if the bed were moved around with the headboard against the wall, Kieron would be in my usual side.

“Sleep, human,” he told me, turning off the bedside lamp. “Long day tomorrow.”

I sighed and lay down next to him, staring up at the ceiling through the darkness.

 

We woke late, but that was okay. An hour later we were in a large room surrounded by several Elders. I vaguely recognized some of them from where we went to that one place in that hidden area, where we first had a Reading done to us.

There wasn’t a long table behind which they sat this time. Instead they sat in comfortable looking chairs with a small coffee table in front of the couch, where three of them sat. There were seven Elders in total, Dettere and Arabeth being two of them. Arabeth’s blank gaze, which landed on the two of us, left irritation charging through me. She betrayed us. She had Kieron arrested and told the other Elders about me being the aggressor. She was the reason we were here, whatever happened.

Dettere didn’t look quite as blank, but his expression was rather flat. He’d never been one to really show emotions, at least not since I’d met him. The most he showed was perhaps mild irritation when he realized I’d joined Kieron when he’d been stationed at the Lake so long ago.

It felt like forever ago. It had been only a few months, if that. Time flew, though, when Kieron was dying. Time flew when it mattered most.

“You lied about there not being an aggressor,” Dettere said, looking at Kieron.

Perpetuals hated lying. I growled, taking a step forward.

Kieron held out an arm, stopping me. “It was my choice,” he said, looking at Dettere.

“No,” I said, “it was mine.”

“It was _mine_ ,” Kieron said, tossing me a quick glance. “I didn’t think it was any of your business. My apologies. I’m still new to all of this.”

Dettere’s expression softened somewhat. “I understand this is new for you, Kieron, but we do not keep secrets. If you had not already been punished…”

“Wait, what?” I asked. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I looked at Kieron, who was carefully avoiding my eye. “Kie, what’s going on? You were punished? When? Why? What…?”

_They hurt him._

Anger. Burning. Igniting.

Kieron’s gaze snapped toward mine, eyes a little sharper in their color. “It was basic,” he said. “Nothing major. A minor infraction.”

“Minor infrac…? They hurt you!” I glared at the Elders. “You hurt him for not telling you about something that’s not your business!”

“You would do wise to keep your human in check, Kieron,” Arabeth said.

“No, fuck you,” I said, glaring at her. “What goes on between me and Kieron, my _bond-mate_ , is none of your goddamn business! So there’s an aggressor – big fucking deal!”

“Human,” Kieron said, hand landing on my shoulder. I shrugged him off, the anger still hot in my stomach.

“I’d advise against further interruptions on your human’s part,” Arabeth said.

“His _human_ is right here,” I snapped. “Don’t drag him into this. If you want to say something to me, then say it.”

I knew angering a room full of perpetuals, of _Elders_ no less, wasn’t a good idea, but at the moment I didn’t care. I wasn’t sure what they did to Kieron for lying about there not being an aggressor, but he’d been punished. They’d hurt him, and he didn’t tell me about it. He said nothing happened when he was arrested. He _lied_.

He lied to _me_.

“ _Human_ ,” Kieron hissed, fingers wrapping tightly around my wrist. “Knock it off.”

“You lied to me,” I murmured, glancing at him. His grip on my wrist tightened marginally. “You said they didn’t do anything. You _lied_ …”

“They didn’t do anything about _arresting_ me,” he said. “That was what you asked about.”

“They still hurt you! And you didn’t fucking _tell_ me…”

Dettere cleared his throat. “Now is not the time for this. Kieron, please step forward.”

Kieron sighed, released my wrist, and stepped toward the coffee table. Dettere and the other two on the couch stood as he approached, and I followed after him. Dettere’s gaze shot toward me.

“You stay,” he said.

I wasn’t sure why I stopped. Maybe because I wanted to get this over with, and I felt like I’d gotten Kieron in trouble enough as it was already. I needed to learn to keep my mouth shut. That never used to be a problem, not really, until being the aggressor became a part of me.

Now I just felt more angry and hostile. And they hurt Kieron, which wasn’t acceptable.

“Your wrists,” Dettere said.

“Are you sure…?” Kieron muttered under his breath, the last half of that sentence too quiet for me to hear. Dettere’s gaze hardened and Kieron sighed, holding out his wrists.

“Hold him,” Arabeth said.

Hold…?

I flinched, surprised, when I was grabbed from behind. I twisted but couldn’t get free. I shot a glance at Kieron to see his spine rigid and the flash of something gold waving in front of him as his wrists were caught by Dettere’s hands.

“K-Kieron,” I hissed. “No-”

 _What’s going on? Why are they_ -

The steam was blinding. Pain echoed through my own wrists as Kieron hissed and attempted to pull away. As he moved I saw chains around his wrists, tethering them together, biting deep into skin, red blood slipping around the golden chains and cuffs.

 _“Kieron_ ,” I hissed, lunging toward him, only to be yanked back by those arms around me.

“I’d keep yourself in check, human, if you don’t want things to escalate,” Arabeth said in that same bland tone she always used, locking those blank eyes on me.

“W-What…? What’s that mean? Let him go!”

“It’s okay,” Kieron said. “I’ll be fine.”

“Liar!” I snapped, shooting a glance at Dettere. “Why are you doing this? Let him go!”

Anger. Burning. Igniting.

_Stop them._

“ _Human_ ,” Kieron hissed, glaring at me. “ _Stop it_.”

The burning died down some, but was still present along my skin. “Let him go! He didn’t do anything wrong!”

Were they re-arresting him? Did they find something else to blame him for? He told me that once they found someone innocent, they stayed innocent of that crime. But he’d lied to me about being okay during his stay here; he could have been lying about that, too.

“If you endanger anyone in this room,” Arabeth said, “we will be forced to take more extreme measures.”

“More extreme…? What…? Let him go,” I said, shaking my head. “I’ll… I won’t do anything, just… why…?”

And why wasn’t Kieron struggling? He wasn’t trying to break free, other than when the pain initially hit him as those cuffs dug into his wrists. Currently, he wasn’t twisting his wrists, attacking someone, or even stepping away from them. Dettere’s hands held the chains to the cuffs, but Kieron could have knocked him away if he wanted to. So why was he letting this happen?

My perpetual was a _fighter_ ; so why wasn’t he fighting?

“Don’t do anything,” he said to me, gaze locking onto mine, and in that moment all I could see were his blue eyes, and all I could hear was his voice. “Okay, human? I’ll be fine. Don’t hurt anyone, don’t panic, don’t overreact.”

“Ov- _Overreact_?” I echoed. “Are you _crazy_? They’re-”

“Take him,” Arabeth said.

Dettere pulled at the chains, causing Kieron to stagger toward the doorway. I moved to go after them as my perpetual was beginning to be led out of the room, but was stopped by those arms around me.

“Kieron! Let go! Kie!”

Kieron disappeared from view.

“If you try anything,” Arabeth said, “we will take more extreme measures.”

“What does that even _mean_?” I hissed, glaring at her. “Where are you taking him? Why…? Why are you doing this?”

“If you want to see your perpetual again, I’d advise you to calm down.”

“S-See my…? What are you doing to him? Where are you taking him?” I snapped, struggling again, that burning reigniting.

_Where are they taking him… Kieron, where are you? Kie!_

He wasn’t answering.

Why would he not answer me in this situation?

_They hurt him. They’re doing something to him. He can’t respond. He’s hiding the pain of whatever it is._

All of these thoughts and more raced through my mind, leaving me breathless at the implications.

“You will never see him again if you do not calm down, human.”

“N-Never…?”

_Stop them._

“J-Just… bring him back,” I said quietly. “I’ll… I won’t say anything. I won’t argue about anything. I’ll be good. Just…”

_Just let me go. Bring him back in here._

The burning was beginning to overtake my mind.

“Your perpetual is being kept for interrogation and examination.”

“W-What? Why? What’s going on? You already arrested him and said he was innocent! Why are you…?”

_Why are you doing this?!_

Arabeth shook her head. “I do not have to answer to _you_ , human.”

“If you don’t tell me what’s going on and bring him back in here _right now_ , I won’t help you guys!”

“That argument doesn’t work anymore.”

The breath left my lungs. I swallowed down that lump in my throat, my pulse racing.

“He didn’t do anything wrong,” I said. “So just… just… let him go.”

“You are being a nuisance. We will keep you safe, but you seem a little too brave when your perpetual is around. So we have taken that away.”

“T-Taken…? Where did you take him?”

_Let me go! Kieron!_

I was surprised I hadn’t hurt anyone by now. The last time they tried to take him away, when he was being arrested, I downed two perpetuals, and gave Arabeth and Ashere bad headaches. Now, though, I was only being kept semi-calm because I was trying so hard to understand what was happening here, and because they were threatening Kieron if I did something.

And Kieron told me not to do anything.

Right before they dragged him out of the room.

_Kieron, answer me, you asshole! What’s going on? Kie? Kie!_

Still no answer.

Desperation momentarily clogged my throat. “Please,” I whispered. “Please, I’ll be good. Just… don’t hurt him. Okay? He… He didn’t do anything wrong.”

“It is too late for apologies and false promises,” Arabeth said, eying me.

“W-What do you mean?”

_It can’t be good._

“You are too brash when around your perpetual. We need you calm and sane, and not full of bravado and disobeying orders and back-talking everyone. You and Kieron will be kept separate.”

“Separate?” I repeated, staring at her, the implications dawning on me. “What…? No! You can’t do that!”

They were going to take him somewhere. Somewhere I’d never find him. Do something to him. And I’d never _find him_. I’d be kept safe, we’d still be bonded, but I wouldn’t _see him_. Or be close to him, or touch him, or-

_No. No!_

The burning was back, igniting anew. Raw fire down my suddenly sensitive skin, the nerves coming to life.

“Tell me where he is,” I snapped. The perpetual holding onto me hissed and released me. I didn’t have to look at him to see that his hands were burned, and probably his arms, too. My skin wasn’t literally on fire, so I wasn’t sure how that happened, but there was fire under my skin, running through my veins, growing larger with every beat of my heart, every second they didn’t tell me where he was, every second they said I wouldn’t _see him again_.

Arabeth watched me for a moment.

_She doesn’t care. She never has._

_Find Kieron._

_Make them tell you where he is._

And then I lost myself to the burning all over again.

 

Warm lips trailed down my bare chest before traveling back up, teeth nibbling and biting at the soft flesh of my neck, before soft lips met my own. I woke with a small gasp as these sensations flooded me, and it took a second for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, but I’d know that body anywhere. That presence.

“Kieron,” I breathed, swallowing thickly. “You… What… Why…”

Why was he doing this? Oh, fuck, I wasn’t complaining. I loved it when he did stuff like this.

“Feeling better?” he asked.

“Was I not feeling okay?”

Come to think of it, I did have a headache. It wasn’t the worst, but it wasn’t mild, either. My body also felt weighed down, exhausted and heavy. Everything ached to varying degrees.

“What happened?”

“Give it a sec,” he told me. “You’ll remember.”

And then his mouth was against mine once more.

It was hard to think when he was doing stuff like this, but the memories did slowly returned. We were at the Lake, having been called here by the Elder to discuss the fact I was the aggressor. Then things escalated when they cuffed Kieron and-

“Are you okay?” I asked around his soft, pliable mouth.

Irritation held firm in his voice. “I’m fine. Stop worrying about me all the time, dammit.”

“What happened?” I asked as he pulled away, sitting so he was straddling my waist. The room was dimly lit, the only light being that of a flickering candle across the room, but I could just make out his narrowed eyes.

“It was a test,” he said.

“A… A _test_? They took you away in cuffs, Kieron!”

“They didn’t mean it.”

I sat up, scrubbing a hand across my face. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean? They… They said I’d never see you again,” I breathed, swallowing as I closed my eyes, remembering those words far too clearly.

Kieron was quiet for a moment. “Oh,” he finally murmured. “That was… uncalled for.”

“So how could they not _mean it_?”

“It was a test,” he said again. “To confirm that you’re the aggressor. It was either that or the Lake, but this seemed easier.”

“E-Easier?” My eyes opened as I glared at him. “How the _fuck_ is this _easier_?”

“Yes,” he said slowly, watching me, easily holding my gaze, “ _easier_ , because they knew you’d eventually lose control, and the only way to keep you from hurting someone was to have me snap you out of it.”

“S-Snap me out of it? How?”

He sighed. “You like more intimate means. I kissed you.”

“They said I’d never see you again! They said they were going to keep us _separated_!”

“I know,” he murmured. “That wasn’t right. I… I didn’t know they were going to do that.”

Betrayal. Burning my throat. “You _knew_? You _knew_ they were going to _do this_?”

Was that why he let himself be led away, and didn’t struggle very much with the cuffs?

_He let this happen. He doesn’t care._

_Oh, God._

Bile rose in my throat as I angrily shoved him away from me, sitting up a little more as I tossed my legs over the side of the bed. “You _knew_ … and you didn’t _tell me_ …”

Just like he didn’t tell me about him being punished when he was arrested.

Just like he didn’t tell me a lot of things.

“Human… if I had told you, it wouldn’t have worked. I’m… sorry you had to go through that, but it was either that or the Lake. Our rules are very clear.”

“Fuck the rules!” I snapped, shooting him a glare. “And fuck you! You’re my goddamn _boyfriend_ , you don’t keep things from me! You especially don’t let me think you’re-!”

I took in a breath, attempting to reign in the control of my emotions as I swallowed and looked away.

“Think what, human?” he asked.

“Fuck you,” I muttered. “ _Fuck you_.”

I pushed to my feet, intent on leaving. I wasn’t sure where, but I had to get away from him right now. Get away before I said or did something I’d regret. I knew he had his reasons for doing what he did. He also wasn’t that great with emotions, and was trained to never disobey the Elders. In a way, it made sense for him to not tell me about any of this. And yet it _hurt_ , because he was my _boyfriend_ , my _bond-mate_ , and he let me think…

His fingers curled around my wrist. The grip wasn’t tight, but was enough to leave me stopping in my march toward the door.

“Terry,” he said quietly. “Look at me.”

“Fuck you! Just… Just leave me alone!”

He sighed. “I was in no real danger. I couldn’t tell you because it’s the way things are. If you knew, you wouldn’t have responded correctly, and they would have had to resort to the Lake anyway. Okay? Is that what you want to hear?”

“Why the fuck would I want to hear any of that?” I snapped, rounding on him, yanking free of his grasp. “I can’t believe you did this!”

_I thought you cared…_

Cared about me more than the stupid _rules_.

Silly me.

“Human-”

“Fuck you, Kieron!” I spun on my heel and stomped toward the door again.

“Terry-”

“Leave me the fuck alo-”

“I’m sorry,” he snapped.

I stopped, then, hand hovering over the doorknob.

_Did he just…?_

“I’m _sorry_ ,” he repeated. “Okay? I’m sorry.”

Kieron apologized.

He _never_ did that.

I took in a breath and turned to face him. He was closer to me than I thought.

He sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I don’t know what you want from me. I thought you’d be happy it wasn’t the Lake.”

“I am,” I said quietly. “I’m happy it wasn’t the Lake, Kieron, but… but you… you can’t just let me think…”

“Think what?”

“Think I was never going to see you again,” I snapped. “Think they were going to _hurt_ you.”

“Human…”

I shook my head. “I know you have this sense of duty to them, or whatever, and it’s how you were raised and it’s been ingrained in your skull to never disobey them, but, Kieron… you have to know they’re not always _right_.”

A small frown crossed his face, barely visible in the flickering light of the candle. The _green_ light of the candle, because for some reason, the fire in Ethereal was this greenish blue color. Something to do with their atmosphere, Kieron once explained, and the slightly different type of things they had here.

“Just… _fuck_ … never do that again, okay? _Tell me_ from now on. We… We can’t be keeping secrets from each other.”

He watched me for a long moment, before he shrugged and nodded. “Okay.”

“O… Okay?” I repeated. “Just like that? Okay?”

He shrugged again. “If I can tell you without it jeopardizing someone, I’ll tell you.”

_Well… close enough… right?_

I was still angry, but he probably really didn’t know any better. He’d been raised to never disobey, and always follow the rules. If they told him not to tell me or let me know in any way… to do as they said… then of course that was what he was going to do. It didn’t mean he didn’t _want_ to tell me, or that it was his personal choice to not tell me, it was just what he’d been told to do.

I could forgive him.

I stepped toward him. His arms slid around me as I sighed into his shoulder. “So you’re not in trouble?”

“No,” he said. “They do want to talk to us again, though.”

My spine stiffened. “Why?”

_It can’t be good._

He sighed heavily. “There’s a ‘unique symbiotic relationship’ between us,” he said, clearly echoing someone else.

“W-What’s that mean?”

He was quiet for a moment, before his shoulders drooped somewhat. “You’re the aggressor,” he murmured almost reluctantly. “I’m the subgressor.”


	44. Subgressor

Chapter Forty-Four: Subgressor

 

_What the hell is a subgressor?_

Kieron said he didn’t know. They only told him it was a symbiotic relationship of some kind, and that he was the subgressor. They wanted to explain it to both of us, together, since I was a little ‘overprotective’ of Kieron. I didn’t think I was overprotective; I was just the right amount of protective, given the circumstances. He’d almost died on me, and he’d been arrested; I had a right to worry and want to keep him in sight, especially since I was the aggressor. And now, apparently, Kieron was the subgressor, whatever that meant.

He said he wouldn’t lie to me again, as long as it didn’t endanger anyone, so I gave him the benefit of a doubt that he was telling me the truth, that he really didn’t know what a subgressor was.

“It’s nothing bad, right?” I asked, staring down at the plate of breakfast Kieron brought me. We hadn’t spoken about it the rest of the night, and I even managed to get another hour or two of sleep before we woke up semi-early.

“I don’t know,” he replied.

“Gee, that’s really reassuring,” I muttered, pushing my food around on my plate. It was more of that miadi stuff, but with some kind of powder on top of it. It tasted a little better.

“I don’t _know_ ,” he said. “I don’t think it’s bad.”

I released a breath and nodded. “Guess we’ll find out, huh.”

“Eat your food.”

“Not hungry.”

“Didn’t ask if you were hungry.”

This conversation was so ridiculous I couldn’t help but chuckle as I glanced at him. “You know, you kind of act like a parent sometimes.”

He scowled. “I do not.”

“You kind of do, actually. Always making me eat.”

“Payback for making me _rest_.”

I nodded. “Touché, Kie-Kie.”

We ate in silence for a few minutes, before I sighed and decided to ask the question which had been on my mind for a while now, but neither of us brought it up.

“Did I hurt anyone?”

“They’re a little roasted but fine.”

“Why… How am I burning them?” I asked. “I mean… I don’t catch on fire, obviously.”

“I’m not sure,” he said. “I don’t know much about this. Your body temperature heats up or something. It’s not a fire you can see, but it’s there all the same. You can make the room hot, make people’s minds melt, that sort of thing.”

“Whoa, wait,” I said, staring at him, “what did you say? Make people’s minds _melt_?”

What did that even mean? _How_?

“You can heat up their insides just like their outsides,” he said. “If you don’t want them to suffer, but want them to die, you kill them from the inside. It’s quick. Like at the pizzeria – those things just dropped.”

“I… I hurt Tommy,” I said quietly, staring down at the ground, shame running through me, along with horror. “He… He’s okay, right? I mean… no long lasting effects?”

“It wears off,” he told me, taking my mostly empty plate from me as he got to his feet. “He’s fine. It takes longer for the physical burns to heal.”

“I don’t… I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“I know you don’t, but it’s a part of you now. It’s also tied to being the aggressor in some way.”

_Well, obviously._

The aggressor mean I was more protective of him, in a way. And this ‘power’ only activated if I thought he was in danger. Obviously it was connected to being the aggressor. Except, as the aggressor, if someone even said something to him the wrong way, or said something bad about him or in Ashere’s case, _looked_ at him, I became angry and growled. This ‘power’ was a more extreme version, but it was still out of control. I had no way of stopping it save for Kieron snapping me out of it.

Maybe that was what the subgressor was – someone who could snap me out of my out of control state before I killed anyone.

This whole thing gave me a headache, though.

Kieron left the room to dispose of the plates, before he returned a few minutes later, tossing my shoes at me. “Get dressed,” he said.

“Why?” I asked, eying him as he pulled his shirt over his head, discarding it in lieu of a new one from the duffel bag we’d brought with us.

He was regaining his weight, thankfully. I couldn’t see his ribs anymore, and those knife wounds were healing nicely. All that remained were thin white lines, a reminder of how close I came to losing him.

“They’re ready to talk to us.”

 

I wasn’t sure if things were so tense because they threatened to take Kieron away and I was still pissed at them, or because we didn’t know what they were going to say to us about Kieron being the subgressor. Either way, I couldn’t help but glare at each of them individually. Only three of the previous Elders were present. A part of me hoped the rest of them were healing; I hoped it hurt. They had no right to say anything like that to me, or to plan that ahead of time to get a reaction out of me. It was none of their business what went on between me and Kieron.

“Alright,” I said, watching them, “so what’s a subgressor, and why is it Kieron?”

_It’s not bad, right?_

Dettere watched the two of us for a moment. I felt more than a little uneasy under his steady, calculating gaze. “You are the aggressor. While not unheard of, it is fairly rare for there to be one in a bonded relationship, especially concerning a perpetual.”

“Yes,” I said, “I know.”

_Get to the parts I **don’t** know._

Dettere nodded. “In some very, very rare cases, when there is an aggressor, there can also be a subgressor. Only two recorded cases of this have ever been said to exist. Yours makes the third.”

Okay. So it was even rarer for there to be a subgressor than for me to be the aggressor. Made sense, in a way, since it was shocking I was even an aggressor in the first place.

“So what’s a subgressor?” I asked.

What was with perpetuals, and especially Elders, dancing around the subject? Why couldn’t they just come out and say it?

“Think of the aggressor as fire running through your body,” another perpetual said, one I didn’t know off the top of my head. “It’s tied into your current, heated power. Now think of the subgressor as a coolant running through your system, extinguishing the flames.”

“What’s that mean?”

“When you lose control, when Kieron is threatened, the aggressive part of your mind ignites with the sole focus of protecting Kieron. Anyone, and anything, that isn’t Kieron is immediately seen as a target, an enemy which must be dealt with,” Dettere said, dragging my attention back to him.

“The only way to snap you out of this trance, then, is for Kieron to intervene,” the third perpetual said.

I took in a breath. “Yeah, he can snap me out of it, big deal. What’s that have to do with him being the subgressor? What _is_ a subgressor?”

“A subgressor is like the aggressor in many ways, from what we’ve identified,” Dettere said. “Again, though, there aren’t many recorded cases of such a thing occurring, so we are going from what we can confirm. We have seen Kieron snap you out of your trance; we have seen the way only he can calm you. We have seen how your aggressive nature will stop at nothing until it deems your bond-mate as safe.”

I thought back on when I lost control, when Kieron was threatened. First at the pizzeria, then when I saw him motionless on the ground and that screamer got in my way. And finally when the Elders threatened to hide him away somewhere I’d never find him. Even just thinking back on these moments, a charge shot through my skin, igniting the nerves. Kieron’s hand, cool yet warm on my shoulder, left me releasing a heavy sigh as I unconsciously relaxed under the touch.

“Kieron, give us a moment, if you would?” Dettere asked.

Kieron’s hand fell away from my shoulder. I swallowed and glance at him to see him already leaving the room, rounding a corner.

“Kieron is naturally aggressive,” Dettere continued, causing me to glance at him again. “It’s in his blood; he can’t help it. A part of him will always seek out bloodshed and violence. However, ever since the two of you bonded, he’s less hostile and is much easier to get along with. We have all noticed it. At first we assumed you were merely a good influence on him, but it appears to be more than that.”

Had Kieron changed that much, that they would notice when they seemed to hardly ever see him or have much to do with him, according to the memories? When I first met Kieron, he was an asshole. Knowing him a little better now, I could almost see why he immediately hated me. A part of him must have known I could see him, so he stayed his hand when he should have killed me, as protocol dictated. Instead of killing me, he let me go and then found me later, at my apartment, where he asked if I could see him, becoming more agitated as time went on. From there began a rocky relationship, with him seemingly disgusted at my presence. At the time I just assumed he was an asshole, but now…

Close contact left his more animalistic nature taking hold a little easier. Something about me set off his urge to kill but he fought it, which left him at a constant war with himself. I wasn’t sure if he felt like that with all humans, if we smelled a certain way or something that left him half wanting to kill us, or if it was just me specifically. I could almost imagine how difficult it must have been for him when he realized we had to bond together, how he’d have someone forever attached to his mind when he’d grown used to the solitary life. He’d grown up protecting his mind and his secret, homicidal thoughts; until he had to bond with me, and that wall cracked a little. Was still cracking.

He was rude when we met. Hostile, yes. Animalistic, yes. Now, though…

He’d changed. It wasn’t a bad change. I liked it, but I could see it. He wasn’t as harsh, or violent, or searching for a fight. He seemed almost _calm_ , complacent. _Content_? Was my perpetual growing content with the life we had together so far? The life we could have together in the future, once this war and everything was finally over?

A part of me hoped so. Hoped he knew I wasn’t planning on letting him go anytime soon.

But, yes, he’d changed. He wasn’t as angry. He’d calmed down.

“So I’m a good influence,” I said, “big deal.”

Dettere shook his head. “It is more than that. A part of you gives him relief, eats away the darker thoughts and instincts in his mind, and thus he no longer has those urges, or those instincts to kill and fight all of the time.”

“You, as the aggressor, are more protective of him in a more primal, intimate nature,” the second perpetual said. “If someone says something wrong about him, or makes the wrong move toward him, you unconsciously react in the most primitive way you know – growling. It’s a guttural feeling you can’t control. For Kieron, it is the opposite. When you lose control, he has a similar reaction, except his reaction is to stop you and ease the situation.”

“In a way,” the third said, “when _you_ feel okay, he’ll feel okay. A subgressor is almost everything the aggressor isn’t, or is, at least, the opposite. You are quick to anger, and growl and lash out, while he now has this impulsive urge to calm you. You both experience the same lack of control at the same time, just in different ways.”

This was a lot to take in. I wasn’t sure I even understood it all, but from what I took away from it so far was that Kieron, as the subgressor, had this unconscious urge to keep me calm. When I was angry, or upset, he had a knee-gut reaction to diffuse the situation in a non-violent, _peaceful_ way. Meanwhile, when he was threatened in any way, my knee-gut reaction was to attack whatever and whoever was threatening him, be it friend or foe.

“So is it… good? That he’s the subgressor?” I asked.

“It isn’t bad,” Dettere said. “It is a symbiotic relationship between the two of you, and a very rare one at that. As the subgressor, he will unconsciously try to appease you. You, meanwhile, will unconsciously try to keep him safe, no matter the cost. He will calm you down, you will get fired up about small things.”

I released a slow breath. “So… so is that all?”

I hoped so. I wasn’t sure I could handle any more right now.

“We believe you were prophesized to be here for this reason.”

“W-What reason?”

Despite the fact it was apparently foretold that I was supposed to eventually come along and get involved in everything, no one told me what I was supposed to _do_ , or why I was even here. Something big was on the horizon, that was what I’d been told. Whenever a human arrived who could see them like I could, something bad was about to happen and they could help stop it in a way. I arrived, and now there were two wars raging in Ethereal.

And still I had no idea why I was _here_ or what I was supposed to _do_ …

“Your abilities are tied into your protective, aggressive status,” Dettere said. “When pushed to the limit and angered, and Kieron is threatened, you will react accordingly, and destroy whoever is in your path. This is why the Master wants you.”

“W-What?”

_Too much._

This was _too much_ …

“Why does he… Why’s he want me?”

_And why kill Kieron? What’s so important about bonding with me?_

“You are the key,” the third perpetual said.

“K-Key?”

_What key? What are you talking about?_

“The Master, Exrie, wishes to be in charge of Ethereal,” Dettere said slowly, as though I were a child needing special treatment. “To do this, he needs you.”

“Why?”

He could do that on his own, after all. I was just a normal human. Pathetic, really.

“Your abilities… We aren’t sure how great they are, or what you can accomplish. But from what we have seen so far, we know your powers are great. Out of control, but great.”

“If Exrie was to get his hands on you, and bond with you,” the second continued, “Exrie could use you to kill his enemies. All they would have to do is threaten him in some way, and your aggressive nature would take care of the rest.”

So that was why he was hunting me. That was why he wanted Kieron out of the way. That was why he wanted to bond with me. My powers were tied to my bond-mate, and protectiveness of him. If Exrie was my bond-mate, I would kill for him just like I did with Kieron.

According to these Elders, anyway.

I couldn’t see myself ever helping the Master.

Especially if it meant something terrible happening to Kieron…

“This does pose a problem,” Dettere said, snapping me from my thoughts.

_There’s more? Fuck._

I wasn’t sure how much more information I could take right now. They had been sitting on these answers and explanations for a while now, obviously. Not that they’d ever just come out and say it to us. No, had to do things the hard way…

I could see why Kieron wasn’t particularly fond of them.

“What kind of problem?” I asked quietly.

“The perpetual bound to you would essentially be the most important.”

“Most…? What?”

“He’s trying to say,” Kieron cut in somewhat bitterly from the sidelines, startling me as I turned to face him, “that whoever is bound to you would be in charge.”

“In ch-charge? What?”

_In charge of what?_

“You are correct, Kieron,” Dettere said with a small nod. “Essentially, with your abilities, you could easily take over Ethereal, and help make it a beautiful world again, untarnished by war. However, as your abilities are only tied to your bond-mate, and are to protect him, the occupation shifts.”

“Shifts?” I echoed stupidly, glancing at Kieron for clarification but he just kept looking at the ground.

_Goddamn it, Kie._

“The person who would be in charge,” the third said, “is not _you_ , but your perpetual.”

“Which is why Exrie wants to bond with you, and wants Kieron out of the picture,” the second said.

“Exrie wants to take over everything,” I said slowly, “and… what? I help him do that? Because of my powers, or whatever, being tied to who I’m bonded with?”

“Essentially,” Dettere said, “yes. Exrie would be in charge of Ethereal… with you at his side.”

My stomach churned. That was terrible, but it explained why I was so important. It explained why he kept hunting me down. He couldn’t take control of anything himself, but we bonded and someone threatened him or something, I’d lose control and get rid of that threat, ultimately giving him power over Ethereal.

“But… But I’m bonded to Kieron, not Exrie,” I said. “So… isn’t… wouldn’t… Would that make Kie…?”

“Essentially, as of this moment, because of you, Kieron is the most powerful perpetual in Ethereal.”

Kieron could be in charge of everything if he wanted. All he had to do was get one of these guys to threaten him, like before, and then not calm me down until I’d taken care of everyone, and he could rule Ethereal if this continued. Until I died, anyway.

“I’m human,” I said quietly. “If I hide… I’ll eventually die, and Exrie won’t…”

_He won’t hunt me anymore, and he won’t be so much of a threat._

“Actually,” the second said, “you won’t.”

“W-Won’t what?”

“As your symbiotic relationship grows, you will remain alive as long as Kieron does. If he dies, as Exrie intends, then you will start aging again. As it is now, though, you will most likely stop aging within the next few years.”

The breath left my lungs as though I’d been physically kicked in the stomach.

“W-What? I’m… I’m _immortal_?”


	45. John Returns

Chapter Forty-Five: John Returns

 

_I’m immortal._

Kind of. In a way. I would stay alive as long as Kieron was alive, and if he died, I would start aging again. This didn’t mean I couldn’t be killed, though. I still had a human immune system and human limitations – I just wouldn’t die from old age, and probably not from cancer since it was the decaying of the cells which usually caused it, which was why it happened with older people. Plus, Kieron could will my body to heal faster, so I probably didn’t have to worry about that. I could be killed, though, very easily.

I wasn’t sure what to think about all of this. A day ago we left the Lake and returned to the apartment, both of us too tired to do much of anything once we got home. We climbed into bed, and I woke before him the next morning, surprisingly. I sat in the kitchen, staring down at the empty table, thoughts running through my head.

Exrie wanted me because I could help him take over Ethereal, and that was his ultimate goal. He must have known beforehand that the person I was bonded to would be the one in charge, which begged the questions of how did he know? How did he know bonding with me was the key? Did he know I’d become the aggressor? Did he know I’d have this odd power which was tied into it? We’d asked the Elders, but they quickly became quiet and told us we should leave, because ‘the human is probably tired’.

I hoped they’d tell us everything sooner or later, but somehow I doubted it. They liked to keep us in the dark, which was ridiculous. They were right, though – I _was_ tired, tired of being there, tired from the information overload they sprung on me, and tired because _holy shit I’m immortal._

Just tired.

It had been a long few days with a lot of ups and downs, but finally we were back home. I decided neither of us were cooking today, and we would instead go out for breakfast and enjoy a bit of normalcy for a little while. Before the next call came to go to Ethereal. It never ended.

_But at least we’ll be together._

The Master had to kill Kieron to get control of Ethereal. I wouldn’t let that happen, and if he thought he could bond with if he managed to kill my perpetual… he was sorely mistaken. I would never bond with him. And if he somehow _made_ me bond with him, I definitely wouldn’t be the aggressor in that forced relationship. I would forever hate him. I would no longer have any power, and he’d have no leverage over the rest of Ethereal.

It all began and ended with Kieron.

I wasn’t aware Kieron was up until I heard the bathroom door close. A moment later the shower turned on. I took a breath, pushed to my feet, and went to join him. After the past few days, we both needed a shower, and it was just quicker and easier if we showered together. Besides – it couldn’t hurt to be close like this, right?

Kieron didn’t seem surprised when I slipped in behind him, closing the shower curtain in my wake. He instead focused on the hot water rushing down his body in small rivulets which traced the skin stretched over muscles and bones. His fingers combed neatly through his slicked back hair, before he reached for the shampoo bottle and stepped a little out of the spray, allowing the water to hit me instead. I took a step forward, into the warm spray, while Kieron slid the shampoo through his hair, turning to eye me briefly, before he handed me the shampoo.

We didn’t speak in the shower, but no words were needed. After his brief examination, he turned back around, cleaned the shampoo from his hair, and then reached for the soap while I rinsed out my own hair.

A few minutes later we were in the bedroom, tugging on clean clothes. Kieron didn’t have a lot of modesty. He used to throw his shirt off whenever he felt like it, when we first met. Lately he’d grown a little more shy about it, probably because he was sick for a while. No one liked being examined when they weren’t at their best, and he was no different. Now that he was better, though, and had regained his weight for the most part, his lack of modesty returned, and he didn’t even bother wrapping a towel around himself as he left the bathroom. The towel he did have, he ran through his damp hair, water droplets flinging everywhere.

I vaguely noted he needed a haircut. It took a while for his hair to grow, but it was definitely getting pretty long now, swooping down toward his shoulders and lower neck, in the back. The front was still short, but his bangs were starting to really hang over his eyes, which just triggered that knee-jerk reaction I had to brush them back, but I knew he wouldn’t appreciate it now that he was feeling better.

I needed a haircut, too. I liked having longer hair because Mom always liked it long. She’d run her fingers through it, tease me, ruffle the strands… So keeping it long was like I was still connected to her in some way. It was ridiculous, I knew, but I couldn’t help it. I missed her.

Even so, my hair had dipped down past my shoulders a few weeks ago. It didn’t grow very quickly, and facial hair was nearly non-existent in my family, which made shaving a breeze, but it also meant that, for the most part, it took forever for my hair to grow. If I cut it off, it wouldn’t be long for at least a few years.

I used to tie it into a ponytail, but lately I never saw a reason to do so. So much was happening; I didn’t have time to worry about it. Now that things had died down a little, though, I became a little self-conscious. I didn’t want it _too_ long, after all.

A shirt smacked me in the face. Instinct was all that let me catch it as it began to tumble toward the ground.

Kieron rolled his eyes at me as I shot him a glare. “Get dressed, human. I can hear your stomach growling.”

I shook my head. Come to think of it, it _was_ growling. Loudly. Even I could hear it. “We’re going to eat,” I told him. “So, you know, um…” I looked him over, then.

_Mmm…_

Completely naked Kieron.

What was I saying?

“Get dressed,” I said, forcing myself to look away as I tugged the shirt on over my head.

Kieron released this low chuckle, pulling on his clothes. I’m not ashamed to say I watched him the whole time. Because, you know, my boyfriend and everything. _Mine_. So why not watch?

“Are you done staring?” Kieron drawled when he was done dressing, holding his arms out. “See everything you need?”

I smirked. “Why, does it bother you?”

He shrugged. “Not really. It’s just kind of awkward, being stared at all the time.” He scowled, then, and I laughed because he looked _adorable_. With that shaggy, slightly curly hair still damp and a little tangled from the shower, and that obvious pout on his face. Perhaps it was a glare, or a scowl, but in my mind it was a pout. And it was cute.

“Aw, don’t worry, Kie-Kie,” I said, grinning, “nothing but positive feedback here.”

He rolled his eyes and led the way out of the bedroom. I chuckled and followed after him, toeing on my shoes near the doorway.

The phone rang on our way out. Kieron stopped and eyed me, nodding toward the phone, and I sighed and went to answer it.

“Hello?”

“Terry! You’re back?”

“Oh, Tommy, sorry,” I said, sighing. “I forgot to call you. We were tired when we got back last night.”

“You’re okay? Everything went okay?”

His concern was touching. Unneeded, but touching.

“It went fine,” I said. “I’m fine. We’re fine. We’re actually about to go eat. Can I call you back later? I’m starving.”

“Oh, okay, sure, that’s fine,” he told me. “I was just checking in.”

“Thanks,” I told him, smirking, “but we’re good. Talk to you later, Tommy.”

With that, I hung up and turned to face Kieron.

“ _Now_ can we go?”

He rolled his eyes and opened the apartment door. He went to the passenger side while I climbed into the driver’s seat and keyed the ignition. It was really getting cold out, Christmas roughly three weeks away. I still had no idea how to broach the topic of the holidays, or what I should do with him during that time. What if he hated them, and didn’t celebrate? Well, then it wouldn’t be any different than any other year, really. I’d be home without celebrating, save for a gift I got for Tommy, and by extension, Lacy. He’d get me something, too. Usually it was a gift card, or money, so I could get whatever I wanted.

Either way, at least I wasn’t alone this year.

We drove through town in silence, save for the radio playing quietly in the background. Christmas songs played through the speakers, and Kieron glanced up, scowling at the radio before he returned his gaze back out the passenger window.

“So,” I said slowly, “do you not like Christmas music?”

“It’s repetitive,” he said. “Same every year. For years now. It gets old.”

“How often have you…? Are you here during holiday seasons often?”

“Not really,” he said. “Occasionally I’ll hear it when I’m around. Some people play it when it’s not the holiday season. It’s been around for years.”

I took in a breath, driving through a green light. “So… how do you feel about Christmas?”

“A silly holiday honoring a supposed birthday of a supposed prophet who, in actuality, wasn’t born on Christmas, but during the summer.”

I scowled. “That’s the, uh… biblical sense, I think? I’m talking about the holiday itself, you know? Like… have you not celebrated Christmas?”

“Who would I have possibly celebrated with?”

He had me there.

“Well… now you have me,” I told him. “And I’m tired of being alone on Christmas, so… you’re kinda stuck with me this holiday season. Hope that’s okay.”

He sighed dramatically. “I suppose it could be worse.”

“Oh?”

“I could be stuck with the Elders.”

 

Breakfast was good, at a small diner not far from the apartment. Before too long we returned to the apartment and sat on the couch, turning the TV on while we digested. Kieron leaned back into the couch cushions, relaxing, and I had a feeling he’d be asleep soon. When he finally let himself relax, he slipped off to sleep easily, especially after eating. Food was like Nyquil to him sometimes. It was cute.

We watched TV for a while, before the phone rang. Probably Tommy, as I’d told him I’d call him back and yet I hadn’t yet. Kieron was sleeping on the couch, nestled into a corner, breaths deep and even, so I quietly eased away from him and toward the phone, taking the call into the bedroom and subsequently bathroom, to let him sleep.

“Hello?”

“Terry, don’t hang up.”

“Goddamn it, John, why do you keep fucking calling?” I snapped, irritation slipping through me. How many times had he called? Stopped by? _Ruined my life_?

“Terry, please-”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” I said. “Get it through your fucking head! Stop calling me!”

“ _Please-_ ”

“I don’t care what problems you have now, you knew what you were getting into. I tried to warn you, but you didn’t fucking listen to me, so don’t fucking come crying to me when everything goes to hell!”

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “I’m sorry, okay?”

“You let me get _tortured_ ,” I said quietly, swallowing at the memory of being strapped down to that table. It seemed so long ago now. “ _Tortured_ , John. And you didn’t let me go.”

“I left the door open,” he told me. “I figured Kieron was nearby.”

I paused, then. I’d wondered, briefly, why he’d left the door open. At the time I thought it was to be more cruel to me; freedom was just out of reach, but I couldn’t escape the straps holding me down onto the table. And then Kieron suddenly appeared at my side, freeing me.

“I don’t believe you,” I muttered.

“It’s true!” he said. “I couldn’t untie you, Terry, they’d know if I did!”

“You almost got Kieron captured!”

_And that’s unacceptable._

“I did what I could, Terry,” he practically begged, “you have to believe me!”

“Well, I don’t. Stop calling me, John.”

“Wait!”

I wasn’t sure why I stopped. Why my finger didn’t stab down on that ‘end’ button to disconnect the call, like I’d been intending. Maybe because he sounded desperate. Maybe because a part of me wanted to believe there was good in him, still, and that he _did_ leave the door open so Kieron could find me faster.

I should have known better by now, though, because he’d already fooled me once, and let me get _tortured_.

“Please,” he said, voice a little quieter when he realized I hadn’t hung up on him yet. “ _Please_ , Terry. Not for me, but for my family, okay? They… They’re innocent. You know them. _Please_.”

I took in a breath. He was right; I _did_ know them. I’d spent holidays at his place before. His mother made an awesome Thanksgiving dinner which reminded me of my own mom. His sister was a few years younger than him, and had a crush at me at one point. I remembered driving her and her first real boyfriend to the movies, because she failed her driving exam too many times and was too frustrated to try again. She became so flustered when driving with other people in the car, always feeling like they were watching her.

His dad was nice enough, too. He actually acknowledged his son was bi, and was okay with it. Unlike my dad.

So, yes, I knew they were innocent. They had nothing to do with any of this. I personally knew them; they were good people. No matter how much I hated John right now, I couldn’t just let something happen to his family if I could stop it. If I knowingly let them get killed, or tortured, then I was no better than John, or the screamers.

_I’m not a monster._

“Okay,” I said quietly, the word tasting like bad coffee in the back of my throat. “I… I’ll hear what you have to say. For your family.”

“Oh, thank you,” he said with what sounded like genuine relief, but after what happened last time I thought he was sincere, I had no way of knowing for sure. This could be another trap. “I can stop by-”

“No,” I said. He didn’t need to be anywhere near the apartment. Or Kieron. This might still be a trap. I just couldn’t let innocent people die if it _wasn’t_ a trap. “We’ll meet at a neutral location. If I see anything out of the ordinary, I’m walking away. If you try to stop me, or have someone attack again, I’m done with you. I won’t help you _at all_. And if something happens to Kieron… I’ll kill you, do you hear me?”

He was quiet for a moment. I hadn’t realized my voice had gotten so low, so _serious_. “O-Okay,” he finally said somewhat shakily. “Whatever you say, Terry. I won’t… I won’t try anything. We’ll meet wherever you say.”

I released a breath, closing my eyes. “Good. Meet me at the grocery store on Fifth Street in thirty minutes.”

 

Kieron was still asleep when I left. I didn’t wake him because he’d try to come with me, always the guardian, and I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t risk _him_. If this was a trap, if the screamers were waiting for me… they wouldn’t get Kieron.

The grocery store was surprisingly full. I hoped the crowd would deter John from calling in his screamer buddies, because it would cause too much of a scene and would be a lot of bloodshed. I liked to think that even he wouldn’t risk that many people, especially if his family was really in danger.

Finding John was easy enough. He wore a snow-like cap over his head, flattening his otherwise curly, shaggy dark hair which went down to his ears. His eyes brightened a little upon seeing me as he took a step toward me. I stopped a few feet away from him and held out a hand, causing him to stop as well.

“That’s far enough,” I said. “Now what did you want?”

“My family,” he told me. “They… They’ve got my family.”

“I told you they wouldn’t let them go. You can’t trust them.”

“I… I know, Terry, but what was I supposed to do?” he asked, shoulders drooping. “I can’t… I need to find them.” He paused, then, and took a breath. “Will you help me?”

“I already said I’d try,” I told him. “But only for your family. I don’t want you anywhere near me or Kieron.”

“Where is he, anyway?”

My eyes narrowed. “Why, your buddies waiting to get him?”

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “I didn’t bring anyone. They… They don’t know I’m here. They’re watching me a lot, and… I don’t know _why_. I don’t know why they want me, or why they won’t let my family go…”

I scrubbed a hand across my face. “I know. I’ll see what I can do and get back to you. Don’t call me, I’ll call you.”

“Wait,” he said as I started to turn away, itching to get away from him. I sighed and turned back toward him. “Aren’t you going to ask me questions? Or… Or anything?”

“I’ll ask around for information about your family,” I said. “That’s as good as I can do right now. Do you have something to tell me?”

He hesitated, gaze skittering away from mine as his shoulders drooped a little more. “They’re being kept somewhere in Ethereal. That’s all I know. I haven’t… I’ve only been there once. They let me see them, know they were alive, but… but they won’t let them go. I don’t remember much. They had me blindfolded on the way there, but it was in this large, underground area. It was dark, and damp, and… and Tess doesn’t have the best immune system, and Mom and Dad are getting old…”

Tess was his sister. She got sick a lot, because her immune system was shit. If she was being kept somewhere dark and wet, she could get ill quickly. Same with his parents. As they got older, their immune systems weakened. I could understand his rush to get them out of there.

“I’ll ask around,” I told him. “That’s all I can promise right now.” I took in a breath, scrubbing a hand across my face. “Give me a number to call you at.”

He nodded and pulled out a pen. “Do you have paper?”

I shook my head.

“Gimme your hand.”

I stiffened. “No.”

“I can write my number there.”

I didn’t want my hands anywhere near him. Even so I nodded and held out my left hand, ready to punch him with my right should he try anything. His fingers slid around my palm, twisting it this way and that.

“Wow,” he said softly, “it’s like it was never… like you never…”

“I know,” I said. It was like I was never tortured. “Kieron’s great at healing. Now get with the writing.”

“Right.” He sighed and scribbled out a phone number on my hand, before I pulled my hand away from him. “I… I’m sorry about everything, Terry.”

“Little late for that.”

“I… I didn’t know they were going to hurt you. They said… They said they were just going to capture you, to… to find Kieron.”

“So it was okay if they hurt _Kieron?_ ”

_Definitely wrong answer, John._

Already I could feel fire along my skin.

“I… I’m sorry, okay? But I didn’t know him.”

I shook my head. “I gotta go, John. Don’t call me anymore.”

“Terry, wait-”

“He said goodbye,” Kieron said suddenly, starting not only John, but me as well. I spun to find him standing behind me, hands in his jacket pockets as he watched the two of us.

“Kie,” I said quickly, moving toward him, “what are you doing here?”

_I left you at home for a reason, dammit._

He rolled his eyes, which left me relaxing. He must not have smelled any screamers in the area. “You talk loudly,” he said. “I heard you on the phone.”

“You… Did you follow me here? How long have you been here?”

“Long enough,” he replied, gaze sliding past me toward John. “We’re going now.”

“R-Right,” John said, still obviously intimidated by Kieron.

I sighed and grabbed Kieron’s wrist, leading him away from John and out of the grocery store.

“I’m sorry,” I said when we got into the car. He must have walked here. “I should have told you and… and brought you with me, but-”

“I’m not mad,” he said.

I nodded. “Right, um… okay. Again, though, sorry.”

I didn’t like it when he hid things from me, and yet I did the same to him.

“I just… it might have been a trap.”

“All the more reason not to go alone,” he said, gaze focused out the passenger window.

“Yeah, well… I…” I took a breath, shaking my head. “Did you walk here?”

“Jogged,” he said. “It’s not that far.”

_Right. Stamina and all that._

“Sorry,” I said.

“Why do you keep apologizing?”

“Because I… I don’t like you hiding things from me, and I did it to you anyway. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“Kieron-”

“You wanted to keep me safe,” he said quietly, finally glancing at me. I swallowed and nodded as we stopped at a red light, and gave him my full attention.

“Y-Yeah,” I said.

“So don’t apologize. But I’m not made of glass, Terry. You don’t have to protect me.”

“I… I know, Kie, I just… I-”

He stiffened, then, gaze sharpening a little. “Drive,” he snapped.

“W-What?”

“Drive, human. _Now_.”

I slammed my foot down on the gas pedal, speeding through a red light, causing a car to stop for me. Adrenaline raced through my system as Kieron remained rigid in his seat. “Screamers?” I asked.

_Was John really lying to me again?_

“Screamers,” Kieron confirmed. “They weren’t around before. They’re tracking…” He paused, then, and relaxed. “They’re tracking John, not you.”

I slowed down some. “W-What?”

_They’re hunting John down. He said he was being watched._

He’d get in trouble if they found out he’d been talking to me and Kieron. His family would get in trouble, too, if the screamers and the Master decided they no longer had any need of John, and by extension, them.

“We… We gotta turn around,” I said, tongue heavy in my mouth as I rounded a corner, doing a U-turn.

“Human,” Kieron said slowly, “what are you doing?”

“I can’t… I can’t just let him… Look, okay, I hate him, but his family is innocent.”

He was quiet for a moment as we sped back through town. “Fine,” he muttered, “but you’re staying in the car.”


	46. Incense and Time

Chapter Forty-Six: Incense and Time

 

The grocery store was full of people. It was why I’d picked it in the first place; wide, open spaces, a crowd full of witnesses should John try anything… Now, though, it was full of innocent people. Kieron assured me, though, that John had left the grocery store at roughly the same time we did, given that his scent was growing fainter. Even so, he made me stay in the car in the grocery store parking lot, and told me to lay down in the back so I wasn’t easily seen.

I wasn’t the one being hunted at the moment, after all. But why tempt fate?

I wanted to argue, but the look in his eyes told me any attempts to do so would have him driving the two of us out of here because he, personally, couldn’t care less about John. To him, John was the guy who turned me in, got me tortured, and nearly got Kieron captured. And he didn’t know anything about John’s family. I knew he was only doing this, attempting to save John, because I said it was the right thing to do, not for John but for his family.

And if I wanted his help… I had to stay in the car, and not draw attention to myself.

But that meant Kieron was out there alone, intervening between screamers and John. Screamers who could potentially have the perpetual-killing knife, or worse, have that poisoned knife. Immediately the breath left my lungs as I thought of this, but Kieron was already out of the car and out of sight before I could do or say anything.

_Oh, God…_

What if this was a trap? John knew I couldn’t, in good conscience, let anything happen to him if it meant something might happen to his family, people I’d known for years. Maybe this was all a ruse to draw Kieron out into the open…

 _No,_ I told myself, _too complicated_.

There was no way he could predict Kieron was in town, when I said Kieron wasn’t with me. He had no way to know Kieron would come after me, or that Kieron would force me to stay in the car and go after John himself. If this was a ruse, John would have to be psychic, and I knew he wasn’t.

That almost made this _worse_ , though, because Kieron would be getting in the way of what the screamers were after – John. They wouldn’t appreciate this, especially since they already hated Kieron.

_Kieron, be careful._

The burning along my skin was sudden and harsh, as was the quick bursts of pain. Gasping, I sat up despite what Kieron told me. He was in trouble. He was hurt. He-

 ** _I’m fine, human, stay where you are_**.

His voice, slipping into my mind and brushing against my own thoughts like a welcome, familiar friend, immediately calmed me, allowing me to breathe again. _What’s going on? Are you okay? Where_ -

Kieron rounded the corner, then, dragging a dazed John after him. A thin trail of blood ran down the side of John’s face from a cut on his head, but otherwise, he looked okay, just shocked. Kieron threw open the back driver’s side door and all but tossed John in, on top of me as he’d had me lay down in the back. Then my perpetual flung open the driver’s door, stabbed the key into the ignition, and sped out of the parking lot.

John sagged against the backseat. “W-What’s going on?”

“Are you okay?”

“F-Fine,” he breathed. “Kieron saved…”

“Kie, what’s going on? Are we being followed?”

“Yes,” my perpetual snapped. “Shut up.”

We took a sharp corner. None of us had seatbelts on, but Kieron had the ability to know when the turn was coming. Meanwhile, in the back, we toppled to the side, me falling over John, who smacked his head against the window with a sharp hiss, blood smearing in his wake from that cut already present.

I sat up correctly and looked out the back window. A dark red car was speeding toward us, slowly but surely gaining on us. It was a sports car; of course it would catch us. I didn’t have a ‘fast’ car, just one I could afford. They would eventually catch up with us, and we’d have to fight. Unless Kieron could lose them, but with them gaining on us… I wasn’t sure how that was going to be possible.

“Who are they?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” John replied. “I… I’ve never seen them before. I only… I only met with a few of those people.”

He probably didn’t even know they weren’t human. Okay, he probably knew _that_ much since he knew Kieron was a perpetual and from Ethereal, but he probably couldn’t see them for what they were, just like he couldn’t see Kieron like I could. They probably looked like normal people, with a fierceness about them. He didn’t see the discolored blood, the yellow eyes…

The teeth. The claws. _Screamers_.

He didn’t even know the half of the danger we were in.

Kieron took another sharp turn, speeding up while also dodging an oncoming car. I figured it was best not to look at the road; it’d only make me more anxious. I trusted Kieron to handle the car and speed us around and through traffic. If I watched, I’d panic, and there was nothing I could do about it.

Instead I looked at John. “Why are they after you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Is it because you snuck away from them?”

“I… I don’t know.”

I sighed, shaking my head. “Are you lying to me?”

“No! Why would I lie?”

_Why would you tell the truth?_

“Look, Terry, I just wanted help finding my family,” he said, eyes wide as he watched the approaching vehicle, gaze focused out the back window.

I had no way to know if he was lying or not, but since it seemed unlikely that he could have foreseen any of these events, I leaned toward believing him. Even though I didn’t like him. Hated him, in some ways.

A few more sharp turns which left me sliding across the backseat. I closed my eyes, attempting to imagine this as just a fun ride, and not a high-speed chase. If the cops got involved… things would only get worse. I hoped Kieron knew that, but at the moment, the police were really the least of our concerns. They would only arrest us; the screamers would probably kill us. Well, Kieron and John. They wanted me alive.

I wasn’t aware of slowing down, but suddenly we weren’t moving anymore.

I opened my eyes and looked around. We were in a dark back alley, behind and between several larger buildings in one of the nearby towns. Kieron put the car in park, turned off the engine, and turned to look at us.

“We lost them,” he said. “For now.”

I released a breath I’d unconsciously been holding, and nodded as I sank back into the cushions of the seat. “Thank God,” I said, looking at John. “You still don’t know why they’re after you?”

He shook his head. “No idea.”

“You’re not important,” Kieron said, eyes narrowing at John, “so why hunt you?”

“I… I don’t know,” John said slowly. “And that’s rude.”

“Deal with it,” I snapped. “We came back for your sorry ass.”

“Yeah, why… did you do that?”

“For your family,” I told him. “Not for you.”

“R-Right.”

I glanced at Kieron. “When can we go home? Can we?”

“Stay here overnight,” he said, shaking his head. “Just in case. We can go back in the morning.” His head nodded toward John. “What are we gonna do about him?”

I frowned, because I honestly didn’t know. I hadn’t thought this far ahead. “Erm…”

He couldn’t stay with us. I didn’t want him that close to us. However, I couldn’t just abandon him, either, not after I’d gone out of my way to save him.

“Can you get ahold of Ashere or Bekkah?”

“Probably,” he said. “But I’ll have to go get them.”

I shook my head. “Never mind.”

He didn’t need to be going anywhere alone. If that was the case, then all might as well go to Ethereal. Except there’d be a lot more screamers there, so it didn’t seem like the best idea.

We were running out of options.

“Would he be okay at a hotel room?”

“Not for long.” He paused, shrugging. “Unless he takes certain measures.”

“Like what?” John asked.

“How do you feel about candles and incense?”

 

Hiding his scent was going to be his key to survival while we figured out our next course of action. This also made me wonder if we were safe, since John wasn’t staying very far from us, at the closest hotel. Kieron told me there were already scent blocking factors around the apartment complex, masking my scent for at least a three mile radius, hence why screamers hadn’t really found us yet.

Something about the perpetuals surrounding us, doing something to mask our scent. He said he wasn’t entirely sure what they were using, or doing, but we couldn’t involve them with John. They already didn’t like proving that protection for _us_ ; John was a nobody to them.

With John situated at the hotel, though, Kieron and I returned home the next day, after having stayed the night out of town, sleeping in the car. I had a nagging feeling Kieron didn’t sleep, though.

It was late afternoon when we finally returned to the apartment. Kieron muttered something about sleep and slipped off into the bedroom while I sighed and opened the refrigerator, my tongue sticking to the roof of my mouth, and hunger gnawing at my stomach. Kieron had to be hungry, too, but I’d let him sleep for a while. I knew he stayed up all night to keep an eye on us. I appreciated it, of course, but he needed sleep, too.

Immortal or not, he still got tired. Especially after everything that had happened recently.

_So much has happened…_

It felt like forever ago that we first went to the Lake, or he told me about the emotional emphasis and how I could sometimes will him to do something, if I felt it strongly enough. It felt like forever ago that Lacy had her accident and was in the hospital. Forever ago that Kieron and Tommy met. Forever…

In reality it hadn’t been that long. A couple of months. Three at the most. I wasn’t sure anymore. Days blurred together, dragging on, or slipping away entirely too fast for me to realize time was moving at all. There was no way to consistently tell time these days.

Thanksgiving was a few days ago. I missed it because we were in Ethereal, at the Lake. I missed it because I didn’t even realize it was that time of year already. And I hoped Christmas wouldn’t slip away just as fast.

Christmas had to be special this year. I wasn’t alone anymore. I had Kieron with me, and I doubted he’d ever really gotten to celebrate holidays much in Ethereal, if they had them. And he certainly hadn’t really celebrated Christmas with anyone. So this year had to be special – for him.

First, though, we had to worry about staying safe, keeping away from screamers, and ultimately deciding what to do about the Master, and his plans for me and Kieron. Oh, and the fact I would apparently live forever now, as long as Kieron was alive. Which, I planned on keeping him alive for a very long time. Forever, if possible.

The idea scared me a little, though. Living forever. Even Kieron didn’t want to live forever, and he’d thought he was immortal so far. He still was, except for the fact a certain weapon could kill him. We were both immortal now, and yet also strangely mortal. He was immortal without that weapon being used against him; I was immortal if nothing out of the ordinary happened to me.

And yet… we could still be killed somewhat easily. Especially me.

Living forever, though…

Tommy would die. Amanda and Lacy would die. Everyone I knew would eventually die and I’d still be left alive. The curse of immortality. I’d have Kieron, though, but even that wasn’t very comforting. Of course I would love being with him, but I would miss my family. Kieron himself said it – _no one wants to live forever_.

_Worry about that later. Focus on surviving right now._

Right. I could do that.

I needed to stay focused or we might not even have a ‘forever’ to dwell on.

“We can stop it,” Kieron said, startling me as I looked at him from where I sat at the kitchen table. He yawned, standing in the doorway, looking too adorable with bed hair. I glanced at the clock and realized hours had passed with me trapped in my thoughts. I hadn’t even realized time passing me by yet again.

“What do you mean?” I asked. “Stop what?”

“The bond,” he said, shrugging. “No one wants to live forever.”

I shook my head. “Not discussing this right now, Kieron. There’s no way to stop the bond, anyway.”

At least, no way I was willing to accept. As far as I knew, the only way to stop a bond was to kill the unwanted party. And letting Kieron die wasn’t an option, not after I’d fought so hard to save him.

“Human, we’re going to have to discuss it at some point.”

“Kieron, not now.” I pushed to my feet and turned toward the fridge. “You should eat. What do you want?”

“Human.”

“I could order a pizza if you want.”

“Human.”

“Or I could fix-”

His fingers curled around my wrist, pulling it away from the refrigerator door. “Terry,” he said, pulling me away from the fridge as the door closed. “I know you’re bothered by this.”

I took in a slow breath. “It’s nothing, Kieron. We have… We have bigger things to worry about.”

“I know living forever isn’t what you want.”

“You don’t know that,” I said, shaking my head. “Hell, _I_ don’t even know that, okay? I just… I need to think about this, that’s all. We’ll… worry about it later. Okay?”

He watched me for a moment, blue eyes scanning over my face, his perfect, still somewhat sharp teeth biting faintly on his lower lip, before he shrugged and released me. “Pizza’s fine.”

I nodded and reached for the phone.

 

John lived through the night. A part of me had wondered about that.

But he was there when we arrived the next day. Kieron left the two of us alone while he scouted the area, and while I wanted to go with him, I knew he would be faster on his own. I just hoped the area was safe.

I sat on the unmade bed in John’s hotel room. If he slept, he didn’t look it. I knew what little sleep he must have gotten would have been restless if the destroyed bed was anything to go by.

“Did you eat?” I asked.

“No,” John said, shaking his head. “Can’t stomach anything right now. I just… fuck, Terry, I don’t know what to do.”

“I know,” I said quietly, watching him as he paced the length of the room, from the window to the door and back again while I watched him from the foot of the bed, my feet barely touching the floor.

“Why… Why are they even after me? Why…? Why involve me at all?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I was wondering the same thing. You shouldn’t have been on their radar; we haven’t talked in a while.”

How did they even know about John?

Know to use him to get to me, in a way? To get him to make me let my guard down so they could attack? How did they know?

Somewhat must have told them, but that meant there was a traitor somewhere, and I didn’t like thinking about that.

“Why hunt me down now?” John asked. “I don’t understand!”

His frustration made him walk faster, his steps heavy and uneven. “I don’t know,” I said again. “We’ll figure it out.”

“Will you?” he snapped, stopping to glare at me. “This is all your fault!”

“You’re angry,” I said, attempting to brush off the hurt of those words. “I understand. I’d be pissed too, okay? But it’s not me you’re mad at. It’s them.”

John glared at me for a moment longer, before his shoulders drooped and he gave into a slow, tired nod, gaze slipping toward the ground. “I don’t know what to do, Terry.”

“We’ll figure it out,” I told him. “We just need some time.”

“They might be… They might not _have_  time.”

They might be dead already. I knew it, he knew it. Kieron knew it.

“We have to have hope,” I said. “Or what’s the point?”

“How can you be so calm?”

“I’ve been wrapped up in this longer. You kind of grow used to it. It sucks, but… I’ve made it so far. And we’ll find them.”

“I hope you’re right, Terry,” John sighed, shaking his head. “I really do.” He paused, glancing at the door. “Where’s your boy-toy anyway?”

“His name’s Kieron,” I said, narrowing my eyes at him. “And don’t ever call him that again. He’s scouting around for _your_ protection.”

John looked at me, holding his hands up. “Whoa, hey, I didn’t mean anything by it. Sorry.”

I shook my head, looking away. “Sorry, I’m a little… testy, when it comes to him. Can’t control it.”

“Testy? More like you tried to bite my head off.”

“Yeah, well…”

“And what do you mean you can’t control it?”

“Side effect of the bond,” I said.

“Bond… Right. I heard them mention it a few times. Do you really have that kind of connection with him? It’s real?”

“As real as it gets.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“I love him,” I said, feeling a smile spread across my face as I said the words. “Of course I’m okay with it.”

“Love, Terry?”

My eyes narrowed at him. “Problem with that?”

“No, of course not,” he said, shaking his head. “I just… I never thought you’d be the ‘love’ type.”

“Yeah, well, you don’t know me that well,” I muttered.

“I… I’m sorry. I don’t…. I don’t know what happened between us,” he said, approaching the bed, sitting next to me. I fought the urge to move away. There was only one person I really wanted sitting next to me right now, and it wasn’t him.

“I asked you to let me go,” I said, “and you walked away.”

“Terry. Can you really blame me? You agreed to be my… to be _mine_ for a week and after a few days, you say you have to go because… what? Kieron needs you? I didn’t know about your crazy, mystical bond,” he said, shaking his head. “How was I supposed to know you weren’t just making up an excuse to get out?”

“The fact I even said anything should have told you how serious I was,” I snapped, glaring at him, shifting away from him somewhat. “I put up with a lot of your shit, you know? You and Rufus. I might not have noticed it then, but I sure as hell can see it now. All I was to you guys was a good bottom. And when I asked you to let me go… _begged_ you to let me go…” I swallowed thickly against the wave of emotion attempting to clog my throat. “You shoved that gag back in my mouth and left me there, John. _That’s_ why stopped talking. _That’s_ what happened between us.”

With that I got to my feet and walked across the room to look out the window, folding my arms over my chest to keep my hands from curling into fists at my sides. My spine ached, my posture so rigid, my back to him and the interior of the room.

“I’m sorry,” John finally murmured.

“Little late for that,” I snapped. “Just… After this is over… Leave me alone.”

“Terry…”

“I’m happy,” I said, closing my eyes. “I’m happy with Kieron. I don’t… You complicate things. Just… leave me alone with this is over, okay?”

It was quiet for a long moment, before he sighed.

“Okay, Terry,” he said softly. “I’ll leave you alone after we get my family back.”

I released a breath I hadn’t known I’d been holding, my rigid spine finally relaxing. “Thank you,” I said quietly.

Silence surrounded us for a long moment, only broken by the sound of the hotel room door opening. I spun toward it and relaxed only when Kieron entered the room, quietly closing the door behind him.

“We’re safe,” he said. “For now.”

“Good,” I said, approaching him. “What now?”

“I’ll go to Ethereal,” Kieron said. “Talk to Ashere and Bekkah.”

“No,” I said, scowling. “You’re not going alone.”

“You’re not coming with me,” he countered, blue eyes narrowing. “You wanted to save him, so now he’s your responsibility.”

By ‘him’ he meant John, which left me scowling. “Kieron-”

“I’ll be back in a few days at the most,” Kieron said, cutting me off. “I suggest you either stay here or at the apartment, but don’t go out alone. If you stay home, talk to John only on the phone. Understood?”

“Kieron, that’s a little extreme,” John said.

Kieron’s gaze snapped toward John, leaving him visibly shrinking under the suddenly steely blue eyes. “Wasn’t talking to _you_ , was I?” He looked back at me. “Understood, human?”

“I’ll go with you,” I said, shaking my head. “John can stay here, he’ll be fine. Right, John?”

“Well…”

“He agrees with me,” I said to Kieron. “So I’m going with you.”

“Not up for debate, human.”

“Why do you keep calling him ‘human’?” John asked. “Aren’t you two together? What the hell?”

“None of your business,” I snapped, glaring at him before I turned that glare on Kieron. “You’re not leaving me here, dammit. If I have a choice between staying here or at the apartment, then obviously I don’t need to be with John all the time, so he’ll be fine on his own for a little while. I’m joining you. And _that’s_ not up for debate.”

With that I stomped toward the door, exiting the hotel room.

The elevator doors were nearly closed when Kieron’s hand slid between them, causing them to open again as he stepped in next to me. As the doors finally slid closed, I sighed and looked at him.

“I’m going with you,” I told him.

“I know,” he sighed, shaking his head. “Arguing with you only gives me a headache.”

I smirked, relaxing now that he was relenting. “You’re okay with me going?”

“Not really,” he said, shaking his head. “But what choice do I have?”

I smiled, leaning against him, surprised he was allowing it, but he had certainly become more docile recently. I didn’t hate it. In fact I was really starting to like it. “Thanks, Kie.”

He sighed. “Just don’t tell anyone I gave in, human. Got a reputation to uphold.”

“Of being an asshole?”

“Sure,” he said, “if that’s what you wanna call it.”

I chuckled as the elevator doors opened on ground level. We stepped out of the elevator and walked out of the hotel, toward the car. Kieron had gotten a rental car, attempting to keep my car hidden for the time being since we’d been involved in a high speed chase the other night. It just seemed safer this way.

“So, Kie,” I said as he keyed the ignition, “what do you wanna do for Christmas?”


	47. Explosions

Chapter Forty-Seven: Explosions

 

Ethereal seemed deceptively calm. We’d been here a day already, searching for Ashere and Bekkah. Kieron seemed to know where they were, but getting there was the problem. It would take a while, he told me, like it would change my mind about going with him. I knew he could move faster on his own, but this wasn’t up for debate. I wasn’t going to let him wander through Ethereal – screamer infested Ethereal – alone while I stayed home where it was _safe_. Like always.

So I just scowled at him and we kept going. He didn’t bring it up again.

That was hours ago. It was nearly night now, the last rays of the sun disappearing along the tree line. Kieron showed no signs of stopping, so I knew there would be no sleep tonight. We used to travel like this all the time, but we hadn’t lately. Even when we were on a time limit and he was dying, we hadn’t traveled continuously. We’d stopped to rest.

Now, though…

Kieron kept tossing me quick glances every once in a while, which I found annoying. I knew he wanted me to go home, but even if I wanted to, it was too late now. We’d already traveled far enough together; I wasn’t turning back now.

I wasn’t sure how long we walked before Kieron threw an arm out, halting me. By this point I was walking mainly on autopilot, so it took a few seconds for my brain to catch up with the movement. To recognize the snarl pulling his lips back, the low growl emanating from his throat. Instantly I looked around, but of course my human sense couldn’t sense anything.

“What…?” I whispered as quietly as I could.

“Screamers,” he muttered.

“Here?”

This was the last thing we needed right now.

“Nearby,” he said, letting his arm drop back to his side. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, nostrils flaring as he sniffed the air, before those blue eyes opened and he nodded to the left. “That way. We can go around them if we stay downwind.”

I nodded and followed after him, trusting him to lead the way.

We walked in silence for a few minutes before Kaidan’s shoulders finally relaxed. The stiffness in my own spine dispersed at the sight, and I released a slow breath, the threat obviously behind us.

“What do they smell like?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“Hmm?”

“Screamers,” I said. “What do they smell like?”

_And for that matter, what do I smell like?_

He’d said a few times that I had a scent. That my car smelled like me, that they were tracking my scent… but I had no idea if I smelled good or bad. Hopefully not bad, I told myself, since he lived with me.

“It’s hard to explain,” he said. “They just… have their own scent. It’s strong.”

“Right,” I muttered. “Okay, then what do I smell like?”

“What?”

Was it just me, or was there a stiffness to his voice now?

He’d quickened his pace, too. I hurried to catch up and keep his pace. “What do I smell like?” I asked again. “You said I had a smell.”

“All humans do.”

“Do we all smell the same?”

“Pretty much.”

“So… I smell like John?”

“No,” he said, and yes, that was a _growl_ in his voice.

_More interesting._

For being slightly shorter than me, he sure could walk fast. Why was this so difficult with him? It was a simple question?

“So?” I asked. “What do I-”

“Can’t explain it,” he said. “It’s just something we know.”

“We?”

“Perpetuals.”

“So… I smell the same to everyone?”

For some reason this bothered me. It shouldn’t have; of course I smelled the same to everyone. They were all perpetuals, after all. And yet something dropped in my stomach, leaving me slowing my pace somewhat even as he quickened his, seemingly eager to escape this conversation. It piqued my interest further, and I shrugged off that odd feeling and moved to keep pace with him again.

“Kie?”

“You smell like you,” he said. “Can’t describe it. No, humans don’t have the same scent.”

“We don’t?”

“They go through different things daily. Just like no one’s house smells the same, the humans themselves don’t smell the same, either. They do have this… distinct scent of being _human_ , but beyond that, everyone’s different.”

“Okay,” I said slowly, “so… what do I smell-”

“Are we really going to have this conversation?”

“Um…”

He was right; it wasn’t important right now. But all we were doing was walking, I was tired, and we had nothing better to do while we were walking. It was a welcome distraction, and it was something I wanted to know.

“What do _I_ smell like?”

I frowned at Kieron’s question. What did he smell like…

We had new coconut soap.

We had strawberry shampoo. They’d been out of our usual kind, and this was cheap, so I got it the last time I was at the store. I liked to mix it up now and then.

_The apartment._

His clothes smelled faintly of the air in the apartment, which reminded me of home. He smelled like home. But mostly…

He smelled like _Kieron_.

“Okay,” I sighed, “point taken. I at least smell different from Tommy, right?”

“Yes, human,” Kieron said in that ‘I’m barely tolerating you right now’ voice. “You smell different than your brother who always smells like his wife and his baby.”

Right. We’d had this conversation before.

“Do I at least smell _good_?”

“Human. Is not really the time?”

“Sure,” I said, shrugging, “why not? C’mon, Kie, it’s not a hard question. I mean, you said the car smelled like me, and that they’re tracking my scent or whatever, so… I mean… do I smell good? Or… Or do I stink?”

I honestly wasn’t sure what I’d do if he said I smelled terrible or something. Somehow I doubted changing soap and shampoo would help very much.

“You smell like you.”

“Kie.”

“I’m used to it.”

“Does… Does that mean I stink?”

He sighed heavily, stopping as he turned to face me, blue eyes glowing in the moonlight since the sun set a while ago. We were in a small clearing in the tree leaves, allowing the moonlight to reach us at all. The air was chilly, which I noticed only now that we stopped moving. I had a light jacket on, but even so, it was cold. If Kieron noticed, he didn’t show it. He had on a light jacket as well.

“You want to know?” he muttered, eyes narrowing at me. “You want to know what you fucking _smell_ like?”

“Yes,” I said, not hesitating under that intense gaze.

“You smell…” He growled, then, shaking his head. “You smell _good_. Okay? Are we done now?”

“Good?” I asked, swallowing. “What does…”

“I swear if you fucking ask what that means…”

I swallowed back the words. “Is it… good that I smell good?”

“Do you want to reek?”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “Absolutely not, just… I’m… happy I smell good, I guess. How good, exactly?”

“Human, really?”

“Humor me.”

He sighed and shook his head. “You make me want to either attack you or fuck you. Okay? Are we done now?” With that he turned on his heel and started walking again, even as I stood there, shocked as I stared after him.

“ _Attack_ me?” I asked, moving to go after him. “Or _fuck_ me?”

“Animalistic half,” he told me as he continued a few paces ahead of me. “It’s conflicted.”

“Conflicted how?”

“It’s always conflicted when it comes to you.”

“Why me?”

He shrugged, his outline moving in the darkness. “Dunno. I guess because we’re bonded. Proximity is… difficult.”

“Difficult,” I repeated, frowning. “What does… How is it difficult?”

“I’m violent by nature,” he said. “It wants to attack you.”

“It.”

“Yes, _it_. You’ve seen my memories, human. You know what I mean.”

“But… But I mean… that was a while ago. You don’t… still feel like that, right?”

“It doesn’t go away,” he said, and then stopped, nearly causing me to run into his back. He looked down at the ground for a moment, shoulders stiff as I watched him. “Sometimes you help. Sometimes you don’t.”

“Don’t help how?”

How was I helping and not helping?

I never should have brought up this discussion. My head hurt.

“Human,” he sighed, shoulders drooping somewhat. “There’s always going to be a part of me that wants to kill you.”

A chill ran through my spine, leaving me releasing a sharp breath. “Kill me… why?”

“It wants to kill everyone. It’s also attached to you.”

“A-Attached?” I echoed, swallowing, even as I took a step back, away from him. To give him space, I told myself. Not because he just said he might want to kill me. He wouldn’t ever do that. I _knew_ he wouldn’t.

“It’s territorial,” Kieron muttered. “It wants to kill you as much as it wants to claim you.”

“C-Claim me,” I stammered shakily. “What does… How…”

“I don’t know. It’s only ever like that with you.”

Silence wrapped around us for a long moment as I attempted to let all of this sink in, but it was a lot to swallow right now. All I’d wanted to know was how I smelled to him, and it somehow led to _this_.

While I was trapped in my thoughts, Kieron started walking again. I moved after him on autopilot, keeping a few paces behind him. He didn’t say anything about it, didn’t look back at me or really even acknowledge my presence, and I wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

_You wouldn’t… You would let it try to kill me, right, Kie…?_

But I couldn’t find my voice to ask those words.

 

We stopped a few hours later, in a small clearing. I was mostly sleep-walking by that point. Kieron lightly pushed down on my shoulders, causing me to slide down the bark of a tree until I sat down, sighing heavily as the weight was taken off my feet. Kieron moved away from me, then, sitting down across the clearing.

“Sleep,” he said, looking up at the branches and leaves, and not at me. He hadn’t looked at me in hours.

I wanted to say something, but couldn’t find the words, nor the voice to say it anyway.

It felt odd, being so close to him and yet so far away. The clearing wasn’t large, and I could see his chest moving as he breathed, see the outline the moonlight gave him as he closed his eyes, the paleness of his skin. He’d never really regained his color after being poisoned. It hadn’t been that long, though, and it was the colder months. His color would return in due time.

Finally I couldn’t take it anymore, and pushed to my feet. If I couldn’t find any words, I could at least move closer. His eyes opened as I approached him, narrowing as I sat next to him. Without a word I leaned my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes.

He didn’t push me away.

I thought maybe, at one point, he even put his arm around me as I fell asleep.

But that was ridiculous.

 

An explosion woke me.

An _explosion_.

I came awake gasping, already scrambling to my feet as my eyes opened to give me this blurry image of brightness. Daylight in Ethereal was bright, especially when one woke this quickly.

I was alone.

_Why am I alone…_

“Kieron?”

My perpetual didn’t answer, and he was nowhere to be seen.

There was another explosion in the distance. This time I saw tree bits and smoke fly into the air in this odd sort of cloud, just visible over the treetops in the distance. Twins snapped behind me, leaving me gasping as I spun around, only to find Kieron emerging from the trees.

“We need to move,” he snapped. “Now.”

“What’s going on?” I breathed, even as I reached for my duffel bag.

“Etherians,” he muttered, “and their damn gel.”

“Gel…”

That sounded familiar. Gel. Goo. Vaguely I remembered so long ago, when we were in Ethereal and we’d captured an Etherian to interrogate them. He’d _exploded_ after we discovered some sort of goo on him. Kieron had saved me by throwing me to safety seconds before the blast.

“What…”

“Answers later,” he snapped, and then ducked his head as another explosion shook the ground beneath our feet, so much closer than before.

“What the fuck are they doing?” I hissed.

“Looking for us,” he snapped. “They know we’re here, and they don’t care what it takes, they’re going to get us. Do you hear me? _Get moving_.”

_Well, you don’t have to tell me twice._

I moved. He pushed me lightly to the right, and we began running that way. Kieron was faster than me and always would be, but right now he was lagging behind me, probably making sure we weren’t being openly followed. I could hear him right behind me, though, so I kept running.

An explosion went off right next to us. I didn’t even hear it, it was so close. Immediately I was thrown through the air, dirt flying around me as I crashed back to the ground, a broken limb of a tree falling on top of me, knocking what little breath remained from my lungs. I coughed, groaning as I struggled to catch my breath and shove the limb off me as I looked around through blurred, watery vision, pain echoing through me.

“K-Kie-”

“Get up,” Kieron snapped from somewhere to the left. I glanced that way but couldn’t see him. All I could see was a fallen tree trunk at my feet, having nearly crushed me.

I just narrowly avoided death by tree.

 _Tree_.

“Kie, where-”

There was so much dust and dirt in the air that I coughed as I shoved to my feet, head feeling dizzy with the tainted air. I stood on shaky legs, my limbs feeling so heavy and stiff as I winced, leaning to one side. My whole abdomen was sore; I could barely stand up.

“Right here,” he huffed. “Can’t…”

“Kie?”

I moved closer to the sound of his voice, still coughing, wrapping an arm around my middle. What I saw left me gasping for completely different reasons than the dirt in the air as I hurried toward him.

“Kie, fuck,” I hissed.

His leg was broken. Fuck that, it was _broken_. Bone sticking out of his shin and everything, and there was a lot of blood staining the dirt around him. He was half sitting up, palms buried in the dirt, expression semi-twisted in this snarl mixed with a grimace, one eye shut with pain, the other squinted.

“Let me help,” I said, moving toward him. “Fuck, Kie-”

“Don’t touch it,” he snapped, and then took in a breath, holding out a hand. “Just… help me up.”

He was asking for help.

I tried not to let that get to me. He _never_ asked for help.

I slipped my hand into his and hauled him to his feet. He staggered, holding his broken leg up as he closed both of his eyes now, jaw muscles twitching as he took in a deep breath.

Another explosion nearby.

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, eyes opening. “Water.”

“W-Water? What…?”

“Get to… water.”

“Why?”

“Just… do it.”

“Where’s water?”

“To the left.” He nodded with his chin. “That way.”

I threw his arm around my neck and shoulders, holding him to me with one hand clasping the hand around my neck, my other wrapped around his waist as I helped him hobble forward. We hobbled for I wasn’t sure how long, explosions sounding around us, some small and far away, others larger and nearby, before I staggered to a halt as the trees gave way to a small Cliffside which I nearly led us right over. Glancing down, it was a bit of a slope to the water below, in a small lake which seemed to give way to a river on the other side.

“Jump in,” he told me.

“Wait, what?”

“Can’t… track you if you’re… in water.”

“You can’t swim,” I said, shaking my head.

He couldn’t swim with his leg like that. Not to mention the possible infection that lake could give him.

“Don’t worry about me,” he said, scowling, sweat dotting his brow, as well as a bit of blood running from a small cut along his hairline, slipping from under his bangs.

“Kieron, I’m not just-”

“Get in the lake,” he snapped, eyes narrowing. “I’ll survive a lake or a damn explosion. Just get in.”

“Kie-”

“ _Jump_ ,” he hissed, shoving away from me. I refused to release him, though, still holding him to my side.

“I’ll help you swim,” I offered.

“Not going in.”

“What?”

“Gonna… lead them away.”

“How, by hobbling at them?” I muttered, shaking my head. “You’re not going anywhere, idiot.”

“Not up for-”

“What’s _not up for debate_ ,” I cut him off, “is that I’m not letting you go. I’ll help you swim if we need to go in the water, but I’m not… I’m not going alone.”

“Human-”

I didn’t cut him off this time.

What _did_ cut him off was the ground behind us exploding. The wind from it, the bits of dirt and twigs, left us flying forward, over the edge and tumbling toward the water. My arm smacked painfully against a rock, the _crack_ of it the last thing I heard before my head slammed just as painfully into something.

The last thing I saw was water rushing over my head, Kieron slipping away from me.

_Kieron…_

 

“-rry… _Te-_ … _Hu_ -…”

Sounds, jumbled, confusing, faint. A brush against my mind, barely there before it slipped away again.

Warm lips on my cold ones. That was what I noticed first – the cold. The mouth was secondary. I could feel my heart beating, but I couldn’t catch my breath. I couldn’t open my eyes, find my voice, make a sound… I was frozen, seemingly literally, judging by how cold I felt.

 _“Terry_ …”

The voice was familiar. Demanding.

_Kie. Kieron._

Wanted Kieron. He’d make it better, help me get warm…

_Can’t breathe…_

A warm mouth met my own again. Breath rushed into my lungs which I greedily accepted, attempting to do so on my own but when the mouth left, so did the air.

Wet. Something wet.

A mouth on my own again. Breathing into my lungs.

This time something broke loose.

The coughs were sudden and violent, water shooting up my throat and out of my mouth, leaving me gagging as I was quickly rolled over as I was facing the ground, warm hands holding me up a few inches above the ground as I coughed out the water which had been trapped in my lungs. After that, I drew in a few ragged breaths, struggling to regain my thoughts and calm the racing of my heart.

“K-Kie,” I said, shivering, teeth clicking together as I did so. “Wh-What h-hap-”

I was spun quickly, then, being pulled into a warm body. He didn’t give me time to finish or to see his face before those lips pressed against my own again, with this sense of… _urgency_ which I hadn’t noticed before.

“Fuck you,” he hissed against my mouth. “ _Fuck you_. When I say to fucking _jump_ …”

Jump…

Right. Explosions. Water. Hit my head, hit my arm…

My arm ached then, the pain reigniting both there and in my head as the adrenaline left my system, my pulse returning to normal. “Wh-What-”

Kieron pushed me away, against the back of a tree. Despite how he pushed, his movements were slow, gentle. Lingering. He reached for my arm. “I can fix that.”

_I can fix that._

I released a breathy, choked laugh as I nodded, resting my head back against the bark, water still running down my face from my still-wet hair as I shivered again.

“You okay?” I breathed.

“Shut up.”

“Kie… Your leg…”

He’d broken his leg.

Glancing at it assured me it was still broken. Still bleeding, even, the bone sticking out even further now as he had it splayed at an odd angle as he focused on me instead. It must have been hurting, I knew. Why ignore it?

“Shut up,” he snapped, blue eyes sharpening. “Let me work in silence.”

I took in a breath, wanting to argue, but everything ached too much at the moment. My head, my arm, my lungs, my middle… everything.

_I can fix that._

_Yes, Kie… I’m sure you can._


	48. It and Clots

Chapter Forty-Eight: It and Clots

 

Consciousness returned slowly. I couldn’t remember falling asleep, but I woke to warmth and softness. The bed beneath me was comfortable and I had a hard time rousing myself from my sleep, but something nagged at my mind. Something about trees. Groaning, I pried heavy eyelids open and looked around the small room I found myself in. Frowning, I recalled that my last memory was of trees and water.

And a broken arm.

There was no pain right now. Moving my arm assured me it was no longer broken. Kieron, then.

I looked around but found myself alone. That didn’t seem right. I sat up and threw my legs over the side of the bed, a rush of dizziness momentarily stopping me, before I managed to push to my feet. Warm carpet touched against my bare feet, causing to look down at myself.

I was clad only in sweatpants. I’d packed a pair only because we might stay somewhere warm one night while we were here, before we returned to the human world – did they even have a name for it, or did they just call it ‘Earth’, even though Earth was a planet… hmm… - but I couldn’t remember changing into these. Why did I not have a shirt, or socks…

And where was Kieron?

“Kie?” I called, but the word got lodged in my throat. I coughed, clearing it a little, before I tried again. “Kieron?”

I padded out of the small room, through unfamiliar darkness. There were no lights here, and very few windows. It was daylight outside, but in this small hallway, there was only darkness. I moved down the hallway, chewing on my lower lip because I had no idea where I was, or if Kieron was even here, or-

“Kie,” I hissed when I saw him, darting toward his side, dropping to my knees next to his still form as he lay on the ground. “Kieron? Kie…?”

My fingers touched his face, rolling his head toward me. His skin was cold to the touch, his lips blue, face too pale.

“K-Kie-… No. Kieron!”

_What the hell is…_

My fingers stabbed into his neck, but as I knew, there was no pulse to find. He was dead.

_Died to heal…?_

Or… _dead_ -dead…

 _No,_ I told myself, closing my eyes as I struggled to breathe correctly. _He’s not dead. He’s just… healing._

I’d know if he was dead.

If he was _gone_.

I’d feel it. The bond would snap or something. I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t sleep through it. There was no way I could. It hurt bad enough when he was _dying_ … if he suddenly _died_ …

_I’d feel it. He’s okay._

I could still feel his presence in the back of my mind, subdued but still there. I could finally breathe again, as I relaxed my shoulders, lightly pulling him toward me as I opened my eyes. He was freezing. His leg was no longer broken. Or, at least, the bone wasn’t sticking out of his skin anymore, but there was still blood around him, like he’d only fixed it recently. How long had we been here? How did we get here? The last thing I remembered was waking up freezing, before he fixed my arm.

There was no sign my arm was ever broken, now.

I ached, but it was mostly from laying around too much. My muscles were tired.

_How long…_

I took in a breath and slid one of Kieron’s arms over my shoulders, attempting to push to my feet but this was an awkward position and I wasn’t as strong as my perpetual. Kieron wasn’t really _heavy_ , but he’d regained some of his weight and currently, he was dead weight against me. Lifeless, except he was alive.

Perpetuals died to heal if the injuries were serious enough. This happened to keep further damage from happening to their bodies. Why would he heal this way, though, when it was just a broken leg?

The chill of his skin was getting to me. As was the blood staining his clothes and skin. I’d need to remedy this.

“Alright, Kie,” I breathed as I managed to get us to our feet, so to speak, and began leading him toward the bedroom I woke up in. “Time to get you cleaned up.”

He’d need a shower when he woke up, but I could at least clean the blood away. It was obvious he’d taken care of me – there was no hint of dirt or blood anywhere on me, and I wore clean clothes.

We were going to have to discuss his priorities when he woke up, if he thought changing my clothing was more important than fixing his leg. How did he even get us here, if his leg was still broken?

_Right. Perpetual._

They didn’t let silly things like _pain_ stop them.

I hefted him onto the bed, closing my eyes as I shivered, the chill of his skin still present in my mind. I didn’t like seeing him like this; it was hard. I hadn’t liked it the first time I saw it, when I actually thought he was _dead_ and that he lied about being immortal; now, though, seeing him like just brought up memories. Memories of him _actually_ dying when we’d set that terrible trap for the Master. Memories of him slowing _fading_ after he’d been poisoned.

_Wake up, Kie._

I knew he wouldn’t wake up for a while, probably. I didn’t know, though, because I had no idea how long we’d been here or how long he’d been like this. Why didn’t he _tell_ me… wake me up or something…

Sighing, I pushed away from the bed to search for the bathroom. A few minutes later I returned with a wet towel and my duffel bag, and sat down next to him.

His pants were a lost cause. They were stained and stiff with blood, and there was a large rip where the bone had shot through skin and clothing. It took a bit of effort to maneuver them off his body, but eventually I tossed them aside before reaching for his shirt. This was easier to get off.

I didn’t realize he was hurt like this.

I stared at the mess of black and blue all over his chest and stomach. I couldn’t remember him being hit there, or complaining, though I remembered myself hurting when a limb landed on me. I took in a breath and reached for the wet towel, attempting to ignore the shakiness of my movements as I moved the towel toward his leg.

The leg had healed nicely, it seemed. There was a dark red scar where the bone had poked through, obviously still healing, but otherwise the skin was smooth. There wasn’t even a bump. I cleaned away the blood and dirt, then moved to the next leg to do the same. His shoes and socks came off with his pants, so I cleaned the dirt and blood from there, too.

I wasn’t sure how long I stayed there, tending to him, before I deemed him clean enough to put clothes back on. I dug through the duffel for a pair of comfortable pants but had only packed one pair of sweatpants. It didn’t feel right to put jeans back on him, so I slipped out of the sweatpants and put on some jeans myself. Then I eased the warm sweatpants onto him, and pulled the covers up to his chest.

He was still freezing. I knew he’d be cold until he woke up, but it still bothered me.

I eased under the covers next to him, sliding closer to him despite the chill of his skin, offering what little warmth I could.

 

I woke to a hot mouth on my neck.

Gasping, I opened my eyes and stiffened until Kieron growled, arms tightening around me, teeth biting sharply at my skin. I calmed, realizing it was him.

“What are you…?” I mumbled, still shrugging the haze of sleep from my mind.

“Warming you up,” he said innocently.

“W-What?”

“You slept against a dead guy,” he said nonchalantly, breath hot against the back of my neck. “You’re freezing.”

He was right. I was cold.

_He’s not._

“How do you feel?” I asked, and then scowled. “And don’t call yourself a ‘dead guy’, dammit.”

“Just stating facts,” he told me, teeth moving against my skin. “I’m fine, human. You didn’t have to drag me to bed.”

“Why were you in the other room, on the floor?”

“It was sudden,” he said, teeth nibbling, sending chills down my spine in all the right ways.

“S-Sudden?” I asked, but it was hard to concentrate like this.

“Blood clot,” he said. “Sudden.”

“Blood…? _What_?”

I shifted away from him, then. He growled, holding me in place until I stopped trying to move, and then his arms loosened around me, his lips against my neck but no longer biting, just quietly growling. The vibrations tickled my skin.

“Fixed the broken bone,” he said. “Blood clot broke loose. Killed me. It was sudden.”

_Killed me._

“Y-You… blood clots can…”

“We’re not invincible, human. We die like everyone else. We just get better afterward.”

I closed my eyes, fingers searching for his own, which I found around my waist, still holding me to him. “S-So… you…”

“Blood clot shot to the brain,” he told me with a sigh. “Easy kill. Easiest way to drop us. It’s always instant.”

“Instant…” I swallowed. “How instant we talking, here?”

“I didn’t know it happened until I woke up,” he said, releasing me, mouth moving away from my skin. I instantly missed the feel of his lips. His arms loosened, moving away, but I clung to the hand I still had captured as I rolled to face him, my back no longer against him.

“That’s… kind of scary.”

“Scary?” he repeated, face scrunching in a frown. “It’s life.”

“I-I… I mean… that you… can die so easily.”

“I didn’t _die_ ,” he said, scowling. “I had to _restart_.”

“Same thing,” I muttered, shaking my head as I sat up with him. “I didn’t… I didn’t know.”

“We can take a lot of damage anywhere else without dropping,” he said. “But the head is… it’s what keeps us awake in the first place. No thought, no life. Simple.”

“I… I guess.”

I knew it was simple. It was how it was with humans, but this… for Kieron to _die_ because of a blood clot, even if he was just healing…

It didn’t seem right.

I wasn’t sure why it bothered me like this, but it did.

“You should eat,” Kieron said.

“You too,” I told him. “How… How long have we been here?”

“Two days,” he told me as he slipped away, out of bed. I let him slip away this time, releasing his hand. “There’s some food in the cabinets, but not much.”

I got up and followed him out of the room. “Where are we?”

“Old cabin,” he said. “Recently inhabited.”

“Then… shouldn’t we leave?”

“They’re not coming back.”

He sounded so certain.

“How do you-”

“They’re dead.”

I released a shaky breath. “W-What? How do you know?”

“Found them outside. Screamers, I think.”

Screamers killed whoever lived here.

“How long ago?”

“About a week. Don’t worry, I scouted the area after we got here – there’s no screamers.”

I knew this already, though, because there was no way he’d risk passing out until he was sure it was safe. After he’d scouted the area, he must have then returned to fixing his leg, and then the blood clot happened.

“So there’s… no lasting effects of the… the clot, right?” I asked as we entered the small kitchen. It was homey, with a picture of a couple on the wall. I stared at the picture, saddened that they’d been killed for no reason.

_Fucking screamers._

“No,” Kieron answered, dragging my attention back to him as he looked through the cabinets. “Head’s healed. Why do you keep dwelling on this?”

“I… I don’t know.”

Truthfully, I didn’t. I just knew it bothered me.

If something got to his head… he could easily be taken down, and then killed…

“We’re protective of our heads,” Kieron said, tossing me a quick glance. “We don’t let anything near it. I’ve only died because of my head five times.”

“F-Five,” I gasped, staring at him.

I recalled one of his memories, then, of him being stabbed in the head, and felt sick to my stomach as I leaned against a counter, taking in a slow breath.

Kieron stepped next to me. I leaned into the warmth.

“This is your aggressor talking,” he told me. “It’s pissed. Relax.”

 _It_.

He just called the aggressive part of me an _it_.

“It’s me,” I snapped. “I don’t have an _it_ like you.”

He went quiet for a moment, before he shrugged and stepped away from me. Immediately I regretted the words and the loss of him next to me.

“I… I’m sorry, I don’t… I don’t know why…”

I had no idea why I was behaving like this.

“Eat,” he said, tone flat as he tossed some rhine my way.

“Kie-”

“Eat.”

 

Kieron didn’t come to bed that night.

I kept waiting. Staring up at the ceiling through the darkness, but he never showed up. Eventually I climbed out of bed and went looking for him.

I found him asleep on the couch in the living room. The couch was small so his legs were all curled up. He looked like an animal, kind of, all curled up like that, head buried on his folded arms as he lay on his stomach. It was cute. But _wrong_ , because he should have been in bed with _me_.

Something tightened in my chest as I moved across the room, standing over him. “Kie,” I murmured, reaching toward him, grasping his shoulder.

He came awake with a snarl, fingers instantly slipping around my wrist as he yanked me forward. In an instant he had me pinned to the couch, laying on my back, as he hovered over me, a clawed hand around my neck, choking off my air.

“K-Kie!” I coughed, struggling beneath him. “Kieron!”

He blinked a few times, then, and immediately released me, sliding away from me. “Sorry, human. Don’t… wake me like that.”

“W-What the…” I took a second to catch my breath. “What the fuck was that?”

“I smelled screamers nearby,” he said. “I don’t think they’ll find us, but I was going to stay out here just in case.”

“You were sleeping.”

“Dozing,” he corrected. “Still aware. Then you grabbed my shoulder, and… When I’m on alert, I can’t control it.”

 _It_.

“So you… what? Were going to _kill_ me?” I muttered, looking away from him as I sat up.

“No,” he said.

“You’ve never done that before.”

“I’m usually next to you,” he said quietly, causing me to glance at him. His gaze was focused on the ground, though, his shoulders slumped. “I take stock of my surroundings when I go to… well, when I doze or whatever. You’re usually part of those surroundings. You weren’t this time. I responded to outside stimuli.”

“B-But… it’s _me_ ,” I breathed. “You…”

_You tried to choke me._

_“There’s always going to be a part of me that wants to kill you.”_

“I know,” he muttered. “Sorry. I should have warned you not to touch me.”

“But… I’ve touched you before and you’ve never…”

“Again,” he huffed, “I’m usually next to you. You’re included in the surroundings. You weren’t this time. End of story.”

“Why weren’t you with me, then?” I snapped, glaring at him but he still wouldn’t look at me. “If the screamers were nearby, why weren’t you with me?”

“Because like an _idiot_ ,” he said, shooting me a glare, “I thought I’d be _nice_ and give you some _space_ , but clearly you need more than that.”

He pushed to his feet and stomped away as I stared after him. He disappeared from the room, moving toward the kitchen.

_“But clearly you need more than that.”_

What the fuck did _that_ mean?

Things were slipping away from me, out of control, and I had no idea what to do. I hated arguing with Kieron, and I didn’t even know what we were arguing about this time. Everything just felt so tense and _wrong_ , and I didn’t know what to do about it. How to fix it.

I scrubbed a hand over my face, chewing on my lower lip as I closed my eyes, head dropping forward.

“Fuck.”

I took in a breath and got to my feet, moving in the direction Kieron had gone. I found him in the kitchen, hands planted firmly on the counter as he leaned forward against it, head bowed. His posture stiffened when I approached, but he didn’t look at me.

“Hey,” I said quietly. “We should, um… talk.”

“Nothin’ to talk about,” he muttered. “Go back to sleep.”

“I was never asleep,” I told him. “I was… waiting for you to come to bed, but… you never did.”

“Go to sleep now, then.”

“Kieron. Look at me.”

“Human…”

“Look at me,” I said again, stepping closer to him. “I… I’m sorry. I… I know you can’t control it, and you were on edge because of the nearby screamers, and… I know you wouldn’t hurt me.”

He looked at me, then, blue eyes scanning over my face before he shook his head. “You don’t know that.”

“I do,” I protested. “You wouldn’t hurt me.”

“I might not,” he said, “but _it_ might.”

“There’s no _it_ , Kieron,” I said, watching him. “It’s… Yes, it’s there and it’s a part of you, but… you’re ultimately in control, and I know you would never hurt me.”

He wouldn’t ever put me in harm’s way, and he’d certainly never hurt me. Some part of him must have known it was me he was trying to choke, anyway, because while his claws had been out, he hadn’t grabbed me with those sharp points.

He shook his head. “You don’t understand.”

“I… I know it’s… a part of you and it always will be, but… I know you wouldn’t hurt me. You would have by now.”

He sighed.

I stepped a little closer. “I’m… sorry I’ve been so… odd today. I didn’t mean to make you feel like you had to stay in the living room. Come to bed?”

_Let me fix this._

“I should stay up,” he said, looking away.

“Are the screamers still close?”

“I don’t think so, but they could come back.”

“I trust you to keep us safe,” I said, reaching for his hand. “Come to bed with me, Kie.”

He sighed and gave into a slow nod, and I smiled as I led him out of the kitchen.


	49. Floating

Chapter Forty-Nine: Floating

 

_How did we get here…_

I wasn’t sure, but at the moment I didn’t really care.

“Oh, _fuck_ ,” I gasped, fingers clutching at Kieron’s shoulders as I sat in front of him, his hands buried in my underwear, cupping my rising member, fingers doing these amazing things. I couldn't even remember losing my pants, but there I was, clad only in the underwear Kieron pushed a little further down my hips, slipping my erected member free. “K-Kie-”

A low growl cut through the air as he narrowed his eyes at me, and I snapped my mouth shut, panting as his fingers and hands worked their magic. Their wonderful, _amazing_ magic. There was this brightness to his eyes; they seemed lighter, brighter, than their usual dark-ish blue. My fingers tightened on his shoulders as my breath hitched in my chest, his thumb running smoothly over the head of my cock.

His mouth connected with my own, this hot, welcome presence I greedily accepted, his tongue pushing past my lips and brushing against my own. As it pulled back into his own mouth, I felt teeth bite at my lower lip, a growl emanating from his throat, vibrating through his lips into my own.

His eyes were so bright.

I couldn’t remember them being like this before.

I liked it.

His hand left me, then, leaving me scowling as his teeth released my lip. His hands pushed against my shoulders, separating us. I protested until he shot me a quick glare, growling, and then allowed him to push me down onto the bed. Once I was laying down on my back, his fingers slid toward my underwear, which he carefully extracted and tossed over the side of the bed, allowing it to drop to the floor with my pants.

I raised a hand, snagging his the front of his shirt. “How come I’m the only one naked?”

His lips twisted into this feral smirk. A part of me knew I should have been bothered by this; he’d already told me a part of him would always want to kill me, and when we did something like this, I knew he had less control over _that_ half of him. The half that wanted me dead. No, I corrected myself, he said _it_ wanted to either kill me or _claim_ me, whatever that meant.

“Kie,” I breathed quietly, “what does… how would you… it… claim me?”

Another growl was my response. He rarely talked when he was like this. I wasn’t sure if it was because he was too far gone in his more animalistic urges, or if he just simply didn’t like talking in general when we were like this. Either way, to hear him say anything was very rare.

“What’s it mean?” I asked.

His eyes darkened, back to their normal color as he sat back, away from me. I swallowed and held tight to his shirt, lightly pulling him back toward me, because I didn’t mean for him to pull away, not at all.

He closed his eyes, taking in a slow breath. “Complicated,” he finally said, voice rough, a growl hidden somewhere behind the word.

“How so?”

“Complicated.”

“Kieron…”

“Difficult to explain.”

“Is it… bad?”

“Define.”

“What?”

He took a breath, jaw muscles twitching. “Define bad.”

Short, clipped sentences. What was that about?

“I mean… if… _it_ wants to claim me… is that bad?”

“Complicated.”

“Yes or no, Kie. Is it bad?”

“Yes. No.”

“Kieron, look at me.”

His eyes were still close, jaw muscles taut. He took in a few deep breaths, before his shoulders relaxed, his jaw muscles stopped being so clenched, and he opened his eyes. They were their usual color. I’d ask about that later, but for right now…

“What is this ‘claiming’?”

“It claims you.”

“What does… What’s that mean?”

He shook his head and moved away from me. I tried to hold onto his shirt but he easily slipped out of my grasped, moving quickly. I sat up and watched as he strode across the room, picking up my discarded shirt before he tossed it at me.

“Get dressed,” he said. “We leave in thirty minutes.”

“What?”

He didn’t answer, turning instead to pick up my pants and underwear, which he held out for me. I looked at the articles of clothing and shook my head, reaching instead for his wrist.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, lightly pulling him forward until his knees were against the bed.

“Nothing, human,” he said. “Get dressed. We need to be going.”

“It’s the middle of the night,” I said. “We’re not going anywhere right now. Didn’t you say there were screamers?”

“They’re gone.”

“Kieron, what’s this about?”

_I shouldn’t have asked about anything._

I should have kept my mouth shut so he didn’t pull away. So he didn’t do _this_. When would I learn to just keep quiet?

“Kieron, c’mon,” I said as he turned to leave the room. “Talk to me. What’s it mean? Claiming?”

“Can’t explain,” he said, frowning as he shook his head. “Never done it before.”

“N-Never?”

“It’s never… _wanted_ to, before.”

“Oh.”

 _Oh_.

I took in a breath, swallowing thickly. _It_ only wanted to claim _me_. I was… oddly touched by this, but also worried, because _it_ also wanted to kill me.

“So… so if you… it… if it _did_ claim me…” I swallowed. “What would happen?”

Kieron’s shoulders tensed. “I don’t know.”

“How would you even…”

“ _It_ would,” he said. “Not me. And anyway, that’s not going to happen.”

“Why not?”

Not that I was sure I _wanted_ it to happen, but still… for him to outright say it wasn’t going to happen felt a little rude. I wasn’t sure if I should be offended or not.

Kieron tossed me a glance, then, blue eyes narrowed. “What part of ‘a part of me wants to kill you’ do you not understand?”

I released a slow breath. “I’m confused. You said it wanted to kill me, or claim me.”

He shook his head. “It’s complicated. Just… No. Get dressed.”

“Kieron, I didn’t mean to… make you stop.”

He eyed me for a moment. I felt strangely self-conscious under the scrutiny. Finally he shook his head and began moving toward the doorway again. “Get dressed, human.”

And then he walked out of the room, leaving me staring after him.

And then I looked down, because despite this odd conversation, I still had an erection, the memory of his mouth on me, hands touching and sliding, the feel of him so close, still too vivid in my mind.

_Fuck you, Kie…_

He would do this to me. Get me like this, then leave. My own doing, though, because I shouldn’t have said anything. If I just kept quiet, this wouldn’t have happened.

When was I going to learn to keep my mouth shut?

 

We didn’t wind up leaving the cabin. Instead, when I left the room, fully clothed, I found Kieron in the kitchen, putting two plates down on the small table. The room smelled amazing; Etherian food always seemed to smell so good, and I hadn’t found anything I didn’t like yet. It was dark, of course, since it was still the middle of the night – probably roughly four in the morning or something like that – but there was a candle on the table, between the two plates, the green light slowly flickering.

It was kind of… _romantic_.

I couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across my face as I strode toward Kieron. “Why, Kie-Kie, what’s this?”

He scowled at me. “We haven’t eaten in a while.”

“We haven’t,” I agreed. “But I didn’t know you were such a romantic.”

He rolled his eyes. “The candle is for light, human. Unless you’d rather eat in the dark.”

I laughed and shook my head, sitting down at the table. “This is officially a date.”

“When will you stop classifying every meal as-”

“It’s a _date_.”

He sighed and shook his head, but didn’t argue with me as he sat down across from me.

 

_Okay, no fucking up this time._

A day later we were still at the cabin, despite Kieron’s insistence that we leave. He said we could stay until morning, but morning turned to afternoon, which turned into evening, which turned into leaving tomorrow morning. So, we still had tonight before we finished our trip to get Ashere and Bekkah. We’d already been gone long enough; it was time to hit the road again.

But for tonight…

Kieron’s mouth was fire on my throbbing dick, my fingers curled in those blue strands as his head bobbed, his own hands tight on my hips, keeping me sitting there. I had no desire to move, so his hands were a moot point but I enjoyed the contact all the same. His mouth was this hot vacuum I couldn’t quite get enough of, arching into him as much as he would let me roll my hips, but it wasn’t very much. Every time I attempted any movement, he would growl, and the vibrations from this would leave me twitching even more as my breath caught in my throat.

I was floating. More than that, I was-

 _I’m flyin’ apart at the seams here, dammit, Kie_ -

And he pulled back, his lips releasing my dick with an audible ‘pop’ as he looked up toward my face, leaving me gasping and groaning at the same time, wanting more. _More_. I fought back this incredible urge to _whine_ when he slipped away, pushing down on my shoulders until I fell backward, laying on my back with him between my legs, lips still wet from where he-

“Kie,” I gasped when his fingers glided across the head of my cock, causing me to arch my back, attempting to get closer to him. “ _Fuck_ , Kie, just-”

He leaned over me, then, his mouth easily capturing my own, swallowing the words. His lips tasted faintly of pre-cum, and I moaned into his mouth as his hand tightened over my dick, easily teasing the head with quick swirls of his thumb before moving down the shaft.

“K-Kie-”

He silenced me with a growl, tightening his grip further as he stopped moving his hand, simply just holding. It was enough to make me whine, attempting to shift, making him move his hand because it was what I _needed_ , but he easily kept me pinned, practically laying over me with his hand trapped between us.

With a flick of his wrist, a swipe of his fingers, he had me gasping, arching closer, hands reaching out to wrap around his waist. His fully-clothed waist since he _still_ wore his damn clothes. Why was I always the naked one? Not that I was complaining, of course, because-

“ _Fffuck_ ,” I gasped, his mouth connecting with my own again, silencing me before I could really even speak. By this point my breaths were this quick hitches, briefly there before they slipped away whenever he moved even slightly, my skin entirely too sensitive to his touch right now, and in all the right ways.

His mouth released my own, his head bobbing down, teeth instantly biting at my neck, near where the neck and shoulder met. All the while I felt the fabric of his pants slipping along the head of my cock as he shifted closer before pulling away, easily rocking his hips against me, teasing me with the friction, toying with-

“Fuck me,” I hissed, closing my eyes as he bit down a little harder on a patch of sensitive skin, his hand tightening around me.

“No-” A bite. “-lube.” A lick over where he previously bit, before another bite into that same patch of skin.

“Don’t care,” I gasped. “Just – _fuck_ – Kieron-”

Floating. Fucking _floating_ again, because-

“ _Please_ ,” I whispered when his hand stopped moving, when he let the _urge_ roll through me but let it pass by, easily biting down hard on a patch of skin when I tried to bring my own hand around to do it myself. “Need to-”

“Not yet,” he growled, voice vibrating against my sensitive, probably reddened skin from all of his biting.

“Kieron, _fuck_ …”

“No lube.”

“Don’t _care_ ,” I said, fingers tightening in his shirt since he wouldn’t let me put them where I really _needed_ them. “Just – _fuck_ – do it! You can…” What was I saying? So hard to think like this. “You can… prep…”

_Just fucking do it, goddamn it!_

This wasn’t about what I _wanted_ anymore; I _needed_ him to do this. It had been a while, and he’d almost fucking _died_ on me, and after all the worrying, all the doubts, all the-

“ _Fuck me_ ,” I wheezed when his thumb flicked again. “ _Fffuck…_ ”

He didn’t answer, but removed his hand from my throbbing member, leaving me whining again because, _no_ , why was he-

His fingers slipped across my mouth. Immediately I accepted them, swirling my tongue around them, wetting them for all I was worth. He pulled them out a moment later, face still dug into the side of my neck, teeth still softly biting. By this point that area of skin had gone numb with every bite and lick, the lick soothing the pain while the bite made it more tender. It was a push and pull of sensations.

His index finger slid across my groin, teasing my ever-hopeful dick before it dipped between my legs until it pressed against my hole. There was a mild bit of discomfort when it first slipped inside, but instantly it was overrun with pleasure as he shoved it in further, twisting and turning the digit, flicking it inside of me, leaving me gasping as I tightened my hold on him. A moment later a second finger entered, easily stretching and pulling me open with brief scissor motions, before a third finger was added.

By the time he pulled his fingers free I was biting down on my lower lip to keep from making noises. I might accidentally say something stupid again and make him pull away, and if he did that right now… _fuck_ …

He couldn’t. He had to _stay_ , and-

He slid down the length of my body, eyes so bright I could only stare as he did so, before he eased back between my legs, hands moving to instead grasp my legs, lifting them and pulling them apart. I rested my ankles on his shoulders as he directed, and brought my hands up to grasp at the headboard behind my head, grasping the wooden bars to brace myself, even as my heart quickened in anticipation.

 _Fuck, yes, yes, do it, fuck_ -

I hadn’t even realized he’d discarded his pants until then. As he began to lean toward me, I shook my head, bringing a hand away from the headboard to instead grasp at his shirt.

“Clothes off,” I said.

His lips pulled back in response, a low growl slipping free.

“Please,” I said, watching him as his expression changed a little, becoming more… _human_. Not as feral. Not as… animalistic. “I need to… I want… No clothes. Off.”

He acquiesced with a sigh, easily pulling back enough to put my legs down and take his shirt off. I realized then that his pants weren’t necessarily _off_ , but more around his ankles. He took those and his underwear off as well, easily tossing them aside as I sat up, dragging my hands away from the sheets and the headboard to instead press against his chest, slipping my hands down lower gradually, sliding across smooth flesh, hovering briefly over a nearly-invisible wound made by that knife when he was poisoned… before slipping lower…

He caught my wrist with a growl, keeping me from touching him. Touching him and his wonderful hardness. He pulled my hand away, bringing his other hand up to press against my chest, pushing me back down. I sighed and pulled my hand away from his grip, reaching up to brace myself against the headboard again as his fingers caught my ankles, lifting them back up to his shoulders

By this point my ass was throbbing in eager anticipation.

My dick twitching hopefully as I fought the urge to at least _touch_ it, add even a _bit_ of pressure as it bobbed with his movements as he shifted a little. The tip of his dick pressed against my still-wet hole, slipping around the edges, teasing me, always fucking _teasing_ -

“Fuck me,” I hissed, growling under my breath. “Kieron, _fuck-_ ”

He shoved in quickly, leaving me groaning as I tossed my head back, taking in a deep breath as my muscles tensed around him and his largeness. His amazing, wonderful, hard largeness. He’d at least prepped me for this, and I knew he went a little fast because he always did – I didn’t think he could help it, when he was more animal than human when we were like this – and it didn’t really hurt more than a few seconds.

Pleasure quickly drowned out the pain as he gave me a moment to adjust, which was a rarity. Usually we had lube, though. Then he pulled back, dick slipping against tensed but willing muscles, before it pushed back in, his fingers tightening on my ankles as he still held them in place, keeping me from moving too much, or accidentally kneeing him in the face. I tightened my own hold on the headboard, arching my back to attempt to move closer, get him to enter further, make-

He pulled out again, allowing the tip to slide around the hold and the crack before he pushed it back in before I could growl at him for it. Fucking _tease_ , dammit. Why did he always do this to me? He would make it linger, make it last, even though he was more animalistic right now.

I wondered what that said about him, but I couldn’t think very well right now.

Not when-

“ _Fffff-_ ” I gasped when he pulled back but shifted his movement a little when he pushed back in, effectively hitting _that spot_. That glorious, wonderful, amazing spot. His movements were growing faster by this point, easily slipping out of me and then back in without much resistance as my ass eagerly accepted every inch he would give me.

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck_ -

He shifted closer, looming over me a little, causing my knees to bend and my ass to spread a little more as he pushed in further, leaving me moaning, breaths momentarily trapped in my throat before they finally slipped free, leaving me breathless and ecstatic and-

“ _Kiieee_ …”

He shifted again, bending and spreading me further.

His lips landed on my neck, the same side he’d been nibbling earlier. The teeth returned as he lay over me, our dicks trapped between us, his inside of me and mine trapped beneath his smooth stomach, giving me a bit of that much-needed pressure and friction. The bites were quick and sharp, low pants and half-growls emerging from his mouth with each new nibble, if I could call them that.

The bit of pain present there mingled with the pleasure so wonderfully.

Floating. All over again. Just… _floating_.

 _Flyin’ apart at the_ -

I hadn’t realized his hand was moving until that moment. Not until it slipped between our bodies as he raised his waist up a little bit, shifting that wonderful hardness inside of me, and his fingers closed around my throbbing cock. My breath hitched to a halt as he started rubbing the sides, fingering the head, every twist and flick of his wrist and fingers too much for me right now, with the way his-

He moved again, shifting back, sliding a little further out of me, before he came back, mouth still glued to my neck. He repeated this a few times, always and forever hitting _that spot_ as his hand worked its magic on my member, leaving me awash in a sea of-

 _“Fuck,_ fuck, _Kieron_ , fuck, gonna-”

With a final thrust, his hand tightening around me, I came almost violently, the explosion of euphoria quick and overwhelming. I was lost in a sea of bliss and happiness even as he kept thrusting into me, his hand still working on my dick, pumping, swiping, teasing-

“No,” I whispered, groaning. “ _Fuck_ , Kieron, what…”

I just came; it was wonderful. But he wasn’t stopping. Wasn’t fucking _stopping_ , and I could feel my semi-hard dick stop deflating, only to refill with hot blood at his movements, the way his mouth was against my skin, his dick still inside of me, pushing and slipping and thrusting, and-

By this point my erection was completely back.

“K-Kie, what… _fuck_ , what are you doing…?” I gasped, struggling faintly. I loved the attention, don’t get me wrong, but this… I’d never come so close together. I’d never felt the _urge_ to do so, never gotten an erection back this quickly before…

His mouth and teeth pulled away from my neck. Bright blue eyes looked down at me, a feral grin overtaking his wonderful lips. “Let’s see how long you can last, human.”

And with those words, I was lost to the sea of bliss.

Let me fly apart at the seams as fast as I could.

_Just don’t stop._

 

Sometime later I lay awake, exhausted but too tired and amazed to sleep. We had sex for a long time. He made me cum _three times_. Three. Would have been more if I didn’t ask him to stop, because, _fuck_ , I couldn’t take it anymore. Not because I didn’t want it, but because I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t. I came more undone each time, and-

He laughed. He laughed and said ‘good job, human’, kissed my mouth with those same lips he’d used to bring me to climax that third time, and then slipped away for a shower.

That was where he currently was – in the shower.

I’d join him if I could move.

Everything ached, but in the best possible way. My ass would definitely be sore tomorrow, and my neck, but I didn’t regret a thing. Not a goddamn thing. Even as I thought back on it, I couldn’t stop smiling.

I could hear the shower even though it was down the hallway. He said he’d save me some water for my own shower, but I probably wouldn’t shower until morning. When I could think about moving. Until then…

_Fuck…_

I closed my eyes, still smiling.

That was awesome. Amazing. _The best_.

Kieron was the best.

I wasn’t aware his shower had shut off or that he was back in the room until his hands caught my shoulders, holding me down on my back as he sat next to me, half-leaning over me. His mouth landed on my own, clean and free of that salty taste, as he nibbling briefly at my lower lip.

“What’s with… the biting?” I asked, stopping in the middle as he tugged at the lip.

He shrugged. “I like biting.”

“You… You _like_ it?” I asked, staring at him.

“Mm, yes.”

“And… and that’s you talking, right? Not… not _it_?”

I hated calling it ‘it’, but I honestly wasn’t sure what else to call it, since it was another half of Kieron. Kieron always called it the voice or it, after all.

“I bite, human,” Kieron said, pulling back, quirking a delicate brow at him. “Is that going to be a problem?”

“Nope,” I said, grinning at him. “No problems here, Kie-Kie.”

No problems at _all_.


	50. Primal Urges

Chapter Fifty: Primal Urges

 

Storms in Ethereal were terrifying.

I realized we hadn’t really experienced any terrible weather here before, but now… Wind howled as it smacked against the cabin’s windows, roared against the exterior. Rain pelted the windows, smacking off the roof. Kieron said we couldn’t leave when it was storming like this; the winds would pick up, it would become cold and hard to see, and I would ultimately end up with a cold, according to him. So we were going to wait until it passed, even if that meant waiting another day.

I was okay with this, though.

Memories of hours ago trailed through my mind, leaving me smiling despite how I tried to wipe it off my face. I was right – I was sore, very sore. But I was okay with that, because it was _amazing_. And wonderful, and _Kieron_.

Currently he was sleeping next to me while I attempted to read a book in the candlelight, listening to the sounds of the storm raging on outside. It was morning, but the sky was dark with bad weather. Kieron decided to take a nap; I was sore, but my mind was too active to sleep at the moment. Too active with thoughts of-

I took a breath, pushing those thoughts away. Now wasn’t the time. Even so, I slid a little closer to Kieron, my body suddenly craving the warmth. To my surprise he slid back toward me, his knee knocking against my thigh as he curled up a little, face close to my shoulder, expression serene in sleep. I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen him look this _peaceful_. This _content_.

Without thinking, I brought a hand up, the knuckles lightly running down the side of his face, brushing against the faint outline of stubble along his jawline. He released this low sound which sound part sigh, part something else, scooting a little closer, still sound asleep. Which meant this was all involuntary. I smiled at the odd behavior. He usually never slept very close to me, even though we would wake against each other, his arms holding me, but that was because I would unconsciously move closer in my sleep. He’d woken me a few times, attempting to push me away before he finally just gave in and accepted it.

Now, though…

 _He_ was the one leaning into me. Or, at least, leaning _back_.

My smile grew as I breathed in the scent of him. It was heavy in the room – the faint scent of soap, the musk that was all his, quickly overwhelming my senses, leaving me relaxing even more. I shouldn’t have been this relaxed just by his presence, so close to me, all around me, and yet I hadn’t felt more… _at peace_ in my life.

I sought his hand under the covers, entwining our fingers just because. It felt right, somehow. His fingers curled around mine, leaving me glancing toward his face but he was still sound asleep, breaths light and even.

_I love you, Kieron…_

I’d never been more in love with him than I was in this moment, watching him sleep, his easy acceptance of my closeness, the way he moved closer in response…

**_… too…_ **

I froze, then, looking at his face once more, but his brow was still smooth, his breaths still calm and quiet, still asleep. “Kieron?” I whispered quietly, tightening my grip on his hand. “Kie? Hey…?”

His brows furrowed, then, his eyes slowly blinking open. “Hmm…?”

“Did you just… Were you awake?”

“… What?” he asked through a wide yawn, eyes falling shut again. It was this sincere yawn. No, that wasn’t right, and yet it was. It felt more open than usual. Usually he did these small yawns, always trying to hide them somehow. Now, though…

“Were you awake?” I asked again.

“No,” he said, yawning again. “Why? Hear something?” His eyes opened, then, a little brighter now, more alert.

“Um… no,” I said quietly, shaking my head as much as I could with it half resting on a pillow, Kieron’s face so close to mine I could feel his breath each time he spoke. “I just… Did… I thought you said something.”

“Oh?”

“Y-Yeah… I just, um… Well… I thought you said something in my mind.”

“Didn’t say anything,” he said, closing his eyes again. “Was asleep.”

“Right… Sorry for waking you.”

“Mm…”

He was already half asleep, slipping away from consciousness.

And he didn’t once try to roll over, or break my hold on his hand, our fingers still entwined. I wondered if he was even aware of it, but he seemed pretty tired.

I smiled, until the urge to get a drink filled my mind, my throat dry. It had been a while since I had something to drink, and the longer I lay here, the more I wanted something cool slipping down my throat. Licking my lips, I carefully extracted myself from Kieron, releasing his hand and easing it back into place, before crawling out of bed.

I belatedly realized I was still naked only after I was walking across the room, the chill of the air making me shiver. I hadn’t bothered to dress after we had sex, instead curling under the covers and the warmth Kieron provided after his shower. Oh well.

I was halfway out the door when warm arms circled my waist, pulling me back into a warm, solid chest, a mouth immediately pressed against the back of my neck.

“K-Kieron?”

_What the heck…_

“Where-” Bite on the back of my neck. “-do-” A lick. “-you think-” A deeper bite. “-you’re going?”

I should have felt pain at the bites. Teeth pinched skin, digging deeper each bite, but instead all I did was lean back into the offered embrace, the warm stretching across my back, those arms tightening around me. “Kieron?”

_What’s going on…_

I pulled a little away, attempting to turn around. His arms tightened, a low growl escaping him until he realized I wasn’t pulling away, just attempting to face him. His head pulled back and he allowed the movement. Glowing, bright blue eyes greeted me, leaving me staring at him.

“Kie?”

“Yes?” he asked in this light tone of voice.

“Are… you okay?”

“Perfectly fine.”

“What… Why are your eyes glowing?”

A scowl crossed his face. “They’re not glowing.”

“Yes, they are. What… What are you doing, anyway?”

His hands had slipped lower, toward my bare ass. “Mm?”

“Kieron?”

_Something’s not right._

“Kie, are you okay?”

He smiled then, this feral grin, eyes brightening further. There was this inhuman glow to them, the blue too bright, almost neon. His face moved closer, his eyes falling closed as he sniffed at my neck. I bit my lip, waiting for him to bite, but he didn’t. “Mm… You smell good.”

“S-Smell…?”

With that, arms still around me, he guided the both of us toward the bed. I went along with him only because I was too shocked to do anything but let him lead me there. He released me once we got there, pushing against my chest until I fell over the edge of the bed, my back hitting the soft covers as he came down on top of me, his mouth instantly going to my neck, the same side he’d been biting earlier, and those lips pressed against my skin.

“K-Kie…”

It should have hurt. Hurt like hell because that spot was already tender, but instead…

I closed my eyes, smiling faintly.

“Kie…”

He growled against my neck, the sound warm and familiar as it pressed against my skin, slightly muffled as teeth nipped at the exposed flesh. It was rough but so familiar I didn’t struggle as his hands smoothed down my sides, firm and quick. My breath hitched a little in my throat when his fingers found my semi-hard cock, instantly wrapping around it, teasing the head.

“ _Fuck_ , Kie,” I gasped, bringing my hands up, clutching at his exposed skin. He wore only pants, after all. I’d been too tired earlier, after- “Already? Fuck…”

“Mm,” he all but hummed against my neck.

“ _Kie_ …”

We were doing this _again_? Already? What…? Why?

I wasn’t complaining, but this seemed… odd. Even without having seen his memories, I knew he wasn’t all that comfortable with intimate acts like sex, and yet here he was… doing it again… with that glow in his eyes…

“Kie, maybe… um… _fuck_ , you’re…” I took a breath, attempting to collect myself. “Um… we shouldn’t… _gah_ …” He was too good at this. Goddamn it. “Kieron… we… should stop.”

If we were leaving in the morning, we’d need to sleep.

His body stiffened then, his growl rumbling against my neck, his hand tightening almost painfully around my dick. “Mine.”

“W-What?”

_Did he just…?_

“ _Mine_ ,” he growled, biting at my neck again.

“Ow!” I hissed, because that bite _hurt_ , and there was no accompanying lick afterward to soothe it. Just more bites on very tender skin, with no licks to soften it. “ _Fuck_ , what-”

My hands had started to push him away at this point. He bite down again, but didn’t release the pressure, only kept his teeth pinched together with my skin caught in the middle, leaving me swallowing, tears stinging my eyes. Surely my neck was bleeding by now.

“K-Kie,” I breathed. “That hur-”

Another growl. His teeth slid closer together. Cutting and biting me.

“ _Ow!_ Kieron, stop!”

I tried to push him away. I really did, but he was always going to be stronger than me. My hands did nothing as they pressed against his chest. By this point he’d at least released me and with the pain, my dick wasn’t standing at attention anymore. Instead it had shrank, pulling away from the pain.

_Kieron, what are you doing?_

Why was he _hurting_ me?

A deeper bite.

“ _Kieron, stop_!”

The teeth instantly released me and he pulled back, blinking a few times. I watched, grimacing, as the brightness died down with the blinks. After a few of them, his eyes were back to normal, and he frowned at me.

“Human?”

I swallowed, staring at him.

He sniffed the air and his gaze landed on my neck. “ _Fuck_. I’m sorry.” He leaned his head down again.

I shoved at him. “Back off,” I snapped.

“I’m just going to heal it.”

“Don’t touch me.”

“Hu-”

“Get off.”

He promptly did so, looking away as I sat up, bringing a hand to my neck. Yep, just as I thought – it was bleeding. Badly. The blood was sticky and hot against my palm.

“What the fuck was that?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t fucking apologize, just answer me.” I took a breath. “And look at me.”

His gaze flickered toward me. No more glowing eyes. Somehow I both missed that glow and hated it.

“Lost control,” he muttered.

“Lost…?” I stared at him, frowning. “What does that even mean?”

“Wasn’t… myself.”

“Then who were you?” I released a gasp, then, as it hit me. “Was that… was that _it_?”

He looked away. “In a way. Maybe.”

“ _Maybe_? How?”

I’d seen his eyes glowing slightly sometimes, mainly back when he was in his more animalistic form, with the fur and the ears. I’d only gotten a quick glimpse of him then, though, and it was a long time ago. Now, though… his eyes had been very bright. Glowing. Now they were normal. And he’d definitely been more… aggressive, maybe. Something. He’d been _something_ because he actually _hurt_ me.

“You hurt me,” I said quietly.

He sighed. “I know. Sorry.”

“Why…?”

“Wasn’t in control.”

“Why not?”

“Won’t happen again.”

“Not the point,” I said. “And look at me, dammit.”

“Human…”

“Don’t ‘human’ me, dammit, just look at me.”

He sighed and dragged his gaze back toward me.

“Now, tell me what happened. In detail.”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. You moved away.”

“Moved…?”

“We had sex not that long ago; it was still active.”

“ _It_?” I echoed, staring at him.

“Yes. _It_. It’s harder to control when we’re… that close.”

“So it wanted to hurt me?”

“Not… exactly.”

There was something off in his tone. I narrowed my eyes. “Tell me,” I said.

His head ducked down, bowing as he looked down at the covers on which we sat. “I told you, human – it wants to claim you.”

“So… that was it _claiming_ me?”

That was… terrifying, if that was the case. My neck throbbed in protest, blood still leaking from under my palm despite the pressure I added to it.

His head snapped up. “Let me fix that.”

I took in a breath and nodded. I still trusted him; he didn’t _mean_ to hurt me. He wasn’t in control. And his eyes weren’t glowing right now; it was okay. It was _Kieron_ ; he wouldn’t hurt me. At least not intentionally.

I removed my hand. His head leaned toward mine and his tongue easily slid over the bumpy, torn flesh. I closed my eyes, releasing a shaky breath as a numb warmth slid over the tender area. A moment later, Kieron pulled back and I opened my eyes, glancing at him and the way he pulled back a little more than was necessary, sitting further away from me, not looking at me.

“So… if it was… claiming me… why did it matter if I moved? I was just going to get a drink.”

“I don’t know. I don’t know why I did that.”

“What do you _mean-_ ”

His voice turned sharp. “Look, do you think I know _everything_ , human? I _don’t_ , okay? I’ve never been bonded before. I don’t know what’s going on. I just know you really fucking pissed me off when you moved away, and when you tried to shove me off. It was still _me_ , human, just more unhinged. I gave into my primal urges.”

I stared at him through his little speech, at the slight anger in his voice, at the growl hidden just behind the words. “Primal urges?”

“ _Yes_ , human. You know I’m animalistic; I gave into the urges. I don’t know why, but I did at some point. _It’s_ content when you’re close; after sex, if you try to leave… well. Then it wants to do something about that. _I_ want to do something about that,” he remedied, watching me carefully.

I swallowed. “So you… hurt me.”

“Yes. I did. I’m sorry. It was instinct.”

“Instinct to _hurt-_ ”

“ _Yes_ ,” he snapped. “Because you tried to push me away. It didn’t… _I_ didn’t like that. So I bit you into submission.”

“Bit me into…”

I closed my eyes.

“I didn’t submit.”

“No,” he said. “You didn’t. And you snapped me out of it. I didn’t want to hurt you. Stay close after we have sex, dammit. I thought you knew that.”

“Why on Earth would I possibly _know_ that?” I hissed, opening my eyes to toss him a glare, anger building inside of me.

“You’ve always stayed nearby before.”

I paused. He was right. When we did have sex, we usually went to sleep afterward and wouldn’t wake until six to eight hours later. It had only been four hours since we had sex. Before, I was always right next to him. I never woke up, so I never tried to leave.

Now, though…

Was he always like this? Would he have done this before, if I’d tried to leave? Or was this new?

“Look, human…” Kieron sighed, something _final_ in his voice that I immediately hated, tossing him another glare. “Stay away from me for a while.”

“Stay away from…? No. Fuck that.”

“Hu-”

I growled, cutting him off as I snagged his wrist, pulling him a little closer. “You hurt me. You made me _bleed_. But I’ll forgive you because neither of us knew better. Now that we know, we’ll be more careful. But you’re _not_ leaving me.”

I glared at him, daring him to say otherwise. For a long moment, we sat there, just looking at each other, before he sighed and averted his gaze, ducking his head a little more. I released a breath I wasn’t aware I was holding, knowing I’d won that conversation. For now, anyway.

“So… what would have happened if I didn’t try to push you away?” I asked quietly.

“It would have claimed you. Or… tried to. I mean, _I_ would have…”

He kept switching between ‘it’ and ‘I’. This was hard for him. I knew it was, but I still needed answers, even though I knew he was frustrated and confused as well. Even if he did know more than I did, he still didn’t entirely know what was happening. This was still new for him, too.

“And… what does that mean? Claiming, I mean.”

“It’s a dominance thing. Animalistic. Don’t worry about it.”

“What’s it mean?”

“Means you’re mine.”

I took in a breath, remembering his words when I tried to push him off. “You kept saying… ‘mine’, after I tried to push you away. And then you… it hurt.”

“It was trying to claim you,” Kieron said simply. “You rejected it. Me. Whatever. You rejected me, I responded accordingly.”

“I didn’t reject you,” I said. “I just… We’d just had sex earlier, and… and I wasn’t sure if we should… since you don’t usually want to do that very much. I tried to stop for _you_.”

And he’d hurt me because of it.

He scrubbed his free hand over his face. “Look, I don’t know what you want me to say. I can’t promise it won’t happen again. I’m not always going to be in control. I’m going to give into my urges the closer you are. It’s… getting harder to resist.”

“Harder to…? Why?”

“Because every time we have sex,” he said slowly, catching my eye, “it gets harder to pull away from that primal drive. Every time we’re close, I want to bite you.”

“You want to bite me,” I repeated slowly, staring at him. “You just started biting a day ago.”

“I know,” he said. “I fought it until then.”

“Why stop fighting?”

“It’s a primal urge. It’s hard to fight. I gave in.”

“Why give in? Why stop fighting?” I repeated.

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

He sighed. “Animals bite. It’s how they… Well, it’s what they do. I’m animalistic; it’s in my nature. And I bite your neck because that’s where I cut you.”

“Where you cut me? What?”

“When we started the bond,” he clarified.

I frowned, remembering. Ashere had trapped us down in a basement, and after a while, we both eventually gave in and he used his claws to cut the side of my neck where neck and shoulder met… right where he kept biting…

“Why there?” I asked. “Why that spot? Why bite?”

“It’s where the bond started. It… has a certain appeal. Taste. Smell.”

“No one else has tried to bite my neck.”

“It’s only for me,” he said, sounding more irritated by the second. “It’s complicated. Fuck it. Go to sleep.”

With that, he pushed to his feet.

“Kieron?”

“I’m going for a walk,” he muttered, leaving the room.

I stared after him, wanting to follow, but also wanting to stay put. Wanting to go after him, tell him it was okay. Wanting to stay because he hurt me.

Forever torn.

_He thinks you hate him…_

I frowned at the thought. I didn’t hate him. I loved him. I just… didn’t know what to do right now. In a way I could understand it.

It was a primal urge. He wasn’t sure what was really happening any more than I was. It had obviously never happened before, and mentioning it made him frustrated. He didn’t mean to hurt me. It was still _Kieron_. He’d never hurt me. Not intentionally.

He apologized.

I knew he’d try harder in the future.

I took a breath and got to my feet. Thunder echoed around me.

I remembered the storm.

Kieron said not to go out in it. Ethereal weather was terrible. And now he was out there in it, alone.

_Kieron. Come back, okay? We need to talk. I’m not mad. Please?_

No answer. Of course there wasn’t an answer.

_Kieron, please? I’m not mad at you. Come back._

Still nothing.

I sat heavily on the bed, scrubbing a hand over my face. My fingers trailed down over the spot Kieron healed. Stained blood on my fingers and neck, but the skin was smooth, like nothing happened. I still remembered the pain, though.

He said he did that because he gave into the urges. His eyes were glowing; the animalistic half was more in control, which meant he was running on instinct. It wasn’t another person inside of him, or even really another half of it him. It was just the part of him that gave into instinct rather than thought. It was who he was. So he hurt me because I pushed him away. Animals didn’t like being pushed aside, apparently, even if I did it for him.

So he bit me. Hurt me.

But before…

_“Where do you think you’re going?”_

He’d wrapped his arms around me. Not tightly, just… comfortable. Like we belonged that way. His voice had been almost… _light_. And in bed, before that… if that part of him had been in control then…

It basically lowered his inhibitions, right? He gave into whatever he was feeling, whatever primal urges he had.

And he’d let me stay close to him. Had slid closer to me in response. Had said in my mind…

I sighed.

It didn’t matter now, though, because he was out in the storm and I was here.

I just hoped he knew I didn’t blame him. I wasn’t mad at him.

And I wanted him to come back.


	51. Walls

Chapter Fifty-One: Walls

 

Kieron didn’t come back that day. He didn’t come back that night. The storm raged on outside, and as I woke the second day to find myself still alone, I once again attempted to reach him via mind link, but as always, he didn’t answer. That knot in my stomach grew tighter.

_Kieron, come back. Answer me, dammit!_

He never did.

I could barely feel him in my mind, the presence muted. I hoped he wasn’t hurt somewhere, or healing, but somehow that didn’t seem the case. This felt… different, somehow. More like it was forced. A wall around his thoughts, fucking reinforced with steel. Pushing me out.

Pushing me away.

_Kieron, c’mon, I’m not mad! Come back here, dammit, or at least fucking answer me!_

I wasn’t sure why I bothered anymore. He wasn’t going to answer me. I wondered, with that wall reinforced, if he even heard me. I knew he felt angry at what happened. Perhaps even ashamed because he lost control. He’d been letting his guard down around me for a while now; I liked it until then. I hadn’t realized that letting his guard down had been difficult for him. Always fighting the urges, but staying close to me, doing things for me, nevertheless.

And now he thought he went too far, because he hurt me and I snapped at him. Pushed him away. Let him leave. And he’d reeled back in whatever guard he’d let down to stay close to me. Reeled it back in so much it left my head spinning. Left me so confused as to why he would do this to me. Why he would lower his guard, let me get used to him being that close, and then slam that proverbial door in my face so quickly, so suddenly, that I didn’t know what to do with myself.

_Kieron…_

He bit me and made me bleed because I tried to push him away. Because I ‘rejected’ him, or something like that. But if I hadn’t… if I’d just stayed there and accepted what he was offering… he said he would have claimed me.

_Claimed me…_

_“Means you’re mine.”_

A thrill inched up my spine.

_“Mm… you smell good.”_

_“I just know you really fucking pissed me off when you moved away, and when you tried to shove me off.”_

I closed my eyes, swallowing.

_“Stay close after we have sex, dammit. I thought you knew that.”_

I must have known that on some level. I always stayed near him, even if I did wake up in the middle of the night afterward. I usually didn’t, but sometimes I did, just for a minute. And I never climbed out of bed or tried to move away.

I scrubbed a hand over my face, sighing.

_“Every time we’re close, I want to bite you.”_

Bite me. On the neck, where we started the bond. Bite me because it tasted and smelled good, apparently. Bite me because…

What would happen if I just let him claim me?

“Human.”

I jerked in surprise as my eyes flew open. Kieron stood in the doorway, soaked with rain, hair flat and damp on his head, water dripping down his face in small rivulets from it. I jumped to my feet, growling under my breath as I approached him, grabbing his arm. He’d gone out in nothing but sweatpants – no shirt, shoes or socks.

“You’re gonna get sick,” I muttered. “Get out of those wet clothes.”

He stiffened beneath my touch and pulled away, causing me to frown at him.

“Kieron?”

“It’s about to stop raining,” he said. “Ashere and Bekkah aren’t far.”

“Okay, but take a hot shower first. I don’t want you getting sick.”

“Perpetuals don’t get sick.”

“Really?”

He shrugged. “We get better. Anyway, pack up. We’re leaving in an hour.”

With that, he spun on his heel and moved to leave the room. I growled and snagged his arm again. This time, he didn’t stiffen under my touch. Instead he growled and tugged away, rounding to toss me a glare.

“I said stay away from me for a while,” he snapped.

I stared at him, hand still outstretched. “W-What?”

“Stay the fuck away.”

“Kieron?”

He turned again and walked out of the room, leaving me staring after him. A moment later I heard the bathroom door slam closed and the shower turn on.

_“Stay the fuck away.”_

_I’m not staying away._

I told him we weren’t staying away from each other. I told him we’d be more careful now that we knew better, and I wouldn’t try to leave after sex. I wouldn’t move until he said it was okay, or until he moved first.

_I’ll be good…_

Just don’t tell me to stay away.

 

Kieron wouldn’t talk to me for the next few hours as we walked on the still-damp ground, mud clinging to our shoes. I’d tried to talk to him after his shower, but he just muttered something about packing and slipped away. During the walk I’d also tried to talk to him, but while he would answer questions about the walk and where we were going, his responses were short and clipped, to the point, lacking any real emotion or input.

I was right. He’d shoved that wall firmly into place and reinforced it with fucking _steel_. He’d fixed all the gaps I’d carefully been chipping away all this time, and I didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know how to get him to _let me in_ again.

_I’m sorry, Kieron, I didn’t mean for you to close off like this._

I didn’t mean to make him pull away. This wasn’t what I wanted. At _all_.

Eventually we came across the outskirts of a small town. Kieron led me through the trees until we came across a small house on the edge of the town, where trees met clearing, and knocked five times on the door, then two, and finally three more, all with pauses between.

The door opened to reveal Ashere, who frowned at the two of us.

“Kieron?” he asked. “What’s wrong? Why are you two here?”

Kieron pushed past him into the house. I entered after him even as Ashere scowled at me, and closed the door behind us.

“Someone’s family’s been taken,” Kieron said as we entered the living room. “Where’s Bekkah?”

“She’s out right now,” Ashere said. “She’ll be back later. Who’s family?”

Kieron shrugged and glanced at me. It was the first time he’d really looked at me in hours, and I found myself staring back at him, swallowing thickly. “Um… John’s. Um… an old friend of mine. He… was there when… when I was captured last time.”

I left out the part where he lured me there. Judging by the scowl on Ashere’s face, he already knew that part, though. Right. Of course Kieron told him.

“His family was taken, as leverage against him, and… and they’re innocent. We need to find them.”

“Why?”

“Because they’re innocent,” I repeated, frowning at him. “It’s not right to… to leave them like that. If they’re alive, we need to find them. Or… at least _try_.”

Ashere glanced at Kieron. “And what do you want me to do?”

“Do you have any leads on humans trapped somewhere?”

“No,” Ashere said, and I sighed heavily. “I might be able to look around, but it will take a while. Give me a week.”

A week. We’d already been gone for days – a week. I could only imagine what John was thinking right now, but honestly, he was the last thing on my mind. Kieron was at the top, and the reinforced barriers he’d put up, and the way he wouldn’t quite look me in the eye. Wouldn’t talk to me.

“You two can stay here as long as you want,” Ashere offered. “It’s safe enough.”

I was sure it was, if Kieron knew this was where he’d be. He must have been here a while if that was the case, which meant it was indeed safe. For now, anyway.

“We should be going.”

I frowned at Kieron. “We’ve been walking for a while. We should… eat, and… stay the night.”

_And we need to talk._

Kieron gave me this dull look which I hated. Hated so much, because all I could think about right now was how _bright_ his eyes had been, how _open_ , and now…

“Is there something I should know?” Ashere asked.

“No,” Kieron muttered. “Why do you ask?”

“Uh…”

“Spit it out.”

Ashere sighed, glancing between the two of us, before he shrugged. “You smell different.”

“ _Smell_?” I echoed, staring at him, before I shot a look at Kieron. “I thought you said that was _only for you_?”

“ _Kieron_?” Ashere all but choked, staring at my perpetual.

Something twisted in my chest, igniting in my stomach.

 _Mine_.

I didn’t realize I was growling until Ashere held his hands up defensively, backing away from the two of us.

“Um,” he backtracked, “that’s not my business, right.”

“We fucked,” Kieron said nonchalantly, leaning against a wall, looking out the far window. “Big deal.”

“Kie,” I hissed, glaring at him. That was private; Ashere didn’t need to know anything about that. “The fuck is wrong with you?”

“Nothing,” he said. “Absolutely nothing.”

“Um… so… I can see you two have a lot to, erm… discuss,” Ashere said somewhat uncomfortably. “If you want. If not… Kie, I could use your help.”

“With what?” Kieron asked, glancing at him.

 _Looking_ at him.

But he wouldn’t look at _me_.

“Knock it off,” Kieron snapped, tossing me a glare when I started growling again. I swallowed the sound back down and looked away.

“We need to talk,” I said. “So he won’t be going with you. You’re free to leave, though.”

_Go away, Ashere. We need to talk._

“We have nothing to talk about,” Kieron said, looking back at Ashere, the glare leaving as I glanced at the two of them. “What did you need, Ash?”

Ashere looked between the two of us uncertainly, before his gaze remained on Kieron and he nodded. “Scouting,” he said. “I try to do it at least twice a day, but it doesn’t take as long if there’s two of us.”

“Sounds good,” my perpetual said, stepping toward the other perpetual.

“No,” I snapped, reaching for his wrist. He yanked it away from me, growling under his breath, but he didn’t turn to face me, didn’t even stop as he continued toward Ashere. “Kieron, we need to talk. _Kieron_.”

“Maybe you should stay,” Ashere said, glancing at Kieron.

“We have nothing to-”

“ _Yes we do_ ,” I snapped, glaring at the back of his head. “Yes we fucking _do_.”

“Stay,” Ashere sighed, shaking his head. “Maybe next time, Kieron.”

His gaze lingered longer than it should have, I thought, biting back a growl as he turned to take his leave. He left the house and we were alone.

“Talk to me,” I said, stepping toward my perpetual. “Okay? Just… I’m not mad at you. So talk to me.”

“Nothing to say.”

“Kieron,” I snapped, reaching for his arm. “Fucking _talk to me_.”

He pulled away, turning toward me with a snarl, eyes flashing bright for a moment, before the color died away. “Stay the fuck _away_ ,” he snapped back. “What did I fucking say, dammit? Stay away from me.”

“K-Kie, I… we’re _bonded_ , okay? You’re my fucking _boyfriend_ , and… and we’re not staying apart! I told you this!”

He shook his head, looking away.

“Look at me,” I said, and if came out sounding more like a beg, I didn’t doubt it because that was how I felt. “Okay, Kie? Just… _look at me_.”

He looked at me, gaze somewhat glazed, before the look cleared and his eyes narrowed. “Stop doing that.”

“I… I don’t mean to,” I said honestly. “Just… please, Kieron. Talk to me. I don’t… I don’t like…”

_I don’t like this distance between us._

I fucking _hated_ it.

“Nothing to say, human.”

“Yes there is,” I said. “Please, Kie, just… look, I’m sorry I snapped at you, okay? I just… you surprised me, that’s all. But… But I’ll deal with it, okay? If you want to… I mean… if you want to bite me. I don’t… I don’t mind.”

He watched me for a long moment. The silence stretched on for what felt like forever. Finally, he sighed and looked away, gaze shifting toward the floor. When I moved toward him this time, he didn’t immediately pull away, though he did tense when my fingers brushed against his arm in a light hold.

“Please?”

“What do you want to discuss?”

I released a relieved sigh, smiling at him. “Thanks, Kie. Um…” I didn’t actually know what to say. “Uh, well… Okay, so… what if… if I let you…”

“Continue.”

“What if I let you claim me? Would that… help you?”

“No.”

“It wouldn’t?”

“I don’t know, but it’s not happening.”

“Why not?”

His eyes sharpened as he looked at me. “Did you not see how I lost control? Do you want it to happen again?”

“What if I did?” I asked, watching him.

He faltered. _Faltered_.

As in almost lost his footing, staring at me, eyes widening somewhat before he composed himself and shook his head. “No.”

“Kieron… look… I’ll do whatever it takes to keep us together. Having me stay away from you is… unfair.”

“Unfair?” The word fell from semi-lax lips, leaving me swallowing as I took a step closer, tugging him toward me. He didn’t resist, although he did close his eyes, lips pulling back somewhat. A barely hidden snarl.

_He’s still not really in control._

He stayed away for two days, and yet he still wasn’t in control. That was why he told me to stay away – he wasn’t in control of himself right now, which meant he was more likely to try to bite me again, or something else. I tightened my grip on his arm, tugging him even closer even as his head dipped, nearing my neck, before he seemed to catch himself and lifted his head again, shaking his head as his eyes opened and settled on me.

“No,” he said, moving to pull away.

I held tight to his arm. “Hey, stop. I don’t… I don’t mind, Kieron. Go ahead. Don’t.. Don’t shut me out. Okay? Don’t shut me out.”

“Human…”

“I won’t… I won’t push you away. So don’t worry about it. You won’t hurt me – I trust you. So don’t push me away, Kie. Don’t shut me out. Please.”

_Not after everything we’ve been through. Don’t shut me out, Kieron._

His eyes settled on me, just a flicker of that inhuman glow in them. I liked the brightness – it was open and raw and _Kieron_. More than his usual look. More open, more feral, more… everything. It was Kieron without the mental blocks. Kieron without holding himself back.

I wasn’t aware I was moving until my lips pressed against his, his eyes falling closed as he released a slow breath. I pulled him closer, pulling our bodies together, realizing then how much I missed him and his closeness. Missed it so much over the past two days of not having him near me, the past few hours of walking in silence without him even looking at me.

I shouldn’t have missed this so much. It hadn’t been very long, and he’d never been overly affectionate, so I really shouldn’t have wanted this as much as I did. I really shouldn’t have felt so… _drawn_ to him. I shouldn’t have felt so much better when I was close to him. It was uncalled for, and sudden, and I didn’t know what to do about this.

Except keep him close.

But all too soon he was pushing me away, shaking his head.

“Not right now,” he said.

“Kieron-”

“I didn’t say _never_ ,” he said, making me snap my mouth shut as he watched me, “but now isn’t the time.”

“But…”

“We at Ashere’s, and we are looking for your friend’s family. Now isn’t the time for… claiming.”

I took a breath. “But you _will_ , right? That’s… what you want?”

Kieron sighed heavily, shoulders slouching. “When it’s time… yes, I’ll do it, if that’s what you want.”

“It is,” I said quietly, a thrill inching up my spine. “So that’s a yes? You’re not going to back out of that, right?”

I wasn’t sure why I suddenly wanted this so much, but I did. It was this… _instinct_ I couldn’t fight. Having him claim me seemed like the ultimate sign of trust for him, I thought.

“I won’t back out,” he said, shaking his head. “But for now… give me some space.”

“Okay, Kie,” I said. “Whatever you need.”


	52. Let's Be Normal

Chapter Fifty-Two: Let’s Be Normal

 

We were back at the apartment two days later. I immediately called the hotel, and thankfully John answered. He was furious that we disappeared for so long while he was stuck there, waiting, but he was okay. I told him people were looking into locating his family, and that we should know more in a week or so. He thanked me and I hung up, entering the bedroom, mostly dead on my feet. Kieron was already under the covers, expression serene in sleep even though we only got back a few minutes ago. For a moment, I watched him, a soft smile working its way onto my lips, before I reached for a pair of clean clothes and went to take a shower. I felt sweaty and gross after walking so much, especially in the mud.

The water was hot against my skin, and while I usually enjoyed it, there was this knot in my muscles the water just wouldn’t fix. It did nothing to sooth the tense muscles, no matter how I turned, no matter how the water hit me. My welcome home shower wasn’t as relaxing as I thought it would be, and in the end, I stepped out of it more tense than when I’d gone in.

Toweling dry in front of the mirror, I noticed the slight mark on my neck, where Kieron kept biting. Straining my neck for a closer look, I noticed it was this thing, very faint line, the same line which had been made when he first cut me to start the bond. The same thin line, deep enough to bleed and sting but not enough to really hurt. It had healed a long time ago, only lingering for a day or two before disappearing altogether, but now… it was there, if only faintly. I wondered if Kieron knew about this, knew why this would be showing up again, but couldn’t bring myself to wake him up to ask him.

All of this was already trying for him. He didn’t like losing control; I knew this. I’d already pestered him enough for the time being. I could wait a little longer to ask about that mark. For all I knew, it showed up because he bit my neck enough to make it bleed. Perhaps this was just the result of him healing me. I didn’t know.

Now wasn’t the time to ask about it, though.

So I got dressed in comfortable, loose-fitting clothes, exited the bathroom and crawled into bed.

Almost instantly Kieron moved, sniffing at my neck, an arm winding around me, tugging me closer to his warm body. I stiffened for a second, but then relaxed against him, letting him maneuver me.

“Smell good,” he breathed, clearly half asleep. I wondered if he even knew what he was doing.

“Took a shower,” I said. “Um… how… Are you awake, Kie?”

“Mmm…”

_Right. I’ll take that as a no, then._

He settled against me, my back to his chest, his face nuzzled into the back of my neck. His breaths were warm against my still-damp skin, almost ticklish in the way they glided across the exposed flesh. I settled more against him, smiling to myself as I closed my eyes.

My perpetual was still a little out of control, but I was perfectly fine with that.

 _Mine_.

_“Means you’re mine.”_

I knew I was possessive. I was the aggressor; I couldn’t control it. But so far he hadn’t really expressed the same sentiment. He said he didn’t share, once, but other than that… he seemed fine with me talking to others, getting close to others…

_“Mm… you smell good.”_

_“Where do you think you’re going?”_

_“Means you’re mine.”_

He called me his. I called him mine.

Maybe we could belong to each other.

Yeah. I liked the sound of that.

A lot.

 

I woke alone, but wasn’t very worried about it because it happened a lot. Kieron usually woke before me. I also smelled breakfast, bacon and eggs. Smiling, I climbed out of bed and padded across the carpeted floor into the kitchen, where I found Kieron setting the table with two plates filled with food.

“God, yes, I’m starving,” I sighed appreciatively, stepping up to the table and snagging a piece of bacon. “Have I told you lately that I love you?”

Kieron shook his head, but there was a smirk toying on his lips as he sat in the opposite chair, picking up his fork like a normal person. I sat down in my own chair, smiling at him.

“Because I do, you know,” I said, reaching for my own fork. “Love you, I mean.”

“I gathered that much,” he said, stabbing at a piece of egg, bringing the food to his mouth.

I smiled, watching him. “I could get used to you fixing me breakfast.”

“You’re already used to it,” he grunted, rolling his eyes. “You never cook for me, human.”

I shook my head, but knew he was right. He always cooked, not me. Only when he was gone did I cook for myself, and myself only. I’d have to remedy that in the future. Spoil him like he spoiled me half the time.

The rest of the meal passed in silence, and we went into the living room to watch TV. A part of me knew I should go check on John, but I honestly had no desire to leave. We couldn’t do anything for him until we got some news on his family, anyway, so it wasn’t like I could help him yet. Going there would be a waste of time since I already knew he was okay. I’d rather sit here with Kieron.

There was nothing on TV since it was a Thursday morning, but even so, Christmas specials were playing.

I froze, then.

 _Christmas_.

Christmas was less than a week away.

I’d get to celebrate it with my perpetual, but I still needed to get presents, and a tree and everything, to give him the full Christmas experience. This would be his first Christmas, after all.

 _But not the last_.

I jumped to my feet, causing Kieron to frown at me. “I’m gonna go shopping,” I told him.

“Um… what?”

“Shopping,” I repeated. “Christmas is coming, and… I need things. To decorate. And stuff.”

“You don’t have to do that, Terry.”

A thrill ran down my spine. It had been a while since he used my name instead of calling me ‘human’. Every time he used it made me want to smile, because he so rarely said it.

“I want to,” I told him. “Let’s just… be normal people for a while, okay? I…” I took in a breath. “You can come too, just… Um… don’t stay with me while we’re there because I don’t shop very well with people next to me.”

This was a lie, but I couldn’t just tell him I was getting presents. He’d argue that it wasn’t necessary, and ultimately would convince me to stay home because he was sneaky like that. Well, not today, I told myself. Today I was going to go shopping and get him presents and a tree.

He watched me for a moment, before he shrugged. “I’ll go with you,” he said. “Can’t trust you not to get mortally wounded on your own.”

I rolled my eyes. “Hah-hah, very funny. Get dressed, Kie-Kie.”

He shook his head and got to his feet.

I realized it had been a while since he’d actually argued against the nickname. He used to always tell me to stop calling him that, but lately, he just accepted it. He did that before, I remembered. When I used to call him ‘Kie’, after we got a little closer, he’d always tell me to stop calling him that but eventually gave up and let me use it and never argued about it. Now, he seemed to be doing the same thing with Kie-Kie.

For some reason, it felt like a victory.

 

I didn’t have a ton of money since I worked from home, but I had enough. Kieron usually paid for groceries these days, and I paid the bills. He had money, though I wasn’t sure how much. It didn’t feel right to ask him about that.

We went to Walmart first since it was one of the only stores in town, the other being Big Lots.

We’d have to go out of town if we wanted to go somewhere else, which I didn’t think was going to be happening today. We just got back last night, after all; neither of us really felt like driving out of town. Kieron did keep insisting this wasn’t necessary, but didn’t fight me too much on it. I wasn’t sure if I was just being persuasive and stubborn, or if a part of him actually wanted to do this. Either way, it was a victory, however small.

_“Let’s just… be normal people for a while.”_

I meant what I said. With everything happened, both here and in Ethereal, we needed at least a little break, especially for the holidays. Ashere and Bekkah wouldn’t give us news for a week or so, so we had time at the moment. I hoped this lasted until after Christmas, but a part of me was skeptical.

I hadn’t properly celebrated Christmas since I was a kid. Dad was never much for the holidays since Mom died in December, but he was at least willing to put up stockings and occasionally a tree, but that happened rarely.

This year I would celebrate it right, with Kieron.

We split up in the store. I grabbed a cart and began snooping down the aisles, looking at various things. Eventually I found a few things Kieron might like, and put them in the cart and kept going.

Shopping for Kieron was harder than I expected. Shopping for _anyone_ during the holidays was difficult for me, but him especially because this was his first Christmas and everything needed to be perfect. That meant getting him the right gifts, getting the right tree, and decorations. This wound up being harder than I thought it’d be because I suddenly realized I had no idea what he liked.

We’d been together for a while now, over a year, and I didn’t know what he liked.

_I’m the worst boyfriend ever._

Meanwhile Kieron cooked for me, ordered for me, and generally knew what I wanted and what I needed. I didn’t know or do anything like that for him.

_I’m sorry. I’ll try to fix that, Kie._

I’d try to do better in the upcoming week before Christmas. I’d try to figure out what he liked and what he would want before then.

I’d do better now. So much better.

I continued down the aisles, looking at various things, when Kieron caught up with me. Quickly I moved to stand in front of the cart, blocking his view, tossing my jacket over the items. He quirked a brow at me but didn’t question it.

“What?” I asked. “Need something?”

He shook his head. “Not really. Wasn’t sure what else to do.”

He looked so lost at the moment I couldn’t help but chuckle. He didn’t know what to do in a store, alone. “Aw, poor Kie-Kie. I’m almost done if you want to go ahead and start the car. I’ll pay for these. Still have to pick up one more thing.”

He shrugged and nodded before he turned on his heel and walked away. Once he was out of sight, I moved toward the aisle with the Christmas trees.

 

Kieron helped me decorate the Christmas tree even though he kept scowling at it every five seconds. Like he was offended at its existence, but also a little happy about it, and finally he just looked confused as to why we were doing this.

“I don’t need this,” he said, “if that’s why you’re doing this.”

I’d replied that I didn’t care, I wanted to do this and it was for the both of us while we agreed to be normal people for the time being. We would deal with Ashere, Bekkah and John’s family in due time, but for now, it was just the two of us alone with a medium sized Christmas tree, decorating it with what few ornaments I found at the store.

A half hour later the tree was decorated and I plugged in the lights, stepping back to look at our handiwork. Kieron stood next to me, gaze focused on it. I smiled at him and grabbed his hand, entwining our fingers even as he shot me a quick glance before returning his attention to the tree, not arguing with my movement in the slightest.

In that moment I felt happy. Complete. Everything fell into place and I leaned into Kieron’s side, smiling when he let me.

And then there was a knock on the door.

Kieron moved away from me to answer it.

“Hey,” Ashere said as he entered the apartment, staring at the tree. “Celebrating, I take it?”

Kieron shrugged. “What do you want, Ash?”

_Yes, Ashere, what do you want and why are you here?_

That felt a little rude. I wasn’t sure if I was irritated because of his presence when it was just supposed to be me and Kieron right now, or if I was irked because a part of me knew what he was here for.

“We’ve located a group of humans being held in an underground facility,” Ashere said, confirming my thoughts.

I sighed, scrubbing a hand across my face. Maybe this was good news, because we could get this over with in time for Christmas, and then not have to worry about anything through the holidays.

“Screamers?” Kieron asked.

“A lot of them,” Ashere answered with a small nod. “I don’t know if the family is still alive because my intel only said they were moved there a few days ago, and to their knowledge, they haven’t left.”

I took in a breath and nodded. “Right, well… is there a way we could find out for sure?”

I wanted to help John’s family, but as terrible as it was, there was no point if they were already dead. There was no point in endangering other lives to help them if they were already at peace.

“Not that I know of,” Ashere said. “It’s underground and is heavily guarded. I don’t know what they’re doing there, but it’s more complicated than being a holding place for a few humans.”

_Yeah. At least we agree on that._

“So what do we do?” I asked.

Ashere shrugged. “Nothing.”

“Nothing?” I echoed.

“There’s nothing we can do for that family without suffering casualties ourselves. Sorry, but a couple of no name humans aren’t worth that.”

Anger burned through me. “That’s not fair,” I snapped. “Just because they’re human-”

“ _Unless_ ,” Ashere continued, making me snap my mouth shut and settle for glaring at him, “we find a good distraction to lure most of the screamers away. Then a small infiltration team should be able to get inside.”

“And… how would we find a distraction, exactly?”

Ashere’s gaze slid toward Kieron. “Exrie still wants you dead, Kieron. You’d be good bait.”

“Fuck that,” I snapped. “Not happening. How can you even suggest…?”

He was Kieron’s friend; why did he want to use him as bait, especially when he almost fucking _died_ already?

“If we’re using bait,” I said, “it makes more sense to use me. They want me alive.”

“No,” Kieron said.

“Kieron, think about-”

“ _No_ ,” he said, shaking his head. “I’ll be bait. I just have to cause a scene and outrun them, right?”

Ashere nodded even as I shook my head. “We’ll have a secure location available for you when you’ve lured them away, so you can get away from them without fighting.”

“Not happening,” I growled. “Are you two listening to me? _Not happening_.”

“Human,” Kieron said, glancing at me, “be reasonable. It makes sense.”

“No it _doesn’t_! Use me instead, dammit, they want me _alive-_ ”

“They’ll catch you,” Ashere said. “You can’t outrun a screamer, let alone a group of them. You’d be too easy to catch. Kieron can outrun them.”

“Don’t care,” I said. “Not using him as bait, dammit.”

“Human-”

“ _No_ , Kieron.”

“We’ll think about it,” Kieron said, glancing at Ashere. “Thanks for telling us. I’ll let you know what we decide.”

Ashere nodded. “Let me know. I’ll be in town for a few days.”

“Okay. Sounds good.”

 _No it fucking doesn’t_.

None of this sounded good.

Ashere looked between the two of us for a moment, before he sighed and walked toward the door. Once it closed behind him, I rounded on Kieron, glaring at him.

“You’re not being bait,” I said. “End of discussion.”

He rolled his eyes. “I can outrun them.”

“Don’t care, it’s still not happening.”

“Human, it’s logical.”

“No it’s _not_! You’re not being bait!”

“I think that’s my choice.”

“It’s not!” I said without thinking, and then took in a deep breath. “Look… I… you almost died already, and… no. You’re not being bait.”

“I’m not going to get caught,” he told me, watching me, a frown playing on his lips. “I will outrun them.”

“No.”

Irritation flickered across his face. “I don’t actually _need_ your permission, you know.”

I froze, then, staring at him. “Don’t. Don’t be bait.”

He was right. I couldn’t stop him if he chose to be bait. He would always be stronger than me. All he had to do was knock me out and leave, and there was nothing I could do about it.

_No. Not happening._

“It’s the only way if you want your friend’s family back.”

I knew that. I wanted them back; they didn’t deserve to be there. But I wasn’t willing to potentially sacrifice Kieron to get them. Sorry, John, but that wasn’t happening.

If Kieron tried to leave… tried to go…

_I’ll find a way to stop him._

“I’m going to be bait,” he said, watching me carefully, “and you can’t stop me.”


	53. Rescue

Chapter Fifty-Three: Rescue

 

My good mood was effectively shattered.

Things were going so well, too, Christmas shopping and everything, putting the tree up… and now it was different. Now we were packing for Ethereal. Or, rather, Kieron was packing while simultaneously attempting to steal my duffel bag and hide it from me, because he said I wasn’t going with him.

“If you’re going to fucking insist on doing this,” I snapped, “then I’m going with you!”

“You’re not,” he said simply.

“I _am_.”

I’d tried to talk him out of this. Told him we would find another way, do something else… but he was stubborn and refused to be swayed. He was right – I wanted to help John’s family, but I didn’t want to risk Kieron. I didn’t want to risk losing him when he almost died not that long ago. The images of then were still all-too fresh in my mind, forever haunting me.

And now he was going to be bait.

He had a better chance of outrunning them, I knew, but a whole slew of things could still go wrong. He could trip and hurt himself, take a wrong, or something, and they’d catch up with him. They’d catch up with him and captured him and ultimately kill him, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it when he wouldn’t let me go with him.

I kept trying to get him to let _me_ be the bait since I was wanted alive, but he adamantly refused. He mentioned letting me be bait last time, and how that hadn’t worked out very well. I didn’t think he noticed my flinch at the mention of it, when I’d thought he’d died – in a way, he did – and had then stabbed myself in an effort to not give Exrie, the Master, what he wanted.

And it was happening all over again.

“You’re not coming with me, human,” Kieron said, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“I am,” I countered. “You’re not leaving me here.”

“Don’t make me tie your ass to the bed.”

I swallowed. “You wouldn’t do that.”

He knew I wasn’t fond of ropes, not after always being tied up by the screamers when they tried to bring me to the Master. It was true that John and Rufus liked tying me up for some sort of dominance rush, but ever since it started happening in Ethereal, I didn’t like it. I never really had, but I’d gone through with it for them. Until Rufus shattered my trust by nearly drowning me.

But Kieron knew all of this – he’d seen my memories. He knew how much I didn’t want to be tied up again.

“Then stay here,” he told me.

“No.”

“Human, why do you have to make everything so difficult? I thought this was what you wanted.”

“How the fuck is that what I wanted?” I hissed, glaring at him.

“You want John’s family back. This is the way to do it.”

“Not like this, you idiot. Never like this. I’m not… I can’t…” I took in a slow breath and tried to start over. “Let me be the bait. Please.”

_I can’t risk you again…_

“Not up for debate,” he said, shaking his head as he lifted his duffel and slung it over his shoulder. “I’ll be back in a few days.”

“I’m going with you.”

“Terry, give it a rest. You’re not coming with me.”

“I _am_ , dammit, Kieron! Why do you always do this?”

“Do what?” he asked, brows furrowing in confusion.

“ _This_! You always do this! You always try to leave me behind. I don’t need protecting all the time!”

“You’re staying here.”

“Kieron-”

He shook his head and spun on his heel, walking out of the room. I growled and stomped after him.

“This discussion isn’t over, dammit!”

“It is,” Kieron said, approaching the door. “You’re going to stay here even if I have to knock you out, human. Do you want that?”

“No, but… Kieron, you can’t…”

“Can’t what?” He looked back at me.

I swallowed thickly, a lump caught somewhere in my throat. “Something might go wrong.”

“Something might always go wrong, that’s nothing new.”

“I’m _serious_ , dammit! What if they catch you?”

“They won’t,” he said confidently.

“You don’t know that. What if it’s a trap?”

“Pretty elaborate trap,” he said.

“I’m going with-”

“Let him come,” Ashere said, causing us both to freeze because in our little argument, we hadn’t even noticed the door opening or Ashere sneaking inside. Now we stared at him. “If something does go wrong, Kieron, he can protect you. Maybe not run with you, but he might come in handy.”

“No,” Kieron said, scowling. “He’s staying here.”

“I think that should be his choice, Kieron.”

“Yeah,” I said, nodding. “ _My_ choice, and I’m going with you.”

“Human-”

“Let him come,” Ashere said. “He’ll be fine. I’ll stay with him and we’ll wait for you at the hideout. Okay?”

Kieron scrubbed a hand across his face, obviously irritated. “Fuck. Fine, whatever. Do what you want.”

With that he promptly moved toward the door and slammed it closed behind him. I stared at the door as Ashere glanced at me.

“He’ll come around,” he said. “Are you packed?”

“Um… give me a minute.”

Kieron had distracted me with his attempts to confiscate my duffel bag. Now I hurried to the bedroom and quickly shoved some clothes in, not even looking at what I was grabbing, before I returned to the living room. Ashere nodded toward the door, and I followed after him.

Kieron was nowhere in sight, but I knew Ashere could track him.

 

It took us a day to reach the underground facility. Above ground it looked normal – nothing but trees, and a rocky ledge on top of this hill. The trees and plant life were thick here, too, around the bottom of said rocky ledge and hill, but Ashere assured me this was the place. I handed him the binoculars and sighed, glancing at the two perpetuals beside me.

“So where’s this hideout?” I asked. The hideout was where Kieron would be running to, somewhere he could escape the screamers while a small team went into the facility.

I wasn’t sure how Ashere got other perpetuals to agree to this. I assumed it was bad for business, having so many humans here, especially when it concerned the Master. Either way, a group of five perpetuals would storm the facility, including Bekkah and Ashere, while Kieron ran to the safe house where I would be waiting.

“You’ll see,” Ashere said, nodding in the opposite direction of the facility.

We began walking that way, coming across a river roughly twenty minutes later. We walked along its winding path until we arrived at a small waterfall. I stared at the waterfall, mesmerized for a moment, because it looked so peaceful. The sound of the rushing water soothed me somewhat, as we walked closer to it. Ashere walked around the river’s edge until he was slipping _behind_ the waterfall, through a tiny opening which was unnoticeable unless you were looking for it. We followed him back there, and came across this damp cave.

“It won’t be comfortable,” Ashere said, “but it will throw them off your scent.”

Kieron grunted in response.

It was chilly in this small cave. The air was damp and breezy for a cave behind a waterfall. I wasn’t aware I was shivering until a warm jacket slipped over my own, causing me to glance at Kieron to find him without his jacket, stepping away from me.

“Kie…”

“You don’t need to be getting sick. Your coughs would attract attention.”

I took in a breath. _Right_. “Thanks, then.”

“How long is this going to take?” he asked, looking at Ashere.

“Well, the team is ready whenever, I just need to get back to them. So give me a half hour, then move toward the facility. Get their attention and get as many of them chasing you as possible, and then return here. Once they lose your scent they will keep searching the area for a little bit, and then return to the facility to report they chased you and that you’re nearby. That should be enough time to get in quickly and hunt down these humans.”

The plan seemed solid, but nevertheless there was a tight knot in my stomach. It seemed to always be there these day, always worrying and dreading and a multitude of other emotions I couldn’t place at the moment. I prayed nothing went wrong with this plan, because I wasn’t sure what I’d do if Kieron was caught.

_Just let me be bait._

This wasn’t happening, I knew. It made sense for it to be Kieron – he was faster and had a better chance of not getting caught – but that didn’t mean I liked it.

Ashere looked us over briefly, before he sighed and moved to leave. I watched him slip out of the cave, and then looked at Kieron to find him wandering further into the cave, dropping his duffel on the ground at his feet.

“So… this is going to work, right?” I asked.

“Should work,” he said.

“ _Should_ … That’s not very reassuring, Kieron.”

“What do you want me to say, human?” he asked, glancing at me. The cave was dark, the only light of the shimmery waterfall, since it was daylight outside. This would change within the next half hour, I knew. Sunset would pass by then, giving way to darkness, giving Kieron a better chance of getting away.

“I don’t know,” I murmured. “Just… tell me it’s gonna work.”

“Alright. It will work.”

I released a slow breath. “Be careful, please.”

“Don’t worry so much.”

“Then what am I supposed to do, huh?”

He shrugged. “Worrying won’t help. Weren’t you the optimist?”

I was, when he was dying. Always telling him it would work, praying I wasn’t lying to him, desperate to not lose him. Now, though… “Yeah, well, I’m a pessimist now. Convince me otherwise.”

“Terry,” he said quietly, causing me to glance at him again as I’d looked away when answering him. He stood closer than before, watching me, and his voice was this soft breath of air. “It’ll work.”

I took in a slow breath and nodded, swallowing. “Right,” I said. “Of course it will.”

 

_How long’s it been?_

I had no real sense of time here in the darkness of this cave, only the sound of rushing water to soothe me. Kieron left a while ago to start the chase, but I wasn’t sure how much time had passed, or how much time was _supposed_ to pass before he returned. I just didn’t know.

_Kieron, be careful._

He wasn’t answering me. He’d shut down communications some time ago, because he needed to concentrate on leading the screamers away and couldn’t be distracted. I understood this, but I still wished he’d answer me and let me know he was okay.

My skin itched and burned. I debated splashing some cold water on it, but this cave was already cold and damp enough. I’d never get warm afterward, and would probably catch a cold, which was the last thing we needed right now. So in the end I just sat there on a semi-dry rock and rubbed at my arms with cold fingers, attempting to ease the burning but it did little about the itching. This deep itch I knew scratching wouldn’t help, as it never did in the past.

The longer we were apart, the longer he was out there alone, the more disorientated I felt. It was this deep ache within, scattering my thoughts, leaving me breathless with anticipation. Or something else, I wasn’t sure. All I knew was it was taking _too damn long_.

_Kieron, c’mon…_

And more time passed. Minutes slipping by unnoticed since all I could think about right now was my skin itching and burning, as though I had the worst sunburn and people kept slapping the red areas. It burned and ached and I closed my eyes.

More time slipped by.

And more.

_How long’s it been?_

Minutes. Hours. I didn’t know.

I didn’t feel any phantom aches so I assumed he was okay and wasn’t hurt. That, or he’d blocked off the pain like he did sometimes. Blocked it off so I wouldn’t know. For all I knew he’d been stabbed with a golden blade and was bleeding out somewhere. Or was captured.

_Fuck, Kie, c’mon…_

More time.

By this point I couldn’t sit anymore and found myself pacing the length of the cave. It didn’t help much but gave me something else to attempt to focus on for the time being. I counted the steps as I paced, back and forth, back and forth.

_Ninety-nine… one hundred…_

Where was he?

 _One-hundred-and-five_ …

Something splashed through the opening of the waterfall, leaving me spinning in place, staring through the darkness but there was little light, mostly just pitch blackness. “Kieron?” I breathed, moving toward the opening of the cave.

“It’s me,” Kieron said, and I could breathe again.

“Fuck, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, human.”

He _did_ sound okay.

The tension which had been holding my muscles hostage finally dispersed as I reached out to him. He was soaking wet since he splashed through the waterfall instead of slipping around behind it like we did.

“Ki-”

His hand clamped over my mouth.

I went quiet.

Time passed. Minutes. Hours. I didn’t know. Finally he released my mouth.

“Alright,” he said quietly. “They’re gone.”

“Good,” I said. “Did… Did it work?”

“I don’t know,” Kieron said. “I think they got in, but I was running.”

Right. He couldn’t be aware of everything that was happening with this plan, when he had to focus on leading the screamers away and ultimately getting away from them.

“You should… get out of those clothes,” I said.

“I don’t think now’s the time for stripping,” he said, but there was this light tone to his voice that had me scowling.

_He’s joking with me._

“I don’t want you getting sick.”

“I told you, human, perpetuals don’t-”

“Get sick, blah, blah, blah, I know. Just… do it. Please.”

He sighed and slipped away from me. A moment later I heard his duffel bag unzipping. He tossed his soaked clothes to the ground and had pulled on fresh, dry clothes by the time I reached him, my shoulder bumping against his back since I couldn’t see very well.

That itching and burning had stopped the moment he said ‘it’s me’, thankfully. The bond knew he was okay, knew he was safe here with me.

I could finally relax.

“You’re cold,” Kieron said.

I shivered now that he mentioned it. “A little,” I said, “but that’s okay.”

He sighed heavily in my ear, stepping closer. Warm arms came around me, tugging me into a warm chest as he sat us down on a large rock. The warmth was inviting and complete and I relaxed further into his embrace, the warmth seeping through me. It wasn’t nearly as cold this way.

“Thanks, Kie,” I said quietly.

“Yeah, well, can’t have you getting sick.”

We sat there, like that, for a long time. Again, my sense of time was skewed so I had no idea how long we were there, before footsteps approached the interior of the cave, leaving me tensing. Kieron’s arms tightened around me.

“Relax,” he said in my ear, leaving me shivering for reasons other than the cold, “it’s just Ashere.”

“How’d it go?” I asked Ashere as those footsteps drew closer.

“There were fewer screamers there than we thought there would be. They thought no one would find the facility,” Ashere answered. “Kieron, you did a good job leading them away.”

“So is John’s family okay?” I asked. “Did you get them out?”

“We did,” Ashere said, and I relaxed against my perpetual and his warmth.

_Thank God._

“However, they are very disoriented and are sick. We’ve sedated them for the time being, because they were in shock about the whole experience. I recommend taking them to a human hospital.”

“How did you sedate them?”

“We have herbs for that,” Ashere said dismissively. “Not important right now. We already have perpetuals carrying them toward the gateway. They will deposit them at a human hospital in your town.”

“Jasper Hospital,” I said, nodding. “Yeah, that will work.”

“You two should get going,” Ashere said quietly. “You’ve got a bit of a walk ahead of you.”

“Alright, sounds good,” Kieron replied, his arms leaving me as he got to his feet. Immediately I missed the warmth, getting to my feet as well.

I was just happy something finally went right for a change.

 

I told John we got his family back. He was relieved and grateful, thanking me over and over again. I told him he could go to the hospital to see them tomorrow, but not today. It had taken us a day to get back to the gateway, but the perpetuals taking John’s family there could move faster even though they were carrying three people. By the time we got back, it was late evening and he didn’t need to be out on his own right now. We’d take him there tomorrow, but I wouldn’t be going in to see them.

Hopefully they thought it was all a bad dream. Tonight, John was thinking of a good excuse to give them, but he’d most likely have to wind up telling them the truth. I wished him luck in that regard, but I told him I didn’t want involved. We got his family back, and I told him to leave us alone and not to call us again. I’d already endangered his family enough; they didn’t need to be around me anymore. I told him to take them out of town somewhere, away from everything for the time being. Kieron gave him a few tips on how to hide his scent so the screamers couldn’t track them.

Now that all of that was over with, I climbed into bed with a freshly showered Kieron. As I settled against his side, him sighing breathily against the back of my neck, I breathed in the scent of him and closed my eyes, thankful we got John’s family back and that everything could go back to normal for the holidays.


	54. Christmas

Chapter Fifty-Four: Christmas

 

I loved the holidays.

Not because I celebrated them, but because everyone always decorated and everyone was a little nicer. Driving around town was nice this time of year; Christmas trees lit in windows, lights vibrant outside, decorations galore… It was serene and peaceful. Our decorations were up in the apartment, even though we didn’t have very much. The apartment was dark save for the lights flashing on the tree, and the TV on in front of us.

 _I can’t believe it’s Christmas Eve_.

Because it was. As usual, _A Christmas Story_ was playing on TV and would continue for the next twenty-four hours, as was the holiday tradition. This was our second time watching it, and while Kieron scowled, he didn’t complain about watching it again. Then again, he seemed tired – we just had a big meal of spaghetti since I finally cooked for him, and food was, again, like Nyquil to him.

We were both settled comfortably on the couch, shoulder-to-shoulder as we leaned back into the cushions. It was snowing outside – the first snow of the season, though it wasn’t expected to stick. Just a light dusting. It was chilly outside, with the wind banging against the windows, but warm inside, under a cover on the couch with Kieron’s warmth right next to me.

There were presents under the tree. Kieron asked why I didn’t just give him his gifts, and why wrap them only to unwrap them later, but I told him it was the tradition of Christmas. We always waited until Christmas to open them. He didn’t question me again, though I knew he was still perplexed by it.

We were supposed to go to Tommy’s tomorrow for Christmas. They were staying at their house again, but unknown to them, they had perpetuals nearby in case the screamers tried anything again. They were safe enough, for which I was grateful. It had been a while since I’d really celebrated with Tommy, and this year I had the bonus of having Kieron with me. I was actually looking forward to Christmas for once.

Dad invited us to go to his house for Christmas Eve dinner, but I declined. I didn’t want to get into an argument with him right now, not when Kieron and I were having our first Christmas together.

I smiled. I liked the sound of that.

The first Christmas of many still to come.

After the second showing of the movie, I slipped away from the couch and put the cookies in the oven to bake. Kieron had never had cookies, he said. This made me excited to make them for him. Sugar cookies were the best. After putting them in the oven, I rejoined Kieron on the couch. He’d fallen asleep not that long ago, head tilted to the side against the back of the couch, but he woke when I settled next to him again, turning his head toward me.

“Is it over?”

I smiled. “It’s coming on again.”

“How can you watch the same thing over and over?”

I shrugged. “It’s tradition. We don’t have to keep watching it. Oh! It’s Christmas Eve, you can open a present.”

“I thought you said to wait until Christmas,” Kieron said, frowning at me.

I laughed and got to my feet, moving toward the tree. “Yeah, but it’s also tradition to open a present on Christmas Eve. No, I don’t know why, it just is.” I plucked a gift from near the front and held it out to him.

He accepted it uncertainly.

“Everyone opens a gift?” he asked.

“Yeah, I guess.”

He nodded once, put the gift down next to him, and got to his feet. I watched, frowning, as he left the living room, entering the bedroom. A moment later he returned with a wrapped gift which he held out to me before retaking his seat, picking up his own gift again.

I stared at the wrapped gift in my hands. “You didn’t have to get me anything,” I said quietly.

“You didn’t have to get me anything, either.”

“Thanks, Kieron.”

I sat next to him, and nodded at him to open his first. He dug a finger into the wrapping’s edge and tore, revealing the gift inside. He opened the box and I only then realized what gift I’d grabbed, becoming a little self-conscious. He pulled out the necklace, eying it and the golden talon hooked on it before his gaze slid toward me.

“I wasn’t sure… I mean… Um…” I took a breath and tried again. “I wasn’t sure if you would like it, but… They were having a special on it, so…”

“It’s fine, Terry,” he said quietly. “Thanks.”

I smiled, feeling my tense muscles relax. Then I looked down at the gift in my lap and opened it, and then opened the box beneath the wrapping paper. Then I stared at the rock. A very pretty rock, of course, with various colors of blue hidden in it.

“It’s a rare mineral in Ethereal,” he told me. “It’s supposed to be some kind of guardian stone. If you believe in that kind of thing.”

I smiled, looking at him. “Thanks, Kie-Kie. I love it.”

He shrugged, and I promptly caught his mouth with my own, pulling him toward me. He gave in easily, and we stayed there like that for I didn’t know how long.

The beeping of the oven tore us apart. I sighed and got to my feet to take the cookies out, smiling when I thought of Kieron eating them since he’d never had them before. Kieron followed me into the kitchen and I pulled the cookies out of the oven, putting them on the countertop. Kieron immediately went for one and I smacked his hand away, tossing him a scowl.

“You’ll hurt yourself,” I said. “Let them cool down.”

“They smell good,” he complained.

Like a kid.

I smiled. “Yeah, well, patience.”

“It’s not my virtue.”

“Yeah, didn’t think so.”

He rolled his eyes but backed away from the counter and the cookies while I reached for a spatula to begin taking the cookies from the pan and put them in a pile on a plate. They were soft – I wanted one now, too. But I just told Kieron to wait, so I had to be patient as well.

“Don’t forget, we’re going to Tommy’s tomorrow,” I told him.

He scowled. “Do I have to go?”

“He’ll be good,” I said.

_If he’s not, I’ll kick his ass._

He had no reason to be rude to Kieron anymore.

Kieron scrubbed a hand across his face and nodded. “Fine.”

I smiled. “It’ll be fun.”

“If you say so, human.”

I chuckled and nodded toward the living room. He sighed and went to sit back down on the couch while I stayed in the kitchen, waiting for the cookies to cool off a little. Today was about Kieron – I was going to spoil him, which meant I would bring his cookies to him.

And milk.

Cookies and milk.

_Oh, God, Kie in a Santa hat…_

The thought was just so ridiculous I couldn’t stop the laughs from escaping, which earned me a confused glance from Kieron. I shook my head, swallowing down the remaining chuckles, and looked back toward the cookies. They were cool enough by now, so I picked pour two glasses of milk and picked up the plate of cookies, heading into the living room.

Kieron snatched a cookie immediately, bringing it to his lips, taking a big bite.

“Well?” I asked.

He smiled. “It’s good.”

“Yes, yes it is. Here, milk goes good with cookies.”

He accepted the offered glass and took a drink of it, earning him a white mustache which made me grin.

“You got something on your mouth.”

His tongue flicked out and wiped off the majority of the milk, but he missed a spot. Grinning, I leaned toward him, capturing those lips with my own, wiping off the milk with my own tongue. He allowed it to happen, but when I pulled back, he was scowling at me.

“Really, human?” he said, shaking his head. “Was that necessary?”

“I don’t hear you complaining,” I said, smirking.

He rolled his eyes.

“Today was good, right?” I asked quietly, suddenly uncertain.

“It was fine,” he told me. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“I wanted to. It’s our first Christmas together, so…”

“First, huh?”

“Yes.”

Because there would be more. A lot more. With the two of us, either in this apartment or somewhere else, but we’d be together.

Always together.

Yeah. I liked the sound of that.

 

I woke before Kieron this time. It took me a moment to realize it was Christmas, and then a smile lit my face as I rolled toward my perpetual. He was sound asleep, face serene, and I sat up, deciding to give him a taste of his own medicine, so to speak. I settled next to him and lightly pulled the covers back. He didn’t seem to notice, so I then began pushing his sweatpants down.

He shifted, and I stilled until he settled again, expression going slack again. Then I leaned down and settled my lips around him. His dick twitched in response and he shifted a little, but didn’t wake.

He’d done this to me – now I could return the favor.

I never really gave blowjobs before. Occasionally John liked it, or Rufus, but it rarely happened. And it hadn’t happened lately. I was out of practice, but I could remember Kieron’s moves on me and attempted to repeat them. I slid my tongue along the head of his semi-hard member, which was responding to my efforts at least.

I found a slow rhythm in the bobbing of my head.

I wasn’t aware Kieron was awake until a hand tangle in my hair, pushing me down the shaft a little further as my perpetual shifted under me.

“Fuck,” he muttered.

Warmth slid through me. He liked it.

 _Good_.

He aided me in my rhythm by keeping his fingers tangled in my mussed up hair, lightly pushing down and then letting up in an even pace as his cock twitched in my mouth.

Then his hand tightened in my hair and he yanked me away. I released him and frowned at him, lifting my head.

“Kie?”

His eyes were closed, a grimace on his face. “Stop.”

“Stop…? I thought… didn’t you like it?”

“Yes,” he said, “but stop.”

“Kie…?”

His eyes opened, then. They were bright. Glowing.

 _Oh_.

He was losing control. So he told me to stop.

“You said you would claim me,” I said quietly. “You can, if you want.”

He closed his eyes again, dropping down against his pillow with a heavy sigh. “You do realize the dangers with that, right? I might kill you.”

“I trust you.”

The funny thing was, _death_ never crossed my mind when thinking about him claiming me. I knew he’d control himself well enough. I trusted him implicitly, and I hadn’t trusted someone so much since Mom died.

“I don’t even know what it all involves.”

This was new for him as much as it was for me, I knew.

“I trust you,” I said again.

“You really shouldn’t.”

“Why’s that?”

He sighed and shook his head, sitting up as his eyes opened. The glow was gone now, and he pulled his pants back up before he threw his legs over the side of the bed, moving to get up. I grabbed his shoulder, forcing him to stay sitting for the time being.

“Why shouldn’t I trust you?” I asked.

“Human…”

“Just tell me. It’s okay.”

“Because…” He released a heavy sigh, scrubbing a hand over his face, gaze darting away, toward the ground. “Because I don’t trust myself.”

 _Oh_.

“I trust you. I know you won’t hurt me.”

“Already did.”

“Yeah, but now I know what I did wrong,” I told him, tightening my grip on his shoulder. “So we can avoid that.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t even know what it entails, human. I’d be going off pure instinct, which… well, you know that’s dangerous.” He paused and looked at me, gaze searching. “You _do_ know that, right?”

“You’re not dangerous.”

He barked out a laugh, his gaze dropping back to the floor.

“I mean… yeah, you’re dangerous, but not to me.”

“ _Especially_ to you.”

“No, Kie, you wouldn’t hurt me. You would have by now if that was the case,” I told him, taking a deep breath. This conversation definitely wasn’t what I had in mind when I was waking him up. He still wouldn’t look at me, so I brought my hand from his shoulder and to his chin, tilting his head toward me until those blue eyes connected with my own. “Okay, Kieron? You won’t hurt me.”

“The more I think about it,” he said quietly, “the more a part of me wants to kill you.”

A shiver slid down my spine. “Right,” I breathed. “Okay. But you won’t.”

“I might.”

“You _won’t_ ,” I repeated, and then sighed. “I thought you said you would do it. I mean, claim me.”

“Yeah, until I thought about it some more,” he muttered, shaking his head, his gaze skittering away again.

“You said you wouldn’t change your mind.”

“Human…”

“I trust you, and… if this will help you, because you keep wanting to bite me, then we should do it.”

“We’ll see,” he said.

“What’s that mean?”

“It means we’ll see how things go.”

“Kieron…”

“Why do you want it so badly, anyway?” he asked, tossing me a scowl.

I froze, because I honestly didn’t know. “I don’t know… I just… it feels like it should happen. I want it to happen.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because I love you,” I told him truthfully. “Being claimed by you wouldn’t be so bad, right?”

He watched me for a long moment, before he shook his head and got to his feet. “I’m gonna shower,” he muttered, walking toward the bathroom door.

I watched him go, sighing heavily.

He stopped just outside the door, craning his neck over his shoulder. “You’re welcome to come with me.”

I jumped up and hurried after him.

 

“We’re not late, are we?” I asked as Tommy opened the door a few hours later.

“Nope,” Tommy said, smiling at me. “Right on time. Dinner’s almost ready.”

He stepped aside, allowing us entry. We took our coats off in the doorway and hung them on the coat rack, and then toed off our shoes so we didn’t rack water everywhere from the melting snow outside. Then we entered the living room, where Tommy told us to sit while he went to check on Lacy in the kitchen, and put Amanda in her high chair.

Kieron and I sat on the couch, watching commercials on TV. There were a lot of sales going on right now. Which reminded me we still had our own presents to open, since I’d gotten him more than one thing, and I had a sneaking suspicion he got me something else, too. Because he was awesome like that. We could do that when we got back to the apartment, though.

A few minutes later Tommy gestured for us to join them in the kitchen. We entered to find the place decorated in reds and greens, and Amanda wore a little Christmas onesie as well as a small Santa hat. She looked utterly adorable, and cooed when she saw us, reaching out with a little hand.

I gave her my finger and she promptly tried to gum me to death. Scowling, I removed my finger from her mouth and sat down at the table, Kieron sitting next to me. Lacy put plates down in front of us, bit portions of homemade noodles, turkey, and mashed potatoes. It smelled delicious but I managed to hold myself back until everyone had been served, and Kieron did the same. When Lacy and Tommy sat at the table, I tore into the food in front of me, stabbing at it with my fork.

“Do you get leave on Christmas very often?” Lacy asked conversationally, glancing at Kieron.

To his credit, my perpetual shrugged coolly, slipping into the lie. “Not really, but this year is different.”

“Well, that’s good,” Lacy said, smiling. “What about you, Terry? You usually don’t celebrate, right?”

They’d invited me over in the past. I always declined.

“This year is different,” I echoed Kieron.

She looked between the two of us with a knowing smile, and turned her focus back to her food.

“How are you feeling, Kieron?” she asked a few minutes later. “I heard you were hurt? And sick?”

“Much better,” Kieron said as I closed my eyes, attempting to erase those images from my mind. “It was just a bad infection, but it’s good now.”

“Well, that’s great,” Lacy said, smiling. “I’m happy you’re okay. Tommy must have been overreacting. He sounded like you were dying.”

“No,” Kieron said with a small chuckle. “I was just sick.”

“Well, we appreciate the help,” Lacy said quietly, referring to the house break-in she thought was merely a random break-in done by humans.

“No problem,” my perpetual replied.

“I imagine Terry has been babying you.”

I opened my eyes, sighing.

“You have no idea,” Kieron said with a scowl. “He treated me like glass for a while.”

“Well, sorry,” I muttered. “I was worried.”

_Still am…_

Would always worry about him.

“I never really asked… how long have you two been together?”

Kieron and I glanced at each other. That was a hard question to answer. While traveling in Ethereal, it was hard to get a real sense of time. I didn’t even know if they counted years like we did, or if there were more or less days in a year, or anything like that. Also, I’d been on the run for my life, getting used to bonding with Kieron, and there were too many ups and downs to count. I assumed we’d been together for a year, but that was blurry because when did we ‘get together’? Was it when we bonded, when we kissed, when we fucked… or after he’d almost died on me?

“A year,” I finally said.

“Oh, that’s cute,” Lacy gushed. “I’m happy you two found each other.”

“Thanks,” I said.

“Congrats,” Tommy said, causing me to glance at him because this whole time, he’d been quiet, letting Lacy ask the questions and everything. Now he caught my eye. “As long as you’re happy.”

“I am,” I said quietly, smiling.

“And you, Kieron?” Tommy’s gaze slid toward my perpetual.

 _Fuck_.

Kieron would never say anything like that, would never admit to-

“Life’s better than it’s been for a long time,” was my perpetual’s response.

Lacy grinned and Tommy shrugged, seemingly satisfied with the answer even as I looked at Kieron.

He wouldn’t quite meet my eye, but warmth brushed against my mind, leaving me smiling.

_Best Christmas ever…_


	55. Be Yourself

Chapter Fifty-Five: Be Yourself

 

_“Ashere, what are you doing?”_

_Ashere looked up at me, grinning. He had this boyish smile, full of hidden enthusiasm. He seldom showed it, though. “I don’t hear you complaining.”_

_“Because you keep ignoring me,” I muttered, tossing him a quick glare. He currently rested on the bed next to me, but half on my lap. The proximity was… strange. A part of me wanted to shove him. Another part didn’t mind the warmth._

_Very strange. Perhaps the animalistic half only had a problem with non-perpetuals?_

_“I was told to keep an eye on you, Kieron.”_

_I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, keep an eye on me. Not your **hands**.”_

_His hands just couldn’t stay at his sides. I didn’t know perpetuals could be so touchy. Bekkah was touchy when she was a kid, but she was well over two hundred now. Time didn’t really fly, but it didn’t pass by slowly, either. It was this constant presence in the back of my mind, but I never really paid attention to it. There was no point. I had forever, and forever was too long._

_I pulled away from Ashere’s touch, moving to get out of bed. I wasn’t sure why I even stayed here last night. I was tired, and hungry, and the bed was comfortable enough and Ashere offered food. Of course he offered food – he’d been traveling with me for a while now. How long? Time had no real meaning anymore. A day? Week? Year?_

_It didn’t matter._

_Rough hands grabbed my shoulders, yanking me back into my previous position. I growled under my breath. He knew I was stronger than him – why did he bother with acts of strength? Nevertheless I stayed put, mostly because the bed was warm and I was still tired. Healing was… exhausting, to put it simply._

_“I don’t hear you complaining about my hands,” Ashere said._

_“Yeah? Move them. Off. Away. Stop touching me.”_

_“I think I’ll stay put, thanks.”_

_Another growl. “Ashere… I mean it.”_

_He seemed to sense I was serious, and sighed as he released me, rolling away from me. I sat up, scrubbed a hand across my face, and climbed out of bed._

_I needed to leave. At least for a little while._

_The company was okay sometimes – but I needed time away, time on my own._

_Ashere was too warm._

_“Kieron… stay here tonight…”_

_Why did he insist on talking when we were like this? It made no sense. Snarling, I bit down hard on his lower lip, silencing him from further speech as his hands tightened around my shoulders, pulling me down on top of him. I relented only because Ashere was incredibly stubborn and would only keep doing this until I gave in. Or punched him. Either way, he was stubborn._

_Being intimate with Ashere was different. I wasn’t sure if I liked it or hated it. I didn’t have to be careful with him because he was a perpetual, too, and I didn’t have to worry about breaking a bone or anything. Or, rather, nothing that couldn’t be fixed quickly. With Tika it was different. He knew I was a perpetual, but not that I was animalistic._

_Well… not until…_

**_“You… You hurt me! Get the fuck away!”_ **

_But thoughts of him were better left in the past. He’d died twenty years ago, anyway, five years after we split on less-than-good terms. Wrong place, wrong time. At least his death was quick._

_With Ashere, though… I didn’t have to be careful. He didn’t care if I hurt him. He knew I was animalistic._

_It was… easy._

_So easy._

_I could be me._

_“Kieron… I’m **sorry** …”_

_I shrugged, pulling away from the offered warmth. “It’s fine. I don’t care.”_

_“Kieron, please…”_

_“See you around, Ashere.”_

_I spun on my heel, then. I wasn’t even sure why I wanted to leave so badly, but I did. Maybe it was because I’d been here too long. It happened sometimes – after two centuries of friendship, or whatever it was we had, we eventually got tired of each other. I’d leave for a while, be it days, months, years… but inevitably I’d end up right back here, at his door._

_He snagged my wrist and spun me back around, leaving me snarling as my back hit the wall. His brown eyes slid up to meet mine, narrowing as they searched._

_“Don’t be like that,” he said. “It’s not like I had a choice.”_

_“Not blaming you,” I said. “And let go.”_

_“Kieron…”_

_I shoved him away. He staggered back, releasing me as he sighed heavily, shaking his head._

_“I don’t want to fight, Kie.”_

_“We’re not fighting.”_

_“I don’t even like her, Kieron.”_

_“I said it was fine.”_

_And it was, really. Being higher up on the food chain, he had responsibilities to uphold, demands to meet. I knew this. I wasn’t upset about that. I was more upset about the fact he didn’t tell me – I had to find out myself._

_“Kieron, I’m sorry.”_

_“You should have told me.”_

_“I know, I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I wasn’t sure how to tell you.”_

_Anything would have been better than to find out because of his scent. Ashere’s scent had always been filled with this heavy musk – now it was light and faint. Off the market, so to speak. Hiding itself from everyone but his bonded._

_He started a bond with another perpetual, and I found out a month after the fact, in the middle of snapping at his neck. The scent was strong near the shoulder, along the dip down toward the arm. It took longer for bond-made wounds to heal; there was still a faint, barely noticeable outline of the cut which started it._

_“Let me explain.”_

_“Nothing to explain, Ashere.” I shrugged and nodded toward the door. “I’m leaving now. Have fun with… Blaine, was it?”_

_“It’s not like that, Kieron. We don’t… We’re not together,” he told me. “We’re just bonded. I’ve barely even spoken to her!”_

_“Ash, it’s fine,” I told him. “I don’t care.”_

_“Because you never do, right?”_

_“Perpetuals don’t,” I told him. “Clearly you have forgotten that.”_

_“We’re friends, Kie.”_

_“Sure.”_

_“We can still… we can…”_

_“I might be animalistic,” I snapped, glaring at him, “but I still have morals. That does not include cheating on your new fuck buddy.”_

_“It’s not like that,” he snarled back, brown eyes narrowing. “Fuck, you can be such an ass, Kieron. We can still hang out. We can still-”_

_“Fuck?” I filled in, quirking a brow at him and the way he seemed to shrink back, nodding slowly. “Interesting theory, Ashere. But no.”_

_I looked him over, then, head to toe and back again. A body I knew very well. A personality nearly compatible with my own. And then I turned around, toward the door, my hand easing around the handle._

_“Have a nice life, Ashere.”_

 

I came awake snarling, with Kieron’s hands holding my shoulders down, his lips pressed firmly against mine. It took a moment for conscious thought to filter through my red-hazed mind, but when it did I managed to lightly push at his shoulder. He pulled back, looking down at me with narrowed blue eyes.

“What the fuck was that?” he hissed. “Do you _want_ to kill the whole fucking complex?”

“W-What?”

“I don’t know what you were dreaming about, but you had the neighbors screaming.”

“N-Neighbors?”

“Only the perpetuals,” he said, shaking his head. “No, you didn’t hurt anyone, just gave them a headache. So what the fuck was that?”

I shook my head as he sat back more, slipping away from me. “I… I don’t…”

The memories of that dream, his memories, returned to me, leaving me snarling again. His eyes narrowed further, a warning to stop, and I swallowed the sound back down, pushing myself into a sitting position.

“Did you love Ashere?” I asked.

He watched me for a moment. “Why the hell would you think that?”

“Because I _saw_ it,” I snapped, glaring at him. “You _liked_ him! You liked being with him!”

“Once upon a time, yeah,” he said. “We had fun.”

“It was more than that.”

“What’s it matter now? It’s over and it’s been over for centuries,” he told me.

I took in a slow breath. “I… I don’t… Just… did you?”

“Love him? No, human. I did like being friends with him. I liked not having to… control myself, like I did with everyone else. I could lose control a little and he was fine with it. It was…”

“Easy,” I murmured, echoing him from the memory.

He said it was easy to be with Ashere, because he didn’t have to hold back. Ashere wouldn’t break under his touch – he could be rough and violent all he wanted. Me, on the other hand… I was human. Weak. Fragile. Pathetic. He always had to be worried about keeping control. He’d already hurt me once – he never had to worry about that when he was with Ashere.

“Do you… Are you happy with me?” I asked quietly, closing my eyes because a part of me didn’t want to hear the answer. I wasn’t sure what I’d do if he said no. If he said it was easier with Ashere, and I was just a big hassle he didn’t need.

“I’m not going anywhere, if that’s what you’re asking,” he said. “Yes, it was easy with Ashere. That didn’t mean it was perfect. We fought a lot. I knocked him out a few times. He knocked me out, too. Half of our relationship was centered around… stress relief.”

“Sex,” I muttered, scowling as I opened my eyes.

“Sometimes,” he said. “Or fighting. Either way, it helped. By the time I left he was almost a challenge.”

“You didn’t want to kill him.”

“… Not like I do with you, no,” he said quietly, leaving me swallowing thickly, gaze focused on the covers still half on my legs. “I can’t explain it. It wasn’t like I… _liked_ being with him like that – it was just easy. It was nice to just be me for a while.”

“Why can’t you be open with _me_?” I asked, sighing heavily.

_We’re bonded… and you can’t even be yourself with me…_

What was the point in being together like this if he could never be himself? If he always had to stay in control, could never give an inch… always had to hide what he really was… because I was weak and pathetic…

“Hey,” he said quietly, fingers hooking under my chin, causing me to take in a shaky breath and lift my gaze toward his face. “It’s not like that, okay? I can be open differently with you. I didn’t say it was bad.”

“W-What are you saying? Differently how?”

“With Ashere… I didn’t have to control myself _physically_. Yes, that was nice – I could be rough and bite and whatever all I wanted. But-”

“You bit him,” I muttered. “You claimed him.”

“I fucking did no such thing,” he snapped, whatever gentleness present in his eyes dispersing, hardening, fingers digging somewhat painfully into the skin of my chin where fingers and thumb met. “I like to _bite_ , human. That doesn’t mean I wanted to _claim_ him. Animals bite. It was different.”

I released a slow breath, attempting to reign in my out of control emotions. I wasn’t sure why I was so worried about this. It happened _centuries_ ago, and it had clearly been over for a long time. There was no point in worrying about the past.

“As I was _saying_ ,” he said with a sharp look, hinting that I shouldn’t interrupt him again, “I could be open physically. With you… it’s more mental.”

“Mental?” I echoed, frowning at him.

“The mental link,” he said. “It’s… different than being able to lose control physically, but it’s not bad. You and Ashere are two entirely different people. If I wanted you to be just like him, I would just go back to him.”

I tried to find comfort in that. But right now all I could picture was Ashere in bed with Kieron, and-

“Human,” Kieron snapped when I started growling.

“Sorry,” I sighed, shaking my head. “I’m… being ridiculous, huh?”

“You always are,” he told me. His fingers released my chin, his hand dropping away. I caught it with my own, clutching at the fingers still warm from skin-to-skin contact.

“Sorry for snapping at you, Kieron.”

“It’s fine. Just don’t make a habit out of it. You’re going to see memories of me with other people – but it’s in the past. And it’s _been_ in the past for a long time.”

“I know… I just… it’s hard.”

“We’ll work on it,” he said.

“How?”

“I don’t know, but we’ll find a way.”

 

The next few days were spent in this blissful sort of peace, with just the two of us. It was cold outside, a thick layer of snow on the ground, so it was comfortable to be cooped up inside and not have to worry about going out. Kieron made sure we were stocked on groceries a day before the snow hit even the news said it was only going to be a ‘light dusting’, but he said his ‘senses’ detected otherwise. I would always trust him over the weather guy any day, I noted after glancing out the window to at least a foot of snow on top of everything.

I hadn’t had any other memories concerning Ashere, or anyone else, for which I was grateful. I didn’t like feeling like that, especially about something that happened centuries ago, but I couldn’t help it. Every time I thought of Kieron with someone else… him being that close to someone else, opening up to them, being himself around them…

It made me wonder if it was right to keep him with me.

He could be himself around Ashere. True, Ashere was bonded to Blaine, but he was technically ‘single’ now. They could get back together. I knew Ashere wouldn’t argue if I suggested it. Kieron could lose control all he wanted and not have to worry about it because Ashere wasn’t fragile like me and my weak human body.

I loved my perpetual, but I wanted him to be happy. I hated the idea of him with anyone else, but I also hated the thought of him being unhappy with me. Was he just humoring me, being here with me so I didn’t lose control of whatever power I had, or did he really want to be here?

Either way, he couldn’t be himself around me.

And everyone deserved to be themselves.

I had no idea how to bring this up with him, though. Every time I tried, I faltered when he looked at me because how could I say it? How could I ask if he wanted to leave? What would I do if he said yes? If he got up and walked out that door and didn’t come back, not because of an attack, but because he didn’t want to…

For the time being, I could be happy with whatever he gave me, even if it would all end soon. Even if he walked away. Even if I wasn’t worth the trouble.

His shoulder knocked into mine, pulling me from my thoughts. “What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing,” I muttered. “Absolutely nothing.”

“Human…”

“I just… Do you…”

_How can I ask him… what if he leaves…_

If he wanted to leave, who was I to stop him? I knew we were different, and we always would be. Yes, I could live longer now due to our connection, but I was still human. I could still break easily, could be killed easily, and if we stayed together like this, he’d always have to control himself. He’d always have to worry about that, worry about going too far and hurting me. And I’d be asking him to give me something he never could for that very reason.

Because he couldn’t truly be himself with me.

“Human?”

I closed my eyes, chewing on my lower lip as I attempted to find the words, the strength to say any of them.

_What if he leaves…_

“Are you happy here?” I asked.

“I thought I already answered this.”

“Just… humor me. Are you happy with me? Or… Or do you… I mean…” I drew in a shaky breath, releasing it quickly, lungs too constricted to hold the air at the moment. “It’s hard to be with me, right? So… if you… if you w-want, you can… you can l-leave…”

My voice shook as I spoke, words wavering in the middle, but nevertheless I finally said some of what I was thinking. It took everything I had to do so, and I only could because my eyes were tightly closed, my head bowed. I could do this if I didn’t look at him, right? I could do this if I didn’t see… didn’t see the _relief_ or anything on his face…

Kieron was quiet for a long moment. So long I wasn’t even sure he was next to me anymore, until he sighed, shifting somewhat, either closer or further away, I couldn’t tell.

“Do you want me to leave?” he asked quietly.

“I… I… It doesn’t matter what I want,” I muttered. “Just… if you… if you want to leave… then that’s okay.”

It _wasn’t_ okay, but I had to be okay with this.

It was just hard, because after everything we’d been through… thinking he might want to leave because he could never be himself around me…

It hurt.

A lot.

 _Fuck_.

“Is this because of Ashere? The memories, I mean.”

I sighed, eyes shutting tighter, almost painfully so. “You don’t have to worry about losing control with him.”

“Human… Terry. Terry, I told you already, being with you isn’t _bad_. It’s different, sure, but not bad.”

“But you can never be yourself, Kieron.”

“I’ve never been myself.”

I frowned, wanting to look at him, but I kept my eyes closed and my head bowed. “What do you mean?”

“It’s always been… forbidden, I guess. To be animalistic. I guess I just got so used to hiding it – hiding _me_ – that I latched onto Ashere without thinking, because he didn’t care. That doesn’t mean I was ever really _myself_ with him. I’m not sure I even know what that means.”

I chanced opening my eyes, then, quickly glancing at him and his downcast gaze, this pitiful expression on his face. Sympathy burned through my chest as I reached toward him, lightly grabbing his arm until those blue eyes lifted and caught my own.

“You have to control yourself with me,” I said quietly. “Or, at least, you think you do. But with Ashere… you didn’t have to. I… I don’t like it, but… I’ll understand if you want to… if you…”

“If I want to go back to Ashere,” he said flatly.

I nodded, ducking my head, dropping my gaze toward the floor.

_I won’t be okay with it, but I’ll work on it._

“Terry, if I wanted to be with Ashere, I would have stayed with him when he offered to keep our ‘relationship’ after he was bonded to Blaine.”

“But…”

“I don’t want to be with Ashere. I don’t think I ever really did. I liked…. I guess I liked the _idea_ of him, of someone not caring about what I was, but… I think that’s all.” He was quiet for a moment, before he sighed heavily. Fingers hooked under my chin, lifting my gaze toward his own. “Besides, that’s what you’re here for now, right?”

My lips pulled back into a faint smile. “Yeah,” I said quietly, “that’s what I’m here for.”


	56. Lose Control

Chapter Fifty-Six: Lose Control

 

_How many licks does it take…_

Not to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

_How many licks does it take to get to the center of my perpetual…_

I decided I liked waking Kieron up like this. It was nice payback for when he did it to me, and it was also something I could do for him. Not necessarily for payback since I didn’t intend on doing this and then leaving him here to deal with it like he did to me, but because I liked doing things for him. He did things for me all the time – this felt like I was returning the favor.

Plus, watching him wake like this was priceless. Feeling his cock twitch to life inside my mouth as my tongue swirled this way and that, tasting the sweet touch of his skin along my taste buds, sliding my tongue along the shaft…

After six quick licks and three slow swirls of my tongue, along his shaft and across his head, hands tangled in my hair, his body tensing beneath me as he released a ragged breath.

“Human,” he said breathily, and I liked that voice. Liked it a lot. It was thick and laced with sleep, but also husky and breathy in all the right ways.

It did things to me.

He wasn’t semi-hard anymore, but was completely hard now, filling my mouth.

All too soon he was pushing me away, though.

“Stop,” he breathed.

 _No_.

“Human,” he hissed when I kept my lips firmly clamped over the head of his cock, “ _stop_.”

If we were going to be together, he needed to learn he could lose control sometimes. I trusted him not to hurt me, and he couldn’t keep telling me to stop every time we got close these days. He didn’t used to before he accidentally hurt me – now it was rare if he was this close to me at all.

I hated this distance.

So, no, I wasn’t going to let go. I wasn’t going to move away.

No matter how much he told me to. He wasn’t moving away. He could push me off easily if he really wanted to, and yet he only pushed at my chest, lifted with his hand, and then let it drop, let me stay put. So he wanted this as much as I did, but kept denying it. Kept pushing me away.

_Well, not this time._

I continued to bob my head and he continued to let me, until he sharply yanked my head up, growling at me. I looked up to find his eyes bright and glowing as they narrowed at me, his teeth a little elongated and sharpened as he snarled.

“ _Stop_ ,” he hissed.

“Kie,” I said quietly, moving away from his legs and instead sitting next to his stomach as I leaned over him, looking into those bright eyes, “it’s okay. You don’t have to worry about it.”

“Go… away.”

“No, Kie,” I murmured, smiling at him. “I’m not going anywhere.” My fingers traced across his jawline, up toward his cheek and then back down even as his lips pulled back further, eyes glowing a little more. A part of me knew I should have been worried, but I actually liked that brightness in his eyes. It was all _Kieron_. Him without his mental restraints. Completely and utterly _him_. And I liked it.

“Stop,” he snapped.

“Make me,” I said. “But I don’t think you will.”

“Hurt you.”

“You won’t. I trust you.”

“Shouldn’t.”

Short, clipped responses.

_Getting there._

Despite the fact I trusted him, my pulse quickened in anticipation as I watched him slowly losing control. Watched him be more… like himself.

_Be yourself, Kieron._

“Trust you, Kie. But if you don’t want me… then…” I took a breath, steeling myself. “I guess I’ll just _leave_.”

His sudden movement wasn’t unexpected. One second I was sitting next to him, the next I was on my back, pinned beneath him, his hands digging into my shoulders, his nose sniffing at my neck, little snarls vibrating against my skin.

“Only kidding,” I said quietly. “Not going anywhere, Kieron.”

“Should go away.”

“But I won’t. I trust you. So… fuck me, yeah?”

“No.”

I glared at him, pushing a hand at his chest even as he growled at the movement. He was still in control enough to move back, though. “Did you just say _no_? To me? Your boyfriend? Who is very _willing_ at the moment?”

His lips pulled back, but not into a snarl. At least, not completely. There was a feral grin in that look.

“Exactly,” I said, watching him, fingers curling in the fabric of his shirt as I pulled him back down. “So get to work, Kie-Kie.”

His mouth was warm against mine, but even so, I could feel him holding back. Feel him attempting to pull away. While the attempt was only half-hearted, it still left me glaring as I pulled back enough to look him in the eye.

“Unless you _want_ me to leave,” I said. “I could always take my business elsewhere, you know.”

I knew I was pushing my luck when I shoved semi-harshly against his chest, attempting to push him away so I could get up, but I did trust him. I wasn’t lying when I said that, and I knew we’d need to do this sooner or later. Not simply for my sake – I did like the thought of him claiming me, after all, it sent little chills down my spine in all the right ways – but because he seemed to need it. It was what that part of him, the animalistic part, wanted to do, and if letting this happened could help him in some way… let him actually _be himself_ around me… then yes, this needed to happen.

And he wouldn’t do it without a little nudge in the right direction, I knew. So, yes, I provoked him.

As expected, he snarled, pushed me back down, and then his teeth were at my neck, biting, digging. At first it hurt. Blood dripped down my neck from the rough hold, teeth pinched together with skin caught between. I stopped pushing at his chest and went limp, clenching my eyes tightly closed against the onslaught of stinging pain.

“Not going anywhere,” I said. “Okay? Not… I’m not leaving. I’m here.”

The tight hold of my skin between his teeth continued for a moment, and I wondered if I did the right thing, or if I still said something wrong, but he wasn’t biting deeper, or really tearing further into my flesh. The moment passed quickly enough, and the teeth slid out of my skin, blood hot on my neck before a tongue slid easily across the raw wound, instantly soothing the pain and cleaning my neck simultaneously.

“Last-” A Bite. “-chance to-” A lick. “-back out.”

“Kie…”

“Gonna lose-” Bite. “-control in a-” Bite, lick. “-second.”

“Go ahead,” I told him, taking in a slow breath. “Go right ahead, Kieron.”

_Do it. Claim me._

I shouldn’t have been so… _thrilled_ about this, and yet I was. I couldn’t help it. If he waited much longer, I wasn’t sure what I’d do.

I wrapped my arms around him, drawing him closer, his mouth running further against the outline of my neck as my hands slipped down his sides and toward the curve of his hips, his pants still down from my earlier attempts at getting close. The closer I got, the more he growled, until he finally lifted his head, sharp, bright blue eyes staring down at me, a snarl evident on his lips as his mouth crushed against my own almost painfully, our teeth knocking together, sending short bursts of pain through my head. The pain was brief, and was overcome a second later when his hand slid under my sweatpants and underwear, grasping my cock which had been more than a little semi-hard this whole time.

I gasped into his mouth as he yanked it free of the clothing, swallowing down a whimper when he teased the head with a deft flick of his thumb. He was entirely too goddamn good at this, I noted somewhat breathlessly as he’d yet to release the kiss, and his other hand was inching up my side, tickling the skin, and-

His teeth bit down on my lower lip, not really painfully but enough to make me wince and ignore the fingers trailing up and down my side. His movements down lower soon caught my full attention, anyway, as he pulled away from my mouth and sniffed at my neck, allowing me a second to breathe properly.

“Mm…” he breathed against my skin. “Smell good.”

I never knew what to say to that. “You too,” I tried.

He paused for a moment, nipping at my neck. “Stop me.”

“W-What?”

“Stop me.”

“Kieron…?”

“Stop-” A growl, a bite. “-me.”

“No,” I said quietly.

“ _Stop me_.”

I closed my eyes, swallowing thickly. “No.”

“ _Stop-_ ”

“Kieron,” I said softly, “just let it happen. It’s okay. I trust you. Just… let it happen. Lose control.”

“Stop-”

“It’s okay, Kieron. Please.”

“ _Stop me, Terry._ ”

That left my eyes opening, left my hand pushing lightly against his chest as I swallowed thickly. His head pulled back enough, those bright eyes scanning over my face even as a snarl tugged his lips back. “Kieron?”

“Can’t.”

“Can’t what?”

His eyes closed. “Gonna hurt you.”

“You won’t.”

“ _Can’t-_ ”

“Kie, hey, look at me,” I said, dragging a hand up to cup one side of his face. His eyes opened slowly, still bright and glowing. “I love you, okay? And I trust you. You won’t hurt me, and this will help you, I think. And don’t think I don’t want this, okay? Because I do. So just… let go, Kieron.”

“Let go,” he echoed.

“Yeah, let go. Let go of the control. Just… be yourself.”

“Can’t.”

I drew in a slow breath. “Remember what you did with Ashere?”

“Physical. Yes.”

“Yeah? Well… give me what you could never give to him.”

_Give me everything._

His eyes brightened further, and then his mouth was against my own again, and his hands were moving again, and before I knew it I was lost in this wave of pleasure as the mental link opened, ignited with warmth, and I felt so-

_Safecompletewholewarmeverythingtogethersafecompletewhole-_

Being like this, with his hand around my dick, with the bond open... it was better than I could have imagined. Because the bond opened like this was, in itself, amazing and I always felt so _giddy_ and warm and everything, and now this, too…

_I love you, Kieron…_

Warmth nudged against my thoughts, words and feelings too quick to decipher, but they left a vague imprint anyway. Vague and warm and complete and-

His mouth released my own, only to slip back down my neck toward that same spot as he breathed in deeply, his breath hot and strong against the sensitive skin. There was no pain, of course, but it felt like every single inch of me had their nerves ignited into hyper-sensitivity, and every touch, breath and movement left me wanting to whine with _happiness_ because-

Kieron slid away from me, then, mouth leaving my neck, hands leaving my cock, and I shot him a quick look, fighting back the growl lodged in my throat. Why was he doing this to me? Why?

His gaze darted briefly toward the bedside table, more specifically at the drawer, and then back to me. His eyes were so bright, and he was growling under his breath, but I took the question for what it was and nodded. A second later I was scrambling toward the bedside table, clawing at the drawer even as he snarled and roughly tossed me back into my previous position, hovering over me with this feral snarl on his face.

“Whoa, Kie, it’s okay,” I said quickly. “I’m not going anywhere, okay? I was… The lube…”

He blinked down at me for a long moment, still quietly snarling, before he then shifted, moving toward the drawer. He pulled the bottle of lube out and then immediately slid back on top of me, straddling my waist, keeping me pinned though I had absolutely no intention of moving any time soon.

I had to keep reminding myself that this wasn’t really Kieron. Well, not like I knew him, anyway. He was out of control right now. Still a little controlled because he was at least thoughtful enough to wait for the lube, and even send me that quick questioning glance, but he was still out of control. I had to tread lightly so I didn’t push him away completely – and have him never want to come near me again – and I had to make sure I didn’t accidentally do something that made him hurt me, because, again, he’d never come near me again.

I needed to be careful.

I took mental notes.

_Alright… so… telling him I’m not going anywhere seems to work, as does staying completely still. Submitting, is that what he said? If I try to move I have to quickly go still and tell him I’m not trying to leave. He calms a little then._

This was all still new to me, though, and I knew it was new for him, too.

He told me to stop him. Practically _begged me_ to stop him. But he needed this, and I wanted this, and we needed to just let this happen. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me – he was Kieron, and I loved him and he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. If I stayed calm, made no move to leave or push him away, I would be fine and he wouldn’t feel guilty when this was over.

I wasn’t aware he’d even started using the lube until a slick, wet finger slipped into my hole, rendering a gasp from me because that lube was _cold_ , and very sudden. Another finger was quickly added while I was still trying to get used to the first one. This one wasn’t as slicked up as the first, but together they managed to slick up the entrance quite nicely, stretching me in the process. A third finger was added, scissoring in with the first two, leaving me releasing a breathy sigh as pleasure started sparking through me.

Warmth in my mind, that completeness I felt so deep inside of me. And now this, with him at my entrance. And him going to claim me…

There were no words to describe how utterly happy and content I was at that very moment.

The fingers pulled out. Almost immediately my legs were grabbed, forced apart and lifted, his hands holding them down as his own hardness pressed against the prepared entrance. A second later his head pressed in, and then more. It happened quickly but still felt like forever, because I suddenly couldn’t wait for him to get inside of me. It was this urgent need coursing through me, this sense of-

“ _Fuck me_ ,” I gasped as he pushed all the way in, only to quickly pull back out, slamming in again.

He snarled in response, his hands tightening around my legs but I didn’t care about that right now. All I cared about was-

“ _Fuck_ , Kieron, God…”

He was too fucking _good at this_. Too good at doing this to me, making me feel like this. Too good at _fucking me_.

Somewhere in the middle of him hitting _that spot_ and trying to breathe correctly through the haze of bliss and pleasure, his mouth had reconnected with my neck, his body pinning mine to the bed as it leaned over me as much as it could, between my spread legs. When I managed to clear my vision enough I noticed that his hair was longer, shaggier, and… did he have ears?

Releasing a shaky breath, I brought a hand up, running it along the top of his head as he bit at my neck with a low growl, stiffening somewhat beneath my touch. My fingers slid over the pointed curve of a fuzzy blue ear and that growl cut off, leaving his tense muscles relaxing as he bit down harder on my neck, but there was no pain.

What was it he said about his ears?

He said they were sensitive, when Bekkah wanted to touch them when they were little.

 _Sensitive_.

I carded my fingers through his thick hair, gliding my fingertips along the outline of his ears before I went back through the hair and back again to the ears. All the while a warmth filled me, leaving me feeling yet again like I was floating.

I came quickly and semi-violently, still in a haze of _oh God yes_ from having the bond open while we were doing this, the full bond open. When I felt complete and warm and-

He didn’t stop when I came, but then, I didn’t really expect him to. He made me last three times last time – I could only imagine what this was going to be like, but I was looking forward to it.

There was a twinge of pain in my neck, leaving me gasping, before his tongue smoothed over the area of stinging pain, numbing it and cooling the heat. A push and pull of sensations, just like before.

All the while he was still slamming in and out of me.

Always hitting _that spot_.

Since he was leaning over me, between my legs, his body managed to keep my legs up and apart, which left his hands free. I didn’t really notice this until his hand closed around my throbbing dick, which twitched hopefully as his fingers suddenly slipped around it. His fingers were still semi-wet from the lube, feeling hot and cold as they slid along the shaft.

I brought my own hand up, the other tangled in his hair, and pinched lightly at his shirt. We both still wore clothes, I realized belatedly. Our pants were just pushed down. Well, actually, Kieron tossed my pants off a while ago, but he was still fully clothed, so to speak. Why was he always fully clothed?

My fingers curled around the bottom hem of his shirt, lifting upward. He snarled into my neck but didn’t stop me, and even maneuvered his arms to let me take his shirt off, his hand then closing around my dick again.

Once I could finally see his sides, I brought my hand from his hair and smoothed both hands down his smooth sides, loving the feel of his warmth as he kept thrusting into me. As the second orgasm built, I clutched at him for all I was worth, attempting to control my breathing but it was a losing battle as I came breathlessly, panting heavily afterward, exhaustion racing through me but I knew it wasn’t over yet.

The thrill of this knowledge left my dick still hard in Kieron’s grasp.

_Too fucking good at this…_

The third orgasm came quickly, as well, but still we weren’t done.

“ _Fuck_ ,” I gasped.

Well on my way to my _fifth_ orgasm in the span of twenty minutes, Kieron bit deeply into my neck. I felt the blood slipping across my skin, hot and sticky. I felt his teeth pressing against nerves, pinching them, severing them momentarily, as he held that bite. He didn’t tighten his hold or pull away, just held it there, my skin caught between his razor-sharp teeth, low snarls emitting from his throat.

I expected nothing but pain from this, when the numbness wore off, since he was no longer licking the wounded area. He just held this bite for what felt like forever, and then the bite _deepened_ , teeth pinching closer together, grinding the skin caught in the middle. And still there was no pain.

Instead, my hyper-sensitive nerves sprang to life, filling my mind with little bursts of-

 _Oh, fuck, **yes**_ -

I wasn’t sure if I came that fifth time because of him continuously hitting _that spot_ , or because my mind was a haze of bliss due to that particular bite. Either way, I was lost to this sea of _rightness_ and _completeness_.

So lost to it I couldn’t think.

Could barely _breathe_.

Couldn’t even _see_ , though my eyes were open.

 

I came down from the haze sometime later, with Kieron next to me. My back was pressed against his stomach, his arm firmly thrown over my waist, fingers curving beneath the bottom hip, pressing into my skin in a way that should have probably been painful, but I didn’t feel it. His face was nuzzled in the back of my neck, his breaths warm yet ticklish against my still too-sensitive skin.

I felt sticky all over, resting on still-damp, sticky sheets, the only warmth that of Kieron’s body pressed against my own. I shifted a little, yawning as I reached for the comforter which had been pushed to the side prior to starting any of this, so it was clean. As I moved, though, I must have forgotten that one rule.

Kieron snarled and bit the back of my neck, leaving me wincing as I went limp, settling back against him.

“Kie?” I whispered.

His response was to continue to growl, tightening his hold on me, biting at the back of my neck again. I released a slow breath, because it was tender but not exactly painful.

My fingers found his own, plucked them out from under my hip, and threaded together.

“Not going anywhere,” I told him.

The growl eased off, his teeth slipping away from my skin, replaced by his quiet breaths.

 _He’s not even awake_.

He wasn’t awake and yet he still knew if I shifted at all.

Warmth ebbed through me. It took me a second to realize the bond was _still_ open, still completely open, and the warmth rubbing against my mind was Kieron’s thoughts. If I concentrated, I could make out quick words in the hot whirlwind that was his mind colliding with my own.

**_… mine… kill if…_ ** **mine _… human…_**

I smiled even as my free hand reached out, fingers scraping against the edge of the comforter. Finally I managed to grab it without shifting away from Kieron at all – not that he’d let me, of course – and pulled it toward us, draping it over our bodies. Kieron stiffened in response, but didn’t growl and relaxed quickly enough, breaths deep and even.

I’d never felt to complete in my entire life. Never felt so _content_.

I closed my eyes.

_Love you, Kieron._

Because he was _mine_ and I was _his_ and I’d never been happier.


	57. Change in the Air

Chapter Fifty-Seven: Change in the Air

 

I woke wrapped in Kieron’s arms. It was so warm and comfortable, like it was _meant to be_ , and I had no desire to move. For a long moment I lay there, confused as to why I woke up and why my heart was racing, until I heard the knocking again. Someone was knocking on the door; we had company. I ignored it for the time being, content with staying in bed with Kieron. The perpetual who _claimed me_ last night. The bond wasn’t _as_ open right now but I still felt so incredibly warm and at peace.

Kieron finally claimed me. It wasn’t painful; he didn’t hurt me like he was afraid he would. He finally let go and lost control, but in all the right ways. And now we were closer because of it, and I thought it actually helped him. This would help him not be so conflicted, I was sure. Because lately he’d been so conflicted it left him almost unwilling to come near me at all, and be close to me. That was unacceptable; now he’d claimed me and that could stop.

The knocking continued, though. Loud. Banging.

And then I heard the door creak open. I needed to fix the hinges on that thing, but the door was fine except for it being a little loud. It made sneaking out hard, but I had no intentions of going anywhere. It also meant I could hear it when someone came in unannounced.

Instantly I was trying to pull free of Kieron’s grip.

He snarled and tightened his hold on me.

“Kieron, someone’s here,” I said quickly. “Kieron, c’mon. Look at me.”

His eyes opened, still too bright for him to really be in control. I swallowed, bringing a hand to his face.

“Kieron, c’mon. Someone’s in the apartment. Focus, okay? Kie?”

He blinked slowly a few times before he nodded, but his eyes were still bright.

“Bekkah and Ashere,” he said.

Instantly I was growling. He smiled, actually _smiled_ , and pulled me down toward him, his lips claiming my own. I gave into the contact until I heard someone knocking at the bedroom door. Kieron growled and allowed me to move away enough to sit up, but beyond that, he still held tight to my waist, my skin still incredibly sensitive to his touch.

“Go away,” Kieron called to our uninvited guests.

“We can’t,” Bekkah said. “It’s important.”

“It can wait,” I said.

It could wait forever, because everything was perfect right now.

“Put some clothes on,” Bekkah said.

“How do you know we’re naked?” I snapped.

“I didn’t,” she said, chuckling. “But now I do.”

“Kieron,” Ashere growled.

A growl caught in my throat even as Kieron tightened his hold on me, sitting up behind me, pulling me closer to him. His lips met my neck, leaving me swallowing thickly because _fuck_ , I shouldn’t have enjoyed that tiny bit of contact that much. This was crazy.

“I’m coming in,” Ashere said.

“If you come in,” Kieron said lowly, his breath hot against my skin, sending chills down my spine both from the warning tone and the feel of it against me, “I will hurt you.”

“Kieron?”

“Just… um… we’ll be out in a few,” I said. “Just wait on the couch.”

“Very well,” Bekkah said. I could hear her walking away and it sounded like she was dragging Ashere with her.

I turned my attention back toward my perpetual.

Who had his teeth against my skin.

“Smell good,” he breathed, tightening his arms around me, my body still entirely too sensitive to his heat against me, to his teeth on my skin and his breath against me.

“Kieron… We should, um… w-we have company…”

His hand had inched lower, releasing my hip to instead slip toward my groin. My body reacted immediately and my breath caught in my throat as his fingers teased an area that was entirely too sensitive right now.

“Kieron… company…”

His tongue slid over my neck as he sighed heavily, removing his hand from my groin and just sitting there for a moment, face buried against my neck as he breathed deeply.

“Okay,” he said. “I’m okay now.”

“Okay now?” I repeated, frowning. “What do you mean?”

“You have ten minutes,” he told me. “After that… I’m going to hurt someone.”

My eyes widened even as I nodded. He still wasn’t entirely in control. I could understand that; we both thought we’d have more time to get used to everything. WE didn’t know we’d be having company immediately following the claiming. I knew it was hard for him when I left after we had sex; I could only imagine how hard this was right now. He was at least in control enough to talk and give me ten minutes. Ten minutes for us to talk to Ashere and Bekkah.

“Stay in contact at all times,” Kieron told me as I moved to climb out of bed, his fingers catching my wrist. “And no clothes.”

“What?” I gasped. “I’m not going to go in there naked!”

His lips pulled back into a snarl before he took a breath and closed his eyes. A moment later he opened them, the blue color greatly dimmed, back to its usual hue except a tiny bit brighter since he still wasn’t really in control.

“I will hurt you,” he told me seriously. “If you try to leave. Don’t make me.”

“K-Kie…”

“And we can wrap up in this,” he said, tugging the comforter from the bed.

He draped it over our shoulders, standing right behind me as I clasped the edges of the comforter, keeping it covering us. I sighed and began moving toward the bedroom door.

After opening it we stepped out of the bedroom and toward the living room. Bekkah and Ashere looked at us as we approached. Bekkah smiled; Ashere scowled.

“What the hell?” Ashere asked.

I shrugged. “Why are you here?”

“Something has… happened,” Bekkah said, all traces of mirth disappearing as her smile left.

“What do you mean?” I asked. “What happened?”

I stiffened, then, because Kieron was sniffing at my neck again. I doubted he even realized he was doing it, but Ashere noticed.

“Don’t tell me you…” he started, staring at my perpetual.

 _Mine_.

I snarled and took a step forward. Kieron’s arms were warm around my bare waist as he pulled me back against his chest, keeping me there. I tightened my grip on the comforter, unwilling to let Ashere see any part of my perpetual. My very naked perpetual. My very naked, semi-hard perpetual.

My own cock twitched in response as I closed my eyes, thankful that I had a large comforter.

“What happened?” I asked again, opening my eyes to look at them.

“Exrie,” Bekkah said quietly.

“The Master,” I murmured, swallowing. “What… What happened?”

“He has gotten… He has more followers.”

“What do you mean?”

He always had a lot of followers; why was it different now?

“Terry… he’s captured the Lake.”

My spine stiffened, and not just because of her words, but because Kieron’s own body stiffened behind me, his mouth growling into my neck, sending chills through me at the vibrations against my skin.

“Yes,” Bekkah said, “it’s as bad as it sounds. He’s going to free those perpetuals, Terry. And he’s going to use them against… well, everyone.”

“Fuck,” I breathed, feeling dizzy with this new information. Or maybe I was hungry. I did use a _lot_ of energy last night. I was also really thirsty all of a sudden.

Kieron breathed in again and released me, stepping away from me and out of the privacy provided by the cover. I spun and watched as he walked into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, grabbing a bottle of water before he turned and returned to me, easily slipping back under the cover and pressing against me again, holding the now-opened bottle to my lips, his eyes bright.

I stared at him as I took a long drink.

“ _Kieron_ ,” Ashere hissed. “Tell me you didn’t…!”

Kieron’s gaze flickered toward Ashere, then. His lips pulled back into a snarl.

Ashere took a step back. I hadn’t even realized he’d been walking toward us until then. Now I was growling too. How dare he come near my naked perpetual?

“Whoa, take it easy,” Bekkah said, moving to stand between us and Ashere. “We all have bigger issues right now.”

I took a breath and nodded. Kieron’s growl cut off behind me as his chin landed on my shoulder, his arms tight around me as I held the water bottle now, along with the edges of the cover.

“Start talking,” I said quietly. I wasn’t sure how much longer Kieron would be in control. He did only give me ten minutes, after all. How long had it been?

“Exrie is going to free those perpetuals,” Bekkah said. “Also… there is a bit of good news.”

“What is it?”

“A lot of the… Etherians, have discovered who the real enemy is. They are willing to put aside their hatred for perpetuals to fight Exrie and his growing army. However… this peace won’t last very long. Especially if Exrie manages to get all of those bitter perpetuals on his side…”

I nodded, taking in a slow breath.

“That’s not all,” Ashere muttered.

“Fuck. There’s _more_?”

What else could possibly happen?

“One minute,” Kieron mumbled against my skin.

I shivered even as Ashere narrowed his eyes.

“One minute? Until what?” he asked, glaring.

“Until I take _my human_ back into _our room_ and tell you to _fuck off_ ,” Kieron said simply, no heat or anger in his voice, just seriousness as he nibbled briefly at the back of my neck, tightening his hold on me.

_Did he just…?_

Did he just call me _his human_?

Warmth filled me. I couldn’t keep the goofy smile off my face.

Ashere’s expression darkened somewhat but he didn’t say anything, thankfully.

“I’m proud of you two for… getting this far,” Bekkah said, “but… Kieron…”

“Thirty seconds,” Kieron breathed into my neck.

I shivered again. That tickled. And I felt so very exposed right now.

“Kieron, you’re related to him.”

“To who?” he breathed absently.

Bekkah took in a slow breath. “Exrie. You’re related to Exrie.”

“ _What_?” I gasped, staring at her, because surely she was mistaken.

“Come again,” Kieron growled lowly, mouth leaving my neck.

“I don’t know how… we haven’t found your parents yet to ask about anything…” Bekkah swallowed and shook her head.

“The DNA used to make those blades,” Ashere cut in. “It’s Exrie’s. He’s using his DNA. And it’s a match for yours, too.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” I said quietly.

“We’re not sure how you’re related to him, but you are,” Ashere said, watching my perpetual. “And the Elders have… _requested_ your presence to further discuss this.”

“Requested,” I echoed flatly. “Are they _arresting_ him again?”

_No. I won’t let them._

If they tried to take him anywhere…

_I’ll kill them._

The thought of being away from him right… I couldn’t do it.

_Not happening._

I leaned further back into my perpetual.

“They’re not arresting him, exactly,” Bekkah said. “It’s complicated. I’m just telling you what I know, Terry. A bigger war is rising, and we all need to be prepared.”

I took in a slow breath and nodded. “What do we do about the… animalistic perpetuals he’s going to get on his side? If he can get them out of the Lake, I mean.”

It was never proven that he could do it. It just stated it might be possible.

“I don’t know,” Bekkah said. “That’s what we’re all worried about. We’re going to need you and Kieron to help stop him.”

“How?” I asked. “I’m just a human…”

And they weren’t putting Kieron in danger.

I wouldn’t let them.

“We need you to speak to Ethereal,” she told me quietly. “Explain who you are. That you’re human. That you’re meant to be here. That… That you possess the ability to help change things. To stop Exrie. You need to help Etherians see who the real threat is.”

“I… I can’t,” I said. “I’m just… me.”

“Ethereal needs you, Terry. Are you going to help or not?” Ashere asked.

I looked at both of them, and then closed my eyes, taking in a slow breath. Kieron’s teeth were back against my neck.

_What do I do, Kie?_

**_I’m with you whatever you decide._ **

Those words comforted me like nothing else ever could or would.

_I don’t want to be the head of a war._

**_Then don’t be. If you say run, I’ll say how fast._ **

_Thanks, Kieron. I… I love you. You know that, right?_

**_I know, Terry. I’m with you._ **

I nodded and opened my eyes, looking back at Ashere and Bekkah as they stood there, watching the two of us.

“Okay,” I said quietly. “I’ll… _We’ll_ help. Just tell us what to do.”

 

 

**The End.**

**Continued in** _Almost Forever_


End file.
